LIBRARY   OF 

HENRY  C.  FALL. 

AND  KATHARINE  A.  FALL 


Dumber, 

Date  of  Purchase _ 


.  ' '  ?• 


IRVING'S   KNICKERBOCKER. 

RIVERSIDE   EDITION. 
WITH  DESIGNS   BY   BARLEY. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 


BEGINNING  OF  THE  WORLD  TO  THE  END 
OF  THE  DUTCH  DYNASTY ; 


CONTAINING,  AMONG  MANT  SURPRISING  AND  CURIOUS  MATTERS,  THE 
UNUTTERABLE  PONDERINGS  OF  WALTER  THE  DOUBTER,  THE 
DISASTROUS  PROJECTS  OP  WILLIAM  THE  TESTY,  AND 
THE  CIHVALRIC  ACHIEVEMENTS  OF  PETER  TIIE 
HEADSTRONG;  THE  THREE  DUTCH  GOV- 
ERNORS OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  J 

BEING   THE 

ONLY  AUTHENTIC    HISTORY  OP  THE    TIMES    THAT   EVEB 
HATH  BEEN    OK  EVER   WILL  BE   PUBLISHED. 


BY 
DIEDRICH  KNICKERBOCKER. 

35e  teaarlmfc  t>ie  in  tmirfter  lag, 
S)ie  tcmt  met  tlaarfyeft  aan  t>en  t>ag. 

THE    AUTHOR'S    REVISED    EDITION. 
COMPLETE   IN   ONE    VOLUME. 


NEW    YORK: 

GEORGE   P.   PUTNAM,   441    BROADWAY. 
1864. 


-Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1864,  by 

GEORGE  P.  PUTNAM, 

in  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  for  the  Southern  District  of 
New  York. 


STEREOTYPED    AND   PRINTED   BT    H.    0.    HOUGHTON    AND    COMPANY 


ORIGINAL   ADVERTISEMENTS  ..................     21 

ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR  .....................     23 

ADDRESS  TO  THE  PUBLIC  .......................     35 

BOOK   I. 

CONTAINING!  DIVERS  INGENIOUS  THEORIES  AND  PHILOSOPHIC  SPECULA- 
TIONS, CONCERNING  THE  CREATION  AND  POPULATION  OF  THE  WORLD, 
AS  CONNECTED  WITH  THE  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

CHAP.  I.  —  Description  of  the  World  ..................     43 

CHAP.  II.  —  Cosmogony,  or  Creation  of  the  World;  with 
a  multitude  of  excellent  theories,  by  which  the  crea- 
tion of  a  world  is  shown  to  be  no  such  difficult  mat- 
ter as  common  folk  would  imagine  ................  51 

CHAP.  III.  —  How  that  famous  navigator,  Noah,  was 
shamefully  nicknamed;  and  how  he  committed  an 
unpardonable  oversight  in  not  having  four  sons. 
With  the  great  trouble  of  philosophers  caused  there- 
by, and  the  discoverv  of  America.  .•  ..............  62 

CHAP.  IV.  —  Showing  the  great  difficulty  philosophers 
have  had  in  peopling  America  —  and  how  the  Abo- 
rigines came  to  be  begotten  by  accident  —  to  the  great 
relief  and  satisfaction  of  the  Author  ...............  70 

CHAP..  V.  —  In  which  the  Author  puts  a  mighty  question 
to  the  rout,  by  the  assistance  of  the  Man  in  the  Moon 
—  which  not  only  delivers  thousands  of  people  from 
great  embarrassment,  but  likewise  concludes  this  in- 
troductory book  .................................  79 

BOOK   II. 


CHAP.  I.  —  In  which  are  contained  divers  reasons  why  a 
man  should  not  write  in  a  hurry  —  Also  of  Master 
Hendrick  Hudson,  his  discovery  of  a  strange  country 
—  and  how  he  was  magnificently  rewarded  by  the 
munificence  of  their  High  Mightinesses  ........... 


2051383 


8  CONTENTS. 


PAGE 

CHAP.  II.  —  Containing  an  account  of  a  mighty  Ark 
which  floated,  under  the  protection  of  St.  Nicholas, 
from  Holland  to  Gibbet  Island—  the  descent  of  the 
strange  Animals  therefrom  —  a  great  victory,  and  a 
description  of  the  ancient  village  of  Communipaw. .  Ill 

CHAP.  III.  —  In,which  is  set  forth  the  true  art  of  making 
a  bargain  —  together  with  the  miraculous  escape  of  a 
great  Metropolis  in  a  fog —  and  the  biography  of  cer- 
tain heroes  of  Communipaw 119 

CHAP.  IV.  —  How  the  heroes  of  Communipaw  voyaged  to 
Hell-gate,  and  how  they  were  received  there 128 

CHAP.  V.  —  How  the  heroes  of  Communipaw  returned 
somewhat  wiser  than  they  went —  and  how  the  sage 
Oloffe  dreamed  a  dream  —  and  the  dream  that  he 
dreamed 141 

CHAP.  VI.  —  Containing  an  attempt  at  etymology  —  and 
of  the  founding  of  the  great  city  of  New  Amsterdam  147 

CHAP.  VII.  —  How  the  people  of  Pavonia  migrated  from 
Communipaw  to  the  island  of  Manna-hata  —  and  how 
Oloffe  the  Dreamer  proved  himself  a  great  land-spec- 
ulator    150 

CHAP.  VIII.  —  Of  the  founding  and  naming  of  the  new 
city —  of  the  City  Arms;  and  of  the  direful  feud  be- 
tween Ten  Breeches  and  Tough  Breeches 154 

CHAP.  IX.  —  How  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  waxed 
great  under  the  protection  of  St.  Nicholas  and  the 
absence  of  laws  and  statutes  —  how  Oloffe  the  Dream- 
er begun  to  dream  of  an  extension  of  Empire,  and  of 
the  effect  of  his  dreams. . .  161 


BOOK  III. 

IN  WHICH  IS  RECORDED  THE  GOLDEN  REIGN  OF  WOUTER  VAN  TWIIXER. 

CHAP.  I.  —  Of  the  renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  his 
unparalleled  virtues  —  as  likewise  his  unutterable 
wisdom  in  the  law-case  of  Wandle  Schoonhoven  and 
Barent  Bleecker  —  and  the  great  admiration  of  the 
public  thereat 169 

CHAP.  II.  — Containing  some  account  of  the  grand  council 
of  New  Amsterdam,  as  also  divers  especial  good  phil- 
osophical reasons  why  an  Alderman  should  be  fat  — 
with  other  particulars  touching  the  state  of  the  prov- 
ince f. ....  180 

CHAP.  III.  —  How  the  town  of  New  Amsterdam  arose  out 
of  mud,  and  came  to  be  marvellously  polished  and 
polite  —  together  with  a  picture  of  the  manners  of 
our  great-great-grandfathers 191 


CONTENTS. 


CHAP.  IV.  —  Containing  farther  particulars  of  the  Golden 
Age,  and  what  constituted  a  fine  Lady  and  Gentle- 
man in  the  days  of  Walter  the  Doubter 200 

CHAP.  V.  —  Of  the  founding  of  Fort  Aurania  —  Of  the 
mysteries  of  the  Hudson  —  Of  the  arrival  of  the  Pa- 
troon  Killian  Van  Rensellaer;  his  lordly  descent 
upon  the  earth,  and  his  introduction  of  club-law. . . .  207 

CHAP.  VI.  —  In  which  the  reader  is  beguiled  into  a  de- 
lectable walk,  which  ends  very  differently  from  what 
it  commenced 211 

CHAP.  VII. —  Faithfully  describing  the  ingenious  people 
of  Connecticut  and  thereabouts  —  showing,  more- 
over, the  true  meaning  of  liberty  of  conscience,  and 
a  curious  device  among  these  sturdy  barbarians,  to 
keep  up  a  harmony  of  intercourse,  and  promote 
population ". 217 

CHAP.  VIII.  —  How  these  singular  barbarians  turned  out 
to  be  notorious  squatters.  How  they  built  air-castles, 
and  attempted  to  initiate  the  Nederlanders  in  the 
mysterv  of  bundling 223 

CHAP.  IX.  —How  the  Fort  Goed  Hoop  was  fearfully  be- 
leaguered —  how  the  renowned  \Vouter  fell  into  a 
profound  doubt,  and  how  he  finally  evaporated 229 


BOOK  IV. 

CONTAINING  THE  CHRONICLES   OP  THE   REIGN    OP  WILLIAM   THE  TESTY 

CHAP.  I. — Showing  the  nature  of  history  in  general;  — 
containing  furthermore  the  universal  acquirements  of 
William  the  Testy,  and  how  a  man  may  learn  so 
much  as  to  render  himself  good  for  nothing 237 

CHAP.  II.  —  How  William  the  Testy  undertook  to  conquer 
by  proclamation  —  how  he  was  a  great  man  abroad, 
but  a  little  man  in  his  own  house 244 

CHAP.  III.  — In  which  are  recorded  the  sage  projects  of  a 
ruler  of  universal  genius  —  The  art  of  fighting  by 
proclamation  —  and  how  that  the  valiant  Jacobus 
Van  Curlet  came  to  be  foully  dishonored  at  Fort 
Goed  Hoop 248 

CHAP.  IV.  —  Containing  the  fearful  wrath  of  William  the 
Testy,  and  the  alarm  of  New  Amsterdam  —  how  the 
Governor  did  strongly  fortify  the  City  —  Of  Antony 
the  Trumpeter,  and  the  windy  addition  to  the  armo- 
rial bearings  of  New  Amsterdam 254 

CHAP.  V.  — Of  the  jurisprudence  of  William  the  Testy, 
and  his  admirable  expedients  for  the  suppression  of 
poverty 260 


10  CONTENTS. 


PAQE 

CHAP.  VI. —  Projects  of  William  the  Testy  for  increasing 
the  currency  —  he  is  outwitted  by  the  Yankees  — 
The  great  Oyster  War 266 

CHAP.  VII.  —  Growing  discontents  of  New  Amsterdam 

under  the  government  of  William  the  Testy 272 

CHAP.  VIII.  —  The  edict  of  William  the  Testy  against 
Tobacco  —  Of  the  Pipe  Plot,  and  the  rise  of  Feuds 
and  Parties 275 

CHAP.  IX.  —  Of  the  folly  of  being  happy  in  the  time  of 
prosperity  —  Of  troubles  to  the  South  brought  on  by 
annexation  —  Of  the  secret  expedition  of  Jansen  Al- 
pendam,  and  his  magnificent  reward 281 

CHAP.  X.  —  Troublous  times  on  the  Hudson  —  How  Kil- 
lian  Van  Rensellaer  erected  a  feudal  castle,  and  how 
he  introduced  club-law  into  the  province 286 

CHAP.  XL  —  Of  the  diplomatic  mission  of  Antony  the 
Trumpeter  to  the  Fortress  of  Rensellaerstein  —  and 
how  he  was  puzzled  by  a  cabalistic  reply 290 

CHAP.  XII.  —  Containing'the  rise  of  the  great  Amphic- 
tyonic  Council  of  the  Pilgrims,  with  the  decline  and 
final  extinction  of  William  the  Testy. . .  . .  294 


BOOK   V. 

AND   HIS   TROUBLES   WITH   THE  AMPHICTTONIC   COUNCIL. 

CHAP.  I.  — In  which  the  death  of  a  great  man  is  shown 
to  be  no  very  inconsolable  matter  of  sorrow  —  and 
how  Peter  Stuyvesant  acquired  a  great  name  from  the 
uncommon  strength  of  his  head 301 

CHAP.  II.  —  Showing  how  Peter  the  Headstrong  bestirred 
himself  among  the  rats  and  cobwebs  on  entering  into 
office ;  his  interview  with  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  and 
his  perilous  meddling  with  the  currency 310 

CHAP.  III.  —  How  the  Yankee  League  waxed  more  and 
more  potent;  and  how  it  outwitted  the  good  Peter  in 
treaty-making 315 

CHAP.  IV. —  Containing  divers  speculations — showing 
that  a  treaty  of  peace  is  a  great  national  evil 322 

CHAP.  V.  —  How  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  grievously  belied 
by  the  great  council  of  the  League ;  and  how  he  sent 
Antony  the  Trumpeter  to  take  to  the  council  a  piece 
of  his  mind 330 

CHAP.  VI.  —  How  Peter  Stuyvesant  demanded  a  court  of 
honor — and  what  the  court  of  honor  awarded  to 
him ..  336 


CONTENTS.  11 


PAGE 

CHAP.  VII.  —  How  "Drum  Ecclesiastic"  was  beaten 
throughout  Connecticut  for  a  crusade  against  the 
New  Netherlands,  and  how  Peter  Stuyvesant  took 
measures  to  fortify  his  Capital 339 

CHAP.  VIII.  —  How  the  Yankee  crusade  against  the 
New  Netherlands  was  baffled  by  the  sudden  outbreak 
of  witchcraft  among  the  people  of  the  East 345 

CHAP.  IX.  —  Which  records  the  rise  and  renown  of  a 
Military  Commander,  showing  that  a  man,  like  a 
bladder,  may  be  puffed  up  to  greatness  by  mere 
wind ;  together  with  the  catastrophe  of  a  veteran  and 
his  queue 351 


BOOK   VI. 

CONTAINING    THE    SECOND    PART    OP    THE    REIGN    OP    PETER    THE    HEAD- 
STRONG,  AND   HIS   GALLANT   ACHIEVEMENTS   ON   THE   DELAWARE. 

CHAP.  I.  —  In  which  is  exhibited  a  warlike  Portrait  of 
the  great  Peter  —  of  the  windy  contest  of  General 
Van  Poffenburgh  and  General  Printz,  and  of  the 
Mosquito  War  on  the  Delaware 361 

CHAP.  II.  —  Of  Jan  Risingh,  his  giantly  person  and  crafty 
deeds;  and  of  the  Catastrophe  at  Fort  Casimir 368 

CHAP.  III.  —  Showing  how  profound  secrets  are  often 
brought  to  light;  with  the  proceedings  of  Peter  the 
Headstrong  when  he  heard  of  the  misfortunes  of  Gen- 
eral Van  Poffenburgh 376 

CHAP.  IV.  —  Containing  Peter  Stuyvesant's  Voyage  up 
the  Hudson,  and  the  wonders  and  delights  of  that 
renowned  river 385 

CHAP.  V.  —  Describing  the  powerful  Army  that  assem- 
bled at  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  —  together  with 
the  interview  between  Peter  the  Headstrong  and 
General  Van  Poffenburgh,  and  Peter's  sentiments 
touching  unfortunate  great  men 394 

CHAP.  VI.  —  In  which  the  Author  discourses  very  ingen- 
iously of  himself — after  which  is  to  be  found  much 
interesting  history  about  Peter  the  Headstrong  and 
his  followers 402 

CHAP.  VII.  —  Showing  the  great  advantage  that  the 
Author  has  over  his  Reader  in  time  of  Battle  — 
together  with  divers  portentous  movements;  which 
betoken  that  something  terrible  is  about  to  happen.  413 

CHAP.  VIII. —  Containing  the  most  horrible  battle  ever 
recorded  in  poetry  or  prose ;  with  the  admirable  ex- 
ploits of  Peter  the  Headstrong  421 


12  CONTENTS. 

PAOK 

CHAP.  IX.  —  In  which  the  Author  and  the  Reader,  while 
reposing  after  the  battle,  fall  into  a  very  grave  dis- 
course, after  which  is  recorded  the  conduct  of  Peter 
Stuy vesant  after  his  victory 434 

BOOK   VII. 


CHAP.  I.  —  How  Peter  Stuyvesant  relieved  the  Sovereign 
People  from  the  burden  of  taking  care  of  the  nation ; 
with  sundry  particulars  of  his  conduct  in  the  time  of 
peace,  and  "of  the  rise  of  a  great  Dutch  aristocracy. .  445 

CHAP.  II.  —  How  Peter  Stuyvesant  labored  to  civi'lize 
the  community  —  how  he  was  a  great  promoter  of 
holidays  —  how  he  instituted  kissing  on  New-Year's 
Day  — how  he  distributed  fiddles  throughout  the 
New  Netherlands — how  he  ventured  to  reform  the 
Ladies'  petticoats,  and  how  he  caught  a  Tartar 453 

CHAP.  III.  —  How  troubles  thicken  on  the  province  — 
how  it  is  threatened  by  the  Helderbergers  —  The 
Merrylanders,  and  the  Giants  of  the  Susquehanna. .  458 

CHAP.  IV.  —  How  Peter  Stuyvesant  adventured  into  the 
East  Country,  and  how  he  fared  there 462 

CHAP.  V.  —  How  the  Yankees  secretlv  sought  the  aid  of 
the  British  Cabinet  in  their  hostile  schemes  against 
the  Manhattoes 470 

CHAP.  VI.  —  Of  Peter  Stuvesant's  expedition  into  the 
East  Country,  showing  that,  though  an  old  bird,  he 
did  not  understand  trap 473 

CHAP.  VII.  —  How  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam  were 
thrown  into  a  great  panic,  by  the  news  of  the  threat- 
ened invasion ;  and  the  manner  in  which  they  fortified 
themselves 479 

CHAP.  VIII.  —  How  the  Grand  Council  of  the  New  Neth- 
erlands were  miraculously  gifted  with  long  tongues 
in  the  moment  of  emergency  —  showing  the  value  of 
words  in  warfare 484 

CHAP.  IX.  —  In  which  the  troubles  of  New  Amsterdam 
appear  to  thicken  —  showing  the  bravery  in  time  of 
peril,  of  a  people  who  defend  themselves  by  resolu- 
tions   '. 489 

CHAP.  X.  —  Containing  a  doleful  disaster  of  Antony  the 
Trumpeter  —  and  how  Peter  Stuyvesant,  like  a  sec- 
ond Cromwell,  suddenly  dissolved  a  Rump  Parlia- 
ment . .  . .  499 


CONTENTS.  13 


CHAP.  XL—  How  Peter  Stuyvesant  defended  the  city  of 
New  Amsterdam  for  several  days,  by  dint  of  the 
strength  of  his  head 505 

CHAP.  XII.  —Containing  the  dignified  retirement,  and 
mortal  surrender  of  Peter  the  Headstrong 514 

CHAP.  XIII.  —  The  Author's  reflections  upon  what  has 
been  said 522 


NOTICES 


WHICH   APPEARED    IN    THE    NEWSPAPERS    PREVIOUS    TO 
THE  PUBLICATION  OF  THIS  WORK. 


From  the  Evening  Post  of  October  26, 1809. 
DISTRESSING. 

Left  his  lodgings,  some  time  since,  and  has  not  since  been  heard  of, 
a  small  elderly  gentleman,  dressed  in  an  old  black  coat  and  cocked 
hat,  by  the  name  of  Knickerbocker.  As  there  are  some  reasons  for 
believing  he  is  not  entirely  in  his  right  mind,  and  as  great  anxiety 
is  entertained  about  him,  any  information  concerning  him  left  either 
at  the  Columbian  Hotel,  Mulberry  Street,  or  at  the  office  of  this  pa- 
per, will  be  thankfully  received. 

P.  S.  Printers  of  newspapers  would  be  aiding  the  cause  of  hu- 
manity in  giving  an  insertion  to  the  above 


From  the  same,  November  6, 1809. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Evening  Post  : 

SIR,  —  Having  read  in  your  paper  of  the  26th  October  last,  a  para- 
graph respecting  an  old  gentleman  by  the  name  of  Knickerbocker, 
who  was  missing  from  his  lodgings  ;  if  it  would  be  any  relief  to  his 
friends,  or  furnish  them  with  any  clue  to  discover  where  he  is,  you 
may  inform  them  that  a  person  answering  the  description  given,  was 
seen  by  the  passengers  of  the  Albany  stage,  early  in  the  morning, 
about  four  or  five  weeks  since,  resting  himself  by  the  side  of  the  road, 
a  little  above  King's  Bridge.  He  had  in  his  hand  a  small  bundle, 
tied  in  a  red  bandana  handkerchief;  he  appeared  to  be  travelling 
northward,  and  was  very  much  fatigued  and  exhausted. 

A  TRAVELLER. 


16  NOTICES. 

From  the  same,  November  16,  1809. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Evening  Post  : 

SIR,  —  You  have  been  good  enough  to  publish  in  your  paper  a 
paragraph  about  Mr.  Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  who  was  missing  so 
strangely  some  time  since.  Nothing  satisfactory  has  been  heard  of 
the  old  gentleman  since ;  but  a  very  curious  kind  of  a  written  book 
has  been  found  in  his  room,  in  his  own  handwriting.  Now  I  wish 
you  to  notice  him,  if  he  is  still  alive,  that  if  he  does  not  return  and 
pay  off  his  bill  for  boarding  and  lodging,  I  shall  have  to  dispose  of 
his  book  to  satisfy  me  for  the  same. 

I  am.  sir,  your  humble  servant, 

SETII    HANDASIDE, 
Landlord  of  the  Independent  Columbian  Hotel,  Mulberry  Street. 


From  the  same,  November  28, 1809. 

LITERARY  NOTICE. 
INSKEEP  &  BRADFORD  have  in  press,  and  will  shortly  publish, 

A  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 
In  two  volumes,  duodecimo.     Price  Three  Dollars. 

Containing  an  account  of  its  discovery  and  settlement,  with  its  in- 
ternal policies,  manners,  customs,  wars,  &c.,  &c.,  under  the  Dutch 
government,  furnishing  many  curious  and  interesting  particulars 
never  before  published,  and  which  are  gathered  from  various  man- 
uscript and  other  authenticated  sources,  the  whole  being  inter- 
spersed with  philosophical  speculations  and  moral  precepts. 

This  work  was  found  in  the  chamber  of  Mr.  Diedrich  Knicker- 
bocker, the  old  gentleman  whose  sudden  and  mysterious  disappear- 
ance has  been  noticed.  It  is  published  in  order  to  discharge  certain 
debts  he  has  left  behind. 

From  the  American  Citizen,  December  6,  1809. 

Is  this  day  published 

By  INSKEEP  &  BRADFORD,  No.  128  Broadway, 
A  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

&c.  &c. 
(Containing  same  as  above.) 


'HE  following  work,  in  which,  at  the  out- 
set, nothing  more  was  contemplated  than 
a  temporary  jeu  d'exprit,  was  commenced 
in  company  with  my  brother,  the  late  Peter  Ir- 
ving, Esq.  Our  idea  was,  to  parody  a  small  hand- 
hook  which  had  recently  appeared,  entitled  "  A 
Picture  of  New  York."  Like  that,  our  work  was 
to  begin  with  an  historical  sketch  ;  to  be  followed 
by  notices  of  the  customs,  manners,  and  institutions 
of  the  city ;  written  in  a  serio  -  comic  vein,  and 
treating  local  errors,  follies,  and  abuses  with  good- 
humored  satire. 

To  burlesque  the  pedantic  lore  displayed  in  cer- 
tain American  works,  our  historical  sketch  was  to 
commence  with  the  creation  of  the  world  ;  and  we 
laid  all  kinds  of  works  under  contribution  for  trite 
citations,  relevant,  or  irrelevant,  to  give  it  the  proper 
air  of  learned  research.  Before  this  crude  mass 
of  mock  erudition  could  be  digested  into  form,  my 
brother  departed  for  Europe,  and  I  was  left  to  pros- 
ecute the  enterprise  alone. 

I  now  altered  the  plan  of  the  work.  Discarding 
all  idea  of  a  parody  on  the  "  Picture  of  New  York," 
I  determined  that  what  had  been  originally  in- 
tended as  an  introductory  sketch,  should  comprise 
the  whole  work,  and  form  a  comic  history  of  the 
2 


18  THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY. 

city.  I  accordingly  moulded  the  mass  of  citations 
and  disquisitions  into  introductory  chapters,  forming 
the  first  book ;  but  it  soon  became  evident  to  me, 
that,  like  Robinson  Crusoe  with  his  boat,  I  had  begun 
on  too  large  a  scale,  and  that,  to  launch  my  his- 
tory successfully,  I  must  reduce  its  proportions.  I 
accordingly  resolved  to  confine  it  to  the  period  of 
the  Dutch  domination,  which,  in  its  rise,  progress, 
and  decline,  presented  that  unity  of  subject  required 
by  classic  rule.  It  was  a  period,  also,  at  that  time 
almost  a  terra  incognita  in  history.  In  fact,  I  was 
surprised  to  find  how  few  of  my  fellow-citizens  were 
aware  that  New  York  had  ever  been  called.  New 
Amsterdam,  or  had  heard  of  the  names  of  its  early 
Dutch  governors,  or  cared  a  straw  about  their  an- 
cient Dutch  progenitors. 

This,  then,  broke  upon  me  as  the  poetic  age  of 
our  city  ;  poetic  from  its  very  obscurity  ;  and  open, 
like  the  early  and  obscure  days  of  ancient  Rome, 
to  ,all  the  embellishments  of  heroic  fiction.  I  hailed 
my  native  city,  as  fortunate  above  all  other  Amer- 
ican cities,  in  having  an  antiquity  thus  extending 
back  into  the  regions  of  doubt  and  fable  ;  neither 
did  I  conceive  I  was  committing  any  grievous  his- 
torical sin  in,  helping  out  the  few  facts  I  could 
collect  in  this  remote  and  forgotten  region  with 
figments  of  my  own  brain,  or  in  giving  characteristic 
attributes  to  the  few  names  connected  with  it  which 
I  might  dig  up  from  oblivion. 

In  this,  doubtless,  I  reasoned  like  a  young  and 
inexperienced  writer,  besotted  with  his  own  fancies  ; 
and  my  presumptuous  trespasses  into  this  sacred, 
though  neglected  region  of  history  have  met  with 
deserved  rebuke  from  men  of  soberer  minds.  It 
is  too  late,  however,  to  recall  the  shaft  thus  rashly 


THE  AUTHORS  APOLOGY.  19 

launched.     To    any   one  whose    sense    of  fitness    it 
may  wound,  I  can  only  say  with  Hamlet,  — 

Let  my  disclaiming  from  a  purposed  evil 
Free  me  so  far  in  your  most  generous  thoughts. 
That  I  have  shot  my  arrow  o'er  the  house, 
And  hurt  my  brother. 

I  will  say  this  in  further  apology  for  my  work  : 
that,  if  it  has  taken  an  unwarrantable  liberty  with 
our  early  provincial  history,  it  has  at  least  turned 
attention  to  that  history  and  provoked  research. 
It  is  only  since  this  work  appeared  that  the  for- 
gotten archives  of  the  province  have  been  rummaged, 
and  the  facts  and  personages  of  the  olden  time  res- 
cued from  the  dust  of  oblivion,  and  elevated  into 
whatever  importance  they  may  virtually  possess. 

The  main  object  of  my  work,  in  fact,  had  a 
bearing  wide  from  the  sober  aim  of  history;  but 
one  which,  I  trust,  will  meet  with  some  indulgence 
from  poetic  minds.  It  was  to  embody  the  tradi- 
tions of  our  city  in  an  amusing  form ;  to  illustrate 
its  local  humors,  customs,  and  peculiarities ;  to  clothe 
home  scenes  and  places  and  familiar  names  with 
those  imaginative  and  whimsical  associations  so  sel- 
dom met  with  in  our  new  country,  but  which  live 
like  charms  and  spells  about  the  cities  of  the  old 
world,  binding  the  heart  of  the  native  inhabitant 
to  his  home. 

In  this  I  have  reason  to  believe  I  have  in  some 
measure  succeeded.  Before  the  appearance  of  my 
work  the  popular  traditions  of  our  city  were  unre- 
corded ;  the  peculiar  and  racy  customs  and  usages 
derived  from  our  Dutch  progenitors  were  unnoticed 
or  regarded  with  indifference,  or  adverted  to  with 
a  sneer.  Now  they  form  a  convivial  currency,  and 
are  brought  forward  on  all  occasions ;  they  link  our 
whole  community  together  in  good-humor  and  good 


20  THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY. 

fellowship;  they  are  the  rallying  points  of  home 
feeling,  the  seasoning  of  our  civic  festivities,  the 
staple  of  local  tales  and  local  pleasantries,  and  are 
so  harped  upon  by  our  writers  of  popular  fiction, 
that  I  find  myself  almost  crowded  off  the  legen- 
dary ground  which  I  was  the  first  to  explore,  by 
the  host  who  have  followed  in  my  footsteps. 

I  dwell  on  this  head,  because,  at  the  first  appear- 
ance of  my  work,  its  aim  and  drift  were  misappre- 
hended by  some  of  the  descendants  of  the  Dutch 
worthies  ;  and  because  I  understand  that  now  and 
then  one  may  still  be  found  to  regard  it  with  a  cap- 
tious eye.  The  far  greater  part,  however,  I  have 
reason  to  flatter  myself,  receive  my  good-humored 
picturings  in  the  same  temper  in  which  they  were 
executed ;  and  when  I  find,  after  a  lapse  of  nearly 
forty  years,  this  hap-hazard  production  of  my  youth 
still  cherished  among  them,  —  when  I  find  its  very 
name  become  a  "  household  word "  and  used  to 
give  the  home  stamp  to  everything  recommend- 
ed for  popular  acceptation,  such  as  Knickerbock- 
er societies,  Knickerbocker  insurance  companies, 
Knickerbocker  steamboats,  Knickerbocker  omnibuses, 
Knickerbocker  bread,  and  Knickerbocker  ice,  —  and 
when  I  find  New  Yorkers  of  Dutch  descent  prid- 
ing themselves  upon  being  "genuine  Knickerbock- 
ers," —  I  please  myself  with  the  persuasion  that  I 
have  struck  the  right  chord ;  that  my  dealings 
with  the  good  old  Dutch  times,  and  the  customs 
and  usages  derived  from  them,  are  in  harmony 
with  the  feelings  and  humors  of  my  townsmen  ; 
that  I  have  opened  a  vein  of  pleasant  associations 
and  quaint  characteristics  peculiar  to  my  native 
place,  and  which  its  inhabitants  will  not  willingly 
suffer  to  pass  away  ;  and  that,  though  other  histo- 
ries of  New  York  may  appear  of  higher  claims  to 


THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY.  21 

learned  acceptation,  and  may  take  their  dignified 
and  appropriate  rank  in  the  family  library,  Knick- 
erbocker's history  will  still  be  received  with  good- 
humored  indulgence,  and  be  thumbed  and  chuckled 
over  by  the  family  fireside.  W.  I. 

SUNNYSIDE,    1848. 


CACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR, 


T  was  some  time,  if  I  recollect  right,  in 
the  early  part  of  the  autumn  of  1808, 
that  a  stranger  applied  for  lodgings  at 
the  Independent  Columbian  Hotel  in  Mul- 
berry Street,  of  which  I  am  landlord.  He  was  a 
small,  brisk-looking  old  gentleman,  dressed  in  a  rusty 
black  coat,  a  pair  of  olive  velvet  breeches,  and  a 
small  cocked  hat.  He  had  a  few  gray  hairs  plaited 
and  clubbed  behind,  and  his  beard  seemed  to  be 
of  some  eight-and-forty  hours'  growth.  The  only 
piece  of  finery  which  he  bore  about  him  was  a 
bright  pair  of  square  silver  shoe-buckles ;  and  all  his 
baggage  was  contained  in  a  pair  of  saddle-bags, 
which  he  carried  under  his  arm.  His  whole  ap- 
pearance was  something  out  of  the  common  run ; 
and  my  wife,  who  is  a  very  shrewd  body,  at  once 
set  him  down  for  some  eminent  country  school- 
master. 

As  the  Independent  Columbian  Hotel  is  a  very 
small  house,  I  was  a  little  puzzled  at  first  where 
to  put  him  ;  but  my  wife,  who  seemed  taken  with 
his  looks,  would  needs  put  him  in  her  best  chamber, 
which  is  genteelly  set  off  with  the  profiles  of  the 
whole  family,  done  in  black,  by  those  two  great 
painters,  Jarvis  and  Wood  ;  and  commands  a  very 
pleasant  view  of  the  new  grounds  on  the  Collect, 
together  with  the  rear  of  the  Poor-House  and  Bride- 


24  ACCOUNT  OF   THE  AUTHOR. 

well,  and  a  full  front  of  the  Hospital ;  so  that  it 
is  the  cheerfullest  room  in  the  whole  house. 

During  the  whole  time  that  he  stayed  with  us, 
we  found  him  a  very  worthy  good  sort  of  an  old 
gentleman,  though  a  little  queer  in  his  ways.  He 
would  keep  in  his  room  for  days  together,  and  if 
any  of  the  children  cried,  or  made  a  noise  about 
his  door,  he  would  bounce  out  in  a  great  passion, 
with  his  hands  full  of  papers,  and  say  something 
about  "  deranging  his  ideas  "  ;  which  made  my  wife 
believe  sometimes  that  he  was  not  altogether  compos. 
Indeed,  there  was  more  than  one  reason  to  make 
her  think  so,  for  his  room  was  always  covered  with 
scraps  of  paper  and  old  mouldy  books,  laying  about 
at  sixes  and  sevens,  which  he  would  never  let  any- 
body touch ;  for  he  said  he  had  laid  them  all  away 
in  their  proper  places,  so  that  he  might  know  where 
to  find  them  ;  though,  for  that  matter,  he  was  half 
his  time  worrying  about  the  house  in  search  of 
some  book  or  writing  which  he  had  carefully  put 
out  of  the  way.  I  shall  never  forget  what  a  pother 
he  once  made,  because  my  wife  cleaned  out  his 
room  when  his  back  was  turned,  and  put  every- 
thing to  rights ;  for  he  swore  he  would  never  be 
able  to  get  his  papers  in  order  again  in  a  twelve- 
month. Upon  this,  my  wife  ventured  to  ask  him 
what  he  did  with  so  many  books  and  papers ;  and 
he  told  her  that  he  was  "  seeking  for  immortal- 
ity "  ;  which  made  her  think  more  than  ever  that 
the  poor  old  gentleman's  head  was  a  little  cracked. 

He  was  a  very  inquisitive  body,  and  when  not 
in  his  room,  was  continually  poking  about  town, 
hearing  all  the  news,  and  prying  into  everything 
that  was  going  on  :  this  was  particularly  the  case 
about  election  time,  when  he  did  nothing  but  bus- 
tle about  from  poll  to  poll,  attending  all  ward 


ACCOUNT   OF   THE  AUTHOR.  25 

meetings,  and  committee  rooms ;  though  I  could 
never  find  that  he  took  part  with  either  side  of 
the  question.  On  the  contrary,  he  would  come 
home  and  rail  at  both  parties  with  great  wrath,  — 
and  plainly  proved  one  day,  to  the  satisfaction  of 
my  wife  and  three  old  ladies  who  were  drinking 
tea  with  her,  that  the  two  parties  were  like  two 
rogues,  each  tugging  at  a  skirt  of  the  nation  ;  and 
that  in  the  end  they  would  tear  the  very  coat  off 
its  back,  and  expose  its  nakedness.  Indeed,  he  was 
an  oracle  among  the  neighbors,  who  would  collect 
around  him  to  hear  him  talk  of  an  afternoon,  as 
he  smoked  his  pipe  on  the  bench  before  the  door ; 
and  I  really  believe  he  would  have  brought  over 
the  whole  neighborhood  to  his  own  side  of  the  ques- 
tion, if  they  could  ever  have  found  out  what  it  was. 

He  was  very  much  given  to  argue,  or,  as  he 
called  it,  philosophize,  about  the  most  trifling  mat- 
ter ;  and  to  do  him  justice,  I  never  knew  anybody 
that  was  a  match  for  him,  except  it  was  a  grave- 
looking  old  gentleman  who  called  now  and  then 
to  see  him,  and  often  posed  him  in  an  argument. 
But  this  is  nothing  surprising,  as  I  have  since  found 
out  this  stranger  is  the  city  librarian ;  who,  of  course, 
must  be  a  man  of  great  learning :  and  I  have  my 
doubts  if  he  had  not  some  hand  in  the  following 
history. 

As  our  lodger  had  been  a  long  time  with  us,  and 
we  had  never  received  any  pay,  my  wife  began  to  be 
somewhat  uneasy,  and  curious  to  find  out  who  and 
what  he  was.  She  accordingly  made  bold  to  put 
the  question  to  his  friend,  the  librarian,  who  replied 
in  his  dry  way  that  he  was  one  of  the  literati,  which 
she  supposed  to  mean  some  new  party  in  politics. 
I  scorn  to  push  a  lodger  for  his  pay  ;  so  I  let  day 
after  day  pass  on  without  dunning  the  old  gentleman 


26  ACCOUNT   OF   THE  AUTHOR. 

for  a  farthing :  but  ray  wife,  who  always  takes  these 
matters  on  herself,  and  is,  as  I  said,  a  shrewd  kind 
of  a  woman,  at  last  got  out  of  patience,  and  hinted 
that  she  thought  it  high  time  "  some  people  should 
have  a  sight  of  some  people's  money."  To  which 
the  old  gentleman  replied,  in  a  mighty  touchy 
manner,  that  she  need  not  make  herself  uneasy,  for 
that  he  had  a  treasure  there,  (pointing  to  his  saddle- 
bags,) worth  her  whole  house  put  together.  This 
was  the  only  answer  we  could  ever  get  from  him; 
and  as  my  wife,  by  some  of  those  odd  ways  in  which 
women  find  out  everything,  learnt  that  he  was  of 
very  great  connections,  being  related  to  the  Knick- 
erbockers of  Scaghtikoke,  and  cousin-german  to  the 
congressman  of  that  name,  she  did  not  like  to  treat 
him  uncivilly.  What  is  more,  she  even  offered, 
merely  by  way  of  making  things  easy,  to  let  him  live 
scot-free,  if  he  would  teach  the  children  their  letters ; 
and  to  try  her  best  and  get  her  neighbors  to  send 
their  children  also :  but  the  old  gentleman  took  it  in 
such  dudgeon,  and  seemed  so  aifronted  at  being  taken 
for  a  schoolmaster,  that  she  never  dared  to  speak  on 
the  subject  again. 

About  two  months  ago,  he  went  out  of  a  morn- 
ing, with  a  bundle  in  his  hand,  and  has  never  been 
heard  of  since.  All  kinds  of  inquiries  were  made 
after  him,  but  in  vain.  I  wrote  to  his  relations  at 
Scaghtikoke,  but  they  sent  for  answer,  that  he  had 
not  been  there  since  the  year  before  last,  when  he 
had  a  great  dispute  with  the  congressman  about  poli- 
tics, and  left  the  place  in  a  huff,  and  they  had  neither 
heard  nor  seen  anything  of  him  from  that  time  to 
this.  I  must  own  I  felt  very  much  worried  about 
the  poor  old  gentleman,  for  I  thought  something  bad 
must  have  happened  to  him,  that  he  should  be  miss- 
ing so  long,  and  never  return  to  pay  his  bill.  I  there- 


ACCOUNT   OF   THE  AUTHOR.  27 

fore  advertised  him  in  the  newspapers,  and  though 
my  melancholy  advertisement  was  published  by  sev- 
eral humane  printers,  yet  I  have  never  been  able  to 
learn  anything  satisfactory  about  him. 

My  wife  now  said  it  was  high  time  to  take  care 
of  ourselves,  and  see  if  he  had  left  anything  be- 
hind in  his  room,  that  would  pay  us  for  his  board 
and  lodging.  We  found  nothing,  however,  but  some 
old  books  and  musty  writings,  and  his  saddle-bags ; 
which,  being  opened  in  the  presence  of  the  libra- 
rian, contained  only  a  few  articles  of  worn-out 
clothes,  and  a  large  bundle  of  blotted  paper.  On 
looking  over  this,  the  librarian  told  us  he  had  no 
doubt  it  was  the  treasure  which  the  old  gentleman 
had  spoken  about ;  as  it  proved  to  be  a  most  excel- 
lent and  faithful  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK,  which 
he  advised  us  by  all  means  to  publish,  assuring 
us  that  it  would  be  so  eagerly  bought  up  by  a  dis- 
cerning public,  that  he  had  no  doubt  it  would  be 
enough  to  pay  our  arrears  ten  times  over.  Upon 
this  we  got  a  very  learned  schoolmaster,  who  teaches 
our  children,  to  prepare  it  for  the  press,  which  he 
accordingly  has  done ;  and  has,  moreover,  added  to 
it  a  number  of  valuable  notes  of  his  own. 

This,  therefore,  is  a  true  statement  of  my  reasons 
for  having  this  work  printed,  without  waiting  for  the 
consent  of  the  author;  and  I  here  declare,  that,  if 
he  ever  returns,  (though  I  much  fear  some  unhappy 
accident  has  befallen  him,)  I  stand  ready  to  ac- 
count with  him  like  a  true  and  honest  man.  Which 
is  all  at  present, 

From  the  public's  humble  servant, 

SETH  HANDASIDE. 

Independent  Columbian  Hotel,  New  York. 

The   foregoing    account    of  the    author  was  pre- 


28  ACCOUNT  OF   THE  AUTHOR. 

fixed  to  the  first  edition  of  this  work.  Shortly 
after  its  publication,  a  letter  was  received  from  him, 
by  Mr.  Handaside,  dated  at  a  small  Dutch  vil- 
lage on  the  banks  of  the  Hudson,  whither  he  had 
travelled  for  the  purpose  of  inspecting  certain  an- 
cient records.  As  this  was  one  of  those  few  and 
happy  villages  into  which  newspapers  never  find 
their  way,  it  is  not  a  matter  of  surprise  that  Mr. 
Knickerbocker  should  never  have  seen  the  numerous 
advertisements  that  were  made  concerning  him,  and 
that  he  should  learn  of  the  publication  of  his  his- 
tory by  mere  accident. 

He  expressed  much  concern  at  its  premature  ap- 
pearance, as  thereby  he  was  prevented  from  mak- 
ing several  important  corrections  and  alterations, 
as  well  as  from  profiting  by  many  curious  hints 
which  he  had  collected  during  his  travels  along  the 
shores  of  the  Tappan  Sea,  and  his  sojourn  at  Haver- 
straw  and  Esopus. 

Finding  that  there  was  no  longer  any  immediate 
necessity  for  his  return  to  New  York,  he  extended 
his  journey  up  to  the  residence  of  his  relations  at 
Scaghtikoke.  On  his  way  thither  he  stopped  for 
some  days  at  Albany,  for  which  city  he  is  known 
to  have  entertained  a  great  partiality.  He  found 
it,  however,  considerably  altered,  and  was  much  con- 
cerned at  the  inroads  and  improvements  which  the 
Yankees  were  making,  and  the  consequent  decline 
of  the  good  old  Dutch  manners.  Indeed,  he  was 
informed  that  these  intruders  were  making  sad  in- 
novations in  all  parts  of  the  State  ;  where  they  had 
given  great  trouble  and  vexation  to  the  regular 
Dutch  settlers  by  the  introduction  of  turnpike-gates, 
and  country  schoolhouses.  It  is  said,  also,  that  Mr. 
Knickerbocker  shook  his  head  sorrowfully  at  notic- 
ing the  gradual  decay  of  the  great  Vander  Heyden 


ACCOUNT   OF   THE  AUTHOR.  29 

palace  ;  but  was  highly  indignant  at  finding  that 
the  ancient  Dutch  church,  which  stood  in  the  middle 
of  the  street,  had  been  pulled  down  since  his  last 
visit. 

The  fame  of  Mr.  Knickerbocker's  history  having 
reached  even  to  Albany,  he  received  much  flattering 
attention  from  its  worthy  burghers,  some  of  whom, 
however,  pointed  out  two  or  three  very  great  er- 
rors he  had  fallen  into,  particularly  that  of  suspend- 
ing a  lump  of  sugar  over  the  Albany  tea-tables, 
which,  they  assured  him,  had  been  discontinued  for 
some  years  past.  Several  families,  moreover,  were 
somewhat  piqued  that  their  ancestors  had  not  been 
mentioned  in  his  work,  and  showed  great  jealousy 
of  their  neighbors  who  had  thus  been  distinguished  ; 
while  the  latter,  it  must  be  confessed,  plumed  them- 
selves vastly  thereupon  ;  considering  these  recordings 
in  the  light  of  letters-patent  of  nobility,  establish- 
ing their  claims  to  ancestry,  —  wliich,  in  this  re- 
publican country,  is  a  matter  of  no  little  solicitude 
and  vainglory. 

It  is  also  said,  that  he  enjoyed  high  favor  and 
countenance  from  the  governor,  who  once  asked  him 
to  dinner,  and  was  seen  two  or  three  times  to  shake 
hands  with  him,  when  they  met  in  the  streets ;  which 
certainly  was  going  great  lengths,  considering  that 
they  differed  in  politics.  Indeed,  certain  of  the  gov- 
ernor's confidential  friends,  to  whom  he  could  venture 
to  speak  his  mind  freely  on  such  matters,  have  assured 
us,  that  he  privately  entertained  a  considerable  good 
will  for  our  author,  —  nay,  he  even  once  went  so  far 
as  to  declare,  and  that  openly  too,  and  at  his  own 
table,  just  after  dinner,  that  "  Knickerbocker  was  a 
very  well-meaning  sort  of  an  old  gentleman,  and  no 
fool."  From  all  which  many  have  been  led  to  sup- 
pose that,  had  our  author  been  of  different  politics, 


30  ACCOUNT   OF   THE  AUTHOR. 

and  written  for  the  newspapers  instead  of  wasting 
his  talents  on  histories,  he  might  have  risen  ( to  some 
post  of  honor  and  profit,  —  peradventure,  to  be  a 
notary  -  public,  or  even  a  justice  in  the  ten  -  pound 
court. 

Beside  the  honors  and  civilities  already  mentioned, 
he  was  much  caressed  by  the  literati  of  Albany; 
particularly  by  Mr.  John  Cook,  who  entertained  him 
very  hospitably  at  his  circulating  library  and  reading- 
room,  where  they  used  to  drink  Spa  water,  and  talk 
about  the  ancients.  He  found  Mr.  Cook  a  man 
after  his  own  heart,  —  of  great  literary  research,  and 
a  curious  collector  of  books.  At  parting,  the  latter, 
in  testimony  of  friendship,  made  him  a  present  of  the 
two  oldest  works  in  his  collection  ;  which  were  the 
earliest  edition  of  the  Heidelberg  Catechism,  and 
Adrian  Vander  Donck's  famous  account  of  the  New 
Netherlands :  by  the  last  of  which,  Mr.  Knicker- 
bocker profited  greatly  in  his  second  edition. 

Having  passed  some  time  very  agreeably  at  Al- 
bany, our  author  proceeded  to  Scaghtikoke,  where, 
it  is  but  justice  to  say,  he  was  received  with  open 
arms,  and  treated  with  wonderful  loving-kindness. 
He  was  much  looked  up  to  by  the  family,  being  the 
first  historian  of  the  name ;  and  was  considered  al- 
most as  great  a  man  as  his  cousin  the  congressman, 
—  with  whom,  by  the  by,  he  became  perfectly  recon- 
ciled, and  contracted  a  strong  friendship. 

In  spite,  however,  of  the  kindness  of  his  relations 
and  their  great  attention  to  his  comforts,  the  old 
gentleman  soon  became  restless  and  discontented. 
His  history  being  published,  he  had  no  longer  any 
business  to  occupy  his  thoughts,  or  any  scheme  to 
excite  his  hopes  and  anticipations.  This,  to  a  busy 
mind  like  his,  was  a  truly  deplorable  situation  ;  and, 
had  he  not  been  a  man  of  inflexible  morals  and  reg- 


ACCOUNT   OF    THE  AUTHOR.  31 

ular  habits,  there  would  have  been  great  danger  of 
his  taking  to  politics,  or  drinking,  —  both  which  per- 
nicious vices  we  daily  see  men  driven  to  by  mere 
spleen  and  idleness. 

It  is  true,  he  sometimes  employed  himself  in  pre- 
paring a  second  edition  of  his  history,  wherein  he  en- 
deavored to  correct  and  improve  many  passages  with 
which  he  was  dissatisfied,  and  to  rectify  some  mis- 
takes that  had  crept  into  it ;  for  he  was  particularly 
anxious  that  his  work  should  be  noted  for  its  authen- 
ticity ;  which,  indeed,  is  the  very  life  and  soul  of 
history.  But  the  glow  of  composition  had  departed, 
—  he  had  to  leave  many  places  untouched,  which  he 
would  fain  have  altered ;  and  even  where  he  did 
make  alterations,  he  seemed  always  in  doubt  whether 
they  were  for  the  better  or  the  worse. 

After  a  residence  of  some  time  at  Scaghtikoke,  he 
began  to  feel  a  strong  desire  to  return  to  New  York, 
which  he  ever  regarded  with  the  warmest  affection  ; 
not  merely  because  it  was  his  native  city,  but  because 
he  really  considered  it  the  very  best  city  in  the  whole 
world.  On  his  return,  he  entered  into  the  full  en- 
joyment of  the  advantages  of  a  literary  reputation. 
He  was  continually  importuned  to  write  advertise- 
ments, petitions,  handbills,  and  productions  of  simi- 
lar import ;  and,  although  he  never  meddled  with 
the  public  papers,  yet  had  he  the  credit  of  writing 
innumerable  essays,  and  smart  things,  that  appeared 
on  all  subjects,  and  all  sides  of  the  question  ;  in  all 
which  he  was  clearly  detected  "  by  his  style." 

He  contracted,  moreover,  a  considerable  debt  at 
the  post-office,  in  consequence  of  the  numerous  let- 
ters he  received  from  authors  and  printers  soliciting 
his  subscription,  and  he  was  applied  to  by  every 
charitable  society  for  yearly  donations,  which  he 
gave  very  cheerfully,  considering  these  applications 


32  ACCOUNT   OF   THE  AUTHOR. 

as  so  many  compliments.  He  was  once  invited  to 
a  great  corporation  dinner ;  and  was  even  twice 
summoned  to  attend  as  a  juryman  at  the  court  of 
quarter  sessions.  Indeed,  so  renowned  did  he  be- 
come, that  he  could  no  longer  pry  about,  as  formerly, 
in  all  holes  and  corners  of  the  city,  according  to  the 
bent  of  his  humor,  unnoticed  and  uninterrupted ;  but 
several  times  when  he  has  been  sauntering  the 
streets,  on  his  usual  rambles  of  observation,  equipped 
with  his  cane  and  cocked  hat,  the  little  boys  at  play 
have  been  known  to  cry,  "  There  goes  Diedrich  ! "  — 
at  which  the  old  gentleman  seemed  not  a  little 
pleased,  looking  upon  these  salutations  in  the  light 
of  the  praise  of  posterity. 

In  a  word,  if  we  take  into  consideration  all  these 
various  honors  and  distinctions,  together  with  an  ex- 
uberant eulogium  passed  on  him  in  the  Port  Folio,  — 
(with  which,  we  are  told,  the  old  gentleman  was  so 
much  overpowered,  that  he  was  sick  for  two  or  three 
days,)  —  it  must  be  confessed,  that  few  authors  have 
ever  lived  to  receive  such  illustrious  rewards,  or  have 
so  completely  enjoyed  in  advance  their  own  immor- 
tality. 

After  his  return  from  Scaghtikoke,  Mr.  Knicker- 
bocker took  up  his  residence  at  a  little  rural  retreat, 
which  the  Stuyvesants  had  granted  him  on  the  family 
domain,  in  gratitude  for  his  honorable  mention  of 
their  ancestor.  It  was  pleasantly  situated  on  the 
borders  of  one  of  the  salt  marshes  beyond  Corlear's 
Hook ;  subject,  indeed,  to  be  occasionally  overflowed, 
and  much  infested,  in  the  summer  time,  with  mosqui- 
toes ;  but  otherwise  very  agreeable,  producing  abun- 
dant crops  of  salt  grass  and  bulrushes. 

Here,  we  are  sorry  to  say,  the  good  old  gentleman 
fell  dangerously  ill  of  a  fever,  occasioned  by  the 
neighboring  marshes.  When  he  found  his  end  ap- 


ACCOUNT   OF   THE  AUTHOR.  33 

preaching,  he  disposed  of  his  worldly  affairs,  leaving 
the  bulk  of  his  fortune  to  the  New  York  Historical 
Society ;  his  Heidelberg  Catechism,  and  Vander 
Donck's  work  to  the  city  library  ;  and  his  saddle- 
bags to  Mr.  Handaside.  He  forgave  all  his  enemies, 
—  that  is  to  say,  all  who  bore  any  enmity  towards 
him ;  for  as  to  himself,  he  declared  he  died  in  good 
will  with  all  the  world.  And,  after  dictating  sev- 
eral kind  messages  to  his  relations  at  Scaghtikoke, 
as  well  as  to  certain  of  our  most  substantial  Dutch 
citizens,  he  expired  in  the  arms  of  his  friend  the 
librarian. 

His  remains  were  interred,  according  to  his  own 
request,  in  St.  Mark's  churchyard,  close  by  the  bones 
of  his  favorite  hero,  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  and  it  is 
rumored,  that  the  Historical  Society  have  it  in  mind 
to  erect  a  wooden  monument  to  his  memory  in  the 
Bowling  Green. 


'O  rescue  from  oblivion  the  memory  of 
former  incidents,  and  to  render  a  just 
tribute  of  renown  to  the  many  great 
and  wonderful  transactions  of  our  Dutch  progeni- 
tors. Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  native  of  the  city 
of  New  York,  produces  this  historical  essay." 1 
Like  the  great  Father  of  History,  whose  words 
I  have  just  quoted,  I  treat  of  times  long  past, 
over  which  the  twilight  of  uncertainty  had  al- 
ready thrown  its  shadows,  and  the  night  of  for- 
getfulness  was  about  to  descend  forever.  With 
great  solicitude  had  I  long  beheld  the  early  his- 
tory of  this  venerable  and  ancient  city  gradually 
slipping  from  our  grasp,  trembling  on  the  lips  of 
narrative  old  age,  and  day  by  day  dropping  piece- 
meal into  the  tomb.  In  a  little  while,  thought 
I,  and  those  reverend  Dutch  burghers,  who  serve 
as  the  tottering  monuments  of  good  old  times, 
will  be  gathered  to  their  fathers ;  their  children, 
engrossed  by  the  empty  pleasures  or  insignificant 
transactions  of  the  present  age,  will  neglect"  to 
treasure  up  the  recollections  of  the  past,  and  pos- 
terity will  search  in  vain  for  memorials  of  the 
days  of  the  Patriarchs.  The  origin  of  our  city 
will  be  buried  in  eternal  oblivion,  and  even  the  . 
1  Beloe's  Herodotus. 


36  TO    THE  PUBLIC. 

names  and  achievements  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller, 
William  Kieft,  and  Peter  Stuyvesant,  be  envel- 
oped in  doubt  and  fiction,  like  those  of  Romulus 
and  Remus,  of  Charlemagne,  King  Arthur,  Ri- 
naldo,  and  Godfrey  of  Bologne. 

Determined,  therefore,  to  avert  if  possible  this 
threatened  misfortune,  I  industriously  set  myself 
to  work,  to  gather  together  all  the  fragments  of 
our  infant  history  which  still  existed,  and  like 
my  reverend  prototype,  Herodotus,  where  no  writ- 
ten records  could  be  found,  I  have  endeavored 
to  continue  the  chain  of  history  by  well-authenti- 
cated traditions. 

In  this  arduous  undertaking,  which  has  been 
the  whole  business  of  a  long  and  solitary  life,  it 
is  incredible  the  number  of  learned  authors  I 
have  consulted ;  and  all  but  to  little  purpose. 
Strange  as  it  may  seem,  though  such  multitudes 
of  excellent  works  have  been  written  about  this 
country,  there  are  none  extant  which  gave  any 
full  and  satisfactory  account  of  the  early  history 
of  New  York,  or  of  its  three  first  Dutch  govern- 
ors. I  have,  however,  gained  much  valuable  and 
curious  matter,  from  an  elaborate  manuscript 
written  in  exceeding  pure  and  classic  Low  Dutch, 
excepting  a  few  errors  in  orthography,  which  was 
found  in  the  archives  of  the  Stuyvesant  family. 
Many  legends,  letters,  and  other  documents  have 
I  likewise  gleaned,  in  my  researches  among  the 
family  chests  and  lumber-garrets  of  our  respecta- 
ble Dutch  citizens  ;  and  I  have  gathered  a  host 
of  well-authenticated  traditions  from  divers  excel- 
lent old  ladies  of  my  acquaintance,  who  requested 


TO    THE  PUBLIC.  37 

that  their  names  might  not  be  mentioned.  Nor 
must  I  neglect  to  acknowledge  how  greatly  I 
have  been  assisted  by  that  admirable  and  praise- 
worthy institution,  the  NEW  YORK  HISTORICAL 
SOCIETY,  to  which  I  here  publicly  return  my  sin- 
cere acknowledgments. 

In  the  conduct  of  this  inestimable  work  I  have 
adopted  no  individual  model ;  but,  on  the  con- 
trary, have  simply  contented  myself  with  combin- 
ing and  concentrating  the  excellences  of  the  most 
approved  ancient  historians.  Like  Xenophon,  I 
have  maintained  the  utmost  impartiality,  and  the 
strictest  adherence  to  truth  throughout  my  his- 
tory. I  have  enriched  it  after  the  manner  of 
Sallust,  with  various  characters  of  ancient  wor- 
thies, drawn  at  full  length,  and  faithfully  colored. 
I  have  seasoned  it  with  profound  political  specu- 
lations like  Thucydides,  sweetened  it  with  the 
graces  of  sentiment  like  Tacitus,  and  infused  into 
the  whole  the  dignity,  the  grandeur,  and  magnifi- 
cence of  Livy. 

I  am  aware  that  I  shall  incur  the  censure  of 
numerous  very  learned  and  judicious  critics,  for 
indulging  too  frequently  in  the  bold  excursive 
manner  of  my  favorite  Herodotus.  And  to  be 
candid,  I  have  found  it  impossible  always  to  re- 
sist the  allurements  of  those  pleasing  episodes 
which,  like  flowery  banks  and  fragrant  bowers, 
beset  the  dusty  road  of  the  historian,  and  entice 
him  to  turn  aside,  and  refresh  himself  from  his 
wayfaring.  But  I  trust  it  will  be  found  that  I 
have  always  resumed  my  staff,  and  addressed 
myself  to  my  weary  journey  with  renovated  spir- 


38  TO    THE  PUBLIC. 

its,  so  that  both  my  readers  and  myself  have 
been  benefited  by  the  relaxation. 

Indeed,  though  it  has  been  my  constant  wish 
and  uniform  endeavor  to  rival  Polybius  himself, 
in  observing  the  requisite  unity  of  history,  yet 
the  loose  and  unconnected  manner  in  which 
many  of  the  facts  herein  recorded  have  come  to 
hand,  rendered  such  an  attempt  extremely  diffi- 
cult. This  difficulty  was  likewise  increased  by 
one  of  the  grand  objects  contemplated  in  my 
work,  which  was  to  trace  the  rise  of  sundry  cus- 
toms and  institutions  in  this  best  of  cities,  and 
to  compare  them,  when  in  the  germ  of  infancy, 
with  what  they  are  in  the  present  old  age  of 
knowledge  and  improvement. 

But  the  chief  merit  on  which  I  value  myself, 
and  found  my  hopes  for  future  regard,  is  that 
faithful  veracity  with  which  I  have  compiled  this 
invaluable  little  work  ;  carefully  winnowing  away 
the  chaff  of  hypothesis,  and  discarding  the  tares 
of  fable,  which  are  too  apt  to  spring  up  and 
choke  the  seeds  of  truth  and  wholesome  knowl- 
edge. Had  I  been  anxious  to  captivate  the 
superficial  throng,  who  skim  like  swallows  over 
the  surface  of  literature ;  or  had  I  been  anxious 
to  commend  my  writings  to  the  pampered  palates 
of  literary  epicures,  I  might  have  availed  myself 
of  the  obscurity  that  overshadows  the  infant 
years  of  our  city,  to  introduce  a  thousand  pleas- 
ing fictions.  But  I  have  scrupulously  discarded 
many  a  pithy  tale  and  marvellous  adventure, 
whereby  the  drowsy  ear  of  summer  indolence 
might  be  enthralled ;  jealously  maintaining  that 


TO    THE  PUBLIC.  39 

fidelity,  gravity,  and  dignity,  which  should  ever 
distinguish  the  historian.  "  For  a  writer  of  this 
class,"  observes  an  elegant  critic,  "  must  sustain 
the  character  of  a  wise  man,  writing  for  the  in- 
struction of  posterity ;  one  who  has  studied  to 
inform  himself  well,  who  has  pondered  his  sub- 
ject with  care,  and  addresses  himself  to  our  judg- 
ment, rather  than  to  our  imagination." 

Thrice  happy,  therefore,  is  this  our  renowned 
city  in  having  incidents  worthy  of  swelling  the 
theme  of  liistory ;  and  doubly  thrice  happy  is  it 
in  having  such  an  historian  as  myself  to  relate 
them.  For  after  all,  gentle  reader,  cities  of 
themselves,  and,  in  fact,  empires  of  themselves,  are 
nothing  without  an  historian.  It  is  the  patient 
narrator  who  records  their  prosperity  as  they 
rise,  —  who  blazons  forth  the  splendor  of  their 
noon-tide  meridian,  —  who  props  their  feeble  me- 
morials as  they  totter  to  decay,  —  who  gathers 
together  their  scattered  fragments  as  they  rot,  — 
and  who  piously,  at  length,  collects  their  ashes 
into  the  mausoleum  of  his  work  and  rears  a 
monument  that  will  transmit  their  renown  to  all 
succeeding  ages. 

What  has  been  the  fate  of  many  fair  cities 
of  antiquity,  whose  nameless  ruins  encumber  the 
plains  of  Europe  and  Asia,  and  awaken  the  fruit- 
less inquiry  of  the  traveller?  They  have  sunk 
into  dust  and  silence,  —  they  have  perished  from 
remembrance  for  want  of  an  historian !  The 
philanthropist  may  weep  over  their  desolation,  — 
the  poet  may  wander  among  their  mouldering 
arches  and  broken  columns,  and  indulge  the 


40  TO   THE  PUBLIC. 

visionary  flights  of  his  fancy,  —  but,  alas  !  alas  ! 
the  modern  historian,  whose  pen,  like  my  own, 
is  doomed  to  confine  itself  to  dull  matter-of-fact, 
seeks  in  vain  among  their  oblivious  remains  for 
some  memorial  that  may  tell  the  instructive  tale 
of  their  glory  and  their  ruin. 

"  Wars,  conflagrations,  deluges,"  says  Aristotle, 
"  destroy  nations,  and  with  them  all  their  monu- 
ments, their  discoveries,  and  their  vanities.  The 
torch  of  science  has  more  than  once  been  extin- 
guished and  rekindled  ;  —  a  few  individuals,  who 
have  escaped  by  accident,  reunite  the  thread  of 
generations." 

The  same'  sad  misfortune  which  has  happened 
to  so  many  ancient  cities  will  happen  again,  and 
from  the  same  sad  cause,  to  nine  tenths  of  those 
which  now  flourish  on  the  face  of  the  globe. 
With  most  of  them  the  time  for  recording  their 
early  history  is  gone  by ;  their  origin,  their  foun- 
dation, together  with  the  eventful  period  of  their 
youth,  are  forever  buried  in  the  rubbish  of  years  ; 
and  the  same  would  have  been  the  case  with  this 
fair  portion  of  the  earth,  if  I  had  not  snatched  it 
from  obscurity  in  the  very  nick  of  time,  at  the 
moment  that  those  matters  herein  recorded  were 
about  entering  into  the  wide -spread,  insatiable 
maw  of  oblivion,  —  if  I  had  not  dragged  them 
out,  as  it  were,  by  the  very  locks,  just  as  the 
monster's  adamantine  fangs  were  closing  upon 
them  forever !  And  here  have  I,  as  before  ob 
served",  carefully  collected,  collated,  and  arranged 
them,  scrip  and  scrap,  "punt  en  punt,  gat  en  gat," 
and  commenced  in  this  little  work  a  history,  tx 


TO   THE  PUBLIC.  41 

serve  as  a  foundation  on  which  other  historians 
may  hereafter  raise  a  noble  superstructure,  swell- 
ing in  process  of  time,  until  Knickerbocker's  New 
York  may  be  equally  voluminous  with  Gibbon's 
Rome,  or  Hume  and  Smollefs  England! 

And  now  indulge  me  for  a  moment,  while  I 
lay  down  my  pen,  skip  to  some  little  eminence 
at  the  distance  of  two  or  three  hundred  years 
ahead  ;  and,  casting  back  a  bird's-eye  glance  over 
the  waste  of  years  that  is  to  roll  between,  dis- 
cover myself  —  little  I  —  at  this  moment  the 
progenitor,  prototype,  and  precursor  of  them  all, 
posted  at  the  head  of  this  host  of  literary  wor- 
thies, with  my  book  under  my  arm,  and  New 
York  on  my  back,  pressing  forward,  like  a  gal- 
lant commander,  to  honor  and  immortality. 

Such  are  the  vainglorious  imaginings  that  Avill 
now  and  then  enter  into  the  brain  of  the  author, 
—  that  irradiate,  as  with  celestial  light,  his  soli- 
tary chamber,  cheering  his  weary  spirits,  and 
animating  him  to  persevere  in  his  labors.  And 
I  have  freely  given  utterance  to  these  rhapsodies 
whenever  they  have  occurred ;  not,  I  trust,  from 
an  unusual  spirit  of  egotism,  but  merely  that  the 
reader  may  for  once  have  an  idea  how  an  author 
thinks  and  feels  while  he  is  writing,  —  a  kind  of 
knowledge  very  rare  and  curious,  and  much  to  be 
desired. 


BOOK   I. 

CONTAINING  DIVERS  INGENIOUS  THEORIES  AND  PHILO- 
SOPHIC SPECULATIONS,  CONCERNING  THE  CREATION 
AND  POPULATION  OF  THE  WORLD,  AS  CONNECTED  WITH 
THE  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER   I. 

DESCRIPTION   OF   THE   WORLD. 

iCCORDING  to  the  best  authorities, 
the  world  in  which  we  dwell  is  a  huge, 
opaque,  reflecting,  inanimate  mass,  float- 
ing in  the  vast  ethereal  ocean  of  infinite  space. 
It  has  the  form  of  an  orange,  being  an  oblate 
spheroid,  curiously  flattened  at  opposite  parts,  for 
the  insertion  of  two  imaginary  poles,  which  are 
supposed  to  penetrate  and  unite  at  the  centre ; 
thus  forming  an  axis  on  which  the  mighty  orange 
turns  with  a  regular  diurnal  revolution. 

The  transitions  of  light  and  darkness,  whence 
proceed  the  alternations  of  day  and  night,  are 
produced  by  this  diurnal  revolution  successively 


44  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

presenting  the  different  parts  of  the  earth  to  the 
rays  of  the  sun.  The  latter  is,  according  to  the 
best,  that  is  to  say,  the  latest  accounts,  a  lumi- 
nous or  fiery  body,  of  a  prodigious  magnitude, 
from  which  this  world  is  driven  by  a  centrifugal 
or  repelling  power,  and  to  which  it  is  drawn  by 
a  centripetal  or  attractive  force  ;  otherwise  called 
the  attraction  of  gravitation ;  the  combination,  or 
rather  the  counteraction  of  these  two  opposing 
impulses  producing  a  circular  and  annual  revolu- 
tion. Hence  result  the  different  seasons  of  the 
year,  viz :  spring,  summer,  autumn,  and  winter. 

This  I  believe  to  be  the  most  approved  mod- 
ern theory  on  the  subject,  —  though  there  be 
many  philosophers  who  have  entertained  very 
different  opinions ;  some,  too,  of  them  entitled 
to  much  deference  from  their  great  antiquity  and 
illustrious  character.  Thus  it  was  advanced  by 
some  of  the  ancient  sages,  that  the  earth  was  an 
extended  plain,  supported  by  vast  pillars ;  and  by 
others,  that  it  rested  on  the  head  of  a  snake,  or 
the  back  of  a  huge  tortoise ;  —  but  as  they  did 
not  provide  a  resting-place  for  either  the  pillars 
or  the  tortoise,  the  whole  theory  fell  to  the 
ground,  for  want  of  proper  foundation. 

The  Brahmins  assert,  that  the  heavens  rest 
upon  the  earth,  and  the  sun  and  moon  swim 
therein  like  fishes  in  the  water,  moving  from  east 
to  west  by  day,  and  gliding  along  the  edge  of 
the  horizon  to  their  original  stations  during 
night ; 1  while,  according  to  the  Pauranicas  of 
India,  it  is  a  vast  plain,  encircled  by  seven  oceans 
1  Faria  v  Souza.  Mick.  lus.  note  b.  7. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  45 

of  milk,  nectar,  and  other  delicious  liquids  ;  that 
it  is  studded  with  seven  mountains,  and  orna- 
mented in  the  centre  by  a  mountainous  rock  of 
burnished  gold ;  and  that  a  great  dragon  occa- 
sionally swallows  up  the  moon,  which  accounts 
for  the  phenomena  of  lunar  eclipses.1 

Beside  these,  and  many  other  equally  sage 
opinions,  we  have  the  profound  conjectures  of 
ABOUL-HASSAN-ALY,  son  of  Al  Khan,  son  of 
Aly,  son  of  Abderrahman,  son  of  Abdallah,  son 
of  Masoud-el-IIadheli  who  is  commonly  called 
MASOUDI,  and  surnamed  Cothbiddin,  but  who 
takes  the  humble  title  of  Laheb-ar-rasoul,  which 
means  the  companion  of  the  ambassador  of  God. 
He  has  written  a  universal  history,  entitled  "  Mou- 
roudge-ed-dharab,  or  the  Golden  Meadows,  and 
the  Mines  of  Precious  Stones."  2  In  this  valua- 
ble work  he  has  related  the  history  of  the  world 
from  the  creation  down  to  the  moment  of  writ- 
ing ;  which  was  under  the  Khaliphat  of  Mothi 
Billah,  in  the  month  Dgioumadi-el-aoual  of  the 
33Gth  year  of  the  llegira  or  flight  of  the  Proph- 
et. He  informs  us  that  the  earth  is  a  huge  bird, 
Mecca  and  Medina  constituting  the  head,  Persia 
and  India  the  right  wing,  the  land  of  Gog  the 
left  wing,  and  Africa  the  tail.  He  informs  us, 
moreover,  that  an  earth  has  existed  before  the 
present  (which  he  considers  as  a  mere  chicken 
of  7000  years),  that  it  has  undergone  divers  del- 
uges, and  that,  according  to  the  opinion  of  some 
well-informed  Brahmins  of  his  acquaintance,  it 

1  Sir  W.  Jones,  Diss.  Antiq.  Ind.  Zod. 

2  MSS.  Bibliot.  Roi.  Fr. 


46  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

will  be  renovated  every  seventy  thousandth  haz- 
arouam;  each  hazarouam  consisting  of  12,000 
years. 

These  are  a  few  of  the  many  contradictory 
opinions  of  philosophers  concerning  the  earth, 
and  we  find  that  the  learned  have  had  equal 
perplexity  as  to  the  nature  of  the  sun.  Some 
of  the  ancient  philosophers  have  affirmed  that 
it  is  a  vast  wheel  of  brilliant  fire  ;  *  others,  that 
it  is  merely  a  mirror  or  sphere  of  transparent 
crystal ; 2  and  a  third  class,  at  the  head  of  whom 
stands  Anaxagoras,  maintained  that  it  was  noth- 
ing but  a  huge  ignited  mass  of  iron  or  stone, — 
indeed,  he  declared  the  heavens  to  be  merely  a 
vault  of  stone,  — -  and  that  the  stars  were  stones 
whirled  upward  from  the  earth,  and  set  on  fire 
by  the  velocity  of  its  revolutions.3  But  I  give 
little  attention  to  the  doctrines  of  this  philos- 
opher, the  people  of  Athens  having  fully  refuted 
them,  by  banishing  him  from  their  city :  a  concise 
mode  of  answering  unwelcome  doctrines,  much 
resorted  to  in  former  days.  Another  sect  of  phi- 
losophers do  declare,  that  certain  fiery  particles 
exhale  constantly  from  the  earth,  which,  concen- 
trating in  a  single  point  of  the  firmament  by  day, 
constitute  the  sun,  but  being  scattered  and  ram- 
bling about  in  the  dark  at  night,  collect  in  vari- 
ous points,  and  form  stare.  These  are  regularly 
burnt  out  and  extinguished,  not  unlike  to  the 

1  Plutarch  de  placitis  Philosoph.  lib.  ii.  cap.  20. 

2  Achill.  Tat.  isag.  cap.  19.     Ap.  Petav.  t.  iii.  p.  81.    Stob. 
Eclog.  Phys.  lib.  i.  p.  56.     Plut.  de  Plac.  Phi. 

8  Diogenes  Laertius  in  Anaxag.  1.  ii.  sec.  8.     Plat.  Apol.  t. 
i.  p.  26.     Plut.  de  Plac.  Philo.     Xenoph.  Mem.  1.  iv.  p.  815. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  47 

lamps  in  our  streets,  and  require  a  fresh  supply 
of  exhalations  for  the  next  occasion.1 

It  is  even  recorded,  that  at  certain  remote  and 
obscure  periods,  in  consequence  of  a  great  scar- 
city of  fuel,  the  sun  has  been  completely  burnt 
out,  and  sometimes  not  rekindled  for  a  month  at 
a  time.  A  most  melancholy  circumstance,  the 
very  idea  of  which  gave  vast  concern  to  Heracli- 
tus,  that  worthy  weeping  philosopher  of  antiquity. 
In  addition  to  these  various  speculations,  it  was 
the  opinion  of  Herschel,  that  the  sun  is  a  mag- 
nificent, habitable  abode ;  the  light  it  furnishes 
arising  from  certain  empyreal,  luminous  or  phos- 
phoric clouds,  swimming  in  its  transparent  at- 
mosphere.2 

But  we  will  not  enter  farther  at  present  into 
the  nature  of  the  sun,  that  being  an  inquiry  not 
immediately  necessary  to  the  development  of  this 
history ;  neither  will  we  embroil  ourselves  in 
any  more  of  the  endless  disputes  of  philosophers 
touching  the  form  of  this  globe,  but  content  our- 
selves with  the  theory  advanced  in  the  begin- 
ning of  this  chapter,  and  will  proceed  to  illus- 
trate, by  experiment,  the  complexity  of  motion 
therein  ascribed  to  this  our  rotatory  planet. 

Professor  Von  Poddingcoft  (or  Puddinghead, 
as  the  name  may  be  rendered  into  English) 
was  long  celebrated  in  the  university  of  Ley- 
den,  for  profound  gravity  of  deportment,  and  a 
talent  at  going  to  sleep  in  the  midst  of  exami- 

1  Aristot.  Meteor.  1.  ii.  c.  2.  Idem.  Probl.  sec.  15,  Stob.  Eel. 
Phys.  1.  i.  p.  55.   Bruck.  Hist.  Phil.  t.  i.  p.  1154,  &c. 

2  Philos.  Trans.  1795,  p.  72.    Idem.  1801,  p.  265.    Nich. 
Philos.  Journ.  I.  p.  13. 


48  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

nations,  to  the  infinite  relief  of  his  hopeful  stu- 
dents, who  thereby  worked  their  Avay  through 
college  with  great  ease  and  little  study.  In  the 
course  of  one  of  his  lectures,  the  learned  pro- 
fessor, seizing  a  bucket  of  water,  swung  it  around 
his  head  at  arm's  length.  The  impulse  with 
which  he  threw  the  vessel  from  him,  being  a 
centrifugal  force,  the  retention  of  his  arm  oper- 
ating as  a  centripetal  power,  and  the  bucket, 
which  Avas  a  substitute  for  the  earth,  describing 
a  circular  orbit  round  about  the  globular  head 
and  ruby  visage  of  Professor  Von  Poddingcoft, 
which  formed  no  bad  representation  of  the  sun. 
All  of  these  particulars  were  duly  explained  to 
the  class  of  gaping  students  around  him.  He 
apprised  them,  moreover,  that  the  same  principle 
of  gravitation,  which  retained  the  water  in  the 
bucket,  restrains  the  ocean  from  flying  from  the 
earth  in  its  rapid  revolutions  ;  and  he  farther 
informed  them  that  should  the  motion  of  the 
earth  be  suddenly  checked,  it  would  inconti- 
nently fall  into  the  sun,  through  the  centripetal 
force  of  gravitation,  —  a  most  ruinous  event  to 
this  planet,  and  one  which  would  also  obscure, 
though  it  most  probably  would  not  extinguish, 
the  solar  luminary.  An  unlucky  stripling,  one 
of  those  vagrant  geniuses,  who  seem  sent  into 
the  world  merely  to  annoy  worthy  men  of  the 
puddinghead  order,  desirous  of  ascertaining  the 
correctness  of  the  experiment,  suddenly  arrested 
the  arm  of  the  professor,  just  at  the  moment 
that  the  bucket  was  in  its  zenith,  which  im- 
mediately descended  with  astonishing  precision 


HISTORY  OF  FEW  YORK.  49 

upon  the  philosophic  head  of  the  instructor  of 
youth.  A  hollow  sound,  and  a  red-hot  hiss, 
attended  the  contact ;  but  the  theory  was  in 
the  amplest  manner  illustrated,  for  the  unfortu- 
nate bucket  perished  in  the  conflict;  but  the 
blazing  countenance  of  Professor  Von  Podding- 
coft  emerged  from  amidst  the  waters,  glowing 
fiercer  than  ever  with  unutterable  indignation, 
whereby  the  students  were  marvellously  edified, 
and  departed  considerably  wiser  than  before. 

It  is  a  mortifying  circumstance,  which  greatly 
perplexes  many  a  painstaking  philosopher,  that 
nature  often  refuses  to  second  his  most  profound 
and  elaborate  efforts ;  so  that  after  having  in- 
vented one  of  the  most  ingenious  and  natural 
theories  imaginable,  she  will  have  the  perverse- 
ness  to  act  directly  in  the  teeth  of  his  system,  and 
fiatly  contradict  his  most  favorite  positions.  This 
is  a  manifest  and  unmerited  grievance,  since 
it  throws  the  censure  of  the  vulgar  and  un- 
learned entirely  upon  the  philosopher  ;  whereas 
the  fault  is  not  to  be  ascribed  to  his  theory,  which 
is  unquestionably  correct,  but  to  the  wayward- 
ness of  dame  nature,  who,  with  the  proverbial 
fickleness  of  her  sex,  is  continually  indulging  in 
coquetries  and  caprices,  and  seems  really  to  take 
pleasure  in  violating  all  philosophic  rules,  and 
jilting  the  most  learned  and  indefatigable  of  her 
adorers.  Thus  it  happened  with  respect  to  the 
foregoing  satisfactory  explanation  of  the  motion 
of  our  planet ;  it  appears  that  the  centrifugal 
force  has  long  since  ceased  to  operate,  while  its 
antagonist  remains  in  undiminished  potency  ;  the 


50  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

world,  therefore,  according  to  the  theory  as  it 
originally  stood,  ought  in  strict  propriety  to  tum- 
ble into  the  sun;  philosophers  were  convinced 
that  it  would  do  so,  and  awaited  in  anxious 
impatience  the  fulfilment  of  their  prognostics. 
But  the  untoward  planet  pertinaciously  contin- 
ued her  course,  notwithstanding  that  she  had 
reason,  philosophy,  and  a  whole  university  of 
learned  professors  opposed  to  her  conduct.  The 
philosophers  took  this  in  very  ill  part,  and  it  is 
thought  they  would  never  have  pardoned  the 
slight  and  affront  which  they  conceived  put 
upon  them  by  the  world,  had  not  a  good  -  na- 
tured  professor  kindly  officiated  as  a  mediator 
between  the  parties,  and  effected  a  reconcilia- 
tion. 

Finding  the  world  would  not  accommodate 
itself  to  the  theory,  he  wisely  determined  to 
accommodate  the  theory  to  the  world ;  he  there- 
fore informed  his  brother  philosophers,  that  the 
circular  motion  of  the  earth  round  the  sun  was 
no  sooner  engendered  by  the  conflicting  impulses 
above  described,  than  it  became  a  regular  revo- 
lution, independent  of  the  causes  which  gave  it 
origin.  His  learned  brethren  readily  joined  in 
the  opinion,  being  heartily  glad  of  any  explana- 
tion that  would  decently  extricate  them  from  their 
embarrassment ;  and  ever  since  that  memora- 
ble era  the  world  has  been  left  to  take  her  own 
course,  and  to  revolve  around  the  sun  in  such 
orbit  as  she  thinks  proper. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  51 


CHAPTER   H. 


'AVING  thus  briefly  introduced  my 
reader  to  the  world,  and  given  him 
some  idea  of  its  form  and  situation, 
he  will  naturally  be  curious  to  know  from 
whence  it  came,  and  how  it  was  created.  And, 
indeed,  the  clearing  up  of  these  points  is  abso- 
lutely essential  to  my  history,  inasmuch  as  if 
this  Avorld  had  not  been  formed,  it  is  more  than 
probable  that  this  renowned  island,  on  which 
is  situated  the  city  of  New  York,  would  never 
have  had  an  existence. .  The  regular  course  of 
my  history,  therefore,  requires  that  I  should 
proceed  to  notice  the  cosmogony  or  formation 
of  this  our  globe. 

And  now  I  give  my  readers  fair  warning 
that  I  am  about  to  plunge,  for  a  chapter  or  two, 
into  as  complete  a  labyrinth  as  ever  historian 
was  perplexed  withal ;  therefore,  I  advise  them 
to  take  fast  hold  of  my  skirts,  and  keep  close 
at  my  heels,  venturing  neither  to  the  right 
hand  nor  to  the  left,  lest  they  get  bemired  in 
a  slough  of  unintelligible  learning,  or  have  their 


52  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

brains  knocked  out  by  some  of  those  hard  Greek 
names  which  will  be  flying  about  in  all  direc- 
tions. But  should  any  of  them  be  too  indolent 
or  chicken-hearted  to  accompany  me  in  this 
perilous  undertaking,  they  had  better  take  a 
short  cut  round,  and  wait  for  me  at  the  begin- 
ning of  some  smoother  chapter. 

Of  the  creation  of  the  world,  we  have  a  thou- 
sand contradictory  accounts ;  and  though  a  very 
satisfactory  one  is  furnished  us  by  divine  revela- 
tion, yet  every  philosopher  feels  himself  in  honor 
bound  to  furnish  us  with  a  better.  As  an  im- 
partial historian  I  consider  it  my  duty  to  notice 
their  several  theories,  by  which  mankind  have 
been  so  exceedingly  edified  and  instructed. 

Tims  it  Avas  the  opinion  of  certain  ancient 
sages,  that  the  earth  and  the  whole  system  of 
the  universe  was  the  Deity  himself ; 1  a  doctrine 
most  strenuously  maintained  by  Zenophanes  and 
the  whole  tribe  of  Eleatics,  as  also  by  Strabo 
and  the  sect  of  peripatetic  philosophers.  Pythag- 
oras likewise  inculcate4  the  famous  numerical 
system  of  the  monad,  dyad,  and  triad,  and  by 
means  of  his  sacred  quaternary  elucidated  the 
formation  of  the  world,  the  arcana  of  nature, 
and  the  principles  both  of  music  and  morals.2 
Other  sages  adhered  to  the  mathematical  system 
of  squares  and  triangles  ;  the  cube,  the  pyramid, 
and  the  sphere  ;  the  tetrahedron,  the  octahedron, 

1  Aristot.  ap.  Cic.  lib.  i.  cap.  3. 

2  Aristot.  Metaph.  lib.  i.  c.  5.     Idem,  de  Ccelo.  1.  iii.  c.  1. 
Rousseau  Mem.sur  Musique  ancien.  p.  39.     Plutarch  de  1'lac. 
Philos.  lib.  i.  cap.  3. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  53 

the  icosahedron,  and  the  dodecahedron.1  While 
others  advocated  the  great  elementary  theory 
which  refers  the  construction  of  our  globe  and 
all  that  it  contains  to  the  combinations  of  four 
material  elements :  air,  earth,  fire,  and  water ; 
with  the  assistance  of  a  fifth,  an  immaterial  and 
vivifying  principle. 

Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention  the  great  atomic 
system  taught  by  old  Moschus,  before  the  siege 
of  Troy ;  revived  by  Democritus  of  laughing 
memory ;  improved  by  Epicurus,  that  king  of 
good  fellows,  and  modernized  by  the  fanciful 
Descartes.  But  I  decline  inquiring  whether  the 
atoms,  of  which  the  earth  is  said  to  be  composed, 
are  eternal  or  recent ;  whether  they  are  animate 
or  inanimate ;  whether,  agreeably  to  the  opinion 
of  the  atheists,  they  were  fortuitously  aggregated, 
or,  as  the  theists  maintain,  were  arranged  by 
a  supreme  intelligence.2  Whether,  in  fact,  the 
earth  be  an  insensate  clod,  or  whether  it  be  ani- 
mated by  a  soul ; 3  which  opinion  was  stren- 
uously maintained  by  a  host  of  philosophers,  at 
the  head  of  whom  stands  the  great  Plato,  that 
temperate  sage,  who  threw  the  cold  water  of  phi- 
losophy on  the  form  of  sexual  intercourse,  and 
inculcated  the  doctrine  of  Platonic  love,  —  an 
exquisitely  refined  intercourse,  but  much  better 
adapted  to  the  ideal  inhabitants  of  his  imaginary 

1  Tim.  Locr.  ap.  Plato,  t.  iii.  p.  90. 

2  Aristot,  Nat.  Auscult.  1.  ii.  cap.  6.    Aristoph.  Metaph.  lib. 
i.  cap.  3.     Cic.  de  Nat.  Deor.  lib.  i.  cap.  10.     Justin  Mart, 
oral,  ad  gent.  p.  20. 

3  Mosheim  in  Cudw.  lib.  i.  cap.  4.     Tim.  de  aniui.  mnnd. 
ap.  Plat.  lib.  iii.    Mem.  do  1'Acatl.  des  Belles-Lettr.  t.  xxxii. 
p.  19,  et  al. 


54  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

island  of  Atlantis  than  to  the  sturdy  race,  bom- 
posed  of  rebellious  flesh  and  blood,  which  popu- 
lates the  little  matter-of-fact  island  we  inhabit. 

Beside  these  systems,  we  have,  moreover,  the 
poetical  theogony  of  old  Hesiod,  who  generated 
the  whole  universe  in  the  regular  mode  of  pro- 
creation, and  the  plausible  opinion  of  others,  that 
the  earth  was  hatched  from  the  great  egg  of 
night,  which  floated  in  chaos,  and  was  cracked  by 
the  horns  of  the  celestial  bull.  To  illustrate  this 
last  doctrine,  Burnet,  in  his  theory  of  the  earth,1 
has  favored  us  with  an  accurate  drawing  and 
description,  both  of  the  form  and  texture  of  this 
mundane  egg ;  which  is  found  to  bear  a  marvel- 
lous resemblance  to  that  of  a  goose.  Such  of 
my  readers  as  take  a  proper  interest  in  the  origin 
of  this  our  planet,  will  be  pleased  to  leani  that 
the  most  profound  sages  of  antiquity  among  the 
Egyptians,  Chaldeans,  Persians,  Greeks,  and  Lat- 
ins, have  alternately  assisted  at  the  hatching  of 
this  strange  bird,  and  that  their  cacklings  have 
been  caught,  and  continued  in  different  tones  and 
inflections,  from  philosopher  to  philosopher,  unto 
the  present  day. 

But  while  briefly  noticing  long  celebrated  sys- 
tems of  ancient  sages,  let  me  not  pass  over 
with  neglect  those  of  other  philosophers ;  which, 
though  less  universal  and  renowned,  have  equal 
claims  to  attention,  and  equal  chance  for  correct- 
ness. Thus,  it  is  recorded  by  the  Brahmins, 
in  the  pages  of  their  inspired  Shastah,  that  the 
angel  Bistnoo,  transforming  himself  into  a  great 
l  Book  i.  ch.  5. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK,  55 

boar,  plunged  into  the  watery  abyss,  and  brought 
up  the  earth  on  his  tusks.  Then  issued  from 
him  a  mighty  tortoise,  and  a  mighty  snake ;  and 
Bistnoo  placed  the  snake  erect  upon  the  back  of 
the  tortoise,  and  he  placed  the  earth  upon  the 
head  of  the  snake.1 

The  negro  philosophers  of  Congo  affirm  that 
the  world  was  made  by  the  hands  of  angels,  ex- 
cepting their  own  country,  which  the  Supreme 
Being  constructed  liimself,  that  it  might  be  su- 
premely excellent.  And  he  took  great  pains 
with  the  inhabitants,  and  made  them  very  black, 
and  beautiful ;  and  when  he  had  finished  the  first 
man,  he  was  well  pleased  with  him,  and  smoothed 
him  over  the  face,  and  hence  his  nose,  and  the 
nose  of  all  his  descendants,  became  flat. 

The  Mohawk  philosophers  tell  us  that  a  preg- 
nant woman  fell  down  from  heaven,  and  that  a 
tortoise  took  her  upon  its  back,  because  every 
place  was  covered  with  water;  and  that  the 
Avoman,  sitting  upon  the  tortoise,  paddled  with 
her  hands  in  the  water,  and  raked  up  the  earth, 
whence  it  finally  happened  that  the  earth  became 
higher  than  the  water.2 

But  I  forbear  to  quote  a  number  more  of 
these  ancient  and  outlandish  philosophers,  whose 
deplorable  ignorance,  in  despite  of  all  their  erudi- 
tion, compelled  them  to  write  in  languages  which 
but  few  of  my  readers  can  understand;  and  I 
shall  proceed  briefly  to  notice  a  few  more  intel- 

1  Hohvell.  Gent.  Philosophy. 

2  Johannes  Megapolensis,  "Jun.     Account  of  Maquaas   or 
Mohawk  Indians. 


56  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

ligible  and  fashionable  theories  of  their  modern 
successors. 

Ajid,  first,  I  shall  mention  the  great  Buffon, 
who  conjectures  that  this  globe  was  originally  a 
globe  of  liquid  fire,  scintillated  from  the  body  of 
the  sun,  by  the  percussion  of  a  comet,  as  a  spark 
is  generated  by  the  collision  of  flint  and  steel. 
That  at  first  it  was  surrounded  by  gross  vapors, 
which,  cooling  and  condensing  in  process  of  time, 
constituted,  according  to  their  .densities,  earth, 
water,  and  air ;  which  gradually  arranged  them- 
selves, according  to  their  respective  gravities, 
round  the  burning  or  vitrified  mass  that  formed 
their  centre. 

Hutton,  on  the  contrary,  supposes  that  the 
waters  at  first  were  universally  paramount ;  and 
h©  terrifies  himself  with  the  idea  that  the  earth 
must  be  eventually  washed  away  by  the  force  of 
rain,  rivers,  and  mountain  torrents,  until  it  is 
confounded  with  the  ocean,  or,  in  other  words 
absolutely  dissolves  into  itself.  Sublime  idea ! 
far  surpassing  that  of  the  tender-hearted  damsel 
of  antiquity,  who  wept  herself  into  a  fountain ; 
or  the  good  dame  of  Narbonne  in  France,  who, 
for  a  volubility  of  tongue  unusual  in  her  sex, 
was  doomed  to  peel  five  hundred  thousand  and 
thirty-nine  ropes  of  onions,  and  actually  run  out 
at  her  eyes  before  half  the  hideous  task  was 
accomplished. 

Winston,  the  same  ingenious  philosopher  who 
rivalled  Ditton  in  his  researches  after  the  longi- 
tude (for  which  the  mischief-loving  Swift  dis- 
charged on  their  heads  a  most  savory  stanza), 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  57 

has  distinguished  himself  by  a  very  admirable 
theory  respecting  the  earth.  He  conjectures  that 
it  was  originally  a  chaotic  comet,  which  being 
selected  for  the  abode  of  man,  was  removed  from 
its  eccentric  orbit,  and  whirled  round  the  sun  in 
its  present  regular  motion ;  by  which  change  of 
direction,  order  succeeded  to  confusion  in  the 
arrangement  of  its  component  parts.  The  phi- 
losopher adds,  that  the  deluge  Avas  produced  by 
an  uncourteous  salute  from  the  watery  tail  of 
another  comet ;  doubtless  through  sheer  envy  of 
its  improved  condition ;  thus  furnishing  a  mel- 
ancholy proof  that  jealousy  may  prevail,  even 
among  the  heavenly  bodies,  and  discord  interrupt 
that  celestial  harmony  of  the  spheres,  so  melodi- 
ously sung  by  the  poets. 

But  1  pass  over  a  variety  of  excellent  theories, 
among  Avhich  are  those  of  Burnet,  and  Wood- 
ward, and  Whitehurst ;  regretting  extremely 
that  my  time  will  not  suffer  me  to  give  them 
the  notice  they  deserve,  —  and  shall  conclude 
with  that  of  the  renoAvned  Dr.  Darwin.  This 
learned  Theban,  Avho  is  as  much  distinguished 
for  rhyme  as  reason,  and  for  good-natured  credu- 
lity as  serious  research,  and  Avho  has  recom- 
mended himself  wonderfully  to  the  good  graces 
of  the  ladies,  by  letting  them  into  all  the  gal- 
lantries, amours,  debaucheries,  and  other  topics 
of  scandal  of  the  court  of  Flora,  has  fallen  upon 
a  theory  worthy  of  his  combustible  imagination. 
According  to  his  opinion,  the  huge  mass  of  chaos 
took  a  sudden  occasion  to  explode,  like  a  barrel 
of  gunpowder,  and  in  that  act  exploded  the  sun, 


58  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

—  which  in  its  flight,  by  a  similar  convulsion, 
exploded  the  earth,  which  in  like  guise  exploded 
the  moon,  —  and  thus  by  a  concatenation  of  ex- 
plosions, the  whole  solar  system  was  produced, 
and  set  most  systematically  in  motion ! * 

By  the  great  variety  of  theories  here  alluded 
to,  every  one  of  which,  if  thoroughly  examined, 
will  be  found  surprisingly  consistent  in  all  its 
parts,  my  unlearned  readers  will  perhaps  be  led 
to  conclude,  that  the  creation  of  a  world  is  not 
so  difficult  a  task  as  they  at  first  imagined.  I 
have  shown  at  least  a  score  of  ingenious  methods 
in  which  a  world  could  be  constructed ;  and  I 
have  no  doubt,  that,  had  any  of  the  philosophers 
above  quoted  the  use  of  a  good  manageable 
comet,  and  the  philosophical  warehouse  chaos  at 
his  command,  he  would  engage  to  manufacture  a 
planet  as  good,  or,  if  you  would  take  his  word 
for  it,  better  than  this  we  inhabit. 

And  here  I  cannot  help  noticing  the  kindness 
of  Providence,  in  creating  comets  for  the  great 
relief  of  bewildered  philosophers.  By  their  as- 
sistance more  sudden  evolutions  and  transitions 
are  effected  in  the  system  of  nature  than  are 
wrought  in  a  pantomimic  exhibition  by  the  won- 
der-working sword  of  Harlequin.  Should  one 
of  our  modern  sages,  in  his  theoretical  flights 
among  the  stars,  ever  find  himself  lost  in  the 
clouds,  and  in  danger  of  tumbling  into  the  abyss 
of  nonsense  and  absurdity,  he  has  but  to  seize 
a  comet  by  the  beard,  mount  astride  of  his  tail, 
and  away  he  gallops  in  triumph,  like  an  en- 
i  Darw.  Bot.  Garden,  Part  I.  Cant.  i.  1.  105. 


»        HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  59 

chanter  on  his  hyppogriff,  or  a  Connecticut  witch 
011  her  broomstick,  "  to  sweep  the  cobwebs  out 
of  the  sky." 

It  is  an  old  and  vulgar  saying  about  a  "  beg- 
gar on  horseback,"  which  I  would  not  for  the 
world  have  applied  to  these  reverend  philoso- 
phers;  but  I  must  confess  that  some  of  them, 
when  they  are  mounted  on  one  of  those  fiery 
steeds,  are  as  wild  in  their  curvetings  as  was 
Phaeton  of  yore,  when  he  aspired  to  manage 
the  chariot  of  Phoebus.  One  drives  his  comet 
at  full  speed  against  the  sun,  and  knocks  the 
world  out  of-  him  with  the  mighty  concussion ; 
another,  more  moderate,  makes  his  comet  a  kind 
of  beast  of  burden,  carrying  the  sun  a  regular 
supply  of  food  and  fagots ;  a  third,  of  more 
combustible  disposition,  threatens  to  throw  his 
comet,  like  a  bomb-shell,  into  the  world,  and 
blow  it  up  like  a  powder-magazine ;  while  a 
fourth,  with  no  great  delicacy  to  this  planet  and 
its  inhabitants,  insinuates  that  some  day  or  other 
his  comet  —  my  modest  pen  blushes  while  I 
write  it  —  shall  absolutely  turn  tail  upon  our 
world,  and  deluge  it  with  water  !  Surely,  as  I 
have  already  observed,  comets  were  bountifully 
provided  by  Providence  for  the  benefit  of  philos- 
ophers, to  assist  them  in  manufacturing  theories. 

And  now,  having  adduced  several  of  the  most 
prominent  theories  that  occur  to  my  recollection, 
I  leave  my  judicious  readers  at  full  liberty  to 
choose  among  them.  They  are  all  serious  spec- 
ulations of  learned  men,  —  all  differ  essentially 
from  each  other,  —  and  all  have  the  same  title  to 


60  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.     .  •» 

belief.  It  has  ever  been  the  task  of  one  race  of 
philosophers  to  demolish  the  works  of  their  pre- 
decessors, and  elevate  more  splendid  fantasies  in 
their  stead,  which  in  their  turn  are  demolished 
and  replaced  by  the  air-castles  of  a  succeeding 
generation.  Thus  it  would  seem  that  knowledge 
and  genius,  of  which  we  make  such  great  parade, 
consist  but  in  detecting  the  errors  and  absurdities 
of  those  who  have  gone  before,  and  devising  new 
errors  and  absurdities,  to  be  detected  by  those 
who  are  to  come  after  us.  Theories  are  the 
mighty  soap-bubbles  with  which  the  grown  -  up 
children  of  science  amuse  themselves,  —  while 
the  honest  vulgar  stand  gazing  in  stupid  admi- 
ration, and  dignify  these  learned  vagaries  with 
the  name  of  wisdom !  Surely,  Socrates  was 
right  in  his  opinion,  that  philosophers  are  but 
a  soberer  sort  of  madmen,  busying  themselves 
in  things  totally  incomprehensible,  or  wliich,  if 
they  could  be  comprehended,  would  be  found  not 
worthy  the  trouble  of  discovery. 

For  my  own  part,  until  the  learned  have  come 
to  an  agreement  among  themselves,  I  shall  con- 
tent myself  with  the  account  handed  down  to  us 
by  Moses ;  in  which  I  do  but  follow  the  example 
of  our  ingenious  neighbors  of  Connecticut;  who 
at  their  first  settlement  proclaimed,  that  the  col- 
ony should  be  governed  by  the  laws  of  God  — 
until  they  had  time  to  make  better. 

One  thing,  however,  appears  certain,  —  from 
the  unanimous  authority  of  the  before-quoted 
philosophers,  supported  by  the  evidence  of  our 
own  senses,  (which,  though  very  apt  to  deceive 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  61 

us,  may  be  cautiously  admitted  as  additional  tes- 
timony,) —  it  appears,  I  sa>j,  and  I  make  the  asser- 
tion deliberately,  without  fear  of  contradiction, 
that  this  globe  really  was  created,  and  that  it  is 
composed  of  land  and  water.  It  farther  appears 
that  it  is  curiously  divided  and  parcelled  out  into 
continents  and  islands,  among  which  I  boldly 
declare  the  renowned  ISLAND  OF  NEW  YORK 
will  be  found  by  any  one  who  seeks  for  it  in  its 
proper  place. 


62  BIST  OR  Y   OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER  m. 

HOW  THAT  FAMOUS  NAVIGATOR,  NOAH,  WAS  SHAMEFULLY  NICKNAMED  J 
AND  HOW  HE  COMMITTED  AN  UNPARDONABLE  OVERSIGHT  IN  NOT 
HAVING  FOUR  SONS  ;  WITH  THE  GREAT  TROUBLE  OF  PHILOSOPHERS 
CAUSED  THEREBY,  AND  THE  DISCOVERY  OF  AMERICA. 

iOAH,  who  is  the  first  seafaring  man  we 
read  of,  begat  three  sons :  Shem,  Ham, 
and  Japhet.  Authors,  it  is  true,  are 
not  wanting,  who  affirm  that  the  patriarch  had  a 
number  of  other  children.  Thus,  Berosus  makes 
him  father  of  the  gigantic  Titans ;  Methodius 
gives  him  a  son  called  Jonithus,  or  Jonicus ; 
and  others  have  mentioned  a  son,  named  Thu- 
iscon,  from  whom  descended  the  Teutons  or 
Teutonic,  or  in  other  words,  the  Dutch  nation. 
I  regret  exceedingly  that  the  nature  of  my 
plan  will  not  permit  me  to  gratify  the  laudable 
curiosity  of  my  readers,  by  investigating  mi- 
nutely the  history  of  the  great  Noah.  Indeed, 
such  an  undertaking  would  be  attended  with 
more  trouble  than  many  people  would  imagine ; 
for  the  good  old  patriarch  seems  to  have  been 
a  great  traveller  in  his  day,  and  to  have  passed 
under  a  different  name  in  every  country  that  he 
visited.  The  Chaldeans,  for  instance,  give  us 
liis  story,  merely  altering  his  name  into  Xisu- 
thrus,  —  a  trivial  alteration,  which,  to  an  his  to- 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  63 

rian,  skilled  in  etymologies,  will  appear  wholly 
unimportant.  It  appears,  likewise,  that  he  had 
exchanged  his  tarpaulin  and  quadrant  among  the 
Chaldeans  for  the  gorgeous  insignia  of  royalty, 
and  appears  as  a  monarch  in  their  annals.  The 
Egyptians  celebrate  him  under  the  name  of 
Osiris ;  the  Indians  as  Menu ;  the  Greek  and 
Roman  writers  confound  him  with  Ogyges,  and 
the  Thehan  with  Deucalion  and  Saturn.  But 
the  Chinese,  who  deservedly  rank  among  the 
most  extensive  and  authentic  historians,  inas- 
much as  they  have  known  the  world  much  lon- 
ger than  any  one  else,  declare  that  Noah  was  no 
other  than  Fohi ;  and  what  gives  this  assertion 
some  air  of  credibility  is,  that  it  is  a  fact,  admit- 
ted by  the  most  enlightened  literati,  that  Noah 
travelled  into  China,  at  the  time  of  the  building 
of  the  tower  of  Babel  (probably  to  improve  him- 
self in  the  study  of  languages),  and  the  learned 
Dr.  Shackford  gives  us  the  additional  information, 
that  the  ark  rested  on  a  mountain  on  the  frontiers 
of  China. 

From  this  mass  of  rational  conjectures  and 
sage  hypotheses,  many  satisfactory  deductions 
might  be  drawn ;  but  I  shall  content  myself  with 
the  simple  fact  stated  in  the  Bible,  viz :  that 
Noah  begat  three  sons,  Shem,  Ham,  and  Japhet. 
It  is  astonishing  on  what  remote  and  obscure  con- 
tingencies the  great  affairs  of  this  world  depend, 
and  how  events  the  most  distant,  and  to  the  com- 
mon observer  unconnected,  are  inevitably  conse- 
quent the  one  to  the  other.  It  remains  to  the 
philosopher  to  discover  these  mysterious  affinities, 


64  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

and  it  is  the  proudest  triumph  of  his  skill,  to 
detect  and  drag  forth  some  latent  chain  of  causa- 
tion which  at  first  sight  appears  a  paradox  to  the 
inexperienced  observer.  Thus  many  of  my  read- 
ers will  doubtless  wonder  what  connection  the 
family  of  Noah  can  possibly  have  with  this  his- 
tory,—  and  many  will  stare  when  informed,  that 
the  whole  history  of  this  quarter  of  the  world  has 
taken  its  character  and  course  from  the  simple 
circumstance  of  the  patriarch's  having  but  three 
sons.  But  to  explain  : 

Noah,  we  are  told  by  sundry  very  credible 
liistorians,  becoming  sole  surviving  heir  and  pro- 
prietor of  the  earth,  in  fee-simple,  after  the  del- 
uge, like  a  good  father,  portioned  out  his  estate 
among  his  children.  To  Shem  he  gave  Asia ;  to 
Ham,  Africa ;  and  to  Japhet,  Europe.  Now  it 
is  a  thousand  times  to  be  lamented  that  he  had 
but  three  sons,  for  had  there  been  a  fourth,  he 
would  doubtless  have  inherited  America  ;  which, 
of  course,  would  have  been  dragged  forth  from 
its  obscurity  on  the  occasion ;  and  thus  many  a 
hard-working  historian  and  philosopher  would 
have  been  spared  a  prodigious  mass  of  weary 
conjecture  respecting  the  first  discovery  and  popu- 
lation of  this  country.  Noah,  however,  having 
provided  for  his  three  sons,  looked  in  all  prob- 
ability upon  our  country  as  a  mere  wild  unset- 
tled land,  and  said  nothing  about  it ;  and  fo  this 
unpardonable  taciturnity  of  the  patriarch  may 
we  ascribe  the  misfortune  that  America  did 
not  come  into  the  world  as  early  as  the  other 
quarters  of  the  globe. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  65 

It  is  true,  some  writers  have  vindicated  him 
from  this  misconduct  towards  posterity,  and  as- 
serted that  he  really  did  discover  America.  Thus 
it  was  the  opinion  of  Mark  Lescarbot,  a  French 
writer,  possessed  of  that  ponderosity  of  thought, 
and  profoundness  of  reflection,  so  peculiar  to  his 
nation,  that  the  immediate  descendants  of  Noah 
peopled  this  quarter  of  the  globe,  and  that  the 
old  patriarch  himself,  who  still  retained  a  passion 
for  the  seafaring  life,  superintended  the  trans- 
migration. The  pious  and  enlightened  father, 
Charlevoix,  a  French  Jesuit,  remarkable  for  his 
aversion  to  the  marvellous,  common  to  all  great 
travellers,  is  conclusively  of  the  same  opinion ; 
nay,  he  goes  still  farther,  and  decides  upon  the 
manner  in  which  the  discovery  was  effected, 
which  was  by  sea,  and  under  the  immediate  direc- 
tion of  the  great  Noah.  "  I  have  already  ob- 
served," exclaims  the  good  father,  in  a  tone  of 
becoming  indignation,  "that  it  is  an  arbitrary 
supposition  that  the  grandchildren  of  Noah  were 
not  able  to  penetrate  into  the  new  world,  or  that 
they  never  thought  of  it.  In  effect,  I  can  see  no 
reason  that  can  justify  such  a  notion.  Who  can 
seriously  believe  that  Noah  and  his  immediate 
descendants  knew  less  than  we  do,  and  that  the 
builder  and  pilot  of  the  greatest  ship  that  ever 
Avas,  —  a  ship  which  was  formed  to  traverse  an 
unbounded  ocean,  and  had  so  many  shoals  and 
quicksands  to  guard  against,  —  should  be  ignorant 
of,  or  should  not  have  communicated  to  his  de- 
scendants the  art  of  sailing  on  the  ocean  ? " 
Therefore,  they  did  sail  on  the  ocean  ;  therefore, 


66  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

they  sailed  to  America ;  therefore,  America  was 
discovered  by  Noah ! 

Now  all  this  exquisite  chain  of  reasoning, 
which  'is  so  strikingly  characteristic  of  the  good 
father,  being  addressed  to  the  faith,  rather  than 
the  understanding,  is  flatly  opposed  by  Hans  de 
Laet,  who  declares  it  a  real  and  most  ridiculous 
paradox  to  suppose  that  Noah  ever  entertained 
the  thought  of  discovering  America ;  and  as 
Hans  is  a  Dutch  writer,  I  am  inclined  to  believe 
he  must  have  been  much  better  acquainted  with 
the  worthy  crew  of  the  ark  than  his  competitors, 
and  of  course  possessed  of  more  accurate  sources 
of  information.  It  is  astonishing  how  intimate 
historians  do  daily  become  with  the  patriarchs 
and  other  great  men  of  antiquity.  As  intimacy 
improves  with  time,  and  as  the  learned  are  par- 
ticularly inquisitive  and  familiar  in  their  ac- 
quaintance with  the  ancients,  I  should  not  be  sur- 
prised if  some  future  writers  should  gravely  give 
us  a  picture  of  men  and  manners  as  they  existed 
before  the  flood,  far  more  copious  and  accurate 
than  the  Bible ;  and  that,  in  the  course  of  an- 
other century,  the  log-book  of  the  good  Noah 
should  be  as  current  among  historians  as  the 
voyages  of  Captain  Cook,  or  the  renowned  history 
of  Robinson  Crusoe. 

I  shall  not  occupy  my  time  by  discussing  the 
huge  mass  of  additional  suppositions,'  conjectures, 
and  probabilities  respecting  the  first  discovery  of 
this  country,  with  which  unhappy  historians  over- 
load themselves,  in  their  endeavors  to  satisfy  the 
doubts  of  an  incredulous  world.  It  is  painful  to 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  G7 

see  these  laborious  wights  panting,  and  toiling, 
and  sweating,  under  an  enormous  burden,  at  the 
very  outset  of  their  works,  which,  on  being 
opened,  turns  out  to  be  nothing  but  a  mighty 
bundle  of  straw.  As,  however,  by  unwearied 
assiduity,  they  seem  to  have  established  the  fact, 
to  the  satisfaction  of  all  the  world,  that  this 
country  has  been  discovered,  I  shall  avail  myself 
of  their  useful  labors  to  be  extremely  brief  upon 
this  point. 

I  shall  not,  therefore,  stop  to  inquire,  whether 
America  was  first  discovered  by  a  wandering 
vessel  of  that  celebrated  Phoenician  fleet,  which, 
according  to  Herodotus,  circumnavigated  Africa ; 
or  by  that  Carthaginian  expedition,  which  Pliny, 
the  naturalist,  informs  us,  discovered  the  Canary 
Islands ;  or  whether  it  was  settled  by  a  tempo- 
rary colony  from  Tyre,  as  hinted  by  Aristotle 
and  Seneca.  I  shall  neither  inquire  whether  it 
Avas  first  discovered  by  the  Chinese,  as  Vossius 
with  great  shrewdness  advances ;  nor  by  the 
Norwegians  in  1002,  under  Biorn ;  nor  by  Be- 
hem,  the  German  navigator,  as  Mr.  Otto  has  en- 
deavored to  prove  to  the  savans  of  the  learned 
city  of  Philadelphia. 

Nor  shall  I  investigate  the  more  modern 
claims  of  the  Welsh,  founded  on  the  voyage 
of  Prince  Madoc  in  the  eleventh  century,  who 
having  never  returned,  it  has  since  been  wisely 
concluded  that  he  must  have  gone  to  America, 
and  that  for  a  plain  reason,  —  if  he  did  not  go 
there,  where  else  could  he  have  gone  ?  —  a  ques- 
tion which  most  socratically  shuts  out  all  farther 
dispute. 


68  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Laying  aside,  therefore,  all  the  conjectures 
above  mentioned,  with  a  multitude  of  others, 
equally  satisfactory,  I  shall  take  for  granted  the 
vulgar  opinion,  that  America  was  discovered  on 
the  12th  of  October,  1492,  by  Christoval  Colon, 
a  Genoese,  who  has  been  clumsily  nicknamed 
Columbus,  but  for  what  reason  I  cannot  discern. 
Of  the  voyages  and  adventures  of  this  Colon,  I 
shall  say  nothing,  seeing  that  they  are  already 
sufficiently  known.  Nor  shall  I  undertake  to 
prove  that  this  country  should  have  been  called 
Colonia,  after  his  name,  that  being  notoriously 
self-evident. 

Having  thus  happily  got  my  readers  on  this 
side  of  the  Atlantic,  I  picture  them  to  myself 
all  impatience  to  enter  upon  the  enjoyment  of 
the  land  of  promise,  and  in  full  expectation  that 
I  will  immediately  deliver  it  into  their  possession. 
But  if  I  do  may  I  ever  forfeit  the  reputation  of 
a  regular-bred  historian  !  No  —  no,  —  most  curi- 
ous and  thrice  learned  readers,  (for  thrice  learned 
ye  are  if  ye  have  read  all  that  has  gone  before, 
and  nine  times  learned  shall  ye  be  if  ye  read 
that  which  comes  after,)  we  have  yet  a  world 
of  work  before  us.  Think  you  the  first  discov- 
erers of  this  fair  quarter  of  the  globe  had  noth- 
ing to  do  but  go  on  shore  and  find  a  country 
ready  laid  out  and  cultivated  like  a  garden, 
wherein  they  might  revel  at  their  ease  ?  No 
such  thing:  they  had  forests  to  cut  down,  un- 
derwood to  grub  up,  marshes  to  drain,  and  sav- 
ages to  exterminate. 

In  like  manner,  I  have  sundry  doubts  to  clear 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  69 

away,  questions  to  resolve,  and  paradoxes  to  ex- 
plain, before  I  permit  you  to  range  at  random ; 
but  these  difficulties  once  overcome,  we  shall  be 
enabled  to  jog  on  right  merrily  through  the  rest 
of  our  history.  Thus  my  work  shall,  in  a  man- 
ner, echo  the  nature  of  the  subject,  in  the  same 
manner  as  the  sound  of  poetry  has  been  found 
by  certain  shrewd  critics  to  echo  the  sense,  — 
this  being  an  improvement  in  history  which  I 
claim  the  merit  of  having  invented. 


70  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER    IV. 


SHOWING   THE   GREAT  DIFFICULTY  PHILOSOPHERS   HAVE  HAD  IN  PEOPLING 


E  next  inquiry  at  which  we  arrive  in 
the  regular  course  of  our  history  is  to 
ascertain,  if  possible,  how  this  country 
was  originally  peopled,  —  a  point  fruitful  of  in- 
credible embarrassments ;  for  unless  we  prove 
that  the  Aborigines  did  absolutely  come  from 
somewhere,  it  will  be  immediately  asserted,  in 
this  age  of  skepticism,  that  they  did  not  come 
at  all ;  and  if  they  did  not  come  at  all,  then 
was  this  country  never  populated,  —  a  conclu- 
sion perfectly  agreeable  to  the  rules  of  logic, 
but  wholly  irreconcilable  to  every  feeling  of 
humanity,  inasmuch  as  it  must  syllogistically 
prove  fatal  to  the  innumerable  Aborigines  of 
this  populous  region. 

To  avert  so  dire  a  sophism,  and  to  rescue 
from  logical  annihilation  so  many  millions  of 
fellow-creatures,  how  many  wings  of  geese  have 
been  plundered !  what  oceans  of  ink  have  been 
benevolently  drained!  and  how  many  capacious 
heads  of  learned  historians  have  been  addled, 
and  forever  confounded !  I  pause  with  rever- 
ential awe,  when  I  contemplate  the  ponderous 


HISTORY   Of  NEW  YORK.  71 

tomes,  in  different  languages,  with  which  they 
have  endeavored  to  solve  this  question,  so  im- 
portant to  the  happiness  of  society,  but  so  in- 
volved in  clouds  of  impenetrable  obscurity. 

Historian  after  historian  has  engaged  in  the 
endless  circle  of  .hypothetical  argument,  and 
after  leading  us  a  weary  chase  through  octa- 
vos, quartos,  and  folios,  has  let  us  out  at  the 
end  of  his  work  just  as  wise  as  we  were  at 
the  beginning.  It  was  doubtless  some  philo- 
sophical wild-goose  chase  of  the  kind  that  made 
the  old  poet  Macrobius  rail  in  such  a  passion  at 
curiosity,  which  he  anathematizes  most  heartily 
as  "an  irksome  agonizing  care,  a  superstitious 
industry  about  unprofitable  things,  an  itching 
humor  to  see  what  is  not  to  be  seen,  and  to  be 
doing  what  signifies  nothing  when  it  is  done." 
But  to  proceed. 

Of  the  claims  of  the  children  of  Noah  to  the 
original  population  of  this  country  I  shall  say 
nothing,  as  they  have  already  been  touched  upon 
in  my  last  chapter.  The  claimants  next  in  ce- 
lebrity are  the  descendants  of  Abraham.  Thus, 
Christoval  Colon  (vulgarly  called  Columbus) 
when  he  first  discovered  the  gold  mines  of  His- 
paniola,  immediately  concluded,  with  a  shrewd- 
ness that  would  have  done  honor  to  a  philoso- 
pher, that  he  had  found  the  ancient  Ophir,  from 
whence  Solomon  procured  the  gold  for  embellish- 
ing the  temple  at  Jerusalem ;  nay,  Colon  even 
imagined  that  he  saw  the  remains  of  furnaces  of 
veritable  Hebraic  construction,  employed  in  refin- 
ing the  precious  ore. 


72  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

So  golden  a  conjecture,  tinctured  with  such 
fascinating  extravagance,  was  too  tempting  not 
to  be  immediately  snapped  at  by  the  gudgeons 
of  learning ;  and,  accordingly,  there  were  divers 
profound  writers  ready  to  swear  to  its  correct- 
ness, and  to  bring  in  their  usual  load  of  author- 
ities, and  wise  surmises,  wherewithal  to  prop  it 
up.  Vetablus  and  Robertus  Stephens  declared 
nothing  could  be  more  clear;  Arius  Montanus, 
without  the  least  hesitation,  asserts  that  Mexico 
was  the  true  Ophir,  and  the  Jews  the  early  set- 
tlers of  the  country;  while  Possevin,  Becan, 
and  several  other  sagacious  writers,  lug  in  a 
supposed  prophecy  of  the  fourth  book  of  Esdras, 
Which  being  inserted  in  the  mighty  hypothesis, 
like  the  key-stone  of  an  arch,  gives  it,  in  their 
opinion,  perpetual  durability. 

Scarce,  however,  have  they  completed  their 
goodly  superstructure,  than  in  trudges  a  pha- 
lanx of  opposite  authors,  with  Hans  de  Laet, 
the  great  Dutchman,  at  their  head,  and  at  one 
blow  tumbles  the  whole  fabric  about  their  ears. 
Hans,  in  fact,  contradicts  outright  all  the  Israel- 
itish  claims  to  the  first  settlement  of  this  coun- 
try, attributing  all  those  equivocal  symptoms,  and 
traces  of  Christianity  and  Judaism,  which  have 
been  said  to  be  found  in  divers  provinces  of  the 
new  world,  to  the  Devil,  who  has  always  af- 
fected to  counterfeit  the  worship  of  the  true  Dei- 
ty. "A  remark,"  says  the  knowing  old  Padre 
d'Acosta,  "  made  by  all  good  authors  who  have 
spoken  of  the  religion  of  nations  newly  dis- 
covered, and  founded  besides  on  the  authority 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  73 

of  the  fathers  of  the  church"  Some  writers 
again,  among  whom  it  is  with  much  regret  I 
am  compelled  to  mention  Lopez  de  Gomara, 
and  Juan  de  Leri,  insinuate  that  the  Canaan- 
ites,  being  driven  from  the  land  of  promise  by 
the  Jews,  were  seized  with  such  a  panic  that 
they  fled  without  looking  behind  them,  until 
stopping  to  take  breath,  they  found  themselves 
safe  in  America.  As  they  brought  neither  their 
national  language,  manners,  nor  features  with 
them,  it  is  supposed  they  left  them  behind  in 
the  hurry  of  their  flight ;  —  I  cannot  give  my 
faith  to  this  opinion. 

I  pass  over  the  supposition  of  the  learned 
Grotius,  —  who  being  both  an  ambassador  and  a 
Dutchman  to  boot,  is  entitled  to  great  respect,  — 
that  North  America  was  peopled  by  a  strolling 
company  of  Norwegians,  and  that  Peru  was 
founded  by  a  colony  from  China,  —  Manco,  or 
Mango  Capac,  the  first  Incas,  being  himself  a 
Chinese.  Nor  shall  I  more  than  barely  men- 
tion, that  father  Kircher  ascribes  the  settle- 
ment of  America  to  the  Egyptians,  Rudbeck 
to  the  Scandinavians,  Charron  to  the  Gauls, 
Juifredus  Petri  to  a  skating  party  from  Fries- 
land,  Milius  to  the  Celtas,  Marinocus  the  Sicil- 
ian to  the  Romans,  Le  Compte  to  the  Phreni- 
ciaus,  Postel  to  the  Moors,  Martyn  d'Angleria 
to  the  Abyssinians,  together  with  the  sage  sur- 
mise of  De  Laet,  that  England,  Ireland,  and 
the  Orcades  may  contend  for  that  honor. 

Nor    will    I    bestow   any   more    attention   or 


74  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

credit  to  the  idea  that  America  is  the  fairy 
region  of  Zipangri,  described  by  that  dream- 
ing traveller,  Marco  Polo,  the  Venetian ;  or 
that  it  comprises  the  visionary  island  of  At- 
lantis, described  by  Plato.  Neither  will  I  stop 
to  investigate  the  heathenish  assertion  of  Para- 
celsus, that  each  hemisphere  of  the  globe  was 
originally  furnished  with  an  Adam  and  Eve ; 
or  the  more  flattering  opinion  of  Dr.  Romayne, 
supported  by  many  nameless  authorities,  that 
Adam  was  of  the  Indian  race ;  or  the  start- 
ling conjecture  of  Buffon,  Helvetius,  and  Dar- 
win, so  highly  honorable  to  mankind,  that  the 
whole  human  species  is  accidentally  descended 
from  a  remarkable  family  of  monkeys  ! 

This  last  conjecture,  I  must  own,  came  upon 
me  very  suddenly  and  very  ungraciously.  I 
have  often  beheld  the  clown  in  a  pantomime, 
while  gazing  in  stupid  wonder  at  the  extrav- 
agant gambols  of  a  harlequin,  all  at  once  electri- 
fied by  a  sudden  stroke  of  the  wooden  sword 
across  his  shoulders.  Little  did  I  think,  at  such 
times,  that  it  would  ever  fall  to  my  lot  to  be 
treated  with  equal  discourtesy,  and  that,  while  I 
was  quietly  beholding  these  grave  philosophers, 
emulating  the  eccentric  transformations  of  the 
hero  of  pantomime,  they  would  on  a  sudden 
turn  upon  me  and  my  readers,  and  with  one  hy- 
pothetical flourish  metamorphose  us  into  beasts ! 
I  determined  from  that  moment  not  to  burn  my 
fingers  with  any  more  of  their  theories,  but  con- 
tent myself  with  detailing  the  different  methods 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  75 

by  which  they  transported  the  descendants  of 
these  ancient  and  respectable  monkeys  to  this 
great  field  of  theoretical  warfare. 

This  was  done  either  by  migrations  by  land 
or  transmigrations  by  water.  Thus  Padre  Jo- 
seph d'Acosta  enumerates  three  passages  by  land  : 
first,  by  the  north  of  Europe ;  secondly,  by  the 
north  of  Asia ;  and  thirdly,  by  regions  southward 
of  the  Straits  of  Magellan.  The  learned  Gro- 
tius  marches  his  Norwegians  by  a  pleasant  route 
across  frozen  rivers  and  arms  of  the  sea,  through 
Iceland,  Greenland,  Estotiland,  and  Naremberga; 
and  various  writers,  among  whom  are  Angleria, 
De  Hornn,  and  Buffbn,  anxious  for  the  accom- 
modation of  these  travellers,  have  fastened  the 
two  continents  together  by  a  strong  chain  of 
deductions,  —  by  which  means  they  could  pass 
over  dry-shod.  But  should  even  this  fail,  Pink- 
erton,  that  industrious  old  gentleman,  who  com- 
piles books,  and  manufactures  Geographies,  has 
constructed  a  natural  bridge  of  ice,  from  conti- 
nent to  continent,  at  the  distance  of  four  or  five 
miles  from  Behring's  Straits,  —  for  which  he  is 
entitled  to  the  grateful  thanks  of  all  the  wan- 
dering Aborigines  who  ever  did  or  ever  will  pass 
over  it. 

It  is  an  evil  much  to  be  lamented,  that  none 
of  the  worthy  writers  above  quoted  could  ever 
commence  his  work  without  immediately  de- 
claring hostilities  against  every  writer  who  had 
treated  of  the  same  subject.  In  this  particular, 
authors  may  be  compared  to  a  certain  saga- 
cious bird,  which  in  building  its  nest  is  sure 


76  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

to  pull  to  pieces  the  nests  of  all  the  birds  in 
its  neighborhood.  This  unhappy  propensity  tends 
grievously  to  impede  the  progress  of  sound 
knowledge.  Theories  are  at  best  but  brittle 
productions,  and  when  once  committed  to  the 
stream,  they  should  take  care  that,  like  the  not- 
able pots  which  were  fellow-voyagers,  they  do 
not  crack  each  other. 

My  chief  surprise  is,  that  among  the  many 
writers  I  have  noticed,  no  one  has  attempted 
to  prove  that  this  country  was  peopled  from 
the  moon,  —  or  that  the  first  inhabitants  floated 
hither  on  islands  of  ice,  as  white  bears  cruise 
about  the  northern  oceans,  —  or  that  they  were 
conveyed  hither  by  balloons,  as  modern  aero- 
nauts pass  from  Dover  to  Calais,  —  or  by  witch- 
craft, as  Simon  Magus  posted  among  the  stars, 
—  or  after  the  manner  of  the  renowned  Scyth- 
ian Abaris,  who,  like  the  New  England  witches 
on  full-blooded  broomsticks,  made  most  unheard- 
of  journeys  on  the  back  of  a  golden  arrow,  given 
him  by  the  Hyperborean  Apollo. 

But  there  is  still  one  mode  left  by  which  this 
country  could  have  been  peopled,  which  I  have 
reserved  for  the  last,  because  I  consider  it  worth 
all  the  rest :  it  is  —  by  accident  !  Speaking  of 
the  islands  of  Solomon,  New  Guinea,  and  New 
Holland,  the  profound  father  Charlevoix  observes, 
"  in  fine,  all  these  countries  are  peopled,  and  it  is 
possible  some  have  been  so  by  accident.  Now 
if  it  could  have  happened  in  that  manner,  why 
might  it  not  have  been  at  the  same  time,  and 
by  the  same  means,  with  the  other  parts  of  the 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  77 

irlobe  ?  "  This  ingenious  mode  of  deducing  cer- 
tain conclusions  from  possible  premises  is  an 
improvement  in  syllogistic  skill,  and  proves  the" 
good  father  superior  even  to  Archimedes,  for 
he  can  turn  the  world  without  anything  to  rest 
his  lever  upon.  It  is  only  surpassed  by  the  dex- 
terity with  which  the  sturdy  old  Jesuit,  in  an- 
other place,  cuts  the  gordian  knot :  —  "  Nothing," 
says  he,  "  is  more  easy.  The  inhabitants  of 
both  hemispheres  are  certainly  the  descendants 
of  the  same  father.  The  common  father  of 
mankind  received  an  express  order  from  Heaven 
to  people  the  world,  and  accordingly  it  has  been 
peopled.  To  bring  this  about,  it  was  necessary 
to  overcome  all  difficulties  in  the  way,  and  they 
have  also  been  overcome  !  "  Pious  logician !  HOAV 
does  he  put  all  the  herd  of  laborious  theorists 
to  the  blush,  by  explaining,  in  five  words,  what 
it  has  cost  them  volumes  to  prove  they  knew 
nothing  about ! 

From  all  the  authorities  here  quoted,  and  a 
variety  of  others  which  I  have  consulted,  but 
which  are  omitted  through  fear  of  fatiguing  the 
unlearned  reader,  I  can  only  draw  the  following 
conclusions,  which  luckily,  however,  are  sufficient 
for  my  purpose.  First,  that  this  part  of  the 
world  has  actually  been  peopled,  (Q.  E.  D.)  to 
support  which  we  have  living  proofs  in  the  nu- 
merous tribes  of  Indians  that  inhabit  it.  Sec- 
ondly, that  it  has  been  peopled  in  five  hundred 
different  ways,  as  proved  by  a  cloud  of  authors 
who,  from  the  positiveness  of  their  assertions, 
seem  to  have  been  eye-witnesses  to  the  fact. 


78  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

Thirdly,  that  the  people  of  this  country  had 
a  variety  of  fathers,  which,  as  it  may  not  be 
thought  much  to  their  credit  by  the  common 
run  of  readers,  the  less  we  say  on  the  subject 
the  better.  The  question,  therefore,  I  trust,  is 
forever  at  rest. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  79 


CHAPTER  V. 

*  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  PUTS  A  MIGHTY  QUESTION  TO  THE  IIOUT,  BY 
THE  ASSISTANCE  OF  THE  MAN  IN  THE  MOON,  —  WHICH  NOT  ONLY  DE- 
LIVERS THOUSANDS  OF  PEOPLE  FROM  GREAT  EMBARRASSMENT,  HOT 
LIKEWISE  CONCLUDES  THIS  INTRODUCTORY  BOOK. 

'HE  writer  of  a  history  may,  in  some 
respects,  be  likened  unto  an  adventu- 
rous knight,  who,  having  undertaken  a 
perilous  enterprise  by  way  of  establishing  his 
fame,  feels  bound,  in  honor  and  chivalry,  to  turn 
back  for  no  difficulty  nor  hardship,  and  never  to 
shrink  or  quail,  whatever  enemy  he  may  encoun- 
ter. Under  this  impression,  I  resolutely  draw 
my  pen,  and  fall  to,  with  might  and  main,  at 
those  doughty  questions  and  subtle  paradoxes, 
which,  like  fiery  dragons  and  bloody  giants,  beset 
the  entrance  to  my  history,  and  Avould  fain  re- 
pulse me  from  the  very  threshold.  And  at  this 
moment  a  gigantic  question  has  started  up,  which 
I  must  needs  take  by  the  beard  and  utterly  sub- 
due, before  I  can  advance  another  step  in  my  his- 
toric undertaking ;  but  I  trust  this  will  be  the 
last  adversary  I  shall  have  to  contend  with,  and 
that  in  the  next  book  I  shall  be  enabled  to  con- 
duct my  readers  in  triumph  into  the  body  of  my 
work. 

The  question  which  has  thus  suddenly  arisen, 


80  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

is,  What  right  had  the  first  discoverers  of  America 
to  land  and  take  possession  of  a  country,  with- 
out first  gaining  the  consent  of  its  inhabitants,  or 
yielding  them  an  adequate  compensation  for  their 
territory  ?  —  a  question  which  has  withstood 
many  fierce  assaults,  and  has  given  much  dis- 
tress of  mind  to  multitudes  of  kind-hearted  folk. 
And  indeed,  until  it  be  totally  vanquished,  and 
put  to  rest,  the  worthy  people  of  America  can  by 
no  means  enjoy,  the  soil  they  inhabit,  with  clear 
right  and  title,  and  quiet,  unsullied  consciences. 

The  first  source  of  right,  by  which  property 
is  acquired  in  a  country,  is  DISCOVERY.  For  as 
all  mankind  have  an  equal  right  to  anything 
which  has  never  before  been  appropriated,  so  any 
nation  that  discovers  an  uninhabited  country,  and 
takes  possession  thereof,  is  considered  as  enjoying 
full  property,  and  absolute,  unquestionable  empire 
therein.1 

This  proposition  being  admitted,  it  follows 
clearly,  that  the  Europeans  who  first  visited 
America  were  the  real  discoverers  of  the  same ; 
nothing  being  necessary  to  the  establishment  of 
this  fact,  but  simply  to  prove  that  it  was  totally 
uninhabited  by  man.  This  would  at  first  appear 
to  be  a  point  of  some  difficulty,  for  it  is  well 
known,  that  this  quarter  of  the  world  abounded 
with  certain  animals,  that  walked  erect  on  two 
feet,  had  something  of  the  human  countenance, 
uttered  certain  unintelligible  sounds,  very  much 
like  language ;  in  short,  had  a  marvellous  resem- 
blance to  human  beings.  But  the  zealous  and 

*  Grotius.    Puffendorff,  b.  v.  c.  4.     Vattel,  b.  i.  c.  18,  &c. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  81 

enlightened  fathers,  who  accompanied  the  discov- 
erers, for  the  purpose  of  promoting  the  kingdom 
of  heaven  by  establishing  fat  monasteries  and 
bishoprics  on  earth,  soon  cleared  up  this  point, 
greatly  to  the  satisfaction  of  his  holiness  the  pope, 
and  of  all  Christian  voyagers  and  discoverers. 

They  plainly  proved,  and  as  there  were  no  In- 
dian writers  arose  on  the  other  side,  the  fact  was 
considered  as  fully  admitted  and  established,  that 
the  two-legged  race  of  animals  before  mentioned 
were  mere  cannibals,  detestable  monsters,  and 
many  of  them  giants,  —  which  last  description  of 
vagrants  have,  since  the  times  of  Gog,  Magog, 
and  Goliath,  been  considered  as  outlaws,  and  have 
received  no  quarter  in  either  history,  chivalry,  or 
song.  Indeed,  even  the  philosophic  Bacon  de- 
clared the  Americans  to  be  people  proscribed  by 
the  laws  of  nature,  inasmuch  as  they  had  a  bar- 
barous custom  of  sacrificing  men,  and  feeding 
upon  man's  flesh. 

Nor  are  these  all  the  proofs  of  their  utter  bar- 
barism :  among  many  other  writers  of  discern- 
ment, Ulloa  tells  us  "  their  imbecility  is  so  visible, 
that  one  can  hardly  form  an  idea  of  them  differ- 
ent from  what  one  has  of  the  brutes.  Nothing 
disturbs  the  tranquillity  of  their  souls,  equally 
insensible  to  disasters  and  to  prosperity.  Though 
half  naked,  they  are  as  contented  as  a  monarch 
in  his  most  splendid  array.  Fear  makes  no  im- 
pression on  them,  and  respect  as  little."  All  this 
is  furthermore  supported  by  the  authority  of  M. 
Bouguer.  "  It  is  not  easy,"  says  he,  "  to  describe 
the  degree  of  their  indifference  for  wealth  and  all 


82  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

its  advantages.  One  does  not  well  know  what 
motives  to  propose  to  them  when  one  would  per- 
suade them  to  any  service.  It  is  vain  to  offer 
them  money  ;  they  answer  they  are  not  hungry." 
And  Vanegas  confirms  the  whole,  assuring  us 
that  "  ambition  they  have  none,  and  are  more  de- 
sirous of  being  thought  strong  than  valiant.  The 
objects  of  ambition  with  us  —  honor,  fame,  reputa- 
tion, riches,  posts,  and  distinctions  —  are  unknown 
among  them.  So  that  this  powerful  spring  of 
action,  the  cause  of  so  much  seeming  good  and 
real  evil  in  the  world,  has  no  power  over  them. 
In  a  word,  these  unhappy  mortals  may  be  com- 
pared to  children  in  whom  the  development  of 
reason  is  not  completed." 

Now  all  these  peculiarities,  although  in  the 
most  unenlightened  states  of  Greece  they  would 
have  entitled  their  possessors  to  immortal  honor, 
as  having  reduced  to  practice  those  rigid  and 
abstemious  maxims,  the  mere  talking  about 
which  acquired  certain  old  Greeks  the  reputa- 
tion of  sages  and  philosophers,  —  yet,  Avere 
they  clearly  proved  in  the  present  instance  to 
betoken  a  most  abject  and  brutified  nature, 
totally  beneath  the  human  character.  But  the 
benevolent  fathers,  who  had  undertaken  to  turn 
these  unhappy  savages  into  dumb  beasts,  by  dint 
of  argument,  advanced  still  stronger  proofs  ;  for, 
as  certain  divines  of  the  sixteenth  century, 
and  among  the  rest  Lullus,  affirm,  —  the  Ameri- 
cans go  naked,  and  have  no  beards !  "  They 
have  nothing,"  says  Lullus,  "of  the  reasonable 
animal,  except  the  mask."  And  even  that  mask 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  83 

was  allowed  to  avail  them  but  little,  for  it  was 
soon  found  that  they  were  of  a  hideous  copper 
complexion :  and  being  of  a  copper  complexion, 
it  was  all  the  same  as  if  they  were  negroes :  and 
negroes  are  black,  —  "  and  black,"  said  the  pious 
fathers,  devoutly  crossing  themselves,  ''  is  the 
color  of  the  Devil ! "  Therefore,  so  far  from 
being  able  to  own  property,  they  had  no  right 
even  to  personal  freedom ;  for  liberty  is  too  radi- 
ant a  deity  to  inhabit  such  gloomy  temples.  All 
which  circumstances  plainly  convinced  the  right- 
eous followers  of  Cortes  and  Pizarro,  that  these 
miscreants  had  no  title  to  the  soil  that  they  in- 
fested, —  that  they  were  a  perverse,  illiterate, 
dumb,  beardless,  black-seed,  —  mere  wild  beasts 
of  the  forests,  and  like  them  should  either  be 
subdued  or  exterminated. 

From  the  foregoing  arguments,  therefore,  and 
a  variety  of  others  equally  conclusive,  which  I 
forbear  to  enumerate,  it  is  clearly  evident  that 
this  fair  quarter  of  the  globe,  when  first  visited 
by  Europeans,  was  a  howling  wilderness,  inhab- 
ited by  nothing  but  wild  beasts ;  and  that  the 
transatlantic  visitors  acquired  an  incontrovertible 
property  therein  by  the  right  of  discovery. 

This  right  being  fully  established,  we  now 
come  to  the  next,  which  is  the  right  acquired  by 
cultivation.  "  The  cultivation  of  the  soil,"  we 
are  told,  "is  an  obligation  imposed  by  nature 
on  mankind.  The  whole  world  is  appointed  for 
the  nourishment  of  its  inhabitants  ;  but  it  would 
be  incapable  of  doing  it,  was  it  uncultivated. 
Every  nation  is  then  obliged  by  the  law  of  na- 


84  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

ture  to  cultivate  the  ground  that  has  fallen  to  its 
share.  Those  people,  like  the  ancient  Germans 
and  modern  Tartars,  who,  having  fertile  coun- 
tries, disdain  to  cultivate  the  earth,  and  choose  to 
live  by  rapine,  are  wanting  to  themselves,  and 
deserve  to  be  exterminated  as  savage  and  perni- 
cious beasts"'*- 

Now  it  is  notorious  that  the  savages  knew 
nothing  of  agriculture,  when  first  discovered  by 
the  Europeans,  but  lived  a  most  vagabond,  disor- 
derly, unrighteous  life,  —  rambling  from  place  to 
place,  and  prodigally  rioting  upon  the  sponta- 
neous luxuries  of  nature,  without  tasking  her 
generosity  to  yield  them  anything  more  ;  whereas 
it  has  been  most  unquestionably  shown,  that 
Heaven  intended  the  earth  should  be  ploughed 
and  sown,  and  manured,  and  laid  out  into  cities, 
and  towns,  and  farms,  and  country  -  seats,  and 
pleasure-grounds,  and  public  gardens ;  all  which 
the  Indians  knew  nothing  about :  therefore,  they 
did  not  improve  the  talents  Providence  had  be- 
stowed on  them :  therefore,  they  were  careless 
stewards  :  therefore,  they  had  no  right  to  the 
soil:  therefore,  they  deserved  to  be  extermi- 
nated. 

It  is  true,  the  savages  might  plead  that  they 
drew  all  the  benefits  from  the  land  which  their 
simple  wants  required,  —  they  found  plenty  of 
game  to  hunt,  which,  together  with  the  roots  and 
uncultivated  fruits  of  the  earth,  furnished  a  suffi- 
cient variety  for  their  frugal  repasts,  —  and  that, 
as  Heaven  merely  designed  the  earth  to  form 
i  Vattel,  b.  i.  ch.  17. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  85 

the  abode,  and  satisfy  the  wants  of  man,  so 
long  as  those  purposes  were  answered,  the  will 
of  Heaven  was  accomplished.  But  this  only 
proves  how  undeserving  they  were  of  the  bless- 
ings around  them  :  they  were  so  much  the  more 
savages,  for  not  having  more  wants  ;  for  knowl- 
edge is  in  some  degree  an  increase  of  desires  ;  and 
it  is  this  superiority  both  in  the  number  and  mag- 
nitude of  his  desires,  that  distinguishes  the  man 
from  the  beast.  Therefore  the  Indians,  in  not 
having  more  wants,  were  very  unreasonable  ani- 
mals ;  and  it  was  but  just  that  they  should  make 
way  for  the  Europeans,  who  had  a  thousand 
wants  to  their  one,  and,  therefore,  would  turn  the 
earth  to  more  account,  and  by  cultivating  it,  more 
truly  fulfil  the  will  of  Heaven.  Besides  —  Gro- 
tius,  and  Lauterbach,  and  Puffendorff,  and  Titius, 
and  many  wise  men  beside,  who  have  considered 
the  matter  properly,  have  determined  that  the 
property  of  a  country  cannot  be  acquired  by 
hunting,  cutting  wood,  or  drawing  water  in  it  — • 
nothing  but  precise  demarcation  of  limits,  and  the 
intention  of  cultivation,  can  establish  the  posses- 
sion. Now,  as  the  savages  (probably  from  never 
having  read  the  authors  above  quoted)  had  never 
complied  with  any  of  these  necessary  forms,  it 
plainly  follows  that  they  had  no  right  to  the  soil, 
but  that  it  was  completely  at  the  disposal  of  the 
first  comers,  who  had  more  knowledge,  more 
wants,  and  more  elegant,  that  is  to  say  artificial 
desires  than  themselves. 

In  entering  upon  a  newly  discovered,  unculti- 
vated  country,  therefore,  the  new  comers   were 


86  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

but  taking  possession  of  what,  according  to  the 
aforesaid  doctrine,  was  their  own  property;  — 
therefore,  in  opposing  them,  the  savages  were 
invading  their  just  rights,  infringing  the  immu- 
table laws  of  nature,  and  counteracting  the  will 
of  heaven :  therefore,  they  were  guilty  of  impi- 
ety, burglary,  and  trespass  on  the  case :  there- 
fore, they  were  hardened  offenders  against  God 
and  man:  therefore,  they  ought  to  be  exter- 
minated. 

But  a  more  irresistible  right  than  either  that 
I  have  mentioned,  and  one  which  will  be  the 
most  readily  admitted  by  my  reader,  provided  he 
be  blessed  with  bowels  of  charity  and  philan- 
thropy, is  the  right  acquired  by  civilization.  All 
the  world  knows  the  lamentable  state  in  which 
these  poor  savages  were  found.  Not  only  de- 
ficient in  the  comforts  of  life,  but  what  is  still 
worse,  most  piteously  and  unfortunately  blind  to 
the  miseries  of  their  situation.  But  no  sooner 
did  the  benevolent  inhabitants  of  Europe  behold 
their  sad  condition,  than  they  immediately  went 
to  work  to  ameliorate  and  improve  it.  They  in- 
troduced among  them  rum,  gin,  brandy,  and 
the  other  comforts  of  life,  —  and  it  is  astonishing 
to  read  how  soon  the  poor  savages  learned  to 
estimate  those  blessings ;  they  likewise  made 
known  to  them  a  thousand  remedies,  by  which 
the  most  inveterate  diseases  are  alleviated  and 
healed ;  and  that  they  might  comprehend  the 
benefits  and  enjoy  the  comforts  of  these  medi- 
cines, they  previously  introduced  among  them 
the  diseases  which  they  were  calculated  to  cure. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  87 

By  these  and  a  variety  of  other  methods  was 
the  condition  of  these  poor  savages  wonderfully 
improved  ;  they  acquired  a  thousand  wants,  of 
which  they  had  before  been  ignorant ;  and  as  he 
has  most  sources  of  happiness  who  has  most 
wants  to  be  gratified,  they  were  doubtlessly  ren- 
dered a  much  happier  race  of  beings. 

But  the  most  important  branch  of  civilization, 
by  and  which  has  most  strenuously  been  extolled 
the  zealous  and  pioTis  fathers  of  the  Romish 
Church,  is  the  introduction  of  the  Christian  faith. 
It  was  truly  a  sight  that  might  well  inspire  hor- 
ror, to  behold  these  savages  tumbling  among  the 
dark  mountains  of  paganism,  and  guilty  of  the 
most  horrible  ignorance  of  religion.  It  is  true, 
they  neither  stole  nor  defrauded  ;  they  were  so- 
ber, frugal,  continent,  and  faithful  to  their  word ; 
but  though  they  acted  right  habitually,  it  was  all 
in  vain,  unless  they  acted  so  from  precept.  The 
new  comers,  therefore,  used  every  method  to 
induce  them  to  embrace  and  practise  the  true 
religion,  —  except  indeed  that  of  setting  them  the 
example. 

But  notwithstanding  all  these  complicated 
labors  for  their  good,  such  was  the  unparalleled 
obstinacy  of  these  stubborn  wretches,  that  they 
ungratefully  refused  to  acknowledge  the  strangers 
as  their  benefactors,  and  persisted  in  disbelieving 
the  doctrines  they  endeavored  to  inculcate ;  most 
insolently  alleging,  that,  from  their  conduct,  the 
advocates  of  Christianity  did  not  seem  to  believe 
in  it  themselves.  Was  not  this  too  much  for 
human  patience  ?  —  would  not  one  suppose  that 


88  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  benign  visitants  from  Europe,  provoked  at 
their  incredulity,  and  discouraged  by  their  stiff- 
necked  obstinacy,  would  forever  have  abandoned 
their  shores,  and  consigned  them  to  their  origi- 
nal ignorance  and  misery  ?  But  no  :  so  zealous 
were  they  to  effect  the  temporal  comfort  and  eter- 
nal salvation  of  these  pagan  infidels,  that  they 
even  proceeded  from  the  milder  means  of  persua- 
sion to  the  more  painful  and  troublesome  one  of 
persecution,  —  let  loose  among  them  whole  troops 
of  fiery  monks  and  furious  bloodhounds,  —  purified 
them  by  fire  and  sword,  by  stake  and  fagot ;  in 
consequence  of  which  indefatigable  measures  the 
cause  of  Christian  love  and  charity  was  so  rapidly 
advanced,  that  in  a  few  years  not  one  fifth  of  the 
number  of  unbelievers  existed  in  South  America 
that  were  found  there  at  the  time  of  its  discovery. 
What  stronger  right  need  the  European  set- 
tlers advance  to  the  country  than  this  ?  Have 
not  whole  nations  of  uninformed  savages  been 
made  acquainted  with  a  thousand  •  imperious 
wants  and  indispensable  comforts,  of  which  they 
were  before  wholly  ignorant  ?  Have  they  not 
been  literally  hunted  and  smoked  out  of  the  dens 
and  lurking-places  of  ignorance  and  infidelity, 
and  absolutely  scourged  into  the  right  path  ? 
Have  not  the  temporal  things,  the  vain  baubles 
and  filthy  lucre  of  this  world,  which  were  too  apt 
to  engage  their  worldly  and  selfish  thoughts,  been 
benevolently  taken  from  them;  and  have  they 
not,  instead  thereof,  been  taught  to  set  their 
affections  on  things  above  ?  And,  finally,  to 
use  the  words  of  a  reverend  Spanish  father,  in  a 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  89 

letter  to  his  superior  in  Spain,  "  Can  any  one 
have  the  presumption  to  say  that  these  savage 
Pagans  have  yielded  anything  more  than  an 
inconsiderable  recompense  to  their  benefactors, 
in  surrendering  to  them  a  little  pitiful  tract  of 
this  dirty  sublunary  planet  in  exchange  for  a 
glorious  inheritance  in  the  kingdom  of  heaven  ?  " 
Here,  then,  are  three  complete  and  undeniable 
sources  of  right  established,  any  one  of  which 
was  more  than  ample  to  establish  a  property  in 
the  newly-discovered  regions  of  America.  Now, 
so  it  lias  happened  in  certain  parts  of  this  de- 
lightful quarter  of  the  globe,  that  the  right  of 
discovery  has  been  so  strenuously  asserted,  the 
influence  of  cultivation  so  industriously  extended, 
and  the  progress  of  salvation  and  civilization  so 
zealously  prosecuted,  that,  what  with  their  attend- 
ant wars,  persecutions,  oppressions,  diseases,  and 
other  partial  evils  that  often  hang  on  the  skirts 
of  great  benefits,  the  savage  aborigines  have, 
somehow  or  another,  been  utterly  annihilated  ;  — 
and  this  all  at  once  brings  me  to  a  fourth  right, 
which  is  worth  all  the  others  put  together. 
For  the  original  claimants  to  the  soil  being  all 
dead  and  buried,  and  no  one  remaining  to  inherit 
or  dispute  the  soil,  the  Spaniards,  as  the  next 
immediate  occupants,  entered  upon  the  possession 
as  clearly  as  the  hangman  succeeds  to  the  clothes 
of  the  malefactor ;  and  as  they  have  Blackstone,1 
and  all  the  learned  expounders  of  the  law  on 
their  side,  they  may  set  all  actions  of  ejectment 
at  defiance  ;  —  and  this  last  right  may  be  entitled 
i  Bl.  Com.  b.  ii.  c.  1. 


90  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  RIGHT  BY  EXTERMINATION,  or,  in  other  words, 

the  RIGHT  BY  GUNPOWDER. 

But  lest  any  scruples  of  conscience  should 
remain  on  this  head,  and  to  settle  the  question  of 
right  forever,  his  holiness  Pope  Alexander  VI. 
issued  a  bull,  by  which  he  generously  granted  the 
newly-discovered  quarter  of  the  globe  to  the 
Spaniards  and  Portuguese ;  who,  thus  having 
law  and  gospel  on  their  side,  and  being  inflamed 
with  great  spiritual  zeal,  showed  the  Pagan  sav- 
ages neither  favor  nor  affection,  but  prosecuted 
the  work  of  discovery,  colonization,  civilization, 
and  extermination  with  ten  times  more  fury  than 
ever. 

Thus  were  the  European  worthies  who  first 
discovered  America  clearly  entitled  to  the  soil ; 
and  not  only  entitled  to  the  soil,  but  likewise  to 
the  eternal  thanks  of  these  infidel  savages,  for 
having  come  so  far,  endured  so  many  perils  by 
sea  and  land,  and  taken  such  unwearied  pains, 
for  no  other  purpose  but  to  improve  their  forlorn, 
uncivilized,  and  heathenish  condition,  —  for  hav- 
ing made  them  acquainted  witli  the  comforts  of 
life,  —  for  having  introduced  among  them  the 
light  of  religion,  —  and,  finally,  for  having  hurried 
them  out  of  the  world,  to  enjoy  its  reward ! 

But  as  argument  is  never  so  well  understood 
by  us  selfish  mortals  as  when  it  comes  home  to 
ourselves,  and  as  I  am  particularly  anxious  that 
this  question  should  be  put  to  rest  forever,  I  will 
suppose  a  parallel  case,  by  way  of  arousing  the 
candid  attention  of  my  readers. 

Let  us  suppose,  then,  that  the  inhabitants  of 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  91 

the  moon,  by  astonishing  advancement  in  science, 
and  by  profound  insight  into  that  lunar  philoso- 
phy, the  mere  nickerings  of  which  have  of  late 
years  dazzled  the  feeble  optics,  and  addled  the 
shallow  brains  of  the  good  people  of  our  globe,  — 
let  us  suppose,  I  say,,  that  the  inhabitants  of  the 
moon,  by  these  means,  had  arrived  at  such  a  com- 
mand of  their  energies,  such  an  enviable  state  of 
perfectibility,  as  to  control  the  elements,  and  navi- 
gate the  boundless  regions  of  space.  '  Let  us 
suppose  a  roving  crew  of  these  soaring  philoso- 
phers, in  the  course  of  an  aerial  voyage  of  dis- 
covery among  the  stars,  should  chance  to  alight 
upon  this  outlandish  planet. 

And  here  I  beg  my  readers  will  not  have 
the  uncharitableness  to  smile,  as  is  too  frequently 
the  fault  of  volatile  readers,  when  perusing  the 
grave  speculations  of  philosophers.  I  am  far  from 
indulging  in  any  sportive  vein  at  present ;  nor  is 
the  supposition  I  have  been  making  so  wild  as 
many  may  deem  it.  It  has  long  been  a  very 
serious  and  anxious  question  with  me,  and  many 
a  time  and  oft,  in  the  course  of  my  overwhelm- 
ing cares  and  contrivances  for  the  welfare  and 
protection  of  this  my  native  planet,  have  I  lain 
awake  whole  nights  debating  in  my  mind,  whether 
it  were  most  probable  we  should  first  discover 
and  civilize  the  moon,  or  the  moon  discover  and 
civilize  our  globe.  Neither  would  the  prodigy 
of  sailing  in  the  air  and  cruising  among  the  stars 
be  a  whit  more  astonishing  and  incomprehensible 
to  us  than  was  the  European  mystery  of  navi- 
gating floating  castles,  through  the  world  of 


92  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

waters,  to  the  simple  natives.  We  have  already 
discovered  the  art  of  coasting  along  the  aerial 
shores  of  our  planet,  by  means  of  balloons,  as  the 
savages  had  of  venturing  along  their  sea-coasts  in 
canoes ;  and  the  disparity  between  the  former 
and  the  aerial  vehicles  of  the  philosophers  from 
the  moon  might  not  be  greater  than  that  be- 
tween the  bark  canoes  of  the  savages  and  the 
mighty  ships  of  their  discoverers.  I  might  here 
pursue  an  endless  chain  of  similar  speculations ; 
but  as  they  would  be  unimportant  to  my  sub- 
ject, I  abandon  them  to  my  reader,  particularly 
if  he  be  a  philosopher,  as  matters  well  worthy 
of  his  attentive  consideration. 

To  return,  then,  to  my  supposition ;  —  let  us 
suppose  that  the  aerial  visitants  I  have  men- 
tioned, possessed  of  vastly  superior  knowledge  to 
ourselves ;  that  is  to  say,  possessed  of  superior 
knowledge  in  the  art  of  extermination,  —  riding 
on  hyppogriffs,  —  defended  with  impenetrable  ar- 
mor,—  armed  with  concentrated  sunbeams,  and 
provided  with  vast  engines,  to  hurl  enormous 
moon-stones  :  in  short,  let  us  suppose  them,  if 
our  vanity  will  permit  the  supposition,  as  superior 
to  us  in  knowledge,  and  consequently  in  power, 
as  the  Europeans  were  to  the  Indians,  when  they 
first  discovered  them.  All  this  is  very  possible  ; 
it  is  -only  our  self-sufficiency  that  makes  us  think 
otherwise ;  and  I  warrant  the  poor  savages,  be- 
fore they  had  any  knowledge  of  the  white  men, 
armed  in  all  the  terrors  of  glittering  steel  and  tre- 
mendous gunpowder,  were  as  perfectly  convinced 
that  they  themselves  were  the  wisest,  the  most 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  93 

virtuous,  powerful,  and  perfect  of  created  beings, 
as  are,  at  this  present  moment,  the  lordly  inhab- 
itants of  old  England,  the  volatile  populace  of 
France,  or  even  the  self-satisfied  citizens  of  this 
most  enlightened  republic. 

Let  us  suppose,  moreover,  that  the  aerial  voy- 
agers, finding  this  planet  to  be  nothing  but  a 
howling  wilderness,  inhabited  by  us,  poor  sav- 
ages and  wild  beasts,  shall  take  formal  posses- 
sion of  it,  in  the  name  of  his  most  gracious  and 
philosophic  excellency,  the  man  in  the  moon. 
Finding,  however,  that  their  numbers  are  in- 
competent to  hold  it  in  complete  subjection,  on 
account  of  the  ferocious  barbarity  of  its  inhabi- 
tants, they  shall  take  our  worthy  President,  the 
King  of  England,  the  Emperor  of  Hayti,  the 
mighty  Bonaparte,  and  the  great  King  of  Ban- 
tam, and  returning  to  their  native  planet,  shall 
carry  them  to  court,  as  were  the  Indian  chiefs 
led  about  as  spectacles  in  the  courts  of  Europe. 

Then  making  such  obeisance  as  the  etiquette 
of  the  court  requires,  they  shall  address  the  puis- 
sant man  in  the  moon,  in,  as  near  as  I  can  con- 
jecture, the  following  terms  :  — 

"  Most  serene  and  mighty  Potentate,  whose 
dominions  extend  as  far  as  eye  can  reach,  who 
rideth  on  the  Great  Bear,  useth  the  sun  as  a 
looking-glass,  and  maintaineth  unrivalled  con- 
trol over  tides,  madmen,  and  sea  -  crabs.  We, 
thy  liege  subjects,  have  just  returned  from  a 
voyage  of  discovery,  in  the  course  of  which  we 
have  landed  and  taken  possession  of  that  ob- 
scure little  dirty  planet,  which  thou  beholdest 


94  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

rolling  at  a  distance.  The  five  uneouth  monsters, 
which  we  have  brought  into  this  august  pres- 
ence, were  once  very  important  chiefs  among 
their  fellow-savages,  who  are  a  race  of  beings 
totally  destitute  of  the  common  attributes  of  hu- 
manity ;  and  differing  in  every  thing  from  the  in- 
habitants of  the  moon,  inasmuch  as  they  carry 
their  heads  upon  their  shoulders,  instead  of  un- 
der their  arms,  —  have  two  eyes  instead  of  one, 
—  are  utterly  destitute  of  tails,  and  of  a  variety 
of  unseemly  complexions,  particularly  of  horrible 
whiteness,  instead  of  pea-green. 

"We  have  moreover  found  these  miserable 
savages  sunk  into  a  state  of  the  utmost  igno- 
rance and  depravity,  every  man  shamelessly 
living  with  his  own  wife,  and  rearing  his  own 
children,  instead  of  indulging  in  that  commu- 
nity of  wives  enjoined  by  the  law  of  nature,  as 
expounded  by  the  philosophers  of  the  moon. 
In  a  word,  they  have  scarcely  a  gleam  of  true 
philosophy  among  them,  but  are,  in  fact,  utter 
heretics,  ignoramuses,  and  barbarians.  Taking 
compassion,  therefore,  on  the  sad  condition  of 
these  sublunary  wretches,  we  have  endeavored, 
while  we  remained  on  their  planet,  to  introduce 
among  them  the  light  of  reason,  and  the  com- 
forts of  the  moon.  We  have  treated  them  to 
mouthfuls  of  moonshine,  and  draughts  of  nitrous 
oxide,  which  they  swallowed  with  incredible  vo- 
racity, particularly  the  females ;  and  we  have 
likewise  endeavored  to  instil  into  them  the  pre- 
cepts of  lunar  philosophy.  We  have  insisted 
upon  their  renouncing  the  contemptible  shackles 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  95 

of  religion  and  common  sense,  and  adoring  the 
profound,  omnipotent,  and  all  -  perfect  energy, 
and  the  ecstatic,  immutable,  immovable  perfec- 
tion. But  such  was  the  unparalleled  obstinacy 
of  these  wretched  savages,  that  they  persisted 
in  cleaving  to  their  wives,  and  adhering  to 
their  religion,  and  absolutely  set  at  naught  the 
sublime  doctrines  of  the  moon,  —  nay,  among 
other  abominable  heresies,  they  even  went  so 
far  as  blasphemously  to  declare,  that  this  inef- 
fable planet  was  made  of  nothing  more  nor  less 
than  green  cheese  !  " 

At  these  words,  the  great  man  in  the  moon 
(being  a  very  profound  philosopher)  shall  fall 
into  a  terrible  passion,  and  possessing  equal  au- 
thority over  things  that  do  not  belong  to  him, 
as  did  wrhilom  his  holiness  the  Pope,  shall  forth- 
with issue  a  formidable  bull,  specifying,  "  That, 
whereas  a  certain  crew  of  Lunatics  have  lately 
discovered,  and  taken  possession  of  a  newly-dis- 
covered planet  called  the  earth;  and  that,  where- 
as it  is  inhabited  by  none  but  a  race  of  two- 
legged  animals  that  carry  their  heads  on  their 
shoulders  instead  of  under  their  arms,  cannot 
talk  the  lunatic  language,  have  two  eyes  instead 
of  one,  are  destitute  of  tails,  and  of  a  horrible 
whiteness,  instead  of  pea-green: — therefore,  and 
for  a  variety  of  other  excellent  reasons,  they  are 
considered  incapable  of  possessing  any  property 
in  the  planet  they  infest,  and  the  right  and  title 
to  it  are  confirmed  to  its  original  discoverers. 
And  furthermore,  the  colonists  who  are  now 
about  to  depart  to  the  aforesaid  planet  are  au- 


96  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

thorized  and  commanded  to  use  every  means  to 
convert  these  infidel  savages  from  the  darkness 
of  Christianity,  and  make  them  thorough  and 
absolute  lunatics." 

In  consequence  of  this  benevolent  bull,  our 
philosophic  benefactors  go  to  work  with  hearty 
zeal.  They  seize  upon  our  fertile  territories, 
scourge  us  from  our  rightful  possessions,  relieve  us 
from  our  wives ;  and  when  we  are  unreasonable 
enough  to  complain,  they  will  turn  upon  us  and 
say  :  Miserable  barbarians  !  ungrateful  wretches  ! 
have  we  not  come  thousands  of  miles  to  improve 
your  worthless  planet ;  have  we  not  fed  you  Avith 
moonshine  ;  have  we  not  intoxicated  you  with 
nitrous  oxide ;  does  not  our  moon  give  you  light 
every  night ;  and  have  you  the  baseness  to  mur- 
mur when  we  claim  a  pitiful  return  for  all  these 
benefits  ?  But  finding  that  we  not  only  persist  in 
absolute  contempt  of  their  reasoning  and  disbe- 
lief in  their  philosophy,  but  even  go  so  far  as 
daringly  to  defend  our  property,  their  patience 
shall  be  exhausted,  and  they  shall  resort  to  their 
superior  powers  of  argument :  hunt  us  with  hyp- 
pogriffs,  transfix  us  with  concentrated  sunbeams, 
demolish  our  cities  with  moon-stones  ;  until  hav- 
ing, by  main  force,  converted  us  to  the  true  faith, 
they  shall  graciously  permit  us  to  exist  in  the 
torrid  deserts  of  Arabia,  or  the  frozen  regions  of 
Lapland,  there  to  enjoy  the  blessings  of  civiliza- 
tion and  the  charms  of  lunar  philosophy,  in 
much  the  same  manner  as  the  reformed  and  en- 
lightened savages  of  this  country  are  kindly 
suffered  to  inhabit  the  inhospitable  forests  of  the 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  97 

north,  or  the  impenetrable  wildernesses  of  South 
America. 

Thus,  I  hope,  I  have  clearly  proved,  and  strik- 
ingly illustrated,  the  right  of  the  early  colonists 
to  the  possession  of  this  country ;  and  thus  is 
this  gigantic  question  completely  vanquished :  so, 
having  manfully  surmounted  all  obstacles,  and 
subdued  all  opposition,  what  remains  but  that  I 
should  forthwith  conduct  my  readers  into  the 
city  which  we  have  been  so  long  in  a  manner 
besieging  ?  But  hold  ;  before  I  proceed  another 
step,  I  must  pause  to  take  breath,  and  recover 
from  the  excessive  fatigue  I  have  undergone,  in 
preparing  to  begin  this  most  accurate  of  histo- 
ries. And  in  this  I  do  but  imitate  the  example 
of  a  renowned  Dutch  tumbler  of  antiquity,  who 
took  a  start  of  three  miles  for  the  purpose  of 
jumping  over  a  hill,  but  having  run  himself  out 
of  breath  by  the  time  he  reached  the  foot,  sat 
himself  quietly  down  for  a  few  moments  to  blow, 
and  then  walked  over  it  at  his  leisure. 


BOOK    II. 

TREATING  OP  THE  FIRST  SETTLEMENT  OP  THE  PROVINCE 
OF  NIEUW-NEDERLANDTS. 


CHAPTER   I. 

IS  WHICH  ARE  CONTAINED  DIVERS  REASONS  WHY  A  MAN  SHOULD  NOT 
WRITS  IN  A  HURRY  ;  ALSO,  OF  MASTER  HENDRICK  HUDSON,  HIS  DIS- 
COVERY OP  A  STRANGE  COUNTRY.  —AND  HOW  HE  WAS  MAGNIFICENTLY 
REWARDED  BY  THE  MUNIFICENCE  OF  THEIR  HIGH  MIGHTINESSES. 

;Y  great-grandfather,  by  the  mother's 
side,  Hermanns  Van  Clattercop,  when 
employed  to  build  the  large  stone 
church  at  Rotterdam,  which  stands  about  three 
hundred  yards  to  your  left  after  you  turn  off 
from  the  Boomkeys,  and  which  is  so  conven- 
iently constructed,  that  all  the  zealous  Chris- 
tians of  Rotterdam  prefer  sleeping  through  a 
sermon  there  to  any  other  church  in  the  city, 
—  my  great-grandfather,  I  say,  when  employed 
to  build  that  famous  church,  did  in  the  first 
place  send  to  Delft  for  a  box  of  long  pipes ; 
then  having  purchased  a  new  spitting-box  and 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  99 

a  hundred-weight  of  the  best  Virginia,  he  sat 
himself  down,  and  did  nothing  for  the  space 
of  three  months  but  smoke  most  laboriously. 
Then  did  he  spend  full  three  months  more  in 
trudging  on  foot,  and  voyaging  in  trekschuit, 
from  Rotterdam  to  Amsterdam  —  to  Delft  —  to 
Haerlem — to  Leyden  —  to  the  Hague,  knocking 
his  head  and  breaking  his  pipe  against  every 
church  in  his  road.  Then  did  he  advance  grad- 
ually nearer  and  nearer  to  Rotterdam,  until  he 
came  in  full  sight  of  the  identical  spot  whereon 
the  church  was  to  be  built.  Then  did  he  spend 
three  months  longer  in  walking  round  it  and 
round  it,  contemplating  it,  first  from  one  point 
of  view,  and  then  from  another,  —  now  would 
he  be  paddled  by  it  on  the  canal,  —  now  would 
he  peep  at  it  through  a  telescope  from  the  other 
side  of  the  Meuse,  and  now  would  he  take  a 
bird's-eye  glance  at  it  from  the  top  of  one  of 
those  gigantic  windmills  which  protect  the  gates 
of  the  city.  The  good  folks  of  the  place  were 
on  the  tiptoe  of  expectation  and  impatience ;  — 
notwithstanding  all  the  turmoil  of  my  great- 
grandfather, not  a  symptom  of  the  church  was 
yet  to  be  seen  ;  they  even  began  to  fear  it  would 
never  be  brought  into  the  world,  but  that  its 
great  projector  would  lie  down  and  die  in  labor 
of  the  mighty  plan  he  had  conceived.  At  length, 
having  occupied  twelve  good  months  in  puffing 
and  paddling,  and  talking  and  walking,  —  hav- 
ing travelled  over  all  Holland,  and  even  taken 
a  peep  into  France  and  Germany,  —  having 
smoked  five  hundred  and  ninety-nine  pipes,  and 


100  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

three  hundred-weight  of  the  best  Virginia  to- 
bacco, —  my  great-grandfather  gathered  together 
all  that  knowing  and  industrious  class  of  citi- 
zens who  prefer  attending  to  anybody's  business 
sooner  than  their  own,  and  having  pulled  off  his 
coat  and  five  pair  of  breeches,  he  advanced  stur- 
dily up  and  laid  the  corner-stone  of  the  church, 
in  presence  of  the  whole  multitude  — just  at  the 
commencement  of  the  thirteenth  month. 

In  a  similar  manner,  and  with  the  example  of 
my  worthy  ancestor  full  before  my  eyes,  have  I 
proceeded  in  Avriting  this  most  authentic  history. 
The  honest  Rotterdamers  no  doubt  thought  my 
great-grandfather  was  doing  nothing  at  all  to  the 
purpose,  while  he  was  making  such  a  world  of 
prefatory  bustle  about  the  building  of  his  church, 
—  and  many  of  the  ingenious  inhabitants  of  this 
fair  city  will  unquestionably  suppose  that  all  the 
preliminary  chapters,  with  the  discovery,  popu- 
lation, and  final  settlement  of  America,  were  to- 
tally irrelevant  and  superfluous,  —  and  that  the 
main  business,  the  history  of  New  York,  is  not 
a  jot  more  advanced  than  if  I  had  never  taken 
up  my  pen.  Never  were  wise  people  more  mis- 
taken in  their  conjectures :  in  consequence  of 
going  to  work  slowly  and  deliberately,  the  church 
came  out  of  my  grandfather's  hands  one  of  the 
most  sumptuous,  goodly,  and  glorious  edifices  in 
the  known  world,  —  excepting  that,  like  our  mag- 
nificent capitol,  at  Washington,  it  was  begun  on 
so  grand  a  scale  that  the  good  folks  could  not 
afford  to  finish  more  than  the  wing  of  it.  So, 
likewise,  I  trust,  if  ever  I  am  able  to  finish  this 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  101 

work  on  the  plan  I  have  commenced,  (of  which, 
in  simple  truth,  I  sometimes  have  my  doubts,) 
it  will  be  found  that  I  have  pursued  the  latest 
rules  of  my  art,  as  exemplified  in  the  writings 
of  all  the  great  American  historians,  and  wrought 
a  very  large  history  out  of  a  small  subject,  — 
which,  nowadays,  is  considered  one  of  the  great 
triumphs  of  historic  skill.  To  proceed,  then,  with 
the  thread  of  my  story. 

In  the  ever-memorable  year  of  our  Lord,  1 609, 
on  a  Saturday  morning,  the  five-and-twentieth 
day  of  March,  old  style,  did  that  "  worthy  and 
irrecoverable  discoverer,  (as  he  has  justly  been 
called,)  Master  Henry  Hudson,"  set  sail  from 
Holland  in  a  stout  vessel  called  the  Half-Moon, 
being  employed  by  the  Dutch  East  India  Com- 
pany, to  seek  a  northwest  passage  to  China. 

Henry  (or,  as  the  Dutch  historians  call  him, 
Hendrick)  Hudson  was  a  seafaring  man  of  re- 
nown, who  had  learned  to  smoke  tobacco  under 
Sir  Walter  Raleigh,  and  is  said  to  have  been  the 
first  to  introduce  it  into  Holland,  which  gained 
him  much  popularity  in  that  country,  and  caused 
him  to  find  great  favor  in  the  eyes  of  their  High 
Mightinesses,  the  Lords  States  General,  and  also 
of  the  honorable  West  India  Company.  He  was 
a  short,  square,  brawny  old  gentleman,  with  a 
double  chin,  a  mastiff  mouth,  and  a  broad  copper 
nose,  which  was  supposed  in  those  days  to  have 
acquired  its  fiery  hue  from  the  constant  neighbor- 
hood of  his  tobacco-pipe. 

He  wore  a  true  Andrea  Ferrara,  tucked  in 
a  leathern  belt,  and  a  commodore's  cocked  hat 


102  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

on  one  side  of  his  head.  He  was  remarkable 
for  always  jerking  up  his  breeches  when  he 
gave  out  his  orders,  and  his  voice  sounded  not 
unlike  the  brattling  of  a  tin  trumpet,  —  owing  to 
the  number  of  hard  northwesters  which  he  had 
swallowed  in  the  course  of  his  seafaring. 

Such  was  Hendrick  Hudson,  of  whom  we 
have  heard  so  much,  and  know  so  little;  and 
I  have  been  thus  particular  in  his  description 
for  the  benefit  of  modern  painters  and  statua- 
ries, that  they  may  represent  him  as  he  was,  — 
and  not,  according  to  their  common  custom  with 
modem  heroes,  make  him  look  like  Caesar,  or 
Marcus  Aurelius,  or  the  Apollo  of  Belvidere. 

As  chief  mate  and  favorite  companion,  the 
commodore  chose  master  Robert  Juet,  of  Lime- 
house,  in  England.  By  some  his  name  has  been 
spelled  Ohewit,  and  ascribed  to  the  circumstances 
of  his  having  been  the  first  man  that  ever 
chewed  tobacco ;  but  this  I  believe  to  be  a  mere 
flippancy ;  more  especially  as  certain  of  his  pro- 
geny are  living  at  this  day,  who  write  their 
names  Juet.  He  was  an  old  comrade  and  early 
schoolmate  of  the  great  Hudson,  with  whom  he 
had  often  played  truant  and  sailed  chip  boats  in 
a  neighboring  pond,  when  they  were  little  boys : 
from  whence  it  is  said  that  the  commodore  first 
derived  his  bias  towards  a  seafaring  life.  Certain 
it  is,  that  the  old  people  about  Limehouse  declared 
Robert  Juet  to  be  an  unlucky  urchin,  prone  to 
mischief,  that  would  one  day  or  other  come  to  the 
gallows. 

He  grew  up,  as  boys  of  that  kind  often  grow 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  103 

up,  a  rambling,  heedless  varlet,  tossed  about  in 
all  quarters  of  the  world,  —  meeting  with  more 
perils  and  wonders  than  did  Sinbad  the  Sailor, 
without  growing  a  whit  more  wise,  prudent,  or 
ill  -  natured.  Under  every  misfortune,  he  com- 
forted himself  with  a  quid  of  tobacco,  and  the 
truly  philosophic  maxim,  that  "  it  will  be  all  the 
same  thing  a  hundred  years  hence."  He  was 
skilled  in  the  art  of  carving  anchors  and  true 
lover's  knots  on  the  bulk-heads  and  quarter-rail- 
ings, and  was  considered  a  great  wit  on  board 
ship,  in  consequence  of  his  playing  pranks  on 
everybody  around,  and  now  and  then  even  mak- 
ing a  wry  face  at  old  Hendrick,  when  his  back 
was  turned. 

To  this  universal  genius  are  we  indebted  for 
many  particulars  concerning  this  voyage ;  of 
which  he  wrote  a  history,  at  the  request  of  the 
commodore,  who  had  an  unconquerable  aversion 
to  writing  himself,  from  having  received  so  many 
floggings  about  it  when  at  school.  To  supply 
the  deficiencies  of  master  Juet's  journal,  which 
is  written  with  true  log-book  brevity,  I  have 
availed  myself  of  divers  family  traditions,  handed 
down  from  my  great-great-grandfather,  who  ac- 
companied the  expedition  in  the  capacity  of  cabin- 
boy. 

From  all  that  I  can  learn,  few  incidents  worthy 
of  remark  happened  in  the  voyage ;  and  it  mor- 
tifies me  exceedingly  that  I  have  to  admit  so 
noted  an  expedition  into  my  work,  without  mak- 
ing any  more  of  it. 

Suffice  it  to  say,  the  voyage  AVOS  prosperous 


104  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

and  tranquil ;  the  crew,  being  a  patient  people, 
much  given  to  slumber  and  vacuity,  and  but  lit- 
tle troubled  with  the  disease  of  thinking,  —  a 
malady  of  the  mind,  which  is  the  sure  breeder  of 
discontent.  Hudson  had  laid  in  abundance  of 
gin  and  sourkrout,  and  every  man  was  allowed 
to  sleep  quietly  at  his  post  unless  the  wind  blew. 
True  it  is,  some  slight  disaffection  was  shown  on 
two  or  three  occasions,  at  certain  unreasonable 
conduct  of  Commodore  Hudson.  Thus,  for  in- 
stance, he  forbore  to  shorten  sail  when  the  wind 
was  light,  and  the  weather  serene,  which  was 
considered  among  the  most  experienced  Dutch 
seamen  as  certain  weather  -  breeders,  or  prognos- 
tics that  the  weather  would  change  for  the  worse. 
He  acted,  moreover,  in  direct  contradiction  to 
that  ancient  and  sage  rule  of  the  Dutch  naviga- 
tors, who  always  took  in  sail  at  night,  put  the 
helm  a-port,  and  turned  in,  —  by  which  precau- 
tion they  had  a  good  night's  rest,  were  sure  of 
knowing  where  they  were  the  next  morning,  and 
stood  but  little  chance  of  running  down  a  conti- 
nent in  the  dark.  He  likewise  prohibited  the 
seamen  from  wearing  more  than  five  jackets  and 
six  pair  of  breeches,  under  pretence  of  rendering 
them  more  alert ;  and  no  man  was  permitted  to 
go  aloft  and  hand  in  sails  with  a  pipe  in  his 
mouth,  as  is  the  invariable  Dutch  custom  at  the 
present  day.  All  these  grievances,  though  they 
might  ruffle  for  a  moment  the  constitutional  tran- 
quillity of  the  honest  Dutch  tars,  made  but  tran- 
sient impression;  —  they  ate  hugely,  drank  pro- 
fusely, and  slept  immeasurably ;  and  being  under 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  105 

the  especial  guidance  of  Providence,  the  ship  was 
safely  conducted  to  the  coast  of  America  ;  where, 
after  sundry  unimportant  touchings  and  standings 
off  and  on,  she  at  length,  on  the  fourth  day  of 
September,  entered  that  majestic  bay  which  at 
this  day  expands  its  ample  bosom  before  the 
city  of  New  York,  and  wliich  had  never  before 
been  visited  by  any  European.1 

It  has  been  traditionary  in  our  family,  that 
when  the  great  navigator  was  first  blessed  with 

1  True  it  is  — and  I  am  not  ignorant  of  the  fact  —  that  in  a 
certain  apocryphal  book  of  voyages,  compiled  by  one  Hak- 
luyt,  is  to  be  found  a  letter  written  to  Francis  the  First,  by 
one  Giovanne,  or  John  Verazzani,  on  which  some  writers  are 
inclined  to  found  a  belief  that  this  delightful  bay  had  been 
visited  nearly  a  century  previous  to  the  voyage  of  the  enter- 
prising Hudson.  Now  this  (albeit  it  has  met  with  the  counte- 
nance of  certain  very  judicious  and  learned  men)  I  hold  in 
utter  disbelief,  and  that  for  various  good  and  substantial 
reasons  :  First,  Because  on  strict  examination  it  will  be 
found,  that  the  description  given  by  this  Verazzani  applies 
about  as  well  to  the  bay  of  New  York  as  it  does  to  my  night- 
cap. Secondly,  Because  that  this  John  Verazzani,  for  whom 
I  already  begin  to  feel  a  most  bitter  enmity,  is  a  native  of 
Florence  ;  and  everybody  knows  the  crafty  wiles  of  these 
losel  Florentines,  by  which  they  filched  away  the  laurels  from 
the  brows  of  the  immortal  Colon,  (vulgarly  called  Columbus,) 
and  bestowed  them  on  their  officious  townsman,  Amerigo 
Vespucci ;  and  I  make  no  doubt  tiny  are  equally  ready  to 
rob  the  illustrious  Hudson  of  the  credit  of  discovering  "this 
beautiful  island,  adorned  by  the  city  of  New  York,  and  pla- 
cing it  beside  their  usurped  discovery  of  South  America. 
And,  thirdly,  I  award  my  decision  in  favor  of  the  pretensions 
of  Hendrick  Hudson,  inasmuch  as  his  expedition  sailed  from 
Holland,  being  truly  and  absolutely  a  Dutch  enterprise;  — 
and  though  all  the  proofs  in  the  world  were  introduced  on 
the  other  side,  I  would  set  them  at  naught,  as  undeserving 
my  attention.  If  these  three  reasons  be  not  sufficient  to  sat- 
isfy every  burgher  of  this  ancient  city,  all  I  can  say  is,  they 
are  degenerate  descendants  from  theirvenerable  Dutch  ances- 
tors, and  totally  unworthy  the  trouble  of  convincing.  Thus, 
therefore,  the  title  of  Heiidrick  Hudson  to  his  renowned  dis- 
covery is  fully  vindicated. 


106  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

a  view  of  this  enchanting  island,  he  was  ob- 
served, for  the  first  and  only  time  in  his  life,  to 
exhibit  strong  symptoms  of  astonishment  and 
admiration.  He  is  said  to  have  turned  to  mas- 
ter Juet,  and  uttered  these  remarkable  words, 
while  he  pointed  towards  this  paradise  of  the 
new  world,  —  "  See!  there  !  " — and  thereupon,  as 
was  always  his  way  when  he  was  uncommonly 
pleased,  he  did  puff  out  such  clouds  of  dense 
tobacco-smoke,  that  in  one  minute  the  vessel 
was  out  of  sight  of  land,  and  master  Juet  was 
fain  to  wait  until  the  winds  dispersed  this  im- 
penetrable fog. 

It  was  indeed,  —  as  my  great-grandfather  used 
to  say,  —  though  in  truth  I  never  heard  him,  for 
he  died,  as  might  be  expected,  before  I  was  born, 
—  "  It  was  indeed  a  spot  on  which  the  eye  might 
have  revelled  forever,  in  ever  new  and  never-end- 
ing beauties."  The  island  of  Mannahata  spread 
wide  before  them,  like  some  sweet  vision  of 
fancy,  or  some  fair  creation  of  industrious  magic. 
Its  hills  of  smiling  green  swelled  gently  one 
above  another,  crowned  with  lofty  trees  of 
luxuriant  growth  ;  some  pointing  their  tapering 
foliage  towards  the  clouds,  which  were  glori- 
ously transparent ;  and  others  loaded  with  a  ver- 
dant burden  of  clambering  vines,  bowing  their 
branches  to  the  earth,  that  was  covered  with 
flowers.  On  the  gentle  declivities  of  the  hills 
were  scattered  in  gay  profusion,  the  dog-wood, 
the  sumach,  and  the  wild  brier,  whose  scarlet 
berries  and  white  blossoms  glowed  brightly 
among  the  deep  green  of  the  surrounding  foli- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  107 

age ;  and  here  and  there  a  curling  column  of 
smoke,  rising  from  the  little  glens  that  opened 
along  the  shore,  seemed  to  promise  the  weary 
voyagers  a  welcome  at  the  hands  of  their  fel- 
low-creatures. As  they  stood  gazing  with  en- 
tranced attention  on  the  scene  before  them,  a 
red  man,  crowned  with  feathers,  issued  from 
one  of  these  glens,  and  after  contemplating  in 
wonder  the  gallant  ship,  as  she  sat  like  a  stately 
swan  swimming  on  a  silver  lake,  sounded  the 
warwhoop,  and  bounded  into  the  woods  like  a 
wild  deer,  to  the  utter  astonishment  of  the 
phlegmatic  Dutchmen,  who  had  never  heard 
such  a  noise,  or  witnessed  such  a  caper  in  their 
whole  lives. 

Of  the  transactions  of  our  adventurers  with 
the  savages,  and  how  the  latter  smoked  copper 
pipes,  and  ate  dried  currants ;  how  they  brought 
great  store  of  tobacco  and  oysters ;  how  they 
shot  one  of  the  ship's  crew,  and  how  he  was 
buried,  I  shall  say  nothing;  being  that  I  con- 
sider them  unimportant  to  my  history.  After 
tarrying  a  few  days  in  the  bay,  in  order  to  re- 
fresh themselves  after  their  seafaring,  our  voy- 
agers weighed  anchor,  to  explore  a  mighty  river 
which  emptied  into  the  bay.  This  river,  it  is 
said,  was  known  among  the  savages  by  the  name 
of  the  Shatemuck  ;  though  we  are  assured  in  an 
excellent  little  history  published  in  1674,  by 
John  Josselyn,  Gent.,  that  it  was  called  the 
Mohegan^  and  master  Richard  Bloome,  who 

1  This  river  is  likewise  laid  down  in  Ogilvv's  map  as  Man- 
hattan—  Noordt  Montaigne  and  Mauritius  nver. 


108  HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK. 

wrote  some  time  afterwards,  asserts  the  same, 
—  so  that  I  very  much  incline  in  favor  of  the 
opinion  of  these  two  honest  gentlemen.  Be  this 
as  it  may,  up  this  river  did  the  adventurous 
Hendrick  proceed,  little  doubting  but  it  would 
turn  out  to  be  the  much  looked-for  passage  to 
China ! 

The  journal  goes  on  to  make  mention  of 
divers  interviews  between  the  crew  and  the 
natives,  in  the  voyage  up  the  river ;  but  as 
they  would  be  impertinent  to  my  history,  I  shall 
pass  over  them  in  silence,  except  the  following 
dry  joke,  played  off  by  the  old  commodore  and 
his  school-fellow,  Robert  Juet,  which  does  such 
vast  credit  to  their  experimental  philosophy,  that 
I  cannot  refrain  from  inserting  it.  "  Our  master 
and  his  mate  determined  to  try  some  of  the 
chiefe  men  of  the  countrey,  whether  they  had 
any  treacherie  in  them.  So  they  tooke  them 
downe  into  the  cabin,  and  gave  them  so  much 
wine  and  aqua  vitas,  that  they  were  all  merrie ; 
and  one  of  them  had  his  wife  with  him,  which 
sate  so  modestly,  as  any  of  our  countrey  women 
would  do  in  a  strange  place.  In  the  end,  one  of 
them  was  drunke,  which  had  been  aborde  of  our 
ship  all  the  time  that  we  had  been  there,  and 
that  was  strange  to  them,  for  they  could  not  tell 
how  to  take  it."  1 

Having  satisfied  himself  by  this  ingenious  ex- 
periment, that  the  natives  were  an  honest,  so- 
cial race  of  jolly  roysters,  who  had  no  objection 
to  a  drinking-bout  and  were  very  merry  in  their 
l  Juet's  Journ.  Purch.  Pil. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  109 

cups,  the  old  commodore  chuckled  hugely  to  him- 
self, and  thrusting  a  double  quid  of  tobacco  in 
his  cheek,  directed  master  Juet  to  have  it  care- 
fully recorded,  for  the  satisfaction  of  all  the  nat- 
ural philosophers  of  the  univei-sity  of  Leyden, — • 
which  done,  he  proceeded  on  his  voyage,  with 
great  self-complacency.  After  sailing,  however, 
above  an  hundred  miles  up  the  river,  he  found 
the  watery  world  around  him  began  to  grow 
rnoi-e  shallow  and  confined,  the  current  more 
rapid,  and  perfectly  fresh,  —  phenomena  not  un- 
common in  the  ascent  of  rivers,  but  which  puz- 
zled the  honest  Dutchmen  prodigiously.  A 
consultation  was  therefore  called,  and  having 
deliberated  full  six  hours,  they  were  brought  to 
a  determination  by  the  ship's  running  aground, 
—  whereupon  they  unanimously  concluded,  that 
there  Avas  but  little  chance  of  getting  to  China 
in  this  direction.  A  boat,  however,  was  de- 
spatched to  explore  higher  up  the  river,  which,  on 
its  return,  confirmed  the  opinion ;  upon  this  the 
ship  was  warped  off  and  put  about,  with  great 
difficulty,  being,  like  most  of  her  sex,  exceed- 
ingly hai-d  to  govern ;  and  the  adventurous  Hud- 
son, according  to  the  account  of  my  great-great- 
grandfather, returned  down  the  river  —  with  a 
prodigious  flea  in  his  ear ! 

Being  satisfied  that  there  was  little  likelihood 
of  getting  to  China,  unless,  like  the  blind  man, 
he  returned  from  whence  he  set  out,  and  took  a 
fresh  start,  he  forthwith  recrossed  the  sea  to  Hol- 
land, where  he  was  received  with  great  welcome 
by  the  honorable  East  India  Company,  who  were 


110  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

very  much  rejoiced  to  see  him  come  back  safe  — 
with  their  ship ;  and  at  a  large  and  respectable 
meeting  of  the  first  merchants  and  burgomasters 
of  Amsterdam,  it  was  unanimously  determined, 
that,  as  a  munificent  reward  for  the  eminent 
services  he  had  performed,  and  the  important 
discovery  he  had  made,  the  great  river  Mohegan 
should  be  called  after  his  name !  —  and  it  conr 
tinues  to  be  called  Hudson  river  unto  this  very 


HIS  TORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  1 1 1 


CHAPTER   II. 


CONTAINING    AN   ACCOUNT    OF    A   MIGHTY    AUK   WHICH    FLOATED,   UNDER 
LAND,  —  THE    DESCENT    OF    THE    STRANGE   ANIMALS    THEREFROM, — A 


[HE  delectable  accounts  given  by  the  great 
Hudson,  and  master  Juet,  of  the  coun- 
try they  had  discovered,  excited  not  a 
little  talk  and  speculation  among  the  good  people 
of  Holland.  Letters  -  patent  were  granted  by 
government  to  an  association  of  merchants,  called 
the  West  India  Company,  for  the  exclusive  trade 
on  Hudson  river,  on  which  they  erected  a  trad- 
ing-house, called  Fort  Aurania,  or  Orange,  from 
whence  did  spring  the  great  city  of  Albany.  But 
I  forbear  to  dwell  on  the  various  commercial  and 
colonizing  enterprises  which  took  place,  —  among 
which  was  that  of  Mynheer  Adrian  Block,  who 
discovered  and  gave  a  name  to  Block  Island, 
since  famous  for  its  cheese,  —  and  shall  barely 
confine  myself  to  that  which  gave  birth  to  this 
renowned  city. 

It  was  some  three  or  four  years  after  the  re- 
turn of  the  immortal  Hendrick,  that  a  crew  of 
honest,  Low-Dutch  colonists  set  sail  from  the 
city  of  Amsterdam  for  the  shores  of  America. 
It  is  an  irreparable  loss  to  history,  and  a  great 


112  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

proof  of  the  darkness  of  the  age,  and  the  lamen- 
table neglect  of  the  noble  art  of  book-making, 
since  so  industriously  cultivated  by  knowing  sea- 
captains,  and  learned  supercargoes,  that  an  expe- 
dition so  interesting  and  important  in  its  results 
should  be  passed  over  in  utter  silence.  To  my 
great-great-grandfather  am  I  again  indebted  for 
the  few  facts  I  am  enabled  to  give  concerning  it, 
—  he  having  once  more  embarked  for  this  coun- 
try, with  a  full  determination,  as  he  said,  of  end- 
ing his  days  here,  and  of  begetting  a  race  of 
Knickerbockers  that  should  rise  to  be  great  men 
in  the  land. 

The  ship  in  which  these  illustrious  adventur- 
ers set  sail  was  called  the  Goede  Vrouw,  or  good 
woman,  in  compliment  to  the  wife  of  the  Presi- 
dent of  the  West  India  Company,  who  was  al- 
lowed by  everybody  (except  her  husband)  to  be 
a  sweet-tempered  lady  —  when  not  in  liquor.  It 
was  in  truth  a  most  gallant  vessel,  of  the  most 
approved  Dutch  construction,  and  made  by  the 
ablest  ship-carpenters  of  Amsterdam,  who,  it  is 
well  known,  always  model  their  ships  after  the 
fair  forms  of  their  countrywomen.  Accordingly, 
it  had  one  hundred  feet  in  the  beam,  one  hundred 
feet  in  the  keel,  and  one  hundred  feet  from  the 
bottom  of  the  stern-post  to  the  tafferel.  Like 
the  beauteous  model,  who  was  declared  to  be  the 
greatest  belle  in  Amsterdam,  it  was  full  in  the 
bows,  with  a  pair  of  enormous  cat-heads,  a  cop- 
per bottom,  and  withal  a  most  prodigious  poop ! 

The  architect,  who  was  somewhat  of  a  relig- 
ious man,  far  from  decorating  the  ship  with  pa- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  113 

gan  idols,  such  as  Jupiter,  Neptune,  or  Hercules, 
(which  heathenish  abominations,  I  have  no  doubt, 
occasion  the  misfortunes  and  shipwreck  of  many 
a  noble  vessel,)  —  he,  I  say  on  the  contrary,  did 
laudably  erect  for  a  head,  a  goodly  image  of  St. 
Nicholas,  equipped  with  a  low,  broad-brimmed 
hat,  a  luige  pair  of  Flemish  trunk-hose,  and  a 
pipe  that  readied  to  the  end  of  the  bowsprit. 
Thus  gallantly  furnished,  the  stanch  ship  floated 
sideways,  like  a  majestic  goose,  out  of  the  harbor 
of  the  great  city  of  Amsterdam,  and  all  the  bells, 
that  Avere  not  otherwise  engaged,  rang  a  triple 
bobmajor  on  the  joyful  occasion. 

My  great-great-grandfather  remarks,  that  the 
voyage  was  uncommonly  prosperous,  for,  being 
under  the  especial  care  of  the  ever-revered  St. 
Nicholas,  the  Goede  Vrouw  seemed  to  be  endowed 
with  qualities  unknown  to  common  vessels.  Thus 
she  made  as  much  leeway  as  headway,  could  get 
along  very  nearly  as  fast  with  the  wind  ahead 
as  when  it  was  a-poop,  —  and  was  particularly 
great  in  a  calm ;  in  consequence  of  which  singu- 
lar advantages  she  made  out  to  accomplish  her 
voyage  in  a  very  few  months,  and  came  to  an- 
chor at  the  mouth  of  the  Hudson,  a  little  to  the 
east  of  Gibbet  Island. 

Here,  lifting  up  their  eyes,  they  beheld,  on 
what  is  at  present  called  the  Jersey  shore,  a 
small  Indian  village,  pleasantly  embowered  in  a 
grove  of  spreading  elms,  and  the  natives  all  col- 
lected on  the  beach,  gazing  in  stupid  admiration 
at  the  Goede  Vrouw.  A  boat  was  immediately 
despatched  to  enter  into  a  treaty  with  them,  and 


114  Tf IS  TORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

approaching  the  shore,  hailed  them  through  a 
trumpet,  in  the  most  friendly  terms ;  but  so  hor- 
ribly confounded  were  these  poor  savages  at  the 
tremendous  and  uncouth  sound  of  the  Low-Dutch 
language,  that  they  one  and  all  took  to  their 
heels,  and  scampered  over  the  Bergen  hills ;  nor 
did  they  stop  until  they  had  buried  themselves, 
head  and  ears,  in  the  marshes  on  the  other  side, 
where  they  all  miserably  perished  to  a  man ;  — 
and  their  bones,  being  collected  and  decently 
covered  by  the  Tammany  Society  of  that  day, 
formed  that  singular  mound  called  RATTLESNAKE 
HILL,  which  rises  out  of  the  centre  of  the  salt 
marshes  a  little  to  the  east  of  the  Newark 
Causeway. 

Animated  by  this  unlooked-for  victory,  our 
valiant  heroes  sprang  ashore  in  triumph,  took 
possession  of  the  soil  as  conquerors,  in  the  name 
of  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States  Gen- 
eral ;  and,  marching  fearlessly  forward,  carried 
the  village  of  COMMUNIPAW  by  storm,  notwith- 
standing that  it  was  vigorously  defended  by  some 
half  a  score  of  old  squaws  and  pappooses.  On 
looking  about  them  they  were  so  transported 
with  the  excellencies  of  the  place,  that  they  had 
very  little  doubt  the  blessed  St.  Nicholas  had 
guided  them  thither,  as  the  very  spot  whereon 
to  settle  their  colony.  The  softness  of  the  soil 
was  wonderfully  adapted  to  the  driving  of  piles ; 
the  swamps  and  marshes  around  them  afforded 
ample  opportunities  for  the  constructing  of  dykes 
and  dams ;  the  shallowness  of  the  shore  was  pe- 
culiarly favorable  to  the  building  of  docks  ; — in  a 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  115 

word,  this  spot  abounded  with  all  the  requisites 
for  the  foundation  of  a  great  Dutch  city.  On 
making  a  faithful  report,  therefore,  to  the  crew 
of  the  Goede  Vrouw,  they  one  and  all  deter- 
mined that  this  was  the  destined  end  of  their 
voyage.  Accordingly  they  descended  from  the 
Goede  Vrouw,  men,  women,  and  children,  in 
goodly  groups,  as  did  the  animals  of  yore  from 
the  ark,  and  formed  themselves  into  a  thriving 
settlement,  which  they  called  by  the  Indian  name 
COMMUNIPAW. 

As  all  the  world  is  doubtless  perfectly  ac- 
quainted with  Communipaw,  it  may  seem  some- 
what superfluous  to  treat  of  it  in  the  present 
work ;  but  my  readers  will  please  to  recollect, 
notwithstanding  it  is  my  chief  desire  to  satisfy 
the  present  age,  yet  I  write  likewise  for  posterity, 
and  have  to  consult  the  understanding  and  curi- 
osity of  some  half  a  score  of  centuries  yet  to 
come,  by  which  time,  perhaps,  were  it  not  for 
this  invaluable  history,  the  great  Communipaw, 
like  Babylon,  Carthage,  Nineveh,  and  other  great 
cities,  might  be  perfectly  extinct,  —  sunk  and  for- 
gotten in  its  own  mud,  —  its  inhabitants  turned 
into  oysters,1  and  even  its  situation  a  fertile  sub- 
ject of  learned  controversy  and  hard-headed  in- 
vestigation among  indefatigable  historians.  Let 
me  then  piously  rescue  from  oblivion  the  humble 
relics  of  a  place,  which  was  the  egg  from  whence 
was  hatched  the  mighty  city  of  New  York ! 

Communipaw  is  at  present  but  a  small  village, 
pleasantly  situated,  among  rural  scenery,  on  that 

1  Men  by  inaction  degenerate  into  oysters.— Kaimes. 


116  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

beauteous  part  of  the  Jersey  shore  which  was 
known  in  ancient  legends  by  the  name  of  Pa- 
vonia,1  and  commands  a  grand  prospect  of  the  su- 
perb bay  of  New  York.  It  is  within  but  half  an 
hour's  sail  of  the  latter  place,  provided  you  have 
a  fair  wind,  and  may  be  distinctly  seen  from  the 
city.  Nay,  it  is  a  well-known  fact,  which  I  can 
testify  from  my  own  experience,  that  on  a  clear, 
still  summer  evening,  you  may  hear,  from  the 
Battery  of  New  York,  the  obstreperous  peals  of 
broad-mouthed  laughter  of  the  Dutch  negroes  at 
Cornmunipaw,  who,  like  most  other  negroes,  are 
famous  for  their  risible  powers.  This  is  pecu- 
liarly the  case  on  Sunday  evenings,  when,  it  is 
remarked  by  an  ingenious  and  observant  philos- 
opher, who  has  made  great  discoveries  in  the 
neighborhood  of  this  city,  that  they  always  laugh 
loudest,  which  he  attributes  to  the  circumstance 
of  their  having  their  holiday  clothes  on. 

These  negroes,  in  fact,  like  the  monks  of  the 
dark  ages,  engross  all  the  knowledge  of  the  place, 
and  being  infinitely  more  adventurous  and  more 
knowing  than  then-  masters,  carry  on  all  the  for- 
eign trade ;  making  frequent  voyages  to  town  in 
canoes  loaded  with  oysters,  buttermilk,  and  cab- 
bages. They  are  great  astrologers,  predicting 
the  different  changes  of  weather  almost  as  accu- 
rately as  an  almanac ;  they  are  moreover  exqui- 
site performers  on  three-stringed  fiddles ;  in  whist- 
ling they  almost  boast  the  far-famed  powers  of 
Orpheus's  lyre,  for  not  a  horse  or  an  ox  in  the 

1  Pavonia,  in  the  ancient  maps,  is  given  to  a  tract  of  coun- 
try extending  from  about  Hoboken  to  Amboy. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  117 

place,  when  at  the  plough  or  before  the  wagon, 
will  budge  a  foot  until  he  hears  the  well-known 
whistle  of  his  black  driver  and  companion. — 
And  from  their  amazing  skill  at  casting  up  ac- 
counts upon  their  fingers,  they  are  regarded  with 
as  much  veneration  as  were  the  disciples  of  Py- 
thagoras of  yore,  when  initiated  into  the  sacred 
quaternary  of  numbers. 

As  to  the  honest  burghers  of  Communipaw,  like 
wise  men  and  sound  philosophers,  they  never  look 
beyond  their  pipes,  nor  trouble  their  heads  about 
any  affairs  out  of  their  immediate  neighborhood ; 
so  that  they  live  in  profound  and  enviable  igno- 
rance of  all  the  troubles,  anxieties,  and  revolu- 
tions of  tin's  distracted  planet.  I  am  even  told 
that  many  among  them  do  verily  believe  that 
Holland,  of  which  they  have  heard  so  much  from 
tradition,  is  situated  somewhere  on  Long  Island, 
—  that  Spiking-devil  and  the  Narrows  are  the 
two  ends  of  the  world,  —  that  the  country  is 
still  under  the  dominion  of  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses, —  and  that  the  city  of  New  York  still  goes 
by  the  name  of  Nieuw  Amsterdam.  They  meet 
every  Saturday  afternoon  at  the  only  tavern  in 
the  place,  which  bears  as  a  sign  a  square-headed 
likeness  of  the  Prince  of  Orange,  where  they 
smoke  a  silent  pipe,  by  way  of  promoting  social 
conviviality,  and  invariably  drink  a  mug  of  cider 
to  the  success  of  Admiral  Van  Tromp,  who  they 
imagine  is  still  sweeping  the  British  channel, 
with  a  broom  at  his  mast-head. 

Communipaw,  in  short,  is  one  of  the  numerous 
little  villages  in  the  vicinity  of  this  most  beauti- 


118  HISTOBY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

ful  of  cities,  which  are  so  many  strongholds  and 
fastnesses,  whither  the  primitive  manners  of  our 
Dutch  forefathers  have  retreated,  and  where  they 
are  cherished  with  devout  and  scrupulous  strict- 
ness. The  dress  of  the  original  settlers  is  1  landed 
down  inviolate,  from  father  to  son :  the  identical 
broad-brimmed  hat,  broad-skirted  coat,  and  broad- 
bottomed  breeches,  continue  from  generation  to 
generation ;  and  several  gigantic  knee-buckles  of 
massy  silver  are  still  in  wear,  that  made  gallant 
display  in  the  days  of  the  patriarchs  of  Com- 
munipaw.  The  language  likewise  continues  un- 
adulterated by  barbarous  innovations;  and  so 
critically  correct  is  the  village  schoolmaster  in  his 
dialect,  that  his  reading  of  a  Low-Dutch  psalm 
has  much  the  same  effect  on  the  nerves  as  the 
filing  of  a  handsaw. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  119 


CHAPTER   in. 


r  AV1NG,  in  the  trifling  digression  which 
concluded  the  last  chapter,  discharged 
the  filial  duty  which  the  city  of  New 
York  owed  to  Communipaw,  as  being  the  mother 
settlement,  and  having  given  a  faithful  picture 
of  it  as  it  stands  at  present,  I  return  with  a 
soothing  sentiment  of  self-approbation,  to  dwell 
upon  its  early  history.  The  crew  of  the  Goede 
Vrouw  being  soon  reinforced  by  fresh  importa- 
tions from  Holland,  the  settlement  went  jollily 
on,  increasing  in  magnitude  and  prosperity.  The 
neighboring  Indians  in  a  short  time  became  ac- 
customed to  the  uncouth  sound  of  the  Dutch 
language,  and  an  intercourse  gradually  took  place 
between  them  and  the  new  comers.  The  Indians 
were  much  given  to  long  talks,  and  the  Dutch 
to  long  silence ;  —  in  this  particular,  therefore, 
they  accommodated  each  other  completely.  The 
chiefs  would  make  long  speeches  about  the  big 
bull,  the  Wabash,  and  the  Great  Spirit,  to  which 
the  others  would  listen  very  attentively,  smoke 
their  pipes,  and  grunt  yah,  myn-her,  —  whereat 
the  poor  savages  were  wondrously  delighted. 


120  U I  STORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

They  instructed  the  new  settlers  in  the  best  art 
of  curing  and  smoking  tobacco,  while  the  latter, 
in  return,  made  them  drunk  with  true  Hollands 
—  and  then  taught  them  the  art  of  making  bar- 
gains. 

-  A  .brisk  trade  for  furs  was  soon  opened ;  the 
Dutch  traders  were  scrupulously  honest  in  their 
dealings,  and  purchased  by  weight,  establishing  it 
as  an  invariable  table  of  avoirdupois,  that  the 
hand  of  a  Dutchman  weighed  one  pound,  and  his 
foot  two  pounds.  It  is  true,  the  simple  Indians 
were  often  puzzled  by  the  great  disproportion  be- 
tween bulk  and  weight,  for  let  them  place  a  bun- 
dle of  furs,  never  so  large,  in  one  scale,  and  a 
Dutchman  put  his  hand  or  foot  in  the  other,  the 
bundle  was  sure  to  kick  the  beam ;  —  never  was 
a  package  of  furs  known  to  weigh  more  than 
two  pounds  in  the  market  of  Communipaw ! 

This  is  a  singular  fact,  —  but  I  have  it  direct 
from  my  great-great-grandfather,  who  had  risen 
to  considerable  importance  in  the  colony,  being 
promoted  to  the  office  of  weigh-master,  on  ac- 
count of  the  uncommon  heaviness  of  his  foot. 

The  Dutch  possessions  in  this  part  of  the 
globe  began  now  to  assume  a  very  thriving  ap- 
pearance, and  were  comprehended  under  the  gen- 
eral title  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  on  account,  as 
the  sage  Vander  Donck  observes,  of  their  great 
resemblance  to  the  Dutch  Netherlands,  —  which 
indeed  was  truly  remarkable,  excepting  that  the 
former  were  nigged  and  mountainous,  and  the 
latter  level  and  marshy.  About  this  time  the 
tranquillity  of  the  Dutch  colonists  was  doomed 


HISTORY   OF  NEW    YORK.  121 

to  suffer  a  temporary  interruption.  In  1614, 
Captain  Sir  Samuel  Argal,  sailing  under  a  com- 
mission from  Dale,  governor  of  Virginia,  visited 
the  Dutch  settlements  on  Hudson  River,  and 
demanded  their  submission  to  the  English  crown 
and  Virginian  dominion.  To  this  arrogant  de- 
mand, as  they  were  in  no  condition  to  resist  it, 
they  submitted  for  the  time,  like  discreet  and 
reasonable  men. 

It  does  .not  appear  that  the  valiant  Argal 
molested  the  settlement  of  Communipaw  ;  on  the 
contrary,  I  am  told  that  when  his  vessel  first 
hove  in  sight,  the  worthy  burghers  were  seized 
with  such  a  panic,  that  they  fell  to  smoking  their 
pipes  with  astonishing  vehemence  ;  insomuch  that 
they  quickly  raised  a  cloud,  which,  combining 
with  the  surrounding  woods  and  marshes,  com- 
pletely enveloped  and  concealed  their  beloved  vil- 
lage, and  overhung  the  fair  regions  of  Pavonia, 
—  so  that  the  terrible  Captain  Argal  passed  on, 
totally  unsuspicious  that  a  sturdy  little  Dutch  set- 
tlement lay  snugly  couched  in  the  mud,  under 
cover  of  all  this  pestilent  vapor.  In  commemo- 
ration of  this  fortunate  escape,  the  worthy  inhab- 
itants have  continued  to  smoke,  almost  without 
intermission,  unto  this  very  day ;  which  is  said 
to  be  the  cause  of  the  remarkable  fog  which 
often  hangs  over  Communipaw  of  a  clear  after- 
noon. 

Upon  the  departure  of  the  enemy,  our  worthy 
ancestors  took  full  six  months  to  recover  their 
wind  and  get  over  the  consternation  into  which 
they  had  been  thrown.  They  then  called  a  coun- 


122  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

cil  of  safety  to  smoke  over  the  state  of  the  prov- 
ince. At  this  council  presided  one  Oloffe  Van 
Kortlandt,  a  personage  who  was  held  in  great 
reverence  among  the  sages  of  Communipaw  for 
the  variety  and  darkness  of  his  knowledge.  He 
had  originally  been  one  of  a  set  of  peripatetic 
philosophers  who  passed  much  of  their  time 
sunning  themselves  on  the  side  of  the  great 
canal  of  Amsterdam  in  Holland;  enjoying,  like 
Diogenes,  a  free  and  unencumbered  estate  in  sun- 
shine. His  name  Kortlandt  (Shortland  or  Lack- 
land) was  supposed,  like  that  of  the  illustrious 
Jean  Sansterre,  to  indicate  that  he  had  no  land ; 
but  he  insisted,  on  the  contrary,  that  he  had 
great  landed  estates  somewhere  in  Terra  Incog- 
nita ;  and  he  had  come  out  to  the  new  world  to 
look  after  them.  He  was  the  first  great  land- 
speculator  that  we  read  of  in  these  parts. 

Like  all  land-speculators,  he  was  much  given 
to  dreaming.  Never  did  anything  extraordinary 
happen  at  Communipaw  but  he  declared  that  he 
had  previously  dreamt  it,  being  one  of  those 
infallible  prophets  who  predict  events  after  they 
have  come  to  pass.  This  supernatural  gift  was 
as  highly  valued  among  the  burghers  of  Pavonia 
as  among  the  enlightened  nations  of  antiquity. 
The  wise  Ulysses  was  more  indebted  to  his  sleep- 
ing than  his  waking  moments  for  his  most  subtle 
achievements,  and  seldom  undertook  any  great  ex- 
ploit without  first  soundly  sleeping  upon  it ;  and 
the  same  may  be  said  of  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt, 
who  was  thence  aptly  denominated  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  123 

As  yet  his  dreams  and  speculations  had  turned 
to  little  personal  profit ;  and  he  was  as  much  a 
lack -land  as  ever.  Still  he  carried  a  high  head 
in  the  community;  if  his  sugar-loaf  hat  was 
rather  the  worse  for  wear,  he  set  it  off  with  a 
taller  cock's-tail ;  if  his  shirt  was  none  of  the 
cleanest,  he  puffed  it  out  the  more  at  the  bosom ; 
and  if  the  tail  of  it  peeped  out  of  a  hole  in  his 
breeches,  it  at  least  proved  that  it  really  had  a 
tail  and  was  not  mere  ruffle. 

The  worthy  Van  Kortlandt,  in  the  council  in 
question,  urged  the  policy  of  emerging  from  the 
swamps  of  Communipaw  and  seeking  some  more 
eligible  site  for  the  seat  of  empire.  Such,  he 
said,  was  the  advice  of  the  good  St.  Nicholas,  who 
had  appeared  to  him  in  a  dream  the  night  before  ; 
and  whom  he  had  known  by  his  broad  hat,  his 
long  pipe,  and  the  resemblance  which  he  bore 
to  the  figure  on  the  bow  of  the  Goede  Vrouw. 

Many  have  thought  this  dream  was  a  mere 
invention  of  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt,  who,  it  is  said, 
had  ever  regarded  Communipaw  with  an  evil  eye 
because  he  had  arrived  there  after  all  the  land 
had  been  shared  out,  and  who  was  anxious  to 
change  the  seat  of  empire  to  some  new  place, 
where  he  might  be  present  at  the  distribution 
of  "  town  lots."  But  we  must  not  give  heed  to 
such  insinuations,  which  are  too  apt  to  be  ad- 
vanced against  those  worthy  gentlemen  engaged 
in  laying  out  towns,  and  in  other  land-specula- 
tions. For  my  own  part,  I  am  disposed  to  place 
the  same  implicit  faith  in  the  vision  of  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer  that  was  manifested  by  the  honest  burgh- 


124  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

ers  of  Communipaw,  who  one  and  all  agreed 
that  an  expedition  should  be  forthwith  fitted  out 
to  go  on  a  voyage  of  discovery  in  quest  of  a  new 
seat  of  empire. 

This  perilous  enterprise  was  to  be  conducted 
by  Oloffe  himself;  who  chose  as  lieutenants  or 
coadjutors  Mynheers  Abraham  Hardenbroeck, 
Jacobus  Van  Zandt,  and  Winant  Ten  Broeck,  — 
three  indubitably  great  men,  but  of  whose  his- 
tory, although  I  have  made  diligent  inquiry,  I 
can  learn  but  little  previous  to  their  leaving 
Holland.  Nor  need  this  occasion  much  surprise  ; 
for  adventurers,  like  prophets,  though  they  make 
great  noise  abroad,  have  seldom  much  celebrity 
in  their  own  countries  ;  but  this  much  is  cer- 
tain, that  the  overflowings  and  offscourings  of 
a  country  are  invariably  composed  of  the  rich- 
est parts  of  the  soil.  And  here  I  cannot  help 
remarking  how  convenient  it  would  be  to  many 
of  our  great  men  and  great  families  of  doubt- 
ful origin,  could  they  have  the  privilege  of  the 
heroes  of  yore,  who,  whenever  their  origin  was 
involved  in  obscurity,  modestly  announced  them- 
selves descended  from  a  god,  —  and  who  never 
visited  a  foreign  country  but  what  they  told  some 
cock-and-bull  stories  about  their  being  kings  and 
princes  at  home.  This  venal  trespass  on  the  truth, 
though  it  has  been  occasionally  played  off  by 
some  pseudo-marquis,  baronet,  and  other  illus- 
ti-ious  foreigner,  in  our  land  of  good-natured  cre- 
dulity, has  been  completely  discountenanced  in 
this  skeptical,  matter-of-fact  age;  and  I  even 
question  whether  any  tender  virgin,  who  was 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  125 

accidentally  and  unaccountably  enriched  with  a 
bantling,  would  save  her  character  at  parlor  fire- 
sides and  evening  tea-parties  by  ascribing  the 
phenomenon  to  a  swan,  a  shower  of  gold,  or  a 
river  god. 

Had  I  the  benefit  of  mythology  and  classic 
fable  above  alluded  to,  I  should  have  furnished 
the  first  of  the  trio  with  a  pedigree  equal  to  that 
of  the  proudest  hero  of  antiquity.  His  name, 
Van  Zandt,  that  is  to  say,  from  the  sand,  or,  in 
common  parlance,  from  the  dirt,  gave  reason  to 
suppose  that,  like  Triptolemus,  Themes,  the  Cy- 
clops, and  the  Titans,  he  had  sprung  from  Dame 
Terra,  or  the  earth  !  This  supposition  is  strongly 
corroborated  by  his  size,  for  it  is  well  known  that 
all  the  progeny  of  mother  earth  were  of  a  gigan- 
tic stature  ;  and  Van  Zandt,  we  are  told,  was  a 
tall,  raw-boned  man,  above  six  feet  high,  with 
an  astonishingly  hard  head.  Nor  is  this  origin 
of  the  illustrious  Van  Zandt  a  whit  more  improb- 
able or  repugnant  to  belief  than  what  is  related 
and  universally  admitted  of  certain  of  our  great- 
est, or  rather  richest  men ;  who,  we  are  told  with 
the  utmost  gravity,  did  originally  spring  from  a 
dunghill  ! 

Of  the  second  of  the  trio  but  faint  accounts 
have  reached  to  this  time,  which  mention  that  he 
was  a  sturdy,  obstinate,  worrying,  bustling  little 
man ;  and,  from  being  usually  equipped  in  an  old 
pair  of  buckskins,  was  familiarly  dubbed  Harden 
Broeck :  that  is  to  say,  Hard  in  the  Breech,  or, 
as  it  was  generally  rendered,  Tough  Breeches. 

Ten  Broeck  completed  this  junto  of  adventur- 


126  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

srs.  It  is  a  singular  but  ludicrous  fact,  —  which, 
were  I  not  scrupulous  in  recording  the  whole 
truth,  I  should  almost  be  tempted  to  pass  over  in 
silence  as  incompatible  with  the  gravity  and  dig- 
nity of  history,  —  that  this  worthy  gentleman 
should  likewise  have  been  nicknamed  from  what 
in  modern  times  is  considered  the  most  ignoble 
part  of  the  dress.  But  in  truth  the  small-clothes 
seems  to  have  been  a  very  dignified  garment  in 
the  eyes  of  our  venerated  ancestors,  in  all  prob- 
ability from  its  covering  that  part  of  the  body 
which  has  been  pronounced  "  the  seat  of  honor." 
The  name  of  Ten  Broeck,  or,  as  it  was  some- 
times spelled,  Tin  Broeck,  has  been  indifferently 
translated  into  Ten  Breeches  and  Tin  Breeches. 
Certain  elegant  and  ingenious  writers  on  the  sub- 
ject declare  in  favor  of  Tin,  or  rather  Thin 
Breeches ;  whence  they  infer  that  the  original 
bearer  of  it  was  a  poor  but  merry  rogue,  whose 
galligaskins  were  none  of  the  soundest,  and  who, 
peradventure,  may  have  been  the  author  of  that 
truly  philosophical  stanza  :  — 

"  Then  why  should  we  quarrel  for  riches, 

Or  any  such  glittering  toys  ; 
A  light  heart  and  thin pair'of  breeches, 

Will  go  through  the  world,  my  brave  boys  ! " 

The  more  accurate  commentators,  however,  de- 
clare in  favor  of  the  other  reading,  and  affirm  that 
the  worthy  in  question  was  a  burly,  bulbous  man, 
who,  in  sheer  ostentation  of  his  venerable  pro- 
genitors, was  the  first  to  introduce  into  the  settle- 
ment the  ancient  Dutch  fashion  of  ten  pair  of 
breeches. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  127 

Such  was  the  trio  of  coadjutors  chosen  by 
Oloffe  the  Dreamer  to  accompany  him  in  this 
voyage  into  unknown  realms ;  as  to  the  names 
of  his  crews,  they  have  not  been  handed  down 
by  history. 

Having,  as  I  before  observed,  passed  much  of 
his  life  in  the  open  air,  among  the  peripatetic 
philosophers  of  Amsterdam,  Oloffe  had  become 
familiar  with  the  aspect  of  the  heavens,  and 
could  as  accurately  determine  when  a  storm  was 
brewing  or  a  squall  rising,  as  a  dutiful  husband 
can  foresee,  from  the  brow  of  his  spouse,  when  a 
tempest  is  gathering  about  his  ears.  Having 
pitched  upon  a  time  for  his  voyage  when  the 
skies  appeared  propitious,  he  exhorted  all  his 
crews  to  take  a  good  night's  rest,  wind  up  their 
family  affairs,  and  make  their  wills  ;  precautions 
taken  by  our  forefathers  even  in  after-times  when 
they  became  more  adventurous,  and  voyaged  to 
Haverstraw,  or  Kaatskill,  or  Groodt  Esopus,  or 
any  other  far  country,  beyond  the  great  waters 
of  the  Tappaan  Zee. 


128  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER   IV. 


ND  now  the  rosy  blush  of  morn  began 
to  mantle  in  the  east,  and  soon  the  ris- 
ing sun,  emerging  from  amidst  golden 
and  purple  clouds,  shed  his  blithesome  rays  on 
the  tin  weathercocks  of  Communipaw.  It  was 
that  delicious  season  of  the  year,  when  nature, 
breaking  from  the  chilling  thraldom  of  old  Avin- 
ter,  like  a  blooming  damsel  from  the  tyranny  of 
a  sordid  old  father,  threw  herself,  blushing  with 
ten  thousand  charms,  into  the  arms  of  youthful 
spring.  Every  tufted  copse  and  blooming  grove 
resounded  with  the  notes  of  hymeneal  love.  The 
very  insects,  as  they  sipped  the  dew  that  gemmed 
the  tender  grass  of  the  meadows,  joined  in  the 
joyous  epithalamium,  —  the  virgin  bud  timidly 
put  forth  its  blushes,  "  the  voice  of  the  turtle  was 
heard  in  the  land,"  and  the  heart  of  man  dis- 
solved away  in  tenderness.  Oh!  sweet  Theoc- 
ritus !  had  I  thine  oaten  reed,  wherewith  thou  erst 
did  charm  the  gay  Sicilian  plains  ;  —  or,  oh  !  gen- 
tle Bion !  thy  pastoral  pipe,  wherein  the  happy 
swains  of  the  Lesbian  isle  so  much  delighted, 
then  might  I  attempt  to  sing,  in  soft  Bucolic  or 
negligent  Idyllium,  the  rural  beauties  of  the 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  129 

scene ;  —  but  having  nothing,  save  this  jaded 
goosequill,  wherewith  to  wing  my  flight,  I  must 
fain  resign  all  poetic  disportings  of  the  fancy, 
and  pursue  my  narrative  in  humble  prose ;  com- 
forting myself  with  the  hope,  that,  though  it  may 
not  steal  so  sweetly  upon  the  imagination  of  my 
reader,  yet  it  may  commend  itself  with  virgin 
modesty  to  his  better  judgment,  clothed  in  the 
chaste  and  simple  garb  of  truth. 

No  sooner  did  the  first  rays  of  cheerful  Phoe- 
bus dart  into  the  windows  of  Communipaw,  than 
the  little  settlement  was  all  in  motion.  Forth 
issued  from  his  castle  the  sage  Van  Kortlandt, 
and  seizing  a  conch  shell,  blew  a  far  resounding 
blast,  that  soon  summoned  all  his  lusty  followers. 
Then  did  they  trudge  resolutely  down  to  the 
water-side,  escorted  by  a  multitude  of  relatives 
and  friends,  who  all  went  down,  as  the  common 
phrase  expresses  it,  "  to  see  them  off."  And  this 
shows  the  antiquity  of  those  long  family  proces- 
sions, often  seen  in  our  city,  composed  of  all  ages, 
sizes,  and  sexes,  laden  with  bundles  and  band- 
boxes, escorting  some  bevy  of  country  cousins, 
about  to  depart  for  home  in  a  market-boat. 

The  good  Oloffe  bestowed  his  forces  in  a 
squadron  of  three  canoes,  and  hoisted  his  flag 
on  board  a  little  round  Dutch  boat,  shaped 
not  unlike  a  tub,  which  had  formerly  been  the 
jolly-boat  of  the  Goede  Vrouw.  And  now,  all 
being  embarked,  they  bade  farewell  to  the  gaz- 
ing throng  upon  the  beach,  who  continued  shout- 
ing after  them,  even  when  out  of  hearing,  wish- 
ing them  a  happy  voyage,  advising  them  to  take 


130  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

good  care  of  themselves  not  to  get  drowned, — 
with  an  abundance  other  of  those  sage  and  inval- 
uable cautions,  generally  given  by  landsmen  to 
such  as  go  down  to  the  sea  in  ships,  and  adven- 
ture upon  the  deep  waters.  In  the  meanwhile 
the  voyagers  cheerily  urged  their  course  across 
the  crystal  bosom  of  the  bay,  and  soon  left  be- 
hind them  the  green  shores  of  ancient  Pavonia. 

And  first  they  touched  at  two  small  islands 
which  lay  nearly  opposite  Communipaw,  and 
which  are  said  to  have  been  brought  into  exist- 
ence about  the  time  of  the  great  irruption  of  the 
Hudson,  when  it  broke  through  the  Highlands 
and  made  its  way  to  the  ocean.1  For  in  this 
tremendous  uproar  of  the  waters,  we  are  told 
that  many  huge  fragments  of  rock  and  land 
were  rent  from  the  mountains  and  swept  down 
by  this  runaway  river,  for  sixty  or  seventy  miles  ; 
where  some  of  them  ran  aground  on  the  shoals 
just  opposite  Communipaw,  and  formed  the  iden- 
tical islands  in  question,  while  others  drifted  out 
to  sea,  and  were  never  heard  of  more  !  A  suffi- 
cient proof  of  the  fact  .is,  that  the  rock  which 
forms  the  bases  of  these  islands  is  exactly  sim- 

1  It  is  a  matter  long  since  established  \>y  certain  of  our 
philosophers,  —  that  is  to  say,  having  been  often  advanced,  and 
never  contradicted,  it  has  grown  to  be  pretty  nigh  equal  to  a 
settled  fact,  —  that  the  Hudson  was  originally  a  lake  dammed 
up  by  the  mountains  of  the  Highlands.  In  process  of  time, 
however,  becoming  very  mighty  and  obstreperous,  and  the 
mountains  waxing  pursy,  dropsical,  and  weak  in  the  back,  by 
reason  of  their  extreme  old  age,  it  suddenly  rose  upon  them, 
and  after  a  violent  struggle  effected  its  escape.  This  is  said 
to  have  come  to  pass  in  very  remote  time,  probably  before 
that  rivers  had  lost  the  art  of  funning  uphill.  The  foregoing 
is  a  theory  in  which  I  do  not  pretend  to  be  skilled,  notwith- 
standing that  I  do  fully  give  it  my  belief. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  131 

ilar  to  that  of  the  Highlands,  and,  moreover,  one 
of  our  philosophers,  who  has  diligently  compared 
the  agreement  of  their  respective  surfaces,  has 
even  gone  so  far  as  to  assure  me,  in  confidence, 
that  Gibbet  Island  was  originally  nothing  more 
nor  less  than  a  wart  on  Anthony's  nose.1 

Leaving  these  wonderful  little  isles,  they  next 
coasted  by  Governor's  Island,  since  terrible  from 
its  frowning  fortress  and  grinning  batteries. 
They  would  by  no  means,  however,  land  upon 
this  island,  since  they  doubted  much  it  might  be 
the  abode  of  demons  and  spirits,  which  in  those 
days  did  greatly  abound  throughout  this  savage 
and  pagan  country. 

Just  at  this  time  a  shoal  of  jolly  porpoises 
came  rolling  and  tumbling  by,  turning  up  their 
sleek  sides  to  the  sun,  and  spouting  up  the  briny 
element  in  sparkling  showers.  No  sooner  did 
the  sage  Oloffe  mark  this  than  he  was  greatly  re- 
joiced. "  This,"  exclaimed  he,  "  if  I  mistake 
not,  augurs  well :  the  porpoise  is  a  fat,  well- 
conditioned  fish,  —  a  burgomaster  among  fishes, — 
his  looks  betoken  ease,  plenty,  and  prosperity ;  I 
greatly  admire  this  round  fat  fish,  and  doubt  not 
but  this  is  a  happy  omen  of  the  success  of  our 
undertaking."  So  saying,  he  directed  his  squad- 
ron to  steer  in  the  track  of  these  alderman  fishes. 

Turning,  therefore,  directly  to  the  left,  they 
swept  up  the  strait  vulgarly  called  the  East 
River.  And  here  the  rapid  tide  which  courses 
through  this  strait,  seizing  on  the  gallant  tub  in 
which  Commodore  Van  Kortlandt  had  embarked, 
1  A  promontory  in  the  Highlands. 


132  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

hurried  it  forward  with  a  velocity  unparalleled  in 
a  Dutch  boat,  navigated  by  Dutchmen ;  insomuch 
that  the  good  commodore,  who  had  all  his  life- 
long been  accustomed  only  to  the  drowsy  naviga- 
tion of  canals,  was  more  than  ever  convinced  that 
they  were  in  the  hands  of  some  supernatural 
power,  and  that  the  jolly  porpoises  were  towing 
them  to  some  fair  haven  that  was  to  fulfil  all 
their  wishes  and  expectations. 

Thus  borne  away  by  the  resistless  current, 
they  doubled  that  boisterous  point  of  land  since 
called  Corlear's  Hook,1  and  leaving  to  the  right 
the  rich  winding  cove  of  the  Wallabout,  they 
drifted  into  a  magnificent  expanse  of  water,  sur- 
rounded by  pleasant  shores,  whose  verdure  was 
exceedingly  refreshing  to  the  eye.  While  the 
voyagers  were  looking  around  them,  on  what 
they  conceived  to  be  a  serene  and  sunny  lake, 
they  beheld  at  a  distance  a  crew  of  painted  sav- 
ages, busily  employed  in  fishing,  who  seemed 
more  like  the  genii  of  this  romantic  region, — 
their  slender  canoe  lightly  balanced  like  a  feather 
on  the  undulating  surface  of  the  bay. 

At  sight  of  these  the  hearts  of  the  heroes  of 
Communipaw  were  not  a  little  troubled.  But  as 
good-fortune  would  have  it,  at  the  bow  of  the 
commodore's  boat  was  stationed  a  very  valiant 
man,  named  Hendrick  Kip  (which,  being  inter- 
preted, means  chicken,  a  name  given  him  in 
token  of  his  courage).  No  sooner  did  he  behold 
these  varlet  heathens  than  he  trembled  with  ex- 
cessive valor,  and  although  a  good  half-mile  dis- 
1  Properly  spelt  hoeck  (i.  e.  a  point  of  land). 


HISTORY   OF  NEW    YORK.  133 

tant,  he  seized  a  musketoon  that  lay  at  hand,  and 
turning  away  his  head,  fired  it  most  intrepidly 
in  the  face  of  the  blessed  sun.  The  blundering 
weapon  recoiled  and  gave  the  valiant  Kip  an 
ignominious  kick,  which  laid  him  prostrate  with 
uplifted  heels  in  the  bottom  of  the  boat.  But 
such  was  the  effect  of  this  tremendous  fire,  that 
the  wild  men  of  the  woods,  struck  with  conster- 
nation, seized  hastily  upon  their  paddles,  and  shot 
away  into  one  of  the  deep  inlets  of  the  Long 
Island  shore. 

This  signal  victory  gave  new  spirits  to  the 
voyagers  ;  and  in  honor  of  the  achievement  -they 
gave  the  name  of  the  valiant  Kip  to  the  sur- 
rounding bay,  and  it  has  continued  to  be  called 
KIP'S  BAY  from  that  time  to  the  present.  The 
heart  of  the  good  Van  Kortlandt  —  who,  having 
no  land  of  his  own,  was  a  great  admirer  of  other 
people's  —  expanded  to  the  full  size  of  a  pepper- 
corn at  the  sumptuous  prospect  of  rich  unsettled 
country  around  him,  and  falling  into  a  delicious 
revery,  he  straightway  began  to  riot  in  the  pos- 
session of  vast  meadows  of  salt  marsh  and  inter- 
minable patches  of  cabbages.  From  this  delec- 
table vision  he  was  all  at  once  awakened  by  the 
sudden  turning  of  the  tide,  which  would  soon 
have  hurried  him  from  this  land  of  promise,  had 
not  the  discreet  navigator  given  signal  to  steer 
for  shore  ;  where  they  accordingly  landed  hard 
by  the  rocky  heights  of  Bellevue,  —  that  happy 
retreat,  where  our  jolly  aldermen  eat  for  the 
good  of  the  city,  and  fatten  the  turtle  that  are 
sacrificed  on  civic  solemnities. 


134  HISTORY   OF   NEW  YORK. 

Here,  seated  on  the  greensward,  by  the  side  of 
a  small  stream  that  ran  sparkling  among  the 
grass,  they  refreshed  themselves  after  the  toils  of 
the  seas,  by  feasting  lustily  on  the  ample  stores 
which  they  had  provided  for  this  perilous  voy- 
age. Thus  having  well  fortified  their  delibera- 
tive powers,  they  fell  into  an  earnest  consultation, 
what  was  farther  to  be  done.  This  was  the  first 
council-dinner  ever  eaten  at  Bellevue  by  Chris- 
tian burghers ;  and  here,  as  tradition  relates,  did 
originate  the  great  family  feud  between  the  Har- 
denbroecks  and  the  Tenbroecks,  which  after- 
wards had  a  singular  influence  on  the  building 
of  the  city.  The  sturdy  Hardenbroeck,  whose 
eyes  had  been  wondrously  delighted  with  the 
salt  marshes  which  spread  their  reeking  bosoms 
along  the  coast,  at  the  bottom  of  Kip's  Bay,  coun- 
selled by  all  means  to  return  thither,  and  found 
the  intended  city.  This  was  strenuously  opposed 
by  the  unbending  Ten  Broeck,  and  many  testy 
arguments  passed  between  them.  The  particu- 
lars of  this  controversy  have  not  reached  us, 
which  is  ever  to  be  lamented ;  this  much  is  cer- 
tain, that  the  sage  Oloffe  put  an  end  to  the 
dispute  by  determining  to  explore  still  farther 
in  the  route  which  the  mysterious  porpoises  had 
so  clearly  pointed  out ;  —  whereupon  the  sturdy 
Tough  Breeches  abandoned  the  expedition,  took 
possession  of  a  neighboring  hill,  and  in  a  fit  of 
great  wrath  peopled  all  that  tract  of  country, 
which  has  continued  to  be  inhabited  by  the  Har- 
denbroecks  unto  this  very  day. 

By  this  time  the  jolly  Phoebus,  like  some  wan- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  135 

ton  urchin  sporting  on  the  side  of  a  green  hill, 
began  to  roll  down  the  declivity  of  the  heavens ; 
and  now,  the  tide  having  once  more  turned  in 
their  favor,  the  Pavonians  again  committed  them- 
selves to  its  discretion,  and  coasting  along  the 
western  shores,  were  borne  towards  the  straits 
of  Blackwell's  Island. 

And  here  the  capricious  wanderings  of  the 
current  occasioned  not  a  little  marvel  and  per- 
plexity to  these  illustrious  mariners.  Now 
would  they  be  caught  by  the  wanton  eddies,  and, 
sweeping  round  a  jutting  point,  would  wind  deep 
into  some  romantic  little  cove,  that  indented  the 
fair  island  of  Manna  hatta ;  now  were  they  hur- 
ried narrowly  by  the  very  bases  of  impending 
rocks,  mantled  with  the  flaunting  grape-vine,  and 
crowned  with  groves  which  threw  a  broad 
shade  on  the  waves  beneath ;  and  anon  they 
were  borne  away  into  the  mid-channel  and 
wafted  along  with  a  rapidity  that  very  much 
discomposed  the  sage  Van  Kortlandt,  who,  as 
he  saw  the  land  swiftly  receding  on  either  side, 
began  exceedingly  to  doubt  that  terra  firma  was 
giving  them  the  slip. 

Wherever  the  voyagers  turned  their  eyes,  a 
new  creation  seemed  to  bloom  around.  No  signs 
of  human  thrift  appeared  to  check  the  delicious 
wildness  of  nature,  who  here  revelled  in  all  her 
luxuriant  variety.  Those  hills,  now  bristled,  like 
the  fretful  porcupine,  with  rows  of  poplars,  (vain 
upstart  plants !  minions  of  wealth  and  fashion !) 
were  then  adorned  with  the  vigorous  natives  of 
the  soil :  the  lordly  oak,  the  generous  chestnut, 


136  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  graceful  elm, — while  here  and  there  the 
tulip-tree  reared  its  majestic  head,  the  giant  of 
the  forest.  Where  now  are  seen  the  gay  re- 
treats of  luxury,  —  villas  half  buried  in  twilight 
bowers,  whence  the  amorous  flute  oft  breathes 
the  sighings  of  some  city  swain,  —  there  the  fish- 
hawk  built  his  solitary  nest  on  some  dry  tree 
that  overlooked  his  watery  domain.  The  timid 
deer  fed  undisturbed  along  those  shores  now 
hallowed  by  the  lovers'  moonlight  walk,  and 
printed  by  the  slender  foot  of  beauty ;  and  a 
savage  solitude  extended  over  those  happy  re- 
gions, where  now  are  reared  the  stately  towers 
of  the  Joneses,  the  Schermerhornes,  and  the 
Rhinelanders. 

Thus  gliding  in  silent  wonder  through  these 
new  and  unknown  scenes,  the  gallant  squadron 
of  Pavonia  swept  by  the  foot  of  a  promontory, 
which  strutted  forth  boldly  into  the  waves,  and 
seemed  to  frown  upon  them  as  they  brawled 
against  its  base.  This  is  the  bluff  well  known 
to  modern  mariners  by  the  name  of  Gracie's 
Point,  from  the  fair  castle  which,  like  an  elephant, 
it  carries  upon  its  back.  And  here  broke  upon 
their  view  a  wild  and  varied  prospect,  where  land 
and  water  were  beauteously  intermingled,  as 
though  they  had  combined  to  heighten  and  set 
off  each  other's  charms.  To  the  right  lay  the 
sedgy  point  of  BlackwelTs  Island,  drest  in  the 
fresh  garniture  of  living  green,  —  beyond  it 
stretched  the  pleasant  coast  of  Sundswick,  and 
the  small  harbor  well  known  by  the  name  of 
Ballet's  Cove,  —  a  place  infamous  hi  latter  days, 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  137 

by  reason  of  its  being  the  haunt  of  pirates  who 
infest  these  seas,  robbing  orchards  and  water- 
melon patches,  and  insulting  gentlemen  naviga- 
tors, when  voyaging  in  their  pleasure-boats.  To 
the  left  a  deep  bay,  or  rather  creek,  gracefully 
receded  between  shores  fringed  with  forests,  and 
forming  a  kind  of  vista,  through  which  were  be- 
held the  silvan  regions  of  Haerlem,  Morrisania, 
and  East  Chester.  Here  the  eye  reposed  with 
delight  on  a.  richly  wooded  country,  diversified 
by  tufted  knolls,  shadowy  intervals,  and  waving 
lines  of  upland,  swelling  above  each  other,  while 
over  the  whole  the  purple  mists  of  spring  dif- 
fused a  hue  of  soft  voluptuousness. 

Just  before  them  the  grand  course  of  the 
stream,  making  a  sudden  bend,  wound  among 
embowered  promontories  and  shores  of  emerald 
verdure,  that  seemed  to  melt  into  the  wave.  A 
character  of  gentleness  and  mild  fertility  pre- 
vailed around.  The  sun  had  just  descended,  and 
the  thin  haze  of  twilight,  like  a  transparent  veil 
drawn  over  the  bosom  of  virgin  beauty,  height- 
ened the  charms  which  it  half  concealed. 

Ah !  witching  scenes  of  foul  delusion.  Ah ! 
hapless  voyagers,  gazing  with  simple  wonder  on 
these  Circean  shores !  Such,  alas !  are  they, 
poor  easy  souls,  who  listen  to  the  seductions  of  a 
wicked  world,  —  treacherous  are  its  smiles  !  fatal 
its  caresses.  He  who  yields  to  its  enticements 
launches  upon  a  whelming  tide,  and  trusts  his 
feeble  bark  among  the  dimpling  eddies  of  a 
whirlpool !  And  thus  it  fared  with  the  worthies 
of  Pavonia,  who,  little  mistrusting  the  guileful 


138  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

scene  before  them,  drifted  quietly  on,  until  they 
were  aroused  by  an  uncommon  tossing  and  agita- 
tion of  their  vessels.  For  now  the  late  dimpling 
current  began  to  brawl  around  them,  and  the 
waves  to  boil  and  foam  with  horrific  fury. 
Awakened  as  if  from  a  dream,  the  astonished 
Oloffe  bawled  aloud  to  put  about,  but  his  words 
were  lost  amid  the  roaring  of  the  waters.  And 
now  ensued  a  scene  of  direful  consternation.  At 
one  time  they  were  borne  with  dreadful  velocity 
among  tumultuous  breakers ;  at  another,  hurried 
down  boisterous  rapids.  Now  they  were  nearly 
dashed  upon  the  Hen  and  Chickens  ;  (infamous 
rocks !  —  more  voracious  than  Scylla  and  her 
whelps ;)  and  anon  they  seemed  sinking  into 
/awning  gulfs,  that  threatened  to  entomb  them 
beneath  the  waves.  All  the  elements  combined 
to  produce  a  hideous  confusion.  The  waters 
raged,  the  winds  howled;  and  as  they  were 
hurried  alon^,  several  of  the  astonished  mariners 
beheld  the  rocks  and  trees  of  the  neighboring 
shores  driving  through  the  air  ! 

At  length  the  mighty  tub  of  Commodore  Van 
Kortlandt  was  drawn  into  the  vortex  of  that  tre- 
mendous whirlpool  called  the  Pot,  where  it  was 
whirled  about  in  giddy  mazes,  until  the  senses  of 
the  good  commander  and  his  crew  were  over- 
powered by  the  horror  of  the  scene,  and  the 
strangeness  of  the  revolution. 

How  the  gallant  squadron  of  Pavonia  was 
snatched  from  the  jaws  of  this  modern  Chary  b- 
dis,  has  never  been  truly  made  known,  for  so 
many  survived  to  tell  the  tale,  and,  what  is  still 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  139 

more  wonderful,  told  it  in  so  many  different  ways, 
that  there  has  ever  prevailed  a  great  variety  of 
opinions  on  the  subject. 

As  to  the  commodore  and  his  crew,  when  they 
came  to  their  senses,  they  found  themselves 
stranded  on  the  Long  Island  shore.  The  worthy 
commodore,  indeed,  used  to  relate  many  and 
wonderful  stories  of  his  adventures  in  this  time 
of  peril :  how  that  he  saw  spectres  flying  in  the 
air,  and  heard  the  yelling  of  hobgoblins,  and  put 
his  hand  into  the  pot  when  they  were  whirled 
round,  and  found  the  water  scalding  hot,  and  be- 
held several  uncouth-looking  beings  seated  on 
rocks  and  skimming  it  with  huge  ladles ;  but 
particularly  he  declared  with  great  exultation, 
that  he  saw  the  losel  porpoises,  which  had  be- 
trayed them  into  this  peril,  some  broiling  on  the 
Gridiron,  and  others  hissing  on  the  Frying-pan ! 

These,  however,  were  considered  by  many  as 
mere  fantasies  of  the  commodore,  while  he  lay  in 
a  trance ;  especially  as  he  was  known  to  be 
given  to  dreaming ;  and  the  truth  of  them  has 
never  been  clearly  ascertained.  It  is  certain, 
however,  that  to  the  accounts  of  Oloffe  and  his 
followers  may  be  traced  the  various  traditions 
handed  down  of  this  marvellous  strait :  as  how 
the  devil  has  been  seen  there,  sitting  astride  of 
the  Hog's  Back  and  playing  on  the  fiddle,  — 
how  he  broils  fish  there  before  a  storm ;  and 
many  other  stories  in  which  we  must  be  cau- 
tious of  putting  too  much  faith.  In  consequence 
of  all  these  terrific  circumstances,  the  Pavonian 
commander  gave  this  pass  the  name  of  Hette-gat, 


140  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

or,  as  it  has  been  interpreted,  Hell- Gate;'1  which 
it  continues  to  bear  at  the  present  day. 

1  This  is  a  narrow  strait  in  the  Sound,  at  the  distance  of  six 
miles  above  New  York.  It  is  dangerous  to  shipping,  unless 
under  the  care  of  skilful  pilots,  by  reason  of  numerous  rocks, 
shelves,  and  whirlpools.  These  have  received  sundry  appel- 
lations, such  as  the  Gridiron,  Frying-pan,  Hog's  Back,  Pot,  &c., 
and  are  very  violent  and  turbulent  at  certain  times  of  tide. 
Certain  mealy-mouthed  men,  of  squeamish  consciences,  who 
are  loth  to  give  the  Devil  his  due,  have  softened  the  above 
characteristic  name  into  /fa»-/-gate,  forsooth !  Let  those  take 
care  how  they  venture  into  the  Gate,  or  they  mav  be  hurled 
into  the  Pot  before  they  are  aware  of  it.  The  name  of  this 
strait,  as  given  bv  our  author,  is  supported  by  the  map  in 
Vander  Donck's  history,  published  in  1656,  —  by  Ogilvie's 
History  of  America,  1671,  —  as  also  by  a  journal  still  extant, 
written  in  the  16th  century,  and  to  be  found  in  Hazard's  State 
Papers.  And  an  old  MS.  written  in  French,  speaking  of  va- 
rious alterations  in  names  about  this  city,  observes,  "  De  Helle- 
gat,  trou  d'Eufer,  ils  ont  fait  Hell-gate,  Porte  d'Enfer." 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  141 


CHAPTER  V. 

HOW  THE  HEROES  OF  COMMUNIPAW  RETURNED  SOMEWHAT  WISER  THAN 
THEY  WENT — AND  HOW  THE  SACK  OLOFFE  DKEAMED  A  DREAM  — 
AND  THE  DREAM  THAT  HE  DREAMED. 

HE  darkness  of  night  had  closed  upon 
this  disastrous  day,  and  a  doleful  night 
was  it  to  the  shipwrecked  Pavonians, 
whose  ears  were  incessantly  assailed  with  the 
raging  of  the  elements,  and  the  howling  of  the 
hobgoblins  that  infested  this  perfidious  strait. 
But  when  the  morning  dawned,  the  horrors  of 
the  preceding  evening  had  passed  away  ;  rapids, 
breakers,  and  whirlpools  had  disappeared ;  the 
stream  again  ran  smooth  and  dimpling,  and 
having  changed  its  tide,  rolled  gently  back,  to- 
wards the  quarter  where  lay  their  much-regret- 
ted home. 

The  woe-begone  heroes  of  Communipaw  eyed 
each  other  with  rueful  countenances  ;  their  squad- 
ron had  been  totally  dispersed  by  the  late  disas- 
ter. Some  were  cast  upon  the  western  shore, 
where,  headed  by  one  Ruleff  Hopper,  they  took 
possession  of  all  the  country  lying  about  the  six- 
mile  stone;  which  is  held  by  the  Hoppers  at 
this  present  writing. 

The  Waldrons  were  driven  by  stress  of 
weather  to  a  distant  coast,  where,  having  with 


142  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

them  a  jug  of  genuine  Hollands,  they  were 
enabled  to  conciliate  the  savages,  setting  up  a 
kind  of  tavern ;  whence,  it  is  said,  did  spring  the 
fair  town  of  Haerlem,  in  which  their  descendants 
have  ever  since  continued  to  be  reputable  publi- 
cans. As  to  the  Suydams,  they  were  thrown 
upon  the  Long  Island  coast,  and  may  still  be 
found  in  those  parts.  But  the  most  singular 
luck  attended  the  great  Ten  Broeck,  who,  falling 
overboard,  was  miraculously  preserved  from  sink- 
ing by  the  multitude  of  his  nether  garments. 
Thus  buoyed  up,  he  floated  on  the  waves  like 
a  merman,  or  like  an  angler's  dobber,  until  he 
landed  safely  on  a  rock,  where  he  was  found  the 
next  morning,  busily  drying  his  many  breeches  in 
the  sunshine. 

I  forbear  to  treat  of  the  long  consultation  of 
Oloffe  with  his  remaining  followers,  in  which 
they  determined  that  it  would  never  do  to  found 
a  city  in  so  diabolical  a  neighborhood.  Suffice 
it  in  simple  brevity  to  say,  that  they  once  more 
committed  themselves,  with  fear  and  trembling, 
to  the  briny  elements,  and  steered  their  course 
back  again  through  the  scenes  of  their  yester- 
day's voyage,  determined  no  longer  to  roam  in 
search  of  distant  sites,  but  to  settle  themselves 
down  in  the  marshy  regions  of  Pavonia. 

Scarce,  however,  had  they  gained  a  distant 
view  of  Communipaw,  when  they  were  encoun- 
tered by  an  obstinate  eddy,  which  opposed  their 
homeward  voyage.  Weary  and  dispirited  as  they 
were,  they  yet  tugged  a  feeble  oar  against  the 
stream ;  until,  as  if  to  settle  the  strife,  half  a 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  143 

score  of  potent  billows  rolled  the  tub  of  Com- 
modore Van  Kortlandt  high  and  dry  on  the  long 
point  of  an  island  which  divided  the  bosom  of 
the  bay. 

Some  pretend  that  these  billows  were  sent  by 
old  Neptune  to  strand  the  expedition  on  a  spot 
whereon  was  to  be  founded  his  stronghold  in 
this  western  world ;  others,  more  pious,  attribute 
everything  to  the  guardianship  of  the  good  St. 
Nicholas ;  and  after-events  will  be  found  to  cor- 
roborate this  opinion.  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt  was 
a  devout  trencherman.  Every  repast  was  a  kind 
of  religious  rite  with  him  ;  and  his  first  thought 
on  finding  him  once  more  on  dry  ground,  was, 
how  he  should  contrive  to  celebrate  his  wonderful 
escape  from  Hell-gate  and  all  its  horrors  by  a 
solemn  banquet.  The  stores  which  had  been 
provided  for  the  voyage  by  the  good  housewives 
of  Communipaw  were  nearly  exhausted,  but,  in 
casting  his  eyes  about,  the  commodore  beheld 
that  the  shore  abounded  with  oysters.  A  great 
store  of  these  was  instantly  collected ;  a  fire  was 
made  at  the  foot  of  a  tree;  all  hands  fell  to 
roasting  and  broiling  and  stewing  and  frying, 
and  a  sumptuous  repast  was  soon  set  forth.  This 
is  thought  to  be  the  origin  of  those  civic  feasts 
with  which,  to  the  present  day,  all  our  public 
affairs  are  celebrated,  and  in  which  the  oyster  is 
ever  sure  to  play  an  important  part. 

On  the  present  occasion,  the  worthy  Van 
Kortlandt  was  observed  to  be  particularly  zeal- 
ous in  his  devotions  to  the  trencher ;  for  having 
the  cares  of  the  expedition  especially  committed 


144  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

to  his  care,  he  deemed  it  incumbent  on  him  to 
eat  profoundly  for  the  public  good.  In  propor- 
tion as  he  filled  himself  to  the  very  brim  with 
the  dainty  viands  before  him,  did  the  heart  of 
this  excellent  burgher  rise  up  towards  his  throat, 
until  he  seemed  crammed  and  almost  choked 
with  good  eating  and  good-nature.  And  at  such 
times  it  is,  when  a  man's  heart  is  in  his  throat, 
that  he  may  more  truly  be  said  to  speak  from  it, 
and  his  speeches  abound  with  kindness  and  good 
fellowship.  Thus  having  swallowed  the  last  pos- 
sible morsel,  and  washed  it  down  with  a  fervent 
potation,  Oloffe  felt  his  heart  yearning,  and  his 
whole  frame  in  a  manner  dilating  with  unbounded 
benevolence.  Everything  around  him  seemed 
excellent  and  delightful ;  and  laying  his  hands 
on  each  side  of  his  capacious  periphery,  and  roll- 
ing his  half-closed  eyes  around  on  the  beautiful 
diversity  of  land  and  water  before  him,  he  ex- 
claimed, in  a  fat  half-smothered  voice,  "  What  a 
charming  prospect !  "  The  words  died  away  in  his 
throat,  —  he  seemed  to  ponder  on  the  fair  scene 
for  a  moment,  —  his  eyelids  heavily  closed  over 
their  orbs,  —  his  head  drooped  upon  his  bosom,- — 
he  slowly  sank  upon  the  green  turf,  and  a  deep 
sleep  stole  gradually  over  him. 

And  the  sage  Oloffe  dreamed  a  dream,  —  and 
lo,  the  good  St.  Nicholas  came  riding  over  the 
tops  of  the  trees,  in  that  self-same  wagon  wherein 
he  brings  his  yearly  presents  to  children,  and  he 
descended  hard  by  where  the  heroes  of  Commu- 
nipaw  had  made  their  late  repast.  And  he  lit 
his  pipe  by  the  fire,  and  sat  himself  down  and 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  145 

smoked ;  and  as  he  smoked,  the  smoke  from  his 
pipe  ascended  into  the  air  and  spread  like  a  cloud 
overhead.  And  Oloffe  bethought  him,  and  he 
hastened  and  climbed  up  to  the  top  of  one  of 
the  tallest  trees,  and  saw  that  the  smoke  spread 
over  a  great  extent  of  country ;  and  as  he  con- 
sidered it  more  attentively,  he  fancied  that  the 
great  volume  of  smoke  assumed  a  variety  of 
marvellous  forms,  where  in  dim  obscurity  he  saw 
shadowed  out  palaces  and  domes  and  lofty  spires, 
all  of  which  lasted  but  a  moment,  and  then  faded 
away,  until  the  whole  rolled  off,  and  nothing  but 
the  green  woods  were  left.  And  when  St.  Nich- 
olas had  smoked  his  pipe,  he  twisted  it  in  his  hat- 
band, and  laying  his  finger  beside  his  nose,  gave 
the  astonished  Van  Kortlandt  a  very  significant 
look  ;  then,  mounting  his  wagon,  he  returned  over 
the  tree-tops  and  disappeared. 

And  Van  Kortlandt  awoke  from  his  sleep 
greatly  instructed  ;  and  he  aroused  his  companions, 
and  related  to  them  his  dream,  and  interpreted 
it,  that  it  was  the  will  of  St.  Nicholas  that  they 
should  settle  down  and  build  the  city  here ;  and 
that  the  smoke  of  the  pipe  was  a  type  how  vast 
would  be  the  extent  of  the  city,  inasmuch  as 
the  volumes  of  its  smoke  would  spread  over  a 
wide  extent  of  country.  And  they  all  with  one 
voice  assented  to  this  interpretation,  excepting 
Mynheer  Ten  Broeck,  who  declared  the  meaning 
to  be  that  it  would  be  a  city  wherein  a  little  fire 
would  occasion  a  great  smoke,  or,  in  other  words, 
a  very  vaporing  little  city  ;  —  both  which  inter- 
pretations have  strangely  come  to  pass  ! 
10 


146  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

The  great  object  of  their  perilous  expedition, 
therefore,  being  thus  happily  accomplished,  the 
voyagers  returned  merrily  to  Communipaw,  — 
where  they  were  received  with  great  rejoicings. 
And  here,  calling  a  general  meeting  of  all  the 
wise  men  and  the  dignitaries  of  Pavonia,  they 
related  the  whole  history  of  their  voyage,  and  of 
the  dream  of  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt.  And  the 
people  lifted  up  their  voices  and  blessed  the  good 
St.  Nicholas ;  and  from  that  time  forth  the  sage 
Van  Kortlandt  was  held  in  more  honor  than 
ever,  for  his  great  talent  at  dreaming,  and  was 
pronounced  a  most  useful  citizen  and  a  right  good 
man  —  when  he  was  asleep. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  147 


CHAPTER   VI. 


IE  original  name  of  the  island,  where- 
on the  squadron  of  Communipaw  was 
thus  propitiously  thrown,  is  a  matter  of 
some  dispute,  and  has  already  undergone  consid- 
erable vitiation,  —  a  melancholy  proof  of  the  in- 
stability of  all  sublunary  things,  and  the  vanity 
of  all  our  hopes  of  lasting  fame  ;  for  who  can 
expect  his  name  will  live  to  posterity,  when  even 
the  names  of  mighty  islands  are  thus  soon  lost 
in  contradiction  and  uncertainty  ! 

The  name  most  current  at  the  present  day, 
and  which  is  likewise  countenanced  by  the  great 
historian  Vander  Donck,  is  MANHATTAN  ;  which 
is  said  to  have  originated  in  a  custom  among 
the  squaws,  in  the  early  settlement,  of  wearing 
men's  hats,  as  is  still  done  among  many  tribes. 
"  Hence,"  as  we  are  told  by  an  old  governor  who 
was  somewhat  of  a  wag,  and  flourished  almost  a 
century  since,  and  had  paid  a  visit  to  the  wits  of 
Philadelphia,  —  "hence  arose  the  appellation  of 
man-hat-on,  first  given  to  the  Indians,  and  after- 
wards to  the  island,"  —  a  stupid  joke  !  but  well 
enough  for  a  governor. 


148  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Among  the  more  venerable  sources  of  infor- 
mation on  this  subject  is  that  valuable  history 
of  the  American  possessions,  written  by  Master 
Richard  Blome,  in  1687,  wherein  it  is  called 
Manhadaes  and  Manahanent ;  nor  must  I  forget 
the  excellent  little  book,  full  of  precious  matter, 
of  that  authentic  historian  John  Josselyn,  Gent., 
who  expressly  calls  it  Manadaes. 

Another  etymology,  still  more  ancient,  and 
sanctioned  by  the  countenance  of  our  ever-to-be- 
lamented  Dutch  ancestors,  is  that  found  in  certain 
letters  still  extant,1  which  passed  between  the 
early  governors  and  their  neighboring  powers, 
wherein  it  is  called  indifferently  Monhattoes, 
Munhatos,  and  Manhattoes,  which  are  evidently 
unimportant  variations  of  the  same  name ;  for 
our  wise  forefathers  set  little  store  by  those  nice- 
ties either  in  orthography  or  orthoepy,  which 
form  the  sole  study  and  ambition  of  many 
learned  men  and  women  of  this  hypercritical  age. 
This  last  name  is  said  to  be  derived  from  the 
great  Indian  spirit  Manetho,  who  was  supposed 
to  make  this  island  his  favorite  abode,  on  account 
of  its  uncommon  delights.  For  the  Indian  tra- 
ditions affirm  that  the  bay  was  once  a  translucid 
lake,  filled  with  silver  and  golden  fish,  in  the 
midst  of  which  lay  this  beautiful  island,  covered 
with  every  variety  of  fruits  and  flowers ;  but 
that  the  sudden  irruption  of  the  Hudson  laid 
waste  these  blissful  scenes,  and  Manetho  took  his 
flight  beyond  the  great  waters  of  Ontario. 

These,  however,  are  very  fabulous  legends,  to 
i  Vide  Hazard's  Col.  Stat.  Pap. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  149 

which  very  cautious  credence  must  be  given ; 
and  though  I  am  willing  to  admit  the  last-quoted 
orthography  of  the  name  as  very  fit  for  prose, 
yet  is  there  another  which  I  peculiarly  delight 
in,  as  at  once  poetical,  melodious,  and  significant, 
and  which  we  have  on  the  authority  of  master 
Juet ;  who,  in  his  account  of  the  voyage  of  the 
great  Hudson,  calls  this  MANNA-HATA,  that  is 
to  say,  the  island  of  manna,  or,  in  other  words, 
a  land  flowing  with  milk  and  honey. 

Still,  my  deference  to  the  learned  obliges  me 
to  notice  the  opinion  of  the  worthy  Dominie 
Heckwelder,  which  ascribes  the  name  to  a  great 
drunken  bout  held  on  the  island  by  the  Dutch 
discoverers,  whereat  they  made  certain  of  the 
natives  most  ecstatically  drunk  for  the  first  time 
in  their  lives ;  who,  being  delighted  with  their 
jovial  entertainment,  gave  the  place  the  name  of 
Mannahattanink,  that  is  to  say,  The  Island  of 
Jolly  Topers  :  a  name  which  it  continues  to  merit 
to  the  present  day.1 

'  1  MSS.  of  the  Rev.  John  Heckwelder,  in  the  archives  of  the 
New  York  Historical  Society. 


150  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER  VH. 

IOW  THE  PEOPLE  OP  PAVONIA  MIGRATED  FROM  COMMCNIPAW  TO  THE 
ISLAND  OF  MANNA-HAT  A— AND  HOW  OLOFFE  THE  DREAMER  PROVED 
HIMSELF  A  GREAT  LAND-SPECCLATOR. 

\T  having  been  solemnly  resolved  that  the 
seat  of  empire  should  be  removed  from 
the  green  shores  of  Pavonia  to  the 
pleasant  island  of  Manna-hata,  everybody  was 
anxious  to  embark  under  the  standard  of  Oloffe 
the  Dreamer,  and  to  be  among  the  first  sharers 
of  the  promised  land.  A  day  was  appointed  for 
the  grand  migration,  and  on  that  day  little  Com- 
munipaw  was  in  a  buzz  and  a  bustle  like  a  hive 
in  swarming-time.  Houses  were  turned  inside 
out  and  stripped  of  the  venerable  furniture  which 
had  come  from  Holland;  all  the  community, 
great  and  small,  black  and  white,  man,  woman, 
and  child,  was  in  commotion,  forming  lines  from 
the  houses  to  the  water-side,  like  lines  of  ants 
from  an  ant-hill ;  everybody  laden  with  some  ar- 
ticle of  household  furniture ;  while  busy  house- 
wives plied  backwards  and  forwards  along  the 
lines,  helping  everything  forward  by  the  nimble- 
ness  of  their  tongues. 

By  degrees  a  fleet  of  boats  and  canoes  were 
piled  up  with  all  kinds  of  household  articles: 
ponderous  tables ;  chests  of  drawers  resplendent 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  151 

with  brass  ornaments  ;  quaint  corner-cupboards ; 
beds  and  bedsteads ;  with  any  quantity  of  pots, 
kettles,  frying-pans,  and  Dutch  ovens.  In  each 
boat  embarked  a  whole  family,  from  the  robus- 
tious burgher  down  to  the  cats  and  dogs  and 
little  negroes.  In  this  way  they  set  off  across 
the  mouth  of  the  Hudson,  under  the  guidance  of 
Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  who  hoisted  his  standard 
on  the  leading  boat. 

This  memorable  migration  took  place  on  the 
first  of  May,  and  was  long  cited  in  tradition 
as  the  grand  moving.  The  anniversary  of  it 
was  piously  observed  among  the  "  sons  of  the 
pilgrims  of  Communipaw,"  by  turning  their 
houses  topsy-turvy  and  carrying  all  the  furniture 
through  the  streets,  in  emblem  of  the  swarming 
of  the  parent-hive ;  and  this  is  the  real  origin  of 
the  universal  agitation  and  "  moving "  by  which 
this  most  restless  of  cities  is  literally  turned  out 
of  doors  on  every  May-day. 

As  the  little  squadron  from  Communipaw 
drew  near  to  the  shores  of  Manna-hata,  a 
sachem,  at  the  head  of  a  band  of  warriors,  ap- 
peared to  oppose  their  landing.  Some  of  the 
most  zealous  of  the  pilgrims  were  for  chastising 
this  insolence  with  powder  and  ball,  according  to 
the  approved  mode  of  discoverers ;  but  the  sage 
Oloffe  gave  them  the  significant  sign  of  St. 
Nicholas,  laying  his  finger  beside  his  nose  and 
winking  hard  with  one  eye ;  whereupon  his  fol- 
lowers perceived  that  there  was  something  saga- 
cious in  the  wind.  He  now  addressed  the  In- 
dians in  the  blandest  terms ;  and  made  such 


152  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

tempting  display  of  beads,  hawks'-bells,  and  red 
blankets,  that  he  was  soon  permitted  to  land, 
and  a  great  land-speculation  ensued.  And  here 
let  me  give  the  true  story  of  the  original  pur- 
chase of  the  site  of  this  renowned  city,  about 
which  so  much  has  been  said  and  written. 
Some  affirm  that  the  first  cost  was  but  sixty 
guilders.  The  learned  Dominie  Heckwelder 
records  a  tradition1  that  the  Dutch  discoverers 
bargained  for  only  so  much  land  as  the  hide  of 
a  bullock  would  cover;  but  that  they  cut  the 
hide  in  strips  no  thicker  than  a  child's  finger,  so 
as  to  take  in  a  large  portion  of  land,  and  to  take 
in  the  Indians  into  the  bargain.  This,  however, 
is  an  old  fable  which  the  worthy  Dominie  may 
have  borrowed  from  antiquity.  The  true  ver- 
sion is,  that  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt  bargained  for 
just  so  much  land  as  a  man  could  cover  with  his 
nether  garments.  The  terms  being  concluded, 
he  produced  his  friend  Mynheer  Ten  Broeck  as 
the  man  whose  breeches  were  to  be  used  in 
measurement.  The  simple  savages,  whose  ideas 
of  a  man's  nether  garments  had  never  expanded 
beyond  the  dimensions  of  a  breech-clout,  stared 
with  astonishment  and  dismay  as  they  beheld  this 
bulbous-bottomed  burgher  peeled  like  an  onion, 
and  breeches  after  breeches  spread  forth  over  the 
land  until  they  covered  the  actual  site  of  this 
venerable  city. 

This  is  the  true  history  of  the  adroit  bargain 
by  which  the  island  of  Manhattan  was  bought 

i  MSS.  of  the  Rev.  John  Heckwelder;  New  York  Histori- 
cal Society. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  153 

for  sixty  guilders  ;  and  in  corroboration  of  it  I 
will  add,  that  Mynheer  Ten  Breeches,  for  his 
services  on  this  memorable  occasion,  was  elevated 
to  the* office  of  land-measurer;  which  he  ever 
afterwards  exercised  in  the  colony. 


154  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER   VHI. 


OP  THE   FOUNDING  AND   NAMING  OP  THE  NEW  CITY  J    OP  THE  CITY  ARMS  ; 
AND   OP    THE    DIREFUL    FEUD    BETWEEN    TEN    BREECHES    AND    TOUGH 


[HE  land  being  thus  fairly  purchased  of 
the  Indians,  a  circumstance  very  un- 
usual in  the  history  of  colonization,  and 
strongly  illustrative  of  the  honesty  of  our  Dutch 
progenitors,  a  stockade  fort  and  trading  -  house 
were  forthwith  erected  on  an  eminence  in  front 
of  the  place  where  the  good  St.  Nicholas  had  ap- 
peared in  a  vision  to  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  and 
which,  as  has  already  been  observed,  was  the 
identical  place  at  present  known  as  the  Bowling 
Green. 

Around  this  fort  a  progeny  of  little  Dutch- 
built  houses,  with  tiled  roofs  and  weathercocks, 
soon  sprang  up,  nestling  themselves  under  its 
walls  for  protection,  as  a  brood  of  half-fledged 
chickens  nestle  under  the  wings  of  the  mother 
hen.  The  whole  was  surrounded  by  an  enclosure 
of  strong  palisadoes,  to  guard  against  any  sudden 
irruption  of  the  savages.  Outside  of  these  ex- 
tended the  cornfields  and  cabbage -gardens  of 
the  community,  with  here  and  there  an  attempt 
at  a  tobacco-plantation;  all  covering  those  tracts 
of  country  at  present  called  Broadway,  Wall 
Street,  William  Street,  and  Pearl  Street. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  155 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention,  that,  in  portion- 
ing out  the  land,  a  goodly  "  bowerie,"  or  farm, 
was  allotted  to  the  sage  Oloffe  in  consideration 
of  the  service  he  had  rendered  to  the  public  by 
his  talent  at  dreaming  ;  and  the  site  of  his  "  bow- 
erie "  is  known  by  the  name  of  Kortlandt  (or 
Cortlandt)  Street  to  the  present  day. 

And  now  the  infant  settlement  having  ad- 
vanced in  age  and  stature,  it  was  thought  high 
time  it  should  receive  an  honest  Christian  name. 
Hitherto  it  had  gone  by  the  original  Indian  name 
Manna-hata,  or,  as  some  will  have  it,  "  The  Man- 
hattoes  "  ;  but  this  was  now  decried  as  savage 
and  ,heathenish,  and  as  tending  to  keep  up  the 
memory  of  the  pagan  brood  that  originally  pos- 
sessed it.  Many  were  the  consultations  held 
upon  the  subject,  without  coming  to  a  conclu- 
sion, for  though  everybody  condemned  the  old 
name,  nobody  could  invent  a  new  one.  At 
length,  when  the  council  was  almost  in  despair, 
a  burgher,  remarkable  for  the  size  and  squareness 
of  his  head,  proposed  that  they  should  call  it 
New  Amsterdam.  The  proposition  took  every- 
body by  surprise  ;  it  was  so  striking,  so  apposite, 
so  ingenious.  The  name  was  adopted  by  accla- 
mation, and  New  Amsterdam  the  metropolis  was 
thenceforth  called.  Still,  however,  the  early 
authors  of  the  province  continued  to  call  it  by 
the  general  appellation  of  "  The  Manhattoes," 
and  the  poets  fondly  clung  to  the  euphonious 
name  of  Manna-hata  ;  but  those  are  a  kind  of 
folk  whose  tastes  and  notions  should  go  for  noth- 
ing in  matters  of  this  kind. 


156  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

Having  thus  provided  the  embryo  city  with  a 
name,  the  next  was  to  give  it  an  armorial  bear- 
ing or  device,  as  some  cities  have  a  rampant 
Hon,  others  a  soaring  eagle,  —  emblematical,  no 
doubt,  of  the  valiant  and  high-flying  qualities  of 
the  inhabitants  ;  so,  after  mature  deliberation,  a 
sleek  beaver  was  emblazoned  on  the  city  stand- 
ard, as  indicative  of  the  amphibious  origin,  and 
patient,  persevering  habits  of  the  New  Amster- 
dammers. 

The  thriving  state  of  the  settlement  and  the 
rapid  increase  of  houses  soon  made  it  necessary 
to  arrange  some  plan  upon  which  the  city  should 
be  built ;  but  at  the  very  first  consultation  held 
on  the  subject,  a  violent  discussion  arose  ;  and  I 
mention  it  with  much  sorrowing  as  being  the 
first  altercation  on  record  in  the  councils  of  New 
Amsterdam.  It  was,  in  fact,  a  breaking  forth  of 
the  grudge  and  heart-burning  that  had  existed 
between  those  two  eminent  burghers,  Mynheers 
Tenbroeck  and  Hardenbroeck,  ever  since  their 
unhappy  dispute  on  the  coast  of  Bellevue.  The 
great  Hardenbroeck  had  waxed  very  wealthy  and 
powerful,  from  his  domains,  which  embraced  the 
whole  chain  of  Apulean  mountains  that  stretched 
along  the  gulf  of  Kip's  Bay,  and  from  part  of 
which  his  descendants  have  been  expelled  in  lat- 
ter ages  by  the  powerful  clans  of  the  Joneses  and 
the  Schermerhornes. 

An  ingenious  plan  for  the  city  was  offered  by 
Mynheer  Hardenbroeck,  who  proposed  that  it 
should  be  cut  up  and  intersected  by  canals,  after 
the  manner  of  the  most  admired  cities  in  Holland. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  157 

To  this  Mynheer  Tenbroeck  was  diametrically 
opposed,  suggesting,  in  place  thereof,  that  they 
should  run  out  docks  and  wharves,  by  means  of 
piles  driven  into  the  bottom  of  the  river,  on 
which  the  town  should  be  built.  "  By  these 
means,"  said  he,  triumphantly,  "  shall  we  rescue 
a  considerable  space  of  temtory  from  these  im- 
mense rivers,  and  build  a  city  that  shall  rival 
Amsterdam,  Venice,  or  any  amphibious  city  in 
Europe."  To  this  proposition,  Hardenbroeck  (or 
Tough  Breeches)  replied,  with  a  look  of  as  much 
scorn  as  he  could  possibly  assume.  He  cast  the 
utmost  censure  upon  the  plan  of  his  antagonist, 
as  being  preposterous  and  against  the  very  order 
of  things,  as  he  would  leave  to  every  true  Hol- 
lander. "  For  what,"  said  he,  "  is  a  town  with- 
out canals  ?  —  it  is  like  a  body  without  veins  and 
arteries,  and  must  perish  for  want  of  a  free  cir- 
culation of  the  vital  fluid."  Ten  Breeches,  on 
the  contrary,  retorted  with  a  sarcasm  upon  his 
antagonist,  who  was  somewhat  of  an  arid,  dry- 
boned  habit :  he  remarked,  that  as  to  the  circu- 
lation of  the  blood  being  necessaiy  to  existence, 
Mynheer  Tough  Breeches  was  a  living  contradic- 
tion to  his  own  assertion ;  for  everybody  knew 
there  had  not  a  drop  of  blood  circulated  through 
his  wind-dried  carcase  for  good  ten  years,  and  yet 
there  was  not  a  greater  busybody  in  the  whole 
colony.  Personalities  have  seldom  much  effect  in 
making  converts  in  argument ;  nor  have  I  ever 
seen  a  man  convinced  of  error  by  being  convicted 
of  deformity.  At  least,  such  was  not  the  case 
at  present.  If  Ten  Breeches  was  very  happy  in 


158  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

sarcasm,  Tough  Breeches,  who  was  a  sturdy  little 
man,  and  never  gave  up  the  last  word,  rejoined 
with  increasing  spirit;  Ten  Breeches  had  the 
advantage  of  the  greatest  volubility,  but  Tough 
Breeches  had  that  invaluable  coat  of  mail  in 
argument,  called  obstinacy ;  Ten  Breeches  had, 
therefore,  the  most  mettle,  but  Tough  Breeches 
the  best  bottom ;  so  that,  though  Ten  Breeches 
made  a  dreadful  clattering  about  his  ears,  and 
battered  and  belabored  him  with  hard  words 
and  sound  arguments,  yet  Tough  Breeches  hung 
on  most  resolutely  to  the  last.  They  parted, 
therefore,  as  is  usual  in  all  arguments  where  both 
parties  are  in  the  right,  without  coming  to  any 
conclusion ;  —  but  they  hated  each  other  most 
heartily  forever  after,  and  a  similar  breach  with 
that  between  the  houses  of  Capulet  and  Mon- 
tague did  ensue  between  the  families  of  Ten 
Breeches  and  Tough  Breeches. 

I  would  not  fatigue  my  reader  with  these  dull 
matters  of  fact,  but  that  my  duty  as  a  faithful 
historian  requires  that  I  should  be  particular ; 
and  in  truth,  as  I  am  now  treating  of  the  critical 
period  when  our  city,  like  a  young  twig,  first 
received  the  twists  and  turns  which  have  since 
contributed  to  give  it  its  present  picturesque 
irregularity,  I  cannot  be  too  minute  in  detailing 
their  first  causes. 

After  the  unhappy  altercation  I  have  just 
mentioned,  I  do  not  find  that  anything  farther 
was  said  on  the  subject  worthy  of  being  recorded. 
The  council,  consisting  of  the  largest  and  oldest 
heads  in  the  community,  met  regularly  once  a 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  159 

week,  to  ponder  on  this  momentous  subject ;  but, 
either  they  were  deterred  by  the  war  of  words 
they  had  witnessed,  or  they  were  naturally 
averse  to  the  exercise  of  the  tongue,  and  the 
consequent  exercise  of  the  brains,  —  certain  it  is, 
the  most  profound  silence  was  maintained,  —  the 
question  as  usual  lay  on  the  table,  —  the  mem- 
bers quietly  smoked  their  pipes,  making  but  few 
laws,  without  ever  enforcing  any,  —  and  in  the 
mean  time  the  affairs  of  the  settlement  went  on 
—  as  it  pleased  God. 

As  most  of  the  council  were  but  little  skilled 
in  the  mystery  of  combining  pot-hooks  and  hang- 
ers, they  determined  most  judiciously  not  to  puz- 
zle either  themselves  or  posterity  with  voluminous 
records.  The  secretary,  however,  kept  the  min- 
utes of  the  council,  with  tolerable  precision,  in  a 
large  vellum  folio,  fastened  with  massy  brass 
clasps  ;  the  journal  of  each  meeting  consisted  but 
of  two  lines,  stating  in  Dutch,  that  "  the  council 
sat  this  day,  and  smoked  twelve  pipes,  on  the 
affairs  of  the  colony."  By  which  it  appears  that 
the  first  settlers  did  not  regulate  their  time  by 
hours,  but  pipes,  in  the  same  manner  as  they 
measure  distances  in  Holland  at  this  very  time  : 
an  admirably  exact  measurement,  as  a  pipe  in  the 
mouth  of  a  true-born  Dutchman  is  never  liable 
to  those  accidents  and  irregularities  that  are 
continually  putting  our  clocks  out  of  order. 

In  this  manner  did  the  profound  council  of 
NEW  AMSTERDAM  smoke,  and  doze,  and  ponder, 
from  week  to  week,  month  to  month,  and  year  to 
year,  in  what  manner  they  should  construct  their 


160  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

infant  settlement ;  —  meanwhile,  the  town  took 
care  of  itself,  and  like  a  sturdy  brat  which  is 
suffered  to  run  about  wild,  unshackled  by  clouts 
and  bandages,  and  other  abominations  by  which 
your  notable  nurses  and  sage  old  women  cripple 
and  disfigure  the  children  of  men,  increased  so 
rapidly  in  strength  and  magnitude,  that  before 
the  honest  burgomasters  had  determined  upon 
a  plan,  it  was  too  late  to  put  it  in  execution,  — 
whereupon  they  wisely  abandoned  the  subject 
altogether. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  161 


CHAPTER   IX. 


OW  THE  CITY  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  WAXED  GREAT  UNDER  THE  PRO- 
TECTION OP  ST.  NICHOLAS  AND  THE  ABSENCE  OP  LAWS  AND  STAT- 
UTES—  HOW  OLOFFE  THE  DREAMER  BEGAN  TO  DREAM  OP  AN  EXTEN- 
SION OF  EMPIRE.  AND  OP  THE  EFFECT  OF  HIS  DREAMS. 


'HERE  is  something  exceedingly  delusive 
in  thus  looking  back  through  the  long  vista 
of  departed  years,  and  catching  a  glimpse 
of  the  fairy  realms  of  antiquity.  Like  a  land- 
scape melting  into  distance,  they  receive  a  thou- 
sand charms  from  their  very  obscurity,  and  the 
fancy  delights  to  fill  up  their  outlines  with  graces 
and  excellences  of  its  own  creation.  Thus  loom 
on  my  imagination  those  happier  days  of  our 
city,  when  as  yet  New  Amsterdam  was  a  mere 
pastoral  town,  shrouded  in  groves  of  sycamores 
and  willows,  and  surrounded  by  trackless  forests 
and  Avide-spreading  waters,  that  seemed  to  shut 
out  all  the  cares  and  vanities  of  a  wicked  world. 
In  those  days  did  this  embryo  city  present  the 
rare  and  noble  spectacle  of  a  community  gov- 
erned without  laws ;  and  thus  being  left  to  its 
own  course,  and  the  fostering  care  of  Providence, 
increased  as  rapidly  as  though  it  had  been  bur- 
dened with  a  dozen  panniers  full  of  those  sage  laws 
usually  heaped  on  the  backs  of  young  cities  — 
in  order  to  make  them  grow.  And  in  this  par- 
ticular I  greatly  admire  the  wisdom  and  sound 


162  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

knowledge  of  human  nature,  displayed  by  the 
sage  Oloffe  the  Dreamer  and  his  fellow-legis- 
lators. For  my  part,  I  have  not  so  bad  an 
opinion  of  mankind  as  many  of  my  brother 
philosophers.  I  do  not  think  poor  human  nature 
so  sorry  a  piece  of  workmanship  as  they  would 
make  it  out  to  be  ;  and  as  far  as  I  have  ob- 
served, I  am  fully  satisfied  that  man,  if  left  to 
himself,  would  about  as  readily  go  right  as  wrong. 
It  is  only  this  eternally  sounding  in  his  ears  that 
it  is  his  duty  to  go  right,  which  makes  him  go 
the  very  reverse.  The  noble  independence  of 
his  nature  revolts  at  this  intolerable  tyranny 
of  law,  and  the  perpetual  interference  of  offi- 
cious morality,  which  are  ever  besetting  his  path 
with  finger  -  posts  and  directions  to  "  keep  to 
the  right,  as  the  law  directs  "  ;  and  like  a  spir- 
ited urchin,  he  turns  directly  contrary,  and  gal- 
lops through  mud  and  mire,  'over  hedges  and 
ditches,  merely  to  show  that  he  is  a  lad  of  spirit, 
and  out  of  his  leading-strings.  And  these  opin- 
ions are  amply  substantiated  by  what  I  have 
above  said  of  our  worthy  ancestors ;  who  never 
being  be-preached  and  be-lectured,  and  guided 
and  governed  by  statutes  and  laws  and  by-laws, 
as  are  their  more  enlightened  descendants,  did 
one  and  all  demean  themselves  honestly  and 
peaceably,  out  of  pure  ignorance,  or,  in  other 
words,  because  they  knew  no  better. 

Nor  must  I  omit  to  record  one  of  the  earliest 
measures  of  this  infant  settlement,  inasmuch  as 
it  shows  the  piety  of  our  forefathers,  and  that, 
like  good  Christians,  they  were  always  ready 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  163 

to  serve  God,  after  they  had  first  served  them- 
selves. Thus,  having  quietly  settled  themselves 
down,  and  provided  for  their  own  comfort,  they 
bethought  themselves  of  testifying  their  grati- 
tude to  the  great  and  good  St.  Nicholas,  for 
his  protecting  care,  in  guiding  them  to  this  de- 
lectable abode.  To  this  end  they  built  a  fair 
and  goodly  chapel  within  the  fort,  which  they 
consecrated  to  his  name  ;  whereupon  he  immedi- 
ately took  the  town  of  New  Amsterdam  under 
his  peculiar  patronage,  and  he  has  ever  since 
been,  and  I  devoutly  hope  will  ever  be,  the  tute- 
lar saint  of  this  excellent  city. 

At  this  early  period  was  instituted  that  pious 
ceremony,  still  religiously  observed  in  all  our  an- 
cient families  of  the  right  breed,  of  hanging  up 
a  stocking  in  the  chimney  on  St.  Nicholas  eve ; 
which  stocking  is  always  found  in  the  morning 
miraculously  filled ;  for  the  good  St.  Nicholas 
has  ever  been  a  great  giver  of  gifts,  particularly 
to  children. 

I  am  moreover  told  that  there  is  a  little  leg- 
endary book,  somewhere  extant,  written  in  Low 
Dutch,  which  says,  that  the  image  of  this  re- 
nowned saint,  which  whilom  graced  the  bowsprit 
of  the  Goede  Vrouw,  was  elevated  in  front  of 
this  chapel,  in  the  centre  of  what  in  modern 
days  is  called  the  Bowling  Green,  —  on  the  very 
spot,  in  fact,  where  he  appeared  in  vision  to 
Oloffe  the  Dreamer.  And  the  legend  further 
treats  of  divers  miracles  wrought  by  the  mighty 
pipe  which  the  saint  held  in  his  mouth,  a  whiff 
of  which  was  a  sovereign  cure  for  indigestion, — 


164  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

an  invaluable  relic  in  this  colony  of  brave  trench- 
er-men. As,  however,  in  spite  of  the  most  dili- 
gent search,  I  cannot  lay  my  hands  upon  this 
little  book,  I  must  confess  that  I  entertain  con- 
siderable doubt  on  the  subject. 

Thus  benignly  fostered  by  the  good  St.  Nicho- 
las, the  infant  city  thrived  apace.  Hordes  of 
painted  savages,  it  is  true,  still  lurked  about  the 
unsettled  parts  of  the  island.  The  hunter  still 
pitched  his  bower  of  skins  and  bark  beside  the 
rills  that  ran  through  the  cool  and  shady  glens, 
while  here  and  there  might  be  seen,  on  some 
sunny  knoll,  a  group  of  Indian  wigwams,  whose 
smoke  arose  above  the  neighboring  trees,  and 
floated  in  the  transparent  atmosphere.  A  mu- 
tual good-will,  however,  existed  between  these 
wandering  beings  and  the  burghers  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. Our  benevolent  forefathers  endeavored 
as  much  as  possible  to  ameliorate  their  situation, 
by  giving  them  gin,  rum,  and  glass  beads,  in  ex- 
change for  their  peltries ;  for  it  seems  the  kind- 
hearted  Dutchmen  had  conceived  a  great  friend- 
ship for  their  savage  neighbors,  on  account  of 
their  being  pleasant  men  to  trade  with,  and  little 
skilled  in  the  art  of  making  a  bargain. 

Now  and  then  a  crew  of  these  half-human 
sons  of  the  forest  would  make  their  appearance 
in  the  streets  of  New  Amsterdam,  fantastically 
painted  and  decorated  with  beads  and  flaunting 
feathers,  sauntering  about  with  an  air  of  listless 
indifference,  —  sometimes  in  the  market-place,  in- 
structing the  little  Dutch  boys  in  the  use  of  the 
bow  and  arrow,  —  at  other  times,  inflamed  with 


HISTORY  OF  NEW    YORK.  165 

liquor,  swaggering  and  whooping  and  yelling 
about  the  town  like  so  many  fiends,  to  the  great 
dismay  of  all  the  good  wives,  who  would  hurry 
their  children  into  the  house,  fasten  the  doors, 
and  throw  water  upon  the  enemy  from  the  gar- 
ret windows.  It  is  worthy  of  mention  here,  that 
our  forefathers  were  very  particular  in  holding 
up  these  wild  men  as  excellent  domestic  exam- 
ples—  and  for  reasons  that  may  be  gathered 
from  the  history  of  master  Ogilby,  who  tells 
us,  that  "for  the  least  offence  the  bridegroom 
soundly  beats  his  wife  and  turns  her  out  of 
doors,  and  marries  another,  insomuch  that  some 
of  them  have  every  year  a  new  wife."  Whether 
this  awful  example  had  any  influence  or  not,  his- 
tory does  not  mention ;  but  it  is  certain  that 
our  grandmothers  were  miracles  of  fidelity  and 
obedience. 

True  it  is,  that  the  good  understanding  be- 
tween our  ancestors  and  their  savage  neighbors 
was  liable  to  occasional  interruptions,  and  I  have 
heard  my  grandmother,  who  was  a  very  wise  old 
woman,  and  well  versed  in  the  history  of  these 
parts,  tell  a  long  story  of  a  Avinter's  evening, 
about  a  battle  between  the  New  Amsterdammers 
and  the  Indians,  which  was  known  by  the  name 
of  the  Peach  War,  and  which  took  place  near  a 
peach  orchard,  in  a  dark  glen,  which  for  a  long 
while  went  by  the  name  of  Murderer's  Valley. 

The  legend  of  this  sylvan  war  was  long  cur- 
rent among  the  nurses,  old  wives,  and  other  an- 
cient chroniclers  of  the  place ;  but  time  and 
improvement  have  almost  obliterated  both  the 


166  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

tradition  and  the  scene  of  battle ;  for  what  was 
once  the  blood-stained  valley  is  now  in  the  centre 
of  this  populous  city,  and  known  by  the  name  of 
Dey  Street. 

I  know  not  whether  it  was  to  this  "  Peach 
war,"  and  the  acquisitions  of  Indian  land  which 
may  have  grown  out  of  it,  that  we  may  ascribe 
the  first  seeds  of  the  spirit  of  "annexation" 
which  now  began  to  manifest  themselves.  Hith- 
erto the  ambition  of  the  worthy  burghers  had 
been  confined  to  the  lovely  island  of  Manna-hata ; 
and  Spiten  Devil  on  the  Hudson,  and  Hell-gate 
on  the  Sound,  were  to  them  the  pillars  of  Her- 
cules, the  ne  plus  'ultra  of  human  enterprise. 
Shortly  after  the  Peach  war,  however,  a  restless 
spirit  was  observed  among  the  New  Amsterdam- 
mers,  who  began  to  cast  wistful  looks  upon  the 
wild  lands  of  their  Indian  neighbors ;  for,  some- 
how or  other,  wild  Indian  land  always  looks 
greener  in  the  eyes  of  settlers  than  the  land- 
they  occupy.  It  is  hinted  that  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer  encouraged  these  notions ;  having,  as 
has  been  shown,  the  inherent  spirit  of  a  land- 
speculator,  which  had  been  wonderfully  quick- 
ened and  expanded  since  he  had  become  a  land- 
holder. Many  of  the  common  people,  who  had 
never  before  owned  a  foot  of  land,  now  began  to  be 
discontented  with  the  town  lots  which  had  fallen 
to  their  shares ;  others,  who  had  snug  farms  and 
tobacco- plantations,  found  they  had  not  sufficient 
elbow-room,  and  began  to  question  the  rights  of 
the  Indians  to  the  vast  regions  they  pretended  to 
hold,  —  while  the  good  Oloffe  indulged  in  mag- 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  167 

nificent  dreams  of  foreign  conquest  and  great 
patroonships  in  the  wilderness. 

The  result  of  these,  dreams  were  certain  explor- 
ing expeditious,  sent  forth  in  various  directions, 
to  •'  sow  the  seeds  of  empire,"  as  it  was  said. 
The  earliest  of  these  were  conducted  by  Hans 
Reinier  Oothout,  an  old  navigator,  famous  for  the 
sharpness  of  his  vision,  who  could  see  land  when 
it  was  quite  out  of  sight  to  ordinary  mortals,  and 
who  had  a  spy-glass  covered  with  a  bit  of  tar- 
pauling,  with  which  he  could  spy  up  the  crook- 
edest  river  quite  to  its  head -waters.  He  was 
accompanied  by  Mynheer  Ten  Breeches,  as  land- 
measurer,  in  case  of  any  dispute  with  the  In- 
dians. 

What  was  the  consequence  of  these  exploring 
expeditions  ?  In  a  little  while  we  find  a  frontier 
post  or  trading-house  called  Fort  Nassau,  estab- 
lished far  to  the  south  on  Delaware  River ;  an- 
other, called  Fort  Goed  Hoep  (or  Good  Hope), 
on  the  Varsche,  or  Fresh,  or  Connecticut  River, 
and  another,  called  Fort  Aurania  (now  Albany), 
away  up  the  Hudson  River ;  while  the  bounda- 
ries of  the  province  kept  extending  on  every 
side,  nobody  knew  whither,  far  into  the  regions 
of  Terra  Incognita. 

Of  the  boundary  feuds  and  troubles  which  the 
ambitious  little  province  brought  upon  itself  by 
these  indefinite  expansions  of  its  territory,  we 
shall  treat  at  large  in  the  after-pages  of  this 
eventful  history ;  sufficient  for  the  present  is  it 
to  say  that  the  swelling  importance  of  the  New 
Netherlands  awakened  the  attention  of  the 


168  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

mother-country,  who,  finding  it  likely  to  yield 
much  revenue  and  no  trouble,  began  to  take  that 
interest  in  its  welfare  which  knowing  people 
evince  for  rich  relations. 

But  as  this  opens  a  new  era  in  the  fortunes  of 
New  Amsterdam,  I  will  here  put  an  end  to  this 
second  book  of  my  history,  and  will  treat  of  the 
maternal  policy  of  the  mother-country  in  my 
next. 


BOOK    HI. 

IN  WHICH  IS  RECORDED  THE  GOLDEN  REIGN  OF  WOUTEK 
VAN  TWTLLER. 


CHAPTER  I. 

F  THE  RENOWNED  WOUTER  VAN  TWILLER,  HIS  UNPARALLELED  VIRTUES 
—  AS  LIKEWISE  HIS  UNUTTERABLE  WISDOM  IN  THE  LAW-CASE  OF  WAN- 
DLE  SCHOONHOVEN  AND  BARENT  BLEECKER  —  AND  THE  GREAT  ADMI- 
RATION OF  THE  PUBLIC  THEREAT. 

GRIEVOUS  and  very  much  to  be  com- 
miserated is  the  task  of  the  feeling  his- 
torian, who  writes  the  history  of  his 
native  land.  If  it  fall  to  his  lot  to  be  the  re- 
corder of  calamity  or  crime,  the  mournful  page  is 
watered  with  his  tears ;  nor  can  he  recall  the 
most  prosperous  and  blissful  era,  without  a  melan- 
choly sigh  at  the  reflection  that  it  has  passed  away 
forever !  I  know  not  whether  it  be  owing  to  an 
immoderate  love  for  the  simplicity  of  former 
times,  or  to  that  certain  tenderness  of  heart  inci- 
dent to  all  sentimental  historians ;  but  I  candidly 
confess  that  I  cannot  look  back  on  the  happier 


170  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

days  of  our  city,  which  I  now  describe,  without 
great  dejection  of  spirit.  With  faltering  hand  do 
I  withdraw  the  curtain  of  oblivion,  that  veils  the 
modest  merit  of  our  venerable  ancestors,  and  as 
their  figures  rise  to  my  mental  vision,  humble 
myself  before  their  mighty  shades. 

Such  are  my  feelings  when  1  revisit  the  fam- 
ily mansion  of  the  Knickerbockers,  and  spend  a 
lonely  hour  in  the  chamber  where  hang  the  por- 
traits of  my  forefathers,  shrouded  in  dust,  like 
the  forms  they  represent.  With  pious  reverence 
do  I  gaze  on  the  countenances  of  those  renowned 
burghers,  who  have  preceded  me  in  the  steady 
march  of  existence,  —  whose  sober  and  temperate 
blood  now  meanders  through  my  veins,  flowing 
slower  and  slower  in  its  feeble  conduits,  until  its 
current  shall  soon  be  stopped  forever ! 

These,  I  say  to  myself,  are  but  frail  memorials 
of  the  mighty  men  who  nourished  in  the  days  of 
the  patriarchs  ;  but  who,  alas,  have  long  since 
mouldered  in  that  tomb  towards  which  my  steps 
are  insensibly  and  irresistibly  hastening!  As  I 
pace  the  darkened  chamber  and  lose  myself  in 
melancholy  musings,  the  shadowy  images  around 
me  almost  seem  to  steal  once  more  into  existence, 
—  their  countenances  to  assume  the  animation  of 
life,  —  their  eyes  to  pursue  me  in  every  move- 
ment !  Carried  away  by  the  delusions  of  fancy, 
I  almost  imagine  myself  surrounded  by  the  shades 
of  the  departed,  and  holding  sweet  converse  with 
the  worthies  of  antiquity  !  Ah,  hapless  Diedrich  ! 
born  in  a  degenerate  age,  abandoned  to  the  buffet- 
ings  of  fortune,  —  a  stranger  and  a  weary  pilgrim 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  171 

in  thy  native  land,  —  blest  with  no  weeping  wife, 
nor  family  of  helpless  children,  but  doomed  to 
wander  neglected  through  those  crowded  streets, 
and  elbowed  by  foreign  upstarts  from  those  fair 
abodes  where  once  thine  ancestors  held  sovereign 
empire  ! 

Let  me  not,  however,  lose  the  historian  in  the 
man,  nor  suffer  the  doting  recollections  of  age  to 
overcome  me,  while  dwelling  with  fond  garrulity 
on  the  virtuous  days  of  the  patriarchs, —  on  those 
sweet  days  of  simplicity  and  ease,  which  never 
more  will  dawn  on  the  lovely  island  of  Manna- 
hata. 

These  melancholy  reflections  have  been  forced 
from  me  by  the  growing  wealth  and  importance 
of  New  Amsterdam,  which,  I  plainly  perceive, 
are  to  involve  it  in  all  kinds  of  perils  and  disas- 
ters. Already,  as  I  observed  at  the  close  of  my 
last  book,  they  had  awakened  the  attentions  of 
the  mother-country.  The  usual  mark  of  protec- 
tion shown  by  mother-countries  to  wealthy  colo- 
nies was  forthwith  manifested ;  a  governor  being 
sent  out  to  rule  over  the  province,  and  squeeze 
out  of  it  as  much  revenue  as  possible.  The  ar- 
rival of  a  governor  of  course  put  an  end  to  the 
protectorate  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer.  He  appears, 
however,  to  have  dreamt  to  some  purpose  during 
his  sway,  as  we  find  him  afterwards  living  as  a 
patroon  on  a  great  landed  estate  on  the  banks  of 
the  Hudson  ;  having  virtually  forfeited  all  right 
to  his  ancient  appellation  of  Kortlandt  or  Lack- 
land. 

It  was  in  the  year  of  our  Lord   1629   that 


172  HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK. 

Mynheer  Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  appointed 
governor  of  the  province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts, 
under  the  commission  and  control  of  their  High 
Mightinesses  the  Lords  States  General  of  the 
United  Netherlands,  and  the  privileged  West 
India  Company. 

This  renowned  old  gentleman  arrived  at  New 
Amsterdam  in  the  merry  month  of  June,  the 
sweetest  month  in  all  the  year ;  when  dan  Apollo 
seems  to  dance  up  the  transparent  firmament, 
• — when  the  robin,  the  thrush,  and  a  thousand 
other  wanton  songsters,  make  the  woods  to  re- 
sound with  amorous  ditties,  and  the  luxurious 
little  boblincon  revels  among  the  clover -blos- 
soms of  the  meadows,  —  all  which  happy  coinci- 
dence persuaded  the  old  dames  of  New  Amster- 
dam, who  were  skilled  in  the  art  of  foretelling 
events,  that  this  was  to  be  a  happy  and  prosper- 
ous administration. 

The  renowned  Wouter  (or  Walter)  Van  Twil- 
ler was  descended  from  a  long  line  of  Dutch 
burgomasters,  who  had  successively  dozed  away 
their  lives,  and  grown  fat  upon  the  bench  of 
magistracy  in  Rotterdam ;  and  who  had  com- 
ported themselves  with  such  singular  wisdom 
and  propriety,  that  they  were  never  either  heard 
or  talked  of —  which,  next  to  being  universally 
applauded,  should  be  the  object  of  ambition  of 
all  magistrates  and  rulers.  There  are  two  oppo- 
site ways  by  which  some  men  make  a  figure  in 
the  world :  one,  by  talking  faster  than  they  think, 
and  the  other,  by  holding  their  tongues  and  not 
thinking  at  all.  By  the  first,  many  a  smatterer 


BISTORT  OF  NEW   YORK.  173 

acquires  the  reputation  of  a  man  of  quick  parts ; 
by  the  other,  many  a  dunderpate,  like  the  owl, 
the  stupidest  of  birds,  comes  to  be  considered 
the  very  type  of  wisdom.  This,  by  the  way,  is 
a  casual  remark,  which  I  would  not,  for  the  uni- 
verse, have  it  thought  I  apply  to  Governor  Van 
Twiller.  It  is  true  he  was  a  man  shut  up  within 
himself,  like  an  oyster,  and  rarely  spoke,  except 
in  monosyllables ;  but  then  it  was  allowed  he 
seldom. said  a  foolish  thing.  So  invincible  was  his 
gravity  that  he  was  never  known  to  laugh  or 
even  to  smile  through  the  whole  course  of  a  long 
and  prosperous  life.  Nay,  if  a  joke  were  uttered 
in  his  presence,  that  set  light-minded  hearers  in 
a  roar,  it  was  observed  to  throw  him  into  a  state 
of  perplexity.  Sometimes  he  would  deign  to  in- 
quire into  the  matter,  and  when,  after  much  ex- 
planation, the  joke  was  made  as  plain  as  a  pike- 
staff, he  would  continue  to  smoke  his  pipe  in 
silence,  and  at  length,  knocking  out  the  ashes, 
would  exclaim,  "  Well !  I  see  nothing  in  all 
that  to  laugh  about." 

With  all  his  reflective  habits,  he  never  made 
up  his  mind  on  a  subject.  His  adherents  ac- 
counted for  this  by  the  astonishing  magnitude  of 
his  ideas.  He  conceived  every  subject  on  so 
grand  a  scale  that  he  had  not  room  in  his  head 
to  turn  it  over  and  examine  both  sides  of  it. 
Certain  it  is,  that,  if  any  matter  were  propounded 
to  him  on  which  ordinary  mortals  would  rashly 
determine  at  first  glance,  he  would  put  on  a 
vague,  mysterious  look,  shake  his  capacious 
head,  smoke  some  time  in  profound  silence,  >and 


174  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

at  length  observe,  that  "  he  had  his  doubts  about 
the  matter";  which  gained  him  the  reputation 
of  a  man  slow  of  belief  and  not  easily  imposed 
upon.  What  is  more,  it  gained  him  a  lasting 
name ;  for  to  this  habit  of  the  mind  has  been 
attributed  his  surname  of  T wilier  ;  which  is  said 
to  be  a  corruption  of  the  original  Twijfler,  or, 
in  plain  English,  Doubter. 

The  person  of  this  illustrious  old  gentleman 
was  formed  and  proportioned,  as  though  it  had 
been  moulded  by  the  hands  of  some  cunning  Dutch 
statuary,  as  a  model  of  majesty  and  lordly  gran- 
deur. He  was  exactly  five  feet  six  inches  in 
height,  and  six  feet  five  inches  in  circumference. 
His  head  was  a  perfect  sphere,  and  of  such  stu- 
pendous dimensions,  that  dame  Nature,  with  all 
her  sex's  ingenuity,  would  have  been  puzzled  to 
construct  a  neck  capable  of  supporting  it ;  where- 
fore she  wisely  declined  the  attempt,  and  settled  it 
firmly  on  the  top  of  his  backbone,  just  between 
the  shoulders.  His  body  was  oblong  and  particu- 
larly capacious  at  bottom ;  which  was  wisely  or- 
dered by  Providence,  seeing  that  he  was  a  man  of 
sedentary  habits,  and  very  averse  to  the  idle  labor 
of  walking.  His  legs  were  short,  but  sturdy  in 
proportion  to  the  weight  they  had  to  sustain ;  so 
that  when  erect  he  had  not  a  little  the  appear- 
ance of  a  beer-barrel  on  skids.  His  face,  that 
infallible  index  of  the  mind,  presented  a  vast 
expanse,  unfurrowed  by  any  of  those  lines  and 
angles  which  disfigure  the  human  countenance 
with  what  is  termed  expression.  Two  small 
gray  eyes  twinkled  feebly  in  the  midst,  like  two 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  175 

stars  of  lesser  magnitude  in  a  hazy  firmament ; 
and  his  full-fed  cheeks,  which  seemed  to  have 
taken  toll  of  everything  that  went  into  his  mouth, 
were  curiously  mottled  and  streaked  with  dusky 
red,  like  a  spitzenberg  apple. 

His  habits  were  as  regular  as  his  person.  He 
daily  took  his  four  stated  meals,  appropriating 
exactly  an  hour  to  each ;  he  smoked  and  doubted 
eight  hours,  and  he  slept  the  remaining  twelve 
of  the  four-and-twenty.  Such  was  the  renowned 
Wouter  Van  Twiller,  —  a  true  philosopher,  for 
his  mind  was  either  elevated  above,  or  tranquilly 
settled  below,  the  cares  and  perplexities  of  this 
world.  He  had  lived  in  it  for  years,  without 
feeling  the  least  curiosity  to  know  whether  the 
sun  revolved  round  it,  or  it  round  the  sun ;  and 
he  had  watched,  for  at  least  half  a  century,  the 
smoke  curling  from  his  pipe  to  the  ceiling,  with- 
out once  troubling  his  head  with  any  of  those 
numerous  theories  by  which  a  philosopher  would 
have  perplexed  his  brain,  in  accounting  for  its 
rising  above  the  surrounding  atmosphere. 

In  his  council  he  presided  with  great  state 
and  solemnity.  He  sat  in  a  huge  chair  of  solid 
oak,  hewn  in  the  celebrated  forest  of  the  Hague, 
fabricated  by  an  experienced  timmerman  of  Am- 
sterdam, and  curiously  carved  about  the  arms 
and  feet,  into  exact  imitations  of  gigantic  eagle's 
claws.  Instead  of  a  sceptre,  he  swayed  a  long 
Turkish  pipe,  wrought  with  jasmin  and  amber, 
which  had  been  presented  to  a  stadtholder  of 
Holland  at  the  conclusion  of  a  treaty  with  one 
of  the  petty  Barbary  powers.  In  this  stately 


176  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

chair  would  he  sit,  and  this  magnificent  pipe 
would  he  smoke,  shaking  his  right  knee  with  a 
constant  motion,  and  fixing  his  eye  for  hours  to- 
gether upon  a  little  print  of  Amsterdam,  which 
hung  in  a  black  frame  against  the  opposite  wall  of 
the  council-chamber.  Nay,  it  has  even  been  said, 
that  when  any  deliberation  of  extraordinary  length 
and  intricacy  was  on  the  carpet,  the  renowned 
Wouter  would  shut  his  eyes  for  full  two  hours  at 
a  time,  that  he  might  not  be  disturbed  by  exter- 
nal objects  ;  and  at  such  times  the  internal  com- 
motion of  his  mind  was  evinced  by  certain  regular 
guttural  sounds,  which  his  admirers  declared  were 
merely  the  noise  of  conflict,  made  by  his  contend- 
ing doubts  and  opinions. 

It  is  with  infinite  difficulty  I  have  been  enabled 
to  collect  these  biographical  anecdotes  of  the  great 
man  under  consideration.  The  facts  respecting 
him  were  so  scattered  and  vague,  and  divers  of 
them  so  questionable  in  point  of  authenticity,  that 
I  have  had  to  give  up  the  search  after  many, 
and  decline  the  admission  of  still  more,  which 
would  have  tended  to  heighten  the  coloring  of 
his  portrait. 

I  have  been  the  more  anxious  to  delineate 
fully  the  person  and  habits  of  Wouter  Van  Twil- 
ler,  from  the  consideration  that  he  was  not  only 
the  first,  but  also  the  best  governor  that  ever  pre- 
sided over  this  ancient  and  respectable  province  ; 
and  so  tranquil  and  benevolent  was  his  reign,  that 
I  do  not  find  throughout  the  whole  of  it  a  single 
instance  of  any  offender  being  brought  to  punish- 
ment,—  a  most  indubitable  sign  of  a  merciful  gov- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  177 

ernor,  and  a  case  unparalleled,  excepting  in  the 
reign  of  the  illustrious  King  Log,  from  whom,  it 
is  hinted,  the  renowned  Van  Twiller  was  a  lineal 
descendant. 

The  very  outset  of  the  career  of  this  excellent 
magistrate  was  distinguished  by  an  example  of 
legal  acumen,  that  gave  nattering  presage  of  a 
wise  and  equitable  administration.  The  morning 
after  he  had  been  installed  in  office,  and  at  the 
moment  that  he  was  making  his  breakfast  from  a 
prodigious  earthen  dish,  filled  with  milk  and  In- 
dian pudding,  he  was  interrupted  by  the  appear- 
ance of  Wandle  Schoonhoven,  a  very  important 
old  burgher  of  New  Amsterdam,  who  complained 
bitterly  of  one  Barent  Bleecker,  inasmuch  as  he 
refused  to  come  to  a  settlement  of  accounts,  see- 
ing that  there  was  a  heavy  balance  in  favor  of 
the  said  Wandle.  Governor  Van  Twiller,  as  I 
have  already  observed,  was  a"  man  of  few  words  ; 
he  was  likewise  a  mortal  enemy  to  multiplying 
writings  —  or  being  disturbed  at  his  breakfast. 
Having  listened  attentively  to  the  statement  of 
Wandle  Schoonhoven,  giving  an  occasional  grunt, 
as  he  shovelled  a  spoonful  of  Indian  pudding 
into  his  mouth,  —  either  as  a  sign  that  he  rel- 
ished the  dish,  or  comprehended  the  story,  —  he 
called  unto  him  his  constable,  and  pulling  out  of 
his  breeches-pocket  a  huge  jack-knife,  dispatched 
it  after  the  defendant  as  a  summons,  accompanied 
by  his  tobacco-box  as  a  wan-ant. 

This  summary  process  was  as  effectual  in  those 
simple  days  as  was  the  seal-ring  of  the  great  Ha- 
roun  Alraschid  among  the  true  believers.  The 
12 


178  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

two  parties  being  confronted  before  him,  each 
produced  a  book  of  accounts,  written  in  a  lan- 
guage and  character  that  would  have  puzzled  any 
but  a  High-Dutch  commentator,  or  a  learned  deci- 
pherer of  Egyptian  obelisks.  The  sage  Wouter 
took  them  one  after  the  other,  and  having  poised 
them  in  his  hands,  and  attentively  counted  over 
the  number  of  leaves,  fell  straightway  into  a  very 
great  doubt,  and  smoked  for  half  an  hour  without 
saying  a  word ;  at  length,  laying  his  finger  beside 
his  nose,  and  shutting  his  eyes  for  a  moment, 
with  the  air  of  a  man  who  has  just  caught  a 
subtle  idea  by  the  tail,  he  slowly  took  his  pipe 
from  his  mouth,  puffed  forth  a  column  of  tobacco- 
smoke,  and  with  marvellous  gravity  and  solem- 
nity pronounced,  that,  having  carefully  counted 
over  the  leaves  and  weighed  the  books,  it  was 
found,  that  one  was  just  as  thick  and  as  heavy 
as  the  other  :  therefore,  it  was  the  final  opinion 
of  the  court  that  the  accounts  were  equally  bal- 
anced :  therefore,  Wandle  should  give  Barent 
a  receipt,  and  Barent  should  give  "Wandle  a 
receipt,  and  the  constable  should  pay  the  costs. 
This  decision,  being  straightway  made  known, 
diffused  general  joy  throughout  New  Amsterdam, 
for  the  people  immediately  perceived  that  they 
had  a  very  wise  and  equitable  magistrate  to  rule 
over  them.  But  its  happiest  effect  was,  that  not 
another  lawsuit  took  place  throughout  the  whole 
of  his  administration ;  and  the  office  of  constable 
fell  into  such  decay,  that  there  was  not  one  of 
those  losel  scouts  known  in  the  province  for  many 
years.  I  am  the  more  particular  in  dwelling 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  179 

on  this  transaction,  not  only  because  I  deem  it 
one  of  the  most  sage  and  righteous  judgments  on 
record,  and  well  worthy  the  attention  of  mod- 
em magistrates,  but  because  it  was  a  miracu- 
lous event  in  the  history  of  the  renowned  Wouter, 
—  being  the  only  time  he  was  ever  known  to 
come  to  a  decision  in  the  whole  course  of  his  life. 


180  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER    H. 

CONTAINING  SOME  ACCOUNT  OP  THE  GRAND  COUNCIL  OP  NEW  AMSTKR- 
BAM,  AS  AISO  DIVERS  ESPECIAL  GOOD  PHILOSOPHICAL  REASONS  WHY 
AN  ALDERMAN  SHOULD  BE  PAT  —  WITH  OTHER  PARTICULARS  TOUCH- 
ING THE  STATE  OP  THE  PROVINCE. 

>N  treating  of  the  early  governors  of  the 
province,  I  must  caution  my  readers 
against  confounding  them,  in  point  of 
dignity  and  power,  with  those  worthy  gentlemen 
who  are  whimsically  denominated  governors  in 
this  enlightened  republic,  —  a  set  of  unhappy 
victims  of  popularity,  who  are,  in  fact,  the  most 
dependent,  hen-pecked  beings  in  the  community ; 
doomed  to  bear  the  secret  goadings  and  correc- 
tions of  their  own  party,  and  the  sneers  and  re- 
vilings  of  the  whole  world  beside ;  set  up,  like 
geese  at  Christmas  holidays,  to  be  pelted  and 
shot  at  by  every  whipster  and  vagabond  in  the 
land.  On  the  contrary,  the  Dutch  governors  en- 
joyed that  uncontrolled  authority  vested  in  all 
commanders  of  distant  colonies  or  territories. 
They  were,  in  a  manner,  absolute  despots  in 
their  little  domains,  lording  it,  if  so  disposed, 
over  both  law  and  gospel,  and  accountable  to 
none  but  the  mother-country ;  which  it  is  well 
known  is  astonishingly  deaf  to  all  complaints 
against  its  governors,  provided  they  discharge  the 
main  duty  of  their  station  —  squeezing  out  a  good 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  181 

revenue.  This  hint  will  be  of  importance,  to  pre- 
vent my  readers  from  being  seized  with  doubt 
and  incredulity,  whenever,  in  the  course  of  this 
authentic  history,  they  encounter  the  uncommon 
circumstance  of  a  governor  acting  with  indepen- 
dence, and  in  opposition  to  the  opinions  of  the 
multitude. 

To  assist  the  doubtful  Wouter  in  the  arduous 
business  of  legislation,  a  board  of  magistrates 
was  appointed,  which  presided  immediately  over 
the  police.  This  potent  body  consisted  of  a 
schout  or  bailiff,  with  powers  between  those  of 
the  present  mayor  and  sheriff;  five  burgermees- 
ters,  who  were  equivalent  to  aldermen ;  and  five 
schepens,  who  officiated  as  scrubs,  subdevils,  or 
bottle-holders  to  the  burgermeesters,  in  the  same 
manner  as  do  assistant  aldermen  to  their  princi- 
pals at  the  present  day, —  it  being  their  duty  to 
fill  the  pipes  of  the  lordly  burgermeesters,  hunt 
the  markets  for  delicacies  for  corporation  din- 
ners, and  to  discharge  such  other  little  offices  of 
kindness  as  were  occasionally  required.  It  was, 
moreover,  tacitly  understood,  though  not  specifi- 
cally enjoined,  that  they  should  consider  them- 
selves as  butts  for  the  blunt  wits  of  the  burger- 
meesters, and  should  laugh  most  heartily  at  all 
their  jokes ;  but  this  last  was  a  duty  as  rarely 
called  in  action  in  those  days  as  it  is  at  pres- 
ent, and  was  shortly  remitted,  in  consequence  of 
the  tragical  death  of  a  fat  little  schepen,  who 
actually  died  of  suffocation  in  an  unsuccessful 
effort  to  force  a  laugh  at  one  of  burgermeester 
Van  Zandt's  best  jokes. 


182  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

In  return  for  these  humble  services,  they  were 
permitted  to  say  yes  and  no  at  the  council-board, 
and  to  have  that  enviable  privilege,  the  run  of 
the  public  kitchen,  —  being  graciously  permitted 
to  eat,  and  drink,  and  smoke,  at  all  those  snug 
junketings  and  public  gormandizings  for  which 
the  ancient  magistrates  were  equally  famous  with 
their  modern  successors.  The  post  of  schepen, 
therefore,  like  that  of  assistant  alderman,  was 
eagerly  coveted  by  all  your  burghers  of  a  certain 
description,  who  have  a  huge  relish  for  good 
feeding,  and  an  humble  ambition  to  be  great  men 
in  a  small  way,  —  who  thirst  after  a  little  brief 
authority,  that  shall  render  them  the  terror  of  the 
alms-house  and  the  bridewell,  —  that  shall  enable 
them  to  lord  it  over  obsequious  poverty,  vagrant 
vice,  outcast  prostitution,  and  hunger-driven  dis- 
honesty, —  that  shall  give  to  their  beck  a  hound- 
like  pack  of  catchpolls  and  bumbailiffs  —  tenfold 
greater  rogues  than  the  culprits  they  hunt  down ! 
My  readers  will  excuse  this  sudden  warmth,  which 
I  confess  is  unbecoming  of  a  grave  historian,  — 
but  I  have  a  mortal  antipathy  to  catchpolls,  bum- 
bailiffs,  and  little-great  men. 

The  ancient  magistrates  of  this  city  corre- 
sponded with  those  of  the  present  time  no  less  in 
form,  magnitude,  and  intellect,  than  in  preroga- 
tive and  privilege.  The  burgomasters,  like  our 
aldermen,  were  generally  chosen  by  weight,  — 
and  not  only  the  weight  of  the  body,  but  like- 
wise the  weight  of  the  head.  It  is  a  maxim 
practically  observed  in  all  honest,  plain-thinking, 
regular  cities,  that  an  alderman  should  be  fat,  — 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  183 

and  the  wisdom  of  this  can  be  proved  to  a  cer- 
tainty. That  the  body  is  in  some  measure  an 
image  of  the  mind,  or  rather  that  the  mind  is 
moulded  to  the  body,  like  melted  lead  to  the  clay 
in  which  it  is  cast,  has  been  insisted  on  by  many 
philosophers,  who  have  made  human  nature  their 
peculiar  study ;  for,  as  a  learned  gentleman  of 
our  own  city  observes,  "  there  is  a  constant  re- 
lation between  the  moral  character  of  all  intelli- 
gent creatures  and  their  physical  constitution, 
between  their  habits  and  the  structure  of  their 
bodies."  Thus  we  see  that  a  lean,  spare,  dimin- 
utive body  is  generally  accompanied  by  a  petu- 
lant, restless,  meddling  mind:  either  the  mind 
wears  down  the  body,  by  its  continual  motion, 
or  else  the  body,  not  affording  the  mind  sufficient 
house-room,  keeps  it  continually  in  a  state  of 
fretfulness,  tossing  and  worrying  about  from  the 
uneasiness  of  its  situation.  Whereas  your  round, 
sleek,  fat,  unwieldy  periphery  is  ever  attended  by 
a  mind  like  itself,  tranquil,  torpid,  and  at  ease ; 
and  we  may  always  observe,  that  your  well-fed, 
robustious  burghers  are  in  general  very  tenacious 
of  their  ease  and  comfort,  being  great  enemies 
to  noise,  discord,  and  disturbance,  —  and  surely 
none  are  more  likely  to  study  the  public  tranquil- 
lity than  those  who  are  so  careful  of  their  own. 
Who  ever  hears  of  fat  men  heading  a  riot,  or 
herding  together  in  turbulent  mobs  ? —  no  —  no  ; 
it  is  your  lean,  hungry  men  who  are  continu- 
ally worrying  society,  and  setting  the  whole  com- 
munity by  the  ears. 

The  divine  Plato,  whose  doctrines  are  not  suf« 


184  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

ficiently  attended  to  by  philosophers  of  the  pres- 
ent age,  allows  to  every  man  three  souls:  one, 
immortal  and  rational,  seated  in  the  brain,  that  it 
may  overlook  and  regulate  the  body ;  a  second, 
consisting  of  the  surly  and  irascible  passions 
which,  like  belligerent  powers,  lie  encamped 
around  the  heart;  a  third,  mortal  and  sensual, 
destitute  of  reason,  gross  and  brutal  in  its  pro- 
pensities, and  enchained  in  the  belly,  that  it  may 
not  disturb  the  divine  soul  by  its  ravenous  howl- 
ings.  Now,  according  to  this  excellent  theory, 
what  can  be  more  clear  than  that  your  fat  alder- 
man is  most  likely  to  have  the  most  regular  and 
well-conditioned  mind.  His  head  is  like  a  huge 
spherical  chamber,  containing  a  prodigious  mass 
of  soft  brains,  whereon  the  rational  soul  lies 
softly  and  snugly  couched,  as  on  a  feather-bed ; 
and  the  eyes,  which  are  the  windows  of  the  bed- 
chamber, are  usually  half  closed,  that  its  slum- 
berings  may  not  be  disturbed  by  external  objects. 
A  mind  thus  comfortably  lodged,  and  protected 
from  disturbance,  is  manifestly  most  likely  to 
perform  its  functions  with  regularity  and  ease. 
By  dint  of  good  feeding,  moreover,  the  mortal  and 
malignant  soul,  which  is  confined  in  the  belly,  and 
which,  by  its  raging  and  roaring,  puts  the  irritable 
soul  in  the  neighborhood  of  the  heart  in  an  intol- 
erable passion,  and  thus  renders  men  crusty  and 
quarrelsome  when  hungry,  is  completely  pacified, 
silenced,  and  put  to  rest,  —  whereupon  a  host  of 
honest,  good -fellow  qualities  and  kind-hearted 
affections,  which  had  lain  perdue,  slyly  peeping 
out  of  the  loop-holes  of  the  heart,  finding  this 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  185 

cerberus  asleep,  do  pluck  up  their  spirits,  turn 
out  one  and  all  in  their  holiday  suits,  and  gambol 
up  and  down  the  diaphragm,  —  disposing  their 
possessor  to  laughter,  good-humor,  and  a  thou- 
sand friendly  offices  towards  his  fellow-mortals. 
As  a  board  of  magistrates,  formed  on  this  prin- 
ciple, think  but  very  little,  they  are  the  less 
likely  to  differ  and  wrangle  about  favorite  opin- 
ions ;  and  as  they  generally  transact  business 
upon  a  hearty  dinner,  they  are  naturally  disposed 
to  be  lenient  and  indulgent  in  the  administration 
of  their  duties.  Charlemagne  was  conscious  of 
this,  and  therefore  ordered  in  his  cartularies,  that 
no  judge  should  hold  a  court  of  justice,  except  in 
the  morning,  on  an  empty  stomach.  —  A  pitiful 
rule,  which  I  can  never  forgive,  and  which  I 
warrant  bore  hard  upon  all  the  poor  culprits  in 
the  kingdom.  The  more  enlightened  and  humane 
generation  of  the  present  day  have  taken  an 
opposite  course,  and  have  so  managed  that  the 
aldermen  are  the  best-fed  men  in  the  community  ; 
feasting  lustily  on  the  fat  things  of  the  land,  and 
gorging  so  heartily  on  oysters  and  turtles,  that  in 
process  of  time  they  acquire  the  activity  of  the 
one,  and  the  form,  the  waddle,  and  the  green  fat 
of  the  other.  The  consequence  is,  as  I  have  just 
said,  these  luxurious  feastings  do  produce  such  a 
dulcet  equanimity  and  repose  of  the  soul,  rational 
and  irrational,  that  their  transactions  are  prover- 
bial for  unvarying  monotony  ;  and  the  profound 
laws  which  they  enact  in  their  dozing  moments, 
amid  the  labors  of  digestion,  are  quietly  suffered 
to  remain  as  dead  letters,  and  never  enforced, 


186  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

when  awake.  In  a  word,  your  fair,  round-bellied 
burgomaster,  like  a  full-fed  mastiff,  dozes  quietly 
at  the  house-door,  always  at  home,  and  always  at 
hand  to  watch  over  its  safety  ;  but  as  to  electing 
a  lean,  meddling  candidate  to  the  office,  as  has 
now  and  then  been  done,  I  would  as  lief  put  a 
greyhound  to  watch  the  house,  or  a  race-horse  to 
draw  an  ox-wagon. 

The  burgomasters,  then,  as  I  have  already  men- 
tioned, were  wisely  chosen  by  weight,  and  the 
schepens,  or  assistant  aldermen,  were  appointed  to 
attend  upon  them  and  help  them  eat ;  but  the  lat- 
ter, in  the  course  of  time,  when  they  had  been 
fed  and  fattened  into  sufficient  bulk  of  body  and 
drowsiness  of  brain,  became  very  eligible  can- 
didates for  the  burgomasters'  chairs,  having  fairly 
eaten  themselves  into  office,  as  a  mouse  eats  his 
way  into  a  comfortable  lodgment  in  a  goodly, 
blue-nosed,  skimmed-milk,  New-England  cheese. 

Nothing  could  equal  the  profound  deliberations 
that  took  place  between  the  renowned  Wouter 
and  these  his  worthy  compeers,  unless  it  be  the 
sage  divans  of  some  of  our  modern  corporations. 
They  would  sit  for  hours,  smoking  and  dozing 
over  public  affairs,  without  speaking  a  word  to 
interrupt  that  perfect  stillness  so  necessary  to 
deep  reflection.  Under  the  sober  sway  of 
Wouter  Van  Twiller  and  these  his  worthy  co- 
adjutors, the  infant  settlement  waxed  vigorous 
apace,  gradually  emerging  from  the  swamps  and 
forests,  and  exhibiting  that  mingled  appearance 
of  town  and  country,  customary  in  new  cities, 
and  which  at  this  day  may  be  witnessed  in  the 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  187 

city  of  Washington,  —  that  immense  metropolis, 
which  makes  so  glorious  an  appearance  on  paper. 

It  was  a  pleasing  sight,  in  those  times,  to 
behold  the  honest  burgher,  like  a  patriarch  of 
yore,  seated  on  the  bench  at  the  door  of  his 
whitewashed  house,  under  the  shade  of  some 
gigantic  sycamore  or  overhanging  willow.  Here 
would  he  smoke  his  pipe  of  a  sultry  afternoon, 
enjoying  the  soft  southern  breeze,  and  listening 
with  silent  gratulation  to  the  clucking  of  his  hens, 
the  cackling  of  his  geese,  and  the  sonorous  grunt- 
ing of  his  swine,  —  that  combination  of  farm-yard 
melody  which  may  truly  be  said  to  have  a  silver 
sound,  inasmuch  as  it  conveys  a  certain  assurance 
of  profitable  marketing. 

The  modern  spectator,  who  wanders  through 
the  streets  of  this  populous  city,  can  scarcely 
form  an  idea  of  the  different  appearance  they 
presented  in  the  primitive  days  of  the  Doubter. 
The  busy  hum  of  multitudes,  the  shouts  of  rev- 
elry, the  rumbling  equipages  of  fashion,  the  rat- 
tling of  accursed  carts,  and  all  the  spirit-grieving 
sounds  of  brawling  commerce,  were  unknown  in 
the  settlement  of  New  Amsterdam.  The  grass 
grew  quietly  in  the  highways ;  the  bleating 
sheep  and  frolicsome  calves  sported  about  the 
verdant  ridge,  where  now  the  Broadway  loungers 
take  their  morning  stroll ;  the  cunning  fox  or 
ravenous  wolf  skulked  in  the  woods,  where  now 
are  to  be  seen  the  dens  of  Gomez  and  his  right- 
eous fraternity  of  money-brokers ;  and  flocks  of 
vociferous  geese  cackled  about  the  fields  where 
now  the  great  Tammany  wigwam  and  the  patri- 


188  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

otic  tavern  of  Martling  echo  with  the  wranglings 
of  the  mob. 

In  these  good  times  did  a  true  and  enviable 
equality  of  rank  and  property  prevail,  equally 
removed  from  the  arrogance  of  wealth,  and  the 
servility  and  heart-burnings  of  repining  poverty ; 
and,  what  in  my  mind  is  still  more  conducive 
to  tranquillity  and  harmony  among  friends,  a 
happy  equality  of  intellect  was  likewise  to  be 
seen.  The  minds  of  the  good  burghers  of  New 
Amsterdam  seemed  all  to  have  been  cast  in  one 
mould,  and  to  be  those  honest,  blunt  minds,  which, 
like  certain  manufactures,  are  made  by  the  gross, 
and  considered  as  exceedingly  good  for  common 
use. 

Thus  it  happens  that  your  true  dull  minds  are 
generally  preferred  for  public  employ,  and  espe- 
cially promoted  to  city  honors  ;  your  keen  intel- 
lects, like  razors,  being  considered  too  sharp  for 
common  service.  I  know  that  it  is  common  to  rail 
at  the  unequal  distribution  of  riches,  as  the  great 
source  of  jealousies,  broils,  and  heart-breakings  ; 
whereas,  for  my  part,  I  verily  believe  it  is  the  sad 
inequality  of  intellect  that  prevails,  that  embroils 
communities  more  than  anything  else ;  and  I 
have  remarked  that  your  knowing  people,  who 
are  so  much  wiser  than  anybody  else,  are  eter- 
nally keeping  society  in  a  ferment.  Happily  for 
New  Amsterdam,  nothing  of  the  kind  was  known 
within  its  walls  ;  the  very  words  of  learning,  ed- 
ucation, taste,  and  talents  were  unheard  of;  a 
bright  genius  was  an  animal  unknown,  and  a  blue- 
stocking lady  would  have  been  regarded  with  as 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  189 

much  wonder  as  a  horned  frog  or  a  fiery  dragon. 
No  man,  in  fact,  seemed  to  know  more  than  his 
neighbor,  nor  any  man  to  know  more  than  an 
honest  man  ought  to  know,  who  has  nobody's 
business  to  mind  but  his  own ;  the  parson  and 
the  council  clerk  were  the  only  men  that  could 
read  in  the  community,  and  the  sage  Van  T  wilier 
always  signed  his  name  with  a  croes. 

Thrice  happy  and  ever  to  be  envied  little 
Burgh !  existing  in  all  the  security  of  harmless 
insignificance,  —  unnoticed  and  unenvied  by  the 
world,  without  ambition,  without  vainglory,  with- 
out riches,  without  learning,  and  all  their  train  of 
corking  cares ;  —  and  as  of  yore,  in  the  better 
days  of  man,  the  deities  were  wont  to  visit 
him  on  earth  and  bless  his  rural  habitations,  so, 
we  are  told,  in  the  sylvan  days  of  New  Amster- 
dam, the  good  St.  Nicholas  would  often  make  his 
appearance  in  his  beloved  city,  of  a  holiday  after- 
noon, riding  jollily  among  the  tree-tops,  or  over 
the  roofs  of  the  houses,  now  and  then  drawing  forth 
magnificent  presents  from  his  breeches-pockets, 
and  dropping  them  down  the  chimneys  of  his 
favorites.  Whereas,  in  these  degenerate  days  of 
iron  and  brass,  he  never  shows  us  the  light  of  his 
countenance,  nor  ever  visits  us,  save  one  night  in 
the  year,  when  he  rattles  down  the  chimneys  of 
the  descendants  of  patriarchs,  confining  his  pres- 
ents merely  to  the  children,  in  token  of  the  de- 
generacy of  the  parents. 

Such  are  the  comfortable  and  thriving  effects 
of  a  fat  government.  The  province  of  the  New 
Netherlands,  destitute  of  wealth,  possessed  a 


190  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

sweet  tranquillity  that  wealth  could  never  pur- 
chase. There  were  neither  public  commotions, 
nor  private  quarrels ;  neither  parties,  nor  sects, 
nor  schisms ;  neither  persecutions,  nor  trials,  nor 
punishments ;  nor  were  there  counsellors,  attor- 
neys, catchpolls,  or  hangmen.  Every  man  at- 
tended to  what  little  business  he  was  lucky  enough 
to  have,  or  neglected  it  if  he  pleased,  without 
asking  the  opinion  of  his  neighbor.  In  those 
days  nobody  meddled  with  concerns  above  his 
comprehension;  nor  thrust  his  nose  into  other 
people's  affairs ;  nor  neglected  to  correct  his  own 
conduct,  and  reform  his  own  character,  in  his 
zeal  to  pull  to  pieces  the  characters  of  others ;  — 
but,  in  a  word,  every  respectable  citizen  ate 
when  he  was  not  hungry,  drank  when  he  was  not 
thirsty,  and  went  regularly  to  bed  when  the  sun 
set  and  the  fowls  went  to  roost,  whether  he  was 
sleepy  or  not ;  all  which  tended  so  remarkably  to 
the  population  of  the  settlement,  that  I  am  told 
every  dutiful  wife  throughout  New  Amsterdam 
made  a  point  of  enriching  her  husband  with  at 
least  one  child  a  year,  and  very  often  a  brace,  — 
this  superabundance  of  good  things  clearly  consti- 
tuting the  true  luxury  of  life,  according  to  the 
favorite  Dutch  maxim,  that  "  more  than  enough 
constitutes  a  feast."  Everything,  therefore,  went 
on  exactly  as  it  should  do,  and  in  the  usual  words 
employed  by  historians  to  express  the  welfare  of 
a  country,  "  the  profoundest  tranquillity  and  repose 
reigned  throughout  the  province." 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  191 


CHAPTER  IH. 

HOW  THE  TOWN  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  AROSE  OUT  OP  MUD,  AND  CAME 
TO  BE  MARVELLOUSLY  POLISHED  AND  POLITE — TOGETHER  WITH  A, 
PICTURE  OP  T1IE  MANNERS  OP  OUR  GREAT-GREAT-GRANDFATHERS. 

•ANIFOLD  are  the  tastes  and  disposi- 
tions of  the  enlightened  literati,  who 
turn  over  the  pages  of  history.  Some 
there  be  whose  hearts  are  brimful  of  the  yeast 
of  courage,  and  whose  bosoms  do  work,  and 
swell,  and  foam,  with  untried  valor,  like  a  barrel 
of  new  cider,  or  a  train-band  captain,  fresh  from 
under  the  hands  of  his  tailor.  This  doughty 
class  of  readers  can  be  satisfied  with  nothing  but 
bloody  battles,  and  horrible  encounters;  they 
must  be  continually  storming  forts,  sacking  cities, 
springing  mines,  marching  up  to  the  muzzles  of 
cannon,  charging  bayonet  through  every  page, 
and  revelling  in  gunpowder  and  carnage.  Others, 
who  are  of  a  less  martial,  but  equally  ardent 
imagination,  and  who,  withal,  are  a  little  given 
to  the  marvellous,  will  dwell  with  wondrous 
satisfaction  on  descriptions  of  prodigies,  unheard- 
of  events,  hair-breadth  escapes,  hardy  adventures, 
and  all  those  astonishing  narrations  which  just 
amble  along  the  boundary-line  of  possibility.  A 
third  class,  who,  not  to  speak  slightly  of  them, 
are  of  a  lighter  turn,  and  skim  over  the  records 


192  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

of  past  times,  as  they  do  over  the  edifying  pages 
of  a  novel,  merely  for  relaxation  and  innocent 
amusement,  do  singularly  delight  in  treasons, 
executions,  Sabine  rapes,  Tarquin  outrages,  con- 
flagrations, murders,  and  all  the  other  catalogue 
of  hideous  crimes,  which,  like  cayenne  in  cookery, 
do  give  a  pungency  and  flavor  to  the  dull  detail 
of  history.  While  a  fourth  class,  of  more  philo- 
sophic habits,  do  diligently  pore  over  the  musty 
chronicles  of  time,  to  investigate  the  operations 
of  the  human  kind,  and  watch  the  gradual 
changes  in  men  and  manners,  effected  by  the 
progress  of  knowledge,  the  vicissitudes  of  events, 
or  the  influence  of  situation. 

If  the  three  first  classes  find  but  little  where- 
withal to  solace  themselves  in  the  tranquil  reign 
of  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  I  entreat  them  to  exert 
their  patience  for  a  while,  and  bear  with  the 
tedious  picture  of  happiness,  prosperity,  and 
peace,  which  my  duty  as  a  faithful  historian 
obliges  me  to  draw ;  and  I  promise  them,  that, 
as  soon  as  I  can  possibly  alight  on  anything 
horrible,  uncommon,  or  impossible,  it  shall  go 
hard,  but  I  will  make  it  afford  them  entertain- 
ment. This  being  premised,  I  turn  with  great 
complacency  to  the  fourth  class  of  my  readers, 
who  are  men,  or,  if  possible,  women  after  my 
own  heart;  grave,  philosophical,  and  investigat- 
ing; fond  of  analyzing  characters,  of  taking  a 
start  from  first  causes,  and  so  hunting  a  nation 
down,  through  all  the  mazes  of  innovation  and 
improvement.  Such  will  naturally  be  anxious 
to  witness  the  first  development  of  the  newly- 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  193 

hatched  colony,  and  the  primitive  manners  and 
customs  prevalent  among  its  inhabitants,  during 
the  halcyon  reign  of  Van  Twiller,  or  the  Doubter. 

I  will  not  grieve  their  patience,  however,  by 
describing  minutely  the  increase  and  improve- 
ment of  New  Amsterdam.  Their  own  imagina- 
tions will  doubtless  present  to  them  the  good 
burghers,  like  so  many  painstaking  and  persever- 
ing beavers,  slowly  and  surely  pursuing  their 
labors  :  they  will  behold  the  prosperous  trans- 
formation from  the  rude  log  hut  to  the  stately 
Dutch  mansion,  with  brick  front,  glazed  windows, 
and  tiled  roof;  from  the  tangled  thicket  to  the 
luxuriant  cabbage-garden ;  and  from  the  skulk- 
ing Indian  to  the  ponderous  burgomaster.  In  a 
word,  they  will  picture  to  themselves  the  steady, 
silent,  and  undeviating  march  of  prosperity  inci- 
dent to  a  city  destitute  of  pride  or  ambition, 
cherished  by  a  fat  government,  and  whose  citizens 
do  nothing  in  a  hurry. 

The  sage  council,  as  has  been  mentioned  in  a 
preceding  chapter,  not  being  able  to  determine 
upon  any  plan  for  the  building  of  their  city,  — 
the  cows,  in  a  laudable  fit  of  patriotism,  took  it 
under  their  peculiar  charge,  and,  as  they  went  to 
and  from  pasture,  established  paths  through  the 
bushes,  on  each  side  of  which  the  good  folks 
built  their  houses,  —  which  is  one  cause  of  the 
rambling  and  picturesque  turns  and  labyrinths 
which  distinguish  certain  streets  of  New  York 
at  this  very  day. 

The  houses  of  the  higher  class  were  generally 
constructed  of  wood,  excepting  the  gable  end, 


194  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

which  was  of  small,  black  and  yellow  Dutch  bricks, 
and  always  faced  on  the  street,  as  our  ancestors, 
like  their  descendants,  were  very  much  given  to 
outward  show,  and-  were  noted  for  putting  the 
best  leg  foremost.  The  house  was  always  fur- 
nished with  abundance  of  large  doors  and  small 
windows  on  every  floor,  the  date  of  its  erection 
was  curiously  designated  by  iron  figures  on  the 
front,  and  on  the  top  of  the  roof  was  perched  a 
fierce  little  weathercock,  to  let  the  family  into 
the  important  secret  which  way  the  wind  blew. 

These,  like  the  weathercocks  on  the  tops  of 
our  steeples,  pointed  so  many  different  ways, 
that  every  man  could  have  a  wind  to  his  mind ; 
—  the  most  stanch  and  loyal  citizens,  however, 
always  went  according  to  the  weathercock  on 
the  top  of  the  governor's  house,  which  was  cer- 
tainly the  most  correct,  as  he  had  a  trusty  ser- 
vant employed  every  morning  to  climb  up  and 
set  it  to  the  right  quarter. 

In  those  good  days  of  simplicity  and  sunshine, 
a  passion  for  cleanliness  was  the  leading  principle 
in  domestic  economy,  and  the  universal  test  of 
an  able  housewife,  —  a  character  which  formed 
the  utmost  ambition  of  our  unenlightened  grand- 
mothers. The  front -door  was  never  opened, 
except  on  marriages,  funerals,  New -Year's  days, 
the  festival  of  St.  Nicholas,  or  some  such  great 
occasion.  It  was  ornamented  with  a  gorgeous 
brass  knocker,  curiously  wrought,  sometimes  in 
the  device  of  a  dog,  and  sometimes  of  a  Dion's 
head,  and  was  daily  burnished  with  such  relig- 
ious zeal,  that  it  was  ofttimes  worn  out  by  the 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  195 

very  precautions  taken  for  its  preservation.  The 
whole  house  was  constantly  in  a  state  of  inunda- 
tion, under  the  discipline  of  mops  and  brooms 
and  scrubbing-brushes  ;  and  the  good  housewives 
of  those  days  were  a  kind  of  amphibious  animal, 
delighting  exceedingly  to  be  dabbling  in  water,  —r- 
insomuch  that  an  historian  of  the  day  gravely 
tells  us,  that  many  of  his  townswomen  grew  to 
have  webbed  fingers  like  unto  a  duck ;  and  some 
of  them,  he  had  little  doubt,  could  the  matter  be 
examined  into,  would  be  found  to  have  the  tails 
of  mermaids,  —  but  this  I  look  upon  to  be  a  mere 
sport  of  fancy,  or,  what  is  worse,  a  wilful  misrep- 
resentation. 

The  grand  parlor  was  the  sanctum  sanctorum, 
where  the  passion  for  cleaning  was  indulged 
without  control.  In  this  sacred  apartment  no 
one  was  permitted  to  enter,  excepting  the  mis- 
tress and  her  confidential  maid,  who  visited  it 
once  a  week,  for  the  purpose  of  giving  it  a  thor- 
ough cleaning,  and  putting  things  to  rights,  — 
always  taking  the  precaution  of  leaving  their  shoes 
at  the  door,  and  entering  devoutly  on  their  stock- 
ing-feet. After  scrubbing  the  floor,  sprinkling  it 
with  fine  white  sand,  which  was  curiously  stroked 
into  angles  and  curves  and  rhomboids  with  a 
broom,  —  after  washing  the  windows,  rubbing 
and  polishing  the  furniture,  and  putting  a  new 
bunch  of  evergreens  in  the  fireplace,  —  the  win- 
dow-shutters were  again  closed  to  keep  out  the 
flies,  and  the  room  cai'efully  locked  up  until  the 
revolution  of  time  brought  round  the  weekly 
cleaning-day. 


196  HISTORY  OF   NEW  YORK. 

As  to  the  family,  they  always  entered  in  at 
the  gate,  and  most  generally  lived  in  the  kitchen. 
To  have  seen  a  numerous  household  assem- 
bled round  the  fire,  one  would  have  imagined 
that  he  was  transported  back  to  those  happy 
days  of  primeval  simplicity,  which  float  before 
our  imaginations  like  golden  visions.  The  fire- 
places were  of  a  truly  patriarchal,  magnitude, 
where  the  whole  family,  old  and  young,  master 
and  servant,  black  and  white,  nay,  even  the  very 
cat  and  dog,  enjoyed  a  community  of  privilege, 
and  had  each  a  right  to  a  corner.  Here  the  old 
burgher  would  sit  in  perfect  silence,  puffing  his 
pipe,  looking  in  the  fire  with  half-shut  eyes, 
and  thinking  of  nothing  for  hours  together ;  the 
goede  vrouw,  on  the  opposite  side,  would  employ 
herself  diligently  in  spinning  yarn,  or  knitting 
stockings.  The"  young  folks  would  crowd  around 
the  hearth,  listening  with  breathless  attention  to 
some  old  crone  of  a  negro,  who  was  the  oracle 
of  the  family,  and  who,  perched  like  a  raven  in 
a  corner  of  the  chimnev,  would  croak  forth  for 
a  long  winter  afternoon  a  string  of  incredible 
stories  •  about  New  -  England  witches,  —  grisly 
ghosts,  horses  without  heads,  —  and  hair-breadth 
escapes,  and  bloody  encounters  among  the  In- 
dians. 

In  those  happy  days  a  well-r-egulated  family 
always  rose  with  the  dawn,  dined  at  eleven,  and 
went  to  bed  at  sunset.  Dinner  was  invariably  a 
private  meal,  and  the  fat  old  burghers  showed  in- 
contestible  signs  of  disapprobation  and  uneasiness 
at  being  surprised  by  a  visit  from  a  neighbor  on 


HISTORY   OF  NEW    YORK.  197 

such  occasions.  But  though  our  worthy  ances- 
tors were  thus  singularly  averse  to  giving  din- 
ners, yet  they  kept  up  the  social  bands  of  inti- 
macy by  occasional  banquetings,  called  tea-par- 
ties. 

These  fashionable  parties  were  generally  con- 
fined to  the  higher  classes,  or  noblesse,  that  is  to 
say,  such  as  kept  their  own  cows,  and  drove  their 
own  wagons.  The  company  commonly  assembled 
at  three  o'clock,  and  went  away  about  six,  unless 
it  was  in  winter-time,  when  the  fashionable  hours 
were  a  little  earlier,  that  the  ladies  might  get 
home  before  dark.  The  tea-table  was  crowned 
with  a  huge  earthen  dish,  well  stored  with  slices 
of  fat  pork,  fried  brown,  cut  up  into  morsels,  and 
swimming  in  gravy.  The  company  being  seated 
round  the  genial  board,  and  each  furnished  with 
a  fork,  evinced  their  dexterity  in  launching  at 
the  fattest  pieces  in  this  mighty  dish,  —  in  much 
the  same  manner  as  sailors  harpoon  porpoises 
at  sea,  or  our  Indians  spear  salmon  in  the  lakes. 
Sometimes  the  table  was  graced  with  immense 
apple-pies,  or  saucers  full  of  preserved  peaches 
and  pears ;  but  it  was  always  sure  to  boast  an 
enormous  dish  of  balls  of  sweetened  dough,  fried 
in  hog's  fat,  and  called  doughnuts,  or  olykoeks, — 
a  delicious  kind  of  cake,  at  present  scarce  known 
in  this  city,  except  in  genuine  Dutch  families. 

The  tea  was  served  out  of  a  majestic  Delft 
tea-pot,  ornamented  with  paintings  of  fat  little 
Dutch  shepherds  and  shepherdesses  tending  pigs, 
with  boats  sailing  in  the  air,  and  houses  built  in 
the  clouds,  and  sundry  other  ingenious  Dutch 


198  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

fantasies.  The  beaux  distinguished  themselves 
by  their  adroitness  in  replenishing  this  pot  from 
a  huge  copper  tea-kettle,  which  would  have  made 
the  pigmy  macaronies  of  these  degenerate  days 
sweat  merely  to  look  at  it.  To  sweeten  the  bev- 
erage, a  lump  of  sugar  was  laid  beside  each  cup, 
and  the  company  alternately  nibbled  and  sipped 
with  great  decorum,  until  an  improvement  was 
introduced  by  a  shrewd  and  economic  old  lady, 
which  was  to  suspend  a  large  lump  directly  over 
the  tea-table,  by  a  string  from  the  ceiling,  so  that 
it  could  be  swung  from  mouth  to  mouth,  —  an  in- 
genious expedient,  which  is  still  kept  up  by  some 
families  in  Albany,  but  which  prevails  without 
exception  in  Communipaw,  Bergen,  Flatbush, 
and  all  our  uncontaminated  Dutch  villages. 

At  these  primitive  tea-parties  the  utmost  pro- 
priety and  dignity  of  deportment  prevailed.  No 
flirting  nor  coquetting,  —  no  gambling  of  old  la- 
dies, nor  hoyden  chattering  and  romping  of  young 
ones,  —  no  self-satisfied  struttings  of  wealthy  gen- 
tlemen, with  their  brains  in  their  pockets,  nor 
amusing  conceits  and  monkey  divertisements  of 
smart  young  gentlemen,  with  no  brains  at  all.  On 
the  contrary,  the  young  ladies  seated  themselves 
demurely  in  their  rush-bottomed  chairs,  and  knit 
their  own  woollen  stockings ;  nor  ever  opened 
their  lipsexcep  ting  to  say  yah  Mynheer,  or,  yah 
ya  Vrouw,  to  any  question  that  was  asked  them  ; 
behaving  in  all  things  like  decent,  well-educated 
damsels.  As  to  the  gentlemen,  each  of  them 
tranquilly  smoked  his  pipe,  and  seemed  lost  in 
contemplation  of  the  blue  and  white  tiles  with 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  199 

which  the  fireplaces  were  decorated  ;  wherein  sun- 
dry passages  of  Scripture  were  piously  portrayed :. 
Tobit  and  his  dog  figured  to  great  advantage  ; 
Ilaman  swung  conspicuously  on  his  gibbet ;  and 
Jonah  appeared  most  manfully  bouncing  out  of 
the  whale,  like  Harlequin  through  a  barrel  of 
fire. 

The  parties  broke  up  without  noise  and  with- 
out confusion.  They  were  carried  home  by  their 
own  carriages,  that  is  to  say,  by  the  vehicles  nature 
had  provided  them,  excepting  such  of  the  wealthy 
as  could  afford  to  keep  a  wagon.  The  gentlemen 
gallantly  attended  their  fair  ones  to  their  respec- 
tive abodes,  and  took  leave  of  them  with  a  hearty 
smack  at  the  door  :  which,  as  it  was  an  estab- 
lished piece  of  etiquette,  done  in  perfect  simplici- 
ty and  honesty  of  heart,  occasioned  no  scandal  at 
that  time,  nor  should  it  at  the  present ;  —  if  our 
great-grandfathers  approved  of  the  custom,  it 
would  argue  a  great  want  of  deference  in  their 
descendants  to  say  a  word  against  it. 


200  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER   IV. 

CONTAINING  FURTHER  PARTICULARS  OP  THE  GOLDEN  Ad:;,  AND  WHAT 
CONSTITUTED  A  FINE  LADY  AND  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  DATS  OF  WAL- 
TER THE  DOUBTER. 

^N  this  dulcet  period  of  ray  history,  when 
the  beauteous  island  of  Manna-hata  pre- 
sented a  scene,  the  very  counterpart  of 
those  glowing  pictures  drawn  of  the  golden  reign 
of  Saturn,  there  was,  as  I  have  before  observed, 
a  happy  ignorance,  an  honest  simplicity  prevalent 
among  its  inhabitants,  which,  were  I  even  able  to 
depict,  would  be  but  little  understood  by  the  de- 
generate age  for  which  I  am  doomed  to  write. 
Even  the  female  sex,  those  arch  innovators  upon 
the  tranquillity,  the  honesty,  and  gray-beard  cus- 
toms of  society,  seemed  for  a  while  to  conduct 
themselves  with  incredible  sobriety  and  comeli- 
ness. 

Their  hair,  untortured  by  the  abominations  of 
art,  was  scrupulously  pomatumed  back  from  their 
foreheads  with  a  candle,  and  covered  with  a  little 
cap  of  quilted  calico,  which  fitted  exactly  to 
their  heads.  Their  petticoats  of  linsey-woolsey 
were  striped  with  a  variety  of  gorgeous  dyes,  — 
though  I  must  confess  these  gallant  garments 
were  rather  short,  scarce  reaching  below  the 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  201 

knee  ;  but  then  they  made  up  in  the  number, 
which  generally  equalled  that  of  the  gentleman's 
small-clothes ;  and  what  is  still  more  praisewor- 
thy, they  were  all  of  their  o\vn  manufacture,  — 
of  which  circumstance,  as  may  well  be  supposed, 
they  were  not  a  little  vain. 

These  were  the  honest  days  in  which  every 
woman  staid  at  home,  read  the  Bible,  and  wore 
pockets,  —  ay,  and  that  too  of  a  goodly  size,  fash- 
ioned with  patchwork  into  many  curious  devices, 
and  ostentatiously  worn  on  the  outside.  These, 
in  fact,  were  convenient  receptacles,  where  all 
good  housewives  carefully  stored  away  such 
things  as  they  wished  to  have  at  hand ;  by  which 
means  they  often  came  to  be  incredibly  crammed ; 
and  I  remember  there  was  a  story  current,  when 
I  was  a  boy,  that  the  lady  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller 
once  had  occasion  to  empty  her  right  pocket  in 
search  of  a  wooden  ladle,  when  the  contents  filled 
a  couple  of  corn-baskets,  and  the  utensil  was  dis- 
covered lying  among  some  rubbish  in  one  corner; 
—  but  we  must  not  give  too  much  faith  to  all 
these  stories,  the  anecdotes  of  those  remote  peri- 
ods being  very  subject  to  exaggeration. 

Besides  these  notable  pockets,  they  likewise 
wore  scissors  and  pin-cushions  suspended  from 
their  girdles  by  red  ribands,  or,  among  the  more 
opulent  and  showy  classes,  by  brass,  and  even  sil- 
ver chains,  —  indubitable  tokens  of  thrifty  house- 
wives and  industrious  spinsters.  I  cannot  say, 
much  in  vindication  of  the  shortness  of  the  petti- 
coats ;  it  doubtless  was  introduced  for  the  purpose 
of  giving  the  stockings  a  chance  to  be  seen,  which 


202  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

were  generally  of  blue  worsted,  with  magnificent 
red  clocks, —  or,  perhaps,  to  display  a  well-turned 
ankle,  and  a  neat,  though  serviceable  foot,  set  off 
by  a  high-heeled  leathern  shoe,  with  a  large  and 
splendid  silver  buckle.  Thus  we  find  that  the 
gentle  sex  in  all  ages  have  shown  the  same  dis- 
position to  infringe  a  little  upon  the  laws  of  deco- 
rum, in  order  to  betray  a  lurking  beauty,  or  grat- 
ify an  innocent  love  of  finery. 

From  the  sketch  here  given,  it  will  be  seen 
that  our  good  grandmothers  differed  considerably 
in  their  ideas  of  a  fine  figure  from  their  scantily 
dressed  descendants  of  the  present  day.  A  fine 
lady,  in  those  times,  waddled  under  more  clothes, 
even  on  a  fair  summer's  day,  than  would  have 
clad  the  whole  bevy  of  a  modern  ball-room. 
Nor  were  they  the  less  admired  by  the  gentle- 
men in  consequence  thereof.  On  the  contrary, 
the  greatness  of  a  lover's  passion  seemed  to  in- 
crease in  proportion  to  the  magnitude  of  its 
object,  —  and  a  voluminous  damsel,  arrayed  in  a 
dozen  of  petticoats,  was  declared  by  a  Low-Dutch 
sonneteer  of  the  province  to  be  radiant  as  a  sun- 
flower, and  luxuriant  as  a  full-blown  cabbage. 
Certain  it  is,  that  in  those  days  the  heart  of  a 
lover  could  not  contain  more  than  one  lady  at  a 
time ;  whereas  the  heart  of  a  modern  gallant  has 
often  room  enough  to  accommodate  half  a  dozen. 
The  reason  of  which  I  conclude  to  be,  that  either 
the  hearts  of  the  gentlemen  have  grown  larger, 
or  the  persons  of  the  ladies  smaller  :  this,  how- 
ever, is  a  question  for  physiologists  to  determine. 

But  there  was  a  secret  charm  in  these  petti- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  203 

coats,  which,  no  doubt,  entered  into  the  consider- 
ation of  the  prudent  gallants.  The  wardrobe  of 
a  lady  was  in  those  days  her  only  fortune  ;  and 
she  who  had  a  good  stock  of  petticoats  and  stock- 
ings was  as  absolutely  an  heiress  as  is  a  Kam- 
tchatka  damsel  with  a  store  of  bear-skins,  or  a 
Lapland  belle  with  a  plenty  of  reindeer.  The 
ladies,  therefore,  were  very  anxious  to  display 
these  powerful  attractions  to  the  greatest  advan- 
tage ;  and  the  best  rooms  in  the  house,  instead 
of  being  adorned  with  caricatures  of  dame  Na- 
ture, in  water  -  colors  and  needle  -  work,  were 
always  hung  round  with  abundance  of  homespun 
garments,  the  manufacture  and  the  property  of 
the  females,  —  a  piece  of  laudable  ostentation 
that  still  prevails  among  the  heiresses  of  our 
Dutch  villages. 

The  gentlemen,  in  fact,  who  figured  in  the  cir- 
cles of  the  gay  world  in  these  ancient  times,  cor- 
responded, in  most  particulars,  with  the  beauteous 
damsels  whose  smiles  they  were  ambitious  to 
deserve.  True  it  is,  their  merits  would  make 
but  a  very  inconsiderable  impression  upon  the 
heart  of  a  modern  fair  :  they  neither  drove  their 
curricles,  nor  sported  their  tandems,  for  as  yet 
those  gaudy  vehicles  were  not  even  dreamt  of; 
neither  did  they  distinguish  themselves  by  their 
brilliancy  at  the  table,  and  their  consequent  ren- 
contres with  watchmen,  for  our  forefathers  were 
of  too  pacific  a  disposition  to  need  those  guardians 
of  the  night,  every  soul  throughout  the  town 
being  sound  asleep  before  nine  o'clock.  Neither 
did  they  establish  their  claims  to  gentility  at  the 


204  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

expense  of  their  tailors,  for  as  yet  those  offenders 
against  the  pockets  of  society,  and  the  tranquillity 
of  all  aspiring  young  gentlemen,  were  unknown 
in  New  Amsterdam  ;  every  good  housewife  made 
the  clothes  of  her  husband  and  family,  and  even 
the  goede  vrouw  of  Van  Twiller  himself  thought 
it  no  disparagement  to  cut  out  her  husband's 
linsey-woolsey  galligaskins. 

Not  but  what  there  were  some  two  or  three 
youngsters  who  manifested  the  first  dawning  of 
what  is  called  fire  and  spirit ;  who  held  all  labor 
in  contempt;  skulked  about  docks  and  market- 
places ;  loitered  in  the  sunshine ;  squandered 
what  little  money  they  could  procure  at  hustle- 
cap  and  chuck-farthing ;  swore,  boxed,  fought 
cocks,  and  raced  their  neighbors'  horses  ;  in 
short,  who  promised  to  be  the  wonder,  the  talk, 
and  abomination  of  the  town,  had  not  their  stylish 
career  been  unfortunately  cut  short  by  an  affair 
of  honor  with  a  whipping-post. 

Far  other,  however,  was  the  truly  fashionable 
gentleman  of  those  days :  his  dress,  which  served 
for  both  morning  and  evening,  street  and  draw- 
ing-room, was  a  linsey-woolsey  coat,  made,  per- 
haps, by  the  fair  hands  of  the  mistress  of  his  af- 
fections, and  gallantly  bedecked  with  abundance 
of  large  brass  buttons ;  half  a  score  of  breeches 
heightened  the  proportions  of  his  figure  ;  his  shoes 
were  decorated  by  enormous  copper  buckles;  a 
low-crowned  broad-rimmed  hat  overshadowed  his 
burly  visage ;  and  his  hair  dangled  down  his 
back  in  a  prodigious  queue  of  eel-skin. 

Thus  equipped,  he  would  manfully  sally  forth, 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  205 

with  pipe  in  mouth,  to  besiege  some  fair  damsel's 
obdurate  heart,  —  not  such  a  pipe,  good  reader, 
as  that  which  Acis  did  sweetly  tune  in  praise  of 
his  Galatea,  but  one  of  true  Delft  manufacture, 
and  furnished  with  a  charge  of  fragrant  tobacco. 
With  this  would  he  resolutely  set  himself  down 
before  the  fortress,  and  rarely  failed,  in  the  pro- 
cess of  time,  to  smoke  the  fair  enemy  into  a  sur- 
render, upon  honorable  terms. 

Such  was  the  happy  reign  of  Wouter  Van 
T  \viller,  celebrated  in  many  a  long-forgotten  song 
as  the  real  golden  age,  the  rest  being  nothing  but 
counterfeit  copper-washed  coin.  In  that  delight- 
ful period,  a  sweet  and  holy  calm  reigned  over 
the  whole  province.  The  burgomaster  smoked 
his  pipe  in  peace  ;  the  substantial  solace  of  his 
domestic  cares,  after  her  daily  toils  were  done, 
sat  soberly  at  the  door,  with  her  arms  crossed 
over  her  apron  of  snowy  white,  without  being 
insulted  with  ribald  street-walkers  or  vagabond 
boys,  —  those  unlucky  urchins  who  do  so  infest 
our  streets,  displaying,  under  the  roses  of  youth, 
the  thorns  and  briers  of  iniquity.  Then  it  was 
that  the  lover  with  ten  breeches,  and  the  damsel 
with  petticoats  of  half  a  score,  indulged  in  all  the 
innocent  endearments  of  virtuous  love,  without 
fear  and  without  reproach  ;  for  what  had  that 
virtue  to  fear,  which  was  defended  by  a  shield  of 
good  linsey-woolseys,  equal  at  least  to  the  seven 
bull-hides  of  the  invincible  Ajax  ? 

Ah,  blissful  and  never  to  be  forgotten  age  ! 
when  everything  was  better  than  it  has  ever  been 
since,  or  ever  will  be  again,  —  when  Buttermilk 


206  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

Channel  was  quite  dry  at  low  water,  —  when  the 
shad  in  the  Hudson  were  all  salmon,  —  and  when 
the  moon  shone  with  a  pure  and  resplendent 
whiteness,  instead  of  that  melancholy  yellow  light 
which  is  the  consequence  of  her  sickening  at  the 
abominations  she  every  night  witnesses  in  this 
degenerate  city ! 

Happy  would  it  have  been  for  New  Amster- 
dam could  it  always  have  existed  in  this  state  of 
blissful  ignorance  and  lowly  simplicity  ;  but,  alas  ! 
the  days  of  childhood  are  too  sweet  to  last !  Cit- 
ies, like  men,  grow  out  of  them  in  time,  and  are 
doomed  alike  to  grow  into  the  bustle,  the  cares, 
and  miseries  of  the  world.  Let  no  man  congrat- 
ulate himself,  when  he  beholds  the  child  of  his 
bosom  or  the  city  of  his  birth  increasing  in  mag- 
nitude and  importance,  —  let  the  history  of  his 
own  life  teach  him  the  dangers  of  the  one,  and 
this  excellent  little  history  of  Manna-hata  con- 
vince him  of  the  calamities  of  the  other. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  207 


CHAPTER  V. 


SON  —  OF  THE  ARRIVAL  OF  THE  P 
HIS  LORDLY  DESCENT  UPON  THE 
CLUB-LAW. 


|T  has  already  been  mentioned,  that,  in 
the  early  times  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer, 
a  frontier-post,  or  trading-house,  called 
Fort  Aurania,  had  been  established  on  the  upper 
waters  of  the  Hudson,  precisely  on  the  site  of 
the  present  venerable  city  of  Albany ;  which 
was  at  that  time  considered  at  the  very  end  of 
the  habitable  world.  It  was,  indeed,  a  remote 
possession,  with  which,  for  a  long  time,  New 
Amsterdam  held  but  little  intercourse.  Now 
and  then  the  "  Company's  Yacht,"  as  it  was 
called,  Avas  sent  to  the  fort  with  supplies,  and  to 
bring  away  the  peltries  which  had  been  pur- 
chased of  the  Indians.  It  was  like  an  expedition 
to  the  Indias,  or  the  North  Pole,  and  always 
made  great  talk  in  the  settlement.  Sometimes 
an  adventurous  burgher  would  accompany  the 
expedition,  to  the  great  uneasiness  of  his  friends  ; 
but,  on  his  return,  had  so  many  stories  to  tell  of 
storms  and  tempests  on  the  Tappan  Zee,  of  hob- 
goblins in  the  Highlands  and  at  the  Devil's  Dans 
Kammer,  and  of  all  the  other  wonders  and  perils 
with  which  the  river  abounded  in  those  early 


208  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

days,  that  he  deterred  the  less  adventurous  in- 
habitants from  following  his  example. 

Matters  were  in  this  state,  when,  one  day,  as 
Walter  the  Doubter  and  his  burgermeesters  were 
smoking  and  pondering  over  the  affairs  of  the 
province,  they  were  roused  by  the  report  of  a 
cannon.  Sallying  forth,  they  beheld  a  strange 
vessel  at  anchor  in  the  bay.  It  was  unquestion- 
ably of  Dutch  build,  broad-bottomed  and  high- 
pooped,  and  bore  the  flag  of  their  High  Might- 
inesses at  the  mast-head. 

After  a  while,  a  boat  put  off  for  land,  and  a 
stranger  stepped  on  shore,  —  a  lofty,  lordly  kind 
of  man,  tall,  and  dry,  with  a  meagre  face,  fur- 
nished with  huge  moustaches.  He  was  clad  in 
Flemish  doublet  and  hose,  and  an  insufferably 
tall  hat,  with  a  cocktail  feather.  Such  was  the 
patroon  Killian  Van  Rensellaer,  who  had  come 
out  from  Holland  to  found  a  colony  or  patroon- 
ship  on  a  great  tract  of  wild  land,  granted  to 
him  by  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States 
General,  in  the  upper  regions  of  the  Hudson. 

Killian  Van  Rensellaer  was  a  nine  days'  won- 
der in  New  Amsterdam  ;  for  he  carried  a  high 
head,  looked  down  upon  the  portly,  short-legged 
burgomasters,  and  owned  no  allegiance  to  the. 
governor  himself;  boasting  that  he  held  his  pa- 
troonship  directly  from  the  Lords  States  General. 

He  tarried  but  a  short  time  in  New  Amster- 
dam, merely  to  beat  up  recruits  for  his  colony. 
Few,  however,  ventured  to  enlist  for  those  re- 
mote and  savage  regions  ;  and  when  they  em- 
barked, their  friends  took  leave  of  them  as  if 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  209 

they  should  never  see  them  more,  and  stood  gaz- 
ing with  tearful  eye  as  the  stout,  round-sterned 
little  vessel  ploughed  and  splashed  its  way  up 
the  Hudson,  with  great  noise  and  little  progress, 
taking  nearly  a  day  to  get  out  of  sight  of  the  city. 

And  now,  from  time  to  time,  floated  down 
tidings  to  the  Manhattoes  of  the  growing  impor- 
tance of  this  new  colony.  Every  account  repre- 
sented Killian  Van  Rensellaer  as  rising  in  impor- 
tance and  becoming  a  mighty  patroon  in  the  land. 
He  had  received  more  recruits  from  Holland. 
His  patroonship  of  Rensellaerwick  lay  imme- 
diately below  Fort  Aurania,  and  extended  for 
several  miles  on  each  side  of  the  Hudson,  beside 
embracing  the  mountainous  region  of  the  Held- 
erberg.  Over  all  this  he  claimed  to  hold  sepa- 
rate jurisdiction,  independent  of  the  colonial  au- 
thorities of  New  Amsterdam. 

All  these  assumptions  of  authority  were  duly 
reported  to  Governor  Van  Twiller  and  his  coun- 
cil, by  dispatches  from  Fort  Aurania ;  at  each 
new  report  the  governor  and  his  counsellors  look- 
ed at  each  other,  raised  their  eyebrows,  gave  an 
extra  puff  or  two  of  smoke,  and  then  relapsed 
into  their  usual  tranquillity. 

At  length  tidings  came  that  the  patroon  of 
Rensellaerwick  had  extended  his  usurpations 
along  the  river,  beyond  the  limits  granted  him 
by  their  High  Mightinesses ;  and  that  he  had 
even  seized  upon  a  rocky  island  in  the  Hudson, 
commonly  known  by  the  name  of  Beam  or  Bear's 
Island,  where  he  was  erecting  a  fortress,  to  be 
called  by  the  lordly  name  of  Rensellaerstein. 


210  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  roused  by  this  intel- 
ligence. After  consulting  with  his  burgomasters, 
he  dispatched  a  letter  to  the  patroon  of  Rensel- 
laerwick,  demanding  by  what  right  he  had  seized 
upon  this  island,  which  lay  beyond  the  bounds 
of  his  patroonship.  The  answer  of  Killian  Van 
Rensellaer  was  in  his  own  lordly  style,  "By 
wapen  recht !  "  —  that  is  to  say,  by  the  right  of 
arms,  or,  in  common  parlance,  by  club-law.  This 
answer  plunged  the  worthy  "Wouter  in  one  of 
the  deepest  doubts  he  had  in  the  whole  course 
of  his  administration;  in  the  mean  time,  while 
Wouter  doubted,  the  lordly  Killian  went  on  to 
finish  his  fortress  of  Rensellaerstein,  about  which 
I  foresee  I  shall  have  something  to  record  in  a 
future  chapter  of  this  most  eventful  history. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  211 


CHAPTER   VI. 


the  year  of  our  Lord  one  thousand 
eight  hundred  and  four,  on  a  fine  after- 
noon in  the  glowing  month  of  Septem- 
ber, I  took  my  customary  walk  upon  the  Battery, 
which  is  at  once  the  pride  and  bulwark  of  this 
ancient  and  impregnable  city  of  New  York. 
The  ground  on  which  I  trod  was  hallowed  by 
recollections  of  the  past ;  and  as  I  slowly  wan- 
dered through  the  long  alley  of  poplars,  which, 
like  so  many  birch  brooms  standing  on  end,  dif- 
fused a  melancholy  and  lugubrious  shade,  my 
imagination  drew  a  contrast  between  the  sur- 
rounding scenery  and  what  it  was  in  the  classic 
days  of  our  forefathers.  Where  the  government 
house  by  name,  but  the  custom-house  by  occupa- 
tion, proudly  reared  its  brick  walls  and  wooden 
pillars,  there  whilom  stood  the  low,  but  substan- 
tial, red-tiled  mansion  of  the  renowned  Wouter 
Van  Twiller.  Around  it  the  mighty  bulwarks 
of  Fort  Amsterdam  frowned  defiance  to  every 
absent  foe ;  but,  like  many  a  whiskered  warrior 
and  gallant  militia  captain,  confined  their  martial 
deeds  to  frowns  alone.  The  mud  breastworks 


212  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

had  long  been  levelled  with  the  earth,  and  their 
site  converted  into  the  green  lawns  and  leafy 
alleys  of  the  Battery ;  where  the  gay  apprentice 
sported  his  Sunday  coat,  and  the  laborious  me- 
chanic, relieved  from  the  dirt  and  drudgery  of  the 
week,  poured  his  weekly  tale  of  love  into  the  half 
averted  ear  of  the  sentimental  chambermaid.  The 
capacious  bay  still  presented  the  same  expansive 
sheet  of  water,  studded  with  islands,  sprinkled 
with  fishing-boats,  and  bounded  by  shores  of  pic- 
turesque beauty.  But  the  dark  forests  which 
once  clothed  those  shores  had  been  violated  by 
the  savage  hand  of  cultivation,  and  their  tangled 
mazes,  and  impenetrable  thickets,  had  degener- 
ated into  teeming  orchards  and  waving  fields  of 
grain.  Even  Governor's  Island,  once  a  smiling 
garden,  appertaining  to  the  sovereigns  of  the 
province,  was  now  covered  with  fortifications,  in- 
closing a  tremendous  block-house,  —  so  that  this 
once  peaceful  island  resembled  a  fierce  little  war- 
rior in  a  big  cocked  hat,  breathing  gunpowder 
and  defiance  to  the  world ! 

For  some  time  did  I  indulge  in  a  pensive 
train  of  thought ;  contrasting,  in  sober  sadness, 
the  present  day  with  the  hallowed  years  behind 
the  mountains ;  lamenting  the  melancholy  prog- 
ress of  improvement,  and  praising  the  zeal  with 
which  our  worthy  burghers  endeavored  to  .pre- 
serve the  wrecks  of  venerable  customs,  preju- 
dices, and  errors  from  the  overwhelming  tide 
of  modern  innovation,  —  when,  by  degrees,  my 
ideas  took  a  different  turn,  and  I  insensibly  awak- 
ened to  an  enjoyment  of  the  beauties  around  me. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  213 

It  was  one  of  those  rich  autumnal  days  which 
heaven  particularly  bestows  upon  the  beauteous 
island  of  Manna-hata  and  its  vicinity,  —  not  a 
floating  cloud  obscured  the  azure  firmament,  — 
the  sun,  rolling  in  glorious  splendor  through  his 
ethereal  course,  seemed  to  expand  his  honest 
Dutch  countenance  into  an  unusual  expression  of 
benevolence,  as  he  smiled  his  evening  salutation 
upon  a  city  which  he  delights  to  visit  with  his 
most  bounteous  beams,  —  the  very  winds  seemed 
to  hold  iu  their  breaths  in  mute  attention,  lest 
they  should  ruffle  the  tranquillity  of  the  hour,  — 
and  the  waveless  bosom  of  the  bay  presented  a 
polished  mirror,  in  which  nature  beheld  herself 
and  smiled.  The  standard  of  our  city,  reserved, 
like  a  choice  handkerchief,  for  days  of  gala,  hung 
motionless  on  the  flag-staff,  which  forms  the  han- 
dle of  a  gigantic  churn ;  and  even  the  tremulous 
leaves  of  the  poplar  and  the  aspen  ceased  to 
vibrate  to  the  breath  of  heaven.  Everything 
seemed  to  acquiesce  in  the  profound  repose  of 
nature.  The  formidable  eighteen-pounders  slept 
in  the  embrazures  of  the  wooden  batteries,  seem- 
ingly gathering  fresh  strength  to  fight  the  battles 
of  their  country  on  the  next  fourth  of  July ;  the 
solitary  drum  on  Governor's  Island  forgot  to  call 
the  garrison  to  their  shovels ;  the  evening  gun 
had  not  yet  sounded  its  signal  for  all  the  regular 
well-meaning  poultry  throughout  the  country  to 
go  to  roost ;  and  the  fleet  of  canoes,  at  anchor 
between  Gibbet  Island  and  Communipaw,  slum- 
bered on  their  rakes,  and  suffered  the  innocent 
oysters  to  lie  for  a  while  unmolested  in  the  soft 


214  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

mud  of  their  native  banks  !  My  own  feelings  sym- 
pathized with  the  contagious  tranquillity,  and  I 
should  infallibly  have  dozed  upon  one  of  those 
fragments  of  benches,  which  our  benevolent  mag- 
istrates have  provided  for  the  benefit  of  convales- 
cent loungers,  had  not  the  extraordinary  inconven- 
ience of  the  couch  set  all  repose  at  defiance. 

In  the  midst  of  this  slumber  of  the  soul,  my 
attention  was  attracted  to  a  black  speck,  peering 
above  the  western  horizon,  just  in  the  rear  of 
Bergen  steeple :  gradually  it  augments  and  over- 
hangs the  would-be  cities  of  Jersey,  Harsimus, 
and  Hoboken,  which,  like  three  jockeys,  are  start- 
ing on  the  course  of  existence,  and  jostling  each 
other  at  the  commencement  of  the  race.  Now 
it  skirts  the  long  shore  of  ancient  Pavonia, 
spreading  its  wide  shadows  from  the  high  settle- 
ments of  Weehawk  quite  to  the  lazaretto  and 
quarantine  erected  by  the  sagacity  of  our  police, 
for  the  embarrassment  of  commerce ;  now  it 
climbs  the  serene  vault  of  heaven,  cloud  rolling 
over  cloud,  shrouding  the  orb  of  day,  darkening 
the  vast  expanse,  and  bearing  thunder  and  haU 
and  tempest  in  its  bosom.  The  earth  seems  agi- 
tated at  the  confusion  of  the  'heavens ;  the  late 
waveless  mirror  is  lashed  into  furious  waves  that 
roll  in  hollow  murmurs  to  the  shore  ;  the  oyster- 
boats  that  erst  sported  in  the  placid  vicinity  of 
Gibbet  Island,  now  hurry  affrighted  to  the  land  ; 
the  poplar  Avrithes  and  twists  and  whistles  in  the 
blast ;  torrents  of  drenching  rain  and  sounding  • 
hail  deluge  the  Battery  walks ;  the  gates  are 
thronged  by  apprentices,  servant-maids,  and  little 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  215 

Frenchmen,  with  pocket-handkerchiefs  over  their 
hats,  scampering  from  the  storm ;  the  late  beau- 
teous prospect  presents  one  scene  of  anarchy  and 
wild  uproar,  as  though  old  Chaos  had  resumed 
his  reign,  and  was  hurling  back  into  one  vast  tur- 
moil the  conflicting  elements  of  nature. 

Whether  I  fled  from  the  fury  of  the  storm,  or 
remained  boldly  at  my  post,  as  our  gallant  train- 
band captains  who  march  their  soldiers  through 
the  rain  without  flinching,  are  points  which  I 
leave  to  the  conjecture  of  the  reader.  It  is  pos- 
sible he  may  be  a  little  perplexed  also  to  know 
the  reason  why  I  introduced  this  tremendous 
tempest  to  disturb  the  serenity  of  my  work.  On 
this  latter  point  I  will  gratuitously  instruct  his 
ignorance.  The  panorama  view  of  the  Battery 
was  given  merely  to  gratify  the  reader  with  a 
correct  description  of  that  celebrated  place  and 
the  parts  adjacent ;  secondly,  the  storm  was 
played  off,  partly  to  give  a  little  bustle  and  life 
to  this  tranquil  part  of  my  work,  and  to  keep  my 
drowsy  readers  from  falling  asleep,  and  partly  to 
serve  as  an  overture  to  the  tempestuous  times 
which  are  about  to  assail  the  pacific  province  of 
Nieuw  Nederlandts,  and  which  overhang  the 
slumbrous  administration  of  the  renowned  Wou- 
ter  Van  Twiller.  It  is  thus  the  experienced 
playwright  puts  all  the  fiddles,  the  French-horns, 
the  kettle-drums,  and  trumpets  of  his  orchestra  in 
requisition,  to  usher  in  one  of  those  horrible  and 
brimstone  uproars  called  Melodrames,  —  and  it  is 
thus  he  discharges  his  thunder,  his  lightning,  his 
rosin,  and  saltpetre,  preparatory  to  the  rising  of 


216  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORK. 

a  ghost  or  the  murdering  of  a  hero.     We  will 
now  proceed  with  our  history. 

Whatever  may  be  advanced  by  philosophers  to 
the  contrary,  I  am  of  opinion,  that,  as  to  na- 
tions, the  old  maxim,  that  "  honesty  is  the  best 
policy,"  is  a  sheer  and  ruinous  mistake.  It 
might  have  answered  well  enough  in  the  honest 
times  when  it  was  made  ;  but  in  these  degenerate 
days,  if  a  nation  pretends  to  rely  merely  upon 
the  justice  of  its  dealings,  it  will  fare  something 
like  the  honest  man  who  fell  among  thieves,  and 
found  his  honesty  a  poor  protection  against  bad 
company.  Such,  at  least,  was  the  case  with  the 
guileless  government  of  the  New  Netherlands; 
which,  like  a  worthy  unsuspicious  old  burgher, 
quietly  settled  itself  down  in  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam,  as  into  a  snug  elbow-chair,  and  fell 
into  a  comfortable  nap,  while,  in  the  mean  time, 
its  cunning  neighbors  stepped  in  and  picked  its 
pockets.  In  a  word,  we  may  ascribe  the  com- 
mencement of  all  the  woes  of  this  great  province, 
and  its  magnificent  metropolis,  to  the  tranquil 
security,  or,  to  speak  more  accurately,  to  the 
unfortunate  honesty  of  its  government.  But  as 
I  dislike  to  begin  an  important  part  of  my  history 
towards  the  end  of  a  chapter,  and  as  my  readers, 
like  myself,  must  doubtless  be  exceedingly  fa- 
tigued with  the  long  walk  we  have  taken,  and 
the  tempest  we  have  sustained,  I  hold  it  meet  we 
shut  up  the  book,  smoke  a  pipe,  and,  having  thus 
refreshed  our  spirits,  take  a  fair  start  in  a  new 
chapter. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  217 


CHAPTER   VH. 

FAITHFULLY  DESCRIBING  THE  INGENIOUS  PEOPLE  OP  CONNECTICUT  AND 
THERKABOUTS  —  SHOWING,  MOREOVER  THE  TRUE  MEANING  OP  LIBERTY 
OF  CONSCIENCE,  AND  A  CURIOUS  DEVICE  AMONG  THESE  STURDY  BAR- 
BARIANS TO  KEEP  UP  A  HARMONY  OF  INTERCOURSE,  AND  PROMOTE 
POPULATION. 

'HAT  my  readei-s  may  the  more  fully 
comprehend  the  extent  of  the  calamity, 
at  this  very  moment  impending  over 
the  honest,  unsuspecting  province  of  Nieuw  Ned- 
erlandts,  and  its  dubious  governor,  it  is  necessary 
that  I  should  give  some  account  of  a  horde  of 
strange  barbarians,  bordering  upon  the  eastern 
frontier. 

Now  so  it  came  to  pass,  that,  many  years  pre- 
vious to  the  time  of  which  we  are  treating,  the 
sage  cabinet  of  England  had  adopted  a  certain 
national  creed,  a  kind  of  public  walk  of  faith,  or 
rather  a  religious  turnpike,  in  which  every  loyal 
subject  was  directed  to  travel  to  Zion,  — •  taking 
care  to  pay  the  toll-gatherers  by  the  way. 

Albeit  a  certain  shrewd  race  of  men,  being 
very  much  given  to  indulge  their  own  opinions 
on  all  manner  of  subjects,  (a  propensity  exceed- 
ingly offensive  to  your  free  governments  of  Eu- 
rope,) did  most  presumptuously  dare  to  think  for 
themselves  in  matters  of  religion,  exercising  what 
they  considered  a  natural  and  unextinguishable 
right  —  the  liberty  of  conscience. 


218  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

As,  however,  they  possessed  that  ingenuous 
habit  of  mind  which  always  thinks  aloud,  which 
rides  cock-a-hoop  on  the  tongue,  and  is  forever 
galloping  into  other  people's  ears,  it  naturally 
followed  that  their  liberty  of  conscience  likewise 
implied  liberty  of  speech,  which  being  freely 
indulged,  soon  put  the  country  in  a  hubbub,  and 
aroused  the  pious  indignation  of  the  vigilant 
fathers  of  the  church. 

The  usual  methods  were  adopted  to  reclaim 
them,  which  in  those  days  were  considered  effica- 
cious in  bringing  back  stray  sheep  to  the  fold ; 
that  is  to  say,  they  were  coaxed,  they  were 
admonished,  they  were  menaced,  they  were  buf- 
feted, —  line  upon  line,  precept  upon  precept,  lash 
upon  lash,  here  a  little  and  there  a  great  deal, 
were  exhorted  without  mercy  and  without  suc- 
cess, —  until  the  worthy  pastors  of  the  church, 
wearied  out  by  their  unparalleled  stubbornness, 
were  driven,  in  the  excess  of  their  tender  mercy, 
to  adopt  the  Scripture  text,  and  literally  to  "  heap 
live  embers  on  their  heads." 

Nothing,  however,  could  subdue  that  indepen- 
dence of  the  tongue  which  has  ever  distinguished 
this  singular  race,  so  that,  rather  than  subject 
that  heroic  member  to  further  tyranny,  they  one 
and  all  embai-ked  for  the  wilderness  of  America, 
to  enjoy,  unmolested,  the  inestimable  right  of 
talking.  And,  in  fact,  no  sooner  did  they  land 
upon  the  shore  of  this  free-spoken  country,  than 
they  all  lifted  up  their  voices,  and  made  such  a 
clamor  of  tongues,  that  we  are  told  they  fright- 
ened every  bird  and  beast  out  of  the  neighbor- 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  219 

hood,  and  struck  such  mute  terror  into  certain 
fish,  that  they  have  been  called  dumb-fish  ever 
since. 

This  may  appear  marvellous,  but  it  is  never- 
theless true ;  in  proof  of  which  I  would  observe, 
that  the  dumb-fish  has  ever  since  become  an 
object  of  superstitious  reverence,  and  forms  the 
Saturday's  dinner  of  every  true  Yankee. 

The  simple  aborigines  of  the  land  for  a  while 
contemplated  these  strange  folk  in  utter  astonish- 
ment ;  but  discovering  that  they  wielded  harm- 
less though  noisy  weapons,  and  were  a  lively, 
ingenious,  good-humored  races  of  men,  they  be- 
came very  friendly  and  sociable,  and  gave  them 
the  name  of  Yanokies,  which  in  the  Mais-Tchu- 
saeg  (or  Massachusett)  language  signifies  silent 
men,  —  a  waggish  appellation,  since  shortened  into 
the  familiar  epithet  of  YANKEES,  which  they 
retain  unto  the  present  day. 

True  it  is,  and  my  fidelity  as  an  historian  will 
not  allow  me  to  pass  over  the  fact,  that,  having 
served  a  regular  apprenticeship  in  the  school  of 
persecution,  these  ingenious  people  soon  showed 
that  they  had  become  masters  of  the  art.  The 
great  majority  were  of  one  particular  mode  of 
thinking  in  matters  of  religion ;  but,  to  their 
great  surprise  and  indignation,  they  found  that 
divers  papists,  quakers,  and  anabaptists  were 
springing  up  among  them,  and  all  claiming  to  xise 
the  liberty  of  speech.  This  was  at  once  pronounced 
a  daring  abuse  of  the  liberty  of  conscience,  which 
they  now  insisted  was  nothing  more  than  the 
liberty  to  think  as  one  pleased  in  matters  of 


220  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

religion  —  provided  one  thought  right ;  for  other- 
wise it  would  be  giving  a  latitude  to  damnable 
heresies.  Now  as  they,  the  majority,  were  con- 
vinced that  they  alone  thought  right,  it  conse- 
quently followed,  that  whoever  thought  different 
from  them  thought  wrong, — and  whoever  thought 
wrong,  and  obstinately  persisted  in  not  being 
convinced  and  converted,  was  a  flagrant  violator 
of  the  inestimable  liberty  of  conscience,  and  a 
corrupt  and  infectious  member  of  the  body  poli- 
tic, and  deserved  to  be  lopped  off  and  cast  into 
the  fire.  The  consequence  of  all  which  was  a 
fiery  persecution  of  divers  sects,  and  especially 
of  quakers. 

Now  I  '11  warrant  there  are  hosts  of  my  read- 
ers, ready  at  once  to  lift  up  their  hands  and  eyes, 
with  that  virtuous  indignation  with  which  we 
contemplate  the  faults  and  errors  of  our  neigh- 
bors, and  to  exclaim  at  the  preposterous  idea  of 
convincing  the  mind  by  tormenting  the  body, 
and  establishing  the  doctrine  of  charity  and  for- 
bearance by  intolerant  persecution.  But  in  sim- 
ple truth,  what  are  we  doing  at  this  very  day, 
and  in  this  very  enlightened  nation,  but  acting 
upon  the  very  same  principle  in  our  political  con- 
troversies ?  Have  we  not  within  but  a  few  years 
released  ourselves  from  the  shackles  of  a  govern- 
ment which  cruelly  denied  us  the  privilege  of 
governing  ourselves,  and  using  in  full  latitude 
that  invaluable  member,  the  tongue  ?  and  are  we 
not  at  this  very  moment  striving  our  best  to 
tyrannize  over  the  opinions,  tie  up  the  tongues, 
and  ruin  the  fortunes  of  one  another  ?  What 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  221 

are  our  great  political  societies,  but  mere  political 
inquisitions,  —  our  pot-house  committees,  but  lit- 
tle tribunals  of  denunciation,  —  our  newspapers, 
but  mere  whipping-posts  and  pillories,  where 
unfortunate  individuals  are  pelted  with  rotten 
eggs,  —  and  our  council  of  appointment,  but  a 
grand  auto  da  fe,  where  culprits  are  annually 
sacrificed  for  their  political  heresies  ? 

Where,  then,  is  the  difference  in  principle 
between  our  measures  and  those  you  are  so 
ready  to  condemn  among  the  people  I  am  treat- 
ing of?  There  is  none  ;  the  difference  is  merely 
circumstantial.  Thus  we  denounce,  instead  of 
banishing,  —  we  libel,  instead  of  scourging,  —  we 
turn  out  of  office,  instead  of  hanging,  —  and 
where  they  burnt  an  offender  in  proper  person, 
we  either  tar  and  feather,  or  burn  him  in  effigy, 

—  this    political    persecution  being,  somehow  or 
other,  the  grand  palladium  of  our  liberties,  and 
an    incontrovertible    proof    that    this    is    a  free 
country  ! 

But  notwithstanding  the  fervent  zeal  with 
which  this  holy  war  was  prosecuted  against  the 
whole  race  of  unbelievers,  we  do  not  find  that 
the  population  of  this  new  colony  was  in  any 
wise  hindered  thereby ;  on  the  contrary,  they 
multiplied  to  a  degree  which  would  be  incredible 
to  any  man  unacquainted  with  the  marvellous 
fecundity  of  this  growing  country. 

This  amazing  increase  may,  indeed,  be  partly 
ascribed  to  a  singular  custom  prevalent  among 
them,  commonly  known  by  the  name  of  bundling, 

—  a   superstitious    rite  observed   by  the    young 


222  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

people  of  both  sexes,  with  which  they  usually 
terminated  their  festivities,  and  which  was  kept 
up  with  religious  strictness  by  the  more  bigoted 
part  of  the  community.  This  ceremony  was 
likewise,  in  those  primitive  times,  considered  as 
an  indispensable  preliminary  to  matrimony,  their 
courtships  commencing  where  ours  usually  finish, 
—  by  which  means  they  acquired  that  intimate 
acquaintance  with  each  other's  good  qualities 
before  marriage,  which  has  been  pronounced  by 
philosophers  the  sure  basis  of  a  happy  union. 
Thus  early  did  this  cunning  and  ingenious  people 
display  a  shrewdness  of  making  a  bargain,  which 
has  ever  since  distinguished  them,  —  and  a  strict 
adherence  to  the  good  old  vulgar  maxim  about 
"  buying  a  pig  in  a  poke." 

To  this  sagacious  custom,  therefore,  do  I  chiefly 
attribute  the  unparalleled  increase  of  the  Yanokie 
or  Yankee  race ;  for  it  is  a  certain  fact,  well 
authenticated  by  court  records  and  parish  regis- 
ters, that,  wherever  the  pi'actice  of  bundling  pre- 
vailed, there  was  an  amazing  number  of  sturdy 
brats  annually  born  unto  the  State,  without  the 
license  of  the  law,  or  the  benefit  of  clergy.  Nei- 
ther did  the  irregularity  of  their  birth  operate  in 
the  least  to  their  disparagement.  On  the  contrary, 
they  grew  up  a  long-sided,  raw-boned,  hardy  race 
of  whoreson  whalers,  wood -cutters,  fishermen, 
and  peddlers,  and  strapping  corn-fed  wenches,  — 
who  by  their  united  efforts  tended  marvellously 
towards  peopling  those  notable  tracts  of  country 
called  Nantucket,  Piscataway,  and  Cape  Cod. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  223 


CHAPTER   Vni. 

OW  THESE  SINGULAR  BARBARIANS  TURNED  OUT  TO 
SQUATTERS  — HOW  THEY  BUILT  AIR-CASTLES,  AND 
INITIATE  THE  NEDERLANDERS  INTO  THE  MYSTERY  OP  BUNDLING. 

N  the  last  chapter  I  have  given  a  faith- 
ful and  unprejudiced  account  of  the 
origin  of  that  singular  race  of  people 
inhabiting  the  country  eastward  of  the  Nieuw 
Nederlandts  ;  but  I  have  yet  to  mention  certain 
peculiar  habits  which  rendered  them  exceedingly 
annoying  to  our  ever-honored  Dutch  ancestors. 

The  most  prominent  of  these  was  a  certain 
rambling  propensity,  with  which,  like  the  sons 
of  Ishmael,  they  seem  to  have  been  gifted  by 
heaven,  and  Avhich  continually  goads  them  on  to 
shift  their  residence  from  place  to  place,  so  that 
a  Yankee  farmer  is  in  a  constant  state  of  migra- 
tion, tarrying  occasionally  here  and  there,  clear- 
ing lands  for  other  people  to  enjoy,  building 
houses  for  others  to  inhabit,  and  in  a  manner 
may  be  considered  the  wandering  Arab  of  Amer- 
ica. 

His  first  thought,  on  coming  to  years  of  man- 
hood, is  to  settle  himself  in  the  world,  —  which 
means  nothing  more  nor  less  than  to  begin  his 
rambles.  To  this  end  he  takes  unto  himself 
for  a  wife  some  buxom  country  heiress,  passing 


224  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

rich  in  red  ribbons,  glass  beads,  and  mock  tor- 
toise-shell combs,  with  a  white  gown  and  morocco 
shoes  for  Sunday,  and  deeply  skilled  in  the  mys- 
tery of  making  apple-sweetmeats,  long  sauce,  and 
pumpkin-pie. 

Having  thus  provided  himself,  like  a  peddler 
with  a  heavy  knapsack,  wherewith  to  regale  his 
shoulders  through  the  journey  of  life,  he  literally 
sets  out  on  the  peregrination.  His  whole  fam- 
ily, household-furniture,  and  farming-utensils  are 
hoisted  into  a  covered  cart,  his  own  and  his  wife's 
wardrobe  packed  up  in  a  firkin,  —  which  done, 
he  shoulders  his  axe,  takes  staff  in  hand,  whistles 
"  Yankee  doodle,"  and  trudges  off  to  the  woods, 
as  confident  of  the  protection  of  Providence,  and 
relying  as  cheerfully  upon  his  own  resources, 
as  ever  did  a  patriarch  of  yore  when  he  jour- 
neyed into  a  strange  country  of  the  Gentiles. 
Having  buried  himself  in  the  wilderness,  he 
builds  himself  a  log  hut,  clears  away  a  cornfield 
and  potato-patch,  and,  Providence  smiling  upon 
his  labors,  is.  soon  surrounded  by  a  snug  farm 
and  some  half  a  score  of  flaxen-headed  urchins, 
who,  by  their  size,  seem  to  have  sprung  all  at 
once  out  of  the  earth,  like  a  crop  of  toadstools. 

But  it  is  not  the  nature  of  this  most  indefati- 
gable of  speculators  to  rest  contented  with  any 
state  of  sublunary  enjoyment :  improvement  is 
his  darling  passion  ;  and  having  thus  improved 
his  lands,  the  next  care  is  to  provide  a  mansion 
worthy  the  residence  of  a  landholder.  A  huge 
palace  of  pine  boards  immediately  springs  up 
in  the  midst  of  the  wilderness,  large  enough  for 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  225 

a  parish  church,  and  furnished  with  windows  of 
all  dimensions,  but  so  rickety  and  flimsy  withal, 
that  every  blast  gives  it  a  fit  of  the  ague. 

By  the  time  the  outside  of  this  mighty  air- 
castle  is  completed,  either  the  funds  or  the  zeal 
of  our  adventurer  is  exhausted,  so  that  he  barely 
manages  to  furnish  one  room  within,  where  the 
whole  family  burrow  together,  —  while  the  rest 
of  the  house  is  devoted  to  the  curing  of  pump- 
kins, or  storing  of  carrots  and  potatoes,  and  is 
decorated  with  fanciful  festoons  of  dried  apples 
and  peaches.  The  outside,  remaining  unpainted, 
grows  venerably  black  with  time;  the  family 
wardrobe  is  laid  under  contribution  for  old  hats, 
petticoats,  and  breeches,  to  stuff  into  the  broken 
windows,  while  the  four  winds  of  heaven  keep 
up  a  whistling  and  howling  about  this  aerial  pal- 
ace, and  play  as  many  unruly  gambols  as  they 
did  of  yore  in  the  cave  of  old  JEolus. 

The  humble  log  hut,  which  whilom  nestled 
this  improving  family  snugly  within  its  narrow 
but  comfortable  walls,  stands  hard  by,  in  igno- 
minious contrast,  degraded  into  a  cow-house  or 
pig-sty ;  and  the  whole  scene  reminds  one  forci- 
bly of  a  fable,  which  I  am  surprised  has  never 
been  recorded,  of  an  aspiring  snail,  who  aban- 
doned his  humble  habitation,  which  he  had  long 
filled  Avith  great  respectability,  to  crawl  into  the 
empty  shell  of  a  lobster,  —  where  he  would  no 
doubt  have  resided  with  great  style  and  splen- 
dor, the  envy  and  the  hate  of  all  the  painstaking 
snails  in  the  neighborhood,  had  he  not  perished 
with  cold  in  one  corner  of  his  stupendous  mansion. 


226  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

Being  thus  completely  settled,  and,  to  use  his 
own  words,  "  to  rights,"  one  would  imagine  that 
he  would  begin  to  enjoy  the  comforts  of  his  sit- 
uation, —  to  read  newspapers,  talk  politics,  neg- 
lect his  own  business,  and  attend  to  the  affairs 
of  the  nation,  like  a  useful  and  patriotic  citizen ; 
but  now  it  is  that  his  wayward  disposition  begins 
again  to  operate.  He  soon  grows  tired  of  a  spot 
where  there  is  no  longer  any  room  for  improve- 
ment,—  sells  his  farm,  air-castle,  petticoat  win- 
dows and  all,  reloads  his  cart,  shoulders  his  axe, 
puts  himself  at  the  head  of  his  family,  and 
wanders  away  in  search  of  new  lands,  —  again 
to  fell  trees,  —  again  to  clear  cornfields,  —  again 
to  build  a  shingle  palace,  and  again  to  sell  off 
and  wander.  Such  were  the  people  of  Connect- 
icut, who  bordered  upon  the  eastern  frontier  of 
New  Netherlands ;  and  my  readers  may  easily 
imagine  what  uncomfortable  neighbors  this  light- 
hearted  but  restless  tribe  must  have  been  to  our 
tranquil  progenitors.  If  they  cannot,  I  would 
ask  them  if  they  have  ever  known  one  of  our 
regular,  well-organized  Dutch  families,  whom  it 
hath  pleased  heaven  to  afflict  with  the  neighbor- 
hood of  a  French  boarding-house  ?  The  honest 
old  burgher  cannot  take  his  afternoon's  pipe  on 
the  bench  before  his  door,  but  he  is  persecuted 
with  the  scraping  of  fiddles,  the  chattering  of 
women,  and  the  squalling  of  children ;  he  cannot 
sleep  at  night  for  the  horrible  melodies  of  some 
amateur,  who  chooses  to  serenade  the  moon,  and 
display  his  terrible  proficiency  in  execution,  on 
the  clarionet,  hautboy,  or  some  other  soft-toned 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  227 

instrument ;  nor  can  he  leave  the  street-door 
open,  but  his  house  is  denied  by  the  unsavory 
visits  of  a  troop  of  pup-dogs,  who  even  some- 
times carry  their  loathsome  ravages  into  the 
sanctum  sanctorum,  the  parlor ! 

If  my  readers  have  ever  witnessed  the  suffer- 
ings of  such  a  family,  so  situated,  they  may  form 
some  idea  how  our  worthy  ancestors  were  dis- 
tressed by  their  mercurial  neighbors  of  Connecti- 
cut. 

Gangs  of  these  marauders,  we  are  told,  pene- 
trated into  the  New  ISetherland  settlements,  and 
threw  whole  villages  into  consternation  by  their 
unparalleled  volubility  and  their  intolerable  in- 
quisitiveness,  —  two  evil  habits  hitherto  unknown 
in  those  parts,  or  only  known  to  be  abhorred ; 
for  our  ancestors  were  noted  as  being  men  of 
truly  Spartan  taciturnity,  and  who  neither  knew 
nor  cared  aught  about  anybody's  concerns  but 
their  own.  Many  enormities  were  committed  on 
the  highways,  where  several  unoffending  bur- 
ghers were  brought  to  a  stand,  and  tortured  with 
questions  and  guesses,  —  which  outrages  occa- 
sioned as  much  vexation  and  heart-burning  as 
does  the  modern  right  of  search  on  the  high  seas. 

Great  jealousy  did  they  likewise  stir  up,  by 
their  intermeddling  and  successes  among  the 
divine  sex ;  for,  being  a  race  of  brisk,  likely, 
pleasant-tongued  varlets,  they  soon  seduced  the 
light  affections  of  the  simple  damsels  from  their 
ponderous  Dutch  gallants.  Among  other  hideous 
customs,  they  attempted  to  introduce  among  them 
that  of  bundling,  which  the  Dutch  lasses  of  the 
Nederlandts,  with  that  eager  passion  for  novelty 


228  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

and  foreign  fashions  natural  to  their  sex,  seemed 
very  well  inclined  to  follow,  but  that  their  moth- 
ers, being  more  experienced  in  the  world,  and 
better  acquainted  with  men  and  things,  strenu- 
ously discountenanced  all  such  outlandish  inno- 
vations. 

But  what  chiefly  operated  to  embroil  our  an- 
cestors with  these  strange  folk,  was  an  unwar- 
rantable liberty  which  they  occasionally  took  of 
entering  in  hordes  into  the  territories  of  the  New 
Netherlands,  and  settling  themselves  down,  with- 
out leave  or  license,  to  improve  the  land,  in  the 
manner  I  have  before  noticed.  This  unceremo- 
nious mode  of  taking  possession  of  new  land  was 
technically  termed  squatting,  and  hence  is  derived 
the  appellation  of  squatters,  —  a  name  odious  in 
the  ears  of  all  great  landholders,  and  which  is 
given  to  those  enterprising  worthies  who  seize 
upon  land  first,  and  take  their  chance  to  make 
good  their  title  to  it  afterwards. 

All  these  grievances,  and  many  others  which 
were  constantly  accumulating,  tended  to  form 
that  dark  and  portentous  cloud,  which,  as  I  ob- 
served in  a  former  chapter,  was  slowly  gathering 
over  the  tranquil  province  of  New  Netherlands. 
The  pacific  cabinet  of  Van  Twiller,  however,  as 
will  be  perceived  in  the  sequel,  bore  them  all 
with  a  magnanimity  that  redounds  to  their  immor- 
tal credit,  becoming  by  passive  endurance  inured 
to  this  increasing  mass  of  wrongs,  —  like  that 
mighty  man  of  old,  who,  by  dint  of  carrying 
about  a  calf  from  the  time  it  was  born,  continued 
to  carry  it  without  difficulty  when  it  had  grown 
to  be  an  ox. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  229 


CHAPTER   IX. 

HOW  THE  FORT  GOED  HOOP  WAS  FEARFULLY  BELEAGUERED — HOW  THE 
RENOWNED  WOUTER  FELL  INTO  A  PROFOUND  DOUBT,  AND  HOW  HE 
FINALLY  EVAPORATED. 

this  time  my  readers  must  fully  per- 
ceive what  an  arduous  task  I  have 
undertaken,  —  exploring  a  little  kind  of 
Herculaneum  of  history,  which  had  lain  nearly 
for  ages  buried  under  the  rubbish  of  years,  and 
almost  totally  forgotten,  —  raking  up  the  limbs 
and  fragments  of  disjointed  facts,  and  endeav- 
oring to  put  them  scrupulously  together,  so  as  to 
restore  them  to  their  original  form  and  connec- 
tion, —  how  lugging  forth  the  character  of  an 
almost  forgotten  hero,  like  a  mutilated  statue, 
now  deciphering  a  half-defaced  inscription,  and 
now  lighting  upon  a  mouldering  manuscript, 
which,  after  painful  study,  scarce  repays  the 
trouble  of  perusal. 

In  such  case,  how  much  has  the  reader  to 
depend  upon  the  honor  and  probity  of  his  author, 
lest,  like  a  cunning  antiquarian,  he  either  impose 
upon  him  some  spurious  fabrication  of  his  own 
for  a  precious  relic  of  antiquity,  or  else  dress  up 
the  dismembered  fragment  with  such  false  trap- 
pings, that  it  is  scarcely  possible  to  distinguish 
the  truth  from  the  fiction  with  which  it  is  envel- 
oped. This  is  a  grievance  which  I  have  more 


230  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

than  once  had  to  lament,  in  the  course  of  my 
wearisome  researches  among  the  works  of  my 
fellow-historians,  who  have  strangely  disguised 
and  distorted  the  facts  respecting  this  country ; 
and  particularly  respecting  the  great  province  of 
New  Netherlands  ;  as  will  be  perceived  by  any 
who  will  take  the  trouble  to  compare  their  ro- 
mantic effusions,  tricked  out  in  the  meretricious 
gauds  of  fable,  with  this  authentic  history. 

I  have  had  more  vexations  of  the  kind  to  en- 
counter, in  those  parts  of  my  history  which  treat 
of  the  transactions  on  the  eastern  border,  than  in 
any  other,  in  consequence  of  the  troops  of  histo- 
rians who  have  infested  these  quarters,  and  have 
shown  the  honest  people  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts 
no  mercy  in  their  works.  Among  the  rest,  Mr. 
Benjamin  Trumbull  arrogantly  declares,  that 
"  the  Dutch  were  always  mere  intruders."  Now, 
to  this  I  shall  make  no  other  reply  than  to  pro- 
ceed in  the  steady  narration  of  my  history,  which 
will  contain  not  only  proofs  that  the  Dutch  had 
clear  title  and  possession  in  the  fair  valleys  of 
the  Connecticut,  and  that  they  were  wrongfully 
dispossessed  thereof,  but  likewise,  that  they  have 
been  scandalously  maltreated  ever  since  by  the 
misrepresentations  of  the  crafty  historians  of 
New  England.  And  in  this  I  shall  be  guided 
by  a  spirit  of  truth  and  impartiality,  and  a  regard 
to  immortal  fame  ;  for  I  would  not  wittingly  dis- 
honor my  work  by  a  single  falsehood,  misrepre- 
sentation, or  prejudice,  though  it  should  gain  our 
forefathers  the  whole  country  of  New  England. 

I  have  already  noticed,  in  a  former  chapter  of 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  231 

my  history,  that  the  territories  of  the  Nieuw 
Nederlandts  extended  on  the  east,  quite  to  the 
Varsche  or  fresh,  or  Connecticut  river.  Here, 
at  an  early  period,  had  been  established  a  frontier 
post  on  the  bank  of  the  river,  and  called  Fort 
Goed  Hoop,  -not  far  from  the  site  of  the  present 
fair  city  of  Hartford.  It  was  placed  under  the 
command  of  Jacobus  Van  Curlet,  or  Curlis,  as 
some  historians  will  have  it,  —  a  doughty  soldier, 
of  that  stomachful  class  famous  for  eating  all  they 
kill.  He  was  long  in  the  body  and  short  in  the 
limb,  as  though  a  tall  man's  body  had  been  mount- 
ed on  a  little  man's  legs.  He  made  up  for  this 
turnspit  construction  by  striding  to  such  an  ex- 
tent, that  you  would  have  sworn  he  had  on  the 
seven-leagued  boots  of  Jack  the  Giant-killer;  and 
so  high  did  he  tread  on  parade,  that  his  soldiei'S 
were  sometimes  alarmed  lest  he  should  trample 
himself  under  foot. 

But  notwithstanding  the  erection  of  this  fort 
and  the  appointment  of  this  ugly  little  man  of 
war  as  commander,  the  Yankees  continued  the 
interlopings  hinted  at  in  my  last  chapter,  and  at 
length  had  the  audacity  to  squat  themselves  down 
within  the  jurisdiction  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop. 

The  long-bodied  Van  Curlet  protested  with 
great  spirit  against  these  unwarrantable  encroach- 
ments, couching  his  protest  in  Low  Dutch,  by 
way  of  inspiring  more  terror,  and  forthwith  dis- 
patched a  copy  of  the  protest  to  the  governor  at 
New  Amsterdam,  together  with  a  long  and  bitter 
account  of  the  aggressions  of  the  enemy.  This 
done,  he  ordered  his  men,  one  and  all,  to  be  of 


232  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

good  cheer,  shut  the  gate  of  the  fort,  smoked  three 
pipes,  went  to  bed,  and  awaited  the  result  with  a 
resolute  and  intrepid  tranquillity,  that  greatly  ani- 
mated his  adherents,  and  no  doubt  struck  sore 
dismay  and  affright  into  the  hearts  of  the  enemy. 
Now  it  came  to  pass,  that  about  this  time  the 
renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  full  of  years  and 
honors,  and  council  -  dinners,  had  reached  that 
period  of  life  and  faculty  which,  according  to  the 
great  Gulliver,  entitles  a  man  to  admission  into 
the  ancient  order  of  Struldbruggs.  He  em- 
ployed his  time  in  smoking  his  Turkish  pipe, 
amid  an  assemblage  of  sages,  equally  enlightened 
and  nearly  as  venerable  as  himself,  and  who, 
for  their  silence,  their  gravity,  their  wisdom, 
and  their  cautious  averseness  to  coming  to  any 
conclusion  in  business,  are  only  to  be  equalled 
by  certain  profound  corporations  which  I  have 
known  in  my  time.  Upon  reading  the  protest 
of  the  gallant  Jacobus  Van  Curlet,  therefore, 
his  excellency  fell  straightway  into  one  of  the 
deepest  doubts  that  ever  he  was  known  to  en- 
counter ;  his  capacious  head  gradually  drooped 
on  his  chest,  he  closed  his  eyes,  and  inclined  his 
ear  to  one  side,  as  if  listening  with  great  atten- 
tion to  the  discussion  that  was  going  on  in  his 
belly,  —  and  which  all  who  knew  him  declared 
to  be  the  huge  court-house  or  council-chamber  of 
his  thoughts,  forming  to  his  head  what  the  house 
of  representatives  does  to  the  Senate.  An  inar- 
ticulate sound,  very  much  resembling  a  snore,  oc- 
casionally escaped  him;  but  the  nature  of  this 
internal  cogitation  was  never  known,  as  he  never 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  233 

opened  his  lips  on  the  subject  to  man,  woman,  or 
child.  In  the  mean  time,  the  protest  of  Van 
Curlet  lay  quietly  on  the  table,  where  it  served 
to  light  the  pipes  of  the  venerable  sages  assem- 
bled in  council ;  and  in  the  great  smoke  which 
they  raised,  the  gallant  Jacobus,  his  protest,  and 
his  mighty  Fort  Goed  Hoop  were  soon  as  com- 
pletely beclouded  and  forgotten  as  is  a  question 
of  emergency  swallowed  up  in  the  speeches  and 
resolutions  of  a  modern  session  of  Congress. 

There  are  certain  emergencies  when  your  pro- 
found legislators  and  sage  deliberative  councils 
are  mightily  in  the  way  of  a  nation,  and  when 
an  ounce  of  hare-brained  decision  is  worth  a 
pound  of  sage  doubt  and  cautious  discussion. 
Such,  at  least,  was  the  case  at  present ;  for,  while 
the  renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  daily 
battling  with  his  doubts,  and  his  resolution  grow- 
ing weaker  and  weaker  in  the  contest,  the  enemy 
pushed  farther  and  farther  into  his  territories,  and 
assumed  a  most  formidable  appearance  in  the 
neighborhood  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop.  Here  they 
founded  the  mighty  town  of  Pyquag,  or,  as  it  has 
since  been  called,  Weathersfield,  a  place  which,  if 
we  may  credit  the  assertions  of  that  worthy  his- 
torian, John  Josselyn,  Gent.,  "  hath  been  infa- 
mous by  reason  of  the  witches  therein."  And  so 
daring  did  these  men  of  Pyquag  become,  that 
they  extended  those  plantations  of  onions,  for 
which  their  town  is  illustrious,  under  the  very 
noses  of  the  garrison  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  inso- 
much that  the  honest  Dutchmen  could  not  look 
toward  that  quarter  without  tears  in  their  eyes. 


234  HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK. 

This  crying  injustice  was  regarded  with  proper 
indignation  by  the  gallant  Jacobus  Van  Curlet. 
He  absolutely  trembled  with  the  violence  of  his 
choler  and  the  exacerbations  of  his  valor,  which 
were  the  more  turbulent  in  their  workings  from 
the  length  of  the  body  in  which  they  were  agi- 
tated. He  forthwith  proceeded  to  strengthen  his 
redoubts,  heighten  his  breastworks,  deepen  his 
fosse,  and  fortify  his  position  with  a  double  row 
of  abatis ;  after  which  he  dispatched  a  fresh 
courier  with  accounts  of  his  perilous  situation. 

The  courier  chosen  to  bear  the  dispatches  was 
a  fat,  oily,  little  man,  as  being  less  liable  to  be 
worn  out,  or  to  lose  leather  on  the  journey ;  and 
to  insure  his  speed,  he  was  mounted  on  the  fleet- 
est wagon-horse  in  the  garrison,  remarkable  for 
length  of  limb,  largeness  of  bone,  and  hardness 
of  trot,  and  so  tall,  that  the  little  messenger  was 
obliged  to  climb  on  his  back  by  means  of  his  tail 
and  crupper.  Such  extraordinary  speed  did  he 
make,  that  he  arrived  at  Fort  Amsterdam  in  a 
little  less  than  a  month,  though  the  distance  was 
full  two  hundred  pipes,  or  about  one  hundred  and 
twenty  miles. 

With  an  appearance  of  great  hurry  and  busi- 
ness, and  smoking  a  short  travelling-pipe,  he  pro- 
ceeded on  a  long  swing-trot  through  the  muddy 
lanes  of  the  metropolis,  demolishing  whole  batches 
of  dirt-pies,  which  the  little  Dutch  children  were 
making  in  the  road  ;  and  for  which  kind  of  pastry 
the  children  of  this  city  have  ever  been  famous. 
On  arriving  at  the  governor's  house,  he  climbed 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  235 

down  from  his  steed,  roused  the  gray-headed  door- 
keeper, old  Skaats,  who,  like  his  lineal  descend- 
ant and  faithful  representative,  the  venerable 
crier  of  our  court,  was  nodding  at  his  post,  rat- 
tled at  the  door  of  the  council-chamber,  and 
startled  the  members  as  they  were  dozing  over  a 
plan  for  establishing  a  public -market. 

At  that  very  moment  a  gentle  grunt,  or  rather 
a  deep-draAvn  snore,  was  heard  from  the  chair  of 
the  governor;  a  whiff  of  smoke  was  at  the  same 
instant  observed  to  escape  from  his  lips,  and  a 
light  cloud  to  ascend  from  the  bowl  of  his  pipe. 
The  council,  of  course,  supposed  him  engaged  in 
deep  sleep  for  the  good  of  the  community,  and, 
according  to  custom  in  all  such  cases  established, 
every  man  bawled  out  silence,  when,  of  a  sudden, 
the  door  flew  open,  and  the  little  courier  strad- 
dled into  the  apartment,  cased  to  the  middle  in  a 
pair  of  Hessian  boots,  which  he  had  got  into  for 
the  sake  of  expedition.  In  his  right  hand  he 
held  forth  the  ominous  dispatches,  and  with  his 
left  he  grasped  firmly  the  waistband  of  his  galli- 
gaskins, which  had  unfortunately  given  way  in 
the  exertion  of  descending  from  his  horse.  He 
stumped  resolutely  up  to  the  governor,  and  with 
more  hurry  than  perspicuity  delivered  his  mes- 
sage. But  fortunately  his  ill  tidings  came  too 
late  to  ruffle  the  tranquillity  of  this  most  tranquil 
of  rulers.  His  venerable  excellency  had  just 
breathed  and  smoked  his  last,  —  his  lungs  and 
his  pipe  having  been  exhausted  together,  and  his 
peaceful  soul  having  escaped  in  the  last  whiff 


236  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

that  curled  from  his  tobacco-pipe.  In  a  word, 
the  renowned  Walter  the  Doubter,  who  had  so 
often  slumbered  with  his  contemporaries,  now 
slept  with  his  fathers,  and  Wilhelmus  Kieft  gov- 
erned in  his  stead. 


BOOK    IV. 

CONTAINING  THE  CHRONICLES  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  WILLIAM 
THE  TESTY. 


CHAPTER   I. 

SHOWING  THE  NATURE  OP  HISTORY  IN  GENERAL  ;  CONTAINING  FARTHER- 
HOW  A  MAN  MAY  LEARN  SO  MUCH  AS  TO  RENDER  HIMSELF  GOOD  FOR 


>HEN  the  lofty  Thucydides  is  about  to 
enter  upon  his  description  of  the  plague 
that  desolated  Athens,  one  of  his  modern 
commentators  assures  the  reader,  that  the  history 
is  now  going  to  be  exceeding  solemn,  serious,  and 
pathetic,  and  hints,  with  that  air  of  chuckling 
gratulation  with  which  a  good  dame  draws  forth 
a  choice  morsel  from  a  cupboard  to  regale  a 
favorite,  that  this  plague  will  give  his  history  a 
most  agreeable  variety. 

In  like  manner  did  my  heart  leap  within  me, 
when  I  came  to  the  dolorous  dilemma  of  Fort 
Goed  Hoop,  which  I  at  once  perceived  to  be  the 


238  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

forerunner  of  a  series  of  great  events  and  enter- 
taining disasters.  Such  are  the  true  subjects  for 
the  historic  pen.  For  what  is  history,  in  fact, 
but  a  kind  of  Newgate  calendar,  a  register  of 
the  crimes  and  miseries  that  man  has  inflicted  on 
his  fellow-man  ?  It  is  a  huge  libel  on  human 
nature,  to  which  we  industriously  add  page  after 
page,  volume  after  volume,  as  if  we  were  build- 
ing up  a  monument  to  the  honor,  rather  than  the 
infamy  of  our  species.  If  we  turn  over  the 
pages  of  these  chronicles  that  man  has  written 
of  himself,  what  are  the  characters  dignified  by 
the  appellation  of  great,  and  held  up  to  the 
admiration  of  posterity?-  Tyrants,  robbers,  con- 
querors, renowned  only  for  the  magnitude  of 
their  misdeeds,  and  the  stupendous  wrongs  and 
miseries  they  have  inflicted  on  mankind,  —  war- 
riors, who  have  hired  themselves  to  the  trade  of 
blood,  not  from  motives  of  virtuous  patriotism,  or 
to  protect  the  injured  and  defenceless,  but  merely 
to  gain  the  vaunted  glory  of  being  adroit  and 
successful  in  massacring  their  fellow -beings ! 
What  are  the  great  events  that  constitute  a  glo- 
rious era  ?  —  The  fall  of  empires  ;  the  desolation 
of  happy  countries ;  splendid  cities  smoking  in 
their  ruins  ;  the  proudest  works  of  art  tumbled 
in  the  dust ;  the  shrieks  and  groans  of  whole 
nations  ascending  unto  heaven  ! 

It  is  thus  the  historian  may  be  said  to  thrive 
on  the  miseries  of  mankind,  like  birds  of  prey 
which  hover  over  the  field  of  battle  to  fatten  on 
the  mighty  dead.  It  was  observed  by  a  great 
projector  of  inland  lock -navigation,  that  rivers. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  239 

lakes,  and  oceans  were  only  formed  to  feed  canals. 
In  like  manner  I  am  tempted  to  believe  that 
plots,  conspiracies,  wars,  victories,  and  massacres 
are  ordained  by  Providence  only  as  food  for  the 
historian. 

It  is  a  source  of  great  delight  to  the  philos- 
opher, in  studying  the  wonderful  economy  of  na- 
ture, to  trace  the  mutual  dependencies  of  things, 
how  they  are  created  reciprocally  for  each  other, 
and  how  the  most  noxious  and  apparently  unne- 
cessary animal  has  its  uses.  Thus  those  swarms 
of  flies,  which  are  so  often  execrated  as  useless 
vermin,  are  created  for  the  sustenance  of  spiders ; 
and  spiders,  on  the  other  hand,  are  evidently 
made  to  devour  flies.  So  those  heroes,  who  have 
been  such  scourges  to  the  world,  were  bounte- 
ously provided  as  themes  for  the  poet  and  histo- 
rian, while  the  poet  and  the  historian  were  des- 
tined to  record  the  achievements  of  heroes ! 

These,  and  many  similar  reflections,  naturally 
arose  in  my  mind  as  I  took  up  my  pen  to  com- 
mence the  reign  of  William  Kieft :  for  now  the 
stream  of  our  history,  which  hitherto  has  rolled 
in  a  tranquil  current,  is  about  to  depart  forever 
from  its  peaceful  haunts,  and  brawl  through  many 
a  turbulent  and  rugged  scene. 

As  some  sleek  ox,  sunk  in  the  rich  repose  of 
a  clover-field,  dozing  and  chewing  the  cud,  will 
bear  repeated  blows  before  it  raises  itself,  so  the 
province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  having  waxed  fat 
under  the  drowsy  reign  of  the  Doubter,  needed 
cuffs  and  kicks  to  rouse  it  into  action.  The 
reader  will  now  witness  the  manner  in  which  a 


240  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

peaceful  community  advances  towards  a  state  of 
war ;  which  is  apt  to  be  like  the  approach  of  a 
horse  to  a  drum,  with  much  prancing  and  little 
progress,  and  too  often  with  the  wrong  end 
foremost. 

Wilhelmus  Kieft,  who  in  1634  ascended  the 
gubernatorial  chair,  (to  borrow  a  favorite  though 
clumsy  appellation  of  modern  phraseologists,) 
was  of  a  lofty  descent,  his  father  being  inspector 
of  wind-mills  in  the  ancient  town  of  Saardam; 
and  our  hero,  we  are  told,  when  a  boy,  made 
very  curious  investigations  into  the  nature  and 
operation  of  these  machines,  which  was  one  rea- 
son why  he  afterwards  came  to  be  so  ingenious  a 
governor.  His  name,  according  to  the  most  au- 
thentic etymologists,  was  a  corruption  of  Kyver, 
that  is  to  say,  a  wrangler  or  scolder,  and  expressed 
the  characteristic  of  his  family,  which,  for  nearly 
two  centuries,  had  kept  the  windy  town  of  Saar- 
dam in  hot  water,  and  produced  more  tartars  and 
brimstones  than  any  ten  families  in  the  place ; 
and  so  truly  did  he  inherit  this  family  peculiarity, 
that  he  had  not  been  a  year  in  the  government 
of  the  province,  before  he  was  universally  de- 
nominated William  the  Testy.  His  appearance 
answered  to  his  name.  He  was  a  brisk,  wiry, 
waspish  little  old  gentleman ;  such  a  one  as  may 
now  and  then  be  seen  stumping  about  our  city  in 
a  broad-skirted  coat  with  huge  buttons,  a  cocked 
hat  stuck  on  the  back  of  his  head,  and  a  cane  as 
high  as  his  chin.  His  face  was  broad,  but  his 
features  were  sharp  ;  his  cheeks  were  scorched 
into  a  dusky  red  by  two  fiery  little  gray  eyes  ; 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  241 

his  nose  turned  up,  and  the  corners  of  his  mouth 
turned  down,  pretty  much  like  the  muzzle  of  an 
irritable  pug-dog. 

I  have  heard  it  observed  by  a  profound  adept 
in  human  physiology,  that  if  a  woman  waxes  fat 
with  the  progress  of  years,  her  tenure  of  life  is 
somewhat  precarious,  but  if  haply  she  withers 
as  she  grows  old,  she  lives  forever.  Such  prom- 
ised to  be  the  case  with  William  the  Testy,  Avho 
grew  tough  in  proportion  as  he  dried.  He  had 
withered,  in  fact,  not  through  the  process  of 
years,  but  through  the  tropical  fervor  of  his  soul, 
which  burnt  like  a  vehement  rush-light  in  his 
bosom,  inciting  him  to  incessant  broils  and  bick- 
erings. Ancient  traditions  speak  much  of  his 
learning,  and  of  the  gallant  inroads  he  had  made 
into  the  dead  languages,  in  which  he  had  made 
captive  a  host  of  Greek  nouns  and  Latin  verbs, 
and  brought  off  rich  booty  in  ancient  saws  and 
apothegms,  which  he  was  wont  to  parade  in  his 
public  harangues,  as  a  triumphant  general  of 
yore  his  spolia  opima.  Of  metaphysics  he  knew 
enough  to  confound  all  hearers  arid  himself  into 
the  bargain.  In  logic,  he  knew  the  whole  family 
of  syllogisms  and  dilemmas,  and  was  so  proud  of 
his  skill  that  he  never  suffered  even  a  self-evident 
fact  to  pass  unargued.  It  was  observed,  how- 
ever, that  he  seldom  got  into  an  argument  with- 
out getting  into  a  perplexity,  and  then  into  a 
passion  with  his  adversary  for  not  being  con- 
vinced gratis. 

He  had,  moreover,  skirmished  smartly  on  the 
frontiers  of  several  of  the  sciences,  was  fond  of 
16 


242  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

experimental  philosophy,  and  prided  himself  upon 
inventions  of  all  kinds.  His  abode,  which  he 
had  fixed  at  .a  Bowerie  or  country-seat  at  a 
short  distance  from  the  city,  just  at  what  is  now 
called  Dutch  Street,  soon  abounded  with  proofs 
of  his  ingenuity:  patent  smoke-jacks  that  re- 
quired a  horse  to  work  them  ;  Dutch  ovens  that 
roasted  meat  without  fire  ;  carts  that  went  before 
the  horses ;  weather-cocks  that  turned  against 
the  wind ;  and  other  wrong-headed  contrivances 
that  astonished  and  confounded  all  beholders. 
The  house,  too,  was  beset  with  paralytic  cats  and 
dogs,  the  subjects  of  his  experimental  philosophy; 
and  the  yelling  and  yelping  of  the  latter  unhappy 
victims  of  science,  while  aiding  in  the  pursuit  of 
knowledge,  soon  gained  for  the  place  the  name 
of  "  Dog's  Misery,"  by  which  it  continues  to  be 
known  even  at  the  present  day. 

It  is  in  knoAvledge  as  in  swimming :  he  who 
flounders  and  splashes  on  the  surface"  makes  more 
noise,  and  attracts  more  attention,  than  the  pearl- 
diver  who  quietly  dives  in  quest  of  treasures  to 
the  bottom.  The  vast  acquirements  of  the  new 
governor  were  the  theme  of  marvel  among  the 
simple  burghers  of  New  Amsterdam  ;  he  figured 
about  the  place  as  learned  a  man  as  a  Bonze  at 
Pekin,  who  has  mastered  one  half  of  the  Chinese 
alphabet,  and  was  unanimously  pronounced  a 
"  universal  genius  !  " 

I  have  known  in  my  time  many  a  genius  of 
this  stamp ;  but,  to  speak  my  mind  freely,  I 
never  knew  one  who,  for  the  ordinary  purposes 
of  life,  was  worth  his  weight  in  straw.  In  this 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  243 

respect,  a  little  sound  judgment  arid  plain  com- 
mon sense  is  worth  all  the  sparkling  genius  that 
ever  wrote  poetry  or  invented  theories.  Let  us 
see  how  the  universal  acquirements  of  William 
the  Testy  aided  him  in  the  affairs  of  govern- 
ment. 


244  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER    H. 

HOW  WILLIAM  THE  TESTT  UNDERTOOK  TO  CONQUER  BY  PROCLAMATION 
—  HOW  HE  WAS  A  GREAT  MAN  ABROAD,  BCT  A  LITTLE  MAN  IN  HIS 
OWN  HOUSE. 

sooner  had  this  bustling  little  potentate 
been  blown  by  a  whiff  of  fortune  into 
the  seat  of  government  than  he  called 
his  council  together  to  make  them  a  speech  on 
the  state  of  affairs. 

Caius  Gracchus,  it  is  said,  when  he  harangued 
the  Roman  populace,  modulated  his  tone  by  an 
oratorical  flute  or  pitch-pipe ;  Wilhelmus  Kieft, 
not  having  such  an  instrument  at  hand,  availed 
himself  of  that  musical  organ  or  trump  which 
nature  has  implanted  in  the  midst  of  a  man's 
face :  in  other  words,  he  preluded  his  address  by 
a  sonorous  blast  of  the  nose,  —  a  preliminary 
nourish  much  in  vogue  among  public  orators. 

He  then  commenced  by  expressing  his  humble 
sense  of  his  utter  unworthiness  of  the  high  post 
to  which  he  had  been  appointed ;  which  made 
some  of  the  simple  burghers  wonder  why  he  un- 
dertook it,  not  knowing  that  it  is  a  point  of  eti- 
quette with  a  public  orator  never  to  enter  upon 
office  without  declaring  himself  unworthy  to  cross 
the  threshold.  He  then  proceeded  in  a  manner 
highly  classic  and  erudite  to  speak  of  government 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  245 

generally,  and  of  the  governments  of  ancient 
Greece  in  particular,  together  with  the  wars  of 
Rome  and  Carthage,  and  the  rise  and  fall  of  sun- 
dry outlandish  empires  which  the  worthy  burgh- 
ers had  never  read  nor  heard  of.  Having  thus, 
after  the  manner  of  your  learned  orator,  treated 
of  things  in  general,  he  came,  by  a  natural,  round- 
about transition,  to  the  matter  in  hand,  namely, 
the  daring  aggressions  of  the  Yankees. 

As  my  readers  are  well  aware  of  the  advan- 
tage a  potentate  has  of  handling  his  enemies  as 
he  pleases  in  his  speeches  and  bulletins,  where 
he  has  the  talk  all  on  his  own  side,  they  may 
rest  assured  that  William  the  Testy  did  not  let 
such  an  opportunity  escape  of  giving  the  Yan- 
kees what  is  called  "  a  taste  of  his  quality."  In 
speaking  of  their  inroads  into  the  territories  of 
their  High  Mightinesses,  he  compared  them  to 
the  Gauls  who  desolated  Rome,  the  Goths  and 
Vandals  who  overran  the  fairest  plains  of  Eu- 
rope ;  but  when  he  came  to  speak  of  the  xmpar- 
alleled  audacity  with  which  they  of  Weathers- 
field  had  advanced  their  patches  up  to  the  very 
walls  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  and  threatened  to 
smother  the  garrison  in  onions,  tears  of  rage 
started  into  his  eyes,  as  though  he  nosed  the  very 
offence  in  question. 

Having  thus  wrought  up  his  tale  to  a  climax, 
he  assumed  a  most  belligerent  look,  and  assured 
the  council  that  he  had  devised  an  instrument, 
potent  in  its  effects,  and  which  he  trusted  would 
soon  drive  the  Yankees  from  the  land.  So  say- 
ing, he  thrust  his  hand  into  one  of  the  deep  pock- 
ets of  his  broad-skirted  coat  and  drew  forth,  not 


246  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

an  infernal  machine,  but  an  instrument  in  writ- 
ing, which  he  laid  with  great  emphasis  upon  the 
table. 

The  burghers  gazed  at  it  for  a  time  in  silent 
awe,  as  a  wary  housewife  does  at  a  gun,  fearful 
it  may  go  off  half-cocked.  The  document  in 
question  had  a  sinister  look,  it  is  true ;  it  was 
crabbed  in  text,  and  from  a  broad  red  ribbon 
dangled  the  great  seal  of  the  province,  about  the 
size  of  a  buckwheat  pancake.  Still,  after  all,  it 
was  but  an  instrument  in  writing.  Herein,  how- 
ever, existed  the  wonder  of  the  invention.  The 
document  in  question  was  a  PROCLAMATION, 
ordering  the  Yankees  to  depart  instantly  from 
the  territories  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  under 
pain  of  suffering  all  the  forfeitures  and  punish- 
ments in  such  case  made  and  provided.  It  was 
on  the  moral  effect  of  this  formidable  instrument 
that  Wilhelmus  Kieft  calculated,  pledging  his 
valor  as  a  governor  that,  once  fulminated  against 
the  Yankees,  it  would,  in  less  than  two  months, 
drive  every  mother's  son  of  them  across  the  bor- 
ders. 

The  council  broke  up  in  perfect  wonder ;  and 
nothing  was  talked  of  for  some  time  among  the 
old  men  and  women  of  New  Amsterdam  but  the 
vast  genius  of  the  governor,  and  his  new  and 
cheap  mode  of  fighting  by  proclamation. 

As  to  Wilhelmus  Kieft,  having  dispatched  his 
proclamation  to  the  frontiers,  he  put  on  his  cocked 
hat  and  corduroy  small-clothes,  and  mounting  a 
tall  raw-boned  charger,  trotted  out  to  his  rural 
retreat  of  Dog's  Misery.  Here,  like  the  good 
Numa,  he  reposed  from  the  toils  of  state,  taking 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  247 

lessons  in  government,  not  from  the  nymph  Ege- 
ria,  but  from  the  honored  wife  of  his  bosom ; 
who  was  one  of  that  class  of  females  sent  upon 
the  earth  a  little  after  the  flood,  as  a  punishment 
for  the  sins  of  mankind,  and  commonly  known  by 
the  appellation  of  knowing  women.  In  fact,  my 
duty  as  an  historian  obliges  me  to  make  known  a 
circumstance  which  was  a  great  secret  at  the 
time,  and  consequently  was  not  a  subject  of  scan- 
dal at  more  than  half  the  tea-tables  in  New  Am- 
sterdam, but  which,  like  many  other  great  secrets, 
has  leaked  out  in  the  lapse  of  years,  —  and  this 
was,  that  Wilhelmus  the  Testy,  though  one  of 
the  most  potent  little  men  that  ever  breathed,  yet 
submitted  at  home  to  a  species  of  government, 
neither  laid  down  in  Aristotle  nor  Plato,  in  short, 
it  partook  of  the  nature  of  a  pure,  unmixed  tyr- 
anny, and  is  familiarly  denominated  petticoat  gov- 
ernment ;  —  an  absolute  sway,  which,  although 
exceedingly  common  in  these  modern  days,  was 
very  rare  among  the  ancients,  if  we  may  judge 
from  the  rout  made  about  the  domestic  economy 
of  honest  Socrates ;  which  is  the  only  ancient 
case  on  record. 

The  great  Kieft,  however,  warded  off  all  the 
sneers  and  sarcasms  of  his  particular  friends,  who 
are  ever  ready  to  joke  with  a  man  on  sore  points 
of  the  kind,  by  alleging  that  it  was  a  government 
of  his  own  election,  to  which  he  submitted  through 
choice,  adding  at  the  same  time  a  profound  maxim 
which  he  had  found  in  an  ancient  author,  that 
"he  who  would  aspire  to  govern,  should  first 
learn  to  obey." 


248  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER   IE. 

IN  WHICH  ARE  RECORDED  THE  SAGE  PROJECTS  OP  A  RULER  OF  UNIVER- 
SAL GENIUS  —  THE  ART  OP  FIGHTING  BT  PROCLAMATION  —  AND  HOW 
THAT  THE  VALIANT  JACOBUS  VAN  CURLET  CAME  TO  BE  FOULLY  DIS- 
HONORED AT  FORT  GOED  HOOP. 

jEVER  was  a  more  comprehensive,  a 
more  expeditious,  or,  what  is  still  better, 
a  more  economical  measure  devised, 
than  this  of  defeating  the  Yankees  by  procla- 
mation, —  an  expedient,  likewise,  so  gentle  and 
humane,  there  were  ten  chances  to  one  in  favor 
of  its  succeeding ;  but  then  there  was  one  chance 
to  ten  that  it  would  not  succeed,  —  as  the  ill- 
natured  fates  would  have  it,  that  single  chance 
carried  the  day  !  The  proclamation  was  perfect 
in  all  its  parts,  well  constructed,  well  written, 
well  sealed,  and  well  published;  all  that  was 
wanting  to  insure  its  effect  was,  that  the  Yan- 
kees should  stand  in  awe  of  it;  but,  provoking 
to  relate,  they  treated  it  with  the  most  absolute 
contempt,  applied  it  to  an  unseemly  purpose ; 
and  thus  did  the  first  warlike  proclamation  come 
to  a  shameful  end,  —  a  fate  which  I  am  credibly 
informed  has  befallen  but  too  many  of  its  suc- 
cessors. 

So  far    from    abandoning    the    country,    those 
varlets  continued  their  encroachments,  squatting 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  249 

along  the  green  banks  of  the  Varsche  river,  and 
founding  Hartford,  Stamford,  New  Haven,  and 
other  border-towns.  I  have  already  shown  how 
the  onion  patches  of  Pyquag  were  an  eye-sore  to 
Jacobus  Van  Curlet  and  his  garrison  ;  but  now 
these  moss-troopers  increased  in  their  atrocities, 
kidnapping  hogs,  impounding  horses,  and  some- 
times grievously  rib-roasting  their  owners.  Our 
worthy  forefathers  could  scarcely  stir  abroad 
without  danger  of  being  out-jockeyed  in  horse- 
flesh, or  taken  in  in  bargaining  ;  while,  in  their 
absence,  some  daring  Yankee  peddler  woidd  pen- 
etrate to  their  household,  and  nearly  ruin  the 
good  housewives  with  tin  ware  and  wooden 
bowls.1 

I  am  well  aware  of  the  perils  which  environ 
me  in  this  part  of  my  history.  While  raking, 
with  curious  hand  but  pious  heart,  among  the 

1  The  following  cases  in  point  appear  in  Hazard's  Collection 
of  State  Papers. 

"  In  the  meantime,  they  of  Hartford  have  not  onely  usurped 
and  taken  in  the  lands  "of  Connecticott,  although  unright- 
eously and  against  the  lawes  of  nations  but  have  hindered 
our  nation  in  sowing  theire  own  purchased  broken  up  lands, 
but  have  also  sowed  them  with  corne  in  the  night,  which  the 
Nederlanders  had  broken  up  and  intended  to  sowe  :  and 
have  beaten  the  servants  of  the  high  and  mighty  the  hon- 
ored companie,  which  were  laboring  upon  theire  master's 
lands,  from  theire  lands,  with  sticks  and  plow  staves  in  hostile 
manner  laming,  and  among  the  rest,  struck  Ever  Duckings 
[Evert  Duyckink]  a  hole  in  his  head,  with  a  stick,  so  that 
the  bloode  ran  downe  very  strongly  downe  upon  his  body." 

"  Those  of  Hartford  sold  a  hogg,"that  belonged  to  the  hon- 
ored companie,  under  pretence  that  it  had  eaten  of  theire 
grounde  grass,  when  they  had  not  any  foot  of  inheritance. 
They  proffered  the  liogg  for  5s.  if  the  commissioners  would 
have  given  5s.  for  damnge  ;  which  the  commissioners  denied, 
because  noe  man's  own  hogg  (as  men  used  to  say)  can  tres- 
pass upon  his  owne  master's  grounde." 


250  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

mouldering  remains  of  former  days,  anxious  to 
draw  therefrom  the  honey  of  wisdom,  I  may  fare 
somewhat  like  that  valiant  worthy,  Samson,  who, 
in  meddling  with  the  carcass  of  a  dead  lion,  drew 
a  swarm  of  bees  about  his  ears.  Thus,  while 
narrating  the  many  misdeeds  of  the  Yanokie  or 
Yankee  race,  it  is  ten  chances  to  one  but  I  offend 
the  morbid  sensibilities  of  certain  of  their  unrea- 
sonable descendants,  who  may  fly  out  and  raise 
such  a  buzzing  about  this  unlucky  head  of  mine, 
that  I  shall  need  the  tough  hide  of  an  Achilles, 
or  an  Orlando  Furioso,  to  protect  me  from  their 
stings. 

Should  such  be  the  case,  I  should  deeply  and 
sincerely  lament,  —  not  my  misfortune  in  giving 
offence,  but  the  wrong-headed  perverseness  of 
an  ill-natured  generation,  in  taking  offence  at 
anything  I  say.  That  their  ancestors  did  use 
my  ancestors  ill  is  true,  and  I  am  very  sorry  for 
it.  I  would,  with  all  my  heart,  the  fact  were 
otherwise ;  but  as  I  am  recording  the  sacred 
events  of  history,  I  'd  not  bate  one  nail's  breadth 
of  the  honest  truth,  though  I  were  sure  the 
whole  edition  of  my  work  would  be  bought  up 
and  burnt  by  the  common  hangman  of  Connecti- 
cut. And  in  sooth,  now  that  these  testy  gentle- 
men have  drawn  me  out,  I  will  make  bold  to  go 
farther,  and  observe  that  this  is  one  of  the 
grand  purposes  for  which  we  impartial  historians 
are  sent  into  the  world,  —  to  redress  wrongs  and 
render  justice  on  the  heads  of  the  guilty.  So 
that,  though  a  powerful  nation  may  wrong  its 
neighbors  with  temporary  impunity,  yet  sooner 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  251 

or  later  an  historian  springs  up,  who  wreaks 
ample  chastisement  on  it  in  return. 

Thus  these  moss-troopers  of  the  east  little 
thought,  I  '11  warrant  it,  while  they  were  harass- 
ing the  inoffensive  province  of  Nieuw  Neder- 
landts,  and  driving  its  unhappy  governor  to  his 
Avit's  end,  that  an  historian  would  ever  arise,  and 
give  them  their  own,  with  interest.  Since,  then, 
I  am  but  performing  my  bounden  duty  as  an 
historian,  in  avenging  the  wrongs  of  our  revered 
ancestors,  I  shall  make  no  further  apology  ;  and, 
indeed,  when  it  is  considered  that  I  have  all 
these  ancient  borderers  of  the  east  in  my  power, 
and  at  the  mercy  of  my  pen,  I  trust  that  it  will 
be  admitted  I  conduct  myself  with  great  human- 
ity and  moderation. 

It  was  long  before  William  the  Testy  could  be 
persuaded  that  his  much-vaunted  war-measure 
was  ineffectual ;  on  the  contrary,  he  flew  in  a 
passion  whenever  it  was  doubted,  swearing  that, 
though  slow  in  operating,  yet  when  it  once  began 
to  work,  it  would  soon  purge  the  land  of  these 
invaders.  When  convinced,  at  length,  of  the 
truth,  like  a  shrewd  physician  he  attributed  the 
failure  to  the  quantity,  not  the  quality  of  the 
medicine,  and  resolved  to  double  the  dose.  He 
fulminated,  therefore,  a  second  proclamation, 
more  vehement  than  the  first,  forbidding  all 
intercourse  with  these  Yankee  intruders,  ordering 
the  Dutch  burghers  on  the  frontiers  to  buy  none 
of  their  pacing  horses,  measly  pork,  apple-sweet- 
meats, Weathersfield  onions,  or  wooden  bowls, 
and  to  furnish  them  with  no  supplies  of  gin,  gin- 
gerbread, or  sourkrout. 


252  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

Another  interval  elapsed,  during  which  the 
last  proclamation  was  as  little  regarded  as  the 
first ;  and  the  non-intercourse  was  especially  set 
at  naught  by  the  young  folks  of  both  sexes,  if 
we  may  judge  by  the  active  bundling  which  took 
place  along  the  borders. 

At  length,  one  day  the  inhabitants  of  New 
Amsterdam  were  aroused  by  a  furious  barking 
of  dogs,  great  and  small,  and  beheld,  to  their  sur- 
prise, the  whole  garrison  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop 
straggling  into  town  all  tattered  and  wayworn, 
with  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  at  their  head,  bringing 
the  melancholy  intelligence  of  the  capture  of 
Fort  Goed  Hoop  by  the  Yankees. 

The  fate  of  this  important  fortress  is  an  im- 
pressive warning  to  all  military  commanders.  It 
was  neither  carried  by  storm  nor  famine ;  nor 
was  it  undermined ;  nor  bombarded ;  nor  set  on 
fire  by  red-hot  shot ;  but  was  taken  by  a  strata- 
gem no  less  singular  than  effectual,  and  which 
can  never  fail  of  success,  whenever  an  opportu- 
nity occurs  of  putting  it  in  practice.  '  . 

It  seems  that  the  Yankees  had  received  intelli- 
gence that  the  garrison  of  Jacobus  Van  Curlet 
had  been  reduced  nearly  one  eighth  by  the  death 
of  two  of  his  most  corpulent  soldiers,  who  had 
overeaten  themselves  on  fat  salmon  caught  in  the 
Varsche  river.  A  secret  expedition  was  imme- 
diately set  on  foot  to  'surprise  the  fortress.  The 
crafty  enemy,  knowing  the  habits  of  the  garrison 
to  sleep  soundly  after  they  had  eaten  their  din- 
ners and  smoked  their  pipes,  stole  upon  them  at 
the  noontide  of  a  sultry  summer's  day,  and  sur- 
prised them  in  the  midst  of  their  slumbers. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  253 

In  an  instant  the  flag  of  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses was  lowered,  and  the  Yankee  standard 
elevated  in  its  stead,  being  a  dried  codfish,  by 
way  of  a  spread  eagle.  A  strong  garrison  was 
appointed,  of  long-sided,  hard-fisted  Yankees,  with 
Weathersfield  onions  for  cockades  and  feathers. 
As  to  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  and  his  men,  they 
were  seized  by  the  nape  of  the  neck,  conducted 
to  the  gate,  and  one  by  one  dismissed  with  a  kick 
in  the  crupper,  as  Charles  XII.  dismissed  the 
heavy-bottomed  Russians  at  the  battle  of  Narva ; 
Jacobus  Van  Curlet  receiving  two  kicks  in  con- 
sideration of  his  official  dignity. 


254  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER  IV. 


CONTAINING  THE  FEARFUL  WRATH  OF  WILLIAM  THE  TESTY,  AND  THE 
ALARM  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  —HOW  THE  GOVERNOR  DID  STRONGLY  FOR- 
TIFY THE  CITY— OF  THE  RISE  OF  ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER,  AND  THE 
WINDY  ADDITION  TO  THE  ARMORIAL  BEARINGS  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM. 


ANGUAGE  cannot  express  the  awful 
ire  of  William  the  Testy  on  hearing  of 
the  catastrophe  at  Fort  Goed  Hoop. 
For  three  good  hours  his  rage  was  too  great  for 
words,  or  rather  the  words  were  too  great  for 
him,  (being  a  very  small  man,)  and  he  was  nearly 
choked  by  the  misshapen,  nine  -  cornered  Dutch 
oaths  and  epithets  which  crowded  at  once  into 
his  gullet.  At  length  his  words  found  vent,  and 
for  three  days  he  kept  up  a  constant  discharge, 
anathematizing  the  Yankees,  man,  woman,  and 
child,  for  a  set  of  dieven,  schobbejacken,  deuge- 
nieten,  twistzoekeren,  blaes-kaken,  loosen-schal- 
ken,  kakken-bedden,  and  a  thousand  other  names, 
of  which,  unfortunately  for  posterity,  history  does 
not  make  mention.  Finally,  he  swore  that  he 
would  have  nothing  more  to  do  with  such  a  squat- 
ting, bundling,  guessing,  questioning,  swapping, 
pumpkin -eating,  molasses  -  daubing,  shingle  -  split- 
ting, cider-watering,  horse-jockeying,  notion-ped- 
dling crew ;  that  they  might  stay  at  Fort  Goed 
Hoop  and  rot,  before  he  would  dirty  his  hands 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  255 

by  attempting  to  drive  them  away :  in  proof  of 
which  lie  ordered  the  new-raised  troops  to  be 
marched  forthwith  into  winter-quarters,  although 
it  was  not  as  yet  quite  midsummer.  Great 
despondency  now  fell  upon  the  city  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. It  was  feared  that  the  conquerors  of 
Fort  Goed  Hoop,  flushed  with  victory  and  apple- 
brandy, might  march  on  to  the  capital,  take  it  by 
storm,  and  annex  the  whole  province  to  Connect- 
icut. The  name  of  Yankee  became  as  terrible 
among  the  Nieuw  Nederlanders  as  was  that  of 
Gaul  among  the  ancient  Romans ;  insomuch  that 
the  good  wives  of  the  Manhattoes  used  it  as  a 
bugbear  wherewith  to  frighten  their  unruly  chil- 
dren. 

Everybody  clamored  around  the  governor,  im- 
ploring him  to  put  the  city  in  a  complete  posture 
of  defence ;  and  he  listened  to  their  clamors. 
Nobody  could  accuse  William  the  Testy  of  being 
idle  in  time  of  danger,  or  at  any  other  time. 
He  was  never  idle,  but  then  he  was  often  busy 
to  very  little  purpose.  When  a  youngling,  he 
had  been  impressed  with  the  words  of  Solomon, 
"  Go  to  the  ant,  thou  sluggard,  observe  her  ways 
and  be  wise ; "  in  conformity  to  which  he  had 
ever  been  of  a  restless,  ant-like  turn,  hurrying 
hither  and  thither,  nobody  knew  why  or  where- 
fore, busying  himself  about  small  matters  with  an 
air  of  great  importance  and  anxiety,  and  toiling 
at  a  grain  of  mustard-seed  in  the  full  conviction 
that  he  was  moving  a  mountain.  In  the  present 
instance,  he  called  in  all  his  inventive  powers  to 
his  aid,  and  was  continually  pondering  over  plans, 


256  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

making  diagrams,  and  worrying  about  with  a 
troop  of  workmen  and  projectors  at  his  heels. 
At  length,  after  a  world  of  consultation  and  con- 
trivance, his  plans  of  defence  ended  in  rearing  a 
great  flag -staff  in  the  centre  of  the  fort,  and 
perching  a  wind-mill  on  each  bastion. 

These  warlike  preparations  in  some  measure 
allayed  the  public  alarm,  especially  after  an  addi- 
tional means  of  securing  the  safety  of  the  city 
had  been  suggested  -by  the  governor's  lady.  It 
has  already  been  hinted  in  this  most  authentic 
history,  that  in  the  domestic  establishment  of 
William  the  Testy  "  the  gray  mare  was  the  bet- 
ter horse  "  ;  in  other  words,  that  his  wife  "  ruled 
the  roast,"  and  in  governing  the  governor,  gov- 
erned the  province,  which  might  thus  be  said  to 
be  under  petticoat  government. 

Now  it  came  to  pass,  that  about  this  time  there 
lived  in  the  Manhattoes  a  jolly,  robustious  trum- 
peter, named  Antony  Van  Corlear,  famous  for 
his  long  wind ;  and  who,  as  the  story  goes,  could 
twang  so  potently  upon  his  instrument,  that  the 
effect  upon  all  within  hearing  was  like  that 
"  ascribed  to  the  Scotch  bagpipe  when  it  sings  right 
lustily  i'  the  nose. 

This  sounder  of  brass  was  moreover  a  lusty 
bachelor,  with  a  pleasant,  burly  visage,  a  long 
nose,  and  huge  whiskers.  He  had  his  little  bow- 
erie,  or  retreat,  in  the  country,  where  he  led  a 
roistering  life,  giving  dances  to  the  wives  and 
daughters  of  the  burghers  of  the  Manhattoes, 
insomuch  that  he  became  a  prodigious  favorite 
with  all  the  women,  young  and  old.  He  is  said 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  257 

to  have  been  the  first  to  collect  that  famous  toll 
levied  on  the  fair  sex  at  Kissing  Bridge,  on  the 
highway  to  Hellgate.1 

To  this  sturdy  bachelor  the  eyes  of  all  the 
women  were  turned  in  this  time  of  darkness  and 
peril,  as  the  very  man  to  second  and  carry  out 
the  plans  of  defence  of  the  governor.  A  kind 
of  petticoat  council  was  forthwith  held  at  the 
government  house,  at  which  the  governor's  lady 
presided  ;  and  this  lady,  as  has  been  hinted,  being 
all  potent  with  the  governor,  the  result  of  these 
councils  was  the  elevation  of  Antony  the  Trum- 
peter to  the  post  of  commandant  of  wind-mills 
and  champion  of  New  Amsterdam. 

The  city  being  thus  fortified  and  garrisoned,  it 
would  have  done  one's  heart  good  to  see  the  gov- 
ernor snapping  his  fingers  and  fidgeting  with  de- 
light, as  the  trumpeter  strutted  up  and  down  the 
ramparts,  twanging  defiance  to  the  whole  Yankee 
race,  as  does  a  modern  editor  to  all  the  principal- 
ities and  powers  on  the  other  side  of  the  Atlantic. 
In  the  hands  of  Antony  Van  Corlear  this  Avindy 
instrument  appeared  to  him  as  potent  as  the  horn 
of  the  paladin  Astolpho,  or  even  the  more  classic 
horn  of  Alecto ;  nay,  he  had  almost  the  temerity 
to  compare  it  with  the  rams'  horns  celebrated  in 
holy  writ,  at  the  very  sound  of  which  the  walls 
of  Jericho  fell  doAvn. 

Be  all  this  as  it  may,  the  apprehensions  of  hos- 
tilities from  the  east  gradually  died  away.  The 

1  The  bridge  here  mentioned  by  Mr.  Knickerbocker  still 
exists;  but  it  is  said  that  the  toll  is  seldom  collected  nowa- 
days, excepting  on  sloighing-parties,  by  the  descendants  of  the 
patriarchs,  who  still  preserve  the  traditions  of  the  city. 


258  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

Yankees  made  no  further  invasion ;  nay,  they  de- 
clared they  had  only  taken  possession  of  Fort 
Good  Hoop  as  being  erected  within  their  territo- 
ries. So  far  from  manifesting  hostility,  they  con- 
tinued to  throng  to  New  Amsterdam  with  the 
most  innocent  countenances  imaginable,  filling  the 
market  with  their  notions,  being  as  ready  to  trade 
with  the  Nederlanders  as  ever,  and  not  a  whit 
more  prone  to  get  to  the  windward  of  them  in  a 
bargain. 

The  old  wives  of  the  Manhattoes,  who  took 
tea  with  the  governor's  lady,  attributed  all  this 
affected  moderation  to  the  awe  inspired  by  the 
militaiy  preparations  of  the  governor,  and  the 
windy  prowess  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter. 

There  were  not  wanting  illiberal  minds,  how- 
ever, who  sneered  at  the  governor  for  thinking  to 
defend  his  city  as  he  governed  it,  by  mere  wind ; 
but  William  Kieft  was  not  to  be  jeered  out  of 
his  wind-mills :  he  had  seen  them  perched  upon 
the  ramparts  of  his  native  city  of  Saardam,  and 
was  persuaded  they  were  connected  with  the 
great  science  of  defence ;  nay,  so  much  piqued 
was  he  by  having  them  made  a  matter  of  ridicule, 
that  he  introduced  them  into  the  arms  of  the  city, 
where  they  remain  to  this  day,  quartered  with 
the  ancient  beaver  of  the  Manhattoes,  an  emblem 
and  memento  of  his  policy. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  certain  wise 
old  burghers  of  the  Manhattoes,  skilful  in  ex- 
pounding signs  and  mysteries,  after  events  have 
come  to  pass,  consider  this  early  intrusion  of  the 
wind-mill  into  the  escutcheon  of  our  city,  which 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  259 

before  had  been  wholly  occupied  by  the  beaver, 
as  portentous  of  its  after  fortune,  when  the  quiet 
Dutchman  would  be  elbowed  aside  by  the  enter- 
prising Yankee,  and  patient  industry  overtopped 
by  windy  speculation. 


260  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER   V. 


jMONG  the  wrecks  and  fragments  of  ex- 
alted wisdom,  which  have  floated  down 
the  stream  of  time  from  venerable  an- 
tiquity, and  been  picked  up  by  those  humble  but 
industrious  wights  who  ply  along  the  shores  of 
literature,  we  find  a  shrewd  ordinance  of  Charon- 
das  the  Locrian  legislator.  Anxious  to  preserve 
the  judicial  code  of  the  State  from  the  additions 
and  amendments  of  country  members  and  seek- 
ers of  popularity,  he  ordained  that,  whoever  pro- 
posed a  new  law  should  do  it  with  a  halter  about 
his  neck ;  whereby,  in  case  his  proposition  were 
rejected,  they  just  hung  him  up  —  and  there  the 
matter  ended. 

The  effect  was,  that  for  more  than  two  hundred 
years  there  was  but  one  trifling  alteration  in  the 
judicial  code ;  and  legal  matters  were  so  clear 
and  simple  that  the  whole  race  of  lawyers  starved 
to  death  for  want  of  employment.  The  Locri- 
ans,  too,  being  freed  from  all  incitement  to  litiga- 
tion, lived  very  lovingly  together,  and  were  so 
happy  a  people  that  they  make  scarce  any  figure  in 
history  ;  it  being  only  your  litigious,  quarrelsome, 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  261 

rantipole  nations  who  make  much  noise  in  the 
world. 

I  have  been  reminded  of  these  historical  facts 
in  coming  to  treat  of  the  internal  policy  of  Wil- 
liam the  Testy.  Well  would  it  have  been  for 
him  had  he  in  the  course  of  his  universal  acquire- 
ments stumbled  upon  the  precaution  of  the  good 
Charondas,  or  had  he  looked  nearer  home  at  the 
protectorate  of  OlofFe  the  Dreamer,  when  the 
community  was  governed  without  laws.  Such 
legislation,  however,  was  not  suited  to  the  busy, 
meddling  mind  of  William  the  Testy.  On  the 
contrary,  he  conceived  that  the  true  wisdom  of 
legislation  consisted  in  the  multiplicity  of  laws. 
He  accordingly  had  great  punishments  for  great 
crimes,  and  little  punishments  for  little  offences. 
By  degrees  the  whole  surface  of  society  was  cut 
up  by  ditches  and  fences,  and  quickset  hedges  of 
the  law,  and  even  the  sequestered  paths  of  pri- 
vate life  so  beset  by  petty  rules  and  ordinances, 
too  numerous  to  be  remembered,  that  one  could 
scarce  walk  at  large  without  the  risk  of  letting 
off  a  spring-gun  or  falling  into  a  man-trap. 

In  a  little  while  the  blessings  of  innumerable 
laws  became  apparent;  a  class  of  men  arose  to 
expound  and  confound  them.  Petty  courts  were 
instituted  to  take  cognizance  of  petty  offences, 
pettifoggers  began  to  abound ;  and  the  commu- 
nity was  soon  set  together  by  the  ears. 

Let  me  not  be  thought  as  intending  anything 
derogatory  to  the  profession  of  the  law,  or  to  the 
distinguished  members  of  that  illustrious  order. 
Well  am  I  aware  that  we  have  in  this  ancient 


262  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

city  innumerable  worthy  gentlemen,  the  knights- 
errant  of  modern  days,  who  go  about  redressing 
wrongs  and  defending  the  defenceless,  not  for  the 
love  of  filthy  lucre,  nor  the  selfish  cravings  of 
renown,  but  merely  for  the  pleasure  of  doing 
good.  Sooner  would  I  throw  this  trusty  pen  into 
the  flames,  and  cork  up  my  ink-bottle  forever, 
than  infringe  even  for  a  nail's  breadth  upon  the 
dignity  of  these  truly  benevolent  champions  of 
the  distressed.  On  the  contrary,  I  allude  merely 
to  those  caitiff  scouts  who,  in  these  latter  days  of 
evil,  infest  the  skirts  of  the  profession,  as  did  the 
recreant  Cornish  knights  of  yore  the  honorable 
order  of  chivalry,  —  who,  under  its  auspices,  com- 
mit flagrant  wrongs,  —  who  thrive  by  quibbles,  by 
quirks  and  chicanery,  and  like  vermin  increase  the 
corruption  in  which  they  are  engendered. 

Nothing  so  soon  awakens  the  malevolent  pas- 
sions as  the  facility  of  gratification.  The  courts 
of  law  would  never  be  so  crowded  with  petty, 
vexatious,  and  disgraceful  suits,  were  it  not  for 
the  herds  of  pettifoggers.  These  tamper  with  the 
passions  of  the  poorer  and  more  ignorant  classes, 
who,  as  if  poverty  were  not  a  sufficient  misery  in 
itself,  are  ever  ready  to  imbitter  it  by  litigation. 
These,  like  quacks  in  medicine,  excite  the  malady 
to  profit  by  the  cure,  and  retard  the  cure  to  aug- 
ment the  fees.  As  the  quack  exhaus^  the  con- 
stitution, the  pettifogger  exhausts  the  purse ;  and 
as  he  who  has  once  been  under  the  hands  of  a 
quack  is  forever  after  prone  to  dabble  in  drugs, 
and  poison  himself  with  infallible  prescriptions, 
BO  the  client  of  the  pettifogger  is  ever  after  prone 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  263 

to  embroil  himself  with  his  neighbors,  and  im- 
poverish himself  with  successful  lawsuits.  My 
readers  will  excuse  this  digression  into  which  I 
have  been  unwarily  betrayed;  but  I  could  not 
avoid  giving  a  cool  and  unprejudiced  account  of 
an  abomination  too  prevalent  in  this  excellent 
city,  and  with  the  effects  of  which  I  am  ruefully 
acquainted  :  having  been  nearly  ruined  by  a  law- 
suit which  was  decided  against  me  ;  and  my  ruin 
having  been  completed  by  another,  which  was 
decided  in  my  favor. 

To  return  to  our  theme.  There  was  nothing 
in  the  whole  range  of  moral  offences  against 
which  the  jurisprudence  of  William  the  Testy 
was  more  strenuously  directed  than  the  crying 
sin  of  poverty.  He  pronounced  it  the  root  of 
all  evil,  and  determined  to  cut  it  up,  root  and 
branch,  and  extirpate  it  from  the  land.  He  had 
been  struck,  in  the  course  of  his  travels  in  the 
old  countries  of  Europe,  with  the  wisdom  of 
those  notices  posted  up  in  country  towns,  that 
"  any  vagrant  found  begging  there  would  be  put 
in  the  stocks,"  and  he  had  observed  that  no  beggars 
were  to  be  seen  in  these  neighborhoods  ;  having 
doubtless  thrown  off  their  rag  and  their  poverty, 
and  become  rich  under  the  terror  of  the  law. 
He  determined  to  improve  upon  this  hint.  In  a 
little  while  a  new  machine,  of  his  own  invention, 
Avas  erected  hard  by  Dog's  Misery.  This  was 
nothing  more  nor  less  than  a  gibbet,  of  a  very 
strange,  uncouth,  and  unmatchable  construction, 
far  more  efficacious,  as  he  boasted,  than  the 
stocks,  for  the  punishment  of  poverty.  It  was 


264  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

for  altitude  not  a  whit  inferior  to  that  of  Haman 
so  renowned  in  Bible  history ;  but  the  marvel  of 
the  contrivance  was,  that  the  culprit,  instead  of 
being  suspended  by  the  neck,  according  to  vener- 
able custom,  was  hoisted  by  the  waistband,  and 
kept  dangling  and  sprawling  between  heaven  and 
earth  for  an  hour  or  two  at  a  time  —  to  the 
infinite  entertainment,  and  edification  of  the  re- 
spectable citizens  who  usually  attend  exhibitions 
of  the  kind. 

It  is  incredible  how  the  little  governor  chuckled 
at  beholding  caitiff  vagrants  and  sturdy  beggars 
thus  swinging  by  the  crupper,  and  cutting  antic 
gambols  in  the  air.  He  had  a  thousand  pleas- 
antries and  mirthful  conceits  to  utter  upon  these 
occasions.  He  called  them  his  dandle-lions  —  his 
wild-fowl  —  his  high-fliers  —  his  spread-eagles  — 
his  goshawks — his  scare-crows  —  and  finally,  his 
gallows-birds  ;  which  ingenious  appellation,  though 
originally  confined  to  worthies  who  had  taken  the 
air  in  this  strange  manner,  has  since  grown  to  be 
a  cant  name  given  to  all  candidates  for  legal  ele- 
vation. This  punishment,  moreover,  if  we  may 
credit  the  assertions  of  certain  grave  etymologists, 
gave  the  first  hint  for  a  kind  of  harnessing,  or 
strapping,  by  which  our  forefathers  braced  up 
their  multifarious  breeches,  and  which  has  of  late 
years  been  revived,  and  continues  to  be  worn  at 
the  present  day. 

Such  was  the  punishment  of  all  petty  delin- 
quents, vagi-ants  and  beggars  and  others  detected 
in  being  guilty  of  poverty  in  a  small  way  ;  as  to 
those  who  had  offended  on  a  great  scale,  who 


HISTORY   OF  NEW    YORK  2C5 

had  been  guilty  of  flagrant  misfortunes  and  enor- 
mous backslidings  of  the  purse,  and  who  stood 
convicted  of  large  debts,  which  they  were  unable 
to  pay,  William  Kieft  had  them  straightway 
inclosed  within  the  stone  walls  of  a  prison,  there 
to  remain  until  they  should  reform  and  grow 
rich.  This  notable  expedient,  however,  does  not 
appear  to  have  been  more  efficacious  under  Wil- 
liam the  Testy  than  in  more  modern  days :  it 
being  found  that  the  longer  a  poor  devil  was 
kept  in  prison  the  poorer  he  grew. 


26G  HISTORY   OF   NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER   VI. 


jEXT  to  his  projects  for  the  suppression 
of  poverty  may  be  classed  those  of  Wil- 
liam the  Testy,  for  increasing  the  wealth 
of  New  Amsterdam.  Solomon,  of  whose  char- 
acter for  wisdom  the  little  governor  was  some- 
what emulous,  had  made  gold  and  silver  as 
plenty  as  the  stones  in  the  streets  of  Jerusalem. 
William  Kieft  could  not  pretend  to  vie  with  him 
as  to  the  precious  metals,  but  he  determined,  as 
an  equivalent,  to  flood  the  streets  of  New  Amster- 
dam with  Indian  money.  This  was  nothing  more 
nor  less  than  strings  of  beads  wrought  of  clams, 
periwinkles,  and  other  shell-fish,  and  called  sea- 
want  or  wampum.  These  had  formed  a  native 
currency  among  the  simple  savages,  who  were 
content  to  take  them  of  the  Dutchmen  in  ex- 
change for  peltries.  In  an  unlucky  moment, 
William  the  Testy,  seeing  this  money  of  easy 
production,  conceived  the  project  of  making  it 
the  current  coin  of  the  province.  It  is  true  it 
had  an  intrinsic  value  among  the  Indians,  who 
used  it  to  ornament  their  robes  and  moccasons, 
but  among  the  honest  burghers  it  had  no  more 
intrinsic  value  than  those  rags  which  form  the 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  267 

paper  currency  of  modern  days.  This  consider- 
ation, however,  had  no  weight  with  William 
Kieft.  He  began  by  paying  all  the  servants  of 
the  company,  and  all  the  debts  of  government,  in 
strings  of  wampum.  He  sent  emissaries  to 
sweep  the  shores  of  Long  Island,  which  was  the 
Ophir  of  this  modern  Solomon,  and  abounded 
in  shell-fish.  These  were  transported  in  loads 
to  New  Amsterdam,  coined  into  Indian  money, 
and  launched  into  circulation. 

And  now,  for  a  time,  affairs  went  on  swim- 
mingly ;  money  became  as  plentiful  as  in  the 
modern  days  of  paper  currency,  and,  to  use  the 
popular  phrase,  "  a  wonderful  impulse  was  given 
to  public  prosperity."  Yankee  traders  poured 
into  the  province,  buying  everything  they  could 
lay  their  hands  on,  and  paying  the  worthy  Dutch- 
men their  own  price  —  in  Indian  money.  If  the 
latter,  however,  attempted  to  pay  the  Yankees  in 
the  same  coin  for  their  tin  ware  and  wooden  bowls, 
the  case  was  altered  ;  nothing  would  do  but 
Dutch  guilders  and  such  like  "  metallic  currency." 
What  was  worse,  the  Yankees  introduced  an  in- 
ferior kind  of  wampum  made  of  oyster-shells, 
with  which  they  deluged  the  province,  carrying 
off  in  exchange  all  the  silver  and  gold,  the  Dutch 
herrings,  and  Dutch  cheeses  :  thus  early  did  the 
knowing  men  of  the  east  manifest  their  skill  in 
bargaining  the  New  Amsterdammers  out  of  the 
oyster,  and  leaving  them  the  shell.1 

i  In  a  manuscript  record  of  the  province,  dated  1659,  Li- 
brary of  the  New  York  Historical  Society,  is  the  following 
mention  of  Indian  money: 

"  Seawant  alias  wampum.     Beads  manufactured  from  the 


268  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

It  was  a  long  time  before  "William  the  Testy 
was  made  sensible  how  completely  his  grand  pro- 
ject of  finance  was  turned  against  him  by  his 
eastern  neighbors  ;  nor  would  he  probably  have 
ever  found  it  out,  had  not  tidings  been  brought 
him  that  the  Yankees  had  made  a  descent  upon 
Long  Island,  and  had  established  a  kind  of  mint 
at  Oyster  Bay,  where  they  were  coming  up  all 
the  oyster-banks. 

Now  this  was  making  a  vital  attack  upon  the 
province  in  a  double  sense,  financial  and  gastro- 
nomical.  Ever  since  the  council-dinner  of  OlofFe 
the  Dreamer  at  the  founding  of  New  Amsterdam, 
at  which  banquet  the  oyster  figured  so  conspic- 
uously, this  divine  shell-fish  has  been  held  in  a 
kind  of  superstitious  reverence  at  the  Manhat- 
toes ;  as  witness  the  temples  erected  to  its  cult 
in  every  street  and  lane  and  alley.  In  fact,  it  is 
the  standard  luxury  of  the  place,  as  is  the  terra- 
pin at  Philadelphia,  the  soft  crab  at  Baltimore,  or 
the  canvas-back  at  Washington. 

The  seizure  of  Oyster  Bay,  therefore,  was  an 
outrage  not  merely  on  the  pockets,  but  the  lard- 

Quahang  or  icilk :  a  shell-fish  formerly  abounding  on  our 
coasts,  but  lately  of  more  rare  occurrence,  of  two  colors,  black 
and  white;  the  former  twice  the  value  of  the  latter.  Six 
beads  of  the  white  and  three  of  the  black  for  an  English 
penny.  The  seawant  depreciates  from  time  to  time.  The 
New-England  people  make  use  of  it  as  a  means  of  barter,  not 
only  to  carry  away  the  best  cargoes  which  we  send  thither, 
but  to  accumulate  a  large  quantity  of  beavers  and  other  furs; 
by  which  the  company  is  defrauded  of  her  revenues,  and  the 
merchants  disappointed  in  making  returns  with  that  speed 
with  which  they  might  wish  to  meet  their  engagements; 
while  their  commissioners  and  the  inhabitants  remain  over- 
stocked with  seawant,  — a  sort  of  currency  of  no  value  except 
with  the  New  Netherland  savages,  &c." 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  269 

ers  of  the  New  Amsterdammers  ;  the  whole  com- 
munity was  aroused,  and  an  oyster  crusade  was 
immediately  set  on  foot  against  the  Yankees. 
Every  stout  trencherman  hastened  to  the  stand- 
ard ;  nay,  some  of  the  most  corpulent  Burgomas- 
ters and  Schepens  joined  the  expedition  as  a  corps 
de  reserve,  only  to  be  called  into  action  when  the 
sacking  commenced. 

The  conduct  of  the  expedition  was  intrusted  to 
a  valiant  Dutchman,  who  for  size  and  weight 
might  have  matched  with  Colbrand  the  Danish 
champion,  slain  by  Guy  of  Warwick.  He  was 
famous  throughout  the  province  for  strength  of 
arm  and  skill  at  quarter-staff,  and  hence  was 
named  Stoffel  Brinkerhoff,  or  rather,  Brinker- 
hoofd,  that  is  to  say,  Stoffel  the  head-breaker. 

This  sturdy  commander,  who  was  a  man  of 
few  words  but  vigorous  deeds,  led  his  troops  reso- 
lutely on  through  Nineveh,  and  Babylon,  and 
Jericho,  and  Patch-hog,  and  other  Long  Island 
towns,  without  encountering  any  difficulty  of 
note  ;  though  it  is  said  that  some  of  the  burgo- 
masters gave  out  at  Ilardscramble  Hill  and  Hun- 
gry Hollow,  and  that  others  lost  heart  and  turned 
back  at  Puss-panick.  With  the  rest  he  made 
good  his  march  until  he  arrived  in  the  neighbor- 
hood of  Oyster  Bay. 

Here  he  was  encountered  by  a  host  of  Yan- 
kee warriors,  headed  by  Preserved  Fish,  and 
Habakkuk  Nutter,  and  Return  Strong,  and  Ze- 
rubbabel  Fisk,  and  Determined  Cock !  at  the 
sound  of  whose  names  Stoffel  Brinkerhoff  verily 
believed  the  whole  parliament  of  Praise-God 


270  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

Barebones  had  been  let  loose  upon  him.  He 
soon  found,  however,  that  they  were  merely  the 
"  selectmen "  of  the  settlement,  armed  with  no 
weapon  but  the  tongue,  and  disposed  only  to 
meet  him  on  the  field  of  argument.  Stoffel  had 
but  one  mode  of  arguing,  that  was,  with  the  cud- 
gel ;  but  he  used  it  with  such  effect  that  he  rout- 
ed his  antagonists,  broke  up  the  settlement,  and 
would  have  driven  the  inhabitants  into  the  sea  if 
they  had  not  managed  to  escape  across  the  Sound 
to  the  mainland  by  the  Devil's  stepping-stones, 
which  remain  to  this  day  monuments  of  this 
great  Dutch  victory  over  the  Yankees. 

Stoffel  Brinkerhoff  made  great  spoil  of  oysters 
and  clams,  coined  and  uncoined,  and  then  set  out 
on  his  return  to  the  Manhattoes.  A  grand  tri- 
umph, after  the  manner  of  the  ancients,  was  pre- 
pared for  him  by  William  the  Testy.  He  en- 
tered New  Amsterdam  as  a  conqueror,  mounted 
on  a  Narraganset  pacer.  Five  dried  codfish  on 
poles,  standards  taken  from  the  enemy,  were 
borne  before  him,  and  an  immense  store  of  oysters 
and  clams,  Weathersfield  onions,  and  Yankee 
"  notions  "  formed  the  spolia  opima ;  while  sev- 
eral coiners  of  oyster-shells  were  led  captive  to 
grace  the  hero's  triumph. 

The  procession  was  accompanied  by  a  full 
band  of  boys  and  negroes,  performing  on  the  pop- 
ular instruments  of  rattle-bones  and  clam-shells, 
while  Antony  Van  Corlear  sounded  his  trumpet 
from  the  ramparts. 

A  great  banquet  was  served  up  in  the  stadt- 
house  from  the  clams  and  oysters  taken  from  the 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  271 

enemy ;  while  the  governor  sent  the  shells  pri- 
vately to  the  mint,  and  had  them  coined  into  In- 
dian money,  with  which  he  paid  his  troops. 

It  is  moreover  said  that  the  governor,  calling 
to  mind  the  practice  among  the  ancients  to  honor 
their  victorious  general  with  public  statues,  passed 
a  magnanimous  decree,  by  which  every  tavern- 
keeper  was  permitted  to  paint  the  head  of  Stoffel 
Brinkerhoff  upon  his  sign ! 


272  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER   VH. 


|T  has  been  remarked  by  the  observant 
writer  of  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript, 
that  under  the  administration  of  William 
Kieft  the  disposition  of  the  inhabitants  of  New 
Amsterdam  experienced  an  essential  change,  so 
that  they  became  very  meddlesome  and  factious. 
The  unfortunate  propensity  of  the  little  governor 
to  experiment  and  innovation,  and  the  frequent 
exacerbations  of  his  temper,  kept  his  council  in  a 
continual  worry ;  and  the  council  being  to  the 
people  at  large  what  yeast  or  leaven  is  to  a  batch, 
they  threw  the  whole  community  in  a  ferment ; 
and  the  people  at  large  being  to  the  city  what 
the  mind  is  to  the  body,  the  unhappy  commotions 
they  underwent  operated  most  disastrously  upon 
New  Amsterdam,  —  insomuch  that,  in  certain  of 
their  paroxysms  of  consternation  and  perplexity, 
they  begat  several  of  the  most  crooked,  distorted, 
and  abominable  streets,  lanes,  and  alleys,  with 
which  this  metropolis  is  disfigured. 

The  fact  was,  that  about  this  time  the  commu- 
nity, like  Balaam's  ass,  began  to  grow  more 
enlightened  than  its  rider,  and  to  show  a  disposi- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  273 

tion  for  what  is  called  "  self-government."  This 
restive  propensity  was  first  evinced  in  certain 
popular  meetings,  in  which  the  burghers  of  New 
Amsterdam  met  to  talk  and  smoke  over  the  com- 
plicated affairs  of  the  province,  gradually  obfus- 
cating themselves  with  politics  and  tobacco-smoke. 
Hither  resorted  those  idlers  and  squires  of  low 
degree  who  hang  loose  on  society  and  are  blown 
about  by  every  wind  of  doctrine.  Cobblers  aban- 
doned their  stalls  to  give  lessons  on  political  econ- 
omy;  blacksmiths  suffered  their  fires  to  go  out 
while  they  stirred  up  the  fires  of  faction  ;  and 
even  tailors,  though  said  to  be  the  ninth  parts  of 
humanity,  neglected  their  own  measures  to  criti- 
cize the  measures  of  government. 

Strange  !  that  the  science  of  government, 
which  seems  to  be  so  generally  understood,  should 
invariably  be  denied  to  the  only  one  called  upon 
to  exercise  it.  Not  one  of  the  politicians  in 
question,  but,  take  his  word  for  it,  could  have  ad- 
ministered affairs  ten  times  better  than  William 
the  Testy. 

Under  the  instructions  of  these  political  ora- 
cles the  good  people  of  New  Amsterdam  soon 
became  exceedingly  enlightened,  and,  as  a  matter 
of  course,  exceedingly  discontented.  They  grad- 
ually found  out  the  fearful  error  in  which  they 
had  indulged,  of  thinking  themselves  the  happi- 
est people  in  creation,  and  were  convinced  that, 
all  circumstances  to  the  contrary  notwithstanding, 
they  were  a  very  unhappy,  deluded,  and  conse- 
quently ruined  people  ! 

We    are    naturally  prone    to    discontent,    and 


274  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

avaricious  after  imaginary  causes  of  lamentation. 
Like  lubberly  monks  we  belabor  our  own  shoul- 
ders, and  take  a  vast  satisfaction  in  the  music  of 
our  own  groans.  Nor  is  this  said  by  way  of 
paradox  ;  daily  experience  shows  the  truth  of 
these  observations.  It  is  almost  impossible  to 
elevate  the  spirits  of  a  man  groaning  under  ideal 
calamities ;  but  nothing  is  easier  than  to  render 
him  wretched,  though  on  the  pinnacle  of  felicity ; 
as  it  would  be  an  Herculean  task  to  hoist  a  man 
to  the  top  of  a  steeple,  though  the  merest  child 
could  topple  him  off  thence. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  these  popular 
meetings  were  generally  held  at  some  noted  tav- 
ern, these  public  edifices  possessing  what  in  mod- 
ern times  are  thought  the  true  fountains  of  polit- 
ical inspiration.  The  ancient  Greeks  deliberated 
upon  a  matter  when  drunk,  and  reconsidered  it 
when  sober.  Mob -politicians  in  modern  times 
dislike  to  have  two  minds  upon  a  subject,  so  they 
both  deliberate  and  act  when  drunk ;  by  this 
means  a  world  of  delay  is  spared ;  and  as  it  is 
universally  allowed  that  a  man  when  drunk  sees 
double,  it  follows  conclusively  that  he  sees  twice 
as  well  as  his  sober  neighbors. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW,  YORK.  275 


CHAPTER    VIII. 


'ILHELMUS  KIEFT,  as  has  already 
been  observed,  was  a  great  legislator 
on  a  small  scale,  and  had  a  microscopic 
eye  in  public  affairs.  He  had  been  greatly  an- 
noyed by  the  factious  meeting  of  the  good  people 
of  New  Amsterdam,  but,  observing  that  on  these 
occasions  the  pipe  was  ever  in  their  mouth,  he  be- 
gan to  think  that  the  pipe  was  at  the  bottom  of 
the  affair,  and  that  there  was  some  mysterious 
affinity  between  politics  and  tobacco-smoke.  De- 
termined to  strike  at  the  root  of  the  evil,  he 
began  forthwith  to  rail  at  tobacco,  as  a  noxious, 
nauseous  weed,  filthy  in  all  its  uses ;  and  as  to 
smoking,  he  denounced  it  as  a  heavy  tax  upon 
the  public  pocket,  —  a  vast  consumer  of  time,  a 
great  encourager  of  idleness,  and  a  deadly  bane 
to  the  prosperity  and  morals  of  the  people. 
Finally  he  issued  an  edict,  prohibiting  the  smok- 
ing of  tobacco  throughout  the  New  Netherlands. 
Ill-fated  Kieft !  Had  he  lived  in  the  present  age 
and  attempted  to  check  the  unbounded  license  of 
the  press,  he  could  not  have  struck  more  sorely 
upon  the  sensibilities  of  the  million.  The  pipe, 


276  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

in  fact,  was  the  great  organ  of  reflection  and 
deliberation  of  the  New  Netherlander.  It  was 
his  constant  companion  and  solace :  was  he  gay, 
he  smoked ;  was  he  sad,  he  smoked ;  his  pipe 
was  never  out  of  his  mouth ;  it  was  a  part  of  his 
physiognomy ;  without  it  his  best  friends  would 
not  know  him.  Take  away  his  pipe  ?  You 
might  as  well  take  away  his  nose ! 

The  immediate  effect  of  the  edict  of  William 
the  Testy  was  a  popular  commotion.  A  vast 
multitude,  armed  with  pipes  and  tobacco-boxes, 
and  an  immense  supply  of  ammunition,  sat  them- 
selves down  before  the  governor's  house,  and  fell 
to  smoking  with  tremendous  violence.  The 
testy  William  issued  forth  like  a  wrathful  spider, 
demanding  the  reason  of  this  lawless  fumigation. 
The  sturdy  rioters  replied  by  lolling  back  in  their 
seats,  and  puffing  away  with  redoubled  fury,  rais- 
ing such  a  murky  cloud  that  the  governor  was 
fain  to  take  refuge  in  the  interior  of  his  castle. 

A  long  negotiation  ensued  through  the  medium 
of  Antony  the  Trumpeter.  The  governor  was  at 
first  wrathful  and  unyielding,  but  was  gradually 
smoked  into  terms.  He  concluded  by  permitting 
the  smoking  of  tobacco,  but  he  abolished  the  fair 
long  pipes  used  in  the  days  of  Wouter  Van  Twil- 
ler,  denoting  ease,  tranquillity,  and  sobriety  of 
deportment;  these  he  condemned  as  incompatible 
with  the  despatch  of  business,  in  place  whereof 
he  substituted  little  captious  short  pipes,  two 
inches  in  length,  which,  he  observed,  could  be 
stuck  in  one  corner  of  the  mouth,  or  twisted  in 
the  hat-band,  and  would  never  be  in  the  way. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  277 

Thus  ended  this  alarming  insurrection,  which  was 
long  known  by  the  name  of  The  Pipe-Plot,  and 
which,  it  has  been  somewhat  quaintly  observed, 
did  end,  like  most  plots  and  seditious,  in  mere 
smoke. 

But  mark,  oh,  reader !  the  deplorable  evils 
which  did  afterwards  result.  The  smoke  of 
these  villanous  little  pipes,  continually  ascending 
in  a  cloud  about  the  nose,  penetrated  into  and 
befogged  the  cerebellum,  dried  up  all  the  kindly 
moisture  of  the  brain,  and  rendered  the  people 
who  use  them  as  vaporish  and  testy  as  the  gov- 
ernor himself.  Nay,  what  is  worse,  from  being 
goodly,  burly,  sleek  -  conditioned  men,  they  be- 
came, like  our  Dutch  yeomanry  who  smoke 
short  pipes,  a  lantern-jawed,  smoke-dried,  leath- 
ern-hided race. 

Nor  was  this  all.  From  this  fatal  schism  in 
tobacco-pipes  we  may  date  the  rise  of  parties  in 
the  Nieuw  Nederlands.  The  rich  and  self-im- 
portant burghers  who  had  made  their  fortunes, 
and  could  afford  to  be  lazy,  adhered  to  the 
ancient  fashion,  and  formed  a  kind  of  aristocracy 
known  as  the  Long  Pipes ;  while  the  lower 
order,  adopting  the  refonn  of  William  Kieft  as 
more  convenient  in  their  handicraft  employments, 
were  branded  with  the  plebeian  name  of  Short 
Pipes. 

A  third  party  sprang  up,  headed  by  the  de- 
scendants of  Robert  Chewit,  the  companion  of  the 
great  Hudson.  These  discarded  pipes  altogether 
and  took  to  chewing  tobacco ;  hence  they  were 
called  Quids, — an  appellation  since  given  to  those 


278  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

political  mongrels,  which  sometimes  spring  up 
between  two  great  parties,  as  a  mule  is  produced 
between  a  horse  and  an  ass. 

And  here  I  would  note  the  great  benefit  of 
party  distinctions  in  saving  the  people  at  large 
the  trouble  of  thinking.  Hesiod  divides  man- 
kind into  three  classes,  —  those  who  think  for 
themselves,  those  who  think  as  others  think,  and 
those  who  do  not  think  at  all.  The  second  class 
comprises  the  great  mass  of  society ;  for  most 
people  require  a  set  creed  and  a  file-leader. 
Hence  the  origin  of  party  :  which  means  a  large 
body  of  people,  some  few  of  whom  think,  and 
all  the  rest  talk.  The  former  take  the  lead  and 
discipline  the  latter ;  prescribing  what  they  must 
say,  what  they  must  approve,  what  they  must 
hoot  at,  whom  they  must  support,  but,  above  all, 
whom  they  must  hate ;  for  no  one  can  be  a  right 
good  partisan,  who  is  not  a  thorough-going  hater. 

The  enlightened  inhabitants  of  the  Manhat- 
toes,  therefore,  being  divided  into  parties,  were 
enabled  to  hate  each  other  with  great  accuracy. 
And  now  the  great  business  of  politics  went 
bravely  on,  the  long  pipes  and  short  pipes  assem- 
bling in  separate  beer-houses,  and  smoking  at 
each  other  with  implacable  vehemence,  to  the 
great  support  of  the  State  and  profit  of  the  tav- 
ern-keepers. Some,  indeed,  went  so  far  as  to 
bespatter  their  adversaries  with  those  odoriferous 
little  words  which  smell  so  strong  in  the  Dutch 
language,  believing,  like  true  politicians,  that 
they  served  their  party,  and  glorified  themselves 
in  proportion  as  they  bewrayed  their  neighbors. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  279 

But,  however  they  might  differ  among  them- 
selves, all  parties  agreed  in  abusing  the  governor, 
seeing  that  he  was  not  a  governor  of  their 
choice,  but  appointed  by  others  to  rule  over 
them. 

Unhappy  William  Kieft !  exclaims  the  sage 
writer  of  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  doomed  to 
contend  with  enemies  too  knowing  to  be  en- 
trapped, and  to  reign  over  a  people  too  wise  to 
be  governed.  All  his  foreign  expeditions  were 
bafHed  and  set  at  naught  by  the  all-pervading 
Yankees ;  all  his  koine  measures  were  canvassed 
and  condemned  by  "numerous  and  respectable 
meetings  "  of  pot-house  politicians. 

In  the  multitude  of  counsellors,  we  are  told, 
there  is  safety ;  but  the  multitude  of  counsellors 
was  a  continual  source  of  perplexity  to  William 
Kieft.  With  a  temperament  as  hot  as  an  old 
radish,  and  a  mind  subject  to  perpetual  whirl- 
winds and  tornadoes,  he  never  failed  to  get  into 
a  passion  with  every  one  who  undertook  to 
advise  him.  1  have  observed,  however,  that 
your  passionate  little  men,  like  small  boats  with 
lai'ge  sails,  are  easily  upset  or  blown  out  of  their 
course  ;  so  was  it  with  William  the  Testy,  who 
was  prone  to  be  carried  away  by  the  last  piece 
of  advice  blown  into  his  ear.  The  consequence 
was,  that,  though  a  projector  of  the  first  class, 
yet  by  continually  changing  his  projects  he  gave 
none  a  fair  trial ;  and  by  endeavoring  to  do 
everything,  he  in  sober  truth  did  nothing. 

In  the  mean  time,  the  sovereign  people  got 
into  the  saddle,  showed  themselves,  as  usual, 


280  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

unmerciful  riders ;  spurring  on  the  little  govern- 
or with  harangues  and  petitions,  and  thwarting 
him  with  memorials  and  reproaches,  in  much  the 
same  way  as  holiday  apprentices  manage  an 
unlucky  devil  of  a  hack-horse,  —  so  that  Wilhel- 
mus  Kieft  was  kept  at  a  worry  or  a  gallop 
throughout  the  whole  of  his  administration. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  281 


CHAPTER   IX. 


>F  we  could  but  get  a  peep  at  the  tally 
of  dame  Fortune,  where  like  a  vigilant 
landlady  she  chalks  up  the  debtor  and 
creditor  accounts  of  thoughtless  mortals,  we 
should  find  that  every  good  is  checked  off  by  an 
evil,  and  that,  however  we  may  apparently  revel 
scot-free  for  a  season,  the  time  will  come  when 
AVC  must  ruefully  pay  off  the  reckoning.  For- 
tune in  fact  is  a  pestilent  shrew,  and  withal  an 
inexorable  creditor ;  and  though  for  a  time  she 
may  be  all  smiles  and  courtesies,  and  indulge 
us  in  long  credits,  yet  sooner  or  later  she  brings 
up  her  arrears  with  a  vengeance,  and  washes  out 
her  scores  with  our  tears.  "  Since,"  says  good 
old  Boetius,  "  no  man  can  retain  her  at  his  pleas- 
ure ;  what  are  her  favors  but  sure  prognostica- 
tions of  approaching  trouble  and  calamity  ?  " 

This  is  the  fundamental  maxim  of  that  sage 
school  of  philosophers,  the  croakers,  Avho  esteem 
it  true  wisdom  to  doubt  and  despond  when  other 
men  rejoice,  well  knowing  that  happiness  is  at 
best  but  transient,  —  that,  the  higher  one  is  ele- 


282  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

vated  on  the  seesaw  balance  of  fortune,  the 
lower  must  be  his  subsequent  depression,  —  that 
he  who  is  on  the  uppermost  round  of  a  ladder  has 
most  to  suffer  from  a  fall,  while  he  who  is  at  the 
bottom  runs  very  little  risk  of  breaking  his  neck 
by  tumbling  to  the  top. 

Philosophical  readers  of  this  stamp  must  have 
doubtless  indulged  in  dismal  forebodings  all 
through  the  tranquil  reign  of  Walter  the  Doubt- 
er, and  considered  it  what  Dutch  seamen  call  a 
weather-breeder.  They  will  not  be  surprised, 
therefore,  that  the  foul  weather  which  gathered 
during  his  days  should  now  be  rattling  from  all 
quarters  on  the  head  of  William  the  Testy. 

The  origin  of  some  of  these  troubles  may  be 
traced  quite  back  to  the  discoveries  and  annexa- 
tions of  Hans  Reinier  Oothout,  the  explorer,  and 
Wynant  Ten  Breeches,  the  land-measurer,  made 
in  the  twilight  days  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer ;  by 
which  the  territories  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlands 
were  carried  far  to  the  south,  to  Delaware  river 
and  parts  beyond.  The  consequence  was,  many 
disputes  and  brawls  with  the  Indians,  which  now 
and  then  reached  the  drowsy  ears  of  Walter  the 
Doubter  and  his  council,  like  the  muttering  of 
distant  thunder  from  behind  the  mountains,  with- 
out, however,  disturbing  their  repose.  It  was 
not  till  the  time  of  William  the  Testy  that  the 
thunderbolt  reached  the  Manhattoes.  While  the 
little  governor  was  diligently  protecting  his  east- 
ern boundaries  from  the  Yankees,  word  was 
brought  him  of  the  irruption  of  a  vagrant  colony 
of  Swedes  in  the  south,  who  had  landed  on  the 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  283 

banks  of  the  Delaware  and  displayed  the  banner 
of  that  redoubtable  virago  Queen  Christina,  and 
taken  possession  of  the  country  in  her  name. 
These  had  been  guided  in  their  expedition  by 
one  Peter  Minuits,  or  Minnewits,  a  renegade 
Dutchman,  formerly  in  the  service  of  their  High 
Mightinesses,  but  who  now  declared  himself  gov- 
ernor of  all  the  surrounding  country,  to  which 
was  given  the  name  of  the  province  of  NEW 
SWEDEN. 

It  is  an  old  saying  that  "  a  little  pot  is  soon 
hot,"  which  was  the  case  with  William  the  Testy. 
Being  a  little  man,  he  was  soon  in  a  passion, 
and  once  in  a  passion,  he  soon  boiled  over.  Sum- 
moning his.  council  on  the  receipt  of  this  news,  he 
belabored  the  Swedes  in  the  longest  speech  that 
had  been  heard  in  the  colony  since  the  wordy 
warfare  of  Ten  Breeches  and  Tough  Breeches. 
Having  thus  taken  off'  the  fire-edge  of  his  valor, 
he  resorted  to  his  favorite  measure  of  proclama- 
tion, and  despatched  a  document  of  the  kind,  or- 
dering the  renegade  Minnewits  and  his  gang  of 
Swedish  vagabonds  to  leave  the  country  imme- 
diately, under  pain  of  the  vengeance  of  their 
High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States  General, 
and  of  the  potentates  of  the  Manhattoes. 

This  strong  measure  was  not  a  whit  more 
effectual  than  its  predecessors,  which  had  been 
thundered  against  the  Yankees ;  and  William 
Kieft  was  preparing  to  follow  it  up  with  some- 
thing still  more  formidable,  when  he  received  in- 
telligence of  other  invaders  on  his  southern  fron- 
tier, who  had  taken  possession  of  the  banks  of 


284  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  Schuylkill,  and  built  a  fort  there.  They  were 
represented  as  a  gigantic,  gunpowder  race  of 
men,  exceedingly  expert  at  boxing,  biting,  goug- 
ing, and  other  branches  of  the  rough-and-tumble 
mode  of  warfare,  which  they  had  learned  from 
their  prototypes  and  cousins-german,  the  Virgin- 
ians, to  whom  they  have  ever  borne  considerable 
resemblance.  Like  them,  too,  they  were  great 
roisters,  much  given  to  revel  on  hoe-cake  and 
bacon,  mint-julep  and  apple-toddy ;  whence  their 
newly  formed  colony  had  already  acquired  the 
name  of  Merryland,  which,  with  a  slight  modifi- 
cation, it  retains  to  the  present  day. 

In  fact,  the  Merrylanders  and  their  cousins, 
the  Virginians,  Avere  represented  to  William  Kieft 
as  offsets  from  the  same  original  stock  as  his  bit- 
ter enemies  the  Yanokie,  or  Yankee  tribes  of  the 
east,  having  both  come  over  to  this  country  for 
the  liberty  of  conscience,  or,  in  other  words,  to 
live  as  they  pleased :  the  Yankees  taking  to  pray- 
ing and  money-making,  and  converting  quakers  ; 
and  the  Southerners  to  horse-racing  and  cock- 
fighting,  and  breeding  negroes. 

Against  these  new  invaders  Wilhelmus  Kieft 
immediately  despatched  a  naval  armament  of  two 
sloops  and  thirty  men,  under  Jan  Jansen  Alpeii- 
dam,  who  was  armed  to  the  very  teeth  with  one 
of  the  little  governor's  most  powerful  speeches, 
written  in  vigorous  Low  Dutch. 

Admiral  Alpendam  arrived  without  accident  in 
the  Schuylkill,  and  came  upon  the  enemy  just  as 
they  were  engaged  in  a  great  "  barbecue,"  a  kind 
of  festivity  or  carouse  much  practised  in  MeiTy- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  285 

land.  Opening  upon  them  with  the  speech  of 
William  the  Testy,  he  denounced  them  as  a  pack 
of  lazy,  canting,  julep -tippling,  cock-fighting, 
horse-racing,  slave-trading,  tavern-hunting,  Sab- 
bath-breakirig,  mulatto-breeding  upstarts,  and  con- 
cluded by  ordering  them  to  evacuate  the  country 
immediately :  to  which  they  laconically  replied  in 
plain  English,  "  they  'd  see  him  d — d  first !  " 

Now,  this  was  a  reply  on  which  neither  Jan 
Jansen  Alpendam  nor  Wilhelmus  Kieft  had 
made  any  calculation.  Finding  himself,  there- 
fore, totally  unprepared  to  answer  so  terrible  a 
rebuff  with  suitable  hostility,  the  admiral  con- 
cluded his  wisest  course  would  be  to  return  home 
and  report  progress.  He  accordingly  steered  his 
course  back  to  New  Amsterdam,  where  he  ar- 
rived safe,  having  accomplished  this  hazardous 
enterprise  at  small  expense  of  treasure  and  no 
loss  of  life.  His  saving  policy  gained  him  the 
universal  appellation  of  the  Saviour  of  his  Coun- 
try ;  and  his  services  were  suitably  rewarded  by 
a  shingle  monument,  erected  by  subscription  on  the 
top  of  Flattenbarrack  Hill,  where  it  immortalized 
his  name  for  three  whole  years,  when  it  fell  to 
pieces  and  was  burnt  for  firewood. 


286  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER    X. 

TROUBLOUS  TIMES  ON  THE  HUDSON  —  HOW  KILLIAN  VAN  RENSELLAEE 
ERECTED  A  FEUDAL  CASTLE,  AND  HOW  HE  INTRODUCED  CLUB-LAW  INTO 
THE  PROVINCE. 

>  BOUT  this  time  the  testy  little  governor 
of  the  New  Netherlands  appears  to 
have  had  his  hands  full,  and  with  one 
annoyance  and  the  other  to  have  been  kept  con- 
tinually on  the  bounce.  He  was  on  the  very 
point  of  following  up  the  expedition  of  Jan  Jan- 
sen  Alpendam  by  some  belligerent  measures 
against  the  marauders  of  Merryland,  when  his 
attention  was  suddenly  called  away  by  belligerent 
troubles  springing  up  in  another  quarter,  the 
seeds  of  which  had  been  sown  in  the  tranquil 
days  of  Walter  the  Doubter. 

The  reader  will  recollect  the  deep  doubt  into 
which  that  most  pacific  governor  was  thrown  on 
Killian  Van  Rensellaer's  taking  possession  of 
Beam  Island  by  wapen  recht.  While  the  gov- 
ernor doubted  and  did  nothing,  the  lordly  Killian 
went  on  to  complete  his  sturdy  little  castellum  of 
Rensellaerstein,  and  to  garrison  it  with  a  number 
of  his  tenants  from  the  Helderberg,  a  mountain 
region  famous  for  the  hardest  heads  and  hardest 
fists  in  the  province.  Nicholas  Koorn,  a  faithful 
squire  of  the  patroon,  accustomed  to  strut  at  his 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  287 

heels,  wear  his  cast-off  clothes,  and  imitate  his 
lofty  bearing,  was  established  in  this  post  as 
Avacht-meester.  His  duty  it  was  to  keep  an  eye 
on  the  river,  and  oblige  every  vessel  that  passed, 
unless  on  the  service  of  their  High  Mightinesses, 
to  strike  its  flag,  lower  its  peak,  and  pay  toll  to 
the  lord  of  Rensellaerstein. 

This  assumption  of  sovereign  authority  within 
the  territories  of  the  Lords  States  General,  how- 
ever it  might  have  been  tolerated  by  Walter  the 
Doubter,  had  been  sharply  contested  by  William 
the  Testy  on  coming  into  office  ;  and  many  writ- 
ten remonstrances  had  been  addressed  by  him  to 
Killian  Van  Rensellaer,  to  which  the  latter  never 
deigned  a  reply.  Thus,  by  degrees,  a  sore  place, 
or,  in  Hibernian  parlance,  a  raw,  had  been  estab- 
lished in  the  irritable  soul  of  the  little  governor, 
insomuch  that  he  winced  at  the  very  name  of 
Rensellaerstein. 

Now  it  came  to  pass,  that,  on  a  fine  sunny  day, 
the  Company's  yacht,  the  Half-Moon,  having 
been  on  one  of  its  stated  visits  to  Fort  Aurania, 
was  quietly  tiding  it  down  the  Hudson.  The 
commander,  Govert  Lockerman,  a  veteran  Dutch 
skipper  of  few  words  but  great  bottom,  was 
seated  on  the  high  poop,  quietly  smoking  his  pipe 
under  the  shadow  of  the  proud  flag  of  Orange, 
when,  on  arriving  abreast  of  Beam  Island,  he 
was  saluted  by  a  stentorian  voice  from  the  shore, 
"  Lower  thy  flag,  and  be  d — d  to  thee  !  " 

Govert  Lockerman,  without  taking  his  pipe 
out  of  his  mouth,  turned  up  his  eye  from  under 
his  broail-brimmed  hat  to  see  who  hailed  him 


288  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

thus  discourteously.  There,  on  the  ramparts  of 
the  fort,  stood  Nicholas  Koorn,  armed  to  the 
teeth,  flourishing  a  brass-hilted  sword,  while  a 
steeple-crowned  hat  and  cock's  tail-feather,  for- 
merly worn  by  Killian  Van  Rensellaer  himself, 
gave  an  inexpressible  loftiness  to  his  demeanor. 

Govert  Lockerman  eyed  the  warrior  from  top 
to  toe,  but  was  not  to  be  dismayed.  Taking  the 
pipe  slowly  out  of  his  mouth,  "  To  whom  should 
I  lower  my  flag  ?  "  demanded  he.  "  To  the  high 
and  mighty  Killian  Van  Rensellaer,  the  loi'd  of 
Rensellaerstein  !  "  was  the  reply. 

"  I  lower  it  to  none  but  the  Prince  of  Orange 
and  my  masters  the  Lords  States  General."  So 
saying,  he  resumed  his  pipe  and  smoked  with  an 
air  of  dogged  determination. 

Bang !  went  a  gun  from  the  fortress ;  the  ball 
cut  both  sail  and  rigging.  Govert  Lockerman 
said  nothing,  but  smoked  the  more  doggedly. 

Bang !  went  another  _gun ;  the  shot  whistled 
close  astern. 

"  Fire,  and  be  d — d,"  cried  Govert  Locker- 
man, cramming  a  new  charge  of  tobacco  into  his 
pipe,  and  smoking  with  still  increasing  vehe- 
mence. 

Bang !  went  a  third  gun.  The  shot  passed 
over  his  head,  tearing  a  hole  in  the  "  princely 
flag  of  Orange." 

This  was  the  hardest  trial  of  all  for  the  pride 
and  patience  of  Govert  Lockerman.  He  main- 
tained a  stubborn,  though  swelling  silence  ;  but 
his  smothered  rage  might  be  perceived  by  the 
short  vehement  puffs  of  smoke  emitted 'from  his 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  289 

pipe,  by  which  he  might  be  tracked  for  miles,  as 
he  slowly  floated  out  of  shot  and  out  of  sight  of 
Beam  Island.  In  fact  he  never  gave  vent  to  his 
passion  until  he  got  fairly  among  the  highlands 
of  the  Hudson  ;  when  he  let  fly  whole  volleys 
of  Dutch  oaths,  which  are  said  to  linger  to  this 
very  day  among  the  echoes  of  the  Dunderberg, 
and  to  give  particular  effect  to  the  thunder-storms 
in  that  neighborhood. 

It  was  the  sudden  apparition  of  Govert  Lock- 
erman  at  Dog's  Misery,  bearing  in  his  hand  the 
tattered  flag  of  Orange,  that  arrested  the  attention 
of  William  the  Testy,  just  as  he  was  devising  a 
new  expedition  against  the  marauders  of  Merry- 
land.  I  will  not  pretend  to  describe  the  passion 
of  the  little  man  when  he  heard  of  the  outrage 
of  Rensellaerstein.  Suffice  it  to  say,  in  the  first 
transports  of  his  fury,  he  turned  Dog's  Misery 
topsy-turvy ;  kicked  every  cur  out  of  doors,  and 
threw  the  cats  out  of  the  window  ;  after  which, 
his  spleen  being  in  some  measure  relieved,  he 
went  into  a  council  of  war  with  Govert  Locker- 
man,  the  skipper,  assisted  by  Antony  Van  Cor- 
lear,  the  Trumpeter. 


290  HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER   XL 


OP  THE  DIPLOMATIC  MIS 
TRESS  OF  RENSELLAEI 
ALtSTIO  REPLY. 


E  eyes  of  an  New  Amsterdam  were 
now  turned  to  see  what  would  be  the 
end  of  this  direful  feud  between  Wil- 
liam the  Testy  and  the  patroon  of  Rensellaer- 
wick;  and  some,  observing  the  consultations  of 
the  governor  with  the  skipper  and  the  trumpeter, 
predicted  warlike  measures  by  sea  and  land. 
The  wrath  of  William  Kieft,  however,  though 
quick  to  rise,  was  quick  to  evaporate.  He  was 
a  perfect  brush-heap  in  a  blaze,  snapping  and 
crackling  for  a  time,  and  then  ending  in  smoke. 
Like  many  other  valiant  potentates,  his  first 
thoughts  were  all  for  war,  his  sober  second 
thoughts  for  diplomacy. 

Accordingly,  Govert  Lockerman  was  once 
more  despatched  up  the  river  in  the  Company's 
yacht,  the  Goed  Hoop,  bearing  Antony  the 
Trumpeter  as  ambassador,  to  treat  with  the  bellig- 
erent powers  of  Rensellaerstein.  In  the  fulness 
of  time  the  yacht  arrived  before  Bearn  Island, 
and  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  mounting  the  poop, 
sounded  a  parley  to  the  fortress.  In  a  little  while 
the  steeple-crowned  hat  of  Nicholas  Koorn,  the 


HISTORY  OF  NEW    YORK.  291 

wacht-meester,  rose  above  the  battlements,  fol- 
lowed by  his  iron  visage,  and  ultimately  his 
whole  person,  armed,  as  before,  to  the  very  teeth ; 
while,  one  by  one,  a  whole  row  of  Helderbergers 
reared  their  round  burly  heads  above  the  wall, 
and  beside  each  pumpkin-head  peered  the  end  of 
a  rusty  musket.  Nothing  daunted  by  this  formi- 
dable array,  Antony  Van  Corlear  drew  forth  and 
read  with  audible  voice  a  missive  from  William 
the  Testy,  protesting  against  the  usurpation  of 
Beam  Island,  and  ordering  the  garrison  to  quit 
the  premises,  bag  and  baggage,  on  pain  of  the 
vengeance  of  the  potentate  of  the  Manhattoes. 

In  reply,  the  wacht-meester  applied  the  thumb 
of  his  right  hand  to  the  end  of  his  nose,  and  the 
thumb  of  his  left  hand  to  the  little  finger  of  the 
right,  and  spreading  each  hand  like  a  fan,  made 
an  aerial  flourish  with  his  fingers.  Antony  Van 
Corlear  was  sorely  perplexed  to  understand  this 
sign,  which  seemed  to  him  something  mysterious 
and  masonic.  Not  liking  to  betray  his  ignorance, 
he  again  read  with  a  loud  voice  the  missive  of 
William  the  Testy,  and  again  Nicholas  Koorn 
applied  the  thumb  of  his  right  hand  to  the  end 
of  his  nose,  and  the  thumb  of  his  left  hand  to 
the  little  finger  of  the  right,  and  repeated  this 
kind  of  nasal  weather-cock.  Antony  Van  Cor- 
lear now  persuaded  himself  that  this  was  some 
short-hand  sign  or  symbol,  current  in  diplomacy, 
which,  though  unintelligible  to  a  new  diplomat, 
like  himself,  would  speak  volumes  to  the  experi- 
enced intellect  of  William  the  Testy ;  consider- 
ing his  embassy  therefore  at  an  end,  he  sounded 


292  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

his  trumpet  Avith  great  complacency,  and  set  sail 
on  his  return  down  the  river,  every  now  and 
then  practising  this  mysterious  sign  of  the  wacht- 
meester,  to  keep  it  accurately  in  mind. 

Arrived  at  New  Amsterdam,  he  made  a  faith- 
ful report  of  his  embassy  to  the  governor,  accom- 
panied by  a  manual  exhibition  of  the  response  of 
Nicholas  Koorn.  The  governor  was  equally  per- 
plexed with  his  embassy.  He  was  deeply  versed 
in  the  mysteries  of  freemasonry ;  but  they  threw 
no  light  on  the  matter.  He  knew  every  variety 
of  windmill  and  weather-cock,  but  was  not  a  whit 
the  wiser  as  to  the  aerial  sign  in  question.  He 
had  even  dabbled  in  Egyptian  hieroglyphics  and 
the  mystic  symbols  of  the  obelisks,  but  none  fur- 
nished a  key  to  the  reply  of  Nicholas  Koorn.  He 
called  a  meeting  of  his  council.  Antony  Van 
Corlear  stood  forth  in  the  midst,  and  putting  the 
thumb  of  his  right  hand  to  his  nose,  and  the 
thumb  of  his  left  hand  to  the  finger  of  the  right, 
he  gave  a  faithful  fac-simile  of  the  portentous 
sign.  Having  a  nose  of  unusual  dimensions,  it 
was  as  if  the  reply  had  been  put  in  capitals ; 
but  all  in  vain  :  the  worthy  burgomasters  were 
equally  perplexed  with  the  governor.  Each  one 
put  his  thumb  to  the  end  of  his  nose,  spread  his 
fingers  like  a  fan,  imitated  the  motion  of  Antony 
Van  Corlear,  and  then  smoked  in  dubious  silence. 
Several  times  was  Antony  obliged  to  stand  forth 
like  a  fugleman  and  repeat  the  sign,  and  each 
time  a  circle  of  nasal  weather-cocks  might  be 
seen  in  the  council-chamber. 

Perplexed  in  the  extreme,  William  the  Testy 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  293 

sent  for  all  the  soothsayers,  and  fortune-tellers, 
and  wise  men  of  the  Manliattoes,  but  none  could 
interpret  the  mysterious  reply  of  Nicholas  Koorn. 
The  council  broke  up  in  sore  perplexity.  The 
matter  got  abroad,  and  Antony  Van  Corlear  was 
stopped  at  every  corner  to  repeat  the  signal  to  a 
knot  of  anxious  newsmongers,  each  of  whom  de- 
parted with  his  thumb  to  his  nose  and  his  fingers 
in  the  air,  to  carry  the  story  home  to  his  family. 
For  several  days,  all  business  was  neglected  in 
New  Amsterdam ;  nothing  was  talked  of  but  the 
diplomatic  mission  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  — 
nothing  was  to  be  seen  but  knots  of  politicians 
with  their  thumbs  to  their  noses.  In  the  mean 
time  the  fierce  feud  between  William  the  Testy 
and  Killian  Van  Rensellaer,  which  at  first  had 
menaced  deadly  warfare,  gradually  cooled  off,  like 
many  other  war-questions,  in  the  prolonged  delays 
of  diplomacy. 

Still  to  this  early  affair  of  Rensellaerstein 
may  be  traced  the  remote  origin  of  those  windy 
wars  in  modern  days  which  rage  in  the  bowels 
of  the  Helderberg,  and  have  wellnigh  shaken 
the  great  patroonship  of  the  Van  Rensellaers  to 
its  foundation ;  for  we  are  told  that  the  bully 
boys  of  the  Helderberg,  who  served  under  Nich- 
olas Koorn  the  wacht-meester,  carried  back  to 
their  mountains  the  hieroglyphic  sign  Avhich  had 
so  sorely  puzzled  Antony  Van  Corlear  and  the 
sages  of  the  Manliattoes ;  so  that  to  the  present 
day  the  thumb  to  the  nose  and  the  fingers  in 
the  air  is  apt  to  be  the  reply  of  the  Helder- 
bergers  whenever  called  upon  for  any  long 
arrears  of  rent. 


294  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER  XH. 

CONTAINING  THE  RISE  OP  THE  GREAT  AMPHICTTONIC  COUNCIL  OP  THB 
PILGRIMS,  WITH  THE  DECLINE  AND  PINAL  EXTINCTION  OP  WILLIAM 
THE  TESTT. 

T  was  asserted  by  the  wise  men  of  an- 
cient times,  who  had  a  nearer  oppor- 
tunity of  ascertaining  the  fact,  that  at 
the  gate  of  Jupiter's  palace  lay  two  huge  tuns, 
one  filled  with  blessings,  the  other  with  mis- 
fortunes ;  and  it  would  verily  seem  as  if  the 
latter  had  been  completely  overturned  and  left 
to  deluge  the  unlucky  province  of  Nieuw  Neder- 
lands :  for  about  this  time,  while  harassed  and 
annoyed  from  the  south  and  the  north,  incessant 
forays  were  made  by  the  border-chivalry  of  Con- 
necticut upon  the  pig-sties  and  hen-roosts  of  the 
Nederlanders.  Every  day  or  two  some  broad- 
bottomed  express-rider,  covered  with  mud  and 
mire,  would  come  floundering  into  the  gate  of 
New  Amsterdam,  freighted  with  some  new  tale 
of  aggression  from  the  frontier  ;  whereupon  An- 
tony Van  Corlear,  seizing  his  trumpet,  the  only 
substitute  for  a  newspaper  in  those  primitive 
days,  would  sound  the  tidings  from  the  ramparts 
with  such  doleful  notes  and  disastrous  cadence 
as  to  throw  half  the  old  women  in  the  city  into 
hysterics  ;  all  wliich  tended  greatly  to  increase 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  295 

his  popularity ;  there  being  nothing  for  which  the 
public  are  more  grateful  than  being  frequently 
treated  to  a  panic,  —  a  secret  well  known  to  the 
modern  editors. 

But,  oh  ye  powers  !  into  what  a  paroxysm  of 
passion  did  each  new  outrage  of  the  Yankees 
throw  the  choleric  little  governor !  Letter  after 
letter,  protest  after  protest,  bad  Latin,  worse 
English,  and  hideous  Low  Dutch,  Avere  inces- 
santly fulminated  upon  them,  and  the  four-and- 
twenty  letters  of  the  alphabet,  which  formed  his 
standing  army,  were  worn  out  by  constant  cam- 
paigning. All,  however,  was  ineffectual ;  even 
the  recent  victory  at  Oyster  Bay,  which  had  shed 
such  a  gleam  of  sunshine  between  the  clouds  of 
his  foul-weather  reign,  was  soon  followed  by  a 
more  fearful  gathering  up  of  those  clouds,  and 
indications  of  more  portentous  tempest ;  for  the 
Yankee  tribe  on  the  banks  of  the  Connecticut, 
finding  on  this  memorable  occasion  their  incom- 
petency  to  cope,  in  fair  fight,  with  the  sturdy 
chivalry  of  the  Manhattoes,  had  called  to  their 
aid  all  the  ten  tribes  of  their  brethren  who  in- 
habit the  east  country,  which  from  them  has 
derived  the  name  of  Yankee -land.  This  call 
was  promptly  responded  to.  The  consequence 
was  a  great  confederacy  of  the  tribes  of  Massa- 
chusetts, Connecticut,  New  Plymouth,  and  New 
Haven,  under  the  title  of  the  "  United  Colonies 
of  New  England  " ;  the  pretended  object  of  which 
was  mutual  defence  against  the  savages,  but  the 
real  object  the  subjugation  of  the  Nieuw  Neder- 
lands. 


296  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

For,  to  let  the  reader  into  one  of  the  great 
secrets  of  history,  the  Nieuw  Nederlands  had  long ' 
been  regarded  by  the  whole  Yankee  race  as  the 
modern  land  of  promise,  and  themselves  as  the 
chosen  and  peculiar  people  destined,  one  day  or 
other,  by  hook  or  by  crook,  to  get  possession  of 
it.  In  truth,  they  are  a  wonderful  and  all-prev- 
alent people,  of  that  class  who  only  require  an 
inch  to  gain  an  ell,  or  a  halter  to  gain  a  horse. 
From  the  time  they  first  gained  a  foothold  on 
Plymouth  Rock,  they  began  to  migrate,  progress- 
ing and  progressing  from  place  to  place,  and  land 
to  land,  making  a  little  here  and  a  little  there, 
and  controverting  the  old  proverb,  that  a  rolling 
stone  gathers  no  moss.  Hence  they  have  face- 
tiously received  the  nickname  of  THE  PILGRIMS  : 
that  is  to  say,  a  people  who  are  always  seeking  a 
better  country  than  their  own. 

The  tidings  of  this  great  Yankee  league  struck 
William  Kieft  with  dismay,  and  for  once  in  his 
life  he  forgot  to  bounce  on  receiving  a  disagree- 
able piece  of  intelligence.  In  fact,  on  turning 
over  in  his  mind  all  that  he  had  read  at  the 
Hague  about  leagues  and  combinations,  he  found 
that  this  was  a  counterpart  of  the  Amphictyonic 
league,  by  which  the  states  of  Greece  attained 
such  power  and  supremacy ;  and  the  very  idea 
made  his  heart  quake  for  the  safety  of  his  empire 
at  the  Manhattoes. 

The  affairs  of  the  confederacy  were  managed 
by  an  annual  council  of  delegates  held  at  Boston, 
which  Kieft  denominated  the  Delphos  of  this 
truly  classic  league.  The  very  first  meeting  gave 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  297 

evidence  of  hostility  to  the  Nieuw  Nederlanders, 
who  were  charged,  in  their  dealings  with  the  In- 
dians, Avith  carrying  on  a  traffic  in  "  guns,  pow- 
ther  and  shott, — a  trade  damnable  and  injuri- 
ous to  the  colonists."  It  is  true  the  Connecticut 
traders  were  fain  to  dabble  a  little  in  this  dam- 
nable traffic  ;  but  then  they  always  dealt  in  what 
were  termed  Yankee  guns,  ingeniously  calculated 
to  bui-st  in  the  pagan  hands  which  used  them. 

The  rise  of  this  potent  confederacy  was  a 
death-blow  to  the  glory  of  William  the  Testy, 
for  from  that  day  forward  he  never  held  up  his 
head,  but  appeared  quite  crestfallen.  It  is  true, 
as  the  grand  council  augmented  in  power,  and 
the  league,  rolling  onward,  gathered  about  the 
red  hills  of  New  Haven,  threatening  to  overwhelm 
the  Nieuw  Nederlands,  he  continued  occasionally 
to  fulminate  proclamations  and  protests,  as  a 
shrewd  sea-captain  fires  his  guns  into  a  water- 
spout ;  but  alas !  they  had  no  more  effect  than 
so  many  blank  cartridges. 

Thus  end  the  authenticated  chronicles  of  the 
reign  of  William  the  Testy ;  for  henceforth,  in 
the  troubles,  perplexities,  and  confusion  of  the 
times,  he  seems  to  have  been  totally  overlooked, 
and  to  have  slipped  forever  through  the  fingers 
of  scrupulous  history.  It  is  a  matter  of  deep 
concern  that  such  obscurity  should  hang  over  his 
latter  days ;  for  he  was  in  truth  a  mighty  and 
great-little  man,  and  worthy  of  being  utterly  re- 
iiowncd,  seeing  that  he  \vas  the  first  potentate 
that  introduced  into  this  land  the  art  of  fight- 
ing by  proclamation,  and  defending  a  country  by 
trumpeters  and  Avind-mills. 


298  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

It  is  true,  that  certain  of  the  early  provincial 
poets,  of  whom  there  were  great  numbers  in  the 
Nieuw  Nederlands,  taking  advantage  of  his  mys- 
terious exit,  have  fabled,  that,  like  Romulus,  he 
was  translated  to  the  skies,  and  forms  a  very 
fiery  little  star,  somewhere  on  the  left  claw  of 
the  Crab  ;  while  others,  equally  fanciful,  declare 
that  he  had  experienced  a  fate  similar  to  that 
of  the  good  king  Arthur,  who,  we  are  assured 
by  ancient  bards,  was  carried  away  to  the  deli- 
cious abodes  of  fairy-land,  where  he  still  exists 
in  pristine  worth  and  vigor,  and  will  one  day  or 
another  return  to  restore  the  gallantry,  the  honor, 
and  the  immaculate  probity,  which  prevailed  in 
the  glorious  days  of  the  Round  Table.1 

All  these,  however,  are  but  pleasing  fantasies, 
the  cobweb  visions  of  those  dreaming  varlets, 
the  poets,  to  which  I  would  not  have  my  judi- 
cious readers  attach  any  credibility.  Neither  am 
I  disposed  to  credit  an  ancient  and  rather  apocry- 
phal historian,  who  asserts  that  the  ingenious 
Wilhelmus  was  annihilated  by  the  blowing  down 
of  one  of  his  wind-mills ;  nor  a  writer  of  latter 
times,  who  affirms  that  he  fell  a  victim  to  an 
experiment  in  natural  history,  having  the  misfor- 
tune to  break  his  neck  from  a  garret-window  of 

1  The  old  Welsh  bards  believed  that  king  Arthur  was  not 
dead,  but  carried  awaie  by  the  fairies  into  some  pleasant 
place,  where  he  sholde  remaine  for  a  time,  and  then  returne 
againeand  reigne  in  as  great  authority  as  ever. —  HOLLINSHED. 

The  Britons  suppose  that  he  shall  come  yet  and  conquere 
all  Britaigne,  for  certes,  this  is  the  prophicye  of  Merlyn  —  He 
say'd  that  his  deth  shall  be  doubteous  ;"  and  said  soth,  for 
men  thereof  yet  have  doubte  and  shullen  for  ever  more  —  for 
men  wyt  not  whether  that  he  ly veth  or  is  dede.—  DK.  LEEW. 
CHRON. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  299 

the  stadthouse  in  attempting  to  catch  swallows  by 
sprinkling  salt  upon  their  tails.  Still  less  do  I 
put  my  faith  in  the  tradition  that  he  perished 
at  sea  in  conveying  home  to  Holland  a  treasure 
of  golden  ore,  discovered  somewhere  among  the 
haunted  regions  of  the  Catskill  mountains.1 

1  Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  in  his  scrupulous  search  after 
truth,  is  sometimes  too  fastidious  in  regard  to  facts  which  bor- 
der a  little  on  the  marvellous.  The  story  of  the  golden  ore 
rests  on  something  better  than  mere  tradition.  The  venerable 
Adrian  Van  der  Donck,  Doctor  of  Laws,  in  his  description  of 
the  New  Netherlands,  asserts  it  from  his  own  observation  as 
an  eye-witness.  He  was  present,  he  says,  in  1645,  at  a  treaty 
between  Governor  Kieft  and  the  Mohawk  Indians,  in  which 
one  of  the  latter,  in  painting  himself  for  the  ceremony,  used  a 
pigment,  the  weight  and  shining  appearance  of  which  excited 
the  curiosity  of  the  governor  and  Mynheer  Van  der  Donck. 
They  obtained  a  lump,  and  gave  it  to  be  proved  by  a  skilful 
doctor  of  medicine,  Johannes  de  la  Montague,  one  of  the  coun- 
cillors of  the  New  Netherlands.  It  was  put  into  a  crucible, 
and  yielded  two  pieces  of  gold,  worth  about  three  guilders. 
All  this,  continues  Adrian  Van  der  Donck,  was  kept  secret.  As 
soon  as  peace  was  made  with  the  Mohawks,  an  officer  and  a  few 
men  were  sent  to  the  mountain,  (in  the  region  of  the  Kaats- 
kill,)  under  the  guidance  of  an  Indian,  to  search  for  the  pre- 
cious mineral.  They  brought  back  a  bucket  full  of  ore ;  which, 
being  submitted  to  the  crucible,  proved  as  productive  as  the 
first.  William  Kieft  now  thought  the  discover}-  certain.  He 
sent  a  confidential  person,  Arent  Corsen,  with  a" bag  full  of  the 
mineral,  to  New  Haven,  to  take  passage  in  an  English  ship 
for  Kngland,  thence  to  proceed  to  Holland.  The  vessel  sailed 
at  Christmas,  but  never  reached  her  port.  All  on  board  per- 
ished. 

In  the  year  1647,  Wilhelmus  Kieft  himself  embarked  on 
board  the  Princess,  taking  with  him  specimens  of  the  sup- 
posed mineral.  The  ship  was  never  heard  of  more! 

Some  have  supposed  that  the  mineral  in  question  was  not 
gold,  but  pyrites;  but  we  have  the  assertion  of  Adrian  Van  der 
Donck,  an  eye-witness,  and  the  experiment  of  Johannes  de  la 
Montagne,  a  learned  doctor  of  medicine,  on  the  golden  side 
of  the  question.  Cornelius  Van  Tienhooven,  also,  at  that 
time  secretary  of  the  New  Netherlands,  declared  in  Holland 
that  he  had  tested  several  specimens  of  the  mineral,  which 
proved  satisfactory.* 

*  See  Van  der  Donck's  "  Description  of  the  New  Netherlands." 
Collect.  New  York  Hist.  Society,  Vol.  I.  p.  161. 


300  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

The  most  probable  account  declares,  that,  what 
with  the  constant  troubles  on  his  frontiers,  the 
incessant  schemings  and  projects  going  on  in  his 
own  pericranium,  the  memorials,  petitions,  remon- 
strances, and  sage  pieces  of  advice  of  respectable 
meetings  of  the  sovereign  people,  and  the  refrac- 
tory disposition  of  his  councillors,  who  were  sure 
to  differ  from  him  on  every  point,  and  uniformly 
to  be  in  the  wrong,  his  mind  was  kept  in  a  fur- 
nace-heat, until  he  became  as  completely  burnt 
out  as  a  Dutch  family-pipe  which  has  passed 
through  three  generations  of  hard  smokers.  In 
this  manner  did  he  undergo  a  kind  of  animal 
combustion,  consuming  away  like  a  farthing  rush- 
light :  so  that  when  grim  death  finally  snuffed 
him  out,  there  was  scarce  left  enough  of  him  to 
bury! 

It  would  appear,  however,  that  these  golden  treasures  of 
the  Kaatskill  always  brought  ill  luck:  as  is  evidenced  in 
the  fate  of  Arent  Corsen  and  Wilhelinus  Kieft,  and  the  wreck 
of  the  ships  in  which  they  attempted  to  convey  the  treasure 
across  the  ocean.  The  golden  mines  have  never  since  been 
explored,  but  remain  among  the  mysteries  of  the  Kaatskill 
mountains,  and  under  the  protection  of  the  goblins  which 
haunt  them. 


BOOK    V. 

CONTAINING  THE  FIRST  PART  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER 
STUYVESANT.  AND  HIS  TROUBLES  WITH  THE  AMPfflC- 
TYONIC  COUNCIL. 


CHAPTER   I. 


1  WHICH  THE  DEATH  OF  A  GREAT  MAN  IS  SHOWN  TO  BE  NO  VERY  IN- 
CONSOLABLE MATTER  OF  SORROW  —  AND  HOW  PETER  STtTYVESANT 
ACQUIRED  A  GREAT  NAME  FROM  THE  UNCOMMON  STRENGTH  OF  HIS 


'O  a  profound  philosopher  like  myself, 
who  am  apt  to  see  clear  through  a  sub- 
ject, where  the  penetration  of  ordinary 
people  extends  but  half-way,  there  is  no  fact 
more  simple  and  manifest  than  that  the  death  of 
a  great  man  is  a  matter  of  very  little  importance. 
Much  as  we  may  think  of  ourselves,  and  much 
as  we  may  excite  the  empty  plaudits  of  the  mill- 
ion, it  is  certain  that  the  greatest  among  us  do 
actually  fill  but  an  exceeding  small  space  in  the 
world  ;  and  it  is  equally  certain,  that  even  that 
small  space  is  quickly  supplied  when  we  leave  it 
vacant.  "  Of  what  consequence  is  it,"  said  Pliny, 


302  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

"  that  individuals  appear,  or  make  their  exit  ?  the 
world  is  a  theatre  whose  scenes  and  actors  are 
continually  changing."  Never  did  philosopher 
speak  more  correctly ;  and  I  only  wonder  that  so 
wise  a  remark  could  have  existed  so  many  ages, 
and  mankind  not  have  laid  it  more  to  heart. 
Sage  follows  on  in  the  footsteps  of  sage ;  one 
hero  just  steps  out  of  his  triumphal  car,  to  make 
way  for  the  hero  who  comes  after  him  ;  and  of 
the  proudest  monarch  it  is  merely  said,  that  "  he 
slept  with  his  fathers,  and  his  successor  reigned 
in  his  stead." 

The  world,  to  tell  the  private  truth,  cares  but 
little  for  their  loss,  and  if  left  to  itself  would  soon 
forget  to  grieve ;  and  though  a  nation  has  often 
been  figuratively  drowned  in  tears  on  the  death 
of  a  great  man,  yet  it  is  ten  to  one  if  an  individ- 
ual tear  has  been  shed  on  the  occasion,  excepting 
from  the  forlorn  pen  of  some  hungry  author.  It 
is  the  historian,  the  biographer,  and  the  poet, 
who  have  the  whole  burden  of  grief  to  sustain, — 
who  —  kind  souls  !  —  like  undertakers  in  Eng- 
land, act  the  part  of  chief  mourners,  —  who  in- 
flate a  nation  with  sighs  it  never  heaved,  and 
deluge  it  with  tears  it  never  dreamt  of  shedding. 
Thus,  while  the  patriotic  author  is  weeping  and 
howling,  in  prose,  in  blank  verse,  and  in  rhyme, 
and  collecting  the  drops  of  public  sorrow  into  his 
volume,  as  into  a  lachrymal  vase,  it  is  more  than 
probable  his  fellow-citizens  are  eating  and  drink- 
ing, fiddling  and  dancing,  as  utterly  ignorant  of 
the  bitter  lamentations  made  in  their  name  as  are 
those  men  of  straw,  John  Doe  and  Richard  Roe, 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  303 

of  the  plaintiffs  for  whom  they  are  generously 
pleased  to  become  sureties. 

The  most  glorious  hero  that  ever  desolated 
nations  might  have  mouldered  into  oblivion 
among  the  rubbish  of  his  own  monument,  did  not 
some  historian  take  him  into  favor,  and  benev- 
olently transmit  his  name  to  posterity ;  and  much 
as  the  valiant  William  Kieft  worried,  and  bus- 
tled, and  turmoiled,  while  he  had  the  destinies  of 
a  whole  colony  in  his  hand,  I  question  seriously 
whether  he  will  not  be  obliged  to  this  authentic 
history  for  all  his  future  celebrity. 

His  exit  occasioned  no  convulsion  in  the  city 
of  New  Amsterdam  nor  its  vicinity  :  the  earth 
trembled  not,  neither  did  any  stars  shoot  from 
their  spheres ;  the  heavens  were  not  shrouded  in 
black,  as  poets  would  fain  persuade  us  they  have 
been,  on  the  death  of  a  hero ;  the  rocks  (hard- 
hearted varlets  !)  melted  not  into  tears,  nor  did 
the  trees  hang  their  heads  in  silent  sorrow  ;  and 
as  to  the  sun,  he  lay  abed  the  next  night  just  as 
long,  and  showed  as  jolly  a  face  when  he  rose  as 
he  ever  did  on  the  same  day  of  the  month  in  any 
year,  either  before  or  since.  The  good  people  of 
New  Amsterdam,  one  and  all,  declared  that  he 
had  been  a  very  busy,  active,  bustling  little  gov- 
ernor ;  that  he  was  "  the  father  of  his  country  " ; 
that  he  was  "  the  noblest  work  of  God  " ;  that 
"  he  was  a  man,  take  him  for  all  in  all,  they  ne'er 
should  look  upon  his  like  again  " ;  together  with 
sundry  other  civil  and  affectionate  speeches  reg- 
ularly said  on  the  death  of  all  great  men  ;  after 
which  they  smoked  their  pipes,  thought  no  more 


304  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

about  him,  and  Peter  Stuyvesant  succeeded  to 
his  station. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  was  the  last,  and,  like  the 
renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  the  best  of  our 
ancient  Dutch  governors.  Wouter  having  sur- 
passed all  who  preceded  him,  and  Peter,  or  Piet, 
as  he  was  sociably  called  by  the  old  Dutch  burgh- 
ers, who  were  ever  prone  to  familiarize  names, 
having  never  been  equalled  "by  any  successor. 
He  was  in  fact  the  very  man  fitted  by  nature  to 
retrieve  the  desperate  fortunes  of  her  beloved 
province,  had  not  the  fates,  those  most  potent 
and  unrelenting  of  all  ancient  spinsters,  destined 
them  to  inextricable  confusion. 

To  say  merely  that  he  was  a  hero,  would  be 
doing  him  great  injustice :  he  was  in  truth  a 
combination  of  heroes  ;  for  he  was  of  a  sturdy, 
raw-boned  make,  like  Ajax  Telamon,  with  a  pair 
of  round  shoulders  that  Hercules  would  have 
given  his  hide  for  (meaning  his  lion's  hide)  when 
he  undertook  to  ease  old  Atlas  of  his  load.  He 
was,  moreover,  as  Plutarch  describes  Coriolanus, 
not  only  terrible  for  the  force  of  his  arm,  but 
likewise  of  his  voice,  which  sounded  as  though 
it  came  out  of  a  barrel ;  and,  like  the  self-same 
warrior,  he  possessed  a  sovereign  contempt  for 
the  sovereign  people,  and  an  iron  aspect,  which 
was  enough  of  itself  to  make  the  very  bowels  of 
his  adversaries  quake  with  terror  and  dismay. 
All  this  martial  excellency  of  appearance  was 
inexpressibly  heightened  by  an  accidental  advan- 
tage, with  which  I  am  surprised  that  neither 
Homer  nor  Virgil  have  graced  any  of  their 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  305 

heroes.  This  was  nothing  less  than  a  wooden 
leg,  which  was  the  only  prize  he  had  gained  in 
bravely  fighting  the  battles  of  his  country,  but  of 
which  he  was  so  proud,  that  he  was  often  heard 
to  declare  he  valued  it  more  than  all  his  other 
limbs  put  together  ;  indeed  so  highly  did  he  es- 
teem it,  that  he  had  it  gallantly  enchased  and  re- 
lieved with  silver  devices,  which  caused  it  to  be 
related  in  divers  histories  and  legends  that  he 
wore  a  silver  leg.1 

Like  that  choleric  warrior  Achilles,  he  was 
somewhat  subject  to  extempore  bursts  of  passion, 
which  were  rather  unpleasant  to  his  favorites  and 
attendants,  whose  perceptions  he  was  apt  to 
quicken,  after  the  manner  of  his  illustrious  imita- 
tor, Peter  the  Great,  by  anointing  their  shoulders 
with  his  walking-staff. 

Though  I  cannot  find  that  he  had  read  Plato, 
or  Aristotle,  or  Hobbes,  or  Bacon,  or  Algernon 
Sydney,  or  Tom  Paine,  yet  did  he  sometimes 
manifest  a  shrewdness  and  sagacity  in  his  meas- 
ures, that  one  would  hardly  expect  from  a  man 
Avho  did  not  know  Greek,  and  had  never  studied 
the  ancients.  True  it  is,  and  I  confess  it  with 
sorrow,  that  he  had  an  unreasonable  aversion  to 
experiments,  and  was  fond  of  governing  his  prov- 
ince after  the  simplest  manner ;  but  then  he  con- 
trived to  keep  it  in  better  order  than  did  the  eru- 
dite Kieft,  though  he  had  all  the  philosophers, 
ancient  and  modern,  to  assist  and  perplex  him. 
I  must  likewise  own  that  he  made  but  very  few 
laws ;  but  then,  again,  he  took  care  that  those 

1  See  the  histories  of  Masters  Josselvn  and  Blome. 
20 


306  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

few  were  rigidly  and  impartially  enforced ;  and  I 
do  not  know  but  justice,  on  the  whole,  was  as 
well  administered  as  if  there  had  been  volumes 
of  sage  acts  and  statutes  yearly  made,  and  daily 
neglected  and  forgotten. 

He  was,  in  fact,  the  very  reverse  of  his  pred- 
ecessors, being  neither  tranquil  and  inert,  like 
Walter  the  Doubter,  nor  restless  and  fidgeting, 
like  William  the  Testy,  —  but  a  man,  or  rather  a 
governor,  of  such  uncommon  activity  and  decis- 
ion of  mind,  that  he  never  sought  nor  accepted 
the  advice  of  others,  —  depending  bravely  upon 
his  single  head,  as  would  a  hero  of  yore  upon  his 
single  arm,  to  carry  him  through  all  difficulties 
and  dangers.  To  tell  the  simple  truth,  he  want- 
ed nothing  more  to  complete  him  as  a  statesman 
than  to  think  always  right ;  for  no  one  can  say 
but  that  he  always  acted  as  he  thought.  He 
was  never  a  man  to  flinch  when  he  found  himself 
in  a  scrape,  but  to  dash  forward  through  thick 
and  thin,  trusting,  by  hook  or  by  crook,  to  make  all 
things  straight  in  the  end.  In  a  word,  he  pos- 
sessed, in  an  eminent  degree,  that  great  quality 
in  a  statesman,  called  perseverance  by  the  polite, 
but  nicknamed  obstinacy  by  the  vulgar,  —  a  won- 
derful salve  for  official  blunders,  since  he  who 
perseveres  in  error  without  flinching  gets  the 
credit  of  boldness  and  consistency,  while  he  who 
wavers  in  seeking  to  do  what  is  right  gets  stig- 
matized as  a  trimmer.  This  much  is  certain ; 
and  it  is  a  maxim  well  worthy  the  attention  of 
all  legislators,  great  and  small,  who  stand  shak- 
ing in  the  wind,  irresolute  which  way  to  steer, 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  307 

that  a  ruler  who  follows  his  own  will  pleases 
himself,  while  he  who  seeks  to  satisfy  the  wishes 
and  whims  of  others  runs  great  risk  of  pleasing 
nobody.  There  is  nothing,  too,  like  putting  down 
one's  foot  resolutely  when  in  doubt,  and  letting 
things  take  their  course.  The  clock  that  stands 
still  points  right  twice  in  the  four-and-twenty 
hours,  while  others  may  keep  going  continually 
and  be  continually  going  wrong. 

Nor  did  this  magnanimous  quality  escape  the 
discernment  of  the  good  people  of  Nieuw  Neder- 
lands  ;  on  the  contrary,  so  much  were  they  struck 
with  the  independent  will  and  vigorous  resolu- 
tion displayed  on  all  occasions  by  their  new  gov- 
ernor, that  they  universally  called  him  Hard-Kop- 
pig  Piet,  or  Peter  the  Headstrong,  —  a  great  com- 
pliment to  the  strength  of  his  understanding. 

If,  from  all  that  I  have  said,  them  dost  not 
gather,  worthy  reader,  that  Peter  Stuyvesant 
was  a  tough,  sturdy,  valiant,  weather-beaten,  met- 
tlesome, obstinate,  leathern  -  sided,  lion-hearted, 
generous-spirited  old  governor,  either  I  have  writ- 
ten to  but  little  purpose,  or  thou  art  very  dull  at 
drawing  conclusions. 

This  most  excellent  governor  commenced  his 
administration  on  the  29th  of  May,  1647,  —  a 
remarkably  stormy  day,  distinguished  in  all  the 
almanacs  of  the  time  which  have  come  down  to 
us  by  the  name  of  Windy  Friday.  As  he  was 
very  jealous  of  his  personal  and  official  dignity, 
he  was  inaugurated  into  office  with  great  cere- 
mony, —  the  goodly  oaken  chair  of  the  renowned 
Wouter  Van  Twiller  being  carefully  preserved  for 


308  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

such  occasions,  in  like  manner  as  the  chair  and 
stone  were  reverentially  preserved  at  Schone,  in 
Scotland,  for  the  coronation  of  the  Caledonian 
monarchs. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  the  tempestu- 
ous state  of  the  elements,  together  with  its  being 
that  unlucky  day  of  the  week  termed  "  hanging- 
day,"  did  not  fail  to  excite  much  grave  specula- 
tion and  divers  very  reasonable  apprehensions 
among  the  more  ancient  and  enlightened  inhab- 
itants ;  and  several  of  the  sager  sex,  who  were 
reputed  to  be  not  a  little  skilled  in  the  mystery 
of  astrology  and  fortune-telling,  did  declare  out- 
right that  they  were  omens  of  a  disastrous  ad- 
ministration ;  —  an  event  that  came  to  be  lamenta- 
bly verified,  and  which  proves  beyond  dispute  the 
wisdom  of  attending  to  those  preternatural  inti- 
mations furnished  by  dreams  and  visions,  the  fly- 
ing of  birds,  falling  of  stones,  and  cackling  of 
geese,  on  which  the  sages  and  rulers  of  ancient 
times  placed  such  reliance ;  or  to  those  shooting 
of  stars,  eclipses  of  the  moon,  howlings  of  dogs, 
and  flarings  of  candles,  carefully  noted  and  inter- 
preted by  the  oracular  sibyls  of  our  day,  —  who,  in 
my  humble  opinion,  are  the  legitimate  inheritors 
and  preservers  of  the  ancient  science  of  divina- 
tion. This  much  is  certain,  that 'Governor  Stuy- 
vesant  succeeded  to  the  chair  of  state  at  a  turbu- 
lent period :  when  foes  thronged  and  threatened 
from  without ;  when  anarchy  and  stiff-  necked 
opposition  reigned  rampant  within;  when  the 
authority  of  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords 
States  General,  though  supported  by  economy 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  309 

and  defended  by  speeches,  protests,  and  procla- 
mations, yet  tottered  to  its  very  centre  ;  and  when 
the  great  city  of  New  Amsterdam,  though  forti- 
fied by  flag -staffs,  trumpeters,  and  wind -mills, 
seemed,  like  some  fair  lady  of  easy  virtue,  to  lie 
open  to  attack,  and  ready  to  yield  to  the  first 
invader. 


310  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER  n. 

SHOWING  HOW  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  BESTIRRED  HIMSELF  AMONG 
THE  BATS  AND  COBWEBS  ON  ENTERING  INTO  OFFICE — HIS  INTERVIEW 
WITH  ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETEK,  AND  HIS  PERILOUS  MEDDLING  WITH 
THE  CURRENCY. 

'HE  very  first  movements  of  the  great 
Peter,  on  taking  the  reins  of  govern- 
ment, displayed  his  magnanimity,  though 
they  occasioned  not  a  little  marvel  and  uneasiness 
among  the  people  of  the  Manhattoes.  Finding 
himself  constantly  interrupted  by  the  opposition, 
and  annoyed  by  the  advice  of  his  privy  council, 
the  members  of  which  had  acquired  the  unrea- 
sonable habit  of  thinking  and  speaking  for  them- 
selves during  the  preceding  reign,  he  determined 
at  once  to  put  a  stop  to  such  grievous  abomina- 
tions. Scarcely,  therefore,  had  he  entered  upon 
his  authority,  than  he  turned  out  of  office  all 
the  meddlesome  spirits  of  the  factious  cabinet  of 
William  the  Testy ;  in  place  of  whom  he  chose 
unto  himself  counsellors  from  those  fat,  somnif- 
erous, respectable  burghers  who  had  flourished 
and  slumbered  under  the  easy  reign  of  Walter 
the  Doubter.  All  these  he  caused  to  be  fur- 
nished with  abundance  of  fair  long  pipes,  and 
to  be  regaled  with  frequent  corporation  dinners, 
admonishing  them  to  smoke,  and  eat,  and  sleep 
for  the  good  of  the  nation,  while  he  took  the 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  311 

burden  of  government  upon  his  own  shoulders, — 
an  arrangement  to  which  they  all  gave  hearty 
acquiescence. 

Nor  did  he  stop  here,  but  made  a  hideous  rout 
among  the  inventions  and  expedients  of  his 
learned  predecessor,  —  rooting  up  his  patent  gal- 
lows, where  caitiff'  vagabonds  were  suspended  by 
the  waistband,  —  demolishing  his  flag-staffs  and 
wind -mills,  which,  like  mighty  giants,  guarded 
the  ramparts  of  New  Amsterdam,  —  pitching  to 
the  duyvel  whole  batteries  of  quaker  guns,  — 
and,  in  a  word,  turning  topsy-turvy  the  whole 
philosophic,  economic,  and  wind -mill  system  of 
the  immortal  sage  of  Saardam. 

The  honest  folk  of  New  Amsterdam  began  to 
quake  now  for  the  fate  of  their  matchless  cham- 
pion, Antony  the  Trumpeter,  who  had  acquired 
prodigious  favor  in  the  eyes  of  the  women,  by 
means  of  his  whiskers  and  his  trumpet,  Him 
did  Peter  the  Headstrong  cause  to  be  brought 
into  his  presence,  and  eying  him  for  a  moment 
from  head  to  foot,  with  a  countenance  that  would 
have  appalled  anything  else  than  a  sounder  of 
brass,  — "  Pr'ythee,  who  and  what  art  thou  ?  " 
said  he.  "  Sire,"  replied  the  other,  in  no  wise 
dismayed,  "  for  my  name,  it  is  Antony  Van  Cor- 
lear ;  for  my  parentage,  I  am  the  son  of  my 
mother ;  for  my  profession,  I  am  champion  and 
garrison  of  this  great  city  of  New  Amsterdam." 
"  I  doubt  me  much,"  said  Peter  Stuyvesant,  "  that 
thou  art  some  scurvy  costard  -  monger  knave. 
How  didst  thou  acquire  this  paramount  honor 
and  dignity?"  "Marry,  sir,"  replied  the  other, 


312  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

"  like  many  a  great  man  before  me,  simply  by 
sounding  my  own  trumpet."  "  Ay,  is  it  so  ?  "  quoth 
the  governor ;  "  why,  then  let  us  have  a  relish 
of  thy  art."  Whereupon  the  good  Antony  put 
his  instrument  to  his  lips,  and  sounded  a  charge 
with  such  a  tremendous  outset,  such  a  delectable 
quaver,  and  such  a  triumphant  cadence,  that  it 
was  enough  to  make  one's  heart  leap  out  of  one's 
mouth  only  to  be  within  a  mile  of  it.  Like  as 
a  war-worn  charger,  grazing  in  peaceful  plains, 
starts  at  a  strain  of  martial  music,  pricks  up  his 
ears,  and  snorts,  and  paws,  and  kindles  at  the 
noise,  so  did  the  heroic  Peter  joy  to  hear  the 
clangor  of  the  trumpet ;  for  of  him  might  truly 
be  said,  what  was  recorded  of  the  renowned  St. 
George  of  England,  "  there  was  nothing  in  all 
the  world  that  more  rejoiced  his  heart  than  to 
hear  the  pleasant  sound  of  war,  and  see  the 
soldiers  brandish  forth  their  steeled  weapons." 
Casting  his  eye  more  kindly,  therefore,  upon 
the  sturdy  Van  Corlear,  and  finding  him  to  be 
a  jovial  varlet,  shrewd  in  his  discourse,  yet 
of  great  discretion  and  immeasurable  wind,  he 
straightway  conceived  a  vast  kindness  for  him, 
and  discharging  him  from  the  troublesome  duty 
of  garrisoning,  defending,  and  alarming  the  city, 
ever  after  retained  him  about  his  person,  as  his 
chief  favorite,  confidential  envoy,  and  trusty 
squire.  Instead  of  disturbing  the  city  with  dis- 
astrous notes,  he  was  instructed  to  play  so  as  to 
delight  the  governor  while  at  his  repasts,  as  did 
the  minstrels  of  yore  in  the  days  of  glorious 
chivalry,  —  and  on  all  public  occasions  to  rejoice 


HISTORY   OF  NEW    YORK.  313 

the  ears  of  the  people  with  warlike  melody,  — 
thereby  keeping  alive  a  noble  and  martial  spirit. 

But  the  measure  of  the  valiant  Peter  which 
produced  the  greatest  agitation  in  the  community, 
was  his  laying  his  hand  upon  the  currency.  lie 
had  old-fashioned  notions  in  favor  of  gold  and 
silver,  which  he  considered  the  true  standards 
of  wealth  and  mediums  of  commerce  ;  and  one 
of  his  first  edicts  was,  that  all  duties  to  govern- 
ment should  be  paid  in  those  precious  metals, 
and  that  seawant,  or  wampum,  should  no  longer 
be  a  legal  tender. 

Here  was  a  blow  at  public  prosperity !  All 
those  who  speculated  on  the  rise  and  fall  of  this 
fluctuating  currency,  found  their  calling  at  an 
end ;  those,  too,  who  had  hoarded  Indian  money 
by  barrels  full,  found  their  capital  shrunk  in 
amount ;  but,  above  all,  the  Yankee  traders,  who 
were  accustomed  to  flood  the  market  with  newly 
coined  oyster-shells,  and  to  abstract  Dutch  mer- 
chandise in  exchange,  were  loud-mouthed  in  de- 
crying this  "  tampering  with  the  currency."  It 
was  clipping  the  wings  -of  commerce  ;  it  was 
checking  the  development  of  public  prosperity ; 
trade  would  be  at  an  end  ;  goods  would  moulder 
on  the  shelves ;  grain  would  rot  in  the  granaries ; 
grass  would  grow  in  the  market-place.  In  a 
word,  no  one  who  has  not  heard  the  outcries  and 
howlings  of  a  modern  Tarshish,  at  any  check 
upon  "  paper-money,"  can  have  any  idea  of  the 
clamor  against  Peter  the  Headstrong,  for  check- 
ing the  circulation  of  oyster-shells. 

In  fact,  trade  did  shrink  into  narrower  chan- 


314  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

nels ;  but  then  the  stream  was  deep  as  it  was 
broad;  the  honest  Dutchmen  sold  less  good*; 
but  then  they  got  the  worth  of  them,  either  in 
silver  and  gold,  or  in  codfish,  tin  ware,  apple- 
brandy, Weathersfield  onions,  wooden  bowls,  and 
other  articles  of  Yankee  barter.  The  ingenious 
people  of  the  east,  however,  indemnified  them- 
selves another  way  for  having  to  abandon  the 
coinage  of  oyster-shells ;  for  about  this  time  we 
are  told  that  wooden  nutmegs  made  their  first 
appearance  in  New  Amsterdam,  to  the  great  an- 
noyance of  the  Dutch  housewives. 

NOTE. 

From  a  manuscript  record  of  the  province  ;  Lib.  N.  Y.  Higt. 
Society.  —  We  have  been  unable  to  render  your  inhabitants 
wiser  and  prevent  their  being  further  imposed  upon  than  to 
declare  absolutely  and  peremptorily  that  henceforward  sea- 
want  shall  be  bullion,  —  not  longer  admissible  in  trade,  with- 
out any  value,  as  it  is  indeed.  So  that  even'  one  may  be  upon 
his  guard  to  barter  no  longer  away  his  wares  and  merchandises 
for  these  bubbles,  —  at  least  not  to"  accept  them  at  a  higher  rate, 
or  in  a  larger  quantity,  than  as  they  may  want  them  in  their 
trade  with  the  savages. 

In  this  way  your  English  [  Yankee]  neighbors  shall  no  longer 
be  enabled  "to  draw  the  best  wares  and  merchandises  from 
our  country  for  nothing,  —  the  beavers  and  furs  not  excepted. 
This  has  indeed  long  since  been  insufferable,  although  it 
ought  chiefly  to  be  imputed  to  the  imprudent  penuriousness 
of  our  own  merchants  and  inhabitants,  who,  it  is  to  be  hoped, 
shall  through  the  abolition  of  this  seawant  become  wiser  and 
more  prudent. 

27th  January,  1662. 

Seawant  falls  into  disrepute ;  duties  to  be  paid  in  silver  coin. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  315 


CHAPTER   in. 

HOW  THE  YANKEE   LEAGUE   WAXED   MORE   AND   MORE   POTENT  ;    AND   HOW 
IT    OUTWITTED   THE   GOOD   PETER  IN   TREATY-MAKING. 

jOW  it  came  to  pass,  that,  while  Peter 
Stuyvesant  was  busy  regulating  the  in- 
ternal affairs  of  his  domain,  the  great 
Yankee  league,  which  had  caused  such  tribula- 
tion to  William  the  Testy,  continued  to  increase 
in  extent  and  power.  The  grand  Amphictyonic 
council  of  the  league  was  held  at  Boston,  where 
it  spun  a  web,  which  threatened  to  link  within  it 
all  the  mighty  principalities  and  powers  of  the 
east.  The  object  proposed  by  this  formidable 
combination  was,  mutual  protection  and  defence 
against  their  savage  neighbors ;  but  all  the  world 
knows  the  real  aim  was  to  form  a  grand  crusade 
against  the  Nieuw  Nederlands,  and  to  get  posses- 
sion of  the  city  of  the  Manhattoes,  —  as  devout 
an  object  of  enterprise  and  ambition  to  the  Yan- 
kees as  was  ever  the  capture  of  Jerusalem  to 
ancient  crusaders. 

In  the  very  year  following  the  inauguration 
of  Governor  Stuyvseant,  a  grand  deputation  de- 
parted from  the  city  of  Providence  (famous  for 
its  dusty  streets  and  beauteous  women)  in  behalf 
of  the  plantation  of  Rhode  Island,  praying  to  be 
admitted  into  the  league. 


316  HIST  OUT  OF  NEW   YORK. 

The  following  minute  of  this  deputation  ap- 
pears in  the  ancient  records  of  the  council.1 

"  Mr.  Will.  Cottington  and  Captain  Partridg  of 
Rhoode  Island  presented  this  insewing  request  to 
the  commissioners  in  wrighting  — 

"  Our  request  and  motion  is  in  behalfe  of 
Rhoode  Hand,  that  wee  the  Danders  of  Roode- 
Iland  may  be  rescauied  into  combination  with  all 
the  united  colonyes  of  New  England  in  a  firme 
and  perpetual  league  of  friendship  and  amity  of 
ofence  and  defence,  mutuall  advice  and  succor 
upon  all  just  occasions  for  our  mutuall  safety  and 
wellfaire,  etc.  WILL  COTTINGTON, 

"  ALICXSANDER  PARTRIDG." 

There  was  certainly  something  in  the  very 
physiognomy  of  this  document  that  might  well 
inspire  apprehension.  The  name  of  Alexander, 
however  misspelt,  has  been  warlike  in  every  age  ; 
and  though  its  fierceness  is  in  some  measure 
softened  by  being  coupled  with  the  gentle  cogno- 
men of  Partridge,  still,  like  the  color  of  scarlet, 
it  bears  an  exceeding  great  resemblance  to  the 
sound  of  a  trumpet.  From  the  style  of  the  let- 
ter, moreover,  and  the  soldier-like  ignorance  of 
orthography  displayed  by  the  noble  Captain  Al- 
icxsander  Partridg  in  spelling  his  own  name,  we 
may  picture  to  ourselves  this  mighty  man  of 
Rhodes,  strong  in  arms,  potent  in  the  field,  and 
as  great  a  scholar  as  though  he  had  been  edu- 
cated among  that  learned  people  of  Thrace,  who, 
Aristotle  assures  us,  could  not  count  beyond  the 
number  four. 

i  Haz.  Col.  Stat.  Pap. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  317 

The  result  of  this  great  Yankee  league  was 
augmented  audacity  on  the  part  of  the  moss- 
troopers of  Connecticut,  —  pushing  their  en- 
croachments farther  and  farther  into  the  territo- 
ries of  their  High  Mightinesses,  so  that  even  the 
inhabitants  of  New  Amsterdam  began  to  draw 
short  breath  and  to  find  themselves  exceedingly 
cramped  for  elbow-room. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  was  not  a  man  to  submit 
quietly  to  such  intrusions ;  his  first  impulse  was 
to  march  at  once  to  the  frontier  and  kick  these 
squatting  Yankees  out  of  the  country ;  but,  be- 
thinking himself  in  time  that  he  was  now  a  gov- 
ernor and  legislator,  the  policy  of  the  states- 
man for  once  cooled  the  fire  of  the  old  soldier, 
and  he  determined  to  try  his  hand  at  negotia- 
tion. A  correspondence  accordingly  ensued  be- 
tween him  and  the  grand  council  of  the  league ; 
and  it  was  agreed  that  commissioners  from  either 
side  should  meet  at  Hartford,  to  settle  bounda- 
ries, adjust  grievances,  and  establish  a  "  perpetual 
and  happy  peace." 

The  commissioners  on  the  part  of  the  Man- 
hattoes  were  chosen,  according  to  immemorial 
usage  of  that  venerable  metropolis,  from  among 
the  "  wisest  and  weightiest "  men  of  the  commu- 
nity, that  is  to  say,  men  with  the  oldest  heads 
and  heaviest  pockets.  Among  these  sages  the 
veteran  navigator,  Hans  Reinier  Oothout,  who 
had  made  such  extensive  discoveries  during  the 
time  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  was  looked  up  to  as 
an  oracle  in  all  matters  of  the  kind ;  and  he  was" 
ready  to  produce  the  very  spy-glass  with  which 


318  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

he  first  spied  the  mouth  of  the  Connecticut  river 
from  his  mast-head ;  and  all  the  world  knows  the 
discovery  of  the  mouth  of  a  river  gives  prior 
right  to  all  the  lands  drained  by  its  waters. 

It  was  with  feelings  of  pride  and  exultation 
that  the  good  people  of  the  Manhattoes  saw  two 
of  the  richest  and  most  ponderous  burghers  de- 
parting on  this  embassy,  —  men  whose  word  on 
'change  was  oracular,  and  in  whose  presence  no 
poor  man  ventured  to  appear  without  taking  off 
his  hat :  when  it  was  seen,  too,  that  the  veteran 
Reinier  Oothout  accompanied  them  with  his  spy- 
glass under  his  arm,  all  the  old  men  and  old 
women  predicted  that  men  of  such  weight,  with 
such  evidence,  would  leave  the  Yankees  no  alter- 
native but  to  pack  up  their  tin  kettles  and 
wooden  wares,  put  wife  and  children  in  a  cart, 
and  abandon  all  the  lands  of  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses, on  which  they  had  squatted. 

In  truth,  the  commissioners  sent  to  Hartford 
by  the  league  seemed  in  no  wise  calculated  to 
compete  with  men  of  such  capacity.  They  were 
two  lean  Yankee  lawyers,  litigious-looking  var- 
lets,  and  evidently  men  of  no  substance,  since 
they  had  no  rotundity  in  the  belt,  and  there  was 
no  jingling  of  money  in  their  pockets  ;  it  is  true, 
they  had  longer  heads  than  the  Dutchmen ;  but 
if  the  heads  of  the  latter  were  flat  at  top,  they 
were  broad  at  bottom,  and  what  was  wanting  in 
height  of  forehead  was  made  up  by  a  double 
chin. 

The  negotiation  turned  as  usual  upon  the  good 
old  corner-stone  of  original  discovery,  —  accord- 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  319 

ing  to  the  principle  that  he  who  first  sees  a  new 
country  has  an  unquestionable  right  to  it.  This 
being  admitted,  the  veteran  Oothout,  at  a  con- 
certed signal,  stepped  forth  in  the  assembly  with 
the  identical  tarpauling  spy-glass  in  his  hand, 
with  which  he  had  discovered  the  mouth  of  the 
Connecticut,  while  the  worthy  Dutch  commis- 
sioners lolled  back  in  their  chairs,  secretly  chuck- 
ling at  the  idea  of  having  for  once  got  the 
weather-gage  of  the  Yankees  ;  but  what  was 
their  dismay  when  the  latter  produced  a  Nan- 
tucket  whaler  with  a  spy -glass  twice  as  long, 
with  which  he  discovered  the  whole  coast,  quite 
down  to  the  Manhattoes,  and  so  crooked,  that  he 
had  spied  with  it  up  the  whole  course  of  the 
Connecticut  river.  This  principle  pushed  home, 
therefore,  the  Yankees  had  a  right  to  the  whole 
country  bordering  on  the  Sound  ;  nay,  the  city 
of  New  Amsterdam  was  a  mere  Dutch  squatting- 
place  on  their  territories. 

I  forbear  to  dwell  upon  the  confusion  of  the 
worthy  Dutch  commissioners  at  finding  their 
main  pillar  of  proof  thus  knocked  from  under 
them ;  neither  will  I  pretend  to  describe  the  con- 
sternation of  the  wise  men  at  the  Manhattoes 
when  they  learned  how  their  commissioner  had 
been  out-trumped  by  the  Yankees,  and  how  the 
latter  pretended  to  claim  to  the  very  gates  of 
New  Amsterdam. 

Long  was  the  negotiation  protracted,  and  long 
was  the  public  rnind  kept  in  a  state  of  anxiety. 
There  are  two  modes  of  settling  boundary  ques- 
tions when  the  claims  of  the  opposite  are  irrecon- 


320  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

cilable.  One  is  by  an  appeal  to  arms,  in  which 
case  the  weakest  party  is  apt  to  lose  its  right, 
and  get  a  broken  head  into  the  bargain ;  the 
other  mode  is  by  compromise,  or  mutual  conces- 
sion, —  that  is  to  say,  one  party  cedes  half  of  its 
claims,  and  the  other  party  half  of  its  rights  ;  he 
who  grasps  most  gets  most,  and  the  whole  is  pro- 
nounced an  equitable  division, "  perfectly  honor- 
able to  both  parties." 

The  latter  mode  was  adopted  in  the  present 
instance.  The  Yankees  gave  up  claims  to  vast 
tracts  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlands  which  they  had 
never  seen,  and  all  right  to  the  land  of  Manna- 
hata  and  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam,  to  which 
they  had  no  right  at  all ;  while  the  Dutch,  in 
return,  agreed  that  the  Yankees  should  retain 
possession  of  the  frontier  places  where  they  had 
squatted,  and  of  both  sides  of  the  Connecticut 
river. 

When  the  news  of  this  treaty  arrived  at  New 
Amsterdam,  the  whole  city  was  in  an  uproar  of 
exultation.  The  old  women  rejoiced  that  there 
was  to  be  110  war,  the  old  men  that  their  cabbage- 
gardens  were  safe  from  invasion ;  while  the  politi- 
cal sages  pronounced  the  treaty  a  great  triumph 
over  the  Yankees,  considering  how  much  they  had 
claimed,  and  how  little  they  had  been  "  fobbed 
off  with." 

And  now  my  worthy  reader  is,  doubtless,  like 
the  great  and  good  Peter,  congratulating  himself 
with  the  idea  that  his  feelings  will  no  longer  be 
harassed  by  afflicting  details  of  stolen  horses, 
broken  heads,  impounded  hogs,  and  all  the  other 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  321 

catalogue  of  heart-rending  cruelties  that  disgraced 
these  border  wars.  But  if  he  should  indulge  in 
such  expectations,  it  is  a  proof  that  he  is  but 
little  versed  in  the  paradoxical  ways  of  cabinets  ; 
to  convince  him  of  which,  I  solicit  his  serious 
attention  to  my  next  chapter,  wherein  I  Avill 
show  that  Peter  Stuyvesant  has  already  com- 
mitted a  great  error  in  politics,  and,  by  effecting 
a  peace,  has  materially  hazarded  the  tranquillity 
of  the  province. 


322  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTEK  IV. 


T  was  the  opinion  of  that  poetical  phi- 
losopher, Lucretius,  that  war  was  the 
original  state  of  man,  whom  he  de- 
scribed as  being  primitively  a  savage  beast  of 
prey,  engaged  in  a  constant  state  of  hostility 
with  his  own  species,  and  that  this  ferocious  spirit 
was  tamed  and  ameliorated  by  society.  The 
same  opinion  has  been  advocated  by  Hobbes,1  nor 
have  there  been  wanting  many  other  philosophers 
to  admit  and  defend. 

For  my  part,  though  prodigiously  fond  of 
these  valuable  speculations,  so  complimentary  to 
human  nature,  yet,  in  this  instance,  I  am  inclined 
to  take  the  proposition  by  halves,  believing  with 
Horace,2  that,  though  war  may  have  been  origi- 
nally the  favorite  amusement  and  industrious 
employment  of  our  progenitors,  yet,  like  many 
other  excellent  habits,  so  far  from  being  amel- 
iorated, it  has  been  cultivated  and  confirmed  by 

1  Hobbes's  Leviathan.    Part  i.  ch.  13. 

2  Quum  prorepserunt  primis  animalia  terris, 

Mutuum  ac  turpe  pecus,  glandera  atque  cubilia  propter, 
Unguibus  etpugnis,  dein  fustibus,  atque  ita  porro 
Pugnabant  aimis,  quae  post  fabricaverat  usus. 

HOR.  Sat.  L.  i.  S.  3. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  323 

refinement  and  civilization,  and  increases  in  exact 
proportion  as  we  approach  towards  that  state  of 
perfection  which  is  the  ne  plus  ultra  of  modem 
philosophy. 

The  first  conflict  between  man  and  man  was 
the  mere  exertion  of  physical  force,  unaided  by 
auxiliary  weapons ;  his  arm  was  his  buckler, 
his  fist  was  his  mace,  and  a  broken  head  the 
catastrophe  of  his  encounters.  The  battle  of 
unassisted  strength  was  succeeded  by  the  more 
rugged  one  of  stones  and  clubs,  and  war  assumed 
a  sanguinary  aspect.  As  man  advanced  in  refine- 
ment, as  his  faculties  expanded,  and  as  his  sensi- 
bilities became  more  exquisite,  he  grew  rapidly 
more  ingenious  and  experienced  in  the  art  of 
murdering  his  fellow -beings.  lie  invented  a 
thousand  devices  to  defend  and  to  assault :  the 
helmet,  the  cuirass,  and  the  buckler,  the  sword, 
the  dart,  and  the  javelin,  prepared  him  to  elude 
the  wound  as  well  as  to  launch  the  blow.  Still 
urging  on,  in  the  career  of  philanthropic  inven- 
tion, he  enlarges  and  heightens  his  powers  of 
defence  and  injury :  —  The  Aries,  the  Scorpio, 
the  Balista,  and  the  Catapulta,  give  a  horror  and 
sublimity  to  war,  and  magnify  its  glory,  by  in- 
creasing its  desolation.  Still  insatiable,  though 
armed  with  machinery  that  seemed  to  reach  the 
limits  of  destructive  invention,  and  to  yield  a 
power  of  injury  commensurate  even  with  the 
desires  of  revenge,  —  still  deeper  researches  must 
be  made  in  the  diabolical  arcana.  With  furi- 
ous zeal  he  dives  into  the  bowels  of  the  earth ; 
he  toils  midst  poisonous  minerals  and  deadly  salts, 


324  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

—  the  sublime  discovery  of  gunpowder  blazes 
upon  the  world  —  and  finally  the  dreadful  art 
of  fighting  by  proclamation  seems  to  endow  the 
demon  of  war  with  ubiquity  and  omnipotence ! 

This,  indeed,  is  grand !  —  this,  indeed,  marks 
the  powers  of  mind,  and  bespeaks  that  divine  en- 
dowment of  reason,  which  distinguishes  us  from 
the  animals,  our  inferiors.  The  unenlightened 
brutes  content  themselves  with  the  native  force 
which  Providence  has  assigned  them.  The  an- 
gry bull  butts  with  his  horns,  as  did  his  pro- 
genitors before  him  ;  the  lion,  the  leopard,  and 
the  tiger  seek  only  with  their  talons  and  then- 
fangs  to  gratify  then*  sanguinary  fury ;  and  even 
the  subtle  serpent  darts  the  same  venom,  and  uses 
the  same  wiles,  as  did  his  sire  before  the  flood. 
Man  alone,  blessed  with  the  inventive  mind,  goes 
on  from  discovery  to  discovery,  —  enlarges  and 
multiplies  his  powers  of  destruction,  —  arrogates 
the  tremendous  weapons  of  Deity  itself,  and  tasks 
creation  to  assist  him  in  murdering  his  brother- 
worm  ! 

In  proportion  as  the  art  of  war  has  increased 
in  improvement  has  the  art  of  preserving  peace 
advanced  in  equal  ratio  ;  and  as  we  have  discov- 
ered, in  this  age  of  wonders  and  inventions,  that 
proclamation  is  the  most  formidable  engine  in 
war,  so  have  we  discovered  the  no  less  ingenious 
mode  of  maintaining  peace  by  perpetual  negotia- 
tions. 

A  treaty,  or,  to  speak  more  correctly,  a  nego- 
tiation, therefore,  according  to  the  acceptation  of 
experienced  statesmen,  learned  in  these  matters, 


HISTORY   OF  NEW    YORK.  325 

is  no  longer  an  attempt  to  accommodate  differ- 
ences, to  ascertain  rights,  and  to  establish  an  equi- 
table exchange  of  kind  offices,  but  a  contest  of 
skill  between  two  powers,  which  shall  overreach 
and  take  in  the  other.  It  is  a  cunning  endeavor 
to  obtain  by  peaceful  manoeuvre,  and  the  clii- 
caneiy  of  cabinets,  those  advantages  which  a 
nation  would  otherwise  have  wrested  by  force 
of  arms,  —  in  the  same  manner  as  a  conscien- 
tious highwayman  reforms  and  becomes  a  quiet 
and  praiseworthy  citizen,  contenting  himself  with 
cheating  his  neighbor  out  of  that  property  he 
would  formerly  have  seized  with  open  violence. 

In  fact,  the  only  time  when  two  nations  can  be 
said  to  be  in  a  state  of  perfect  amity  is,  when  a 
negotiation  is  open,  and  a  treaty  pending.  Then, 
when  there  are  no  stipulations  entered  into,  no 
bonds  to  restrain  the  will,  no  specific  limits  to 
awaken  the  captious  jealousy  of  right  implanted 
in  our  nature,  when  each  party  has  some  advan- 
tage to  hope  and  expect  from  the  other,  then  it 
is  that  the  two  nations  are  wonderfully  gracious 
and  friendly, —  their  ministers  professing  the  high- 
est mutual  regard,  exchanging  billets-doux,  mak- 
ing fine  speeches,  and  indulging  in  all  those  little 
diplomatic  flirtations,  coquetries,  and  fondlings, 
that  do  so  marvellously  tickle  the  good-humor  of 
the  respective  nations.  Thus  it  may  paradoxi- 
cally be  said,  that  there  is  never  so  good  an 
understanding  between  two  nations  as  when  there 
is  a  little  misunderstanding,  —  and  that  so  long 
as  they  are  on  no  terms  at  all,  they  are  on  the 
best  terms  in  the  world  ! 


326  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

I  do  not  by  any  means  pretend  to  claim  the 
merit  of  having  made  the  above  discovery.  It 
has,  in  fact,  long  been  secretly  acted  upon  by 
certain  enlightened  cabinets,  and  is,  together 
with  divers  other  notable  theories,  privately 
copied  out  of  the  commonplace  book  of  an  illus- 
trious gentleman,  who  has  been  member  of  con- 
gress, and  enjoyed  the  unlimited  confidence  of 
heads  of  departments.  To  this  principle  may  be 
ascribed  the  wonderful  ingenuity  shown  of  late 
years  in  protracting  and  interrupting  negotiations. 
Hence  the  cunning  measure  of  appointing  as  am- 
bassador some  political  pettifogger  skilled  in  de- 
lays, sophisms,  and  misapprehensions,  and  dex- 
terous in  the  art  of  baffling  argument,  —  or  some 
blundering  statesman,  whose  errors  and  miscon- 
structions may  be  a  plea  for  refusing  to  ratify  his 
engagements.  And  hence,  too,  that  most  notable 
expedient,  so  popular  with  our  government,  of 
sending  out  a  brace  of  ambassadors,  —  between 
whom,  having  each  an  individual  will  to  consult, 
character  to  establish,  and  interest  to  promote, 
you  may  as  well  look  for  unanimity  and  concord 
as  between  two  lovers  with  one  mistress,  two 
dogs  with  one  bone,  or  two  naked  rogues  with 
one  pair  of  breeches.  This  disagreement,  there- 
fore, is  continually  breeding  delays  and  impedi- 
ments, in  consequence  of  which  the  negotiation 
goes  on  swimmingly  —  inasmuch  as  there  is  no 
prospect  of  its  ever  coming  to  a  close.  Nothing 
is  lost  by  these  delays  and  obstacles  but  time ; 
and  in  a  negotiation,  according  to  the  theory  I 
have  exposed,  all  time  lost  is  in  reality  so  much 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  327 

time  gained  :  —  with  what  delightful  paradoxes 
does  modern  political  economy  abound ! 

Now  all  that  I  have  here  advanced  is  so  noto- 
riously true,  that  I  almost  blush  to  take  up  the 
time  of  my  readers  with  treating  of  matters 
which  must  many  a  time  have  stared  them  in 
the  face.  But  the  proposition  to  which  I  would 
most  earnestly  call  their  attention  is  this,  that, 
though  a  negotiation  be  the  most  harmonizing  of 
all  national  transactions,  yet  a  treaty  of  peace  is 
a  great  political  evil,  and  one  of  the  most  fruitful 
sources  of  war. 

I  have  rarely  seen  an  instance  of  any  special 
contract  between  individuals  that  did  not  pro- 
duce jealousies,  bickerings,  and  often  downright 
ruptures  between  them ;  nor  did  I  ever  know  of 
a  treaty  between  two  nations  that  did  not  occa- 
sion continual  misunderstandings.  How  many 
worthy  country  neighbors  have  I  known,  who, 
after  living  in  peace  and  good-fellowship  for  years, 
have  been  thrown  into  a  state  of  distrust,  cavil- 
ling, and  animosity,  by  some  ill-starred  agreement 
about  fences,  runs  of  water,  and  stray  cattle ! 
And  how  many  well-meaning  nations,  who  would 
otherwise  have  remained  in  the  most  amicable 
disposition  towards  each  other,  have  been  brought 
to  swords'  points  about  the  infringement  or  mis- 
construction of  some  treaty,  which  in  an  evil 
hour  they  had  concluded,  by  way  of  making 
their  amity  more  sure ! 

Treaties  at  best  are  but  complied  with  so  long 
as  interest  requires  their  fulfilment ;  consequently 
they  ai-e  virtually  binding  on  the  weaker  party 


328  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

only,  or,  in  plain  truth,  they  are  not  binding  at 
all.  JSTo  nation  will  wantonly  go  to  war  with 
another  if  it  has  nothing  to  gain  thereby,  and 
therefore  needs  no  treaty  to  restrain  it  from  vio- 
lence ;  and  if  it  have  anything  to  gain,  I  much 
question,  from  what  I  have  witnessed  of  the 
righteous  conduct  of  nations,  whether  any  treaty 
could  be  made  so  strong  that  it  could  not  thrust 
the  sword  through,  —  nay,  I  would  hold  ten  to 
one,  the  treaty  itself  would  be  the  very  source  to 
which  resort  would  be  had  to  find  a  pretext 
for  hostilities. 

Thus,  therefore,  I  conclude,  —  that,  though  it 
is  the  best  of  all  policies  for  a  nation  to  keep  up 
a  constant  negotiation  with  its  neighbors,  yet  it 
is  the  summit  of  folly  for  it  ever  to  be  beguiled 
into  a  treaty  ;  for  then  comes  on  non-fulfilment 
and  infraction,  then  remonstrance,  then  altercation, 
then  retaliation,  then  recrimination,  and  finally 
open  war.  In  a  word,  negotiation  is  like  court- 
ship, a  time  of  sweet  words,  gallant  speeches,  soft 
looks,  and  endearing  caresses,  —  but  the  marriage 
ceremony  is  the  signal  for  hostilities. 

If  my  painstaking  reader  be  not  somewhat 
perplexed  by  the  ratiocination  of  the  foregoing 
passage,  he  will  perceive,  at  a  glance,  that  the 
Great  Peter,  in  concluding  a  treaty  with  his  east- 
ern neighbors,  was  guilty  of  lamentable  error  in 
policy.  In  fact,  to  this  unlucky  agreement  may  be 
traced  a  world  of  bickerings  and  heart-burnings, 
between  the  parties,  about  fancied  or  pretended 
infringements  of  treaty-stipulations  ;  in  all  which 
the  Yankees  were  prone  to  indemnify  themselves 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  329 

by  a  "  dig  into  the  sides "  of  the  New  Nether- 
lands. But,  in  sooth,  these  border  feuds,  albeit 
they  gave  great  annoyance  to  the  good  burghers 
of  Maima-hata,  were  so  pitiful  in  their  nature, 
that  a  grave  historian  like  myself,  who  grudges  the 
time  spent  in  anything  less  than  the  revolutions 
of  states  and  fall  of  empires,  would  deem  them 
unworthy  of  being  inscribed  on  his  page.  The 
reader  is,  therefore,  to  take  it  for  granted,  though 
I  scorn  to  waste,  in  the  detail,  that  time  which 
my  furrowed  brow  and  trembling  hand  inform 
me  is  invaluable,  that  all  the  while  the  Great 
Peter  was  occupied  in  those  tremendous  and 
bloody  contests  which  I  shall  shortly  rehearse ; 
there  was  a  continued  series  of  little,  dirty,  sniv- 
elling scourings,  broils,  and  maraudings,  kept  up 
on  the  eastern  frontiers  by  the  moss-troopers  of 
Connecticut.  But,  like  that  mirror  of  chivalry, 
the  sage  and  valorous  Don  Quixote,  I  leave 
these  petty  contests  for  some  future  Sancho  Pan- 
za  of  an  historian,  while  I  reserve  my  prowess 
and  my  pen  for  achievements  of  higher  dignity  ; 
for  at  this  moment  I  hear  a  direful  and  porten- 
tous note  issuing  from  the  bosom  of  the  great 
council  of  the  league,  and  resounding  throughout 
the  regions  of  the  east,  menacing  the  fame  and 
fortunes  of  Peter  Stuyvesant.  I  call,  therefore, 
upon  the  reader  to  leave  behind  him  all  the 
paltry  brawls  of  the  Connecticut  borders,  and  to 
press  forward  with  me  to  the  relief  of  our  favor- 
ite hero,  who,  I  foresee,  will  be  wofully  beset  by 
the  implacable  Yankees  in  the  next  chapter. 


330  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTEE    V. 


HOW  PETER  STUYVESANT  WAS  GRIEVOUSLY  BELIED  BY  THE  GREAT  COUN- 
CIL OP  THE  LEAGUE  J  AND  HOW  HE  SENT  ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER  TO 
TAKE  TO  THE  COUNCIL  A  PIECE  OP  HIS  MIND. 


'HAT  the  reader  may  be  aware  of  the 
peril  at  this  moment  menacing  Peter 
Stuyvesant  and  his  capital,  I  must  re- 
mind him  of  the  old  charge  advanced  in  the 
council  of  the  league  in  the  time  of  William  the 
Testy,  that  the  Nederlanders  were  carrying  on 
a  trade  "  damnable  and  injurious  to  the  colonists," 
in  furnishing  the  savages  with  "  guns,  powther 
and  shott."  This,  as  I  then  suggested,  was  a 
crafty  device  of  the  Yankee  confederacy  to  have 
a  snug  cause  of  war  in  petto,  in  case  any  favor- 
able opportunity  should  present  of  attempting  the 
conquest  of  the  New  Nederlands :  the  great  ob- 
ject of  Yankee  ambition. 

Accordingly  we  now  find,  when  every  other 
ground  of  complaint  had  apparently  been  re- 
moved by  treaty,  this  nefarious  charge  revived 
with  tenfold  virulence,  and  hurled  like  a  thunder- 
bolt at  the  very  head  of  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  hap- 
pily his  head,  like  that  of  the  great  bull  of  the 
Wabash,  was  proof  against  such  missiles. 

To  be  explicit,  we  are  told  that,  in  the  year 
1651,  the  great  confederacy  of  the  east  accused  the 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  331 

immaculate  Peter,  the  soul  of  honor  and  heart  of 
steel,  of  secretly  endeavoring,  by  gifts  and  prom- 
ises, to  instigate  the  Narroheganset,  Mohaque, 
and  Pequot  Indians,  to  surprise  and  massacre  the 
Yankee  settlements.  "  For,"  as  the  grand  coun- 
cil observed,  "  the  Indians  round  about  for  divers 
hundred  miles  cercute  seeme  to  have  drunk 
deepe  of  an  intoxicating  cupp,  att  or  from  the 
Manhattoes  against  the  English,  whoe  have 
sought  their  good,  both  in  bodily  and  spirituall 
respects." 

This  charge  they  pretended  to  support  by  the 
evidence  of  divers  Indians,  who  were  probably 
moved  by  that  spirit  of  truth  which  is  said  to 
reside  in  the  bottle,  and  who  swore  to  the  fact 
as  sturdily  as  though  they  had  been  so  many 
Christian  troopers. 

Though  descended  from  a  family  which  suf- 
fered much  injury  from  the  losel  Yankees  of 
those  times,  my  great-grandfather  having  had  a 
yoke  of  oxen  and  his  best  pacer  stolen,  and  hav- 
ing received  a  pair  of  black  eyes  and  a  bloody 
nose  in  one  of  these  border  wars,  and  my  grand- 
father, when  a  very  little  boy  tending  pigs,  having 
been  kidnapped  and  severely  flogged  by  a  long- 
sided  Connecticut  schoolmaster,  —  yet  I  should 
have  passed  over  all  these  wrongs  with  forgive- 
ness and  oblivion,  —  I  could  even  have  suffered 
them  to  have  broken  Everet  Ducking's  head,  — 
to  have  kicked  the  doughty  Jacobus  Van  Curlet 
and  his  ragged  regiment  out  of  doors,  —  to  have 
carried  every  hog  into  captivity,  arid  depopulated 
every  hen-roost  on  the-  face  of  the  earth  with 


332  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

perfect  impunity,  —  but  this  wanton  attack  upon 
one  of  the  most  gallant  and  irreproachable  heroes 
of  modern  times  is  too  much  even  for  me  to  di- 
gest, and  has  overset,  with  a  single  puff,  the  pa- 
tience of  the  historian,  and  the  forbearance  of 
the  Dutchman. 

Oh,  reader,  it  was  false  !  I  swear  to  thee,  it 
was  false !  —  if  thou  hast  any  respect  to  my 
word,  —  if  the  undeviating  character  for  veracity, 
which  I  have  endeavored  to  maintain  throughout 
this  work,  has  its  due  weight  upon  thee,  thou 
wilt  not  give  thy  faith  to  this  tale  of  slander; 
for  I  pledge  my  honor  and  my  immortal  fame  to 
thee,  that  the  gallant  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  not 
only  innocent  of  this  foul  conspiracy,  but  would 
have  suffered  his  right  arm  or  even  his  wooden 
leg  to  consume  with  slow  and  everlasting  flames, 
rather  than  attempt  to  destroy  his  enemies  in  any 
other  way  than  open,  generous  warfare ;  —  be- 
shrew  those  caitiff  scouts,  that  conspired  to  sully 
his  honest  name  by  such  an  imputation ! 

Peter  Stuyvesant,  though  haply  he  may  never 
have  heard  of  a  knight -errant,  had  as  true  a 
heart  of  chivalry  as  ever  beat  at  the  round  table 
of  King  Arthur.  In  the  honest  bosom  of  this 
heroic  Dutchman  dwelt  the  seven  noble  virtues 
of  knighthood,  flourishing  among  his  hardy  quali- 
ties like  wild  flowers  among  rocks.  He  was,  in 
truth,  a  hero  of  chivalry  struck  off  by  nature  at 
a  single  heat,  and  though  little  care  may  have 
been  taken  to  refine  her  workmanship,  he  stood 
forth  a  miracle  of  her  skill.  In  all  his  dealings 
he  was  headstrong  perhaps,  but  open  and  above- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  333 

board  ;  if  there  was  anything  in  the  whole  world 
he  most  loathed  and  despised,  it  was  cunning  and 
secret  wile  ;  "  straight  forward  "  was  his  motto  ; 
and  he  would  at  any  time  rather  run  his  hard 
head  against  a  stone  wall  than  attempt  to  get 
round  it. 

Such  was  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  and  if  my  admi- 
ration of  him  has  on  this  occasion  transported  my 
style  beyond  the  sober  gravity  which  becomes 
the  philosophic  recorder  of  historic  events,  I  must 
plead  as  an  apology,  that,  though  a  little  gray- 
headed  Dutchman,  arrived  almost  at  the  down- 
hill of  life,  I  still  retain  a  lingering  spark  of  that 
fire  which  kindles  in  the  eye  of  youth  when 
contemplating  the  virtues  of  ancient  worthies. 
Blessed,  thrice  and  nine  times  blessed  be  the 
good  St.  Nicholas,  if  I  have  indeed  escaped  that 
apathy  which  chills  the  sympathies  of  age  and 
paralyzes  every  glow  of  enthusiasm. 

The  first  measure  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  on 
hearing  of  this  slanderous  charge,  would  have 
been  worthy  of  a  man  who  had  studied  for  years 
in  the  chivalrous  library  of  Don  Quixote.  Draw- 
ing his  sword  and  laying  it  across  the  table,  to 
put  him  in  proper  tune,  he  took  pen  in  hand  and 
indited  a  proud  and  lofty  letter  to  the  council  of 
the  league,  reproaching  them  with  giving  ear  to 
the  slanders  of  heathen  savages  against  a  Chris- 
tian, a  soldier,  and  a  cavalier  ;  declaring,  that, 
whoever  charged  him  with  the  plot  in  question, 
lied  in  his  throat ;  to  prove  which  he  offered  to 
meet  the  president  of  the  council  or  any  of  his 
compeers,  or  their  champion,  Captain  Alicxsan- 


334  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

der  Partridg,  that  mighty  man  of  Rhodes,  in 
single  combat,  —  wherein  he  trusted  to  vindicate 
his  honor  by  the  prowess  of  his  arm. 

This  missive  was  intrusted  to  his  trumpeter 
and  squire,  Antony  Van  Corlear,  that  man  of 
emergencies,  with  orders  to  travel  night  and  day, 
sparing  neither  whip  nor  spur,  seeing  that  he  car- 
ried the  vindication  of  his  patron's  fame  in  his 


The  loyal  Antony  accomplished  his  mission 
with  great  speed  and  considerable  loss  of  leather. 
He  delivered  his  missive  with  becoming  cere- 
mony, accompanying  it  with  a  flourish  of  defiance 
on  his  trumpet  to  the  whole  council,  ending  with 
a  significant  arid  nasal  twang  full  in  the  face  of 
Captain  Partridg,  who  nearly  jumped  out  of  his 
skin  in  an  ecstasy  of  astonishment. 

The  grand  council  was  composed  of  men  too 
cool  and  practical  to  be  put  readily  in  a  heat,  or 
to  indulge  in  knight-errantry ;  and  above  all  to 
run  a  tilt  with  such  a  fiery  hero  as  Peter  the 
Headstrong.  They  knew  the  advantage,  how- 
ever, to  have  always  a  snug,  justifiable  cause  of 
war  in  reserve  with  a  neighbor,  who  had  terri- 
tories worth  invading  ;  so  they  devised  a  reply 
to  Peter  Stuyvesant,  calculated  to  keep  up  the 
"  raw  "  which  they  had  established. 

On  receiving  this  answer,  Antony  Van  Corlear 
remounted  the  Flanders  mare  which  he  always 
rode,  and  trotted  merrily  back  to  the  Manhattoes, 
solacing  himself  by  the  way  according  to  his 
wont ;  twanging  his  trumpet  like  a  very  devil,  so 
that  the  sweet  valleys  and  banks  of  the  Connect- 


BISTORT  OF  NEW   YORK.  335 

icut  resounded  with  the  warlike  melody ;  bring- 
ing all  the  folks  to  the  windows  as  he  passed 
through  Hartford  and  Pyquag,  and  Middletown, 
and  all  the  other  border  towns,  ogling  and  wink- 
ing at  the  women,  and  making  aerial  wind-mills 
from  the  end  of  his  nose  at  their  husbands,  and 
stopping  occasionally  in  the  villages  to  eat  pump- 
kin-pies, dance  at  country  frolics,  and  bundle 
with  the  Yankee  lasses  —  whom  he  rejoiced 
exceedingly  with  his  soul-stirring  instrument. 


336  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER  VI. 


HE  reply  of  the  grand  council  to  Peter 
Stuyvesant  was  couched  in  the  coolest 
and  most  diplomatic  language.  They 
assured  him  that  "  his  confident  denials  of  the 
barbarous  plot  alleged  against  him  would  weigh 
little  against  the  testimony  of  divers  sober  and 
respectable  Indians  " ;  that  "  his  guilt  was  proved 
to  their  perfect  satisfaction,"  so  that  they  must 
still  require  and  seek  due  satisfaction  and  secu- 
rity ;  ending  with  —  "  so  we  rest,  sir  —  Yours 
in  ways  of  righteousness." 

I  forbear  to  say  how  the  lion-hearted  Peter 
roared  and  ramped  at  finding  himself  more  and 
more  entangled  in  the  meshes  thus  artfully  drawn 
round  him  by  the  knowing  Yankees.  Impatient, 
however,  of  suffering  so  gross  an  aspersion  to 
rest  upon  his  honest  name,  he  sent  a  second  mes- 
senger to  the  council,  reiterating  his  denial  of  the 
treachery  imputed  to  him,  and  offering  to  submit 
his  conduct  to  the  scrutiny  of  a  court  of  honor. 
His  offer  was  readily  accepted ;  and  now  he 
looked  forward  with  confidence  to  an  august  tri- 
bunal to  be  assembled  at  the  Manhattoes,  formed 


HISTORY   OF  XEW   YORK.  337 

of  high-minded  cavaliers,  peradventure  governors 
and  commanders  of  the  confederate  plantations, 
when  the  matter  might  be  investigated  by  his 
peers,  in  a  manner  befitting  his  rank  and  dignity. 

While  he  was  awaiting  the  arrival  of  such 
high  functionaries,  behold,  one  sunshiny  afternoon 
there  rode  into  the  great  gate  of  the  Manhattoes 
two  lean,  hungry-looking  Yankees,  mounted  on 
Narraganset  pacers,  with  saddle-bags  under  their 
bottoms,  and  green  satchels  under  their  arms, 
who  looked  marvellously  like  two  pettifogging 
attorneys  beating  the  hoof  from  one  county  court 
to  another  in  quest  of  lawsuits ;  and,  in  sooth, 
though  they  may  have  passed  under  different 
names  at  the  time,  I  have  reason  to  suspect  they 
were  the  identical  varlets  who  had  negotiated  the 
worthy  Dutch  commissioners  out  of  the  Connect- 
icut river. 

It  was  a  rule  with  these  indefatigable  mission- 
aries never  to  let  the  grass  grow  under  their  feet. 
Scarce  had  they,  therefore,  alighted  at  the  inn 
and  deposited  their  saddle-bags,  than  they  made 
their  way  to  the  residence  of  the  governor. 
They  found  him,  according  to  custom,  smoking 
his  afternoon  pipe  on  the  "  stoop,"  or  bench  at 
the  porch  of  his  house,  and  announced  themselves, 
at  once,  as  commissioners  sent  by  the  grand  coun- 
cil of  the  east  to  investigate  the  truth  of  certain 
charges  advanced  against  him. 

The  good  Peter  took  his  pipe  from  his  mouth, 
and  gazed  at  them  for  a  moment  in  mute  aston- 
ishment. By  way  of  expediting  business,  they 
were  proceeding  on  the  spot  to  put  some  pre- 
22 


338  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

liminary  questions,  —  asking  him,  peradventure, 
whether  he  pleaded  guilty  or  not  guilty,  consider- 
ing him  something  in  the  light  of  a  culprit  at  the 
bar,  —  when  they  were  brought  to  a  pause  by 
seeing  him  lay  down  his  pipe  and  begin  to  fumble 
with  his  walking  -  staff'.  For  a  moment  those 
present  would  not  have  given  hah0  a  crown  for 
both  the  crowns  of  the  commissioners ;  but  Pe- 
ter Stuyvesant  repressed  his  mighty  wrath  and 
stayed  his  hand ;  he  scanned  the  varlets  from 
head  to  foot,  satchels  and  all,  with  a  look  of  inef- 
fable scorn ;  then  strode  into  the  house,  slammed 
the  door  after  him,  and  commanded  that  they 
should  never  again  be  admitted  to  his  presence. 

The  knowing  commissioners  winked  to  each 
other,  and  made  a  certificate  on  the  spot  that  the 
governor  had  refused  to  answer  their  interrog- 
atories or  to  submit  to  their  examination.  They 
then  proceeded  to  rummage  about  the  city  for 
two  or  three  days,  in  quest  of  what  they  called 
evidence,  perplexing  Indians  and  old  women  with 
their  cross-questioning  until  they  had  stuffed  their 
satchels  and  saddle-bags  with  all  kinds  of  apoc- 
ryphal tales,  rumors,  and  calumnies ;  with  these 
they  mounted  their  Narraganset  pacers  and  trav- 
$lled  back  to  the  grand  council ;  neither  did  the 
proud-hearted  Peter  trouble  himself  to  hinder 
their  researches  nor  impede  their  departure  ;  he 
was  too  mindful  of  their  sacred  character  as 
envoys  ;  but  I  warrant  me,  had  they  played  the 
same  tricks  with  William  the  Testy,  he  would 
have  had  them  tucked  up  by  the  waistband  and 
treated  to  an  aerial  gambol  on  his  patent  gallows. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  339 


CHAPTER   VII. 

HOW    "  DRUM    ECCLESIASTIC  ' 


'HE  grand  council  of  the  east  held  a 
solemn  meeting  on  the  return  of  their 
envoys.  As  no  advocate  appeared  in 
behalf  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  everything  went 
against  him.  His  haughty  refusal  to  submit  to 
the  questioning  of  the  commissioners  was  con- 
strued into  a  consciousness  of  guilt.  The  con- 
tents of  the  satchels  and  saddle-bags  were  poured 
forth  before  the  council  and  appeared  a  mountain 
of  evidence.  A  pale,  bilious  orator  took  the 
floor,  and  declaimed  for  hours  and  in  belligerent 
terms.  He  was  one  of  those  furious  zealots  who 
blows  the  bellows  of  faction  until  the  whole  fur- 
nace of  politics  is  red-hot  with  sparks  and  cin- 
ders. What  was  it  to  him  if  he  should  set  the 
house  on  fire,  so  that  he  might  boil  his  pot  by 
the  blaze.  He  was  from  the  borders  of  Connect- 
icut ;  his  constituents  lived  by  marauding  their 
Dutch  neighbors,  and  were  the  greatest  poachers 
in  Christendom,  excepting  the  Scotch  border  no- 
bles. His  eloquence  had  its  effect,  and  it  was 
determined  to  set  on  foot  an  expedition  against 
the  Nieuw  Nederlands. 


340  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

It  was  necessary,  however,  to  prepare  the  pub- 
lie  mind  for  this  measure.  Accordingly  the  argu- 
ments of  the  orator  were  echoed  from  the  pulpit 
for  several  succeeding  Sundays,  and  a  crusade 
was  preached  up  against  Peter  Stuyvesant  and 
his  devoted  city.  «  ;• 

This  is  the  first  we  hear  of  the  "  drum  ecclesi- 
astic" beating  up  for  recruits  in  worldly  warfare 
in  our  country.  It  has  since  been  called  into 
frequent  use.  A  cunning  politician  often  lurks 
under  the  clerical  robe ;  things  spiritual  and 
things  temporal  are  strangely  jumbled  together, 
like  drugs  on  an  apothecary's  shelf;  and  instead 
of  a  peaceful  sermon,  the  simple  seeker  after 
righteousness  has  often  a  political  pamphlet  thrust 
down  his  throat,  labelled  with  a  pious  text  from 
Scripture. 

And  now  nothing  was  talked  of  but  an  expe- 
dition against  the  Manhattoes.  It  pleased  the 
populace,  who  had  a  vehement  prejudice  against 
the  Dutch,  considering  them  a  vastly  inferior 
race,  who  had  sought  the  new  world  for  the  lucre 
of  gain,  not  the  liberty  of  conscience  ;  who  were 
mere  heretics  and  infidels,  inasmuch  as  they  re- 
fused to  believe  in  witches  and  sea-serpents,  and 
had  faith  in  the  virtues  of  horse-shoes  nailed  to 
the  door ;  ate  pork  without  molasses  ;  held  pump- 
kins in  contempt,  and  were,  in  perpetual  breach 
of  the  eleventh  commandment  of  all  true  Yan- 
kees, "  Thou  shalt  have  codfish  dinners  on  Satur- 
days." 

No  sooner  did  Peter  Stuyvesant  get  wind  of 
the  storm  that  was  brewing  in  the  east  than  he 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK,  341 

set  to  work  to  prepare  for  it.  He  was  not  one 
of  those  economical  rulers,  who  postpone  the 
expense  of  fortifying  until  the  enemy  is  at  the 
door.  There  is  nothing,  he  would  say,  that  keeps 
off  enemies  and  crows  more  than  the  smell  of 
gunpowder.  He  proceeded,  therefore,  with  all 
diligence,  to  put  the  province  and  its  metropolis 
in  a  posture  of  defence. 

Among  the  remnants  which  remained  from 
the  days  of  William  the  Testy  were  the  militia 
laws,  —  by  which  the  inhabitants  were  obliged  to 
turn  out  twice  a  year,  with  such  military  equip- 
ments as  it  pleased  God,  —  and  were  put  under 
the  command  of  tailors  and  man-milliners,  who, 
though  on  ordinary  occasions  they  might  have 
been  the  meekest,  most  pippin-hearted  little  men 
in  the  world,  were  very  devils  at  parade,  when 
they  had  cocked  hats  on  their  heads  and  swords 
by  their  sides.  Under  the  instructions  of  these 
periodical  warriors,  the  peaceful  burghers  of  the 
Manhattoes  were  schooled  in  iron  war,  and  be- 
came so  hardy  in  the  process  of  time,  that  they 
could  march  through  sun  and  rain,  from  one  end 
of  the  town  to  the  other,  without  flinching,  —  and 
so  intrepid  and  adroit,  that  they  could  face  to 
the  right,  wheel  to  the  left,  and  fire  without 
winking  or  blinking. 

Peter  Stuyvesant,  like  all  old  soldiers  who 
have  seen  service  and  smelt  gunpowder,  had  no 
great  respect  for  militia  troops  ;  however,  he  de- 
termined to  give  them  a  trial,  and  accordingly 
called  for  a  general  muster,  inspection,  and  re- 
view. But,  oh  Mars  and  Bellona !  what  a  turn- 


342  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

ing-out  was  here !  Here  came  old  Roelant  Cuck- 
aburt,  with  a  short  blunderbuss  on  his  shoulder, 
and  a  long  horseman's  sword  trailing  by  his  side ; 
and  Barent  Dirkson,  with  something  that  looked 
like  a  copper  kettle  turned  upsidedown  on  his 
head,  and  a  couple  of  old  horse  -  pistols  in  his 
belt ;  and  Dirk  Volkertson,  with  a  long  duck  fowl- 
ing-piece without  any  ramrod  ;  and  a  host  more, 
armed  higgledy-piggledy,  —  with  swords,  hatchets, 
snickersnees,  crowbars,  broomsticks,  and  what 
not ;  the  officers  distinguished  from  the  rest  by 
having  their  slouched  hats  cocked  up  with  pins, 
and  surmounted  with  cock-tail  feathers. 

The  sturdy  Peter  eyed  this  nondescript  host 
with  some  such  rueful  aspect  as  a  man  would 
eye  the  devil,  and  determined  to  give  his  feath- 
er-bed soldiers  a  seasoning.  He  accordingly  put 
them  through  their  manual  exercise  over  and 
over  again ;  trudged  them  backwards  and  for- 
wards about  the  streets  of  New  Amsterdam  until 
their  short  legs  ached  and  their  fat  sides  sweated 
again ;  and  finally  encamped  them  in  the  evening 
on  the  summit  of  a  hill  without  the  city,  to  give 
them  a  taste  of  camp  -  life,  intending  the  next 
day  to  renew  the  toils  and  perils  of  the  field. 
But  so  it  came  to  pass  that  in  the  night  there 
fell  a  great  and  heavy  rain,  and  melted  away 
the  army,  so  that  in  the  morning,  when  Gaffer 
Phoebus  shed  his  first  beams  upon  the  camp, 
scarce  a  warrior  remained  except  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant  and  his  trumpeter  Van  Coiiear. 

This  awful  desolation  of  a  whole  army  would 
have  appalled  a  commander  of  less  nerve  ;  but  it 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  343 

served  to  confirm  Peter's  want  of  confidence  in 
the  militia  system,  which  he  thenceforward  used 
to  call,  in  joke,  —  for  he  sometimes  indulged  in  a 
joke,  —  William  the  Testy's  broken  reed.  He 
now  took  into  his  service  a  goodly  number  of 
burly,  broad-shouldered,  broad-bottomed  Dutch- 
men ;  whom  he  paid  in  good  silver  and  gold,  and 
of  whom  he  boasted,  that,  whether  they  could 
stand  fire  or  not,  they  were  at  least  water- 
proof. He  fortified  the  city,  too,  with  pickets  and 
palisadoes,  extending  across  the  island  from  river 
to  river,  and,  above  all,  cast  up  mud  batteries, 
or  redoubts,  on  the  point  of  the  island  where  it 
divided  the  beautiful  bosom  of  the  bay. 

These  latter  redoubts,  in  process  of  time,  came 
to  be  pleasantly  overrun  by  a  carpet  of  grass  and 
clover,  and  overshadowed  by  wide-spreading  elms 
and  sycamores,  among  the  branches  of  which 
the  birds  would  build  their  nests  and  rejoice  the 
ear  with  their  melodious  notes.  Under  these 
trees,  too,  the  old  burghers  would  smoke  their 
afternoon  pipe,  contemplating  the  golden  sun  as 
he  sank  in  the  west,  an  emblem  of  the  tranquil 
end  toward  which  they  were  declining.  Here, 
too,  would  the  young  men  and  maidens  of  the 
town  take  their  evening  stroll,  watching  the  sil- 
ver moonbeams  as  they  trembled  along  the  calm 
bosom  of  the  bay,  or  lit  up  the  sail  of  some  glid- 
ing bark,  and  peradventure  interchanging  the  soft 
vows  of  honest  affection,  —  for  to  evening  strolls 
in  this  favored  spot  were  traced  most  of  the  mar- 
riages in  New  Amsterdam. 
"Such  was  the  origin  of  that  renowned  prome- 


344  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

nade,  THE  BATTERY,  which,  though  ostensibly 
devoted  to  the  stern  purposes  of  war,  has  ever 
been  consecrated  to  the  sweet  delights  of  peace. 
The  scene  of  many  a  gambol  in  happy  child- 
hood, —  of  many  a  tender  assignation  in  riper 
years,  —  of  many  a  soothing  walk  in  declining 
age,  —  the  healthful  resort  of  the  feeble  invalid, 
—  the  Sunday  refreshment  of  the  dusty  trades- 
man,—  in  fine,  the  ornament  and  delight  of 
New  York,  and  the  pride  of  the  lovely  island 
of  Manna-hata. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  345 


CHAPTER    Vm. 

HOW  THE  YANKEE  CRUSADE  AGAINST  THE  NEW  NETHERLANDS  WAS 
PEOPLE  OP  THE  EAST. 

'AVING  thus  provided  for  the  temporary 
security  of  New  Amsterdam,  and  guard- 
ed it  against  any  sudden  surprise,  the 
gallant  Peter  took  a  hearty  pinch  of  snuff,  and 
snapping  his  fingers,  set  the  great  council  of  Am- 
phictyons  and  their  champion,  the  redoubtable 
Alicxsander  Partridg,  at  defiance.  In  the  mean 
time  the  moss-troopers  of  Connecticut,  the  war- 
riors of  New  Haven  and  Hartford,  and  Pyquag, 
otherwise  called  Weathersfield,  famous  for  its 
onions  and  its  witches,  and  of  all  the  other  bor- 
der-towns, were  in  a  prodigious  turmoil,  furbish- 
ing up  their  rusty  weapons,  shouting  aloud  for 
war,  and  anticipating  easy  conquests,  and  glori- 
ous rummaging  of  the  fat  little  Dutch  villages. 

In  the  midst  of  these  warlike  preparations, 
however,  they  received  the  chilling  news  that  the 
colony  of  Massachusetts  refused  to  back  them  in 
this  righteous  war.  It  seems  that  the  gallant 
conduct  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  the  generous 
warmth  of  his  vindication,  and  the  chivalrous 
spirit  of  his  defiance,  though  lost  upon  the  grand 
council  of  the  league,  had  carried  conviction  to 


346  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

the  general  court  of  Massachusetts,  which  nobly 
refused  to  believe  him  guilty  of  the  villanous 
plot  laid  at  his  door.1 

The  defection  of  so  important  a  colony  para- 
lyzed the  councils  of  the  league,  some  such  dis- 
sension arose  among  its  members  as  prevailed 
of  yore  in  the  camp  of  the  brawling  warriors  of 
Greece,  and  in  the  end  the  crusade  against  the 
Manhattoes  was  abandoned. 

It  is  said  that  the  moss-troopers  of  Connecti- 
cut were  sorely  disappointed  ;  but  well  for  them 
that  their  belligerent  cravings  were  not  gratified : 
for  by  my  faith,  whatever  might  have  been  the 
ultimate  result  of  a  conflict  with  all  the  powers 
of  the  east,  in  the  interim  the  stomachful  heroes 
of  Pyquag  would  have  been  choked  with  then* 
own  onions,  and  all  the  border-towns  of  Connecti- 
cut would  have  had  such  a  scouring  from  the 
lion-hearted  Peter  and  his  robustious  myrmidons, 
that  I  warrant  me  they  would  not  have  had  the 
stomach  to  squat  on  the  land  or  invade  the  hen- 
roost of  a  Nederlander  for  a  century  to  come. 

But  it  was  not  merely  the  refusal  of  Massa- 
chusetts to  join  in  their  unholy  crusade  that  con- 
founded the  councils  of  the  league ;  for  about 
this  time  broke  out  in  the  New-England  prov- 
inces the  awful  plague  of  witchcraft,  which 
spread  like  pestilence  through  the  land.  Such 
a  howling  abomination  could  not  be  suffered  to 
remain  long  unnoticed ;  it  soon  excited  the  fiery 
indignation  of  those  guardians  of  the  common- 
wealth who  whilom  had  evinced  such  active 
1  Hazard's  State  Papers. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  347 

benevolence  in  the  conversion  of  Quakers  and 
Anabaptists.  The  grand  council  of  the  league 
publicly  set  their  faces  against  the  crime,  and 
bloody  laws  were  enacted  against  all  "  solem  con- 
versing or  compacting  with  the  divil  by  way  of 
conjuracion  or  the  like."  l  Strict  search,  too,  was 
made  after  witches,  who  were  easily  detected  by 
devil's  pinches,  —  by  being  able  to  weep  but 
three  tears,  and  those  out  of  the  left  eye,  —  and 
by  having  a  most  suspicious  predilection  for  black 
cats  and  broomsticks  !  "What. is  particularly  wor- 
thy of  admiration  is,  that  this  terrible  art,  which 
has  baffled  the  studies  and  researches  of  philoso- 
phers, astrologers,  theurgists,  and  other  sages, 
was  chiefly  confined  to  the  most  ignorant,  de- 
crepit, and  ugly  old  women  in  the  community, 
with  scarce  more  brains  than  the  broomsticks 
they  rode  upon. 

When  once  an  alarm  is  sounded,  the  public, 
who  dearly  love  to  be  in  a  panic,  are  always 
ready  to  keep  it  up.  Raise  but  the  cry  of  yel- 
low fever,  and  immediately  every  headache,  in- 
digestion, and  overflowing  of  the  bile  is  pro- 
nounced the  terrible  epidemic ;  cry  out  mad  dog, 
and  every  unlucky  cur  in  the  street  is  in  jeop- 
ardy :  so  in  the  present  instance,  whoever  was 
troubled  with  colic  or  lumbago  was  sure  to  be 
bewitched,  —  and  woe  to  any  unlucky  old  woman 
living  in  the  neighborhood  ! 

It  is  incredible  the  number  of  offences  that 
were  detected,  "  for  every  one  of  which,"  says 
the  reverend  Cotton  Mather,  in  that  excellent 
l  New  Plymouth  record. 


348  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

work  the  History  of  New  England,  "  we  have 
such  a  sufficient  evidence,  that  no  reasonable 
man  in  this  whole  country  ever  did  question 
them ;  and  it  will  be  unreasonable  to  do  it  in  any 
other?  l 

Indeed,  that  authentic  and  judicious  historian 
John  Josselyn,  Gent.,  furnishes  us  with  unques- 
tionable facts  on  this  subject.  "  There  are  none," 
observes  he,  "  that  beg  in  this  country,  but  there 
be  witches  too  many,  —  bottle-bellied  witches, 
and  others,  that  produce  many  strange  apparitions, 
if  you  will  believe  report,  of  a  shallop  at  sea 
manned  with  women,  —  and  of  a  ship  and  great 
red  horse  standing  by  the  main-mast ;  the  ship 
being  in  a  small  cove  to  the  eastward,  vanished 
of  a  sudden,"  etc. 

The  number  of  delinquents,  however,  and 
their  magical  devices,  were  not  more  remarkable 
than  their  diabolical  obstinacy.  Though  exhorted 
in  the  most  solemn,  persuasive,  and  affectionate 
manner  to  confess  themselves  guilty,  and  be  burnt 
for  the  good  of  religion  and  the  entertainment  of 
the  public,  yet  did  they  most  pertinaciously  per- 
sist in  asserting  their  innocence.  Such  incredi- 
ble obstinacy  was  in  itself  deserving  of  immedi- 
ate punishment,  and  was  sufficient  proof,  if  proof 
were  necessary,  that  they  were  in  league  with 
the  devil,  who  is  perverseness  itself.  But  their 
judges  were  just  and  merciful,  and  were  deter- 
mined to  punish  none  that  were  not  convicted  on 
the  best  of  testimony  ;  not  that  they  needed  any 
evidence  to  satisfy  their  own  minds,  —  for,  like 
i  Mather's  Hist.  New  Eng.  B.  6,  ch.  7. 


m STORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  349 

true  and  experienced  judges,  their  minds  were 
perfectly  made  up,  and  they  were  thoroughly  sat- 
isfied of  the  guilt  of  the  prisoners  before  they 
proceeded  to  try  them,  —  but  still  something  was 
necessary  to  convince  the  community  at  large,  — 
to  quiet  those  prying  quidnuncs  who  should  come 
after  them,  —  in  short,  the  world  must  be  satis- 
fied. Oh,  the  world  —  the  world!  —  all  the 
world  knows  the  world  of  trouble  the  .world  is 
eternally  occasioning  !  The  worthy  judges,  there- 
fore, were  driven  to  the  necessity  of  sifting,  de- 
tecting, and  making  evident  as  noonday,  matters 
which  were  at  the  commencement  all  clearly 
understood  and  firmly  decided  upon  in  their  own 
pericraniums,  —  so  that  it  may  truly  be  said,  that 
the  witches  were  burnt  to  gratify  the  populace 
of  the  day,  but  were  tried  for  the  satisfaction 
of  the  whole  world  that  should  come  after  them  ! 

Finding,  therefore,  that  neither  exhortation, 
sound  reason,  nor  friendly  entreaty  had  any  avail 
on  these  hardened  offenders,  they  resorted  to  the 
more  urgent  arguments  of  torture ;  and  having 
thus  absolutely  wrung  the  truth  from  their  stub- 
born lips,  they  condemned  them  to  undergo  the 
roasting  due  unto  the  heinous  crimes  they  had 
confessed.  Some  even  carried  their  perverseness 
so  far  as  to  expire  under  the  torture,  protesting 
their  innocence  to  the  last;  but  these  were  looked 
upon  as  thoroughly  and  absolutely  possessed  by 
the  devil ;  and  the  pious  by-standers  only  lamented 
that  they  had  not  lived  a  little  longer,  to  have 
perished  in  the  flames. 

In  the  city  of  Ephesus,  we  are  told  that  the 


350  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

plague  was  expelled  by  stoning  a  ragged  old  beg- 
gar to  death,  whom  Apollonius  pointed  out  as 
being  the  evil  spirit  that  caused  it,  and  who 
actually  showed  himself  to  be  a  demon,  by 
changing  into  a  shagged  dog.  In  like  manner, 
and  by  measures  equally  sagacious,  a  salutary 
check  was  given  to  this  growing  evil.  The 
witches  were  all  burnt,  banished,  or  panic-struck, 
and  in  a  little  while  there  was  not  an  ugly  old 
woman  to  be  found  throughout  New  England,  — 
which  is  doubtless  one  reason  why  all  the  young 
women  there  are  so  handsome.  Those  honest  folk 
who  had  suffered  from  their  incantations  grad- 
ually recovered,  excepting  such  as  had  been  af- 
flicted with  twitches  and  aches,  which,  however, 
assumed  the  less  alarming  aspects  of  rheuma- 
tisms, sciatics,  and  lumbagos  ;  and  the  good  peo- 
ple of  New  England,  abandoning  the  study  of 
the  occult  sciences,  turned  their  attention  to  the 
more  profitable  hocus-pocus  of  trade,  and  soon 
became  expert  in  the  legerdemain  art  of  turning 
a  penny.  Still,  however,  a  tinge  of  the  old 
leaven  is  discernible,  even  unto  this  day,  in  their 
characters  :  witches  occasionally  start  up  among 
them  in  different  disguises,  as  physicians,  civil- 
ians, and  divines.  The  people  at  large  show  a 
keenness,  a  cleverness,  and  a  profundity  of  wis- 
dom, that  savors  strongly  of  witchcraft ;  and  it 
has  been  remarked,  that,  whenever  any  stones 
fall  from  the  moon,  the  greater  part  of  them  is 
sure  to  tumble  into  New  England  ! 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  351 


CHAPTER   IX. 


snowixo  TF 

ERAN    AXD 


>HEN  treating  of  these  tempestuous 
times,  the  unknown  writer  of  the  Stuy- 
vesant  manuscript  breaks  out  into  an 
apostrophe  in  praise  of  the  good  St.  Nicholas,  to 
whose  protecting  care  he  ascribes  the  dissensions 
which  broke  out  in  the  council  of  the  league,  and 
the  direful  witchcraft  which  filled  all  Yankee 
land  as  with  Egyptian  darkness. 

A  portentous  gloom,  says  he,  hung  lowering 
over  the  fair  valleys  of  the  East :  the  pleasant 
banks  of  the  Connecticut  no  longer  echoed  to  the 
sounds  of  rustic  gayety  ;  grisly  phantoms  glided 
about  each  wild  brook  and  silent  glen  ;  fearful 
apparitions  were  seen  in  the  air  ;  strange  voices 
were  heard  in  solitary  places  ;  and  the  border- 
towns  were  so  occupied  in  detecting  and  punish- 
ing losel  witches,  that,  for  a  time,  all  talk  of  war 
was  suspended,  and  New  Amsterdam  and  its  in- 
habitants seemed  to  be  totally  forgotten. 

I  must  not  conceal  the  fact  that  at  one  time 
there  was  some  danger  of  this  plague  of  witch- 
craft extending  into  the  New  Netherlands ;  and 


352  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

certain  witches,  mounted  on  broomsticks,  are  said 
to  have  been  seen  whisking  in  the  air  over  some 
of  the  Dutch  villages  near  the  borders ;  but  the 
worthy  Nederlanders  took  the  precaution  to  nail 
horse-shoes  to  their  doors,  which  it  is  well  known 
are  effectual  barriers  against  all  diabolical  vermin 
of  the  kind.  Many  of  those  horse-shoes  may  be 
seen  at  this  very  day  on  ancient  mansions  and 
barns  remaining  from  the  days  of  the  patriarchs ; 
nay,  the  custom  is  still  kept  up  among  some  of 
our  legitimate  Dutch  yeomanry,  who  inherit  from 
their  forefathers  a  desire  to  keep  witches  and 
Yankees  out  of  the  country. 

And  now  the  great  Peter,  having  no  imme- 
diate hostility  to  apprehend  from  the  east, 
turned  his  face,  with  characteristic  vigilance,  to 
his  southern  frontiers.  The  attentive  reader  will 
recollect  that  certain  freebooting  Swedes  had  be- 
come very  troublesome  in  this  quarter  in  the 
latter  part  of  the  reign  of  William  the  Testy, 
setting  at  naught  the  proclamations  of  that  veri- 
table potentate,  and  putting  his  admiral,  the  in- 
trepid Jan  Jansen  Alpendam,  to  a  perfect  non- 
plus. To  check  the  incursions  of  these  Swedes, 
Peter  Stuyvesant  now  ordered  a  force  to  that 
frontier,  giving  the  command  of  it  to  General 
Jacobus  Van  Poffenburgh,  an  officer  who  had 
risen  to  great  importance  during  the  reign  of 
Wilhelmus  Kieft.  He  had,  if  histories  speak 
true,  been  second  in  command  to  the  doughtv 
Van  Curlet,  when  he  and  his  warriors  were  in- 
humanly kicked  out  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop  by  the 
Yankees.  In  that  memorable  affair  Van  Poffen- 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  353 

burgh  is  said  to  have  received  more  kicks  in  a 
certain  honorable  part  than  any  of  his  comrades, 
in  consequence  of  which,  on  the  resignation  of 
Van  Curlet,  he  had  been  promoted  to  his  place, 
being  considered  a  hero  who  had  seen  service, 
and  suffered  in  his  country's  cause. 

It  is  tropically  observed  by  honest  old  Soc- 
rates, that  heaven  infuses  into  some  men  at  their 
birth  a  portion  of  intellectual  gold,  into  others  of 
intellectual  silver,  while  others  are  intellectually 
furnished  with  iron  and  brass.  Of  the  last  class 
was  General  Van  Poffenburgh ;  and  it  would 
seem  as  if  dame  Nature,  who  will  sometimes  be 
partial,  had  given  him  brass  enough  for  a  dozen 
ordinary  braziers.  All  this  he  had  contrived  to 
pass  off  upon  William  the  Testy  for  genuine  gold  ; 
and  the  little  governor  would  sit  for  hours  and 
listen  to  his  gunpowder  stories  of  exploits,  which 
left  those  of  Tirante  the  White,  Don  Belianis  of 
Greece,  or  St.  George  and  the  Dragon  quite  in 
the  background.  Having  been  promoted  by 
William  Kieft  to  the  command  of  his  whole 
disposable  forces,  he  gave  importance  to  his  sta- 
tion by  the  grandiloquence  of  his  bulletins, 
always  styling  himself  Commander-in-chief  of 
the  Armies  of  the  New  Netherlands,  though  in 
sober  truth,  these  armies  were  nothing  more  than 
a  handful  of  hen-stealing,  bottle-bruising  raga- 
muffins. 

In  person  he  was  not  very  tell,  but  exceed- 
ingly round ;  neither  did  his  bulk  proceed  from 
his  being  fat,  but  windy,  being  blown  up  by  a 
prodigious  conviction  of  his  own  importance,  until 


354  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

he  resembled  one  of  those  bags  of  wind  given  by 
uEolus,  in. an  incredible  fit  of  generosity,  to  that 
vagabond  warrior  Ulysses.  His  windy  endow- 
ments had  long  excited  the  admiration  of  Antony 
Van  Corlear,  who  is  said  to  have  hinted  more 
than  once  to  William  the  Testy,  that  in  making 
Van  Poffenburgh  a  general  he  had  spoiled  an 
admirable  trumpeter. 

As  it  is  the  practice  in  ancient  story  to  give 
the  reader^  a  description  of  the  arms  and  equip- 
ments of  every  noted  warrior,  I  will  bestow  a 
word  upon  the  dress  of  this  redoubtable  com- 
mander. It  comported  with  his  character,  being 
so  crossed  and  slashed,  and  embroidered  with  lace 
and  tinsel,  that  he  seemed  to  have  as  much  brass 
without  as  nature  had  stored  away  within.  He 
was  swathed,  too,  in  a  crimson  sash,  of  the  size 
and  texture  of  a  fishing-net,  —  doubtless  to  keep 
his  swelling  heart  from  bursting  through  his  ribs. 
His  face  glowed  with  furnace -heat  from  be- 
tween a  huge  pair  of  well-powdered  whiskers  ; 
and  his  valorous  soul  seemed  ready  to  bounce 
out  of  a  pair  of  large,  glassy,  blinking  eyes, 
projecting  like  those  of  a  lobster. 

I  swear  to  thee,  worthy  reader,  if  history 
and  tradition  belie  not  this  warrior,  I  would  give 
all  the  money  in  my  pocket  to  have  seen  him 
accoutred  cap-a-pie,  —  booted  to  the  middle, 
sashed  to  the  chin,  collared'  to  the  ears,  whiskered 
to  the  teeth,  crowned  with  an  overshadowing 
cocked  hat,  and  girded  with  a  leathern  belt  ten 
inches  broad,  from  which  trailed  a  falchion,  of  a 
length  that  I  dare  not  mention.  Thus  equipped, 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  355 

he  strutted  about,  as  bitter-looking  a  man  of  war 
as  the  far-famed  More,  of  More-hall,  when  he  sal- 
lied forth  to  slay  the  dragon  of  Waiitley.  For 
what  says  the  ballad  ? 

"  Had  you  but  seen  him  in  this  dress, 

How  fierce  he  looked  and  how  big, 
You  would  have  thought  him  for  to  be 

Some  Egyptian  porcupig. 
He  frighted  all  —  cats,  dogs,  and  all, 

Kach  cow,  each  horse,  and  each  hog; 
For  fear  they  did  flee,  for  they  took  him  to  be 

Some  strange  outlandish  hedge-hog."  l 

I  must  confess  this  general,  with  all  his  out- 
ward valor  and  ventosity,  was  not  exactly  an  offi- 
cer to  Peter  Stuyvesant's  taste,  but  he  stood  fore- 
most in  the  army  list  of  William  the  Testy ;  and  it 
is  probable  the  good  Peter,  who  was  conscientious 
in  his  dealings  with  all  men,  and  had  his  mili- 
tary notions  of  precedence,  thought  it  but  fair  .to 
give  him  a  chance  of  proving  his  right  to  his 
dignities. 

To  this  copper  captain,  therefore,  was  confided 
the  command  of  the  troops  destined  to  protect 
the  southern  frontier ;  and  scarce  had  he  de- 
parted for  his  station  than  bulletins  began  to  ar- 
rive from  him,  describing  his  undaunted  march 
through  savage  deserts,  over  insurmountable 
mountains,  across  impassable  rivei-s,  and  through 
impenetrable  forests,  conquering  vast  tracts  of  un- 
inhabited country,  and  encountering  more  perils 
than  did  Xenophon  in  his  far-famed  retreat  with 
his  ten  thousand  Grecians. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  read  all  these  grandiloquent 

1  Ballad  of  Dragon  of  Wantley. 


356  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

despatches  with  a  dubious  screwing  of  the  mouth 
and  shaking  of  the  head  ;  but  Antony  Van  Cor- 
lear  repeated  these  contents  in  the  streets  and 
market-places  with  an  appropriate  nourish  upon 
his  trumpet,  and  the  windy  victories  of  the  gen- 
eral resounded  through  the  streets  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. 

On  arriving  at  the  southern  frontier,  Van  Pof- 
fenburgh  proceeded  to  erect  a  fortress,  or  strong- 
hold, on  the  South  or  Delaware  river.  At  first 
he  bethought  him  to  call  it  Fort  Stuyvesant, 
in  honor  of  the  governor,  —  a  lowly  kind  of 
homage  prevalent  in  our  country  among  spec- 
ulators, military  commanders,  and  office-seekers 
of  all  kinds,  by  which  our  maps  come  to  be 
studded  with  the  names  of  political  patrons  and 
temporary  great  men ;  in  the  present  instance, 
Van  Poftenburgh  carried  his  homage  to  the  most 
lowly  degree,  giving  his  fortress  the  name  of 
Fort  Casimir,  in  honor,  it  is  said,  of  a  favorite 
pair  of  brimstone  trunk -breeches  of  his  Excel- 
lency. 

As  this  fort  will  be  found  to  give  rise  to  im- 
portant events,  it  may  be  worth  while  to  notice 
that  it  was  afterwards  called  Nieuw  Amstel,  and 
was  the  germ  of  the  present  flourishing  town 
of  New  Castle,  or,  more  properly  speaking,  No 
Castle,  there  being  nothing  of  the  kind  on  the 
premises. 

His  fortress  being  finished,  it  would  have  done 
any  man's  heart  good  to  behold  the  swelling  dig- 
nity with  which  the  general  would  stride  in  and 
out  a  dozen  times  a  day,  surveying  it  in  front 


BISTORT  OF  NEW    YORK.  357 

and  in  rear,  on  this  side  and  on  that ;  how  he 
would  strut  backwards  and  forwards,  in  full  reg- 
imentals, on  the  top  of  the  ramparts,  —  like  a 
vain-glorious  cock-pigeon,  swelling  and  vaporing 
on  the  top  of  a  dove-cot. 

There  is  a  kind  of  valorous  spleen  which,  like 
wind,  is  apt  to  grow  unruly  in  the  stomachs  of 
newly  made  soldiers,  compelling  them  to  box- 
lobby  brawls  and  broken-headed  quarrels,  unless 
there  can  be  found  some  more  harmless  way  to 
give  it  vent.  It  is  recorded  in  the  delectable 
romance  of  Pierce  Forest,  that  a  young  knight, 
being  dubbed  by  King  Alexander,  did  inconti- 
nently gallop  into  an  adjacent  forest  and  belabor 
the  trees  with  such  might  and  main,  that  he  not 
merely  eased  off  the  sudden  effervescence  of  his 
valor,  but  convinced  the  whole  court  that  he  was 
the  most  potent  and  courageous  cavalier  on  the 
face  of  the  earth.  In  like  manner  the  command- 
er of  Fort  Casimir,  when  he  found  his  martial 
spirit  waxing  too  hot  within  him,  would  sally 
forth  into  the  fields  and  lay  about  him  most  lust- 
ily Avith  his  sabre,  —  decapitating  cabbages  by 
platoons,  hewing  down  lofty  sunflowers,  which 
he  termed  gigantic  Swedes,  and  if,  perchance,  he 
espied  a  colony  of  big-bellied  pumpkins  quietly 
basking  in  the  sun,  —  "Ah!  caitiff  Yankees?" 
would  he  roar,  "  have  I  caught  ye  at  last  ?  "  — 
So  saying,  with  one  sweep  of  his  sword  he 
would  cleave  the  unhappy  vegetables  from  their 
chins  to  their  waistbands  ;  by  which  warlike 
havoc  his  choler  being  in  some  sort  allayed,  he 
would  return  into  the  fortress  with  the  full  con- 


358  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

viction  that  he  was  a  very  miracle  of  military 
prowess. 

He  was  a  disciplinarian,  too,  of  the  first  order. 
Woe  to  any  unlucky  soldier  who  did  not  hold  up 
his  head  and  turn  out  his  toes  when  on  parade, 
or  who  did  not  salute  the  general  in  proper  style 
as  he  passed.  Having  one  day,  in  his.  Bible  re- 
searches, encountered  the  history  of  Absalom  and 
his  melancholy  end,  the  general  bethought  him, 
that,  in  a  country  abounding  Avith  forests,  his 
soldiers  were  in  constant  risk  of  a  like  catastro- 
phe ;  he  therefore,  in  an  evil  hour,  issued  orders 
for  cropping  the  hair  of  both  officers  and  men 
throughout  the  garrison. 

Now,  so  it  happened,  that  among  his  officers 
was  a  sturdy  veteran  named  Keldermeester,  who 
had  cherished,  through  a  long  life,  a  mop  of  hair 
not  a  little  resembling  the  shag  of  a  Newfound- 
land dog,  terminating  in  a  queue  like  the  han- 
dle of  a  frying-pan,  and  queued  so  tightly  to 
his  head  that  his  eyes  and  mouth  generally 
stood  ajar,  and  his  eyebrows  were  drawn  up  to 
the  top  of  his  forehead.  It  may  naturally  be 
supposed  that  the  possessor  of  so  goodly  an  ap- 
pendage would  resist  with  abhorrence  an  order 
condemning  it  to  the  shears.  On  hearing  the 
general  orders,  he  discharged  a  tempest  of  vet- 
eran, soldier-like  oaths,  and  dunder  and  blixums, 
—  swore  he  would  break  any  man's  head  who 
attempted  to  meddle  with  his  tail,  —  queued  it 
stiffer  than  ever,  and  whisked  it  about  the  garri- 
son as  fiercely  as  the  tail  of  a  crocodile. 

The  eel-skin  queue  of  old  Keldermeester  be- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  359 

came  instantly  an  affair  of  the  utmost  importance. 
The  commander-in-chief  was  too  enlightened  an 
officer  not  to  perceive  that  the  discipline  of  the 
garrison,  the  subordination  and  good  order  of  the 
armies  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlands,  the  consequent 
safety  of  the  whole  province,  and  ultimately  the 
dignity  and  prosperity  of  their  High  Mightinesses 
the  Lords  States  General,  imperiously  demanded 
the  docking  of  that  stubborn  queue.  He  decreed, 
therefore,  that  old  Keldermeester  should  be  pub- 
licly shorn  of  his  glories  in  presence  of  the 
whole  garrison  ;  the  old  man  as  resolutely  stood 
on  the  defensive  ;  whereupon  he  was  arrested, 
and  tried  by  a  court-martial  for  mutiny,  deser- 
tion, and  all  the  other  list  of  offences  noticed  in 
the  articles  of  war,  ending  with  a  "  videlicet,  in 
wearing  an  eel-skin  queue,  three  feet  long,  con- 
trary to  orders."  Then  came  on  arraignments, 
and  trials,  and  pleadings  ;  and  the  Avhole  garrison 
was  in  a  ferment  about  this  unfortunate  queue. 
As  it  is  well  known  that  the  commander  of  a 
frontier  post  has  the  power  of  acting  pretty  much 
after  his  own  will,  there  is  little  doubt  but  that 
the  veteran  would  have  been  hanged  or  shot  at 
least,  had  he  not  luckily  fallen  ill  of  a  fever, 
through  mere  chagrin  and  mortification,  —  and 
deserted  from  all  earthly  command,  with  his  be- 
loved locks  unviolated.  His  obstinacy  remained 
unshaken  to  the  very  last  moment,  when  he 
directed  that  he  should  be  carried  to  his  grave 
with  his  eel-skin  queue  sticking  out  of  a  hole  in 
his  coffin. 

This  magnanimous  affair  obtained  the  general 


360  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

great  credit  as  a  disciplinarian  ;  but  it  is  hinted 
that  he  was  ever  afterwards  subject  to  bad 
dreams  and  fearful  visitations  in  the  night,  when 
the  grizzly  spectrum  of  old  Keldermeester  would 
stand  sentinel  by  his  bedside,  erect  as  a  pump, 
his  enormous  queue  strutting  out  like  the  handle. 


BOOK    VI. 

CONTAINING  THE  SECOND  PART  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER 
THE  HEADSTRONG,  AND  HIS  GALLANT  ACHIEVEMENTS 
ON  THE  DELAWARE. 


CHAPTER   I. 


ITHERTO,  most  venerable  and  courte- 
ous reader,  have  I  shown  thee  the  ad- 
ministration of  the  valorous  Stuyvesant, 
under  the  mild  moonshine  of  peace,  or  rather  the 
grim  tranquillity  of  awful  expectation ;  but  now 
the  war-drum  rumbles  from  afar,  the  brazen 
trumpet  brays  its  thrilling  note,  and  the  rude 
crash  of  hostile  arms  speaks  fearful  prophecies  of 
coming  troubles.  The  gallant  warrior  starts  from 
soft  repose,  from  golden  visions  and  voluptuous 
ease,  where  in  the  dulcet,  "  piping  time  of  peace  " 
he  sought  sweet  solace  after  all  his  toils.  No 
more  in  beauty's  siren  lap  reclined,  he  weaves 
fair  garlands  for  his  lady's  brows ;  no  more 


362  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

entwines  with  flowers  his  shining  sword,  nor 
through  the  livelong  iazy  summer's  day  chants 
forth  his  love-sick  soul  in  madrigals.  To  man- 
hood roused,  he  spurns  the  amorous  flute  ;  doffs 
from  his  brawny  back  the  robe  of  peace,  and 
clothes  his  pampered  limbs  in  panoply  of  steel. 
O'er  his  dark  brow,  where  late  the  myrtle  waved, 
where  wanton  roses  breathed  enervate  love,  he 
rears  the  beaming  casque  and  nodding  plume  ; 
grasps  the  bright  shield,  and  shakes  the  ponder- 
ous lance  ;  orx  mounts  with  eager  pride  his  fiery 
steed,  and  burns  for  deeds  of  glorious  chivalry ! 

But  soft,  worthy  reader !  I  would  not  have 
you  imagine  that  any  preux  chevalier,  thus  hide- 
ously begirt  with  iron,  existed  in  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam.  This  is  but  a  lofty  and  gigantic 
mode,  in  which  we  heroic  writers  always  talk  of 
war,  thereby  to  give  it  a  noble  and  imposing 
aspect,  —  equipping  our  warriors  with  bucklers, 
helms,  and  lances,  and  such  like  outlandish  and 
obsolete  weapons,  the  like  of  which  perchance 
they  had  never  seen  or  heard  of,  —  in  the  same 
manner  that  a  cunning  statuary  arrays  a  modern 
general  or  an  admiral  in  the  accoutrements  of  a 
Caesar  or  an  Alexander.  The  simple  truth,  then, 
of  all  this  oratorical  flourish  is  this,  that  the  val- 
iant Peter  Stuyvesant  all  of  a  sudden  found  it 
necessary  to  scour  his  rusty  blade,  which  too  long 
had  rusted  in  its  scabbard,  and  prepare  himself  to 
undergo  those  hardy  toils  of  war  in  which  his 
mighty  soul  so  much  delighted. 

Methinks  I  at  this  moment  behold  him  in  my 
imagination,  or,  rather,  I  behold  his  goodly  por- 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  363 

trait,  which  still  hangs  up  in  the  family  mansion 
of  the  Stuyvesants,  arrayed  in  all  the  terrors  of 
a  true  Dutch  general.  His  regimental  coat  of 
German  blue,  gorgeously  decorated  with  a  goodly 
show  of  large  brass  buttons,  reaching  from  his 
waistband  to  his  chin ;  the  voluminous  skirts 
turned  up  at  the  corners  and  separating  gallantly 
behind,  so  as  to  display  the  seat  of  a  sumptuous 
pair  of  brimstone  -  colored  trunk  -  breeches,  —  a 
graceful  style  still  prevalent  among  the  warriors 
of  our  day,  and  Avhich  is  in  conformity  to  the 
custom  of  ancient  heroes,  who  scorned  to  defend 
themselves  in  rear.  His  face  rendered  exceeding 
terrible  and  warlike  by  a  pair  of  black  musta- 
chios ;  -his  hair  strutting  out  on  each  side  in 
stiffly  pomatumed  ear-locks,  and  descending  in  a 
rat-tail  queue  below  his  waist ;  a  shining  stock 
of  black  leather  supporting  his  chin,  and  a  little 
but  fierce  cocked  hat,  stuck  with  a  gallant  and 
fiery  air  over  his  left  eye.  Such  was  the  chival- 
ric  port  of  Peter  the  Headstrong ;  and  when  he 
made  a  sudden  halt,  planted  himself  firmly  on 
his  solid  supporter,  with  his  wooden  leg,  inlaid 
with  silver,  a  little  in  advance,  in  order  to 
strengthen  his  position,  his  right  hand  grasping  a 
gold-headed  cane,  his  left  resting  upon  the  pum- 
mel of  his  sword,  his  head  dressing  spiritedly  to 
the  right,  with  a  most  appalling  and  hard-favored 
frown  upon  his  brow,  —  he  presented  altogether 
one  of  the  most  commanding,  bitter-looking,  and 
soldier-like  figures  that  ever  strutted  upon  can- 
vas. —  Proceed  we  now  to  inquire  the  cause  of 
this  warlike  preparation. 


364  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

In  the  preceding  chapter  we  have  spoken  of 
the  founding  of  Fort  Casimir,  and  of  the  merci- 
less warfare  waged  by  its  commander  upon  cab- 
bages, sunflowers,  and  pumpkins,  for  want  of  bet- 
ter occasion  to  flesh  his  sword.  Now  it  came  to 
pass,  that,  higher  up  the  Delaware,  at  his  strong- 
hold of  Tinnekonk,  resided  one  Jan  Printz,  who 
styled  himself  Governor  of  New  Sweden.  If 
history  belie  not  this  redoubtable  Swede,  he  was 
a  rival  worthy  of  the  windy  and  inflated  com- 
mander of  Fort  Casimir,  for  master  David  Pie- 
terzen  de  Vrie,  in  his  excellent  book  of  voyages, 
describes  him  as  "  weighing  upwards  of  four  hun- 
dred pounds,"  a  huge  feeder  and  bowser  in  pro- 
portion, taking  three  potations  pottle -deep  at 
every  meal.  He  had  a  garrison  after  his  own 
heart  at  Tinnekonk,  —  guzzling,  deep-drinking 
swashbucklers,  who  made  the  wild  woods  ring 
with  their  carousals. 

No  sooner  did  this  robustious  commander  hear 
of  the  erection  of  Fort  Casimir,  than  he  sent  a 
message  to  Van  Poffenburgh,  warning  him  off 
the  land,  as  being  within  the  bounds  of  his  juris- 
diction. 

To  this,  General  Van  Poffenburgh  replied  that 
the  land  belonged  to  their  High  Mightinesses, 
having  been  regularly  purcliased  of  the  natives, 
as  discoverers  from  the  Manhattoes,  as  witness 
the  breeches  of  their  land-measurer  Ten  Broeck. 

To  this  the  governor  rejoined  that  the  land 
had  previously  been  sold  by  the  Indians  to  the 
Swedes,  and  consequently  was  under  the  petti- 
coat government  of  her  Swedish  majesty,  Chris- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  365 

tina ;  and  woe  be  to  any  mortal  that  wore 
breeches  who  should  dare  to  meddle  even  with 
the  hem  of  her  sacred  garment. 

I  forbear  to  dilate  upon  the  war  of  words 
which  was  kept  up  for  some  time  by  these  windy 
commanders ;  Van  Poffenburgh,  however,  had 
served  under  William  the  Testy,  and  was  a  vet- 
eran in  this  kind  of  warfare.  Governor  Printz, 
finding  he  was  not  to  be  dislodged  by  these  long 
shots,  now  determined  upon  coming  to  closer 
quarters.  Accordingly,  he  descended  the  river 
in  great  force  and  fume,  and  erected  a  rival  for- 
tress just  one  Swedish  mile  below  Fort  Casimir, 
to  which  he  gave  the  name  of  Helsenburg. 

And  now  commenced  a  tremendous  rivalry  be- 
tween these  two  doughty  commanders,  striving  to 
out-strut  and  out-swell  each  other  like  a  couple 
of  belligerent  turkey-cocks.  There  was  a  con- 
test who  should  run  up  the  tallest  flag-staff  and 
display  the  broadest  flag ;  all  day  long  there  was 
a  furious  rolling  of  drums  and  twanging  of  trum- 
pets in  either  fortress,  and  whichever  had  the 
wind  in  its  favor  would  keep  up  a  continual  fir- 
ing of  cannon,  to  taunt  its  antagonist  with  the 
smell  of  gunpowder. 

On  all  these  points  of  windy  warfare  the  an- 
tagonists were  well  matched ;  but  so  it  happened, 
that,  the  Swedish  fortress  being  lower  down  the 
river,  all  the  Dutch  vessels  bound  to  Fort  Casi- 
mir with  supplies  had  to  pass  it.  Governor 
Printz  at  once  took  advantage  of  this  circum- 
stance, and  compelled  them  to  lower  their  flags 
as  they  passed  under  the  guns  of  his  battery. 


366  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

This  was  a  deadly  wound  to  the  Dutch  pride 
of  General  Van  Poffenburgh,  and  sorely  would 
he  swell  when  from  the  ramparts  of  Fort  Casi- 
mir  he  beheld  the  flag  of  their  High  Mightinesses 
struck  to  the  rival  fortress.  To  heighten  his 
vexation,  Governor  Printz,  who,  as  has  been 
shown,  was  a  huge  trencherman,  took  the  liberty 
of  having  the  first  rummage  of  every  Dutch 
merchant-ship,  and  securing  to  himself  and  his 
guzzling  garrison  all  the  little  round  Dutch 
cheeses,  all  the  Dutch  herrings,  the  gingerbread, 
the  sweetmeats,  the  curious  stone  jugs  of  gin,  and 
all  the  other  Dutch  luxuries,  on  their  way  for  the 
solace  of  Fort  Casimir.  It  is  possible  he  may 
have  paid  to  the  Dutch  skippers  the  full  value  of 
their  commodities  ;  but  what  consolation  was  this 
to  Jacobus  Van  Poffenburgh  and  his  garrison,  who 
thus  found  their  favorite  supplies  cut  off,  and  di- 
verted into  the  larders  of  the  hostile  camp  ?  For 
some  time  this  war  of  the  cupboard  was  carried 
on  to  the  great  festivity  and  jollification  of  the 
Swedes,  while  the  warriors  of  Fort  Casimir  found 
their  hearts,  or  rather  thejr  stomachs,  daily  fail- 
ing them.  At  length  the  summer  heats  and 
summer  showers  set  in,  and  now,  lo  and  behold, 
a  great  miracle  was  wrought  for  the  relief  of  the 
Nederlands,  not  a  little  resembling  one  of  the 
plagues  of  Egypt ;  for  it  came  to  pass  that  a 
great  cloud  of  mosquitoes  arose  out  of  the  marshy 
borders  of  the  river  and  settled  upon  the  fortress 
of  Helsenburg,  being,  doubtless,  attracted  by  the 
scent  of  the  fresh  blood  of  these  Swedish  gor- 
mandizers. Nay,  it  is  said  that  the  body  of  Jan 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  367 

Printz  alone,  which  was  as  big  "and  as  full  of 
blood  as  that  of  a  prize-ox,  was  sufficient  to 
attract  the  mosquitoes  from  every  part  of  the 
country.  For  some  time  the  garrison  endeavored 
to  hold  out,  but  it  was  all  in  vain ;  the  mosqui- 
toes penetrated  into  every  chink  and  crevice,  and 
gave  them  no  rest  day  nor  night ;  and  as  to  Gov- 
ernor Jan  Printz,  he  moved  about  as  in  a  cloud, 
with  mosquito  music  in  his  ears,  and  mosquito 
stings  to  the  very  end  of  his  nose.  Finally  the 
garrison  was  fairly  driven  out  of  the  fortress,  and 
obliged  to  retreat  to  Tinnekonk  ;  nay,  it  is  said 
that  the  mosquitoes  followed  Jan  Printz  even 
thither,  and  absolutely  drove  him  out  of  the  coun- 
try ;  certain  it  is,  he  embarked  for  Sweden 
shortly  afterwards,  and  Jan  Claudius  Risingh 
was  sent  to  govern  New  Sweden  in  his  stead. 
Such  was  the  famous  mosquito  Avar  on  the  Del- 
aware, of  which  General  Van  Poffenburgh  would 
fain  have  been  the  hero ;  but  the  devout  people 
of  the  Niemv  Nederlands  always  ascribed  the 
discomfiture  of  the  Swedes  to  the  miraculous  in- 
tervention of  St.  Nicholas.  As  to  the  fortress 
of  Helsenburg,  it  fell  to  ruin ;  but  the  story  of 
its  strange  destruction  was  perpetuated  by  the 
Swedish  name  of  Myggen-borg,  that  is  to  say, 
Mosquito  Castle.1 

1  Acreliiis's  History  N.  Sweden.  For  some  notice  of  this 
miraculous  discomfiture  of  the  Swedes,  see  N.  Y.  His.  Col., 
new  series,  Vol.  I.  p.  412. 


368  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER  H. 


[AN  CLAUDIUS  RISINGH,  who  suc- 
ceeded to  the  command  of  New  Swe- 
den, looms  largely  in  ancient  records  as 
a  gigantic  Swede,  who,  had  he  not  been  rather 
knock-kneed  and  splay-footed,  might  have  served 
for  the  model  of  a  Samson  or  a  Hercules.  He 
was  no  less  rapacious  than  mighty,  and,  withal,  as 
crafty  as  he  was  rapacious ;  so  that  there  is  very 
little  doubt  that,  had  he  lived  some  four  or  five 
centuries  since,  he  would  have  figured  as  one  of 
those  wicked  giants  who  took  a  cruel  pleasure 
in  pocketing  beautiful  princesses  and  distressed 
damsels,  when  gadding  about  the  world,  and  lock- 
ing them  up  in  enchanted  castles,  without  a  toilet, 
-a  change  of  linen,  or  any  other  convenience.  In 
consequence  of  which  enormities  they  fell  under 
the  high  displeasure  of  chivalry,  and  all  true, 
loyal,  and  gallant  knights  were  instructed  to  at- 
tack and  slay  outright  any  miscreant  they  might 
happen  to  find  above  six  feet  high ;  which  is 
doubtless  one  reason  why  the  race  of  large  men 
is  nearly  extinct,  and  the  generations  of  latter 
ages  are  so  exceedingly  small. 

Governor  Risingh,  notwithstanding  his  giantly 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  369 

condition,  was,  as  I  have  hinted,  a  man  of  craft. 
He  was  not  a  man  to  ruffle  the  vanity  of  Gen- 
eral Van  Poffenburgh,  or  to  rub  his  self-conceit 
against  the  grain.  On  the  contrary,  as  he  sailed 
up  the  Delaware,  he  paused  before  Fort  Casimir, 
displayed  his  flag,  and  fired  a  royal  salute  before 
dropping  anchor.  The  salute  would  doubtless 
have  been  returned,  had  not  the  guns  been  dis- 
mounted ;  as  it  was,  a  veteran  sentinel,  who  had 
been  napping  at  his  post,  and  had  suffered  his 
match  to  go  out,  returned  the  compliment  by  dis- 
charging his  musket  with  the  spark  of  a  pipe 
borrowed  from  a  comrade.  Governor  Risingh 
accepted  this  as  a  courteous  reply,  and  treated 
the  fortress  to  a  second  salute,  well  knowing  its 
commander  was  apt  to  be  marvellously  delighted 
Avith  these  little  ceremonials,  considering  them 
so  many  acts  of  homage  paid  to  his  greatness. 
He  then  prepared  to  land  with  a  military  retinue 
of  thirty  men,  a  prodigious  pageant  in  the  wil- 
derness. 

And  now  took  place  a  terrible  rummage  and 
racket  in  Fort  Casimir,  to  receive  such  a  visitor 
in  proper  style,  and  to  make  an  imposing  appear- 
ance. The  main  guard  was  turned  out  as  soon 
as  possible,  equipped  to  the  best  advantage  in 
the  few  suits  of  regimentals,  which  had  to  do 
duty  by  turns  with  the  whole  garrison.  One  tall, 
lank  fellow  appeared  in  a  little  man's  coat,  with 
the  buttons  between  his  shoulders ;  the  skirts 
scarce  covering  his  bottom;  his  hands  hanging 
like  spades  out  of  the  sleeves ;  and  the  coat 
linked  in  front  by  worsted  loops  made  out  of  a 


370  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

pair  of  red  garters.  Another  had  a  cocked  hat 
stuck  on  the  back  of  his  head,  and  decorated 
with  a  bunch  of  cock's  tails ;  a  third  had  a  pair 
of  .rusty  gaiters  hanging  about  his  heels ;  while 
a  fourth,  a  little  duck-legged  fellow,  was  equipped 
in  a  pair  of  the  general's  cast-off  breeches,  which 
he  held  up  with  one  hand  while  he  grasped  his 
firelock  with  the  other.  The  rest  were  accou- 
tred in  similar  style,  except  three  ragamuffins 
without  shirts,  and  with  but  a  pair  and  a  half 
of  breeches  between  them ;  wherefore  they  were 
sent  to  the  black  hole,  to  keep  them  out  of  sight, 
that  they  might  not  disgrace  the  fortress. 

His  men  being  thus  gallantly  arrayed,  —  those 
who  lacked  muskets  shouldering  spades  and  pick- 
axes, and  every  man  being  ordered  to  tuck  in  his 
shirt-tail  and  pull  up  his  brogues,  —  General 
Van  Poffenburgh  first  took  a  sturdy  draught  of 
foaming  ale,  which,  like  the  magnanimous  More 
of  More-hall,1  was  his  invariable  practice  on  all 
great  occasions ;  this  done,  he  put  himself  at 
their  head,  and  issued  forth  from  his  castle,  like 
a  mighty  giant,  just  refreshed  with  wine.  But 
when  the  two  heroes  met,  then  began  a  scene  of 
warlike  parade  that  beggars  all  description.  The 
shrewd  Risingh,  who  had  grown  gray  much 
before  his  time  in  consequence  of  his  craftiness, 
saw  at  one  glance  the  ruling  passion  of  the  great 
Van  Poffenburgh,  and  humored  him  in  all  his 
valorous  fantasies. 


i  as  he  rose, 
To  make  him  strong  and  might}', 
He  drank  by  the  tale,  six  pots  of  ale, 
And  a  quart  of  aqua  vitse." 

Dragon  of  Wantley. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  371 

Their  detachments  were  accordingly  drawn  up 
in  front  of  each  other ;  they  carried  arms  and 
they  presented  arms ;  they  gave  the  standing 
salute  and  the  passing  salute;  they  rolled  their 
drums,  they  "flourished  their  fifes,  and  they  waved 
their  colors ;  they  faced  to  the  left,  and  they 
faced  to  the  right,  and  they  faced  to  the  right- 
about ;  they  wheeled  forward,  and  they  wheeled 
backward,  and  they  wheeled  into  echeUon  ;  they 
marched  and  they  countermarched,  by  grand  di- 
visions, by  single  divisions,  and  by  subdivisions ; 
by  platoons,  by  sections,  and  by  files ;  in  quick 
time,  in  slow  time, "and  in  no  time  at  all;  for, 
having  gone  through  all  the  evolutions  of  two 
great  armies,  including  the  eighteen  manoeuvres 
of  Dundas ;  having  exhausted  all  they  could  rec- 
ollect or  imagine  of  military  tactics,  including 
sundry  strange  and  irregular  evolutions,  the  like 
of  which  were  never  seen  before  nor  since,  ex- 
cepting among  certain  of  our  newly  raised  mili- 
tia, —  the  two  commanders  and*  their  respective 
troops  came  at  length  to  a  dead  halt,  completely 
exhausted  by  the  toils  of  war.  Never  did  two 
valiant  train-band  captains,  or  two  buskined  the- 
atric heroes,  in  the  renowned  tragedies  of  Pizarro, 
Tom  Thumb,  or  any  other  heroical  and  fighting 
tragedy,  marshal  their  gallows -looking,  duck- 
legged,  heavy-heeled  myrmidons  with  more  glory 
and  self-admiration. 

These  military  compliments  being  finished, 
General  Van  Poffenburgh  escorted  his  illustrious 
visitor,  witli  great  ceremony,  into  the  Fort ;  at- 
tended him  throughout  the  fortifications  ;  showed 


372  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

him  the  horn-works,  crown-works,  half -moons, 
and  various  other  outworks,  or  rather  the  places 
where  they  ought  to  be  erected,  and  where  they 
might  be  erected  if  he  pleased ;  plainly  demon- 
strating that  it  was  a  place  of  "  great  capability," 
and  though  at  present  but  a  little  redoubt,  yet 
that  it  was  evidently  a  formidable  fortress,  in 
embryo.  This  survey  over,  he  next  had  the 
whole  garrison  put  under  arms,  exercised,  and 
reviewed ;  and  concluded  by  ordering  the  three 
bridewell  birds  to  be  hauled  out  of  the  black 
hole,  brought  up  to  the  halberds,  and  soundly 
flogged,  for  the  amusement  of  his  visitor,  and  to 
convince  him  that  he  was  a  great  disciplinarian. 

The  cunning  Risingh,  while  he  pretended  to 
be  struck  dumb  outright  with  the  puissance  of 
the  great  Van  Poffenburgh,  took  silent  note  of 
the  incompetency  of  his  garrison,  —  of  which  he 
gave  a  wink  to  his  trusty  followers,  who  tipped 
each  other  the  wink,  and  laughed  most  obstreper- 
ously —  in  their  sleeves. 

The  inspection,  review,  and  flogging  being 
concluded,  the  party  adjourned  to  the  table ;  for 
among  his  other  great  qualities,  the  general  was 
remarkably  addicted  to  huge  carousals,  and  in 
one  afternoon's  campaign  would  leave  more  dead 
men  on  the  field  than  he  ever  did  in  the  whole 
course  of  his  military  career.  Many  bulletins 
of  these  bloodless  victories  do  still  remain  on 
record ;  and  the  whole  province  was  once  thrown 
in  amaze  by  the  return  of  one  of  his  campaigns, 
wherein  it  was  stated,  that,  though,  like  Captain 
Bobadil,  he  had  only  twenty  men  to  back  him. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  373 

yet  in  the  short  space  of  six  months  he  had  con- 
quered and  utterly  annihilated  sixty  oxen,  ninety 
hogs,  one  hundred  sheep,  ten  thousand  cabbages, 
one  thousand  bushels  of  potatoes,  one  hundred 
and  fifty  kilderkins  of  small  beer,  two  thousand 
seven  hundred  and  thirty-five  pipes,  seventy-eight 
pounds  of  sugar-plums,  and  forty  bars  of  iron, 
besides  sundry  small  meats,  game,  poultry,  and 
garden-stuff:  —  an  achievement  unparalleled  since 
the  days  of  Pantagruel  and  his  all-devouring 
army,  and  which  showed  that  it  was  only  neces- 
sary to  let  Van  Poffenburgh  and  his  garrison 
loose  in  an  enemy's  country,  and  in  a  little  while 
they  would  breed  a  famine,  and  starve  all  the 
inhabitants. 

No  sooner,  therefore,  had  the  general  received 
intimation  of  the  visit  of  Governor  Risingh,  than 
he  ordered  a  great  dinner  to  be  prepared,  and 
privately  sent  out  a  detachment  of  his  most  ex- 
perienced veterans,  to  rob  all  the  hen-roosts  in 
the  neighborhood,  and  lay  the  pig-sties  under 
contribution,  —  a  service  which  they  discharged 
with  such  zealm  and  promptitude,  that  the  gar- 
rison-table groaned  under  the  weight  of  their 
spoils.  - 

I  wish,  with  all  my  heart,  my  readers  could 
see  the  valiant  Van  Poffenburgh,  as  he  presided 
at  the  head  of  the  banquet ;  it  was  a  sight  worth 
beholding  :  —  there  he  sat,  in  his  greatest  glory, 
surrounded  by  his  soldiers,  like  that  famous  wine- 
bibber,  Alexander,  whose  thirsty  virtues  he  did 
most  ably  imitate,  —  telling  astonishing  stories 
of  his  hair-breadth  adventures  and  heroic  ex- 


374  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

ploits ;  at  which,  though  all  his  auditors  knew 
them  to  be  incontinent  lies  and  outrageous  gas- 
conadoes,  yet  did  they  cast  up  their  eyes  in 
admiration,  and  utter  many  interjections  of  aston- 
ishment. Nor  could  the  general  pronounce  any- 
thing that  bore  the  remotest  resemblance  to  a 
joke,  but  the  stout  Risingh  would  strike  his 
brawny  fist  upon  the  table  till  every  glass  rattled 
again,  throw  himself  back  in  the  chair,  utter 
gigantic  peals  of  laughter,  and  swear  most  horri- 
bly it  was  the  best  joke  he  ever  heard  in  his  life. 
Thus  all  was  rout  and  revelry  and  hideous  ca- 
rousal within  Fort  Casimir  ;  and  so  lustily  did 
Van  PofFenburgh  ply  the  bottle,  that  in  less  than 
four  short  hours  he  made  himself  and  his  whole 
garrison,  who  all  sedulously  emulated  the  deeds 
of  their  chieftain,  dead  drunk,  with  singmg  songs, 
quaffing  bumpers,  and  drinking  patriotic  toasts, 
none  of  which  but  was  as  long  as  a  Welsh  pedi- 
gree or  a  plea  in  chancery. 

No  sooner  did  things  come  to  this  pass,  than 
Risingh  and  his  Swedes,  who  had  cunningly  kept 
themselves  sober,  rose  on  their  entertainers,  tied 
them  neck  and  heels,  and  took  formal  possession 
of  the  fort,  and  all  its  dependencies,  in  the  name 
of  Queen  Christina  of  Sweden,  administering  at 
the  same  time  an  oath  of  allegiance  to  all  the 
Dutch  soldiers  who  could  be  made  sober  enough 
to  swallow  it.  Risingh  then  put  the  fortification 
in  order,  appointed  his  discreet  and  vigilant  friend 
Suen  Schiite,  otherwise  called  Skytte,  a  tall, 
wind-dried,  water-drinking  Swede,  to  the  com- 
mand, and  departed,  bearing  with  him  this  truly 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  375 

amiable  garrison  and  its  puissant  commander, 
who,  when  brought  to  himself  by  a  sound  drub- 
bing, bore  no  little  resemblance  to  a  "  deboshed 
fish,"  or  bloated  sea-monster,  caught  upon  dry 
land. 

The  transportation  of  the  garrison  was  done 
to  prevent  the  transmission  of  intelligence  to 
New  Amsterdam  ;  for  much  as  the  cunning  Ris- 
ingh  exulted  in  his  stratagem,  yet  did  he  dread 
the  vengeance  of  the  sturdy  Peter  Stuyvesant, 
whose  name  spread  as  much  terror  in  the  neigh- 
borhood as  did  whilom  that  of  the  unconquera- 
ble Scanderbeg  among  his  scurvy  enemies  the 
Turks. 


376  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER  HI. 

SHOWING  HOW  PROFOUND  SECRETS  ARE  OFTEN  BROUGHT  TO  LIGHT  J  WITH 
THE  PROCEEDINGS  OP  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  WHEN  HE  HEARD  OP 
THE  MISFORTUNES  OF  GENERAL  VAN  POFFENBURGH. 

JHOEVER  first  described  common  fame, 
or  rumor,  as  belonging  to  the  sager  sex, 
was  a  very  owl  for  shrewdness.  She 
has  in  truth  certain  feminine  qualities  to  an 
astonishing  degree,  particularly  that  benevolent 
anxiety  to  take  care  of  the  affairs  of  others, 
which  keeps  her  continually  hunting  after  secrets, 
and  gadding  about  proclaiming  them.  Whatever 
is  done  openly  and  in  the  face  of  the  world,  she 
takes  but  transient  notice  of;  but  whenever  a 
transaction  is  done  in  a  corner,  and  attempted  to 
be  shrouded  in  mystery,  then  her  goddess-ship  is 
at  her  wit's  end  to  find  it  out,  and  takes  a  most 
mischievous  and  lady-like  pleasure  in  publishing 
it  to  the  world. 

It  is  this  truly  feminine  propensity  which  in- 
duces her  continually  to  be  prying  into  the  cab- 
inets of  princes,  listening  at  the  key-holes  of 
senate  -  chambers,  and  peering  through  chinks 
and  crannies,  when  our  worthy  Congress  are 
sitting  with  closed  doors,  deliberating  between 
a  dozen  excellent  modes  of  ruining  the  nation. 
It  is  this  which  makes  her  so  baneful  to  all 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  377 

wary  statesmen  and  intriguing  commanders,— 
such  a  stumbling-block  to  private  negotiations  and 
secret  expeditions,  —  betraying  them  by  means 
and  instruments  which  never  would  have  been 
thought  of  by  any  but  a  female  head. 

Thus  it  was  in  the  case  of  the  affair  of  Fort 
Casimir.  No  doubt  the  cunning  Risingh  imag- 
ined, that,  by  securing  the  garrison,  he  should  for 
a  long  time  prevent  the  history  of  its  fate  from 
reaching  the  ears  of  the  gallant  Stuyvesant ;  but 
his  exploit  was  blown  to  the  world  when  he  least 
expected,  and  by  one  of  the  last  beings  he  would 
ever  have  suspected  of  enlisting  as  trumpeter  to 
the  wide-mouthed  deity. 

This  was  one  Dirk  Schuiler  (or  Skulker),  a 
kind  of  hanger-on  to  the  garrison,  who  seemed  to 
belong  to  nobody,  and  in  a  manner  to  be  self-out- 
lawed. He  was  one  of  those  vagabond  cosmopo- 
lites who  shark  about  the  world  as  if  they  had 
no  right  or  business  in  it,  and  who  infest  the 
skirts  of  society  like  poachers  and  interlopers. 
Every  garrison  and  country  village  has  one  or 
more  scape-goats  of  this  kind,  whose  life  is  a 
kind  of  enigma,  whose  existence  is  without  mo- 
tive, who  comes  from  the  Lord  knows  where, 
who  lives  the  Lord  knows  how,  and  Avho  seems 
created  for  no  other  earthly  purpose  but  to  keep 
up  the  ancient  and  honorable  order  of  idleness. 
This  vagrant  philosopher  was  supposed  to  have 
some  Indian  blood  in  his  veins,  which  was  mani- 
fested by  a  certain  Indian  complexion  and  cast 
of  countenance,  but  more  especially  by  his  pro- 
pensities and  habits.  He  was  a  tall,  lank  fellow 


378  BISTORT  OF  NEW   YORK. 

swift  of  foot,  and  long-winded.  He  was  gen- 
erally equipped  in  a  half  Indian  dress,  with  belt, 
leggings,  and  moccasons.  His  hair  hung  in 
straight  gallows-locks  about  his  ears,  and  added 
not  a  little  to  his  sharking  demeanor.  It  is  an 
old  remark,  that  persons  of  Indian  mixture  are 
half  civilized,  half  savage,  and  half  devil,  —  a 
third  half  being  provided  for  their  particular 
convenience.  It  is  for  similar  reasons,  and  prob- 
ably with  equal  truth,  that  the  backwoodsmen 
of  Kentucky  are  styled  half  man,  half  horse, 
and  half  alligator,  by  the  settlers  on  the  Missis- 
sippi, and  held  accordingly  in  great  respect  and 
abhorrence. 

The  above  character  may  have  presented  itself 
to  the  garrison  as  applicable  to  Dirk  Schuiler, 
whom  they  familiarly  dubbed  Gallows  Dirk. 
Certain  it  is,  he  acknowledged  allegiance  to  no 
one,  —  was  an  utter  enemy  to  work,  holding  it 
in  no  manner  of  estimation,  —  but  lounging  about 
the  fort,  depending  upon  chance  for  a  subsistence, 
getting  drunk  whenever  he  could  get  liquor,  and 
stealing  whatever  he  could  lay  his  hands  011. 
Every  day  or  two  he  was  sure  to  get  a  sound 
rib-roasting  for  some  of  his  misdemeanors,  which, 
however,  as  it  broke  no  bones,  he  made  very 
light  of,  and  scrupled  not  to  repeat  the  offence 
whenever  another  opportunity  presented.  Some- 
times, in  consequence  of  some  flagrant  villany,  he 
would  abscond  from  the  garrison,  and  be  absent 
for  a  month  at  a  time,  skulking  about  the  woods 
and  swamps,  with  a  long  fowling-piece  on  his 
shoulder,  lying  in  ambush  for  game,  —  or  squat- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW    YORK.  379 

ting  himself  down  on  the  edge  of  a  pond,  catch- 
ing fish  for  hours  together,  and  bearing  no  little 
resemblance  to  that  notable  bird  of  the  crane 
family,  ycleped  the  Mudpoke.  When  he  thought 
his  crimes  had  been  forgotten  or  forgiven,  he 
would  sneak  back  to  the  fort  with  a  bundle  of 
skins,  or  a  load  of  poultry,  which,  perchance,  he 
had  stolen,  and  would  exchange  them  for  liquor, 
with  which  having  well  soaked  his  carcass,  he 
would  lie  in  the  sun  and  enjoy  all  the  luxurious 
indolence  of  that  swinish  philosopher  Diogenes. 
He  was  the  terror  of  all  the  farm- yards  in  the 
country  into  which  he  made  fearful  inroads ;  and 
sometimes  he  would  make  his  sudden  appearance 
in  the  garrison  at  daybreak,  with  the  whole 
neighborhood  at  his  heels,  —  like  the  scoundrel 
thief  of  a  fox,  detected  in  his  'maraudings  and 
hunted  to  his  hole.  Such  was  this  Dirk  Schui- 
ler  ;  and  from  the  total  indifference  he  showed  to 
the  world  and  its  concerns,  and  from  his  truly 
Indian  stoicism  and  taciturnity,  no  one  would 
ever  have  dreamt  that  he  would  have  been  the 
publisher  of  the  treachery  of  Risiugh. 

When  the  carousal  was  going  on,  which  proved 
so  fatal  to  the  brave  Poffenburgh  and  his  watch- 
ful garrison,  Dirk  skulked  about  from  room  to 
room,  being  a  kind  of  privileged  vagrant,  or  use- 
less hound,  whom  nobody  noticed.  But  though 
a  fellow  of  few  words,  yet,  like  your  taciturn 
people,  his  eyes  and  ears  were  always  open,  and 
in  the  course  of  his  prowling*  he  overheard  .the 
whole  plot  of  the  Swedes.  Dirk  immediately 
settled  in  his  own  mind  how  he  should  turn  the 


380  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

matter  to  his  own  advantage.  He  played  the 
perfect  jack-of-both-sides,  that  is  to  say,  he  made 
a  prize  of  everything  that  came  in  his  reach, 
robbed  both  parties,  stuck  the  copper-bound  cocked 
hat  of  the  puissant  Van  Poffenburgh  on  his  head, 
whipped  a  huge  pair  of  Risingh's  jack-boofs 
under  his  arms,  and  took  to  his  heels  just  before 
the  catastrophe  and  confusion  at  the  garrison. 

Finding  himself  completely  dislodged  from  his 
haunt  in  this  quarter,  he  directed  his  flight  to- 
wards his  native  place,  New  Amsterdam,  whence 
he  had  formerly  been  obliged  to  abscond  precip- 
itately, in  consequence  of  misfortune  in  busi- 
ness, —  that  is  to  say,  having  been  detected  in 
the  act  of  sheep-stealing.  After  wandering  many 
days  in  the  woods,  toiling  through  swamps,  ford- 
ing brooks,  swimming  various  rivers,  and  encoun- 
tering a  world  of  hardships  that  would  have 
killed  any  other  being  but  an  Indian,  a  back- 
woodsman, or  the  devil,  he  at  length  arrived,  half 
famished,  and  lank  as  a  starved  weasel,  at  Com- 
munipaw,  where  he  stole  a  canoe,  and  paddled 
over  to  New  Amsterdam.  Immediately  on  land- 
ing, he  repaired  to  Governor  Stuyvesant,  and,  in 
more  words  than  he  had  ever  spoken  before  in 
the  whole  course  of  his  life,  gave  an  account  of 
the  disastrous  affair. 

On  receiving  these  direful  tidings,  the  valiant 
Peter  started  from  his  seat,  dashed  the  pipe  he 
was  smoking  against  the  back  of  the  chimney, 
thrust  a  prodigious  quid  of  tobacco  into  his  left 
cheek,  pulled  up  his  galligaskins,  and  strode  up 
and  down  the  room,  humming,  as  was  customary 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  381 

with  him  when  in  a  passion,  a  hideous  northwest 
ditty.  But,  as  I  have  before  shown,  he  was  not 
a,  man  to  vent  his  spleen  in  idle  vaporing.  His 
first  measure,  after  the  paroxysm  of  wrath  had 
subsided,  was  to  stump  up-stairs  to  a  huge  wooden 
chest,  which  served  as  his  armory,  from  whence 
he  drew  forth  that  identical  suit  of  regimentals 
described  in  the  preceding  chapter.  In  these 
portentous  habiliments  he*  arrayed  himself  like 
Achilles  in  the  armor  of  Vulcan,  maintaining  all 
the  while  an  appalling  silence,  knitting  his  brows, 
and  drawing  his  breath  through  his  clenched 
teeth.  Being  hastily  equipped,  he  strode  down 
into  the  parlor  and  jerked  down  his  trusty  sword 
from  over  the  fireplace,  where  it  was  usually  sus- 
pended ;  but  before  he  girded  it  on  his  thigh,  he 
drew  it  from  its  scabbard,  and  as  his  eye  coursed 
along  the  rusty  blade,  a  grim  smile  stole  over  his 
iron  visage ;  it  was  the  first  smile  that  had 
visited  his  countenance  for  five  long  weeks ;  but 
every  one  who  beheld  it  prophesied  that  there 
would  soon  be  warm  work  in  the  province  ! 

Thus  armed  at  all  points,  with  grisly  war  de- 
picted in  each  feature,  his  very  cocked  hat  assum- 
ing an  air  of  uncommon  defiance,  he  instantly 
put  himself  upon  the  alert,  and  despatched  Anto- 
ny Van  Corlear  hither  and  thither,  tliis  way  and 
that  way,  through  all  the  muddy  streets  and 
crooked  lanes  of  the  city,  summoning  by  sound 
of  trumpet  his  trusty  peers  to  assemble  in  instant 
council.  This  done,  by  way  of  expediting  mat- 
ters, according  to  the  custom  of  people  in  a 
hurry,  he  kept  in  continual  bustle,  shifting  from 


382  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

chair  to  chair,  popping  his  head  out  of  every 
window,  and  stumping  up  and  down  stairs  with 
his  wooden  leg  in  such  brisk  and  incessant  mo- 
tion, that,  as  we  are  informed  by  an  authentic 
historian  of  the  times,  the  continual  clatter  bore 
no  small  resemblance  to  the  music  of  a  cooper 
hooping  a  flour-barrel. 

A  summons  so  peremptory,  and  from  a  man 
of  the  governor's  mettle,  was  not  to  be  trifled 
with:  the  sages  forthwith  repaired  to  the  council- 
chamber,  seated  themselves  with  the  utmost  tran- 
quillity, and,  lighting  their  long  pipes,  gazed  with 
unruffled  composure  on  his  Excellency  and  his 
regimentals,  —  being,  as  all  counsellors  should  be, 
not  easily  flustered,  nor  taken  by  surprise.  The 
governor,  looking  around  for  a  moment  with  a 
lofty  and  soldier-like  air,  and  resting  one  hand  on 
the  pommel  of  his  sword,  and  flinging  the  other 
forth  in  a  free  and  spirited  manner,  addressed 
them  in  a  short  but  soul-stirring  harangue. 

I  am  extremely  sorry  that  I  have  not  the  ad- 
vantages of  Livy,  Thucydides,  Plutarch,  and  others 
of  my  predecessors,  who  were  furnished,  as  I  am 
told,  with  the  speeches  of  all  their  heroes,  taken 
down  in  short-hand  by  the  most  accurate  stenog- 
raphers of  the  time,  —  whereby  they  were  en- 
abled wonderfully  to  enrich  their  histories,  and 
delight  their  readers  with  sublime  strains  of  elo- 
quence. Not  having  such  important  auxiliaries, 
I  cannot  possibly  pronounce  what  was  the  tenor 
of  Governor  Stuyvesant's  speech.  I  am  bold, 
however,  to  say,  from  the  tenor  of  his  character, 
that  he  did  not  wrap  his  rugged  subject  in  silks 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  383 

and  ermines,  and  other  sickly  trickeries  of  phrase, 
but  spoke  forth  like  a  man  of  nerve  and  vigor, 
who  scorned  to  shrink  in  words  from  those  dan- 
gers which  he  stood  ready  to  encounter  in  very 
deed.  This  much  is  certain,  that  he  concluded 
by  announcing  his  determination  to  lead  on  his 
troops  in  person,  and  rout  these  costard-monger 
Swedes  from  their  usurped  quarters  at  Fort  Cas- 
imir.  To  this  hardy  resolution,  such  of  liis  coun- 
cil as  were  awake  gave  their  usual  signal  of  con- 
currence ;  and  as  to  the  rest,  who  had  fallen  asleep 
about  the  middle  of  the  harangue  (their  "  usual 
custom  in  the  afternoon "),  they  made  not  the 
least  objection. 

And  now  was  seen  in  the  fair  city  of  New 
Amsterdam  a  prodigious  bustle  and  preparation 
for  iron  war.  Recruiting  parties  marched  hither 
and  thither,  calling  lustily  upon  all  the  scrubs, 
the  runagates,  and  tatterdemalions  of  the  Man- 
hattoes  and  its  vicinity,  who  had  any  ambition 
of  sixpence  a  day,  and  immortal  fame  into  the 
bargain,  to  enlist  in  the  cause  of  glory :  —  for 
I  would  have  you  note  that  your  warlike  heroes 
who  trudge  in  the  rear  of  conquerors  are  gener- 
ally of  that  illustrious  class  of  gentlemen  who 
are  equal  candidates  for  the  army  or  the  bride- 
well, the  halberds  or  the  whipping-post,  —  for 
whom  dame  Fortune  has  cast  an  even  die, 
whether  they  shall  make  their  exit  by  the  sword 
or  the  halter,  and  whose  deaths  shall,  at  all 
events,  be  a  lofty  example  to  their  countrymen. 

But,  notwithstanding  all  this  martial  rout  and 
invitation,  the  ranks  of  honor  were  but  scantily 


384  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

supplied,  so  averse  were  the  peaceful  burghers  of 
New  Amsterdam  from  enlisting  in  foreign  broils, 
or  stirring  beyond  that  home  which  rounded  all 
their  earthly  ideas.  Upon  beholding  this,  the 
great  Peter,  whose  noble  heart  was  all  on  fire 
with  war  and  sweet  revenge,  determined  to  wait 
no  longer  for  the  tardy  assistance  of  these  oily 
citizens,  but  to  muster  up  his  merry  men  of  the 
Hudson,  who,  brought  up  among  woods,  and 
wilds,  and  savage  beasts,  like  our  yeomen  of  Ken- 
tucky, delighted  in  nothing  so  much  as  desperate 
adventures  and  perilous  expeditions  thi-ough  the 
wilderness.  Thus  resolving,  he  ordered  his  trus- 
ty squire  Antony  Van  Corlear  to  have  his  state 
galley  prepared  and  duly  victualled ;  which  being 
performed,  he  attended  public  service  at  the  great 
church  of  St.  Nicholas,  like  a  true  and  pious  gov- 
ernor ;  and  then  leaving  peremptory  orders  with 
his  council  to  have  the  chivalry  of  the  Manhat- 
toes  marshalled  out  and  appointed  against  his  re- 
turn, departed  upon  his  recruiting  voyage  up  the 
waters  of  the  Hudson. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  385 


CHAPTER   IV. 

CONTAINING   PETER    STUYVESANT'S    VOTAOE    UP    THE  HUDSON,    AND    THE 

W  did  the  soft  breezes  of  the  south 
steal  sweetly  over  the  face  of  nature, 
tempering  the  punting  heats  of  summer 
into  genial  and  prolific  warmth ;  when  that  mira- 
cle of  hardihood  and  chivalric  virtue,  the  daunt- 
less Peter  Stuyvesant,  spread  his  canvas  to  the 
wind,  and  departed  from  the  fair  island  of  Man- 
na-hata.  The  galley  in  which  he  embarked  was 
sumptuously  adorned  with  pendants  and  stream- 
ers of  gorgeous  dyes,  which  fluttered  gayly  in 
the  wind,  or  drooped  their  ends  into  the  bosom 
of  the  stream.  The  bow  and  poop  of  this  majes- 
tic vessel  were  gallantly  bedight,  after  the  rarest 
Dutch  fashion,  with  tigures  of  little  pursy  Cupids 
with  periwigs  on  their  heads,  and  bearing  in  their 
hands  garlands  of  flowers,  the  like  of  which  are 
not  to  be  found  in  any  book  of  botany,  being 
the  matchless  flowers  which  flourished  in  the 
golden  age,  and  exist  no  longer,  unless  it  be  in 
the  imaginations  of  ingenious  carvers  of  wood 
and  discolorers  of  canvas. 

Thus   rarely  decorated,  in   style  befitting    the 
puissant    potentate   of   the    Manhattoes,  did    the 
galley  of  Peter    Stuyvesant   launch    forth    upon 
25 


386  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  bosom  of  the  lordly  Hudson,  which,  as  it 
rolled  its  broad  waves  to  the  ocean,  seemed  to 
pause  f6r  a  while  and  swell  with  pride,  as  if  con- 
scious of  the  illustrious  burden  it  sustained. 

But  trust  me,  gentlefolk,  far  other  was  the 
scene  presented  to  the  contemplation  of  the  crew 
from  that  which  may  be  witnessed  at  this  degen- 
erate day.  Wildness  and  savage  majesty  reigned 
on  the  borders  of  this  mighty  river;  the  hand 
of  cultivation  had  not  as  yet  laid  low  the  dark 
forest,  and  tamed  the  features  of  the  landscape; 
nor  had  the  frequent  sail  of  commerce  broken  in 
upon  the  profound  and  awful  solitude  of  ages. 
Here  and  there  might  be  seen  a  rude  wigwam 
perched  among  the  cliffs  of  the  mountains,  with 
its  curling  column  of  smoke  mounting  in  the 
transparent  atmosphere,  —  but  so  loftily  situated 
that  the  whoopings  of  the  savage  children,  gam- 
bolling on  the  margin  of  the  dizzy  heights,  fell 
almost  as  faintly  on  the  ear  as  do  the  notes  of 
the  lark  when  lost  in  the  azure  vault  of  heaven. 
Now  and  then,  from  the  beetling  brow  of  some 
precipice,  the  wild  deer  would  look  timidly  down 
upon  the  splendid  pageant  as  it  passed  below, 
and  then,  tossing  his  antlers  in  the  air,  would 
bound  away  into  the  thickest  of  the  forest. 

Through  such  scenes  did  the  stately  vessel  of 
Peter  Stuyvesant  pass.  Now  did  they  skirt  the 
bases  of  the  rocky  heights  of  Jersey,  which 
spring  up  like  everlasting  walls,  reaching  from 
the  waves  unto  the  heavens,  and  were  fashioned, 
if  tradition  may  be  believed,  in  times  long  past, 
by  the  mighty  spirit  Marietho,  to  protect  his 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  387 

favorite  abodes  from  the  unhallowed  eyes  of  mor- 
tals. Now  did  they  career  it  gayly  across  the 
vast  expanse  of  Tappan  Bay,  whose  wide-extend- 
ed shores  present  a  variety  of  delectable  scenery, 
—  here  the  bold  promontory,  crowned  with  em- 
bowering trees,  advancing  into  the  bay,  —  there 
the  long  woodland  slope,  sweeping  up  from  the 
shore  in  rich  luxuriance,  and  terminating  in  the 
upland  precipice,  —  while  at  a  distance  a  long 
waving  line  of  rocky  heights  threw  their  gigan- 
tic shades  across  the  water.  Now  would  they 
pass  where  some  modest  little  interval,  opening 
among  these  stupendous  scenes,  yet  retreating  as 
it  were  for  protection  into,  the  embraces  of  the 
neighboring  mountains,  displayed  a  rural  paradise, 
fraught  with  sweet  and  pastoral  beauties,  —  the 
velvet-tufted  lawn,  the  bushy  copse,  the  tink- 
ling rivulet,  stealing  through  the  fresh  and  vivid 
verdure,  on  whose  banks  was  situated  some  little 
Indian  village,  or,  peradventure,  the  rude  cabin 
of  some  solitary  hunter. 

The  different  periods  of  the  revolving  day 
seemed  each,  with  cunning  magic,  to  diffuse  a 
different  charm  over  the  scene.  Now  would  the 
jovial  sun  break  gloriously  from  the  east,  blazing 
from  the  summits  of  the  hills,  and  sparkling  the 
landscape  with  a  thousand  dewy  gems ;  while 
along  the  borders  of  the  river  were  seen  the 
heavy  masses  of  mist,  which,  like  midnight  cai- 
tiffs disturbed  at  his  approach,  made  a  sluggish 
retreat,  rolling  in  sullen  reluctance  up  the  moun- 
tains. At  such  times  all  was  brightness,  and 
life,  and  gayety,  —  the  atmosphere  was  of  an  in- 


388  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

describable  pureness  and  transparency, — the  birds 
broke  forth  in  wanton  madrigals,  and  the  freshen- 
ing breezes  wafted  the  vessel  merrily  on  her 
course.  But  when  the  sun  sunk  amid  a  flood  of 
glory  in  the  west,  mantling  the  heavens  and  the 
earth  with  a  thousand  gorgeous  dyes,  then  all 
was  calm,  and  silent,  and  magnificent.  The  late 
swelling  sail  hung  lifelessly  against  the  mast;  — 
the  seaman,  with  folded  arms,  leaned  against  the 
shrouds,  lost  in  that  involuntary  musing  which 
the  sober  grandeur  of  nature  commands  in  the 
rudest  of  her  children.  The  vast  bosom  of  the 
Hudson  was  like  an  unruffled  mirror,  reflecting 
the  golden  splendor  of  the  heavens,  excepting 
that  now  and  then  a  bark  canoe  would  steal 
across  its  surface,  filled  with  painted  savages, 
whose  gay  feathers  glared  brightly  as  perchance 
a  lingering  ray  of  the  setting  sun  gleamed  upon 
them  from  the  western  mountains. 

But  when  the  hour  of  twilight  spread  its  ma- 
jestic mists  around,  then  did  the  face  of  nature 
assume  a  thousand  fugitive  charms,  which  to  the 
worthy  heart  that  seeks  enjoyment  in  the  glorious 
works  of  its  Maker  are  inexpressibly  captivating. 
The  mellow  dubious  light  that  prevailed  just 
served  to  tinge  with  illusive  colors  the  softened 
features  of  the  scenery.  The  deceived  but  de- 
lighted eye  sought  vainly  to  discern  in  the  broad 
masses  of  shade  the  separating  line  between  the 
land  and  water,  or  to  distinguish  the  fading 
objects  that  seemed  sinking  into  chaos.  Now  did 
the  busy  fancy  supply  the  feebleness  of  vision, 
producing  with  industrious  craft  a  fairy  creation 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  389 

of  her  own.  Under  her  plastic  wand  the  barren 
rocks  frowned  upon  the  watery  waste  in  the 
semblance  of  lofty  towers  and  high  embattled 
castles,  —  trees  assumed  the  direful  forms  of 
mighty  giants,  and  the  inaccessible  summits  of 
the  mountains  seemed  peopled  with  a  thousand 
shadowy  beings. 

Now  broke  forth  from  the  shores  the  notes  of 
an  innumerable  variety  of  insects,  which  filled 
the  air  with  a  strange  but  not  inharmonious  con- 
cert, while  ever  and  anon  was  heard  the  mel- 
ancholy plaint  of  the  whippoorwill,  who,  perched 
on  some  lone  tree,  wearied  the  ear  of  night  with 
his  incessant  moanings.  The  mind,  soothed  into 
a  hallowed  melancholy,  listened  with  pensive  still- 
ness to  catch  and  distinguish  each  sound  that 
vaguely  echoed  from  the  shore,  —  now  and  then 
startled  perchance  by  the  whoop  of  some  strag- 
gling savage,  or  by  the  dreary  howl  of  a  wolf, 
stealing  forth  upon  his  nightly  prowlings. 

Thus  happily  did  they  pursue  their  course,  un- 
til they  entered  upon  those  awful  defiles  denomi- 
nated THE  HIGHLANDS,  where  it  would  seem  that 
the  gigantic  Titans  had  erst  waged  their  impious 
war  with  heaven,  piling  up  cliffs  on  cliffs,  and 
hurling  vast  masses  of  rock  in  Avild  confusion. 
But  in  sooth  very  different  is  the  history  of  these 
cloud-capt  mountains.  These  in  ancient  days, 
before  the  Hudson  poured  its  waters  from  the 
lakes,  formed  one  vast  prison,  within  whose  rocky 
bosom  the  omnipotent  Manetho  confined  the  re- 
bellious spirits  who  repined  at  his  control.  Here, 
bound  in  adamantine  chains,  or  jammed  in  rifted 


390  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

pines,  or  crushed  by  ponderous  rocks,  they  groan- 
ed for  many  an  age.  At  length  the  conquering 
Hudson,  in  its  career  towards  the  ocean,  burst 
open  their  prison-house,  rolling  its  tide  triumph- 
antly through  the  stupendous  ruins. 

Still,  however,  do  many  of  them  lurk  about 
their  old  abodes  ;  and  these  it  is,  according  to 
venerable  legends,  that  cause  the  echoes  which 
resound  throughout  these  awful  solitudes,  —  which 
are  nothing  but  their  angry  clamors  when  any 
noise  disturbs  the  profoundness  of  their  repose. 
For  when  the  elements  are  agitated  by  tempest, 
when  the  winds  are  up  and  the  thunder  rolls, 
then  horrible  is  the  yelling  and  howling  of  these 
troubled  spirits,  making  the  mountains  to  rebel- 
low with  their  hideous  uproar  ;  for  at  such  times 
it  is  said  that  they  think  the  great  Manetho  18 
returning  once  more  to  plunge  them  in  gloomy 
caverns,  and  renew  their  intolerable  captivity. 

But  all  these  fair  and  glorious  scenes  were  lost 
upon  the  gallant  Stuyvesant ;  naught  occupied  his 
mind  but  thoughts  of  iron  war,  and  proud  antici- 
pations of  hardy  deeds  of  arms.  Neither  did  his 
honest  crew  trouble  their  heads  with  any  roman- 
tic speculations  of  the  kind.  The  pilot  at  the 
helm  quietly  smoked  his  pipe,  thinking  of  nothing 
either  past,  present,  or  to  come ;  —  those  of  his 
comrades  who  were  not  industriously  smoking 
under  the  hatches  were  listening  with  open 
mouths  to  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who,  seated  on 
the  windlass,  was  relating  to  them  the  marvel- 
lous history  of  those  myriads  of  fireflies  that 
sparkled  like  gems  and  spangles  upon  the  dusky 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  391 

robe  of  night.  These,  according  to  tradition, 
were  originally  a  race  of  pestilent  sempiternous 
beldames,  who  peopled  these  parts  long  before 
the  memory  of  man,  being  of  that  abominated 
race  emphatically  called  brimstones,  and  who,  for 
their  innumerable  sins  against  the  children  of 
men,  and  to  furnish  an  awful  warning  to  the 
beauteous  sex,  were  doomed  to  infest  the  earth 
in  the  shape  of  these  threatening  and  terrible  lit- 
tle bugs,  enduring  the  internal  torments  of  that 
fire  which  they  formerly  carried  in  their  hearts 
and  breathed  forth  in  their  words,  but  now  are 
sentenced  to  bear  about  forever  —  in  their  tails  ! 
And  now  I  am  going  to  tell  a  fact,  which  I 
doubt  much  my  readers  will  hesitate  to  believe ; 
but  if  they  do,  they  are  welcome  not  to  believe 
a  word  in  this  whole  history,  for  nothing  which 
it  contains  is  more  true.  It  must  be  known  then 
that  the  nose  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter  was  of  a 
very  lusty  size,  strutting  boldly  from  his  counte- 
nance like  a  mountain  of  Golconda ;  being  sump- 
tuously bedecked  with  rubies  and  other  precious 
stones,  —  the  true  regalia  of  a  king  of  good  fel- 
lows, which  jolly  Bacchus  grants  to  all  who 
bouse  it  heartily  at  the  flagon.  Now  thus  it 
happened,  that  bright  and  early  in  the  morning, 
the  good  Antony,  having  washed  his  burly  visage, 
was  leaning  over  the  quarter-railing  of  the  gal- 
ley, contemplating  it  in  the  glassy  wave  below. 
Just  at  this  moment  the  illustrious  sun,  break- 
ing in  all  its  splendor  from  behind  a  high  bluff 
of  the  highlands,  did  dart  one  of  his  most  po- 
tent beams  full  upon  the  refulgent  nose  of  the 


392  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

sounder  of  brass  —  the  reflection  of  which  shot 
straightway  down,  hissing-hot,  into  the  water, 
and  killed  a  mighty  sturgeon  that  was  sporting 
beside  the  vessel !  This  huge  monster  being 
with  infinite  labor  hoisted  on  board,  furnished  a 
luxurious  repast  to  all  the  crew,  being  accounted 
of  excellent  flavor,  excepting  about  the  wound, 
where  it  smacked  a  little  of  brimstone ;  and  this, 
on  my  veracity,  was  the  first  time  that  ever 
sturgeon  was  eaten  in  these  parts  by  Christian 
people.1 

When  this  astonishing  miracle  came  to  be 
made  known  to  Peter  Stuyvesant,  and  that  he 
tasted  of  the  unknown  fish,  he,  as  may  well  be 
supposed,  marvelled  exceedingly  ;  and  as  a  mon- 
ument thereof,  he  gave  the  name  of  Antony's 
Nose  to  a  stout  promontory  in  the  neighborhood ; 
and  it  has  continued  to  be  called  Antony's  Nose 
ever  since  that  time. 

But  hold :  whither  am  I  wandering  ?  By  the 
mass,  if  I  attempt  to  accompany  the  good  Peter 
Stuyvesant  on  this  voyage,  I  shall  never  make 
an  end  ;  for  never  was  there  a  voyage  so  fraught 
with  marvellous  incidents,  nor  a  river  so  abound- 
ing with  transcendent  beauties,  worthy  of  being 
severally  recorded.  Even  now  I  have  it  on  the 
point  of  my  pen  to  relate  how  his  crew  were 
most  horribly  frightened,  on  going  on  shore  above 
the  highlands,  by  a  gang  of  merry  roistering 

1  The  learned  Hans  Megapolensis,  treating  of  the  country 
about  Albany,  in  a  letter  which  was  written  some  time  after 
the  settlement,  says:  "There  is  in  the  river  great  plenty  of 
sturgeon,  which  we  Christians  do  not  make  use  of,  but  the 
Indians  eat  them  greedily." 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  393 

devils,  frisking  and  curveting  on  a  flat  rock,  which 
projected  into  the  river,  and  which  is  called  the 
DuyceFs  Dans-Kamer  to  this  very  day.  But  no  ! 
Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  it  becomes  thee  not  to 
idle  thus  in  thy  historic  wayfaring. 

Ilecollect  that,  while  dwelling  with  the  fond 
garrulity  of  age  over  these  fairy  scenes,  endeared 
to  thee  by  the  recollections  of  thy  youth,  and  the 
charms  of  a  thousand  legendary  tales,  which  be- 
guiled the  simple  ear  of  thy  childhood,  —  recollect 
that  thou  art  trifling  with  those  fleeting  moments 
which  should  be  devoted  to  loftier  themes.  Is 
not  Time — relentless  Time!  —  shaking,  with  pal- 
sied hand,  his  almost  exhausted  hour-glass  before 
thee  ?  Hasten  then  to  pursue  thy  weary  task, 
lest  the  last  sands  be  run  ere  thou  hast  finished 
thy  history  of  the  Manhattoes. 

Let  us,  then,  commit  the  dauntless  Peter,  his 
brave  galley,  and  his  loyal  crew,  to  the  protection 
of  the  blessed  St.  Nicholas ;  who,  I  have  no 
doubt,  will  prosper  him  in  his  voyage,  while  we 
await  his  return  at  the  great  city  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. 


394  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER    V. 


•H1LE  thus  the  enterprising  Peter  was 
coasting,  with  flowing  sail,  up  the  shores 
of  the  lordly  Hudson,  and  arousing  all 
the  phlegmatic  little  Dutch  settlements  upon  its 
borders,  a  great  and  puissant  concourse  of  war- 
riors was  assembling  at  the  city  of  New  Amster- 
dam. And  here  that  invaluable  fragment  of 
antiquity,  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  is  more 
than  commonly  particular  ;  by  which  means  I 
am  enabled  to  record  the  illustrious  host  that 
encamped  itself  in  the  public  square  in  front 
of  the  fort,  at  present  denominated  the  Bowling 
Green. 

In  the  centre,  then,  was  pitched  the  tent  of 
the  men  of  battle  of  the  Manhattoes,  who,  being 
the  inmates  of  the  metropolis,  composed  the  life- 
guards of  the  governor.  These  were  commanded 
by  the  valiant  Stoifel  Brinkerhoof,  who  whilom 
had  acquired  such  immortal  fame  at  Oyster  Bay ; 
they  displayed  as  a  standard  a  beaver  rampant 
on  a  field  of  orange,  being  the  arms  of  the  prov- 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  395 

ince,  and  denoting  the  persevering  industry  and 
the  amphibious  origin  of  the  -Nederlanders.1 

On  their  right  hand  might  be  seen  the  vassals 
of  that  renowned  Mynheer,  Michael  Paw,2  who 
lorded  it  over  the  fair  regions  of  ancient  Pavonia, 
and  the  lands  away  south  even  unto  the  Nave- 
sink  mountains,3  and  was  moreover  patroon  of 
Gibbet  Island.  His  standard  was  borne  by  his 
trusty  squire,  Cornelius  Van  Vorst  ;  consisting 
of  a  huge  oyster  recumbent  upon  a  sea-green 
field  ;  being  the  armorial  bearings  of  his  favorite 
metropolis,  Communipaw.  He  brought  to  the 
camp  a  stout  force  of  warriors,  heavily  armed, 
being  each  clad  in  ten  pair  of  linsey-woolsey 
tjreechcs,  and  overshadowed  by  broad-brimmed 
beavers,  with  short  pipes  twisted  in  their  hat- 
bands. These  were  the  men  who  vegetated  in 
the  mud  along  the  shores  of  Pavonia,  being  of 
the  race  of  genuine  copperheads,  and  were  fabled 
to  have  sprung  from  oysters. 

At  a  little  distance  was  encamped  the  tribe  of 
warriors  who  came  from  the  neighborhood  of 


1  This  was  likewise  the  great  seal  of  the  New  Netherlands, 
as  may  still  be  seen  in  ancient  records. 

2  Besides  what  is  related  in  the  Stuyvesant  MS.,  I  have 
found  mention    made  of  this   illustrious  patroon   in  another 
manuscript,  which  says  :    "  l)e  Heer  (or  the  squire)  Michael 
Paw,  a  Dutch  subject,  about  10th  Any.   16JJO,   by  deed  pur- 
chased  Staten   Island.     N.  B.  The  same  Michael   Paw  had 
what  the  Dutch  call  a  colonie  at  Pavonia,  on  the  Jersey  shore, 
opposite   New  York,   and  his   overseer   in   1030  was"  named 
Corns.      Van   Vorst,  a   person  of  the  same   name   in  1769, 
owned  Pawles  Hook,  and  a  lar^e  farm  at  Pavouia,  and  is  a 
lineal  descendant  from  Van  Vorst." 

8  So  called  from  the  Navesink  tribe  of  Indians  that  inhabited 
these  parts.  At  present  they  are  erroneously  denominated  the 
Neversiuk,  or  Xeversunk  mountains. 


396  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

Hell-gate.  These  were  commanded  by  the  Suy 
Dams,  and  the  Van  Dams,  —  incontinent  hard 
swearers,  as  their  names  betoken.  They  were 
terrible-looking  fellows,  clad  in  broad-skirted  gab- 
erdines, of  that  curious  colored  cloth  called  thun- 
der and  lightning,  —  and  bore  as  a  standard  three 
devil's  darning-needles,  volant,  in  a  flame-colored 
field. 

Hard  by  was  the  tent  of  the  men  of  battle 
from  the  marshy  borders  of  the  Waale-Boght1 
and  the  country  thereabouts.  These  were  of  a 
sour  aspect,  by  reason  that  they  lived  on  crabs, 
which  abound  in  these  parts.  They  were  the 
first  institutors  of  that  honorable  order  of  knight- 
hood called  Fly-market  shirks,  and,  if  tradition 
speak  true,  did  likewise  introduce  the  far-famed 
step  in  dancing  called  "  double  trouble."  They 
were  commanded  by  the  fearless  Jacobus  Varra 
Vanger,  —  and  had,  moreover,  a  jolly  band  of 
Breuckelen  2  ferry-men,  who  performed  a  brave 
concerto  on  conch  shells. 

But  I  refrain  from  pursuing  this  minute  de- 
scription, which  goes  on  to  describe  the  warriors 
of  Bloemen-dael,  and  Weehawk,  and  Hoboken, 
and  sundry  other  places,  well  known  in  history 
and  song ;  for  now  do  the  notes  of  martial 
music  alarm  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam, 
sounding  afar  from  beyond  the  walls  of  the  city. 
But  this  alarm  was  in  a  little  while  relieved,  for 
lo !  from  the  midst  of  a  vast  cloud  of  dust,  they 

1  Since  corrupted  into  the  Wallaboul;  the  bay  where  the 
Navy  Yard  is  situated. 

2  Now  spelt  Brooklyn. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  397 

recognized  the  brimstone-colored  breeches  and 
splendid  silver  leg  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  glaring 
in  the  sunbeams;  and  beheld  him  approaching 
at  the  head  of  a  formidable  army,  which  he  had 
mustered  along  the  banks  of  the  Hudson.  And 
here  the  excellent  but  anonymous  writer  of  the 
Stuyvesant  manuscript  breaks  out  into  a  brave 
and  glorious  description  of  the  forces,  as  they 
defiled  through  the  principal  gate  of  the  city,  that 
stood  by  the  head  of  Wall  Street. 

First  of  all  came  the  Van  Bummels,  who  in- 
habit the  pleasant  borders  of  the  Bronx  :  these 
were  short  fat  men,  wearing  exceeding  large 
trunk-breeches,  and  were  renowned  for  feats  of 
the  trencher.  They  were  the  first  inventors  of 
suppawn,  or  mush  and  milk.  —  Close  in  their  rear 
marched  the  Van  Vlotens,  of  Kaatskill,  horrible 
quaflfers  of  new  cider,  and  arrant  braggarts  in 
their  liquor.  —  After  them  came  the  Van  Pelts 
of  Groodt  Esopus,  dexterous  horsemen,  mounted 
upon  goodly  switch-tailed  steeds  of  the  Esopus 
breed.  These  were  mighty  hunters  of  minks  and 
musk-rats,  whence  came  the  word  Peltry.  —  Then 
the  Van  Nests  of  Kinderhoeck,  valiant  robbers 
of  bird's-nests,  as  their  name  denotes.  To  these, 
if  report  may  be  believed,  are  we  indebted  for 
the  invention  of  slap-jacks,  or  buckwheat-cakes. 
—  Then  the  Van  Higginbottoms,  of  Wapping's 
creek.  These  came  armed  with  ferules  and 
birchen  rods,  being  a  race  of  schoolmasters,  who 
first  discovered  the  marvellous  sympathy  between 
the  seat  of  honor  and  the  seat  of  intellect,  —  and 
that  the  shortest  way  to  get  knowledge  into  the 


398  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

head  was  to  hammer  it  into  the  bottom.  —  Then 
the  Van  Grolis,  of  Antony's  Nose,  who  carried 
their  liquor  in  fair  round  little  pottles,  by  reason 
they  could  not  bouse  it  out  of  their  canteens, 
having  such  rare  long  noses.  —  Then  the  Gar- 
deniers,  of  Hudson  and  thereabouts,  distinguished 
by  many  triumphant  feats,  such  as  robbing  water- 
melon patches,  smoking  rabbits  out  of  their  holes, 
and  the  like,  and  by  being  great  lovers  of  roasted 
pigs'  tails.  These  were  the  ancestors  of  the  re- 
nowned congressman  of  that  name.  —  Then  the 
Van  Hoesens,  of  Sing-Sing,  great  choristers  and 
players  upon  the  jews-harp.  These  inarched  two 
and  two,  singing  the  great  song  of  St.  Nicholas. 
—  Then  the  Coueiihovens,  of  Sleepy  Hollow. 
These  gave  birth  to  a  jolly  race  of  publicans, 
who  first  discovered  the  magic  artifice  of  conjur- 
ing a  quart  of  wine  into  a  pint  bottle.  —  Then 
the  Van  Kortlandts,  who  lived  on  the  wild  banks 
of  the  Croton,  and  were  great  killers  of  wild 
ducks,  being  much  spoken  of  for  their  skill  in 
shooting  with  the  long  bow.  —  Then  the  Van 
Bunschotens,  of  Nyack  and  Kakiat,  who  were 
the  first  that  did  ever  kick  with  the  left  foot. 
They  were  gallant  bushwhackers  and  hunters  of 
raccoons  by  moonlight.  —  Then  the  Van  Winkles, 
of  Haerlem,  potent  suckers  of  eggs,  and  noted 
for  running  of  horses,  and  running  up  of  scores 
at  taverns.  They  were  the  first  that  ever  winked 
with  both  eyes  at  once.  —  Lastly  came  the 
KNICKERBOCKERS,  of  the  great  town  of  Scagh- 
tikoke,  where  the  folk  lay  stones  upon  the  houses 
in  windy  weather,  lest  they  should  be  blown 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  399 

away.  These  derive  their  name,  as  some  say, 
from  Knicker,  to  shake,  arid  Beker,  a  goblet,  indi- 
cating thereby  that  they  were  sturdy  toss-pots  of 
yore  ;  but,  in  truth,  it  was  derived  from  Knicker, 
to  nod,  and  Boeken,  books :  plainly  meaning  that 
they  were  great  nodders  or  dozers  over  books. 
From  them  did  descend  the  writer  of  this  history. 

Such  was  the  legion  of  sturdy  bush-beaters 
that  poured  in  at  the  grand  gate  of  New  Am- 
sterdam ;  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript  indeed  speaks 
of  many  more,  whose  names  I  omit  to  mention, 
seeing  that  it  behooves  me  to  hasten  to  matters 
of  greater  moment.  Nothing  could  surpass  the 
joy  and  martial  pride  of  the  lion-hearted  Peter  as 
he  reviewed  this  mighty  host  of  warriors,  and  he 
determined  no  longer  to  defer  the  gratification  of 
his  much-wished-fbr  revenge  upon  the  scoundrel 
Swedes  at  Fort  Casimir. 

But  before  I  hasten  to  record  those  unmatcha- 
ble  events  which  will  be  found  in  the  sequel  of 
this  faithful  history,  let  me  pause  to  notice  the 
fate  of  Jacobus  Van  Poffenburgh,  the  discomfited 
commaiider-in-chief  of  the  armies  of  the  New 
Netherlands.  Such  is  the  inherent  uncharitable- 
ness  of  human  nature,  that  scarcely  did  the  news 
become  public  of  his  deplorable  discomfiture  at 
Fort  Casimir,  than  a  thousand  scurvy  rumors 
were  set  afloat  in  New  Amsterdam,  wherein-  it 
was  insinuated  that  he  had  in  reality  a  treacher- 
ous understanding  with  the  Swedish  commander  ; 
that  he  had  long  been  in  the  practice  of  privately 
communicating  with  the  Swe.des  ;  together  with 
divers  hints  about  "secret  service-money."  To 


400  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

all  which  deadly  charges  I  do  not  give  a  jot  more 
credit  than  I  think  they  deserve. 

Certain  it  is,  that  the  general  vindicated  his 
character  by  the  most  vehement  oaths  and  prot- 
estations, and  put  every  man  out  of  the  ranks 
of  honor  who  dared  to  doubt  his  integrity. 
Moreover,  on  returning  to  New  Amsterdam,  he 
paraded  up  and  down  the  streets  with  a  crew  of 
hard  swearers  at  his  heels,  —  sturdy  bottle-com- 
panions, whom  he  gorged  and  fattened,  and  who 
were  ready  to  bolster  him  through  all  the  courts 
of  justice,  —  heroes  of  his  own  kidney,  fierce- 
whiskered,  broad  -  shouldered,  colbrand  -  looking 
swaggerers,  —  not  one  of  whom  but  looked  as 
though  he  could  eat  up  an  ox,  and  pick  his  teeth 
with  the  horns.  These  lifeguard  men  quar- 
relled all  his  quarrels,  were  ready  to  fight  all  his 
battles,  %  and  scowled  at  every  man  that  turned 
up  his  nose  at  the  general,  as  though  they  would 
devour  him  alive.  Their  conversation  was  inter- 
spersed with  oaths  like  minute-guns,  and  every 
bombastic  rodomontade  was  rounded  off  by  a 
thundering  execration,  like  a  patriotic  toast  hon- 
ored with  a  discharge  of  artillery. 

All  these  valorous  vaporings  had  a  considera- 
ble effect  in  convincing  certain  profound  sages, 
who  began  to  think  the  general  a  hero  of  un- 
matchable  loftiness  and  magnanimity  of  soul,  par- 
ticularly as  he  was  continually  protesting  on  the 
honor  of  a  soldier,  —  a  marvellously  high-sound- 
ing asseveration.  Nay,  one  of  the  members  of 
the  council  went  so  far  as  to  propose  they  should 
immortalize  him  by  an  imperishable  statue  of 
plaster  of  Paris. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  401 

But  the  vigilant  Peter  the  Headstrong  was 
not  thus  to  be  deceived.  Sending  privately  for 
the  Commander-in-chief  of  all  the  armies,  and 
having  heard  all  his  story,  garnished  with  the 
customary  pious  oaths,  protestations,  and  ejacula- 
tions, —  "  Harkee,  comrade,"  cried  he,  "  though  by 
your  own  account  you  are  the  most  brave,  up- 
right, and  honorable  man  in  the  whole  province, 
yet  do  you  lie  under  the  misfortune  of  being 
damnably  traduced,  and  immeasurably  despised. 
Now,  though  it  is  certainly  hard  to  punish  a  man 
for  his  misfortunes,  and  though  it  is  very  possible 
you  are  totally  innocent  of  the  crimes  laid  to 
your  charge,  yet  as  heaven,  doubtless  for  some 
wise  purpose,  sees  fit  at  present  to  withhold  all 
proofs  of  your  innocence,  far  be  it  from  me  to 
counteract  its  sovereign  will.  Besides,  I  cannot 
consent  to  venture  my  armies  with  a  commander 
whom  they  despise,  nor  to  trust  the  welfare  of 
my  people  to  a  champion  whom  they  distrust. 
Retire,  therefore,  my  friend,  from  the  irksome 
toils  and  cares  of  public  life,  with  this  comforting 
reflection,  that,  if  guilty,  you  are  but  enjoying 
your  just  reward,  and  if  innocent,  you  are  not 
the  first  great  and  good  man  who  has  most 
wrongfully  been  slandered  and  maltreated  in  this 
wicked  world,  —  doubtless  to  be  better  treated  in 
a  better  world,  where  there  shall  be  neither  error, 
calumny,  nor  persecution.  In  the  mean  time  let 
me  never  see  your  face  again,  for  I  have  a  horri- 
ble antipathy  to  the  countenances  of  unfortunate 
great  men  like  yourself." 

20 


402  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  DISCOURSES  VERT  INGENUOUSLY  OP  HIMSELF  — 
AFTER  WHICH  IS  TO  BE  FOUND  MUCH  INTERESTING  HISTORY  ABOUT 
PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  AND  HIS  FOLLOWERS. 

my  readers  and  myself  are  about  enter- 
ing on  as  many  perils  as  ever  a  confed- 
eracy of  meddlesome  knights-errant  wil- 
fully ran  their  heads  into,  it  is  meet  that,  like 
those  hardy  adventurers,  we  should  join  hands, 
bury  all  differences,  and  swear  to  stand  by  one 
another,  in  weal  or  woe,  to  the  end  of  the  enter- 
prise. My  readers  must  doubtless  perceive  how 
completely  I  have  altered  my  tone  and  deport- 
ment since  we  first  set  out  together.  I  warrant 
they  then  thought  me  a  crabbed,  cynical,  imperti- 
nent little  son  of  a  Dutchman ;  for  I  scarcely  gave 
them  a  civil  word,  nor  so  much  as  touched  my 
beaver,  when  I  had  occasion  to  address  them.  But 
as  we  jogged  along  together  on  the  high  road  of 
my  history,  I  gradually  began  to  relax,  to  grow 
more  courteous,  and  occasionally  to  enter  into 
familiar  discourse,  until  at  length  I  came  to  con- 
ceive a  most  social,  companionable  kind  of  regard 
for  them.  This  is  just  my  way :  I  am  always 
a  little  cold  and  reserved  at  first,  particularly 
to  people  whom  I  neither  know  nor  care  for, 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  403 

and  am  only  to  be  completely  won  by  long  inti- 
macy. 

Besides,  why  should  I  have  been  sociable  to 
the  crowd  of  how-d'ye-do  acquaintances  that 
flocked  around  me  at  my  first  appearance  ?  Many 
were  merely  attracted  by  a  new  face ;  and  hav- 
ing stared  me  full  in  the  title-page,  walked  off 
without  saying  a  word :  while  others  lingered 
yawningly  through  the  preface,  and,  having  grati- 
fied their  short-lived  curiosity,  soon  dropped  off 
one  by  one.  But,  more  especially  to  try  their 
mettle,  I  had  recourse  to  an  expedient,  similar  to 
one  which  we  are  told  was  used  by  that  peerless 
flower  of  chivalry,  King  Arthur  ;  who,  before  he 
admitted  any  knight  to  his  intimacy,  first  required 
that  he  should  show  himself  superior  to  danger 
or  hardships,  by  encountering  unheard-of  mishaps, 
slaying  some  dozen  giants,  vanquishing  wicked 
enchanters,  not  to  say  a  word  of  dwarfs,  hippo- 
griffs,  arid  fiery  dragons.  On  a  similar  principle 
did  I  cunningly  lead  my  readers,  at  the  first  sally, 
into  two  or  three  knotty  chapters,  where  they 
were  most  wofully  belabored  and  buffeted  by  a 
host  of  pagan  philosophers  and  infidel  writers. 
Though  naturally  a  very  grave  man,  yet  could  I 
scarcely  refrain  from  smiling  outright  at  seeing 
the  utter  confusion  and  dismay  of  my  valiant 
cavaliers.  Some  dropped  down  dead  (asleep)  on 
the  field;  others  threw  down  my  book  in  the 
middle  of  the  first  chapter,  took  to  their  heels, 
and  never  ceased  scampering  until  they  had  fairly 
run  it  out  of  sight :  when  they  stopped  to  take 
breath,  to  tell  their  friends  what  troubles  they 


404  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

had  undergone,  and  to  warn  all  others  from  ven- 
turing on  so  thankless  an  expedition.  Every  page 
thinned  my  ranks  more  and  more  ;  and  of  the  vast 
multitude  that  first  set  out,  but  a  comparatively 
few  made  shift  to  survive,  in  exceedingly  battered 
condition,  through  the  five  introductory  chapters. 

What,  then !  would  you  have  had  me  take  such 
sunshine,  faint-hearted  recreants  to  my  bosom  at 
our  first  acquaintance  ?  No,  no  ;  I  reserved  my 
friendship  for  those  who  deserved  it,  for  those 
who  undauntedly  bore  me  company,  in  despite 
of  difficulties,  dangers,  and  fatigues.  And  now, 
as  to  those  who  adhere  to  me  at  present,  I  take 
them  affectionately  by  the  hand.  Worthy  and 
thrice-beloved  readers !  brave  and  well-tried  com- 
rades !  who  have  faithfully  followed  my  footsteps 
through  all  my  wanderings,  —  I  salute  you  from 
my  heart,  —  I  pledge  myself  to  stand  by  you  to 
the  last,  and  to  conduct  you  (so  Heaven  speed 
this  trusty  weapon  which  I  now  hold  between 
my  fingers)  triumphantly  to  the  end  of  this  our 
stupendous  undertaking. 

But,  hark  !  while  we  are  thus  talking,  the  city 
of  New  Amsterdam  is  in  a  bustle.  The  host  of 
warriors  encamped  in  the  Bowling  Green  are 
striking  their  tents ;  the  brazen  trumpet  of  An- 
tony Van  Corlear  makes  the  welkin  to  resound 
with  portentous  clangor  ;  the  drums  beat ;  the 
standards  of  the  Manhattoes,  of  Hell-gate,  and 
of  Michael  Paw,  wave  proudly  in  the  air.  And 
now  behold  where  the  mariners  are  busily  em- 
ployed hoisting  the  sails  of  yon  topsail  schooner, 
and  those  clump-built  sloops,  which  are  to  waft 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  405 

the  army  of  the  Nederlandera  to  gather  immortal 
honors  on  the  Delaware  ! 

The  entire  population  of  the  city,  man,  wom- 
an, and  child,  turned  out  to  behold  the  chivalry 
of  New  Amsterdam,  as  it  paraded  the  streets  pre- 
vious to  embarkation.  Many  a  handkerchief  was 
waved  out  of  the  windows  ;  many  a  fair  nose 
was  blown  in  melodious  sorrow  on  the  mournful 
occasion.  The  grief  of  the  fair  dames  and  beau- 
teous damsels  of  Granada  could  not  have  been 
more  vociferous  on  the  banishment  of  the  gallant 
tribe  of  Abencerrages  than  was  that  of  the  kind- 
hearted  fair  ones  of  New  Amsterdam  on  the  de- 
parture of  their  intrepid  warriors.  Every  love- 
sick maiden  fondly  crammed  the  pockets  of  her 
hero  with  gingerbread  and  doughnuts  ;  many  a 
copper  ring  was  exchanged,  and  crooked  sixpence 
broken,  in  pledge  of  eternal  constancy ;  and  there 
remain  extant  to  this  day  some  love-verses  writ- 
ten on  that  occasion,  sufficiently  crabbed  and  in- 
comprehensible to  confound  the  whole  universe. 

But  it  was  a  moving  sight  to  see  the  buxom 
lasses,  how  they  hung  about  the  doughty  Antony 
Van  Corlear, —  for  he  was  a  jolly,  rosy -faced, 
lusty  bachelor,  fond  of  his  joke,  and  withal  a 
desperate  rogue  among  the  women.  Fain  would 
they  have  kept  him  to  comfort  them  while  the 
army  was  away ;  for,  besides  what  I  have  said 
of  him,  it  is  no  more  than  justice  to  add,  that  he 
was  a  kind-hearted  soul,  noted  for  his  benevolent 
attentions  in  comforting  disconsolate  wives  during 
the  absence  of  their  husbands  ;  and  this  made 
him  to  be  very  much  regarded  by  the  honest 


406  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

burghers  of  the  city.  But  nothing  could  keep 
the  valiant  Antony  from  following  the  heels  of 
the  old  governor,  whom  he  loved  as  he  did  his 
very  soul ;  so,  embracing  all  the  young  vrouws, 
and  giving  every  one  of  them  that  had  good  teeth 
and  rosy  lips  a  dozen  hearty  smacks,  he  departed, 
loaded  with  their  kind  wishes. 

Nor  was  the  departure  of  the  gallant  Peter 
among  the  least  causes  of  public  distress.  Though 
the  old  governor  was  by  no  means  indulgent  to 
the  follies  and  waywardness  of  his  subjects,  yet 
somehow  or  other  he  had  become  strangely  popu- 
lar among  the  people.  There  is  something  so 
captivating  in  personal  bravery,  that,  with  the 
common  mass  of  mankind,  it  takes  the  lead  of 
most  other  merits.  The  simple  folk  of  New  Am- 
sterdam looked  upon  Peter  Stuyvesant  as  a  prod- 
igy of  valor.  His  wooden  leg,  that  trophy  of  his 
martial  encounters,  was  regarded  with  reverence 
and  admiration.  Every  old  burgher  had  a  bud- 
get of  miraculous  stories  to  tell  about  the  exploits 
of  Hardkoppig  Piet,  wherewith  he  regaled  his 
children  of  a  long  winter  night,  and  on  which 
he  dwelt  with  as  much  delight  and  exaggeration 
as  do  our  honest  country  yeomen  on  the  hardy 
adventures  of  old  General  Putnam  (or,  as  he  is 
familiarly  termed,  Old  Put)  during  our  glorious 
Revolution.  Not  an  individual  but  verily  believed 
the  old  governor  was  a  match  for  Beelzebub  him- 
self;  and  there  was  even  a  story  told,  with  great 
mystery,  and  under  the  rose,  of  his  having  shot 
the  devil  with  a  silver  bullet  one  dark  stormy 
night,  as  he  was  sailing  in  a  canoe  through  Hell- 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  407 

gate,  —  but  this  I  do  not  record  as  being  an  abso- 
lute fact.  Perish  the  man  who  would  let  fall  a 
drop  to  discolor  the  pure  stream  of  history ! 

Certain  it  is,  not  an  old  woman  in  New  Am- 
sterdam but  considered  Peter  Stuyvesant  as  a 
tower  of  strength,  and  rested  satisfied  that  the 
public  welfare  was  secure  so  long  as  he  was  in 
the  city.  It  is  not  surprising,  then,  that  they 
looked  upon  his  departure  as  a  sore  affliction. 
With  heavy  hearts  they  draggled  at  the  heels  of 
his  troop,  as  they  marched  down  to  the  river-side 
to  embark.  The  governor,  from  the  stern  of  his 
schooner,  gave  a  short  but  truly  patriarchal  ad- 
dress to  his  citizens,  wherein  he  recommended 
them  to  comport  like  loyal  and  peaceable  sub- 
jects,— to  go  to  church  regularly  on  Sundays,  and 
to  mind  their  business  all  the  week  besides. 
That  the  women  should  be  dutiful  and  affection- 
ate to  their  husbands,  —  looking  after  nobody's 
concerns  but  their  own,  —  eschewing  all  gossip- 
ings  and  morning  gaddings,  —  and  carrying  short 
tongues  and  long  petticoats.  That  the  men 
should  abstain  from  intermeddling  in  public  con- 
cerns, intrusting  the  cares  of  government  to  the 
officers  appointed  to  support  them,  —  staying  at 
home,  like  good  citizens,  making  money  for  them- 
selves, and  getting  children  for  the  benefit  of  their 
country.  That  the  burgomasters  should  look  well 
to  the  public  interest,  —  not  oppressing  the  poor 
nor  indulging  the  rich,  —  not  tasking  their  inge- 
nuity to  devise  new  laws,  but  faithfully  enforcing 
those  which  were  already  made, — rather  bending 
their  attention  to  prevent  evil  than  to  punish  it ; 


408  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

ever  recollecting  that  civil  magistrates  should 
consider  themselves  more  as  guardians  of  public 
morals  than  rat-catchers  employed  to  entrap  pub- 
lic delinquents.  Finally,  he  exhorted  them,  one 
and  all,  high  and  low,  rich  and  poor,  to  conduct 
themselves  as  well  as  they  could,  assuring  them 
that  if  they  faithfully  and  conscientiously  com- 
plied with  this  golden  rule,  there  was  no  danger 
but  that  they  would  all  conduct  themselves  well 
enough.  This  done,  he  gave  them  a  paternal 
benediction,  the  sturdy  Antony  sounded  a  most 
loving  farewell  with  his  trumpet,  the  jolly  crews 
put  up  a  shout  of  triumph,  and  the  invincible 
armada  swept  off  proudly  down  the  bay. 

The  good  people  of  New  Amsterdam  crowded 
down  to  the  Battery,  —  that  blest  resort,  from 
whence  so  many  a  tender  prayer  has  been  wafted, 
so  many  a  fair  hand  waved,  so  many  a  tearful 
look  been  cast  by  lovesick  damsel,  after  the  les- 
sening bark,  bearing  her  adventurous  swain  to 
distant  climes  !  —  Here  the  populace  watched 
with  straining  eyes  the  gallant  squadron,  as  it 
slowly  floated  down  the  bay,  and  when  the  inter- 
vening land  at  the  Narrows  shut  it  from  their 
sight,  gradually  dispersed  with  silent  tongues  and 
downcast  countenances. 

A  heavy  gloom  hung  over  the  late  bustling 
city :  the  honest  burghers  smoked  their  pipes  in 
profound  thoughtfulness,  casting  many  a  wistful 
look  to  the  weathercock  on  the  church  of  St. 
Nicholas  ;  and  all  the  old  women,  having  no  lon- 
ger the  presence  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  to  hearten 
them,  gathered  their  children  home,  and  barri- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  409 

caded  the  doors  and  windows  every  evening  at 
sundown. 

In  the  meanwhile  the  armada  of  the  sturdy 
Peter  proceeded  prosperously  on  its  voyage  ;  and 
after  encountering  about  as  many  storms,  and  wa- 
ter-spouts, and  whales,  and  other  horrors  and 
phenomena  as  generally  befall  adventurous  lands- 
men in  perilous  voyages  of  the  kind,  and  after 
undergoing  a  severe  scouring  from  that  deplor- 
able and  unpitied  malady  called  seasickness,  the 
whole  squadron  arrived  safely  in  the  Delaware. 

Without  so  much  as  dropping  anchor  and  giv- 
ing his  wearied  ships  time  to  breathe,  after  labor- 
ing so  long  on  the  ocean,  the  intrepid  Peter  pur- 
sued his  course  up  the  Delaware,  and  made  a 
sudden  appearance  before  Fort  Casimir.  Hav- 
ing summoned  the  astonished  garrison  by  a  ter- 
rific blast  from  the  trumpet  of  the  long-winded 
Van  Corlear,  he  demanded,  in  a  tone  of  thunder, 
an  instant  surrender  of  the  fort.  To  this  de- 
mand, Suen  Skytte,  the  wind-dried  commandant, 
replied  in  a  shrill,  whiffling  voice,  which,  by 
reason  of  his  extreme  spareness,  sounded  like 
the  wind  whistling  through  a  broken  bellows,  — 
"  That  he  had  no  very  strong  reason  for  refusing, 
except  that  the  demand  was  particularly  disagree- 
able, as  he  had  been  ordered  to  maintain  his  post 
to  the  last  extremity."  He  requested  time, 
therefore,  to  consult  with  Governor  liisingh,  and 
proposed  a  truce  for  that  purpose. 

The  choleric  Peter,  indignant  at  having  his 
rightful  fort  so  treacherously  taken  from  him,  and 
thus  pertinaciously  withheld,  refused  the  proposed 


410  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

armistice,  and  swore  by  the  pipe  of  St.  Nicholas, 
which,  like  the  sacred  fire,  was  never  extin- 
guished, that  unless  the  fort  were  surrendered  in 
ten  minutes,  he  would  incontinently  storm  the 
works,  make  all  the  garrison  run  the  gauntlet,  and 
split  their  scoundrel  of  a  commander  like  a  pickled 
shad.  To  give  this  menace  the  greater  effect,  he 
drew  forth  his  trusty  sword,  and  shook  it  at  them 
with  such  a  fierce  and  vigorous  motion,  that 
doubtless,  if  it  had  not  been  exceeding  rusty,  it 
would  have  lightened  terror  into  the  eyes  and 
hearts  of  the  enemy.  He  then  ordered  his  men 
to  bring  a  broadside  to  bear  upon  the  fort,  con- 
sisting of  two  swivels,  three  muskets,  a  long  duck 
fowling-piece,  and  two  brace  of  horse-pistols. 

In  the  mean  time  the  sturdy  Van  Corlear  mar- 
shalled all  the  forces,  and  commenced  his  warlike 
operations.  Distending  his  cheeks  like  a  very 
Boreas,  he  kept  up  a  most  horrific  twanging  of 
his  trumpet,  —  the  lusty  choristers  of  Sing-Sing 
broke  forth  into  a  hideous  song  of  battle,  —  the 
warriors  of  Breuckelen  and  the  Wallabout  blew 
a  potent  and  astonishing  blast  on  their  conch 
shells,  —  altogether  forming  as  outrageous  a  con- 
certo as  though  five  thousand  French  fiddlers 
were  displaying  their  skill  in  a  modern  overture. 

Whether  the  formidable  front  of  war  thus  sud- 
denly presented  smote  the  garrison  with  sore  dis- 
may,—  or  whether  the  concluding  terms  of  the 
summons,  which  mentioned  that  he  should  sur- 
render "  at  discretion,"  were  mistaken  by  Suen 
Skytte,  who,  though  a  Swede,  was  a  very  consid- 
erate, easy-tempered  man,  as  a  compliment  to  his 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  411 

discretion,  I  will  not  take  upon  me  to  say ;  cer- 
tain it  is  he  found  it  impossible  to  resist  so  cour- 
teous a  demand.  Accordingly,  in  the  very  nick 
of  time,  just  as  the  cabin-boy  had  gone  after  a 
coal  of  fire  to  discharge  the  swivel,  a  chamade 
was  beat  on  the  rampart  by  the  only  drum  in 
the  garrison,  to  the  no  small  satisfaction  of  both 
parties,  who,  notwithstanding  their  great  stomach 
for  fighting,  had  full  as  good  an  inclination  to 
eat  a  quiet  dinner  as  to  exchange  black  eyes  and 
bloody  noses. 

Thus  did  this  impregnable  fortress  once  more 
return  to  the  domination  of  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses. Skytte  and  his  garrison  of  twenty  men 
were  allowed  to  march  out  with  the  honors  of 
war ;  and  the  victorious  Peter,  who  was  as  gener- 
ous as  brave,  permitted  them  to  keep  possession 
of  all  their  arms  and  ammunition,  —  the  same  on 
inspection  being  found  totally  unfit  for  service, 
having  long  rusted  in  the  magazine  of  the  for- 
tress, even  before  it  was  wrested  by  the  Swedes 
from  the  windy  Van  Poffenburgh.  But  I  must 
not  omit  to  mention  that  the  governor  was  so 
well  pleased  with  the  service  of  his  faithful 
squire,  Van  Corlear,  in  the  reduction  of  this  great 
fortress,  that  he  made  him  on  the  spot  lord  of  a 
goodly  domain  in  the  vicinity  of  New  Amster- 
dam,—  which  goes  by  the  name  of  Corlear's  Hook 
unto  this  very  day. 

The  unexampled  liberality  of  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant  towards  the  Swedes,  occasioned  great  sur- 
prise in  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam,  —  nay,  cer- 
tain factious  individuals,  who  had  been  enlight- 


412  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

ened  by  political  meetings  in  the  days  of  William 
the  Testy,  but  who  had  not  dared  to  indulge  their 
meddlesome  habits  under  the  eye  of  their  present 
ruler,  now,  emboldened  by  his  absence,  gave  vent 
to  their  censures  in  the  street.  Murmurs  were 
heard  in  the  very  council-chamber  of  New  Am- 
sterdam ;  and  there  is  no  knowing  whether  they 
might  not  have  broken  out  into  downright 
speeches  and  invectives,  had  not  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant  privately  sent  home  his  walking-staff,  to  be 
laid  as  a  mace  on  the  table  of  the  council-cham- 
ber, in  the  midst  of  his  counsellors ;  who,  like 
wise  men,  took  the  hint,  and  forever  after  held 
their  peace. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  413 


CHAPTER   VH. 

IIOWING  THE  GREAT  ADVANTAGE  THAT  THE  AUTHOR'  HAS  OVER  HIS 
READER  IN  TIME  OF  BATTLE  —  TOGETHER  WITH  DIVERS  PORTENTOUS 
MOVEMENTS  j  WHICH  BETOKEN  THAT  SOMETHING  TERRIBLE  IS  ABOUT 
TO  HAPPEN. 

IKE  as  a  mighty  alderman,  when  at  a 
corporation  feast  the  first  spoonful  of 
turtle-soup  salutes  his  palate,  feels  his 
appetite  but  tenfold  quickened,  and  redoubles  his 
vigorous  attacks  upon  the  tureen,  while  his  pro- 
jecting eyes  roll  greedily  round,  devouring  every- 
thing at  table,  so  did  the  mettlesome  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  feel  that  hunger  for  martial  glory,  which 
raged  within  his  bowels,  inflamed  by  the  capture 
of  Fort  Casimir,  and  nothing  could  allay  it  but 
the  conquest  of  all  New  Sweden.  No  sooner, 
therefore,  had  he  secured  his  conquest,  than  he 
stumped  resolutely  on,  flushed  with  success,  to 
gather  fresh  laurels  at  Fort  Christina,1 

This  was  the  grand  Swedish  post,  established 
on  a  small  river  (or,  as  it  is  improperly  termed, 
creek)  of  the  same  name  ;  and  here  that  crafty 
governor  Jan  Risingh  lay  grimly  drawn  up,  like 
a  gray-bearded  spider  in  the  citadel  of  his  web. 

But  before  we  hurry  into  the  direful  scenes 


1  At  present  a  flourishing  town,  called  Christiana,  or  Chris- 
teen,  about  thirty-seven  miles  from  Philadelphia,  on  the  post- 
road  to  Baltimore. 


414  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

which  must  attend  the  meeting  of  two  such  po- 
tent chieftains,  it  is  advisable  to  pause  for  a 
moment,  and  hold  a  kind  of  warlike  council 
Battles  should  not  be  rushed  into  precipitately 
by  the  historian  and  Ms  readers,  any  more  than 
by  the  general  and  his  soldiers.  The  great  com- 
manders of  antiquity  never  engaged  the  enemy 
without  previously  preparing  the  minds  of  their 
followers  by  animating  harangues,  spiriting  them 
up  to  heroic  deeds,  assuring  them  of  the  protec- 
tion of  the  gods,  and  inspiring  them  with  a  con- 
fidence in  the  prowess  of  their  leaders.  So  the 
historian  should  awaken  the  attention  and  enlist 
the  passions  of  his  readers ;  and  having  set  them 
all  on  fire  with  the  importance  of  his  subject, 
he  should  put  himself  at  their  head,  flourish  his 
pen,  and  lead  them  on  to  the  thickest  of  the 
fight. 

An  illustrious  example  of  this  rule  may  be 
seen  in  that  mirror  of  historians,  the  immortal 
Thucydides.  Having  arrived  at  the  breaking  out 
of  the  Peloponnesian  war,  one  of  his  commenta- 
tors observes  that  "  he  sounds  the  charge  in  all 
the  disposition  and  spirit  of  Homer.  He  cata- 
logues the  allies  on  both  sides.  He  awakens 
our  expectations,  and  fast  engages  our  attention. 
All  mankind  are  concerned  in  the  important 
point  now  going  to  be  decided.  Endeavors  are 
made  to  disclose  futurity.  Heaven  itself  is  in- 
terested in  the  dispute.  The  earth  totters,  and 
nature  seems  to  labor  with  the  great  event. 
This  is  his  solemn,  sublime  manner  of  setting 
out  Thus  he  magnifies  a  war  between  two,  as 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  415 

Rapin  styles  them,  petty  states  ;  and  thus  art- 
fully he  supports  a  little  subject  by  treating  it  in 
a  great  and  noble  method." 

In  like  manner,  having  conducted  my  readers 
into  the  very  teeth  of  peril,  —  having  followed 
the  adventurous  Peter  and  his  band  into  foreign 
regions,  surrounded  by  foes,  and  stunned  by  the 
horrid  din  of  arms,  —  at  this  important  moment, 
while  darkness  and  doubt  hang  o'er  each  coming 
chapter,  I  hold  it  meet  to  harangue  them,  and 
prepare  them  for  the  events  that  are  to  follow. 

And  here  I  would  premise  one  great  advantage 
which,  as  historian,  I  possess  over  my  reader ; 
and  this  it  is,  that,  though  I  cannot  save  the  life 
of  my  favorite  hero,  nor  absolutely  contradict  the 
event  of  a  battle  (both  which  liberties,  though 
often  token  by  the  French  writers  of  the  present 
reign,  I  hold  to  be  utterly  unworthy  of  a  scrupu- 
lous historian),  yet  I  can  now  and  then  make 
him  bestow  on  his  enemy  a  sturdy  back-stroke 
sufficient  to  fell  a  giant,  —  though,  in  honest  truth, 
he  may  never  have  done  anything  of  the  kind,  — 
or  I  can  drive  his  antagonist  clear  round  and 
round  the  field,  as  did  Homer  make  that  fine  fel- 
low Hector  scamper  like  a  poltroon  round  the 
walls  of  Troy  ;  for  which,  if  ever  they  have  en- 
countered one  another  in  the  Elysian  fields,  I  '11 
warrant  the  prince  of  poets  has  had  to  make  the 
most  humble  apology. 

I  am  aware  that  many  conscientious  readers 
will  be  ready  to  cry  out  "  foul  play  !  "  whenever 
I  render  a  little  assistance  to  my  hero,  but  I  con- 
sider it  one  of  those  privileges  exercised  by  his- 


416  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

torians  of  all  ages,  and  one  which  has  never  been 
disputed.  An  historian  is,  in  fact,  as  it  were, 
bound  in  honor  to  stand  by  his  hero ;  the  fame 
of  the  latter  is  intrusted  to  his  hands,  and  it  is 
his  duty  to  do  the  best  by  it  he  can.  Never  was 
there  a  general,  an  admiral,  or  any  other  com- 
mander, who,  in  giving  account  of  any  battle  he 
had  fought,  did  not  sorely  belabor  the  enemy ; 
and  I  have  no  doubt  that,  had  my  heroes  written 
the  history  of  their  own  achievements,  they  would 
have  dealt  much  harder  blows  than  any  that  I 
shall  recount.  Standing  forth,  therefore,  as  the 
guardian  of  their  fame,  it  behooves  me  to  do  them 
the  same  justice  they  would  have  done  them- 
selves ;  and  if  I  happen  to  be  a  little  hard  upon 
the  Swedes,  I  give  free  leave  to  any  of  their 
descendants,  who  may  write  a  story  of  the  State 
of  Delaware,  to  take  fair  retaliation,  and  belabor 
Peter  Stuyvesant  as  hard  as  they  please. 

Therefore  stand  by  for  broken  heads  and 
bloody  noses !  My  pen  hath  long  itched  for  a 
battle  ;  siege  after  siege  have  I  carried  on  with- 
out blows  or  bloodshed ;  but  now  I  have  at 
length  got  a  chance,  and  I  vow  to  Heaven  and 
St.  Nicholas,  that,  let  the  chronicles  of  the  times 
say  what  they  please,  neither  Sallust,  Livy,  Taci- 
tus, Polybius,  nor  any  other  historian,  did  ever 
record  a  fiercer  fight  than  that  in  which  my  val- 
iant chieftains  are  now  about  to  engage. 

And  you,  oh  most  excellent  readers,  whom,  for 
your  faithful  adherence,  I  could  cherish  in  the 
warmest  corner  of  my  heart,  be  not  uneasy,  — 
trust  the  fate  of  our  favorite  Stuyvesant  with  me, 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  417 

for  by  the  rood,  come  what  may,  I'll  stick  by 
Hardkoppig  Piet  to  the  last.  I'll  make  him 
drive  about  these  losels  vile,  as  did  the  renowned 
Launcelot  of  the  Lake  a  herd  of  recreant  Cor- 
nish knights ;  arid  if  he  does  fall,  let  me  never 
draw  my  pen  to  fight  another  battle  in  behalf  of 
a  brave  man,  if  I  don't  make  these  lubberly 
Swedes  pay  for  it! 

No  sooner  had  Peter  Stuyvesant  arrived  at 
Fort  Christina  than  he  proceeded  without  delay 
to  intrench  himself,  and  immediately  on  running 
his  first  parallel,  dispatched  Antony  Van  Corlear 
to  summon  the  fortress  to  surrender.  Van  Cor- 
lear was  received  with  all  due  formality,  hood- 
winked at  the  portal,  and  conducted  through  a 
pestiferous  smell  of  salt  fish  and  onions  to  the 
citadel,  a  substantial  hut  built  of  pine  logs.  His 
eyes  were  here  uncovered,  and  he  found  himself 
in  the  august  presence  of  Governor  Risingh. 
This  chieftain,  as  I  have  before  noted,  was  a  very 
giantly  man,  and  was  clad  in  a  coarse  blue  coat, 
strapped  round  the  waist  with  a  leathern  belt, 
which  caused  the  enormous  skirts  and  pockets  to 
set  off  with  a  very  warlike  sweep.  His  ponder- 
ous legs  were  cased  in  a  pair  of  foxy-colored 
jackboots,  and  he  was  straddling  in  the  attitude 
of  the  Colossus  of  Rhodes  before  a  bit  of  broken 
looking-glass,  shaving  himself  with  a  villanously 
dull  razor.  This  afflicting  operation  caused  him 
to  make  a  series  of  horrible  grimaces,  which 
heightened  exceedingly  the  grisly  terrors  of  his 
visage.  On  Antony  Van  Corlear's  being  an- 
nounced, the  grim  commander  paused  for  a  mo- 


418  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

ment  in  the  midst  of  one  of  his  most  hard-fa- 
vored contortions,  and  after  eying  him  askance 
over  the  shoulder,  with  a  kind  of  snarling  grin 
on  his  countenance,  resumed  his  labors  at  the 
glass. 

This  iron  harvest  being  reaped,  he  turned  once 
more  to  the  trumpeter,  and  demanded  the  purport 
of  his  errand.  Antony  Van  Corlear  delivered 
in  a  few  words,  being  a  kind  of  short-hand 
speaker,  a  long  message  from  his  Excellency,  re- 
counting the  whole  history  of  the  province,  with 
a  recapitulation  of  grievances,  and  enumeration 
of  claims,  and  concluding  with  a  peremptory 
demand  of  instant  surrender ;  which  done,  he 
turned  aside,  took  Ids  nose  between  his  thumb 
and  fingers,  and  blew  a  tremendous  blast,  not 
unlike  the  flourish  of  a  trumpet  of  defiance, — 
which  it  had  doubtless  learned  from  a  long  and 
intimate  neighborhood  with  that  melodious  instru- 
ment. 

Governor  Risingh  heard  him  through,  trumpet 
and  all,  but  with  infinite  impatience,  —  leaning 
at  times,  as  was  his  usual  custom,  on  the  pommel 
of  his  sword,  and  at  times  twirling  a  huge  steel 
watch-chain,  or  snapping  his  fingers.  Van  Cor- 
lear having  finished,  he  bluntly  replied,  that  Peter 
Stuyvesant  and  his  summons  might  go  to  the 
d — 1,  whither  he  hoped  to  send  him  and  his  crew 
of  ragamuffins  before  supper-time.  Then  un- 
sheathing his  brass-hilted  sword,  and  throwing 
away  the  scabbard,  —  "  'Fore  gad,"  quod  he,  "  but 
I  will  not  sheathe  thee  again  until  I  make  a 
scabbard  of  the  smoke-dried  leathern  hide  of  this 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  419 

runagate  Dutchman."  Then  having  flung  a  fierce 
defiance  in  the  teetli  of  his  adversary  by  the  lips 
of  his  messenger,  the  latter  was  reconducted  to 
the  portal  with  all  the  ceremonious  civility  due 
to  the  trumpeter,  squire,  and  ambassador  of  so 
great  a  commander;  and  being  again  unblinded, 
was  courteously  dismissed  with  a  tweak  of  the 
nose,  to  assist  him  in'  recollecting  his  message. 

No  sooner  did  the  gallant  Peter  receive  this 
insolent  reply  than  he  let  fly  a  tremendous  volley 
of  red-hot  execrations,  which  Avould  infallibly 
have  battered  down  the  fortifications,  and  blown 
up  the  powder-magazine  about  the  ears  of  the 
fiery  Swede,  had  not  the  ramparts  been  remark- 
ably strong,  and  the  magazine  bomb-proof.  Per- 
ceiving that  the  works  withstood  this  terrific 
blast,  and  that  it  was  utterly  impossible  (as  it 
really  was  in  those  unphilosophic  days)  to  carry 
on  a  war  with  words,  he  ordered  his  merry  men 
all  to  prepare  .for  an  immediate  assault.  But 
here  a  strange  murmur  broke  out  among  his 
troops,  beginning  with  the  tribe  of  the  Van  Bum- 
mels,  those  valiant  trenchermen  of  the  Bronx, 
and  spreading  from  man  to  man,  accompanied 
with  certain  mutinous  looks  and  discontented 
murmurs.  For  once  in  his  life,  and  only  for 
once,  did  the  great  Peter  turn  pale,  for  he  verily 
thought  his  warriors  were  going  to  falter  in  this 
hour  of  perilous  trial,  and  thus  to  tarnish  for- 
ever the  fame  of  the  province  of  New  Nether- 
lands. 

But  soon  did  he  discover,  to  his  great  joy,  that 
in  his  suspicion  he  deeply  wronged  his  most  un- 


420  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

daunted  army  ;  for  the  cause  of  this  agitation  and 
uneasiness  simply  was,  that  the  hour  of  dinner 
was  at  hand,  and  it  would  have  almost  broken 
the  hearts  of  these  regular  Dutch  warriors  to 
have  hroken  in  upon  the  invariable  routine  of 
their  habits.  Besides,  it  was  an  established  rule 
among  our  ancestors  always  to  fight  upon  a  full 
stomach ;  and  to  this  may  be  doubtless  attributed 
the  circumstance  that  they  -came  to  be  so  re- 
nowned in  arms. 

And  now  are  the  hearty  men  of  the  Manhat- 
toes,  and  their  no  less  hearty  comrades,  all  lustily 
engaged  under  the  trees,  buffeting  stoutly  with 
the  contents  of  their  wallets,  and  taking  such 
affectionate  embraces  of  their  canteens  and  pot- 
tles as  though  they  verily  believed  they  were  to 
be  the  last.  And  as  I  foresee  we  shall  have  hot 
work  in  a  page  or  two,  I  advise  my  readers  to  do 
the  same,  for  which  purpose  I  will  bring  this 
chapter  to  a  close,  —  giving  them  my  word  of 
honor,  that  no  advantage  shall  be  taken  of  this 
armistice  to  surprise,  or  in  any  wise  molest,  the 
honest  Nederlanders  while  at  their  vigorous  re- 
past. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  421 


CHAPTER    VIII. 


PROSE  ;    WITH  TUB  ADMIE 


W  had  the  Dutchmen  snatched  a  huge 
repast,  and  finding  themselves  wonder- 
fully encouraged  and  animated  thereby, 
prepared  to  take  the  field.  Expectation,  says 
the  writer  of  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  — 
Expectation  now  stood  on  stilts.  The  world  for- 
got to  turn  round,  or  rather  stood  still,  that  it 
might  witness  the  affray,  —  like  a  round-bellied 
alderman,  watching  the  combat  of  two  chivalrous 
flies  upon  his  jerkin.  The  eyes  of  all  mankind, 
as  usual  in  such  cases,  were  turned  upon  Fort 
Christina.  The  sun,  like  a  little  man  in  a  crowd 
at  a  puppet-show,  scampered  about  the  heavens, 
popping  his  head  here  and  there,  and  endeav- 
oring to  get  a  peep  between  the  unmannerly 
clouds  that  obtruded  themselves  in  his  way. 
The  historians  filled  their  inkhorns  ;  the  poets 
went  without  their  dinners,  either  that  they  might 
buy  paper  and  goose-quills,  or  because  they  could 
not  get  anything  to  eat.  Antiquity  scowled  sul- 
kily out  of  its  grave,  to  see  itself  outdone,  — 
while  even  Posterity  stood  mute,  gazing  in  gap- 
ing ecstasy  of  retrospection  on  the  eventful  field. 
The  immortal  deities,  who  whilom  had  seen 


422  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

service  at  the  "  affair "  of  Troy,  now  mounted 
their  feather-bed  clouds,  and  sailed  over  the  plain, 
or  mingled  among  the  combatants  in  different  dis- 
guises, all  itching  to  have  a  finger  in  the  pie. 
Jupiter  sent  off  his  thunderbolt  to  a  noted  cop- 
persmith, to  have  it  furbished  up  for  the  direful 
occasion.  Venus  vowed  by  her  chastity  to  pat- 
ronize the  Swedes,  and  in  semblance  of  a  blear- 
eyed  trull  paraded  the  battlements  of  Fort  Chris- 
tina, accompanied  by  Diana,  as  a  sergeant's  wid- 
ow, of  cracked  reputation.  The  noted  bully, 
Mars,  stuck  two  horse-pistols  into  his  belt,  shoul- 
dered a  rusty  firelock,  and  gallantly  swaggered  at 
their  elbow,  as  a  drunken  corporal,  —  while 
Apollo  trudged  in  their  rear,  as  a  bandy-legged 
fifer,  playing  most  villanously  out  of  tune. 

On  the  other  side,  the  ox-eyed  Juno,  who  had 
gained  a  pair  of  black  eyes  overnight,  in  one  of 
her  curtain-lectures  with  old  Jupiter,  displayed 
her  haughty  beauties  on  a  baggage- wagon ;  Mi- 
nerva, as  a  brawny  gin-suttler,  tucked  up  her 
skirts,  brandished  her  fists,  and  swore  most  hero- 
ically, in  exceeding  bad  Dutch  (having  but  lately 
studied  the  language),  by  way  of  keeping  up  the 
spirits  of  the  soldiers  ;  while  Vulcan  halted  as  a 
club-footed  blacksmith,  lately  promoted  to  be  a 
captain  of  militia.  All  was  silent  awe,  or  bus- 
tling preparation :  war  reared  his  horrid  front, 
gnashed  loud  his  iron  fangs,  and  shook  his  direful 
crest  of  bristling  bayonets. 

And  now  the  mighty  chieftains  marshalled  out 
their  hosts.  Here  stood  stout  Risingh,  firm  as  a 
thousand  rocks,  —  incrusted  with  stockades,  and 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  423 

intrenched  to  the  chin  in  mud  batteries.  His 
valiant  soldiery  lined  the  breastwork  in  grim 
array,  each  having  his  mustachios  fiercely  greased, 
and  his  hair  pomatumed  back,  and  queued  so 
stiffly,  that  he  grinned  above  the  ramparts  like  a 
grisly  death's-head. 

There  came  on  the  intrepid  Peter,  —  his  brows 
knit,  his  teeth  set,  his  fists  clenched,  almost 
breathing  forth  volumes  of  smoke,  so  fierce  was 
the  fire  that  raged  within  his  bosom.  His  faith- 
ful squire  Van  Corlear  trudged  valiantly  at  his 
heels,  with  his  trumpet  gorgeously  bedecked  with 
red  and  yellow  ribbons,  the  remembrances  of  his 
fair  mistresses  at  the  Marihattoes.  Then  came 
waddling  on  the  sturdy  chivalry  of  the  Hudson. 
There  were  the  Van  Wycks,  arid  the  Van  Dycks, 
and  the  Ten  Eycks ;  the  Van  Nesses,  the  Van 
Tassels,  the  Van  Grolls ;  the  Van  Hoesens,  the 
Van  Giesons,  and  the  Van  Blarcoms  ;  the  Van 
Warts,  the  Van  Winkles,  the  Van  Dams;  the 
Van  Pelts,  the  Van  Rippers,  and  the  Van  Brunts. 
There  were  the  Van  Homes,  the  Van  Hooks,  the 
Van  Bunschotens ;  the  Van  Geldei's,  the  Van 
Arsdales,  and  the  Van  Bummels ;  the  Vander 
Belts,  the  Vander  Hoofs,  the  Vander  Voorts,  the 
Vander  Lyns,  the  Vander  Pools,  and  the  Vander 
Spiegles  ;  —  then  came  the  Hoffmans,  the  Hoogh- 
lands,  the  Hoppers,  the  Cloppers,  the  Ryckmans, 
the  Dyckmans,  the  Hogebooms,  the  Rosebooms, 
the  Oothouts,  the  Quackenbosses,  the  Roerbacks, 
the  Garrebrantzes,  the  Bensons,  the  Brouwers, 
the  Waldrons,  the  Onderdonks,  the  Varra  Van- 
gers,  the  Schennerhorns,  the  Stoutenburghs,  the 


424  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Briiikerhoffs,  the  Bontecous,  the  Knickerbockers, 
the  Hockstrassers,  the  Ten  Breecheses  and  the 
Tough  Breecheses,  with  a  host  more  of  worthies, 
whose  names  are  too  crabbed  to  be  written,  or  if 
they  could  be  written,  it  would  be  impossible  for 
man  to  utter,  —  all  fortified  with  a  mighty  din- 
ner, and,  to  use  the  words  of  a  great  Dutch  poet, 

"  Brimful  of  wrath  and  cabbage." 

For  an  instant  the  mighty  Peter  paused  in  the 
midst  of  his  career,  and  mounting  on  a  stump, 
addressed  his  troops  in  eloquent  Low  Dutch,  ex- 
horting them  to  fight  like  duyvels,  and  assuring 
them  that  if  they  conquered,  they  should  get 
plenty  of  booty,  —  if  they  fell,  they  should  be 
allowed  the  satisfaction,  while  dying,  of  reflecting 
that  it  was  in  the  service  of  their  country,  and 
after  they  were  dead,  of  seeing  their  names  in- 
scribed in  the  temple  of  renown,  and  handed 
down,  in  company  with  all  the  other  great  men 
of  the  year,  for  the  admiration  of  posterity. 
Finally,  he  swore  to  them,  on  the  word  of  a  gov- 
ernor (and  they  knew  him  too  well  to  doubt  it 
for  a  moment),  that  if  he  caught  any  mother's 
son  of  them  looking  pale,  or  playing  craven,  he 
would  curry  his  hide  till  he  made  him  run  out 
of  it  like  a  snake  in  spring-time.  Then  lugging 
out  his  trusty  sabre,  he  brandished  it  three  times 
over  his  head,  ordered  Van  Corlear  to  sound  a 
charge,  and  shouting  the  words  "  St.  Nicholas 
and  the  Manhattoes  ! "  courageously  dashed  for- 
wards. His  warlike  followers,  who  had  employed 
the  interval  in  lighting  their  pipes,  instantly  stuck 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  425 

them  into  their  mouths,  gave  a  furious  puff,  and 
charged  gallantly  under  cover  of  the  smoke. 

The  Swedish  garrison,  ordered  by  the  cunning 
Risingh  not  to  fire  until  they  could  distinguish 
the  whites  of  their  assailants'  eyes,  stood  in  hor- 
rid silence  on  the  covert-way,  until  the  eager 
Dutchmen  had  ascended  the  glacis.  Then  did 
they  pour  into  them  such  a  tremendous  volley, 
that  the  very  hills  quaked  around,  and  were  ter- 
rified even  unto  an  incontinence  of  water,  inso- 
much that  certain  springs  burst  forth  from  their 
sides,  which  continue  to  run  unto  the  present 
day.  Not  a  Dutchman  but  would  have  bitten 
the  dust  beneath  that  dreadful  fire,  had  not  the 
protecting  Minerva  kindly  taken  care  that  the 
Swedes  should,  one  and  all,  observe  their  usual 
custom  of  shutting  their  eyes  and  turning  away 
their  heads  at  the  moment  of  discharge. 

The  Swedes  followed  up  their  fire  by  leaping 
the  counterscarp,  and  falling  tooth  and  nail  upon 
the  foe  with  furious  outcries.  And  now  might 
be  seen  prodigies  of  valor,  unmatched  in  history 
or  song.  Here  was  the  sturdy  Stoffel  Brinker- 
hoff  brandishing  his  quarter-staff,  like  the  giant 
Blanderon  his  oak-tree  (for  he  scorned  to  carry 
any  other  weapon),  and  drumming  a  horrific  tune 
upon  the  hard  heads  of  the  Swedish  soldiery. 
There  were  the  Van  Kortlandts,  posted  at  a  dis- 
tance, like  the  Locrian  archers  of  yore,  and  ply- 
ing it  most  potently  with  the  long-bow,  for  which 
they  were  so  justly  renowned.  On  a  rising  knoll 
were  gathered  the  valiant  men  of  Sing-Sing,  as- 
sisting marvellously  in  the  fight,  by  chanting  the 


426  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

great  song  of  St.  Nicholas  ;  but  as  to  the  Gar- 
deniers  of  Hudson,  they  were  absent  on  a  ma- 
rauding party,  laying  waste  the  neighboring 
water-melon  patches. 

In  a  different  part  of  the  field  were  the  Van 
Grolls  of  Antony's  Nose,  struggling  to  get  to 
the  thickest  of  the  fight,  but  horribly  perplexed 
in  a  defile  between  two  hills,  by  reason  of  the 
length  of  their  nose's.  So  also  the  Van  Bunscho- 
tens  of  Nyack  and  Kakiat,  so  renowned  for  kick- 
ing with  the  left  foot,  were  brought  to  a  stand  for 
want  of  wind,  in  consequence  of  the  hearty  din- 
ner they  had  eaten,  and  would  have  been  put  to 
utter  rout  but  for  the  arrival  of  a  gallant  corps 
of  voltigeurs,  composed  of  the  Hoppers,  who  ad- 
vanced nimbly  to  their  assistance  on  one  foot. 
Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention  the  valiant  achieve- 
ments of  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who,  for  a  good 
quarter  of  an  hour,  waged  stubborn  fight  with  a 
little  pursy  Swedish  drummer,  whose  hide  he 
drummed  most  magnificently,  and  whom  he  would 
infallibly  have  annihilated  on  the  spot,  but  that 
he  had  come  into  the  battle  with  no  other  weapon 
but  his  trumpet. 

But  now  the  combat  thickened.  On  came  the 
mighty  Jacobus  Varra  Vanger  and  the  fighting- 
men  of  the  Wallabout ;  after  them  thundered  the 
Van  Pelts  of  Esopus,  together  with  the  Van 
Rippers  and  the  Van  Brunts,  bearing  down  all 
before  them  ;  then  the  Suy  Dams,  and  the  Van 
Dams,  pressing  forward  with  many  a  blustering 
oath,  at  the  head  of  the  warriors  of  Hell-gate, 
clad  in  their  thunder-and-lightning  gaberdines ; 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  427 

and  lastly,  the  standard-bearers  and  body-guard 
of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  bearing  the  great  beaver  of 
the  Manhattoes. 

And  now  commenced  the  horrid  din,  the  des- 
perate struggle,  the  maddening  ferocity,  the  frantic 
desperation,  the  confusion  and  self-abandonment 
of  war.  Dutchman  and  Swede  commingled, 
tugged,  panted,  and  blowed.  The  heavens  were 
darkened  with  a  tempest  of  missives.  Bang! 
went  the  guns  ;  whack  !  went  the  broad-swords  ; 
thump  !  went  the  cudgels  ;  crash  !  went  the  mus- 
ket-stocks ;  blows,  kicks,  cuffs,  scratches,  black 
eyes  and  bloody  noses  swelling  the  horrors  of 
the  scene  !  Thick  thwack,  cut  and  hack,  helter- 
skelter,  higgledy-piggledy,  hurly-burly,  head- 
over-heels,  rough-and-tumble  !  Dunder  and  blix- 
um  !  swore  the  Dutchmen  ;  splitter  and  splutter  ! 
cried  the  Swedes.  Storm  the  works  !  shouted 
Hardkoppig  Peter.  Fire  the  mine !  roared  stout 
Risingh.  Tanta-rar-ra-ra !  twanged  the  trumpet 
of  Antony  Van  Corlear ;  —  until  all  voice  and 
sound  became  unintelligible,  —  grunts  of  pain, 
yells  of  fury,  and  shouts  of  triumph  mingling  in 
one  hideous  clamor.  The  earth  shook  as  if  struck 
with  a  paralytic  stroke ;  trees  shrunk  aghast,  and 
withered  at  the  sight;  rocks  burrowed  in  the 
ground  like  rabbits  ;  and  even  Christina  creek 
turned  from  its  course,  and  ran  up  a  hill  in 
breathless  terror! 

Long  hung  the  contest  doubtful  ;  for  though 
a  heavy  shower  of  rain,  sent  by  the  "  cloud-com- 
pelling Jove,"  in  some  measure  cooled  their  ardor, 
as  doth  a  bucket  of  water  tlirown  on  a  group 


428  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

of  fighting  mastiffs,  yet  did  they  but  pause  for 
a  moment,  to  return  with  tenfold  fury  to  the 
charge.  Just  at  this  juncture  a  vast  and  dense 
column  of  smoke  was  seen  slowly  rolling  toward 
the  scene  of  battle.  The  combatants  paused  for 
a  moment,  gazing  in  mute  astonishment,  until  the 
wind,  dispelling  the  murky  cloud,  revealed  the 
flaunting  banner  of  Michael  Paw,  the  Patroon  of 
Communipaw.  That  valiant  chieftain  came  fear- 
lessly on  at  the  head  of  a  phalanx  of  oyster-fed 
Pavonians  and  a  corps  de  reserve  of  the  Van 
Arsdales  and  Van  Bummels,  who  had  remained 
behind  to  digest  the  enormous  dinner  they  had 
eaten.  These  now  trudged  manfully  forward, 
smoking  their  pipes  with  outrageous  vigor,  so  as 
to  raise  the  awful  cloud  that  has  been  mentioned, 
but  marching  exceedingly  slow,  being  short  of 
leg,  and  of  great  rotundity  in  the  belt. 

And  now  the  deities  who  watched  over  the 
fortunes  of  the  Nederlanders  having  unthinkingly 
left  the  field,  and  stepped  into  a  neighboring 
tavern  to  refresh  themselves  with  a  pot  of  beer, 
a  direful  catastrophe  had  wellnigh  ensued.  Scarce 
had  the  myrmidons  of  Michael  Paw  attained  the 
front  of  battle,  when  the  Swedes,  instructed  by 
the  cunning  Risingh,  levelled  a  shower  of  blows 
full  at  their  tobacco-pipes.  Astounded  at  this 
assault,  and  dismayed  at  the  havoc  of  their  pipes, 
these  ponderous  warriors  gave  way,  and  like  a 
drove  of  frightened  elephants  broke  through  the 
ranks  of  their  own  army.  The  little  Hoppers 
were  borne  down  in  the  surge ;  the  sacred  banner 
emblazoned  with  the  gigantic  oyster  of  Commu- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  429 

nipaw  was  trampled  in  the  dirt;  on  blundered 
and  thundered  the  heavy-sterned  fugitives,  the 
Swedes  pressing  on  their  rear  and  applying  their 
feet  a  parte  paste  of  the  Van  Arsdales  and  the 
Van  Bummels  with  a  vigor  that  prodigiously 
accelerated  their  movements ;  nor  did  the  re- 
nowned Michael  Paw  himself  fail  to  receive 
divers  grievous  and  dishonorable  visitations  of 
shoe-leather. 

But  what,  oh  Muse !  was  the  rage  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant,  when  from  afar  he  saw  his  army  giv- 
ing way !  In  the  transports  of  his  wrath  he  sent 
forth  a  roar,  enough  to  shake  the  very  hills.  The 
men  of  the  Manhattoes  plucked  up  new  courage 
at  the  sound,  or,  rather,  they  rallied  at  the  voice 
of  their  leader,  of  whom  they  stood  more  in  awe 
than  of  all  the  Swedes  in  Christendom.  With- 
out waiting  for  their  aid,  the  daring  Peter  dashed, 
sword  in  hand,  into  the  thickest  of  the  foe. 
Then  might  be  seen  achievements  Avorthy  of 
the  days  of  the  giants.  Wherever  he  went,  the 
enemy  shrank  before  him;  the  Swedes  fled  to 
right  and  left,  or  were  driven,  like  dogs,  into  their 
own  ditch ;  but  as  he  pushed  forward  singly  with 
headlong  courage,  the  foe  closed  behind  and  hung 
upon  his  rear.  One  aimed  a  blow  full  at  his 
heart ;  but  the  protecting  power  which  watches 
over  the  great  and  good  turned  aside  the  hostile 
blade  and  directed  it  to  a  side-pocket,  where  re- 
posed an  enormous  iron  tobacco-box,  endowed, 
like  the  shield  of  Achilles,  with  supernatural 
powei's,  doubtless  from  bearing  the  portrait  of 
the  blessed  St.  Nicholas.  Peter  Stuyvesant  turned 


430  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

like  an  angry  bear  upon  the  foe,  and  seizing  him, 
as  he  fled,  by  an  immeasurable  queue,  "  Ah, 
whoreson  caterpillar,"  roared  he,  "  here 's  what 
shall  make  worms'  meat  of  thee  !  "  So  saying,  he 
whirled  his  sword,  and  dealt  a  blow  that  would 
have  decapitated  the  varlet,  but  that  the  pitying 
steel  struck  short  and  shaved  the  queue  forever 
from  his  crown.  At  this  moment  an  arquebusier 
levelled  his  piece  from  a  neighboring  mound,  with 
deadly  aim ;  but  the  watchful  Minerva,  who  had 
just  stopped  to  tie  up  her  garter,  seeing  the  peril 
of  her  favorite  hero,  sent  old  Boreas  with  his 
bellows,  who,  as  the  match  descended  to  the  pan, 
gave  a  blast  that  blew  the  priming  from  the 
touch-hole. 

Thus  waged  the  fight,  Avhen  the  stout  Risingh, 
surveying  the  field  from  the  top  of  a  little  ravelin, 
perceived  his  troops  banged,  beaten,  and  kicked 
by  the  invincible  Peter.  Drawing  his  falchion 
and  uttering  a  thousand  anathemas,  he  strode 
down  to  the  scene  of  combat  with  some  such 
thundering  strides  as  Jupiter  is  said  by  Hesiod 
to  have  taken  when  he  strode  down  the  spheres 
to  hurl  his  thunder-bolts  at  the  Titans. 

When  the  rival  heroes  came  face  to  face,  each 
made  a  prodigious  start  in  the  style  of  a  veteran 
stage-champion.  Then  did  they  regard  each 
other  for  a  moment  with  the  bitter  aspect  of 
two  furious  ram-cats  on  the  point  of  a  clapper- 
clawing. Then  did  they  throw  themselves  into 
one  attitude,  then  into  another,  striking  their 
swords  on  the  ground,  first  on  the  right  side,  then 
on  the  left ;  at  last  at  it  they  went,  with  incredi- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  431 

ble  ferocity.  Words  cannot  tell  the  prodigies  of 
strength  and  valor  displayed  in  this  direful  en- 
counter, —  an  encounter  compared  to  which  the 
far-fumed  battles  of  Ajax  with  Hector,  of  -ZEneas 
with  Turnus,  Orlando  with  Rodomont,  Guy  of 
Warwick  with  Colbrand  the  Dane,  or  of  that 
renowned  Welsh  knight,  Sir  Owen  of  the  Moun- 
tains, with  the  giant  Guylon,  were  all  gentle 
sports  and  holiday  recreations.  At  length  the 
valiant  Peter,  watching  his  opportunity,  aimed  a 
blow,  enough  to  cleave  his  adversary  to  the  very 
chine  ;  but  Risingh,  nimbly  raising  his  sword, 
warded  it  off  so  narrowly,  that,  glancing  on  one 
side,  it  shaved  away  a  huge  canteen  in  wliich  he 
carried  his  liquor,  —  thence  pursuing  its  trench- 
ant course,  it  severed  off  a  deep  coat-pocket, 
stored  with  bread  and  cheese,  —  which  provant 
rolling  among  the  armies,  occasioned  a  fearful 
scrambling  between  the  Swedes  and  Dutchmen, 
and  made  the  general  battle  to  wax  more  furious 
than  ever. 

Enraged  to  see  his  military  stores  laid  waste, 
the  stout  Risingh,  collecting  all  his  forces,  aimed 
a  mighty  blow  full  at  the  hero's  crest.  In  vain 
did  his  fierce  little  cocked  hat  oppose  its  course. 
The  biting  steel  clove  through  the  stubborn  ram 
beaver,  and  would  have  cracked  the  crown  of 
any  one  not  endowed  with  supernatural  hardness 
of  head;  but  the  brittle  weapon  shivered  in 
pieces  on  the  skull  of  Hardkoppig  Piet,  shedding 
a  thousand  sparks,  like  beams  of  glory,  round 
his  grizzly  visage. 

The   good   Peter  reeled  with   the  blow,  and 


432  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

turning  up  his  eyes  beheld  a  thousand  suns,  be- 
sides moons  and  stars,  dancing  about  the  firma- 
ment; at  length,  missing  his  footing,  by  reason 
of  his  wooden  leg,  down  he  came  on  his  seat  of 
honor  with  a  crash  which  shook  the  surrounding 
hills,  and  might  have  wrecked  his  frame,  had  he 
not  been  received  into  a  cushion  softer  than  vel- 
vet, which  Providence,  or  Minerva,  or  St.  Nicho- 
las, or  some  cow,  had  benevolently  prepared  for 
his  reception. 

The  furious  Risingh,  in  despite  of  the  maxim, 
cherished  by  all  true  knights,  that  "  fair  play 
is  a  jewel,"  hastened  to  take  advantage  of  the 
hero's  fall ;  but,  as  he  stooped  to  give  a  fatal 
blow,  Peter  Stuyvesant  dealt  him  a  thwack  over 
the  sconce  with  his  wooden  leg,  which  set  a 
chime  of  bells  ringing  triple  bob-majors  hi  his 
cerebellum.  The  bewildered  Swede  staggered 
with  the  blow,  and  the  wary  Peter  seizing  a 
pocket-pistol,  which  lay  hard  by,  discharged  it 
full  at  the  head  of  the  reeling  Risingh.  Let  not 
my  reader  mistake ;  it  was  not  a  murderous 
weapon  loaded  with  powder  and  ball,  but  a  little 
sturdy  stone  pottle  charged  to  the  muzzle  with  a 
double  dram  of  true  Dutch  courage,  which  the 
knowing  Antony  Van  Corlear  carried  about  him 
by  way  of  replenishing  his  valor,  and  which  had 
dropped  from  his  wallet  during  his  furious  en- 
counter with  the  drummer.  The  hideous  weapon 
sang  through  the  air,  and  true  to  its  course  as 
was  the  fragment  of  a  rock  discharged  at  Hector 
by  bully  Ajax,  encountered  the  head  of  the  gigan- 
tic Swede  with  matchless  violence. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW    YORK.  433 

This  heaven-directed  blow  decided  the  battle. 
The  ponderous  pericranium  of  General  Jan  Ris- 
ingh  sank  upon  his  breast;  his  knees  tottered 
under  him ;  a  deathlike  torpor  seized  upon  his 
frame,  and  he  tumbled  to  the  earth  with  such 
violence,  that  old  Pluto  started  with  affright,  lest 
he  should  have  broken  through  the  roof  of  his 
infernal  palace. 

His  fall  was  the  signal  of  defeat  and  victory : 
the  Swedes  gave  way,  the  Dutch  pressed  for- 
ward ;  the  former  took  to  their  heels,  the  latter 
hotly  pursued.  Some  entered  with  them,  pell- 
mell,  through  the  sally-port ;  others  stormed  the 
bastion,  and  others  scrambled  over  the  curtain. 
Thus  in  a  little  while  the  fortress  of  Fort  Chris- 
tina, which,  like  another  Troy,  had  stood  a  siege 
of  full  ten  hours,  was  carried  by  assault,  with- 
out the  loss  of  a  single  man  on  either  side.  Vic- 
tory, in  the  likeness  of  a  gigantic  ox-fly,  sat 
perched  upon  the  cocked  hat  of  the  gallant  Stuy- 
vesant ;  and  it  was  declared,  by  all  the  writers 
whom  he  hired  to  write  the  history  of  his  expe- 
dition, that  on  this  memorable  day  he  gained  a 
sufficient  quantity  of  glory  to  immortalize  a  dozen 
of  the  greatest  heroes  in  Christendom ! 


434  HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER   IX. 


IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  AND  THE  READER,  WHILE  REPOSING  AFTER  THE 
BATTLE,  FALL  INTO  A  VERY  GRAVE  DISCOURSE  —  AFTER  WHICH  IS 
RECORDED  THE  CONDUCT  OF  PETER  STUYVESANT  AFTER  HIS  VICTORY. 


'HANKS  to  St.  Nicholas,  we  have  safely 
finished  this  tremendous  battle  :  let  us 
sit  down,  my  worthy  reader,  and  cool 
ourselves,  for  I  am  in  a  prodigious  sweat  and 
agitation  ;  truly  this  fighting  of  battles  is  hot 
work  !  and  if  your  great  commanders  did  but 
know  what  trouble  they  give  their  historians, 
they  Avould  not  have  the  conscience  to  achieve  so 
many  horrible  victories.  But  methinks  I  hear 
my  reader  complain,  that  throughout  this  boasted 
battle  there  is  not  the  least  slaughter,  nor  a  sin- 
gle individual  maimed,  if  we  except  the  unhappy 
Swede,  who  was  shorn  of  his  queue  by  the  tren- 
chant blade  of  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  all  which,  he 
observes,  is  a  great  outrage  on  probability,  and 
highly  injurious  to  the  interest  of  the  narration. 

This  is  certainly  an  objection  of  no  little  mo- 
ment, but  it  arises  entirely  from  the  obscurity 
enveloping  the  remote  periods  of  time  about 
which  I  have  undertaken  to  write.  Thus,  thougli 
doubtless,  from  the  importance  of  the  object  and 
the  prowess  of  the  parties  concerned,  there  must 
have  been  terrible  carnage,  and  prodigies  of  valor 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  435 

displayed  before  the  walls  of  Christina,  yet,  not- 
withstanding that  I  have  consulted  every  history, 
manuscript,  and  tradition,  touching  this  memora- 
ble though  long-forgotten  battle,  I  cannot  find 
mention  made  of  a  single  man  killed  or  wounded 
in  the  whole  affair. 

This  is,  without  doubt,  owing  to  the  extreme 
modesty  of  our  forefathers,  who,  unlike  their 
descendants,  were  never  prone  to  vaunt  of  their 
achievements ;  but  it  is  a  virtue  which  places 
their  historian  in  a  most  embarrassing  predica- 
ment ;  for,  having  promised  my  readers  a  hideous 
and  unparalleled  battle,  and  having  woi'ked  them 
up  into  a  warlike  and  blood-thirsty  state  of  mind, 
to  put  them  off  without  any  havoc  and  slaughter 
would  have  been  as  bitter  a  disappointment  as 
to  summon  a  multitude  of  good  people  to  attend 
an  execution,  and  then  cruelly  balk  them  by  a 
reprieve. 

Had  the  fates  only  allowed  me  some  half  a 
score  of  dead  men,  I  had  been  content ;  for  I 
would  have  made  them  such  heroes  as  abounded 
in  the  olden  time,  but  whose  race  is  now  unfortu- 
nately extinct,  —  any  one  of  whom,  if  we  may 
believe  those  authentic  writers,  the  poets,  could 
drive  great  armies,  like  sheep,  before  him,  and 
conquer  and  desolate  whole  cities  by  his  single 
arm. 

But  seeing  that  I  had  not  a  single  life  at  my 
disposal,  all  that  was  left  me  was  to  make  the 
most  I  could  of  my  battle,  by  means  of  kicks, 
and  cuffs,  and  bruises,  and  such  like  ignoble 
wounds.  And  here  I  cannot  but  compare  my 


43  6  BIS  T  OR  Y  OF  NE  W  YORK. 

dilemma,  in  some  sort,  to  that  of  the  divine  Mil- 
ton, who,  having  arrayed  with  sublime  prepara- 
tion his  immortal  hosts  against  each  other,  is 
sadly  put  to  it  how  to  manage  them,  and  how  he 
shall  make  the  end  of  his  battle  answer  to  the 
beginning,  inasmuch  as,  being  mere  spirits,  he 
cannot  deal  a  mortal  blow,  nor  even  give  a  flesh 
wound  to  any  of  his  combatants.  For  my  part, 
the  greatest  difficulty  I  found  was,  when  I  had 
once  put  my  warriors  in  a  passion,  and  let  them 
loose  into  the  midst  of  the  enemy,  to  keep  them 
from  doing  mischief.  Many  a  time  had  I  to 
restrain  the  sturdy  Peter  from  cleaving  a  gigan- 
tic Swede  to  the  very  waistband,  or  spitting  half 
a  dozen  little  fellows  on  his  sword,  like  so  many 
sparrows.  And  when  I  had  set  some  hundred 
of  missives  flying  in  the  air,  I  did  not  dare  to 
suffer  'one  of  them  to  reach  the  ground,  lest  it 
should  have  put  an  end  to  some  unlucky  Dutch- 
man. 

The  reader  cannot  conceive  how  mortifying  it 
is  to  a  writer  thus  in  a  manner  to  have  his  hands 
tied,  and  how  many  tempting  opportunities  I  had 
to  wink  at,  where  I  might  have  made  as  fine  a 
death-blow  as  any  recorded  in  history  or  song. 

From  my  own  experience  I  begin  to  doubt 
most  potently  of  the  authenticity  of  many  of 
Homer's  stories.  I  verily  believe,  that,  when  he 
had  once  launched  one  of  his  favorite  heroes 
among  a  crowd  of  the  enemy,  he  cut  down  many 
an  honest  fellow,  without  any  authority  for  so 
doing,  excepting  that  he  presented  a  fair  mark, — 
and  that  often  a  poor  fellow  was  sent  to  grim 


HISTORY   OF  NEW    YORK.  437 

Pluto's  domains,  merely  because  he  had  a  name 
that  would  give  a  sounding  turn  to  a  period. 
But  I  disclaim  all  such  unprincipled  liberties ; 
let  me  but  have  truth  and  the  law  on  my  side, 
and  no  man  would  fight  harder  than  myself;  but 
since  the  various  records  I  consulted  did  not  war- 
rant it,  I  had  too  much  conscience  to  kill  a  single 
soldier.  By  St.  Nicholas,  but  it  would  have 
been  a  pretty  piece  of  business !  My  enemies, 
the  critics,  who  I  foresee  will  be  ready  enough  to 
lay  any  crime  they  can  discover  at  my  door, 
might  have  charged  me  with  murder  outright, 
and  I  should  have  esteemed  myself  lucky  to 
escape  with  no  harsher  verdict  than  manslaugh- 
ter ! 

And  now,  gentle  reader,  that  we  are  tranquilly 
sitting  down  here,  smoking  our  pipes,  permit  me 
to  indulge  in  a  melancholy  reflection  which  at 
this  moment  passes  across  my  mind.  How  vain, 
how  fleeting,  how  uncertain  are  all  those  gaudy 
bubbles  after  which  we  are  panting  and  toiling 
in  this  world  of  fair  delusions !  The  wealth 
which  the  miser  has  amassed  with  so  many  weary 
days,  so  many  sleepless  nights,  a  spendthrift  here 
may  squander  away  in  joyless  prodigality ;  the 
noblest  monuments  which  pride  has  ever  reared 
to  perpetuate  a  name,  the  hand  of  time  will 
shortly  tumble  into  ruins;  and  even  the  brightest 
laurels,  gained  by  feats  of  arms,  ,may  wither, 
and  be  forever  blighted  by  the  chilling  neglect 
of  mankind.  "  How  many  illustrious  heroes," 
says  the  good  Boetius,  "  who  were  once  the  pride 
and  glory  of  the  age,  hath  the  silence  of  his- 


438  HISTORY  OF   NEW  YORK. 

torians  buried  in  eternal  oblivion  !  "  And  this  it 
was  that  induced  the  Spartans,  when  they  went 
to  battle,  solemnly  to  sacrifice  to  the  Muses, 
supplicating  that  their  achievements  might  be 
worthily  recorded.  Had  not  Homer  tuned  his 
lofty  lyre,  observes  the  elegant  Cicero,  the  valor 
of  Achilles  had  remained  unsung.  And  such, 
too,  after  all  the  toils  and  perils  he  had  braved, 
after  all  the  gallant  actions  he  had  achieved,  such 
too  had  nearly  been  the  fate  of  the  chivalric 
Peter  Stuyvesant,  but  that  I  fortunately  stepped 
in  and  engraved  his  name  on  the  indelible  tablet 
of  history,  just  as  the  caitiff  Time  was  silently 
brushing  it  away  forever  ! 

The  more  I  reflect,  the  more  I  am  astonished 
at  the  important  character  of  the  historian.  He 
is  the  sovereign  censor  to  decide  upon  the  renown 
or  infamy  of  his  fellow-men'.  He  is  the  patron 
of  kings  and  conquerors,  on  whom  it  depends 
whether  they  shall  live  in  after-ages,  or  be  for- 
gotten as  were  their  ancestors  before  them.  The 
tyrant  may  oppress  while  the  object  of  his  tyr- 
anny exists ;  but  the  historian  possesses  superior 
might,  for  his  power  extends  even  beyond  the 
grave.  The  shades  of  departed  and  long-for- 
gotten heroes  anxiously  bend  down  from  above, 
while  he  writes,  watching  each  movement  of  his 
pen,  whether  it  shall  pass  by  their  names  with 
neglect,  or  inscribe  them  on  the  deathless  pages 
of  renown.  Even  the  drop  of  ink  which  hangs 
trembling  on  his  pen,  which  he  may  either  dash 
upon  the  floor,  or  waste  in  idle  scrawlings,  — 
that  very  drop,  which  to  him  is  not  worth  the 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  439 

twentieth  part  of  a  farthing,  may  be  of  incalcu- 
lable value  to  some  departed  worthy,  may  elevate 
half  a  score,  in  one  moment,  to  immortality,  who 
would  have  given  worlds,  had  they  possessed 
them,  to  insure  the  glorious  meed. 

Let  not  my  readers  imagine,  however,  that  I 
am  indulging  in  vainglorious  boastings,  or  am 
anxious  to  blazon  forth  the  importance  of  my 
tribe.  On  the  contrary,  I  shrink  when  I  reflect 
on  the  awful  responsibility  we  historians  assume  ; 
I  shudder  to  think  what  direful  commotions  and 
calamities  we  occasion  in  the  world ;  I  swear  to 
thee,  honest  reader,  as  I  am  a  man,  I  weep  at 
the  very  idea !  Why,  let  me  ask,  are  so  many 
illustrious  mea  daily  tearing  themselves  away 
from  the  embraces  of  their  families,  slighting  the 
smiles  of  beauty,  despising  the  allurements  of 
fortune,  and  exposing  themselves  to  the  miseries 
of  war  ?  Why  are  kings  desolating  empires,  and 
depopulating  whole  countries  ?  In  short,  wliat 
induces  all  great  men  of  all  ages  and  countries 
to  commit  so  many  victories  and  misdeeds,  and 
inflict  so  many  miseries  upon  mankind  and  upon 
themselves,  but  the  mere  hope  that  some  histo- 
rian will  kindly  take  them  into  notice,  and  admit 
them  into  a  corner  of  his  volume  ?  For,  in  short, 
the  mighty  object  of  all  their  toils,  their  hard- 
ships, and  privations,  is  nothing  but  immortal 
fame.  And  what  is  immortal  fame  ? —  why,  half 
a  page  of  dirty  paper  !  Alas  !  alas  !  how  humiliat- 
ing the  idea,  that  the  renown  of  so  great  a  man 
as  Peter  Stuyvesant  should  depend  upon  the  pen 
of  so  little  a  man  as  Diedrich  Knickerbocker ! 


440  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

And  now,  having  refreshed  ourselves  after  the 
fatigues  and  perils  of  the  field,  it  behooves  us 
to  return  once  more  to  the  scene  of  conflict,  and 
inquire  what  were  the  results  of  this  renowned 
conquest.  The  fortress  of  Christina  being  the 
fair  metropolis,  and  in  a  manner  the  key  to  New 
Sweden,  its  capture  was  speedily  followed  by  the 
entire  subjugation  of  the  province.  This  was 
not  a  little  promoted  by  the  gallant  and  courteous 
deportment  of  the  chivalric  Peter.  Though  a 
man  terrible  in  battle,  yet  in  the  hour  of  victory 
was  he  endued  with  a  spirit  generous,  merciful, 
and  humane.  He  vaunted  not  over  his  enemies, 
nor  did  he  make  defeat  more  galling  by  unmanly 
insults  ;  for  like  that  mirror  of  knightly  virtue, 
the  renowned  Paladin  Orlando,  he  was  more 
anxious  to  do  great  actions  than  to  talk  of  them 
after  they  were  done.  He  put  no  man  to  death  ; 
ordered  no  houses  to  be  burnt  down ;  permitted 
no  ravages  to  be  perpetrated  on  the  property  of 
the  vanquished  ;  and  even  gave  one  of  his  brav- 
est officers  a  severe  admonishment  with  his  walk- 
ing-staff, for  having  been  detected  in  the  act  of 
sacking  a  hen-roost. 

He  moreover  issued  a  proclamation,  inviting 
the  inhabitants  to  submit  to  the  authority  of 
their  High  Mightinesses ;  but  declaring,  with 
unexampled  clemency,  that  whoever  refused 
should  be  lodged  at  the  public  expense  in  a 
goodly  castle  provided  for  the  purpose,  and  have 
an  armed  retinue  to  wait  on  them  in  the  bargain. 
In  consequence  of  these  beneficent  terms,  about 
thirty  Swedes  stepped  manfully  forward  and  took 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  441 

the  oath  of  allegiance ;  in  reward  for  which  they 
were  graciously  permitted  to  remain  on  the  banks 
of  the  Delaware,  where  their  descendants  reside 
at  this  very  day.  I  am.  told,  however,  by  divers 
observant  travellers,  that  they  have  never  been 
able  to  get  over  the  chapfallen  looks  of  their 
ancestors,  but  that  they  still  do  strangely  trans- 
mit from  father  to  son  manifest  marks  of  the 
sound  drubbing  given  them -by  the  sturdy  Am- 
sterdammers. 

The  whole  country  of  New  Sweden,  having 
thus  yielded  to  the  arms  of  the  triumphant  Peter, 
was  reduced  to  a  colony  called  South  River,  and 
placed  under  the  superintendence  of  a  lieutenant- 
governor,  subject  to  the  control  of  the  supreme 
government  of  New  Amsterdam.  This  great  dig- 
nitary was  called  Mynheer  William  Beekman,  or 
rather  Heck-mnii,  who  derived  his  surname,  as 
did  Ovidious  Naso  of  yore,  from  the  lordly  di- 
mensions of  his  nose,  which  projected  from  the 
centre  of  his  countenance,  like  the  beak  of  a  par- 
rot, lie  was  the  great  progenitor  of  the  tribe 
of  the  Beekmans,  one  of  the  most  ancient  and 
honorable  families  of  the  province,  the  members 
of  which  do  gratefully  commemorate  the  origin 
of  their  dignity,  —  not  as  your  noble  families  in 
England  would  jlo,  by  having  a  glowing  pro- 
boscis emblazoned  in  their  escutcheon,  but  by 
one  and  all  wearing  a  right  goodly  nose,  stuck  in 
the  very  middle  of  their  faces. 

Thus  was  this  perilous  enterprise  gloriously 
terminated,  with  the  loss  of  only  two  men  :  Wol- 
fert  Van  Home,  a  tall  spare  man,  who  was  knocked 


442  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK., 

overboard  by  the  boom  of  a  sloop  in  a  flaw  of 
wind  ;  and  fat  Brom  Van  Bummel,  who  was  sud- 
denly carried  off  by  an  indigestion  ;  both,  how- 
ever, were  immortalized,  as  having  bravely  fallen 
in  the  service  of  their  country.  True  it  is,  Peter 
Stuyvesant  had  one  of  his  limbs  terribly  fractured 
in  the  act  of  storming  the  fortress ;  but  as  it  was 
fortunately  his  wooden  leg,  the  wound  was 
promptly  and  effectually  healed. 

And  now  nothing  remains  to  this  branch  of 
my  history  but  to  mention  that  this  immaculate 
hero,  and  his  victorious  army,  returned  joyously 
to  the  Manhattoes ;  where  they  made  a  solemn 
and  triumphant  entry,  bearing  with  them  the  con- 
quered Risingh,  and  the  remnant  of  his  battered 
crew,  who  had  refused  allegiance ;  for  it  appears 
that  the  gigantic  Swede  had  only  fallen  into  a 
swoon,  at  the  end  of  the  battle,  from  which  he 
was  speedily  restored  by  a  wholesome  tweak  of 
the  nose. 

These  captive  heroes  were  lodged,  according 
to  the  promise  of  the  governor,  at  the  public 
expense,  in  a  fair  and  spacious  castle,  —  being  the 
prison  of  state,  of  which  Stoffel  Brinkerhoff,  the 
immortal  conqueror  of  Oyster  Bay,  was  appointed 
governor,  and  which  has  ever  since  remained  in 
the  possession  of  his  descendants.1 

It  was  a  pleasant  and  goodly  sight  to  witness 
the  joy  of  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam,  at 
beholding  their  warriors  once  more  return  from 

1  This  castle,  though  very  much  altered  and  modernized,  is 
stilt  in  being,  and  stands  at  the  corner  of  Pearl  Street,  facing 
Coentie's  slip. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  443 

this  war  in  the  wilderness.  The  old  women 
thronged  round  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who  gave 
the  whole  history  of  the  campaign  with  match- 
less accuracy,  saving  that  he  took  the  credit  of 
fighting  the  whole  battle  himself,  and  especially 
of  vanquishing  the  stout  Risingh,  —  which  he 
considered  himself  as  clearly  entitled  to,  seeing 
that  it  was  effected  by  his  own  stone  pottle. 

The  schoolmasters  throughout  the  town  gave 
holiday  to  their  little  urchins,  who  followed  in 
droves  after  the  drums,  with  paper  caps  on  their 
heads,  and  sticks  in  their  breeches,  thus  taking 
the  first  lesson  in  the  art  of  war.  As  to  the 
sturdy  rabble,  they  thronged  at  the  heels  of  Pe- 
ter Stuyvesant  wherever  he  went,  waving  their 
greasy  hats  in  the  air,  and  shouting  '•  llardkop- 
pig  Piet  forever  !  " 

It  was  indeed  a  day  of  roaring  rout  and  jubi- 
lee. A  huge  dinner  was  prepared  at  the  Stadt- 
house  in  honor  of  the  conquerors,  where  were 
assembled  in  one  glorious  constellation  the  great 
and  little  luminaries  of  New  Amsterdam.  There 
were  the  lordly  Sellout  and  his  obsequious  dep- 
uty ;  the  burgomasters  with  their  officious  sche- 
pens  at  their  elbows  ;  the  subaltern  officers  at 
the  elbows  of  the  schepens,  and  so  on  down  to 
the  lowest  hanger-on  of  police :  every  tag  having 
his  rag  at  his  side,  to  finish  his  pipe,  drink  off 
his  heel-taps,  and  laugh  at  his  flights  of  immortal 
dulness.  In  short,  —  for  a  city  feast  is  a  city  feast 
all  the  world  over,  and  has  been  a  city  feast  ever 
since  the  creation,  —  the  dinner  went  off  much 
the  same  as  do  our  great  corporation  junketings 


444  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

and  Fourth-of-July  banquets.  Loads  of  fish,  flesh, 
and  fowl  were  devoured,  oceans  of  liquor  drank, 
thousands  of  pipes  smoked,  and  many  a  dull 
joke  honored  with  much  obstreperous  fat-sided 
laughter. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  to  this  far- 
famed  victory  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  indebted  for 
another  of  his  many  titles  ;  for  so  hugely  de- 
lighted were  the  honest  burghers  with  his 
achievements,  that  they  unanimously  honored 
him  with  the  name  of  Pieter  de  Groodt,  that  is 
to  say,  Peter  the  Great,  or,  as  it  was  translated 
into  English  by  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam, 
for  the  benefit  of  their  New  England  visitors, 
Piet  de  pig, — an  appellation  which  he  maintained 
even  unto  the  day  of  his  death. 


BOOK    VII. 

CONTAINING  THE  THIRD  PAET  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER 
THE  HEADSTRONG  — HIS  TROUBLES  WITH  THE  BRITISH 
NATION,  AND  THE  DECLINE  AND  FALL  OF  THE  DUTCH 
DYNASTY. 


CHAPTER   I. 


PETER    STrwi:-i\M-    BELIEVED    TIIK    SOVEREIGN   PEOPLE   PROM  THE 


I   ITU     .VIUSTOCK.VCV. 


'HE  history  of  the  reign  of  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  furnishes  an  edifying  picture 
of  the  cares  and  vexations  inseparable 
from  sovereignty,  and  a  solemn  warning  to  all 
who  are  ambitious  of  attaining  the  seat  of  honor. 
Though  returning  in  triumph  and  crowned  with 
victory,  his  exultation  was  checked  on  observing 
the  abuses  which  had  sprung  up  in  New  Amster- 
dam during  his  short  absence.  His  walking-staff, 
which  he  had  sent  home  to  act  as  vicegerent,  had, 
it  is  true,  kept  his  council-chamber  in  order,  — 
the  counsellors  eying  it  with  awe,  as  it  lay  in 


446  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

grim  repose  upon  the  table,  and  smoking  their 
pipes  in  silence,  —  but  its  control  extended  not 
out  of  doors. 

The  populace  unfortunately  had  had  too  much 
their  own  way  under  the  slack  though  fitful  reign 
of  William  the  Testy ;  and  though  upon  the  ac- 
cession of  Peter  Stuyvesant  they  had  felt,  with 
the  instinctive  perception  which  mobs  as  well  as 
cattle  possess,  that  the  reins  of  government  had 
passed  into  stronger  hands,  yet  could  they  not 
help  fretting  and  chafing  and  champing  upon  the 
bit,  in  restive  silence. 

Scarcely,  therefore,  had  he  departed  on  his  ex- 
pedition against  the  Swedes,  than  the  old  factions 
of  William  Kieft's  reign  had  again  thrust  their 
heads  above  water.  Pot-house  meetings  were 
again  held  to  "discuss  the  state  of  the  nation," 
where  cobblers,  tinkers,  and  tailors,  the.  self- 
dubbed  "  friends  of  the  people,"  once  more  felt 
themselves  inspired  with  the  gift  of  legislation, 
and  undertook  to  lecture  on  every  movement  of 
government. 

Now,  as  Peter  Stuyvesant  had  a  singular  in- 
clination to  govern  the  province  by  his  individual 
will,  his  first  move,  on  his  return,  was  to  put  a 
stop  to  this  gratuitous  legislation.  Accordingly, 
one  evening,  when  an  inspired  cobbler  was  hold- 
ing forth  to  an  assemblage  of  the  kind,  the  in- 
trepid Peter  suddenly  made  his  appearance,  with 
his  ominous  walking-staff  in  his  hand,  and  a  coun- 
tenance sufficient  to  petrify  a  mill-stone.  The 
whole  meeting  was  thrown  into  confusion,  —  the 
orator  stood  aghast,  with  open  mouth  and  trem- 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  447 

bling  knees,  while  "horror!  tyranny!  liberty! 
rights  !  taxes  !  death  !  destruction  !  "  and  a  host 
of  other  patriotic  phrases  were  bolted  forth  before 
he  had  time  to  close  his  lips.  Peter  took  no 
notice  of  the  skulking  throng,  but  strode  .up  to 
the  brawling  bully-ruffian,  and  pulling  out  a  huge 
silver  watch,  which  might  have  served  in  times 
of  yore  as  a  town-clock,  and  which  is  still  re- 
tained by  his  descendants  as  a  family  curiosity, 
requested  the  orator  to  mend  it,  and  set  it  going. 
The  orator  humbly  confessed  it  was  utterly  out 
of  his  power,  as  he  was  unacquainted  with  the 
nature  of  its  construction.  "  Nay,  but,"  said 
Peter,  "  try  your  ingenuity,  man  :  you  see  all  the 
springs  and  wheels,  and  how  easily  the  clumsiest 
hand  may  stop  it,  and  pull  it  to  pieces  ;  and  why 
should  it  not  be  equally  easy  to  regulate  as  to 
stop  it  ? "  The  orator  declared  that  his  trade 
was  wholly  different,  —  that  he  was  a  poor  cob- 
bler, and  had  never  meddled  with  a  watch  in  his 
life,  —  that  there  were  men  skilled  in  the  art, 
whose  business  it  was  to  attend  to  those  matters  ; 
but  for  his  part,  he  should  only  mar  the  work- 
manship and  put  the  whole  in  confusion.  "  Why, 
harkee,  master  of  mine,"  cried  Peter,  —  turning 
suddenly  upon  him,  with  a  countenance  that 
almost  petrified  the  patcher  of  shoes  into  a  per- 
fect lapstone,  —  "  dost  thou  pretend  to  meddle  with 
the  movements  of  government,  —  to  regulate,  and 
correct,  and  patch,  and  cobble  a  complicated  ma- 
chine, the  principles  of  which  are  above  thy  com- 
prehension, and  its  simplest  operations  too  subtle 
for  thy  understanding,  when  thou  canst  not  cor- 


448  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

rect  a  trifling  error  in  a  common  piece  of  mech- 
anism, the  whole  mystery  of  which  is  open  to 
thy  inspection  ?  —  Hence  with  thee  to  the  leather 
and  stone,  which  are  emblems  of  thy  head ;  cob- 
ble thy  shoes,  and  confine  thyself  to  the  voca- 
tion for  which  Heaven  has  fitted  thee.  But," 
elevating  his  voice  until  it  made  the  welkin  ring, 
"  if  ever  I  catch  thee,  or  any  of  thy  tribe,  med- 
dling again  with  affairs  of  government,  by  St. 
Nicholas,  but  I  '11  have  every  mother's  bastard  of 
ye  flay'd  alive,  and  your  hides  stretched  for  drum- 
heads, that  ye  may  thenceforth  make  a  noise  to 
some  purpose ! " 

This  threat,  and  the  tremendous  voice  in 
which  it  was  uttered,  caused  the  whole  multitude 
to  quake  with  fear.  The  hair  of  the  orator  rose 
on  his  head  like  his  own  swines'  bristles,  and  not 
a  knight  of  the  thimble  present  but  his  heart 
died  within  him,  and  he  felt  as  though  he  could 
have  verily  escaped  through  the  eye  of  a  needle. 
The  assembly  dispersed  in  silent  consternation ; 
the  pseudo-statesmen,  who  had  hitherto  under- 
taken to  regulate  public  affairs,  were  now  fain  to 
stay  at  home,  hold  their  tongues,  and  take  care 
of  their  families ;  and  party  feuds  died  away  to 
such  a  degree,  that  many  thriving  keepers  of  tav- 
erns and  dram-shops  were  utterly  ruined  for 
want  of  business.  But  though  this  measure  pro- 
duced the  desired  effect  in  putting  an  extinguisher 
on  the  new  lights  just  brightening  up,  yet  did 
it  tend  to  injure  the  popularity  of  the  Great  Peter 
with  the  thinking  part  of  the  community,  that 
is  to  say,  that  part  which  thinks  for  others  in- 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK,  449 

stead  of  for  themselves,  or,  in  other  words,  who 
attend  to  everybody's  business  but  their  own. 
These  accused  the  old  governor  of  being  highly 
aristocratical  ;  and  in  truth  there  ^eems  to  have 
been  some  ground  for  such  an  accusation ;  for  he 
carried  himself  with  a  lofty,  soldier-like  air,  and 
was  somewhat  particular  in  dress,  appearing, 
when  not  in  uniform,  in  rich  apparel  of  the  an- 
tique naundrish  cut,  and  was  especially  noted  for 
having  his  sound  leg  (which  was  a  very  comely 
one)  always  arrayed  in  a  red  stocking  and  , high- 
heeled  shoe. 

Justice  he  often  dispensed  in  the  primitive  pa- 
triarchal way,  seated  on  the  "  stoep  "  before  his 
door,  under  the  shade  of  a  great  button-wood 
tree ;  but  all  visits  of  form  and  state  were  re- 
ceived with  something  of  court  ceremony  in  the 
best  parlor ;  where  Antony  the  Trumpeter  offi- 
ciated as  high  chamberlain.  On  public  occasions 
he  appeared  with  great  pomp  of  equipage,  and 
always  rode  to  church  in  a  yellow  wagon  with 
flaming  red  wheels. 

These  symptoms  of  state  and  ceremony,  as  we 
have  hinted,  were  much  cavilled  at  by  the  think- 
ing (and  talking)  part  of  the  community.  They 
had  been  accustomed  to  find  easy  access  to  their 
former  governors,  and  in  particular  had  lived  on 
terms  of  extreme  intimacy  with  William  the 
Testy ;  and  they  accused  Peter  Stuyvcsant  of  as- 
suming too  much  dignity  and  reserve,  and  of 
wrapping  himself  in  mystery.  Others,  however, 
have  pretended  to  discover  in  all  this  a  shrewd 
policy  on  the  part  of  the  old  governor.  It  is 

29 


450  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

certainly  of  the  first  importance,  say  they,  that 
a  country  should  be  governed  by  wise  men :  but 
then  it  is  almost  equally  important  that  the  peo- 
ple should  think  them  wise  ;  for  this  belief  alone 
can  produce  willing  subordination.  To  keep  up, 
however,  this  desirable  confidence  in  rulers,  the 
people  should  be  allowed  to  see  as  little  of  them 
as  possible.  It  is  the  mystery  which  envelops 
great  men,  that  gives  them  half  their  greatness. 
There  is  a  kind  of  superstitious  reverence  for 
office  .which  leads  us  to  exaggerate  the  merits  of 
the  occupant,  and  to  suppose  that  he  must  be 
wiser  than  common  men.  He,  however,  who 
gains  access  to  cabinets,  soon  finds  out  by  what 
foolishness  the  world  is  governed.  He  finds  that 
there  is  quackery  in  legislation  as  in  everything 
else  ;  that  rulers  have  their  whims  and  errors  as 
well  as  other  men,  and  are  not  so  wonderfully 
superior  as  he  had  imagined,  since  even  he  may 
occasionally  confute  them  in  argument.  Thus 
awe  subsides  into  confidence,  confidence  inspires 
familiarity,  and  familiarity  produces  contempt. 
Such  was  the  case,  say  they,  with  William  the 
Testy.  By  making  himself  too  easy  of  access, 
he  enabled  every  scrub-politician  to  measure  wits 
with  him,  and  to  find  out  the  true  dimensions  not 
only  of  his  person  but  of  his  mind  :  and  thus  it 
was  that,  by  being  familiarly  scanned,  he  was 
discovered  to  be  a  very  little  man.  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  on  the  contrary,  say  they,  by  conducting 
himself  with  dignity  and  loftiness,  was  looked  up 
to  with  great  reverence.  As  he  never  gave  his 
reasons  for  anything  he  did,  the  public  gave  him 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  451 

credit  for  very  profound  ones ;  every  movement, 
however  intrinsically  unimportant,  was  a  matter 
of  speculation  ;  and  his  very  red  stockings  ex- 
cited some  respect,  as  being  different  from  the 
stockings  of  other  men. 

Another  charge  against  Peter  Stuyvesant  was 
that  he  had  a  great  leaning  in  favor  of  the  patri- 
cians ;  and  indeed  in  his  time  rose  many  of  those 
mighty  Dutch  families  which  have  taken  such 
vigorous  root,  and  branched  out  so  luxuriantly  in 
our  State.  Some,  to  be  sure,  were  of  earlier 
date,  such  as  the  Van  Kortlandts,  the  Van  Zandts, 
the  Ten  Broecks,  the  Harden  Broecks,  and  others 
of  Pavonian  renown,  who  gloried  in  the  title  of 
"  Discoverers,"  from  having  been  engaged  in  thp 
nautical  expedition  from  Communipaw,  in  which 
they  so  heroically  braved  the  terrors  of  Hell-gate 
and  Buttermilk  Channel,  and  discovered  a  site  for 
New  Amsterdam. 

Others  claimed  to  themselves  the  appellation 
of  "  Conquerors,"  from  their  gallant  achievements 
in  New  Sweden  and  their  victory  over  the  Yan- 
kees at  Oyster  Bay.  Such  was  that  list  of  war- 
like worthies  heretofore  enumerated,  beginning, 
with  the  Van  Wycks,  the  Van  Dycks,  and  the 
Ten  Eycks,  and  extending  to  the  Rutgers,  the 
Bensons,  the  Brinkerhoffs,  and  the  Schermer- 
horns,  —  a  roll  equal  to  the  Doomsday-Book  of 
William  the  Conqueror,  and  establishing  the 
heroic  origin  of  many  an  ancient  aristocratical 
Dutch  family.  These,  after  all,  are  the  only  le- 
gitimate nobility  and  lords  of  the  soil  ;  these  are 
the  real  "  beavers  of  the  Manhattoes  " ;  and  much 


452  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

does  it  grieve  me  in  modern  days  to  see  them 
elbowed  aside  by  foreign  invaders,  and  more  espe- 
cially by  those  ingenious  people,  "  the  Sons  of  the 
Pilgrims  " ;  who  out-bargain  them  in  the  market, 
out-speculate  them  on  the  exchange,  out-top  them 
in  fortune,  and  run  up  mushroom  palaces  so  high, 
that  the  tallest  Dutch  family  mansion  has  not 
wind  enough  left  for  its  weather-cock. 

In  the  proud  days  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  how- 
ever, the  good  old  Dutch  aristocracy  loomed  out 
in  all  its  grandeur.  The  burly  burgher,  in  round- 
crowned  flaundrish  hat  with  brim  of  vast  circum- 
ference, in  portly  gabardine  and  bulbous  multi- 
plicity of  breeches,  sat  on  his  "stoep"  and  smoked 
his  pipe  in  lordly  silence ;  nor  did  it  ever  enter 
his  brain  that  the  active,  restless  Yankee,  whom 
he  saw  through  his  half-shut  eyes  worrying  about 
in  dog-day  heat,  ever  intent  on  the  main  chance, 
was  one  day  to  usurp  control  over  these  goodly 
Dutch  domains.  Already,  however,  the  races 
regarded  each  other  with  disparaging  eyes.  The 
Yankees  sneeringly  spoke  of  the  round-crowned 
burghers  of  the  Manhattoes  as  the  "  Copper- 
heads," while  the  latter,  glorying  in  their  own 
nether  rotundity,  and  observing  the  slack  galli- 
gaskins of  their  rivals,  flapping  like  an  empty 
sail  against  the  mast,  retorted  upon  them  with 
the  opprobrious  appellation  of  "  Platter-breeches." 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  453 


CHAPTER    II. 

HOW  PETER   STDTVESANT   LABORED   TO   CIVILIZE  THE   COMMUNITY — HOW 
HE    WAS     A    GREAT    PROMOTER    OP    HOLIDAYS  —  HOW   HE    INSTITUTED 

THROUGHOUT      THE      NEW     NETHERLANDS  —  HOW     HE     VENTURED     TO 
REFORM    THE    LADIES1    PETTICOATS,  AND    HOW   HE    CAUGHT   A   TAETAR. 

I  ROM  what  I  have  recounted  in  the  fore- 
going chapter  I  Avould  not  have  it  imag- 
ined that  the  great  Peter  was  a  tyranni- 
cal potentate,  ruling  with  a  rod  of  iron.  On  the 
contrary,  where  the  dignity  of  office  permitted,  he 
abounded  in  generosity  and  condescension.  If 
he  refused  the  brawling  multitude  the  right  of 
misrule,  he  at  least  endeavored  to  rule  them  in 
righteousness.  To  spread  abundance  in  the  land, 
he  obliged  the  bakers  to  give  thirteen  loaves  to 
the  dozen,  —  a  golden  rule  Avhich  remains  a  mon- 
ument of  his  beneficence.  So  far  from  indulg- 
ing in  unreasonable  austerity,  he  delighted  to  see 
the  poor  and  the  laboring  man  rejoice ;  and  for 
this  purpose  he  was  a  great  promoter  of  holi- 
days. Under  his  reign  there  was  a  great  crack- 
ing of  eggs  at  Paas  or  Easter ;  Whitsuntide  or 
Pinxter  also  flourished  in  all  its  bloom ;  and 
never  were  stockings  better  filled  on  the  eve  of 
the  blessed  St.  Nicholas. 

New-Year's  day,  however,  was  his  favorite  fes- 
tival, and  was  ushered  in  by  the  ringing  of  bells 


454  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

and  firing  of  guns.  On  that  genial  day  the 
fountains  of  hospitality  were  broken  up,  and 
the  whole  community  was  deluged  with  cherry- 
brandy,  true  Hollands,  and  mulled  cider ;  every 
house  was  a  temple  of  the  jolly  god ;  and  many 
a  provident  vagabond  got  drunk  out  of  pure  econ- 
omy —  taking  in  liquor  enough  gratis  to  serve  him 
half  a  year  afterwards. 

The  great  assemblage,  however,  was  at  the 
governor's  house,  whither  repaired  all  the  burgh- 
ers of  New  Amsterdam  with  their  wives  and 
daughters,  pranked  out  in  their  best  attire.  On 
this  occasion  the  good  Peter  was  devoutly  ob- 
servant of  the  pious  Dutch  rite  of  kissing  the 
women-kind  for  a  Happy  New  Year ;  and  it  is 
traditional  that  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  who  acted 
as  gentleman  usher,  took  toll  of  all  who  were 
young  and  handsome,  as  they  passed  through  the 
ante-chamber.  This  venerable  custom,  thus  hap- 
pily introduced,  was  followed  with  such  zeal  by 
high  and  low,  that  on  New-Year's  day,  during  the 
reign  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  New  Amsterdam  was 
the  most  thoroughly  be-kissed  community  in  all 
Christendom.  Another  great  measure  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant  for  public  improvement  was  the  dis- 
tribution of  fiddles  throughout  the  land.  These 
were  placed  in  the  hands  of  veteran  negroes,  who 
were  despatched  as  missionaries  to  every  part  of 
the  province.  This  measure,  it  is  said,  was  first 
suggested  by  Antony  the  Trumpeter ;  and  the 
effect  was  marvellous.  Instead  of  those  "  indig- 
nation meetings  "  set  on  foot  in  the  time  of  Wil- 
liam the  Testy,  where  men  met  together  to  rail 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  455 

at  public  abuses,  groan  over  the  evils  of  the 
times,  and  make  each  other  miserable,  there  were 
joyous  gatherings  of  the  two  sexes  to  dance  and 
make  merry.  Now  were  instituted  "  quilting 
bees,"  and  "  husking  bees,"  and  other  rural  assem- 
blages, where,  under  the  inspiring  influence  of 
the  fiddle,  toil  was  enlivened  by  gayety  and  fol- 
lowed up  by  the  dance.  "  Raising  bees  "  also  were 
frequent,  where  houses  sprung  up  at  the  wagging 
of  the  fiddle-sticks,  as  the  walls  of  Thebes  sprang 
up  of  yore  to  the  sound  of  the  lyre  of  Amphion. 

Jolly  autumn,  which  pours  its  treasures  over 
hill  and  dale,  was  in  those  days  a  season  for  the 
lifting  of  the  heel  as  well  as  the  heart  ;  labor 
came  dancing  in  the  train  of  abundance,  and 
frolic  prevailed  throughout  the  land.  Happy 
days !  when  the  yeomanry  of  the  Nieuw  Neder- 
lands  were  merry  rather  than  wise  ;  and  when 
the  notes  of  the  fiddle,  those  harbingers  of  good- 
humor  and  good-will,  resounded  at  the  close  of 
the  day  from  every  hamlet  along  the  Hudson  ! 

Nor  was  it  in  rural  communities  alone  that 
Peter  Stuyvesant  introduced  his  favorite  engine 
of  civilization.  Under  his  rule  the  fiddle  ac- 
quired that  potent  sway  in  New  Amsterdam 
which  it  has  ever  since  retained.  Weekly  assem- 
blages were  held,  not  in  heated  ball-rooms  at  mid- 
night hours,  but  on  Saturday  afternoons,  by  the 
golden  light  of  the  sun,  on  the  green  lawn  of  the 
Battery,  —  with  Antony  the  Trumpeter  for  master 
of  ceremonies.  Here  would  the  good  Peter  take 
his  seat  under  the  spreading  trees,  among  the  old 
burghers  and  their  wives,  and  watch  the  mazes 


456  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

of  the  dance.  Here  would  he  smoke  his  pipe, 
crack  his  joke,  and  forget  the  rugged  toils  of  war 
in  the  sweet  oblivious  festivities  of  peace,  giving 
a  nod  of  approbation  to  those  of  the  young  men 
who  shuffled  and  kicked  most  vigorously,  —  and 
now  and  then  a  hearty  smack,  in  all  honesty  of 
soul,  to  the  buxom  lass  who  held  out  longest,  and 
tired  down  every  competitor,  —  infallible  proof  of 
her  being  the  best  dancer. 

Once,  it  is  true,  the  harmony  of  these  meet- 
ings was  in  danger  of  interruption.  A  young 
belle,  just  returned  from  a  visit  to  Holland,  who 
of  course  led  the  fashions,  made  her  appearance 
in  not  more  than  half  a  dozen  petticoats,  and 
these  of  alarming  shortness.  A  whisper  and  a 
flutter  ran  through  the  assembly.  The  young 
men,  of  course,  were  lost  in  admiration ;  but  the 
old  ladies  were  shocked  in  the  extreme,  espe- 
cially those  who  had  marriageable  daughters ; 
the  young  ladies  blushed  and  felt  excessively  for 
the  "  poor  thing,"  and  even  the  governor  himself 
appeared  to  be  in  some  kind  of  perturbation. 

To  complete  the  confusion  of  the  good  folks, 
she  undertook,  in  the  course  of  a  jig,  to  describe 
some  figures  in  algebra  taught  her  by  a  dancing- 
master  at  Rotterdam.  Unfortunately,  at  the  high- 
est flourish  of  her  feet  some  vagabond  zephyr 
obtruded  his  services,  and  a  display  of  the  graces 
took  place,  at  which  all  the  ladies  present  were 
thrown  into  great  consternation ;  several  grave 
country  members  were  not  a  little  moved,  and  the 
good  Peter  Stuyvesant  himself  was  grievously 
scandalized. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  457 

The  shortness  of  the  females'  dress,  which  had 
continued  in  fashion  ever  since  the  days  of  Wil- 
liam Kieft,  had  long  offended  his  eye ;  and 
though  extremely  averse  to  meddling  with  the 
petticoats  of  the  ladies,  yet  he  immediately  rec- 
ommended that  every  one  should  be  furnished 
with  a  flounce  to  the  bottom.  He  likewise  or- 
dered that  the  ladies,  and  indeed  the  gentlemen, 
should  use  no  other  step  in  dancing  than'  "  shuffle 
and  turn,"  and  "  double  trouble  "  ;  and  forbade,  un- 
der pain  of  his  high  displeasure,  any  young  lady 
thenceforth  to  attempt  what  was  termed  "  exhibit- 
ing the  graces." 

These  were  the  only  restrictions  he  ever  im- 
posed upon  the  sex ;  and  these  were  considered 
by  them  as  tyrannical  oppressions,  and  resisted 
with  that  becoming  spirit  manifested  by  the  gentle 
sex  whenever  their  privileges  are  invaded.  In 
fact,  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who,  as  has  been 
shown,  was  a  sagacious  man,  experienced  in  the 
ways  of  women,  took  a  private  occasion  to  inti- 
mate to  the  governor  that  a  conspiracy  was  form- 
ing among  the  young  vrouws  of  New  Amster- 
dam ;  and  that,  if  the  matter  were  pushed  any 
further^  there  was  danger  of  their  leaving  off 
petticoats  altogether ;  whereupon  the  good  Peter 
shrugged  his  shoulders,  dropped  the  subject,  and 
ever  after  suffered  the  women  to  wear  their  pet- 
ticoats and  cut  their  capers  as  high  as  they 
pleased,  —  a  privilege  which  they  have  jealously 
maintained  in  the  Manhattoes  unto  the  present 
day. 


458  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER  in. 

HOW  TROUBLES  THICKENED  ON  THE  PROVINCE  —  HOW  IT  IS  THREATENED 
BY  THE  HELDERBERG£RS,  THE  MERRYLANDERS,  AND  THE  GIANTS  OP 
THE  SCSQUEHANNA. 

[N  the  last  two  chapters  I  have  regaled 
the  reader  with  a  delectable  picture  of 
the  good  Peter  and  his  metropolis  dur- 
ing an  interval  of  peace.  It  was,  however,  but 
a  bit  of  blue  sky  in  a  stormy  day ;  the  clouds 
are  again  gathering  up  from  all  points  of  the 
compass,  and,  if  I  am  not  mistaken  in  my  fore- 
bodings, we  shall  have  rattling  weather  in  the 
ensuing  chapters. 

It  is  with  some  communities  as  it  is  with  cer- 
tain meddlesome  individuals :  they  have  a  won- 
derful facility  at  getting  into  scrapes ;  and  I  have 
always  remarked  that  those  are  most  prone  to  get 
in  who  have  the  least  talent  at  getting  out  again. 
This  is  doubtless  owing  to  the  excessive  yalor  of 
those  states ;  for  I  have  likewise  noticed  that  this 
rampant  quality  is  always  most  frothy  and  fussy 
where  most  confined  ;  which  accounts  for  its  va- 
poring so  amazingly  in  little  states,  little  men 
and  ugly  little  women  more  especially. 

Such  is  the  case  with  this  little  province  of 
the  Nieuw  Nederlands  ;  which,  by  its  exceeding 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  459 

valor,  has  already  drawn  upon  itself  a  host  of 
enemies ;  has  had  fighting  enough  to  satisfy  a 
province  twice  its  size  ;  and  is  in  a  fair  way  of 
becoming  an  exceedingly  forlorn,  well-belabored, 
and  woe-begone  little  province.  All  which  was 
providentially  ordered  to  give  interest  and  sublim- 
ity to  this  pathetic  history. 

The  first  interruption  to  the  halcyon  quiet  of 
Peter  Stuyvesant  was  caused  by  hostile  intelli- 
gence from  the  old  belligerent  nest  of  Rensellaer- 
stein.  Killian,  the  lordly  patroon  of  Rensellaer- 
wick,  was  again  in  the  field,  at  the  head  of  his 
myrmidons  of  the  Helderberg,  seeking  to  annex 
the  whole  of  the  Kaats-kill  mountains  to  his  do- 
minions. The  Indian  tribes  of  these  mountains 
had  likewise  taken  up  the  hatchet  and  menaced 
the  venerable  Dutch  settlement  of  Esopus. 

Fain  would  I  entertain  the  reader  with  the  tri- 
umphant campaign  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  in  the 
haunted  regions  of  those  mountains,  but  that  1 
hold  all  Indian  conflicts  to  be  mere  barbaric 
brawls,  unworthy  of  the  pen  which  has  recorded 
the  classic  war  of  Fort  Christina ;  and  as  to 
these  Helderberg  commotions,  they  are  among 
the  flatulencies  which  from  time  to  time  afflict 
the  bowels  of  this  ancient  province,  as  with  a 
wind-colic,  and  which  I  deem  it  seemly  and  de- 
cent to  pass  over  in  silence. 

The  next  storm  of  trouble  was  from  the  south. 
Scarcely  had  the  worthy  Mynheer  Beekman  got 
warm  in  the  seat  of  authority  on  the  South 
River,  than  enemies  began  to  spring  up  all 
around  him.  Hard  by  was  a  formidable  race 


460  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

of  savages  inhabiting  the  gentle  region  watered 
by  the  Susquehanna,  of  whom  the  following  men- 
tion is  made  by  Master  Hariot,  in  his  excellent 
history : 

"The  Susquesahanocks  are  a  giantly  people, 
strange  in  proportion,  behavior  and  attire  —  their 
voice  sounding  from  them  as  out  of  a  cave. 
Their  tobacco-pipes  were  three-quarters  of  a 
yard  long ;  carved  at  the  great  end  with  a  bird, 
beare,  or  other  device,  sufficient  to  beat  out  the 
brains  of  a  horse.  The  calfe  of  one  of  their 
legges  measured  three-quarters  of  a  yard  about ; 
the  rest  of  the  limbs  proportionable."  l 

These  gigantic  savages  and  smokers  caused  no 
little  disquiet  in  the  mind  of  Mynheer  Beekman, 
threatening  to  cause  a  famine  of  tobacco  in  the 
land ;  but  his  most  formidable  enemy  was  the 
roaring,  roistering  English  colony  of  Maryland, 
or,  as  it  was  anciently  written,  Merryland,  —  so 
called  because  the  inhabitants,  not  having  the 
fear  of  the  Lord  before  their  eyes,  were  prone  to 
make  merry  and  get  fuddled  with  mint-julep  and 
apple-toddy.  They  were,  moreover,  great  horse- 
racers  and  cock  -  fighters,  mighty  wrestlers  and 
jumpers,  and  enormous  consumers  of  hoe-cake 
and  bacon.  They  lay  claim  to  be  the  first  invent- 
ors of  those  recondite  beverages,  cock -tail,  stone- 
fence,  and  sherry-cobbler,  and  to  have  discovered 
the  gastronomical  merits  of  terrapins,  soft  crabs, 
and  canvas-back  ducks. 

This  rantipole  colony,  founded  by  Lord  Balti- 
more, a  British  nobleman,  was  managed  by  his 
1  Harlot's  Journal,  Purch.  Pilgrims. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  461 

agent,  a  swaggering  Englishman,  commonly  called 
Fendall,  that  is  to  say,  "  offend  all,"  —  a  name 
given  him  for  his  bullying  propensities.  These 
were  seen  in  a  message  to  Mynheer  Beekman, 
threatening  him,  unless  he  immediately  swore 
allegiance  to  Lord  Baltimore  as  the  rightful  lord 
of  the  soil,  to  come,  at  the  head  of  the  roaring 
boys  of  Merryland  and  the  giants  of  the  Susque- 
hanna,  and  sweep  him  and  his  Nederlanders  out 
of  the  country. 

The  trusty  sword  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  almost 
leaped  from  its  scabbard  when  he  received  mis- 
sives from  Mynheer  Beekman,  informing  him  of 
the  swaggering  menaces  of  the  bully  Fendall ; 
and  as  to  the  giantly  warriors  of  the  Susque- 
hanna,  nothing  would  have  more  delighted  him 
than  a  bout,  hand  to  hand,  with  half  a  score  of 
them,  having  never  encountered  a  giant  in  the 
whole  course  of  his  campaigns,  unless  we  may 
consider  the  stout  Risingh  as  such  —  and  he  was 
but  a  little  one. 

Nothing  prevented  his  marching  instantly  to 
the  South  River  and  enacting  scenes  still  more 
glorious  than  those  of  Fort  Christina,  but  the 
necessity  of  first  putting  a  stop  to  the  increasing 
aggressions  and  inroads  of  the  Yankees,  so  as  not 
to  leave  an  enemy  in  his  rear ;  but  he  wrote  to 
Mynheer  Beekman  to  keep  up  a  bold  front  and 
stout  heart,  promising,  as  soon  as  he  had  settled 
affairs  in  the  east,  that  he  would  hasten  to  the 
south  with  his  burly  warriors  of  the  Hudson,  to 
lower  £he  crests  of  the  giants,  and  mar  the  mer- 
riment T)f  the  Merrylanders. 


462  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER  IV. 


'O  explain  the  apparently  sudden  move- 
ment of  Peter  Stuyvesant  against  the 
crafty  men  of  the  East  Country,  I  would 
observe  that,  during  his  campaigns  on  the  South 
River,  and  in  the  enchanted  regions  of  the  Cats- 
kill  Mountains,  the  twelve  tribes  of  the  East 
had  been  more  than  usually  active  in  prosecuting 
their  subtle  scheme  for  the  subjugation  of  the 
Nieuw  Nederlands. 

Independent  of  the  incessant  maraudings  among 
hen-roosts  and  squattings  along  the  border,  invad- 
ing armies  would  penetrate,  from  time  to  time, 
into  the  very  heart  of  the  country.  As  their 
prototypes  of  yore  went  forth  into  the  land  of 
Canaan,  with  their  wives  and  their  children,  their 
men-servants  and  their  maid-servants,  their  flocks 
and  herds,  to  settle  themselves  down  in  the  land 
and  possess  it,  so  these  chosen  people  of  modern 
days  would  progress  through  the  country  in  pa- 
triarchal style,  conducting  carts  and  wagons  la- 
den with  household  furniture,  with  women  and 
children  piled  on  top,  and  pots  and  kettles  dan- 
gling beneath.  At  the  tails  of  these  vehicles 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  463 

would  stalk  a  crew  of  long-limbed,  lank-sided 
varlets,  with  axes  on  their  shoulders  and  packs  on 
their  backs,  resolutely  bent  upon  "  locating  "  them- 
selves, as  they  termed  it,  and  improving  the 
country.  These  were  the  most  dangerous  kind 
of  invaders.  It  is  true  they  were  guilty  of  no 
overt  acts  of  hostility  ;  but  it  was  notorious  that, 
wherever  they  got  a  footing,  the  honest  Dutch- 
men gradually  disappeared,  retiring  slowly,  as  do 
the  Indians  before  the  white  men,  being  in  some 
way  or  other  talked  and  chaffed,  and  bargained 
and  swapped,  and,  in  plain  English,  elbowed  out 
of  all  tho.se  rich  bottoms  and  fertile  nooks  in 
which  our  Dutch  yeomanry  are  prone  to  nestle 
themselves. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  was  at  length  roused  to  this 
kind  of  war  in  disguise,  by  which  the  Yankees 
were  craftily  aiming  to  subjugate  his  dominions. 
lie  was  a  man  easily  taken  in,  it  is  true,  as  all 
great-hearted  men  are  apt  to  be  ;  but  if  he  once 
found  it  out,  his  wrath  was  terrible.  He  now 
threw  diplomacy  to  the  dogs  —  determined  to 
appear  no  more  by  ambassadors,  but  to  repair  in 
person  to  the  great  council  of  the  Amphictyons, 
bearing  the  sword  in  one  hand  and  the  olive- 
branch  in  the  other,  and  giving  them  their  choice 
of  sincere  and  honest  peace,  or  open  and  iron 
war. 

His  privy  councillors  were  astonished  and  dis- 
mayed when  lie  announced  his  determination. 
For  once  they  ventured  to  remonstrate,  setting 
forth  the  rashness  of  venturing  his  sacred  person 
in  the  midst  of  a  strange  and  barbarous  people. 


464  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

They  might  as  well  have  tried  to  turn  a  rusty 
weather-cock  with  a  broken-winded  bellows.  In 
the  fiery  heart  of  the  iron-headed  Peter  sat  en- 
throned the  five  kinds  of  courage  described  by 
Aristotle ;  and  had  the  philosopher  enumerated 
five  hundred  more,  I  verily  believe  he  would 
have  possessed  them  all.  As  to  that  better  part 
of  valor  called  discretion,  it  was  too  cold-blooded 
a  virtue  for  his  tropical  temperament. 

Summoning,  therefore,  to  his  presence  his  trus- 
ty follower,  Antony  Van  Corlear,  he  commanded 
him  to  hold  himself  in  readiness  to  accompany 
him  the  following  morning  on  this  his  hazardous 
enterprise.  Now  Antony  the  Trumpeter  was  by 
this  time  a  little  stricken  in  years,  but  by  dint 
of  keeping  up  a  good  heart,  and  having  never 
known  care  or  sorrow  (having  never  been  mar- 
ried), he  was  still  a  hearty,  jocund,  rubicund, 
gamesome  wag,  and  of  great  capacity  in  the  doub- 
let. This  last  was  ascribed  to  his  living  a  jolly 
life  on  those  domains  at  the  Hook,  which  Peter 
Stuyvesant  had  granted  to  him  for  his  gallantry 
at  Fort  Casimir. 

Be  this  as  it  may,  there  was  nothing  that  more 
delighted  Antony  than  this  command  of  the  great 
Peter,  for  he  could  have  followed  the  stout- 
hearted old  governor  to  the  world's  end,  with 
love  and  loyalty ;  and  he  moreover  still  remem- 
bered the  frolicking,  and  dancing,  and  bundling, 
and  other  disports  of  the  east  country,  and  enter- 
tained dainty  recollections  of  numerous  kind  and 
buxom  lasses,  whom  he  longed  exceedingly  again 
to  encounter. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  465 

Thus  then  did  this  mirror  of  hardihood  set 
forth,  with  no  other  attendant  but  his  trumpeter, 
upon  one  of  the  most  perilous  enterprises  ever 
recorded  in  the  annals  of  knight-errantry.  For 
a  single  warrior  to  venture  openly  among  a  whole 
nation  of  foes,  —  but,  above  all,  for  a  plain  down- 
right Dutchman  to  think  of  negotiating  with  the 
whole  council  of  New  England !  —  never  was 
there  known  a  more  desperate  undertaking  !  — 
Ever  since  I  have  entered  upon  the  chronicles  of 
this  peerless  but  hitherto  uncelebrated  chieftain, 
has  he  kept  me  in  a  state  of  incessant  action  and 
anxiety  with  the  toils  and  dangers  he  is  constant- 
ly encountering.  Oh  !  for  a  chapter  of  the  tran- 
quil reign  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  that  I  might 
repose  on  it  as  on  a  feather-bed  ! 

Is  it  not  enough,  Peter  Stuyvesant,  that  I 
have  once  already  rescued  thee  from  the  machi- 
nations of  these  terrible  Amphictyons,  by  bringing 
the  powers  of  witchcraft  to  thine  aid  ?  Is  it 
not  enough,  that  I  have  followed  thee  undaunted, 
like  a  guardian  spirit,  into  the  midst  of  the  horrid 
battle  of  Fort  Christina  ?  —  that  I  have  been 
put  incessantly  to  my  trumps  to  keep  thee  safe 
and  sound,  —  now  warding  off'  with  my  single 
pen  the  shower  of  dastard  blows  that  fell  upon 
thy  rear,  —  now  narrowly  shielding  thee  from  a 
deadly  thrust,  by  a  mere  tobacco-box,  —  now  cas- 
ing thy  dauntless  skull  with  adamant,  when  even 
thy  stubborn  ram-beaver  failed  to  resist  the  sword 
of  the  stout  Risingh,  —  and  now,  not  merely 
bringing  thee  off  alive,  but  triumphant,  from  the 
clutches  of  the  gigantic  Swede,  by  the  desperate 
30 


466  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

means  of  a  paltry  stone  pottle  ?  Is  not  all  this 
enough,  but  must  thou  still  be  plunging  into  new 
difficulties,  and  hazarding  in  headlong  enterprises 
thyself,  thy  trumpeter,  and  thy  historian  ? 

And  now  the  ruddy-faced  Aurora,  like  a  bux- 
om chambermaid,  draws  aside  the  sable  curtains 
of  the  night,  and  out  bounces  from  his  bed  the 
jolly  red-haired  Phoebus,  startled  at  being  caught 
so  late  in  the  embraces  of  Dame  Thetis.  With 
many  a  stable-boy  oath  he  harnesses  his  brazen- 
footed  steeds,  and  whips,  and  lashes,  and  splashes 
up  the  firmament,  like  a  loitering  coachman,  half 
an  hour  behind  his  time.  And  now  behold  that 
imp  of  fame  arid  prowess,  the  headstrong  Peter, 
bestriding  a  raw-boned,  switch-tailed  charger,  gal- 
lantly arrayed  in  full  regimentals,  and  bracing  on 
his  thigh  that  trusty  brass-hilted  sword,  which 
had  wrought  such  fearful  deeds  on  the  banks  of 
the  Delaware. 

Behold  hard  after  him  his  doughty  trumpeter, 
Van  Corlear,  mounted  on  a  broken-winded,  wall- 
eyed, calico  mare,  his  stone  pottle,  which  had 
laid  low  the  mighty  Risingh,  slung  under  his 
arm,  and  his  trumpet  displayed  vauntingly  in  his 
right  hand,  decorated  with  a  gorgeous  banner,  on 
which  is  emblazoned  the  great  beaver  of  the 
Manhattoes.  See  them  proudly  issuing  out  of 
the  city-gate,  like  an  iron-clad  hero  of  yore,  with 
his  faithful  squire  at  his  heels,  the  populace  fol- 
lowing with  their  eyes,  and  shouting  many  a 
parting  wish,  and  hearty  cheering.  —  Farewell, 
Hardkoppig  Piet !  Farewell,  honest  Antony  !  — 
Pleasant  be  your  wayfaring  —  prosperous  your 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  467 

return !  The  stoutest  hero  that  ever  drew  a 
sword,  and  the  worthiest  trumpeter  that  ever  trod 
shoe-leather  ! 

Legends  are  lamentably  silent  about  the  events 
that  befell  our  adventurers  in  this  their  adven- 
turous travel,  excepting  the  Stuyvesant  manu- 
script, which  gives  the  substance  of  a  pleasant 
little  heroic  poem,  written  on  the  occasion  by 
Dominie  .yEgidius  Luyck,1  who  appears  to  have 
been  the  poet-laureate  of  New  Amsterdam.  This 
inestimable  manuscript  assures  us,  that  it  was  a 
rare  spectacle  to  behold  the  great  Peter  and  his 
loyal  follower  hailing  the  morning  sun,  and  rejoic- 
ing in  the  clear  countenance  of  nature,  as  they 
pranced  it  through  the  pastoral  scenes  of  liloe- 
men  Dael ;  which,  in  those  days,  was  a  sweet 
and  rural  valley,  beautified  with  many  a  bright 
wild-flower,  refreshed  by  many  a  pure  streamlet, 
and  enlivened  here  and  there  by  a  delectable  lit- 
tle Dutch  cottage,  sheltered  under  some  sloping 
hill,  and  almost  buried  in  embowering  trees. 

Now  did  they  enter  upon  the  confines  of  Con- 
necticut, where  they  encountered  many  grievous 
difficulties  and  perils.  At  one  place  they  were 
assailed  by  a  troop  of  country  squires  and  militia 
colonels,  who,  mounted  on  goodly  steeds,  hung 
upon  their  rear  for  several  miles,  harassing  them 
exceedingly  with  guesses  and  questions,  more 
especially  the  worthy  Peter,  whose  silver-chased 
leg  excited  not  a  little  marvel.  At  another  place, 

l  This  Luyck  was  moreover  rector  of  the  Latin  School  in 
Nieuw  Nederlands,  106;].  There  are  two  pieces  addressed  to 
uEgidius  Luyck  in  D.  Selyn's  MSS.  of  poesies,  upon  his  mar- 
riage with  Judith  Iseudoorn.  Old  MS. 


468  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

hard  by  the  renowned  town  of  Stamford,  they 
were  set  upon  by  a  great  and  mighty  legion  of 
church-deacons,  who  imperiously  demanded  of 
them  five  shillings,  for  travelling  on  Sunday,  and 
threatened  to  carry  them  captive  to  a  neighboring 
church,  whose  steeple  peered  above  the  trees  ; 
but  these  the  valiant  Peter  put  to  rout  with  little 
difficulty,  insomuch  that  they  bestrode  their  canes 
and  galloped  off  in  horrible  confusion,  leaving 
their  cocked  hats  behind  in  the  hurry  of  their 
flight.  But  not  so  easily  did  he  escape  from  the 
hands  of  a  crafty  man  of  Pyquag,  who,  with  un- 
daunted perseverance,  and  repeated  onsets,  fairly 
bargained  him  out  of  his  goodly  switch  -  tailed 
charger,  leaving  in  place  thereof  a  villanous, 
foundered  Narraganset  pacer. 

But  maugre  all  these  hardships,  they  pursued 
their  journey  cheerily  along  the  course  of  the 
soft-flowing  Connecticut,  whose  gentle  waves,  says 
the  song,  roll  through  many  a  fertile  vale  and 
sunny  plain,  —  now  reflecting  the  lofty  spires  of 
the  bustling  city,  and  now  the  rural  beauties  of 
the  humble  hamlet,  —  now  echoing  with  the  busy 
hum  of  commerce,  and  now  with  the  cheerful 
song  of  the  peasant. 

At  every  town  would  Peter  Stuyvesant,  who 
was  noted  for  warlike  punctilio,  order  the  sturdy 
Antony  to  sound  a  courteous  salutation  ;  though 
the  manuscript  observes,  that  the  inhabitants 
were  thrown  into  great  dismay  when  they  heard 
of  his  approach.  For  the  fame  of  his  incompa- 
rable achievements  on  the  Delaware  had  spread 
throughout  the  east  country,  and  they  dreaded 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  469 

lest  he  had  come  to  take  vengeance  on  their  man- 
ifold transgressions. 

But  the  good  Peter  rode  through  these  towns 
with  a  smiling  aspect,  waving  his  hand  with 
inexpressible  majesty  and  condescension;  for  he 
verily  believed  that  the  old  clothes  which  these 
ingenious  people  had  thrust  into  their  broken 
windows,  and  the  festoons  of  dried  apples  and 
peaches  which  ornamented  the  fronts  of  their 
houses,  were  so  many  decorations  in  honor  of  his 
approach,  as  it  was  the  custom  in  the  days  of 
chivalry  to  compliment  renowned  heroes  by  sumpt- 
uous displays  of  tapestry  and  gorgeous  furniture. 
The  women  crowded  to  the  doors  to  gaze  upon 
him  as  he  passed,  so  much  does  prowess  in  arms 
delight  the  gentle  sex.  The  little  children,  too, 
ran  after  him  in  troops,  staring  with  wonder  at 
his  regimentals,  his  brimstone  breeches,  and  the 
silver  garniture  of  his  wooden  leg.  Nor  must  I 
omit  to  mention  the  joy  which  many  strapping 
wenches  betrayed  at  beholding  the  jovial  Van 
Corlear,  who  had  whilom  delighted  them  so  much 
with  his  trumpet,  when  he  bore  the  great  Peter's 
challenge  to  the  Amphictyons.  The  kind-hearted 
Antony  alighted  from  his  calico  mare,  and  kissed 
them  all  with  infinite  loving-kindness,  —  and  was 
right  pleased  to  see  a  crew  of  little  trumpeters 
crowding  around  him  for  his  blessing,  each  of 
whom  he  patted  on  the  head,  bade  him  be  a 
good  boy,  and  gave  him  a  penny  to  buy  molas- 
ses candy. 


470  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 


CHAPTER   V. 

)W  THE  YANKEES  SECRETLY  SOUGHT   THE   AID    OF  THE  BRITISH  CABINE1 
IN   THEIR  HOSTILE   SCHEMES   AGAINST   THE   MANHATTOES. 

W  so  it  happened,  that,  while  the  great 
and  good  Peter  Stuyvesant,  followed  by 
his  trusty  squire,  was  making  his  chival- 
ric  progress  through  the  east  country,  a  dark 
and  direful  scheme  of  war  against  his  beloved 
province  was  forming  in  that  nursery  of  mon- 
strous projects,  the  British  Cabinet. 

This,  we  are  confidently  informed,  was  the 
result  of  the  secret  instigations  of  the  great 
council  of  the  league  ;  who,  finding  themselves 
totally  incompetent  to  vie  in  arms  with  the  heavy- 
sterned  warriors  of  the  Manhattoes  and  their 
iron-headed  commander,  sent  emissaries  to  the 
British  government,  setting  forth  in  eloquent  lan- 
guage the  wonders  and  delights  of  this  delicious 
little  Dutch  Canaan,  and  imploring  that  a  force 
might  be  sent  out  to  invade  it  by  sea,  while  they 
should  cooperate  by  land. 

These  emissaries  arrived  at  a  critical  juncture, 
just  as  the  British  Lion  Tvas  beginning  to  bristle 
up  his  mane  and  wag  his  tail ;  for  we  are  assured 
by  the  anonymous  writer  of  the  Stuyvesant  man- 
uscript, that  the  astounding  victory  of  Peter 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  471 

Stuyvesant  at  Fort  Christina  had  resounded 
throughout  Europe,  and  his  annexation  of  the 
territory  of  New  Sweden  had  awakened  th»  jeal- 
ousy of  the  British  Cabinet  for  their  wild  lands 
at  the  south.  This  jealousy  was  brought  to  a 
head  by  the  representations  of  Lord  Baltimore, 
who  declared  that  the  territory  thus  annexed  lay 
within  the  lands  granted  to  him  by  the  British 
crown,  and  he  claimed  to  be  protected  in  his 
rights.  Lord  Sterling,  another  British  subject, 
claimed  the  whole  of  Nassau,  or  Long  Island, 
once  the  Ophir  of  William  the  Testy,  but  now 
the  kitchen-garden  of  the  Manhattoes,  which  he 
declared  to  be  British  territory  by  the  right  of 
discovery,  but  unjustly  usurped  by  the  Neder- 
landers.  The  result  of  all  these  rumors  and 
representations  was  a  sudden  zeal  on  the  part  of 
his  Majesty  Charles  the  Second,  for  the  safety 
and  well-being  of  his  transatlantic  possessions,  and 
especially  for  the  recovery  of  the  New  Nether- 
lands, which  Yankee  logic  had,  somehow  or  other, 
proved  to  be  a  continuity  of  the  territory  taken 
possession  of  for  the  British  crown  by  the  Pil- 
grims, when  they  lauded  on  Plymouth  Rock,  fugi- 
tives from  British  oppression.  All  this  goodly 
land,  thus  wrongfully  held  by  the  Dutchmen,  he 
presented,  in  a  fit  of  affection,  to  his  brother,  the 
Duke  of  York,  —  a  donation  truly  royal,  since 
none  but  great  sovereigns  have  a  right  to  give 
away  what  does  not  belong  to  them.  That  this 
munificent  gift  might  not  be  merely  nominal,  his 
Majesty  ordered  that  an  armament  should  be 
straightway  dispatched  to  invade  the  city  of  New 


472  HISTORY  OF  NEW   TORK. 

Amsterdam  by  land  and  water,  and  put  hia 
brother  in  complete  possession  of  the  premises. 

Thus  critically  situated  are  the  affairs  of  the 
New  Nederlanders.  While  the  honest  burghers 
are  smoking  their  pipes  in  sober  security,  and  the 
privy  councillors  are  snoring  in  the  council-cham- 
ber, —  while  Peter  the  Headstrong  is  undauntedly 
making  his  way  through  the  east  country  in  the 
confident  hope  by  honest  words  and  manly  deeds 
to  bring  the  grand  council  to  terms,  —  a  hostile 
fleet  is  sweeping  like  a  thunder-cloud  across  the 
Atlantic,  soon  to  rattle  a  storm  of  war  about  the 
ears  of  the  dozing  Nederlanders,  and  to  put  the 
mettle  of  their  governor  to  the  trial. 

But  come  what  may,  I  here  pledge  my  ve- 
racity, that  in  all  warlike  conflicts  and  doubtful 
perplexities  he  will  ever  acquit  himself  like  a 
gallant,  noble-minded,  obstinate  old  cavalier.  — 
Forward,  then,  to  the  charge  !  Shine  out,  pro- 
pitious stars,  on  the  renowned  city  of  the  Man- 
hattoes ;  and  the  blessing  of  St.  Nicholas  go  with 
thee  —  honest  Peter  Stuy vesant. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  473 


CHAPTER   VI. 

OF  PETER  STUTVESANT'S  EXPEDITION  INTO  THE  EAST  COUNTRY,  SHOW- 
ING  THAT,   TUOUGH   AN    OLD   BIRD,    HE   DID    NOT   UNDERSTAND  TRAP. 

I  RE  AT  nations  resemble  great  men  in 
this  particular,  that  their  greatness  is 
seldom  known  until  they  get  in  trouble  ; 
adversity,  therefore,  has  been  wisely  denominated 
the  ordeal  of  true  greatness,  which,  like  gold, 
can  never  receive  its  real  estimation  until  it  has 
passed  through  the  furnace.  In  proportion,  there- 
fore, as  a  nation,  a  community,  or  an  individual 
(possessing  the  inherent  quality  of  greatness)  is 
involved  in  perils  and  misfortunes,  in  proportion 
does  it  rise  in  grandeur,  and  even  when  sinking 
under  calamity,  makes,  like  a  house  on  fire,  a 
more  glorious  display  than  ever  it  did  in  the 
fairest  period  of  its  prosperity. 

The  vast  empire  of  China,  though  teeming 
with  population  and  imbibing  and  concentrating 
the  wealth  of  nations,  has  vegetated  through  a 
succession  of  drowsy  ages  ;  and  were  it  not  for  its 
internal  revolutions,  'and  the  subversion  of  its 
ancient  government  by  the  Tartars,  might  have 
presented  nothing  but  a  dull  detail  of  monotonous 
prosperity.  Pompeii  and  Herculaneum  might 
have  passed  into  oblivion,  with  a  herd  of  their  con- 


474  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

temporaries,  had  they  not  been  fortunately  over- 
whelmed by  a  volcano.  The  renowned  city  of 
Troy  acquired  celebrity  only  from  its  ten  years' 
distress,  and  final  conflagration ;  Paris  rose  in 
importance  by  the  plots  and  massacres  which 
ended  in  the  exaltation  of  Napoleon;  and  even 
the  mighty  London  has  skulked  through  the  rec- 
ords of  time,  celebrated  for  nothing  of  moment 
excepting  the  plague,  the  great  fire,  and  Guy 
Faux's  gunpowder  plot !  Thus  cities  and  em- 
pires creep  along,  enlarging  in  silent  obscurity, 
until  they  burst  forth  in  some  tremendous  calam- 
ity—  and  snatch,  as  it  were,  immortality  from 
the  explosion  ! 

The  above  principle  being  admitted,  my  reader 
will  plainly  perceive  that  the  city  of  New  Am- 
sterdam and  its  dependent  province  are  on  the 
high-road  to  greatness.  Dangers  and  hostilities 
threaten  from  every  side,  and  it  is  really  a  mat- 
ter of  astonishment,  how  so  small  a  state  has  been 
able,  in  so  short  a  time,  to  entangle  itself  in  so 
many  difficulties.  Ever  since  the  province  was 
first  taken  by  the  nose,  at  the  Fort  of  Goed 
Hoop,  in  the  tranquil  days  of  Wouter  Van  Twil- 
ler,  has  it  been  gradually  increasing  in  historic 
importance  ;  and  never  could  it  have  had  a  more 
appropriate  chieftain  to  conduct  it  to  the  pinnacle 
of  grandeur  than  Peter  Stuyvesant. 

This  truly  headstrong  hero  having  success- 
fully effected  his  daring  progress  through  the  east 
country,  girded  up  his  loins  as  he  approached 
Boston,  and  prepared  for  the  grand  onslaught 
with  the  Amphictyons,  which  was  to  be  the 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  475 

crowning  achievement  of  the  campaign.  Throw- 
ing Antony  Van  Corlear,  who,  with  his  calico 
mare,  formed  his  escort  and  army,  a  little  in  the 
advance,  and  bidding  him  be  of  stout  heart  and 
great  wind,  he  placed  himself  firmly  in  his  sad- 
dle, cocked  his  hat  more  fiercely  over  his  left  eye, 
summoned  all  the  heroism  of  his  soul  into  his 
countenance,  and,  with  one  arm  akimbo,  the  hand 
resting  on  the  pommel  of  his  sword,  rode  into  the 
gi-eat  metropolis  of  the  league,  Antony  sounding 
his  trumpet  before  him  in  a  manner  to  electrify 
the  whole  community. 

Never  was  there  such  a  stir  in  Boston  as  on 
this  occasion ;  never  such  a  hurrying  hither  and 
thither  about  the  streets ;  such  popping  of  heads 
out  of  windows  ;  such  gathering  of  knots  in  mar- 
ket-places. Peter  Stuyvesant  was  a  straightfor- 
ward man,  and  prone  to  do  everything  above- 
board.  He  would  have  ridden  at  once  to  the 
great  council-house  of  the  league  and  sounded 
a  parley ;  but  the  grand  council  knew  the  met- 
tlesome hero  they  had  to  deal  Avith,  and  were  not 
for  doing  things  in  a  hurry.  On  the  contrary, 
they  sent  forth  deputations  to  meet  him  on  the 
way,  to  receive  him  in  a  style  befitting  the 
great  potentate  of  the  Manhattoes,  and  to  multi- 
ply all  kind  of  honors,  and  ceremonies,  and  for- 
malities, and  other  courteous  impediments  in  his 
path.  Solemn  banquets  were  accordingly  given 
him,  equal  to  thanksgiving  feasts.  Complimentary 
speeches  were  made  him,  wherein  he  was  enter- 
tained with  the  surpassing  virtues,  long-sufTerings, 
and  achievements  of  the  Pilgrim-Fathers;  and  it 


476  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

is  even  said  he  was  treated  to  a  sight  of  Plym- 
outh Rock,  —  that  great  corner-stone  of  Yankee 
empire. 

I  will  not  detain  my  readers  by  recounting  the 
endless  devices  by  which  time  was  wasted,  and 
obstacles  and  delays  multiplied  to  the  infinite  an- 
noyance of  the  impatient  Peter.  Neither  will  I 
fatigue  them  by  dwelling  on  his  negotiations  with 
the  grand  council,  when  he  at  length  brought 
them  to  business.  Suffice  it  tx>  say,  it  was  like 
most  other  diplomatic  negotiations  :  a  great  deal 
was  said  and  very  little  done ;  one  conversation 
led  to  another,  one  conference  begot  misunder- 
standings which  it  took  a  dozen  conferences  to 
explain,  at  the  end  of  which  both  parties  found 
themselves  just  where  they  had  begun,  but  ten 
times  less  likely  to  come  to  an  agreement. 

In  the  midst  of  these  perplexities  which  bewil- 
dered the  brain  and  incensed  the  ire  of  honest 
Peter,  he  received  private  intelligence  of  the  dark 
conspiracy  matured  in  the  British  cabinet,  with 
the  astounding  fact  that  a  British  squadron  was 
already  on  .the  way  to  invade  New  Amsterdam 
by  sea,  and  that  the  grand  council  of  Amphic- 
tyons,  while  thus  beguiling  him  with  subtleties, 
were  actiially  prepared  to  cooperate  by  land  ! 

Oh !  how  did  the  sturdy  old  warrior  rage  and 
roar,  when  he  found  himself  thus  entrapped,  like 
a  lion  in  the  hunter's  toil !  Now  did  he  draw 
his  trusty  sword,  and  determine  to  break  in  upon 
the  council  of  the  Amphictyons  and  put  every 
mother's  son  of  them  to  death.  Now  did  he 
resolve  to  fight  his  way  throughout  all  the  region 
of  the  east,  and  to  lay  waste  Connecticut  river ! 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  477 

Gallant,  but  unfortunate  Peter!  Did  I  not 
enter  with  sad  forebodings  on  this  ill-starred  ex- 
pedition ?  Did  I  not  tremble  when  I  saw  thee, 
with  no  other  counsellor  than  thine  own  head ; 
no  other  armor  but  an  honest  tongue,  a  spotless 
conscience,  and  a  rusty  sword ;  no  other  pro- 
tector but  St.  Nicholas,  and  no  other  attendant 
but  a  trumpeter  ;  did  I  not  tremble  when  I  be- 
held thee  thus  sally  forth  to  contend  with  all  the 
knowing  powers  of  New  England  ? 

It  was  a  long  time  before  the  kind-hearted 
expostulations  of  Antony  Van  Corlear,  aided  by 
the  soothing  melody  of  his  trumpet,  could  lower 
the  spirits  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  from  their  war- 
like and  vindictive  tones,  and  prevent  his  making 
widows  and  orphans  of  half  the  population  of 
Boston.  With  great  difficulty  he  was  prevailed 
upon  to  bottle  up  his  wrath  for  the  present,  to 
conceal  from  the  council  his  knowledge  of  their 
machinations,  and  by  effecting  his  escape,  to  be 
able  to  arrive  in  time  for  the  salvation  of  the 
Manhattoes. 

The  latter  suggestion  awakened  a  new  ray  of 
hope  in  his  bosom ;  he  forthwith  dispatched  a  se- 
cret message  to  his  councillors  at  New  Amster- 
dam, apprising  them  of  their  danger,  and  com- 
manding them  to  put  the  city  in  a  posture  of 
defence,  promising  to  come  as  soon  as  possible 
to  their  assistance.  This  done,  he  felt  marvel- 
lously relieved,  rose  slowly,  shook  himself  like  a 
rhinoceros,  and  issued  forth  from  his  den,  in  much 
the  same  manner  as  Giant  Despair  is  described 
to  have  issued  from  Doubting  Castle,  in  the  chi- 
valric  history  of  the  Pilgrim's  Progress. 


478  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

And  now  much  does  it  grieve  me  that  I  must 
leave  the  gallant  Peter  in  this  imminent  jeopardy ; 
but  it  behooves  us  to  hurry  back  and  see  what  is 
going  on  at  New  Amsterdam,  for  greatly  do  I 
fear  that  city  is  already  in  a  turmoil.  Such  was 
ever  the  fate  of  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  while  doing 
one  thing  with  heart  and  soul,  he  was  too  apt 
to  leave  everything  else  at  sixes  and  sevens. 
While,  like  a  potentate  of  yore,  he  was  absent 
attending  to  those  things  in  person  which  in  mod- 
ern days  are  trusted  to  generals  and  ambassadors, 
his  little  territory  at  home  was  snre  to  get  in  an 
uproar  ;  —  all  which  was  owing  to  that  uncom- 
mon strength  of  intellect,  which  induced  him  to 
trust  to  nobody  but  himself,  and  which  had  ac- 
quired him  the  renowned  appellation  of  Peter 
the  Headstrong 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  479 


CHAPTER    VII. 


UW    IHh    PhOPLfc    OF    Ni;\V     \MMTKK\M    \VKRK    THROWN    INTO    A    GREAT 
NEK   IN    WIIICH   THEY   FORTIFIED   THEMSELVES. 

is  no  sight  more  truly  interesting 
a  phil°sopher  than  a  community 
where  every  individual  has  a  voice  in 
public  affairs,  Avhere  every  individual  considers 
himself  the  Atlas  of  the  nation,  and  where  every 
individual  thinks  it  his  duty  to  bestir  himself  for 
the  good  of  his  country  :  I  say,  there  is  nothing 
more  interesting  to  a  philosopher  than  such  a 
community  in  a  sudden  bustle  of  war.  Such 
clamor  of  tongues  —  such  patriotic  bawling  — 
such  running  hither  and  thither  —  everybody  in 
a  hurry  —  everybody  in  trouble  —  everybody 
in  the  way,  and  everybody  interrupting  his 
neighbor  —  who  is  busily  employed  in  doing 
nothing !  It  is  like  witnessing  a  great  fire, 
where  the  whole  community  are  agog  —  some 
dragging  about  empty  engines  —  others  scamper- 
ing with  full  buckets,  and  spilling  the  contents 
into  their  neighbor's  boots  —  and  others  ringing 
the  church-bells  all  night,  by  way  of  putting  out 
the  fire.  Little  firemen,  like  sturdy  little  knights 
storming  a  breach,  clambering  up  and  down  scal- 
ing-ladders, and  bawling  through  tin  trumpets,  by 


480  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

way  of  directing  the  attack.  Here  a  fellow,  in 
his  great  zeal  to  save  the  property  of  the  unfor- 
tunate, catches  up  an  anonymous  chamber-utensil, 
and  gallants  it  oft  with  an  air  of  as  much  self- 
importance  as  if  he  had  rescued  a  pot  of  money ; 
there  another  throws  looking-glasses  and  china 
out  of  the  window,  to  save  them  from  the  flames ; 
whilst  those  who  can  do  nothing  else  run  up  and 
down  the  streets,  keeping  up  an  incessant  cry  of 
Fire!  Fire!  Fire! 

"  When  the  news  arrived  at  Sinope,"  says  Lu- 
cian,  —  though  I  own  the  story  is  rather  trite,  — 
"  that  Philip  was  about  to  attack  them,  the  inhab- 
itants were  thrown  into  a  violent  alarm.  Some 
ran  to  furbish  up  their  arms ;  others  rolled  stones 
to  build  up  the  walls,  —  everybody,  in  short, 
was  employed,  and  everybody  in  the  way  of  his 
neighbor.  Diogenes  alone  could  find  nothing  to 
do ;  whereupon,  not  to  be  idle  when  the  welfare 
of  his  country  was  at  stake,  he  tucked  up  his 
robe,  and  fell  to  rolling  his  tub  with  might  and 
main  up  and  down  the  Gymnasium."  In  like 
manner  did  every  mother's  son  in  the  patriotic 
community  of  New  Amsterdam,  on  receiving 
the  missive  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  busy  himself 
most  mightily  in  putting  things  in  confusion,  and 
assisting  the  general  uproar.  "  Every  man  "  — 
saith  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript  — "  flew  to 
arms !  "  —  by  which  is  meant,  that  not  one  of  our 
honest  Dutch  citizens  would  venture  to  church  or 
to  market  without  an  old-fashioned  spit  of  a  sword 
dangling  at  his  side,  and  a  long  Dutch  fowling- 
piece  on  his  shoulder ;  nor  would  he  go  out  of  a 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  481 

night  without  a  lantern ;  nor  turn  a  corner  with- 
out first  peeping  cautiously  round,  lest  he  should 
come  unawares  upon  a  British  army  ;  —  and  we 
are  informed  that  Stoffel  Brinkerhoff,  who  was 
considered  by  the  old  women  almost  as  brave  a 
man  as  the  governor  himself,  actually  had  two 
one-pound  swivels  mounted  in  his  entry,  one 
pointing  out  at  the  front  door,  and  the  other  at 
the  back. 

But  the  most  strenuous  measure  resorted  to  on 
this  awful  occasion,  and  one  which  has  since  been 
found  of  wonderful  efficacy,  was  to  assemble  pop- 
ular meetings.  These  brawling  convocations,  I 
have  already  shown,  were  extremely  offensive  to 
Peter  Stuyvesant ;  but  as  this  was  a  moment  of 
unusual  agitation,  and  as  the  old  governor  was 
not  present  to  repress  them,  they  broke  out  with 
intolerable  violence.  Hither,  therefore,  the  ora- 
tors and  politicians  repaired,  striving  who  should 
bawl  loudest,  and  exceed  the  others  in  hyperl>oli- 
eal  bursts  of  patriotism,  and  in  resolutions  to  up- 
hold and  defend  the  government.  In  these  sage 
meetings  it  was  resolved  that  they  were  the  most 
enlightened,  the  most  dignified,  the  most  formi- 
dable, and  the  most  ancient  community  upon  the 
face  of  the  earth.  This  resolution  being  carried 
unanimously,  another  was  immediately  proposed, 
—  whether  it  were  not  possible  and  politic  to  ex- 
terminate Great  Britain  ?  upon  which  sixty-nine 
members  spoke  in  the  affirmative,  and  only  one 
arose  to  suggest  some  doubts, — who,  as  a  punish- 
ment for  his  treasonable  presumption,  was  imme- 
diately seized  by  the  mob,  and  tarred  and  feath- 

31 


482  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

ered,  —  which  punishment  being  equivalent  to 
the  Tarpeian  Rock,  he  was  afterwards  considered 
as  an  outcast  from  society,  and  his  opinion  went 
for  nothing.  The  question,  therefore,  being  unan- 
imously carried  in  the  affirmative,  it  was  rec- 
ommended to  the  grand  council  to  pass  it  into 
a  law;  which  was  accordingly  done.  By  this 
measure  the  hearts  of  the  people  at  large  were 
wonderfully  encouraged,  and  they  waxed  exceed- 
ingly choleric  and  valorous.  Indeed,  the  first 
paroxysm  of  alarm  having  in  some  measure  sub- 
sided, —  the  old  women  having  buried  all  the 
money  they  could  lay  their  hands  on,  and  their 
husbands  daily  getting  fuddled  with  what  was 
left,  —  the  community  began  even  to  stand  on  the 
offensive.  Songs  were  manufactured  in  Low 
Dutch  and  sung  about  the  streets,  wherein  the 
English  were  most  wofully  beaten,  and  shown 
no  quarter;  and  popular  addresses  were  made, 
wherein  it  was  proved,  to  a  certainty,  that  the 
fate  of  Old  England  depended  upon  the  will  of 
the  New  Amsterdammers. 

Finally,  to  strike  a  violent  blow  at  the  very 
vitals  of  Great  Britain,  a  multitude  of  the  wiser 
inhabitants  assembled,  and  having  purchased  all 
the  British  manufactures  they  could  find,  they 
made  thereof  a  huge  bonfire  ;  and,  in  the  patri- 
otic glow  of  the  moment,  every  man  present,  who 
had  a  hat  or  breeches  of  English  workmanship, 
pulled  it  off,  and  threw  it  into  the  flames,  —  to 
the  irreparable  detriment,  loss,  and  ruin  of  the 
English  manufacturers.  In  commemoration  of 
this  great  exploit,  they  erected  a  pole  on  the  spot, 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK,  483 

with  a  device  on  the  top  intended  to  represent 
the  province  of  Nieuw  Nederlands  destroying 
Great  Britain,  under  the  similitude  of  an  Eagle 
picking  the  little  Island  of  Old  England  out  of 
the  globe ;  but  either  through  the  unskilfulness 
of  the  sculptor,  or  his  ill-timed  waggery,  it  bore  a 
striking  resemblance  to  a  goose,  vainly  striving 
to  get  hold  of  a  dumpling. 


484  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER   VHI. 


HOW  THE  GRAND  COUNCIL  OF  THE  NEW  NETHERLANDS  WERE  MIRACU- 
LOUSLY GIFTED  WITH  LONG  TONGUES  IN  THE  MOMENT  OF  EMERGENCY 
—  SHOWING  THE  VALUE  OF  WORDS  IN  WARFARE. 


|T  will  need  but  little  penetration  in  any 
one  conversant  with  the  ways  of  that 
wise  but  windy  potentate,  the  sovereign 
people,  to  discover  that  notwithstanding  all  the 
warlike  bluster  and  bustle  of  the  last  chapter, 
the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  was  not  a  whit 
more  prepared  for  war  than  before.  The  privy 
councillors  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  were  aware  of 
this ;  and,  having  received  his  private  orders  to 
put  the  city  in  an  immediate  posture  of  defence, 
they  called  a  meeting  of  the  oldest  and  rich- 
est burghers  to  assist  them  with  their  wisdom. 
These  were  that  order  of  citizens  commonly 
termed  "  men  of  the  greatest  weight  in  the  com- 
munity " ;  their  weight  being  estimated  by  the 
heaviness  of  their  heads  and  of  their  purses. 
Their  wisdom  in  fact  is  apt  to  be  of  a  ponderous 
kind,  and  to  hang  like  a  mill-stone  round  the 
neck  of  the  community. 

Two  things  were  unanimously  determined  in 
this  assembly  of  venerables :  First,  that  the  city 
required  to  be  put  in  a  state  of  defence ;  and, 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  485 

Second,  that,  as  the  danger  was  imminent,  there 
should  be  no  time  lost :  which  points  being  set- 
tled, they  fell  to  making  long  speeches  and  be- 
laboring one  another  in  endless  and  intemperate 
disputes.  For  about  this  time  was  this  unhappy 
city  first  visited  by  that  talking  endemic  so  prev- 
alent in  this  country,  and  which  so  invariably 
evinces  itself  wherever  a  number  of  wise  men 
assemble  together,  breaking  out  in  long,  windy 
speeches,  caused,  as  physicians  suppose,  by  the 
foul  air  which  is  ever  generated  in  a  crowd. 
Now  it  was,  moreover,  that  they  first  introduced 
the  ingenious  method  of  measuring  the  merits  of 
an  harangue  by  the  hour-glass,  he  being  consid- 
ered the  ablest  orator  who  spoke  longest  on  a 
question.  For  which  excellent  invention,  it  is 
recorded,  we  are  indebted  to  the  same  profound 
Dutch  oritic  who  judged  of  books  by  their  size. 

This  sudden  passion  for  endless  harangues,  so 
little  consonant  with  the  customary  gravity  and 
taciturnity  of  our  sage  forefathers,  was  supposed 
by  certain  philosophers  to  have  been  imbibed,  to- 
gether with  divers  other  barbarous  propensities, 
from  their  savage  neighbors ;  who  were  pecu- 
liarly noted  for  long  talks  and  council-fires,  and 
never  undertook  any  affair  of  the  least  impor- 
tance without  previous  debates  and  harangues 
among  their  chiefs  and  old  men.  But  the  real 
cause  was,  that  the  people,  in  electing  their  rep- 
resentatives to  the  grand  council,  were  particular 
in  choosing  them  for  their  talents  at  talking, 
without  inquiring  whether  they  possessed  the 
more  rare,  difficult,  and  ofttimes  important  talent 


486  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

of  holding  their  tongues.  The  consequence  was, 
that  this  deliberative  body  was  composed  of  the 
most  loquacious  men  in  the  community.  As  they 
considered  themselves  placed  there  to  talk,  every 
man  concluded  that  his  duty  to  his  constituents, 
.and,  what  is  more,  his  popularity  with  them, 
required  that  he  should  harangue  on  every  sub- 
ject, whether  he  understood  it  or  not.  There 
was  an  ancient  mode  of  burying  a  chieftain,  by 
every  soldier  throwing  his  shield  full  of  earth  on 
the  corpse,  until  a  mighty  mound  was  formed ; 
so,  whenever  a  question  was  brought  forward  in 
this  assembly,  every  member  pressing  forward  to 
throw  on  his  quantum  of  wisdom,  the  subject 
was  quickly  buried  under  a  mountain  of  words. 

We  are  told  that  disciples,  on  entering  the 
school  of  Pythagoras,  were  for  two  years  enjoined 
silence,  and  forbidden  either  to  ask  questions,  or 
make  remarks.  After  they  had  thus  acquired 
the  inestimable  art  of  holding  their  tongues,  they 
were  gradually  permitted  to  make  inquiries,  and 
finally  to  communicate  their  own  opinions. 

With  what  a  beneficial  effect  could  this  wise 
regulation  of  Pythagoras  be  introduced  in  mod- 
ern legislative  bodies,  —  and  how  wonderfully 
would  it  have  tended  to  expedite  business  in  the 
grand  council  of  the  Manhattoes ! 

At  this  perilous  juncture  the  fatal  Avord  econ- 
omy, the  stumbling-block  of  William  the  Testy, 
had  been  once  more  set  afloat,  according  to  which 
the  cheapest  plan  of  defence  was  insisted  upon  as 
the  best ;  it  being  deemed  a  great  stroke  of  pol- 
icy in  furnishing  powder  to  economize  in  ball. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  487 

Thus  did  dame  "Wisdom  (whom  the  wags  of 
antiquity  have  humorously  personified  as  a  wom- 
an) seem  to  take  a  mischievous  pleasure  in  jilt- 
ing the  venerable  councillors  of  New  Amster- 
dam. To  add  to  the  confusion,  the  old  factions 
of  Short  Pipes  and  Long  Pipes,  which  had  been 
almost  strangled  by  the  Herculean  grasp  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant,  now  sprang  up  with  tenfold  vigor. 
Whatever  was  proposed  by  Short  Pipe  was  op- 
posed by  the  whole  tribe  of  Long  Pipes,  who, 
like  true  partisans,  deemed  it  their  first  duty  to 
effect  the  downfall  of  their  rivals,  their  second, 
to  elevate  themselves,  and  their  third,  to  consult 
the  public  good  ;  though  many  left  the  third  con- 
sideration out  of  question  altogether. 

In  this  great  collision  of  hard  heads  it  is  aston- 
isliing  the  number  of  projects  that  were  struck 
out,  —  projects  which  threw  the  wind-mill  system 
of  AVilliam  the  Testy  completely  in  the  back- 
ground. These  were  almost  uniformly  opposed 
by  the  "  men  of  the  greatest  weight  in  the  com- 
munity !  "  your  weighty  men,  though  slow  to  de- 
vise, being  always  great  at  ''  negativing."  Among 
these  were  a  set  of  fat,  self-important  old  burgh- 
ers, who  smoked  their  pipes,  and  said  nothing 
except  to  negative  every  plan  of  defence  pro- 
posed. These  were  that  class  of  "  conservatives  " 
who,  having  amassed  a  fortune,  button  up  their 
pockets,  shut  their  mouths,  sink,  as  it  were, 
into  themselves,  and  pass  the  rest  of  their  lives 
in  the  indwelling  beatitude  of  conscious  wealth  ; 
as  some  phlegmatic  oyster,  having  swallowed  a 
pearl,  closes  its  shell,  sinks  in  the  mud,  and 


488  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

devotes  the  rest  of  its  life  to  the  conservation 
of  its  treasure.  Every  plan  of  defence  seemed 
to  these  worthy  old  gentlemen  pregnant  with 
ruin.  An  armed  force  was  a  legion  of  locusts 
preying  upon  the  public  property;  to  fit  out  a 
naval  armament  was  to  throw  their  money  into 
the  sea ;  to  build  fortifications  was  to  bury  it  in 
the  dirt.  In  short,  they  settled  it  as  a  sovereign 
maxim,  so  long  as  their  pockets  were  full,  no 
matter  how  much  they  were  drubbed.  A  kick 
left  no  scar ;  a  broken  head  cured  itself ;  but 
an  empty  purse  was  of  all  maladies  the  slowest 
to  heal,  and  one  in  which  nature  did  nothing 
for  the  patient. 

Thus  did  this  venerable  assembly  of  sages  lav- 
ish away  that  time  which  the  urgency  of  affairs 
rendered  invaluable,  in  empty  brawls  and  long- 
winded  speeches,  without  ever  agreeing,  except 
on  the  point  with  which  they  started,  namely, 
that  there  was  no  time  to  be  lost,  and  delay  was 
ruinous.  At  length,  St.  Nicholas  taking  compas- 
sion on  their  distracted  situation,  and  anxious  to 
preserve  them  from  anarchy,  so  ordered,  that  in 
the  midst  of  one  of  their  most  noisy  debates,  on 
the  subject  of  fortification  and  defence,  when 
they  had  nearly  fallen  to  loggerheads  in  conse- 
quence of  not  being  able  to  convince  each  other, 
the  question  was  happily  settled  by  the  sudden 
entrance  of  a  messenger,  who  informed  them  that 
a  hostile  fleet  had  arrived,  and  was  actually  ad- 
vancing up  the  bay ! 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  489 


CHAPTER   IX. 


IN  WHfCH  THE  TROUBLES  OP  NEW  AMSTERDAM  APPEAR  TO  THICKEX  — 
SHOWING  THE  BRAVERY",  IN  TIME  OF  PERIL.  OP  A  PEOPLE  WHO  DEPEND 
THEMSELVES  BY  RESOLUTION. 


a9  an  assemblage  °f  belligerent  cats, 
gibbering  and  caterwauling,  eying  one 
another  with  hideous  grimaces  and  con- 
tortions, spitting  in  each  other's  faces,  and  on 
the  point  of  a  general  clapper-clawing,  are  sud- 
denly put  to  scampering  rout  and  confusion  by  the 
appearance  of  a  house-dog,  so  was  the  no  less 
vociferous  council  of  New  Amsterdam  amazed, 
astounded,  and  totally  dispersed,  by  the  sudden 
arrival  of  the  enemy.  Every  member  waddled 
home  as  fast  as  his  short  legs  could  carry  him, 
wheezing  as  he  went  with  corpulency  and  terror. 
Arrived  at  his  castle,  he  barricadoed  the  street- 
door,  and  buried  himself  in  the  cider- cellar, 
without  venturing  to  peep  out,  lest  he  should 
have  his  head  carried  off  by  a  cannon-ball. 

The  sovereign  people  crowded  into  the  mar- 
ket-place, herding  together  with  the  instinct  of 
sheep,  who  seek  safety  in  each  other's  company 
when  the  shepherd  and  his  dog  are  absent,  and 
the  wolf  is  prowling  round  the  fold.  Far  from 
finding  relief,  however,  they  only  increased  each 
other's  terrors.  Each  man  looked  ruefully  in  hia 


490  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

neighbor's  face,  in  search  of  encouragement,  but 
only  found  in  its  woe-begone  lineaments  a  confir- 
mation of  his  own  dismay.  Not  a  word  now  was 
to  be  heard  of  conquering  Great  Britain,  not  a 
whisper  about  the  sovereign  virtues  of  economy, 
—  while  the  old  women  heightened  the  general 
gloom  by  clamorously  bewailing  their  fate,  and 
calling  for  protection  on  St.  Nicholas  and  Peter 
Stuyvesant. 

Oh,  how  did  they  bewail  the  absence  of  the 
lion-hearted  Peter !  and  how  did  they  long  for 
the  comforting  presence  of  Antony  Van  Corlear ! 
Indeed,  a  gloomy  uncertainty  hung  over  the  fate 
of  these  adventurous  heroes.  Day  after  day  had 
elapsed  since  the  alarming  message  from  the  gov- 
ernor, without  bringing  any  further  tidings  of  his 
safety.  Many  a  fearful  conjecture  was  hazarded 
as  to  what  had  befallen  him  and  his  loyal  squire. 
Had  they  not  been  devoured  alive  by  the  canni- 
bals of  Marblehead  and  Cape  Cod?  —  had  they 
not  been  put  to  the  question  by  the  great  council 
of  Amphictyons  ?  —  had  they  not  been  smothered 
in  onions  by  the  terrible  men  of  Pyquag  ?  In  the 
midst  of  this  consternation  and  perplexity,  when 
horror,  like  a  mighty  nightmare,  sat  brooding 
upon  the  little,  fat,  plethoric  city  of  New  Amster- 
dam, the  ears  of  the  multitude  were  suddenly 
startled  by  the  distant  sound  of  a  trumpet:  it 
approached,  it  grew  louder  and  louder,  and  now 
it  resounded  at  the  city  gate.  The  public  could 
not  be  mistaken  in  the  well-known  sound;  a 
shout  of  joy  burst  from  their  lips,  as  the  gallant 
Peter,  covered  with  dust,  and  followed  by  his 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  491 

faithful  trumpeter,  came  galloping  into  the  mar- 
ket-place. 

The  first  transports  of  the  populace  having 
subsided,  they  gathered  round  the  honest  Antony, 
as  he  dismounted,  overwhelming  him  with  greet- 
ings and  congratulations.  In  breathless  accents 
he  related  to  them  the  marvellous  adventures 
through  which  the  old  governor  and  himself  had 
gone,  in  making  their  escape  from  the  clutches 
of  the  terrible  Amphictyons.  But  though  the 
Stuyvesant  manuscript,  with  its  customary  mi- 
nuteness where  anything  touching  the  great  Peter 
is  concerned,  is  very  particular  as  to  the  incidents 
of  this  masterly  retreat,  the  state  of  the  public 
affairs  will  not  allow  me  to  indulge  in  a  full  reci- 
tal thereof.  Let  it  suffice  to  say,  that,  while 
Peter  Stuyvesant  was  anxiously  revolving  in  his 
mind  how  he  could  make  good  his  escape  with 
honor  and  dignity,  certain  of  the  ships  sent  out 
for  the  conquest  of  the  Manhattoes  touched  at 
the  eastern  ports  to  obtain  supplies,  and  to  call 
on  the  grand  council  of  the  league  for  its  prom- 
ised cooperation.  Upon  hearing  of  this,  the  vigi- 
lant Peter,  perceiving  that  a  moment's  delay  were 
fatal,  made  a  secret  and  precipitate  decampment ; 
though  much  did  it  grieve  his  lofty  soul  to  be 
obliged  to  turn  his  back  even  upon  a  nation  of 
foes.  Many  hair-breadth  'scapes  and  divers  per- 
ilous mishaps  did  they  sustain,  as  they  scoured, 
without  sound  of  trumpet,  through  the  lair  regions 
of  the  east.  Already  was  the  country  in  an  up- 
roar with  hostile  preparations,  and  they  were 
obliged  to  take  a  large  circuit  in  their  flight, 


492  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

lurking  along  through  the  woody  mountains  of 
the  Devil's  backbone ;  whence  the  valiant  Peter 
sallied  forth  one  day  like  a  lion,  and  put  to  rout 
a  whole  legion  of  squatters,  consisting  of  three 
generations  of  a  prolific  family,  who  were  already 
on  their  way  to  take  possession  of  some  corner  of 
the  New  Netherlands.  Nay,  the  faithful  Antony 
had  great  difficulty,  at  sundry  times,  to  prevent 
him,  in  the  excess  of  his  wrath,  from  descending 
down  from  the  mountains,  and  falling,  sword  in 
hand,  upon  certain  of  the  border-towns,  who  were 
marshalling  forth  their  draggle-tailed  militia. 

The  first  movement  of  the  governor,  on  reach- 
ing his  dwelling,  was  to  mount  the  roof,  whence 
he  contemplated  with  rueful  aspect  the  hostile 
squadron.  This  had  already  come  to  anchor  in 
the  bay,  and  consisted  of  two  stout  frigates,  hav- 
ing on  board,  as  John  Josselyn,  Gent.,  informs  us, 
"  three  hundred  valiant  red-coats."  Having  taken 
this  survey,  he  sat  himself  down  and  wrote  an 
epistle  to  the  commander,  demanding  the  reason 
of  his  anchoring  in  the  harbor  without  obtaining 
previous  permission  so  to  do.  This  letter  was 
couched  in  the  most  dignified  and  courteous  terms, 
though  1  have  it  from  undoubted  authority  that 
his  teeth  were  clinched,  and  he  had  a  bitter,  sar- 
donic grin  upon  his  visage  all  the  while  he  wrote. 
Having  dispatched  his  letter,  the  grim  Peter 
stumped  to  and  fro  about  the  town  with  a  most 
war-betokening  countenance,  his  hands  thrust  into 
his  breeches-pockets,  and  whistling  a  Low-Dutch 
psalm-tune,  which  bore  no  small  resemblance  to 
the  music  of  a  northeast  wind,  when  a  storm  is 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  493 

brewing.  The  very  dogs  as  they  eyed  him 
skulked  away  in  dismay ;  while  all  the  old  'and 
ugly  women  of  New  Amsterdam  ran  howling  at 
his  heels,  imploring  him  to  save  them  from  mur- 
der, robbery,  and  pitiless  ravishment ! 

The  reply  of  Colonel  Nicholas,  who  command- 
ed the  invaders,  was  couched  in  terms  of  equal 
courtesy  with  the  letter  of  the  governor  ;  declar- 
ing the  right  and  title  of  his  British  Majesty  to 
the  province ;  where  he  affirmed  the  Dutch  to  be 
mere  interlopers ;  and  demanding  that  the  town, 
forts,  etc.  should  be  forthwith  rendered  into  his 
Majesty's  obedience  and  protection ;  promising, 
at  the  same  time,  life,  liberty,  estate,  and  free 
trade  to  every  Dutch  denizen  who  should  readily 
submit  to  his  Majesty's  government. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  read  over  this  friendly  epistle 
with  some  such  harmony  of  aspect  as  we  may 
suppose  a  crusty  farmer  reads  the  loving  letter 
of  John  Stiles,  warning  him  of  an  action  of  eject- 
ment. He  was  not,  however,  to  be  taken  by 
surprise ;  but,  thrusting  the  summons  into  his 
breeches-pocket,  stalked  three  times  across  the 
room,  took  a  pinch  of  snuff  with  great  vehe- 
mence, and  then,  loftily  waving  his  hand,  prom- 
ised to  send  an  answer  the  next  morning.  He 
now  summoned  a  general  meeting  of  his  privy 
councillors  and  burgomasters,  not  to  ask  their 
advice,  for,  confident  in  his  own  strong  head,  he 
needed  no  man's  counsel,  but  apparently  to  give 
them  a  piece  of  his  mind  on  their  late  craven 
conduct. 

His  orders  being  duly  promulgated,  it  was  a 


494  HISTORY   OF   NEW  YORK. 

piteous  sight  to  behold  the  late  valiant  burgo- 
masters, who  had  demolished  the  whole  British 
empire  in  their  harangues,  peeping  ruefully  out 
of  their  hiding-places  ;  crawling  cautiously  forth  ; 
dodging  through  narrow  lanes  and  alleys  ;  start- 
ing at  every  little  dog  that  barked ;  mistaking 
lamp-posts  for  British  grenadiers ;  and,  in  the 
excess  of  their  panic,  metamorphosing  pumps 
into  formidable  soldiers  levelling  blunderbusses  at 
their  bosoms  !  Having,  however,  in  despite  of 
numerous  perils  and  difficulties  of  the  kind,  ar- 
rived safe,  without  the  loss  of  a  single  man,  at 
the  hall  of  assembly,  they  took  their  seats,  and 
awaited  in  fearful  silence  the  arrival  of  the  gov- 
ernor. In  a  few  moments  the  wooden  leg  of  the 
intrepid  Peter  was  heard  in  regular  arid  stout- 
hearted thumps  upon  the  staircase.  He  entered 
the  chamber,  arrayed  in  full  suit  of  regimentals, 
and  carrying  his  trusty  toledo,  not  girded  on  his 
thigh,  but  tucked  under  his  arm.  As  the  gov- 
ernor never  equipped  himself  in  this  portentous 
manner  unless  something  of  martial  nature  were 
working  within  his  pericranium,  his  council  re- 
garded him  ruefully,  as  if  they  saw  fire  and 
sword  in  his  iron  countenance,  and  forgot  to  light 
their  pipes  in  breathless  suspense. 

His  first  words  were,  to  rate  his  council 
soundly  for  having  wasted  in  idle  debate  and 
party  feud  the  time  which  should  have  been 
devoted  to  putting  the  city  in  a  state  of  defence. 
He  was  particularly  indignant  at  those  brawlers 
who  had  disgraced  the  councils  of  the  province 
by  empty  bickerings  and  scurrilous  invectives 


HISTORY   OF  NEW    YORK.  495 

against  an  absent  enemy.  He  now  called  upon 
them  to  make  good  their  words  by  deeds,  as  the 
enemy  they  had  defied  and  derided  was  at  the 
gate.  Finally,  he  informed  them  of  the  summons 
he  had  received  to  surrender,  but  concluded  by 
swearing  to  defend  the  province  as  long  as 
Heaven  was  on  his  side  and  he  had  a  wooden 
leg  to  stand  upon ;  which  warlike  sentence  he 
emphasized  by  a  thwack  with  the  flat  of  his 
sword  upon  the  table,  that  quite  electrified  his 
auditors. 

The  privy  councillors,  who  had  long  since  been 
brought  into  as  perfect  discipline  as  were  ever  the 
soldiers  of  the  great  Frederick,  knew  there  was 
no  use  in  saying  a  word,  —  so  lighted  their  pipes, 
and  smoked  away  in  silence,  like  fat  and  discreet 
councillors.  But  the  burgomasters,  being  inflated 
with  considerable  importance  and  self-sufficiency, 
acquired  at  popular  meetings,  were  not  so  ea-sily 
satisfied.  Mustering  up  fresh  spirit,  when  they 
found  there  was  some  chance  of  escaping  from 
their  present  jeopardy  without  the  disagreeable 
alternative  of  fighting,  they  requested  a  copy  of 
the  summons  to  surrender,  that  they  might  show 
it  to  a  general  meeting  of  the  people. 

So  insolent  and  mutinous  a  request  would 
have  been  enough  to  have  roused  the  gorge  of 
the  tranquil  Van  Twiller  himself,  —  what  then 
must  have  been  its  effect  upon  the  great  Stuyve- 
sant,  who  was  not  only  a  Dutchman,  a  governor, 
and  a  valiant  wooden-legged  soldier  to  l>oot,  but 
withal  a  man  of  the  most  stomachful  and  gun- 
powder disposition  ?  He  burst  forth  into  a  blaze 


496  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

of  indignation,  —  swore  not  a  mother's  son  of 
them  should  see  a  syllable  of  it,  —  that  as  to 
their  advice  or  concurrence,  he  did  not  care  a 
whiff  of  tobacco  for  either,  —  that  they  might  go 
home,  and  go  to  bed  like  old  women ;  for  he  was 
determined  to  defend  the  colony  himself,  Without 
the  assistance  of  them  or  their  adherents  !  So 
saying  he  tucked  his  sword  under  his  arm,  cocked 
his  hat  upon  his  head,  and  girding  up  his  loins, 
stumped  indignantly  out  of  the  council-chamber, 
everybody  making  room  for  him  as  he  passed. 

No  sooner  was  he  gone  than  the  busy  burgo- 
masters called  a  public  meeting  in  front  of  the 
Stadthouse,  where  they  appointed  as  chairman 
one  Dofue  Roerback,  formerly  a  meddlesome 
member  of  the  cabinet  during  the  reign  of  Wil- 
liam the  Testy,  but  kicked  out  of  office  by  Peter 
Stuyvesant  on  taking  the  reins  of  government. 
He  was,  withal,  a  mighty  gingerbread  baker  in 
the  land,  and  reverenced  by  the  populace  as  a 
man  of  dark  knowledge,  seeing  that  he  was  the 
first  to  imprint  New- Year  cakes  with  the  myste- 
rious hieroglyphics  of  the  Cock  and  Breeches, 
and  such  like  magical  devices. 

This  burgomaster,  who  still  chewed  the  cud  of 
ill-will  against  Peter  Stuyvesant,  addressed  the 
multitude  in  what  is  called  a  patriotic  speech, 
informing  them  of  the  courteous  summons  wliich 
the  governor  had  received,  to  surrender,  of  his 
refusal  to  comply  therewith,  and  of  his  denying 
the  public  even  a  sight  of  the  smnmons,  which 
doubtless  contained  conditions  highly  to  the  honor 
and  advantage  of  the  province. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  497 

He  then  proceeded  to  speak  of  his  Excellency 
in  high-sounding  terms  of  vituperation,  suited  to 
the  dignity  of  his  station  ;  comparing  him  to 
Nero,  Caligula,  and  other  flagrant  great  men  of 
yore  ;  assuring  the  people  that  the  history  of  the 
world  did  not  contain  a  despotic  outrage  equal  to 
the  present.  That  it  would  be  recorded  in  letters 
of  fire,  on  the  blood  -  stained  tablet  of  history ! 
That  ages  would  roll  back  with  sudden  horror 
when  they  came  to  view  it !  That  the  womb  of 
time  (by  the  way,  your  orators  and  writers  take 
strange  liberties  with  the  womb  of  time,  though 
some  would  fain  have  us  believe  that  time  is  an 
old  gentleman)  —  that  the  womb  of  time,  preg- 
nant as  it  was  with  direful  horrors,  would  never 
produce  a  parallel  enormity  !  —  with  a  variety 
of  other  heart  -  rending,  soul  -  stirring  tropes  and 
figures,  which  I  cannot  enumerate  ;  neither,  in- 
deed, need  I,  for  they  were  of  the  kind  which 
even  to  the  present  day  form  the  style  of  popular 
harangues  and  patriotic  orations,  and  may  be 
classed  in  rhetoric  under  the  general  title  of 
RIGMAROLE. 

The  result  of  this  speech  of  the  inspired  bur- 
gomaster was  a  memorial  addressed  to  the  gov- 
ernor, remonstrating  in  good  round  terms  on  his 
conduct.  It  was  proposed  that  Dofue  Roerback 
himself  should  be  the  bearer  of  this  memorial ; 
but  this  he  warily  declined,  having  no  inclination 
of  coming  again  within  kicking  distance  of  his 
Excellency.  Who  did  deliver  it  has  never  been 
named  in  history,  in  which  neglect  he  has  suffered 
grievous  wrong;  seeing  that  he  was  equally 
32 


498  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

worthy  of  blazon  with  him  perpetuated  in  Scot- 
tish song  and  story  by  the  surname  of  Bell-the- 
cat.  All  we  know  of  the  fate  of  this  memorial 
is,  that  it  was  used  by  the  grim  Peter  to  light  his 
pipe ;  which,  from  the  vehemence  with  which  he 
smoked  it,  was  evidently  anything  but  a  pipe  of 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  499 


CHAPTER   X. 


HOW  PETER   STUYVESAMT.  LIKE 
SOLVED   A   RUMP   PARLIAMENT. 


did  the  high  -  minded  Pieter  de 
Groodt  shower  down  a  pannier-load  of 
maledictions  upon  his  burgomasters  for 
a  set  of  self-willed,  obstinate,  factious  varlets,  who 
would  neither  be  convinced  nor  persuaded.  Nor 
did  he  omit  to  bestow  some  left-handed  compli- 
ments upon  the  sovereign  people,  as  a  hen!  of 
poltroons,  who  had  no  relish  for  the  glorious  hard- 
ships and  illustrious  misadventures  of  battle,  but 
would  rather  stay  at  home,  and  eat  and  sleep  in 
ignoble  ease,  than  fight  in  a  ditch  for  immortal- 
ity and  a  broken  head. 

Resolutely  bent,  however,  upon  defending  his 
beloved  city,  in  despite  even  of  itself,  he  called 
unto  him  his  trusty  Van  Corlear,  who  was  his 
right-hand  man  in  all  times  of  emergency.  Him 
did  he  adjure  to  take  his  war-denouncing  trumpet, 
and  mounting  his  horse,  to  beat  up  the  country 
night  and  day,  —  sounding  the  alarm  along  the 
pastoral  borders  of  the  Bronx,  —  startling  the 
wild  solitudes  of  Croton,  —  arousing  the  rugged 
yeomanry  of  Weehawk  and  Iloboken,  —  the 


500  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

mighty  men  of  battle  of  Tappan  Bay,  —  and  the 
brave  boys  of  Tarry-Town,  Petticoat-Lane,  and 
Sleepy-Hollow,  —  charging  them  one  and  all  to 
sling  their  powder-horns,  shoulder  their  fowling- 
pieces,  and  march  merrily  down  to  the  Manhat- 
toes. 

Now  there  was  nothing  in  all  the  Avorld,  the 
divine  sex  excepted,  that  Antony  Van  Corlear 
loved  better  than  errands  of  this  kind.  So  just 
stopping  to  take  a  lusty  dinner,  and  bracing  to 
his  side  his  junk-bottle,  well  charged  with  heart- 
inspiring  Hollands,  he  issued  jollily  from  the  city 
gate,  which  looked  out  upon  what  is  at  present 
called  Broadway,  sounding  a  farewell  strain,  that 
rung  in  sprightly  echoes  through  the  winding 
streets  of  New  Amsterdam.  Alas !  never  more 
were  they  to  be  gladdened  by  the  melody  of  their 
favorite  trumpeter  ! 

It  was  a  dark  and  stormy  night  when  the  good 
Antony  arrived  at  the  creek  (sagely  denominated 
Haeiiem  river)  which  separates  the  island  of 
Manna-hata  from  the  mainland.  The  wind  was 
high,  the  elements  were  in  an  uproar,  and  no 
Charon  could  be  found  to  ferry  the  adventurous 
sounder  of  brass  across  the  water.  For  a  short 
time  he  vapored  like  an  impatient  ghost  upon  the 
brink,  and  then  bethinking  himself  of  the  urgency 
of  his  errand,  took  a  hearty  embrace  of  his  stone 
bottle,  swore  most  valorously  that  he  would  swim 
across  in  spite  of  the  devil !  (Spyt  den  Duyvel !) 
and  daringly  plunged  into  the  stream.  Luckless 
Antony !  Scarce  had  he  buffeted  half-way  over 
when  he  was  observed  to  struggle  violently,  as  if 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  501 

battling  with  the  spirit  of  the  waters,  —  instinc- 
tively he  put  his  trumpet  to  his  mouth,  and  giv- 
ing a  vehement  blast  —  sank  forever  to  the  bot- 
tom ! 

The  clangor  of  his  trumpet,  like  that  of  the 
ivory  horn  of  the  renowned  Paladin  Orlando, 
when,  expiring  in  the  glorious  field  of  Konces- 
valles,  rang  far  and  wide  through  the  country, 
alarming  the  neighbors  round,  who  hurried  in 
amazement  to  the  spot.  Here  an  old  Dutch 
burgher,  famed  for  his  veracity,  and  who  had 
been  a  witness  of  the  fact,  related  to  them  the 
melancholy  affair ;  with  the  fearful  addition  (to 
which  I  am  slow  in  giving  belief)  that  he  saw  the 
duyvel,  in  the  shape  of  a  huge  moss-bonker,  seize 
the  sturdy  Antony  by  the  leg,  and  drag  him  be- 
neath the  waves.  Certain  it  is,  the  place,  with 
the  adjoining  promontory,  which  projects  into  the 
Hudson,  has  been  called  Spi/t  den  Duyvel  ever 
since  ;  the  ghost  of  the  unfortunate  Antony  still 
haunts  the  surrounding  solitudes,  and  his  trum- 
pet has  often  been  heard  by  the  neighbors,  of  a 
stormy  night,  mingling  with  the  howling  of  the 
blast.  Nobody  ever  attempts  to  swim  across  the 
creek  after  dark  ;  on  the  contrary,  a  bridge  has 
been  built  to  guard  against  such  melancholy  acci- 
dents in  future ;  and  as  to  the  moss-bonkers,  they 
are  held  in  such  abhorrence,  that  no  true  Dutch- 
man will  admit  them  to  his  table,  who  loves  good 
fish  and  hates  the  devil. 

Such  was  the  end  of  Antony  Van  Corlear,  — 
a  man  deserving  of  a  better  fate.  He  lived 
roundly  and  soundly,  like  a  true  and  jolly  bach- 


502  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

elor,  until  the  day  of  his  death  ;  but  though  he 
was  never  married,  yet  did  he  leave  behind  some 
two  or  three  dozen  children,  in  different  parts  of 
the  country,  —  fine,  chubby,  brawling,  flatulent 
little  urchins  ;  from  whom,  if  legends  speak  true, 
(and  they  are  not  apt  to  lie,)  did  descend  the  in- 
numerable race  of  editors,  who  people  and  defend 
this  country,  and  who  are  bountifully  paid  by  the 
people  for  keeping  up  a  constant  alarm  —  and 
making  them  miserable.  It  is  hinted,  too,  that 
in  his  various  expeditions  into  the  East  he  did 
much  towards  promoting  the  population  of  the 
country ;  in  proof  of  which  is  adduced  the  noto- 
rious propensity  of  the  people  of  those  parts  to 
sound  their  own  trumpet. 

As  some  way-worn  pilgrim,  when  the  tempest 
whistles  through  his  locks,  and  night  is  gathering 
round,  beholds  his  faithful  dog,  the  companion 
and  solace  of  his  journeying,  stretched  lifeless  at 
his  feet,  so  did  the  generous-hearted  hero  of  the 
Manhattoes  contemplate  the  untimely  end  of  An- 
tony Van  Corlear.  •  He  had  been  the  faithful 
attendant  of  his  footsteps  ;  he  had  charmed  him 
in  many  a  weary  hour  by  his  honest  gayety  and 
the  martial  melody  of  his  trumpet,  and  had  fol- 
lowed him  with  unflinching  loyalty  and  affection 
through  many  a  scene  of  direful  peril  and  mis- 
hap. He  was  gone  forever !  and  that,  too,  at  a 
moment  when  every  mongrel  cur  was  skulking 
from  his  side.  This  —  Peter  Stuyvesant  —  was 
the  moment  to  try  thy  fortitude  ;  and  this  was 
the  moment  when  thou  didst  indeed  shine  forth 
Peter  the  Headstrong  ! 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  503 

The  glare  of  day  had  long  dispelled  the  hor- 
rors of  the  stormy  night  ;  still  all  was  dull  and 
gloomy.  The  late  jovial  Apollo  hid  his  face 
behind  lugubrious  clouds,  peeping  out  now  and 
then  for  an  instant,  as  if  anxious,  yet  fearful, 
to  see  what  was  going  on  in  his  favorite  citv. 
This  was  the  eventful  morning  when  the  great 
Peter  was  to  give  his  reply  to  the  summons 
of  the  invaders.  Already  was  he  closeted  with 
his  privy  council,  sitting  in  grim  state,  brooding 
over  the  fate  of  his  favorite  trumpeter,  and  anon 
boiling  with  indignation  as  the  insolence  of  his 
recreant  burgomasters  flashed  upon  his  mind.  — 
While  in  this  state  of  irritation,  a  courier  arrived 
in  all  haste -from  Winthrop,  the  subtle  governor 
of  Connecticut,  counselling  him,  in  the  most  af- 
fectionate and  disinterested  manner,  to  surrender 
the  province,  and  magnifying  the  dangers  and  ca- 
lamities to  which  a  refusal  would  subject  him. — 
What  a  moment  was  this  to  intrude  officious  ad- 
vice ypon  a  man  who  never  took  advice  in  his 
whole  life  !  —  The  fiery  old  governor  strode  up 
and  down  the  chamber  with  a  vehemence  that 
made  the  bosoms  of  his  councillors  to  quake  with 
awe,  —  railing  at  his  xinlucky  fate,  that  thus  made 
him  the  constant  butt  of  factious  subjects,  and 
Jesuitical  advisers. 

Just  at  this  ill-chosen  juncture,  the  officious 
burgomasters,  who  had  heard  of  the  arrival  of 
mysterious  despatches,  came  marching  in  a  body 
into  the  room,  with  a  legion  of  schepens  and  toad- 
eaters  at  their  heels,  and  abruptly  demanded  a 
perusal  of  the  letter.  This  was  too  much  for  the 


504  HISTORY   OF   NEW  YORK. 

spleen  of  Peter  Stuyvesant.  He  tore  the  letter 
in  a  thousand  pieces,  —  threw  it  in  the  face  of 
the  nearest  burgomaster,  —  broke  his  pipe  over 
the  head  of  the  next,  —  hurled  his  spitting-box 
at  an  unlucky  schepen,  who  was  just  retreating 
out  at  the  door,  and  finally  prorogued  the  whole 
meeting  sine  die,  by  kicking  them  down-stairs 
with  his  wooden  leg. 

As  soon  as  the  burgomasters  could  recover 
from  then-  confusion  and  had  thne  to  breathe,  they 
called  a  public  meeting,  where  they  related  at 
full  length,  and  with  appropriate  coloring  and 
exaggeration,  the  despotic  and  vindictive  deport- 
ment of  the  governor  ;  declaring  that,  for  their 
own  parts,  they  did  not  value  a  straw  the  being 
kicked,  cuffed,  and  mauled  by  the  timber  toe  of 
his  Excellency,  but  that  they  felt  for  the  dignity 
of  the  sovereign  people,  thus  rudely  insulted  by 
the  outrage  committed  on  the  seat  of  honor  of 
their  representatives.  The  latter  part  of  the  ha- 
rangue came  home  at  once  to  that  delicacy  of 
feeling  and  jealous  pride  of  character  vested  in 
all  true  mobs,  —  who,  though  they  may  bear  in- 
juries without  a  murmur,  yet  are  marvellously 
jealous  of  their  sovereign  dignity ;  and  there 
is  no  knowing  to  what  act  of  resentment  they 
might  have  been  provoked,  had  they  not  been 
somewhat  more  afraid  of  their  sturdy  old  gov- 
ernor than  they  were  of  St.  Nicholas,  the  English 
—  or  the  d — 1  himself. 


HISTORY   OF  NEW    YORK.  505 


CHAPTER   XI. 


3IMT    OF   TUB   STRENGTH   OF   HIS   HEAD. 


HERE  is  something  exceedingly  sublime 
and  melancholy  in  the  spectacle  which 
the  present  crisis  of  our  history  presents. 
An  illustrious  and  venerable  little  city,  —  the  me- 
tropolis of  a  vast  extent  of  uninhabited  country,  — 
garrisoned  by  a  doughty  host  of  orators,  chairmen, 
committee-men,  burgomasters,  schepens,  and  old 
women,  —  governed  by  a  determined  and  strong- 
headed  warrior,  and  fortified  by  mud  batteries, 
palisadoes,  and  resolutions,  —  blockaded  by  sea, 
beleaguered  by  land,  and  threatened  with  direful 
desolation  from  without,  while  its  very  vitals  are 
torn  with  internal  faction  and  commotion  !  Never 
did  historic  pen  record  a  page  of  more  compli- 
cated distress,  unless  it  be  the  strife  that  dis- 
tracted the  Israelites,  during  the  siege  of  Jeru- 
salem, —  where  discordant  parties  were  cutting 
each  other's  throats,  at  the  moment  when  the 
victorious  legions  of  Titus  had  toppled  down 
their  bulwarks,  and  wrere  carrying  fire  and  sword 
into  the  very  sanctum  sanctorum  of  the  temple. 

Governor  Stuyvesant  having  triumphantly  put 
his  grand  council  to  the  rout,  and  delivered  him- 


506  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

self  from  a  multitude  of  impertinent  advisers, 
dispatched  a  categorical  reply  to  the  commanders 
of  the  invading  squadron  ;  wherein  he  asserted 
the  right  and  title  of  their  High  Mightinesses 
the  Lords  States  General  to  the  province  of  New 
Netherlands,  and  trusting  in  the  righteousness 
of  his  cause,  set  the  whole  British  nation  at 
defiance  ! 

My  anxiety  to  extricate  my  readers  and  my- 
self from  these  disastrous  scenes  prevents  me 
from  giving  the  whole  of  this  gallant  letter, 
which  concluded  in  these  manly  and  affectionate 
terms :  — 

"  As  touching  the  threats  in  your  conclusion, 
we  have  nothing  to  answer,  only  that  we  fear 
nothing  but  what  God  (who  is  as  just  as  merci- 
ful) shall  lay  upon  us ;  all  things  being  in  his 
gracious  disposal,  and  we  may  as  well  be  pre- 
served by  him  with  small  forces  as  by  a  great 
army ;  which  makes  us  to  wish  you  all  happiness 
and  prosperity,  and  recommend  you  to  his  protec- 
tion. My  lords,  your  thrice  humble  and  affec- 
tiona'te  servant  and  friend,  P.  STUYVESANT." 

Thus  having  thrown  his  gauntlet,  the  brave 
Peter  stuck  a  pair  of  horse-pistols  in  his  belt, 
girded  an  immense  powder-horn  on  his  side,  — • 
thrust  his  sound  leg  into  a  Hessian  boot,  and 
clapping  his  fierce  little  war-hat  on  the  top  of  his 
head,  — •  paraded  up  and  down  in  front  of  his 
house,  determined  to  defend  his  beloved  city  to 
the  last. 

While  all  these  struggles  and  dissensions  were 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  507 

prevailing  in  rthe  unhappy  city  of  New  Amster- 
dam, and  while  its  worthy  but  ill-starred  governor 
was  framing  the  above-quoted  letter,  the  English 
commanders  did  not  remain  idle.  They  had 
agents  secretly  employed  to  foment  the  fears  and 
clamors  of  the  populace ;  and  moreover  circu- 
lated far  and  wide,  through  the  adjacent  country, 
a  proclamation,  repeating  the  terms  they  had 
already  held  out  in  their  summons  to  surrender, 
at  the  same  time  beguiling  the  simple  Nederland- 
ers  with  the  most  crafty  and  conciliating  profes- 
sions. They  promised  that  every  man  who  vol- 
untarily submitted  to  the  authority  of  his  British 
Majesty  should  retain  peaceful  possession  of  his 
house,  his  vrouw,  and  his  cabbage-garden.  That 
he  should  be  suffered  to  smoke  his  pipe,  speak 
Dutch,  wear  as  many  breeches  as  he  pleased,  and 
import  bricks,  tiles,  and  stone  jugs  from  Holland, 
instead  of  manufacturing  them  on  the'spot.  That 
he  should  on  no  account  be  compelled  to  learn 
the  English  language,  nor  eat  codfish  on  Satur- 
days, nor  keep  accounts  in  any  other  way  than 
by  casting  them  up  on  his  fingers,  and  chalking 
them  down  upon  the  crown  of  his  hat ;  as  is 
observed  among  the  Dutch  yeomanry  at  tlie  pres- 
ent day.  That  every  man  should  be  allowed 
quietly  to  inherit  his  father's  hat,  coat,  shoe- 
buckles,  pipe,  and  every  other  personal  appen- 
dage ;  and  that  no  man  should  be  obliged  to  con- 
form to  any  improvements,  inventions,  or  any 
other  modern  innovations  ;  but,  on  the  contrary, 
should  be  permitted  to  build  his  house,  follow  his 
trade,  manage  his  farm,  rear  his  hogs,  and  edu- 


508  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

cate  his  children,  precisely  as  his  ancestors  had 
done  before  him  from  time  immemorial.  Finally, 
that  he  should  have  all  the  benefits  of  free  trade, 
and  should  not  be  required  to  acknowledge  any 
other  saint  in  the  calendar  than  St.  Nicholas,  who 
should  thenceforward,  as  before,  be  considered  the 
tutelar  saint  of  the  city. 

These  terms,  as  may  be  supposed,  appeared 
very  satisfactory  to  the  people,  who  had  a  great 
disposition  to  enjoy  their  property  unmolested, 
and  a  most  singular  aversion  to  engage  in  a  con- 
test, where  they  could  gain  little  more  than  honor 
and  broken  heads,  —  the  first  of  which  they  held 
in  philosophic  indifference,  the  latter  in  utter  de- 
testation. By  these  insidious  means,  therefore, 
did  the  English  succeed  in  alienating  the  confi- 
dence and  affections  of  the  populace  from  their 
gallant  old  governor,  whom  they  considered  as 
obstinately  bent  upon  running  them  into  hideous 
misadventures ;  and  did  not  hesitate  to  speak 
their  minds  freely,  and  abuse  him  most  heartily 
— behind  his  back. 

Like  as  a  mighty  grampus  when  assailed  and 
buffeted  by  roaring  waves  and  brawling  surges, 
still  keeps  on  an  undeviating  course,  rising  above 
the  boisterous  billows,  spouting  and  blowing  as 
he  emerges,  —  so  did  the  inflexible  Peter  pursue, 
unwavering,  his  determined  career,  and  rise,  con- 
temptuous, above  the  clamors  of  the  rabble. 

But  when  the  British  warriors  found  that  he 
set  their  power  at  defiance,  they  dispatched  re- 
cruiting officers  to  Jamaica,  and  Jericho,  and  Nin- 
eveh, and  Quag,  and  Patchog,  and  all  those 


HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK.  509 

towns  on  Long  Island  which  had  been  subdued 
of  yore  by  Stoffel  Brinkerhoff ;  stirring  up  the 
progeny  of  Preserved  Fish,  and  Determined  Cock, 
and  those  other  New-England  squatters,  to  assail 
the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  by  land,  while  the 
hostile  ships  prepared  for  an  assault  by  water. 

The  streets  of  New  Amsterdam  now  presented 
a  scene  of  wild  dismay  and  consternation.  Jn 
vain  did  Peter  Stuyvesant  order  the  citizens  to 
arm  and  assemble  on  the  Battery.  Blank  terror 
reigned  over  the  community.  The  whole  party 
of  Short  Pipes  in  the  course  of  a  single  night 
had  changed  into  arrant  old  women,  —  a  metamor- 
phosis only  to  be  paralleled  by  the  prodigies  re- 
corded by  Livy  as  having  happened  at  Rome  at 
the  approach  of  Hannibal,  when  statues  sweated 
in  pure  affright,  goats  were  converted  into  sheep, 
and  cocks,  turning  into  hens,  ran  cackling  about 
the  street. 

Thus  baffled  in  all  attempts  to  put  the  city  in 
a  state  of  defence,  blockaded  from  without,  tor- 
mented from  within,  and  menaced  with  a  Yan- 
kee invasion,  even  the  stiff-necked  will  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant  for  once  gave  way,  and  in  spite  of 
his  mighty  heart,  which  swelled  in  his  throat  un- 
til it  nearly  choked  him,  he  consented  to  a  treaty 
of  surrender. 

Words  cannot  express  the  transports  of  the 
populace,  on  receiving  this  intelligence ;  had 
they  obtained  a  conquest  over  their  enemies,  they 
could  not  have  indulged  greater  delight.  The 
streets  resounded  with  their  congratulations, — 
they  extolled  their  governor  as  the  father  and 


510  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

deliverer  of  his  country,  —  they  crowded  to  his 
house  to  testify  their  gratitude,  and  were  ten 
times  more  noisy  in  their  plaudits  than,  when  he 
returned,  with  victory  perched  upon  his  beaver, 
from  the  glorious  capture  of  Fort  Christina.  But 
the  indignant  Peter  shut  his  doors  and  windows, 
and  took  refuge  in  the  innermost  recesses  of  his 
mansion,  that  he  might  not  hear  the  ignoble  re- 
joicings of  the  rabble. 

Commissioners  were  now  appointed  on  both 
sides,  and  a  capitulation  was  speedily  arranged ; 
all  that  was  wanting  to  ratify  it  was  that  it 
should  be  signed  by  the  governor.  When  the 
commissioners  waited  upon  him  for  this  purpose, 
they  were  received  with  grim  and  bitter  courtesy. 
His  warlike  accoutrements  were  laid  aside,  —  an 
old  Indian  night-gown  was  wrapped  about  his 
rugged  limbs,  a  red  night-cap  overshadowed  his 
frowning  brow,  an  iron-gray  beard  of  three  days' 
growth  gave  additional  grimness  to  his  visage. 
Thrice  did  he  seize  a  worn-out  stump  of  a  pen, 
and  essay  to  sign  the  loathsome  paper,  —  thrice 
did  he  clinch  his  teeth,  and  make  a  horrible 
countenance,  as  though  a  dose  of  rhubarb,  senna, 
and  ipecacuanha  had  been  offered  to  his  lips  ;  at 
length,  dashing  it  from  him,  he  seized  his  brass- 
hilted  sword,  and  jerking  it  from  the  scabbard, 
swore  by  St.  Nicholas,  to  sooner  die  than  yield 
to  any  power  under  heaven. 

For  two  whole  days  did  he  persist  in  this  mag- 
nanimous resolution,  during  which  his  house  was 
besieged  by  the  rabble,  and  menaces  and  clamor- 
ous revilings  exhausted  to  no  purpose.  And  now 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  511 

another  course  was  adopted  to  soothe,  if  possible, 
his  mighty  ire.  A  procession  was  formed  by  the 
burgomasters  and  schepens,  followed  by  the  pop- 
ulace, to  bear  the  capitulation  in  state  to  the  gov- 
ernor's dwelling.  They  found  the  castle  strongly 
barricadoed,  and  the  old  hero  in  full  regimentals, 
with  his  cocked  hat  on  his  head,  posted  with  a 
blunderbuss  at  the  garret-window. 

There  was  something  in  this  formidable  posi- 
tion that  struck  even  the  ignoble  vulgar  with  awe 
and  admiration.  The  brawling  multitude  could 
not  but  reflect  with  self -abasement  upon  their 
own  pusillanimous  conduct,  when  they  beheld 
their  hardy  but  deserted  old  governor,  thus  faith- 
ful to  his  post,  like  a  forlorn  hope,  and  fully  pre- 
pared to  defend  his  ungrateful  city  to  the  last. 
These  compunctions,  however,  were  soon  over- 
whelmed by  the  recurring  tide  of  public  appre- 
hension. The  populace  arranged  themselves  be- 
fore the  house,  taking  off  their  hats  with  most 
respectful  humility;  Burgomaster  Koerback,  who 
was  of  that  popular  class  of  orators  described  by 
Sallust  as  being  u  talkative  rather  than  eloquent," 
stepped  forth  and  addressed  the  governor  in  a 
speech  of  three  hours'  length,  detailing,  in  the 
most  pathetic  terms,  the  calamitous  situation  of 
the  province,  and  urging  him  in  a  constant  repe- 
tition of  the  same  arguments  and  words  to  sign 
the  capitulation. 

The  mighty  Peter  eyed  him  from  his  garret- 
window  in  grim  silence,  —  now  and  then  his  eye 
would  glance  over  the  surrounding  rabble,  and 
an  indignant  grin,  like  that  of  an  angry  mastiff, 


512  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

would  mark  his  iron  visage.  But  though  a  man 
of  most  undaunted  mettle,  —  though  he  had  a 
heart  as  big  as  an  ox,  and  a  head  that  would 
have  set  adamant  to  scorn,  —  yet  after  all  he  was 
a  mere  mortal.  Wearied  out  by  these  repeated 
oppositions,  and  this  eternal  haranguing,  and  per- 
ceiving that  unless  he  complied,  the  inhabitants 
would  follow  their  own  inclination,  or  rather 
their  fears,  without  waiting  for  his  consent,  or, 
what  was  still  worse,  the  Yankees  would  have 
time  to  pour  in  their  forces  and  claim  a  share 
in  the  conquest,  he  testily  ordered  them  to  hand 
up  the  paper.  It  was  accordingly  hoisted  to  him 
on  the  end  of  a  pole ;  and  having  scrawled  his 
name  at  the  bottom  of  it,  he  anathematized  them 
all  for  a  set  of  cowardly,  mutinous,  degenerate 
poltroons,  threw  the  capitulation  at  their  heads, 
slammed  down  the  window,  and  was  heard 
stumping  down-stairs  with  vehement  indignation. 
The  rabble  incontinently  took  to  their  heels ;  even 
the  burgomasters  were  not  slow  in  evacuating  the 
premises,  fearing  lest  the  sturdy  Peter  might  issue 
from  his  den,  and  greet  them  with  some  unwel- 
come testimonial  of  his  displeasure. 

Within  three  hours  after  the  surrender,  a  le- 
gion of  British  beef-fed  warriors  poured  into  New 
Amsterdam,  taking  possession  of  the  fort  and 
batteries.  And  now  might  be  heard,  from  all 
quarters,  the  sound  of  hammers  made  by  the  old 
Dutch  burghers,  in  nailing  up  their  doors  and 
windows,  to  protect  their  vrouws  from  these  fierce 
barbarians,  whom  they  contemplated  in  silent  sul- 
lenness  from  the  garret-windows  as  they  paraded 
through  the  streets. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  513 

Thus  did  Colonel  Richard  Nichols,  the  com- 
mander of  the  British  forces,  enter  into  quiet 
possession  of  the  conquered  realm  as  locum  teams 
for  the  Duke  of  York.  The  victory  was  attended 
with  no  other  outrage  than  that  of  changing  the 
name  of  the  province  and  its  metropolis,  which 
thenceforth  were  denominated  NEW  YOHK,  and 
so  have  continued  to  be  called  unto  the  present 
day.  The  inhabitants,  according  to  treaty,  were 
allowed  to  maintain  quiet  possession  of  their 
property ;  but  so  inveterately  did  they  retain 
their  abhorrence  of  the  British  nation,  that  in  a 
private  meeting  of  the  leading  citizens  it  was 
unanimously  determined  never  to  ask  any  of  their 
conquerors  to  dinner. 

NOTE.  —  Modern  historians  assert  that  when  the  New  Neth- 
erlands were  thus  overrun  by  the  British,  as  Spain  in  ancient 
days  by  the  Saracens,  a  resolute  band  refused  to  bend  the1  neck 
to  'the  invader.  Led  by  one  Garret  Van  Home,  a  valorous 
and  gigantic  Dutchman,  they  crossed  the  bay  and  buried 
themselves  among  the  marshes  and  cabbage-gardens  of  Com- 
munipaw  ;  as  did  Pelayo  and  hi.s  followers  among  the  moun- 
tains of  Asturias.  Here  their  descendants  have  remained  ever 
since,  keeping  themselves  apart,  like  seed-corn,  to  re-people 
the  city  with  the  genuine  breed  whenever  it  shall  be  efl'oc- 
tuallv 'recovered  from  its  intruders.  It  is  said  the  genuine 
descendants  of  the  Xederlanders  who  inhabit  New  York,  still 
look  with  longing  eyes  to  the  green  marshes  of  ancient  1'avo- 
nia,  as  did  the  conquered  Spaniards  of  yore  to  the  stern  moun- 
tains of  Asturias,  considering  these  the  regions  whence  deliv- 
erance is  to  come. 


514  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTER   XH. 


RTAL   SURRENDER   OP 


'HUS,  then,  have  I  concluded  this  great 
historical  enterprise ;  but  before  I  lay 
aside  my  weary  pen,  there  yet  remains 
to  be  performed  one  pious  duty.  If  among  the 
variety  of  readers  who  may  peruse  this  book, 
there  should  haply  be  found  any  of  those  souls 
of  true  nobility,  which  glow  with  celestial  fire  as 
the  history  of  the  generous  and  the  brave,  they 
will  doubtless  be  anxious  to  know  the  fate  of  the 
gallant  Peter  Stuyvesant.  To  gratify  one  such 
sterling  heart  of  gold  I  would  go  more  lengths 
than  to  instruct  the  cold-blooded  curiosity  of  a 
whole  fraternity  of  philosophers. 

No  sooner  had  that  high -mettled  cavalier 
signed  the  articles  of  capitulation,  than,  deter- 
mined not  to  witness  the  humiliation  of  his  favor- 
ite city,  he  turned  his  back  on  its  walls  and  made 
a  growling  retreat  to  his  bouwery,  or  country-seat, 
which  was  situated  about  two  miles  off;  where 
he  passed  the  remainder  of  his  days  in  patriarchal 
retirement.  There  he  enjoyed  that  tranquillity 
of  mind  which  he  had  never  known  amid  the 
distracting  cares  of  government ;  and  tasted  the 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  515 

sweets  of  absolute  and  uncontrolled  authority, 
which  his  factious  subjects  had  so  often  dashed 
with  the  bitterness  of  opposition. 

No  persuasions  could  ever  induce  him  to  revisit 
the  city ;  on  the  contrary,  he  would  always  have 
his  great  arm-chair  placed  with  its  back"  to  the 
windows  which  looked  in  that  direction,  until  a 
thick  grove  of  trees  planted  by  his  own  hand 
grew  up  and  formed  a  screen  that  effectually 
excluded  it  from  the  prospect.  He  railed  contin- 
ually at  the  degenerate  innovations  and  improve- 
ments introduced  by  the  conquerors;  forbade  a 
word  of  their  detested  language  to  be  spoken  in 
his  family,  — •  a  prohibition  readily  obeyed,  since 
none  of  the  household  could  speak  anything  but 
Dutch,  —  and  even  ordered  a  iine  avenue  to  be 
cut  down  in  front  of  his  house  because  it  con- 
sisted of  English  cherry-trees. 

The  same  incessant  vigilance,  which  blazed 
forth  when  he  had  a  vast  province  under  his  care, 
now  showed  itself  with  equal  vigor,  though  in 
narrower  limits.  lie  patrolled  with  unceasing 
watchfulness  the  boundaries  of  his  little  territory ; 
repelled  every  encroachment  witli  intrepid  prompt- 
ness ;  punished  every  vagrant  depredation  upon 
his  orchard  or  his  farm-yard  with  inflexible  se- 
verity ;  and  conducted  every  stray  hog  or  cow 
in  triumph  to  the  pound.  But  to  the  indigent 
neighbor,  the  friendless  stranger,  or  the  weary 
wanderer,  his  spacious  doors  were  ever  open, 
and  his  capacious  fireplace,  that  emblem  of  liis 
own  warm  and  generous  heart,  had  always  a  cor- 
ner to  receive  and  cherish  them.  There  was  an 


516  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

exception  to  this,  I  must  confess,  in  case  the  ill- 
starred  applicant  were  an  Englishman  or  a  Yan- 
kee ;  to  whom,  though  he  might  extend  the  hand 
of  assistance,  he  could  never  be  brought  to  yield 
the  rites  of  hospitah'ty.  Nay,  if  peradventure 
some  straggling  merchant  of  the  East  should  stop 
at  his  door,  with  his  cart-load  of  tin  ware  or 
wooden  bowls,  the  fiery  Peter  would  issue  forth 
like  a  giant  from  his  castle,  and  make  such  a 
furious  clattering  among  his  pots  and  kettles,  that 
the  vender  of  "  notions  "  was  fain  to  betake  him- 
self to  instant  flight. 

His  suit  of  regimentals,  worn  threadbare  by 
the  brush,  were  carefully  hung  up  in  the  state 
bed-chamber,  and  regularly  aired  the  first  fair 
day  of  every  month  ;  and  his  cocked  hat  and 
trusty  sword  were  suspended  in  grim  repose  over 
the  parlor  mantelpiece,  forming  supporters  to  a 
full-length  portrait  of  the  renowned  Admiral 
Van  Tromp.  In  his  domestic  empire  he  main- 
tained strict  discipline  and  a  well-organized  des- 
potic government ;  but  though  his  own  will  was 
the  supreme  law,  yet  the  good  of  his  subjects 
was  his  constant  object.  He  watched  over,  not 
merely  their  immediate  comforts,  but  their  morals, 
and  their  ultimate  welfare  ;  for  he  gave  them 
abundance  of  excellent  admonition,  nor  could  any 
of  them  complain,  that,  when  occasion  required, 
he  was  by  any  means  niggardly  in  bestowing 
wholesome  correction. 

The  good  old  Dutch  festivals,  those  periodical 
demonstrations  of  an  overflowing  heart  a.nd  a 
thankful  spirit,  which  are  falling  into  sad  disuse 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  517 

among  my  fellow-citizens,  were  faithfully  olwerved 
in  the  mansion  of  Governor  Stuyvesant  New- 
Year  was  truly  a  day  of  open-handed  liberality, 
of  jocund  revelry,  and  warm-hearted  congratu- 
lation, when  the  bosom  swelled  with  genial  good- 
fellowship,  and  the  plenteous  table  was  attended 
Avith  an  unceremonious  freedom,  and  honest  broad- 
mouthed  merriment,  unknown  in  these  days  of 
degeneracy  and  refinement.  Paas  and  Pinxter 
were  scrupulously  observed  throughout  his  do- 
minions ;  nor  was  the  day  of  St.  Nicholas  suffered 
to  pass  by,  without  making  presents,  hanging  the 
stocking  in  the  chimney,  and  complying  with  all 
its  other  ceremonies. 

Once  a  year,  on  the  first  day  of  April,  he  used 
to  array  himself  in  full  regimentals,  being  the 
anniversary  of  his  triumphal  entry  into  New 
Amsterdam,  after  the  conquest  of  New  Sweden. 
This  was  always  a  kind  of  saturnalia  among  the 
domestics,  when  they  considered  themselves  at 
liberty,  in  some  measure,  to  say  and  do  what  they 
pleased ;  for  on  this  day  their  master  was  always 
observed  to  unbend,  and  become  exceeding  pleas- 
ant and  jocose,  sending  the  old  gray-headed  ne- 
groes on  April-fool's  errands  for  pigeon's  milk  ; 
not  one  of  whom  but  allowed  himself  to  be 
token  in,  and  humored  his  old  master's  jokes, 
as  became  a  faithful  and  well-disciplined  depend- 
ant. Thus  did  he  reign,  happily  and  peacefully 
on  his  own  land  —  injuring  no  man  —  envying 
no  man  —  molested  by  no  outward  strifes  —  per- 
plexed by  no  internal  commotions;  —  and  the 
mighty  monarchs  of  the  earth,  who  were  vainly 


518  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

seeking  to  maintain  peace,  and  promote  the  wel- 
fare of  mankind,  by  war  and  desolation,  would 
have  done  well  to  have  made  a  voyage  to  the 
little  island  of  Manna-hata,  and  learned  a  lesson 
in  government  from  the  domestic  economy  of 
Peter  Stuyvesant. 

In  process  of  time,  however,  the  old  governor, 
like  all  other  children  of  mortality,  began  to 
exhibit  evident  tokens  of  decay.  Like  an  aged 
oak,  which,  though  it  long  has  braved  the  fury 
of  the  elements,  and  still  retains  its  gigantic  pro- 
portions, begins  to  shake  and  groan  with  every 
blast  —  so  was  it  with  the  gallant  Peter  ;  for 
though  he  still  bore  the  port  and  semblance  of 
what  he  was  in  the  days  of  his  hardihood  and 
chivalry,  yet  did  age  and  infirmity  begin  to  sap 
the  vigor  of  his  frame,  —  but  his  heart,  that  un- 
conquerable citadel,  still  triumphed  unsubdued. 
With  matchless  avidity  would  he  listen  to  every 
article  of  intelligence  concerning  the  battles  be- 
tween the  English  and  Dutch,  —  still  would  his 
pulse  beat  high  whenever  he  heard  of  the  vic- 
tories of  De  Ruyter,  and  his  countenance  lower, 
and  his  eyebrows  knit,  when  fortune  turned  in 
favor  of  the  English.  At  length,  as  on  a  certain 
day  he  had  just  smoked  his  fifth  pipe,  and  was 
napping  after  dinner,  in  his  arm-chair,  conquer- 
ing the  whole  British  nation  in  his  dreams,  he 
was  suddenly  aroused  by  a  ringing  of  bells,  rat- 
tling of  drums,  and  roaring  of  cannon,  that  put 
all  his  blood  in  a  ferment.  But  when  he  learnt 
that  these  rejoicings  were  in  honor  of  a  great 
victory  obtained  by  the  combined  English  and 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  519 

French  fleets  over  the  brave  De  Ruyter,  and 
the  younger  Van  Tromp,  it  went  so  much  to  his 
heart,  that  he  took  to  his  bed,  and  in  less  than 
three  days  was  brought  to  death's  door,  by  a 
violent  cholera  morbus  !  Even  in  this  extremity 
he  still  displayed  the  unconquerable  spirit  of 
Peter  the  Headstrong ;  holding  out  to  the  last 
gasp,  with  inflexible  obstinacy,  against  a  whole 
army  of  old  women  who  were  bent  upon  driving 
the  enemy  out  of  his  bowels,  in  the  true  Dutch 
mode  of  defence,  by  inundation. 

While  he  thus  lay,  lingering  on  the  verge  of 
dissolution,  news  was  brought  him  that  the  brave 
De  Ruyter  had  made  good  his  retreat,  with  little 
loss,  and  meant  once  more  to  meet  the  enemy 
in  battle.  The  closing  eye  of  the  old  warrior 
kindled  with  martial  fire  at  the  words,  —  he 
partly  raised  himself  in  bed,  —  clinched  his  with- 
ered hand,  as  if  he  felt  within  his  gripe  that 
sword  which  waved  in  triumph  before  the  walls 
of  Fort  Christina,  and  giving  a  grim  smile  of 
exultation,  sank  back  upon  his  pillow,  and  ex- 
pired. 

Thus  died  Peter  Stuyvesant,  —  a  valiant  sol- 
dier —  a  loyal  subject  —  an  upright  governor, 
and  an  honest  Dutchman,  —  who  wanted  only  a 
few  empires  to  desolate,  to  have  been  immortal- 
ized as  a  hero ! 

His  funeral  obsequies  were  celebrated  with  the 
utmost  grandeur  and  solemnity.  The  town  was 
perfectly  emptied  of  its  inhabitants,  who  crowded 
in  throngs  to  pay  the  last  sad  honors  to  their  good 
old  governor.  All  his  sterling  qualities  rushed 


520  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

in  full  tide  upon  their  recollection,  while  the 
memory  of  his  foibles  and  his  faults  had  expired 
with  him.  The  ancient  burghers  contended  who 
should  have  the  privilege  of  bearing  the  pall ; 
the  populace  strove  who  should  walk  nearest  to 
the  bier;  and  the  melancholy  procession  was 
closed  by  a  number  of  gray-headed  negroes,  who 
had  wintered  and  summered  in  the  household  of 
their  departed  master  for  the  greater  part  of  a 
century. 

With  sad  and  gloomy  countenances,  the  multi- 
tude gathered  round  the  grave.  They  dwelt 
with  mournful  hearts  on  the  sturdy  virtues,  the 
signal  services,  and  the  gallant  exploits  of  the 
brave  old  worthy.  They  recalled,  with  secret 
upbraidings,  their  own  factious  oppositions  to  his 
government ;  and  many  an  ancient  burgher,  whose 
phlegmatic  features  had  never  been  known  to  re- 
lax, nor  his  eyes  to  moisten,  was  now  observed  to 
puff  a  pensive  pipe,  and  the  big  drop  to  steal 
down  his  cheek,  while  he  muttered,  with  affec- 
tionate accent,  and  melancholy  shake  of  the  head 
—  "  Well,  den  !  —  Hardkoppig  Peter  ben  gone  at 
last !  " 

His  remains  were  deposited  in  the  family  vault, 
under  a  chapel  which  he  had  piously  erected  on 
his  estate,  and  dedicated  to  St.  Nicholas,  —  and 
which  stood  on  the  identical  spot  at  present  occu- 
pied by  St.  Mark's  church,  where  his  tombstone 
is  still  to  be  seen.  His  estate,  or  bouwery,  as  it 
was  called,  has  ever  continued  in  the  possession 
of  his  descendants,  who,  by  the  uniform  integrity 
of  their  conduct,  and  their  strict  adherence  to  the 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  521 

customs  and  manners  that  prevailed  in  the  "good 
old  times"  have  proved  themselves  worthy  of 
their  illustrious  ancestor.  Many  a  tune  and  oft 
has  the  farm  been  haunted  at  night  by  enterpris- 
ing money-diggers,  in  quest  of  pote  of  gold,  said 
to  have  been  buried  by  the  old  governor,  though 
I  cannot  learn  that  any  of  them  have  ever  been 
enriched  by  their  researches ;  and  who  is  there, 
among  my  native-born  fellow-citizens,  that  does 
not  remember  when,  in  the  mischievous  days  of 
his  boyhood,  he  conceived  it  a  great  exploit  to 
rob  "  Stuyvesant's  orchard  "  on  a  holiday  after- 
noon ? 

At  this  stronghold  of  the  family  may  still  be 
seen  certain  memorials  of  the  immortal  Peter. 
His  full-length  portrait  frowns  in  martial  terrors 
from  the  parlor-wall ;  his  cocked  hat  and  sword 
still  hang  up  in  the  best  bedroom  ;  his  brim- 
stone-colored breeches  were  for  a  long  while  sus- 
pended in  the  hall,  until  some  years  since  they 
occasioned  a  dispute  between  a  new -married 
couple ;  and  his  silver-mounted  wooden  leg  is 
still  treasured  up  in  the  store-room,  as  an  inval- 
uable relique. 


522  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 


.,..  ,  (.    CHAPTER   XHI. 

THE  AUTHOR'S  REFLECTIONS  UPON  WHAT  HAS  BEEK  SAID. 

the  numerous  events,  which  are 
each  in  their  turn  the  most  direful  and 
melancholy  of  all  possible  occurrences, 
in  your  interesting  and  authentic  history,  there  is 
none  that  occasions  such  deep  and  heart-rending 
grief  as  the  decline  and  fall  of  your  renowned 
and  mighty  empires.  Where  is  the  reader  who 
can  contemplate  without  emotion  the  disastrous 
events  by  which  the  great  dynasties  of  the  world 
have  been  extinguished  ?  While  wandering,  in 
imagination,  among  the  gigantic  ruins  of  states 
and  empires,  and  marking  the  tremendous  convul- 
sions that  wrought  their  overthrow,  the  bosom 
of  the  melancholy  inquirer  swells  with  sympa- 
thy commensurate  to  the  surrounding  desolation. 
Kingdoms,  principalities,  and  powers,  have  each 
had  their  rise,  their  progress,  and  their  downfall, 
—  each  in  its  turn  has  swayed  a  potent  sceptre,  — 
each  has  returned  to  its  primeval  nothingness. 
And  thus  did  it  fare  with  the  empire  of  their 
High  Mightinesses,  at  the  Manhattoes,  under  the 
peaceful  reign  of  Walter  the  Doubter,  the  fret- 
ful reign  of  William  the  Testy,  and  the  chivalric 
reign  of  Peter  the  Headstrong. 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK.  523 

Its  history  is  fruitful  of  instruction,  and  wor- 
thy of  being  pondered  over  attentively,  for  it  is 
by  thus  raking  among  the  ashes  of  departed  great- 
ness, that  the  sparks  of  true  knowledge  are  to  be 
found,  and  the  lamp  of  wisdom  illuminated.  Let 
then  the  reign  of  Walter  the  Doubter  warn 
against  yielding  to  that  sleek,  contented  security, 
and  that  overweening  fondness  for  comfort  and 
repose,  which  are  produced  by  a  state  of  prosper- 
ity and  peace.  These  tend  to  unnerve  a  nation  ; 
to  destroy  its  pride  of  character ;  to  render  it 
patient  of  insult ;  deaf  to  the  calls  of  honor  and 
of  justice  ;  and  cause  it  to  cling  to  peace,  like  the 
sluggard  to  his  pillow,  at  the  expense  of  every 
valuable  duty  and  consideration.  Such  supine- 
ness  insures  the  very  evil  from  which  it  shrinks. 
One  right  yielded  up  produces  the  usurpation  of 
a  second  ;  one  encroachment  passively  suffered 
makes  way  for  another ;  and  the  nation  which 
thus,  through  a  doting  love  of  peace,  has  sacri- 
ficed honor  and  interest,  will  at  length  have  to 
fight  for  existence. 

Let  the  disastrous  reign  of  William  the  Testy 
serve  as  a  salutary  warning  against  that  fitful, 
feverish  mode  of  legislation,  which  acts  without 
system  ;  depends  on  shifts  and  projects,  and  trusts 
to  lucky  contingencies.  Which  hesitates,  and 
wavers,  and  at  length  decides  with  the  rashness 
of  ignorance  and  imbecility.  Which  stoops  for 
popularity  by  courting  the  prejudices  and  flatter- 
ing the  arrogance,  rather  than  commanding  the 
respect  of  the  rabble.  Which  seeks  safety  in  a 
multitude  of  counsellors,  and  distracts  itself  by  a 


524  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

variety  of  contradictory  schemes  and  opinions. 
Wliich  mistakes  procrastination  for  wariness  — 
hurry  for  decision  —  parsimony  for  economy  — 
bustle  for  business  —  and  vaporing  for  valor. 
Which  is  violent  in  council,  sanguine  in  expec- 
tation, precipitate  in  action,  and  feeble  in  execu- 
tion. Which  undertakes  enterprises  without  fore- 
thought, enters  upon  them  without  preparation, 
conducts  them  without  energy,  and  ends  them 
in  confusion  and  defeat. 

Let  the  reign  of  the  good  Stuyvesant  show 
the  effects  of  vigor  and  decision  even  when  des- 
titute of  cool  judgment,  and  surrounded  by  per- 
plexities. Let  it  show  how  frankness,  probity, 
and  high-souled  courage  will  command  respect, 
and  secure  honor,  even  where  success  is  unattain- 
able. But  at  the  .same  time,  let  it  caution 
against  a  too  ready  reliance  on  the  good  faith 
of  others,  and  a  too  honest  confidence  in  the 
loving  professions  of  powerful  neighbors,  who  are 
most  friendly  when  they  most  mean  to  betray. 
Let  it  teach  a  judicious  attention  to  the  opin- 
ions and  wishes  of  the  many,  who,  in  times  of 
peril,  must  be  soothed  and  led,  or  apprehension 
will  overpower  the  deference  to  authority. 

Let  the  empty  wordiness  of  his  factious  sub- 
jects ;  their  intemperate  harangues ;  their  vio- 
lent "  resolutions  "  ;  their  hectorings  against  an 
absent  enemy,  and  their  pusillanimity  on  his  ap- 
proach, teach  us  to  distrust  and  despise  those 
clamorous  patriots  whose  courage  dwells  but  in 
the  tongue.  Let  them  serve  as  a  lesson  to  re- 
press that  insolence  of  speech,  destitute  of  real 


HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK.  525 

force,  which  too  often  breaks  forth  in  popular 
bodies,  and  bespeaks  the  vanity  rather  than  the 
spirit  of  a  nation.  Let  them  caution  us  against 
vaunting  too  much  of  our  own  power  and  prow- 
ess, and  reviling  a  noble  enemy.  True  gallantry 
of  soul  would  always  lead  us  to  treat  a  foe  with 
courtesy  and  proud  punctilio  ;  a  contrary  conduct 
but  takes  from  the  merit  of  victory,  and  renders 
defeat  doubly  disgraceful. 

But  I  cease  to  dwell  on  the  stores  of  excel- 
lent examples  to  be  drawn  from  the  ancient 
chronicles  of  the  Manhattoes.  He  who  reads 
attentively  will  discover  the  threads  of  gold  which 
run  throughout  the  web  of  history,  and  are  in- 
visible to  the  dull  eye  of  ignorance.  But,  before 
I  conclude,  let  me  point  out  a  solemn  warning, 
furnished  in  the  subtle  chain  of  events  by  which 
the  capture  of  Fort  Casimir  has  produced  the 
present  convulsions  of  our  globe. 

Attend  then,  gentle  reader,  to  this  plain  deduc- 
tion, which,  if  thou  art  a  king,  an  emperor,  or 
other  powerful  potentate,  I  advise  thee  to  treas- 
ure up  in  thy  heart,  —  though  little  expectation 
have  I  that  my  work  shall  fall  into  such  hands, 
for  well  I  know  the  care  of  crafty  ministers,  to 
keep  all  grave  and  edifying  books  of  the  kind 
out  of  the  way  of  unhappy  monarchs  —  lest  per- 
adventure  they  should  read  them  and  learn 
wisdom. 

By  the  treacherous  surprisal  of  Fort  Casimir, 
then,  did  the  crafty  Swedes  enjoy  a  transient 
triumph;  but  drew  upon  their  heads  the  ven- 
geance of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  who  wrested  all 


526  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

New  Sweden  from  their  hands.  By  the  con- 
quest of  New  Sweden,  Peter  Stuyvesant  aroused 
the  claims  of  Lord  Baltimore,  who  appealed  to 
the  Cabinet  of  Great  Britain  ;  who  subdued  the 
whole  province  of  New  Netherlands.  By  this 
great  achievement  the  whole  extent  of  North 
America,  from  Nova  Scotia  to  the  Floridas,  was 
rendered  one  entire  dependency  upon  the  British 
crown.  —  But  mark  the  consequence :  the  hith- 
erto scattered  colonies  being  thus  consolidated, 
and  having  no  rival  colonies  to  check  or  keep 
them  in  awe,  waxed  great  and  powerful,  and 
finally  becoming  too  strong  for  the  mother-coun- 
try, were  enabled  to  shake  off  its  bonds,  and  by 
a  glorious  revolution  became  an  independent  em- 
pire. But  the  chain  of  effects  stopped  not  here : 
the  successful  revolution  in  America  produced 
the  sanguinary  revolution  in  France  ;  which  pro- 
duced the  puissant  Bonaparte  ;  who  produced  the 
French  despotism ;  which  has  thrown  the  whole 
world  in  confusion  !  Thus  have  these  great  pow- 
ers been  successively  punished  for  their  ill-starred 
conquests  ;  and  thus,  as  I  asserted,  have  all  the 
present  convulsions,  revolutions,  and  disasters  that 
overwhelm  mankind,  originated  in  the  capture  of 
the  little  Fort  Casimir,  as  recorded  in  this  event- 
ful history. 

And  now,  worthy  reader,  ere  I  take  a  sad 
farewell,  —  which,  alas  !  must  be  forever,  —  will- 
ingly would  I  part  in  cordial  fellowship,  and 
bespeak  thy  kind-hearted  remembrance.  That  I 
have  not  written  a  better  history  of  the  days  of 
the  patriarchs  is  not  my  fault :  had  any  other 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK.  527 

person  written  one  as  good,  I  should  not  have 
attempted  it  at  all.  That  many  will  hereafter 
spring  up  and  surpass  me  in  excellence,  I  have 
very  little  doubt,  and  still  less  care ;  well  know- 
ing that,  when  the  great  Christovallo  Colon  (who 
is  vulgarly  called  Columbus)  had  once  stood  his 
egg  upon  its  end,  every  one  at  table  could  stand 
his  up  a  thousand  times  more  dexterously.  Should 
any  reader  mid  matter  of  offence  in  this  history, 
I  should  heartily  grieve,  though  I  would  on  no 
account  question  his  penetration  by  telling  him 
he  was  mistaken  —  his  good-nature  by  telling 
him  he  was  captious  —  or  his  pure  conscience  by 
telling  him  lie  was  startled  at  a  shadow.  Surely 
Avhen  so  ingenious  in  finding  offence  where  none 
was  intended,  it  were  a  thousand  pities  he  should 
not  be  suffered  to  enjoy  the  benefit  of  his  dis- 
covery. 

I  have  too  high  an  opinion  of  the  understanding 
of  my  fellow-citizens,  to  think  of  yielding  them 
instruction,  and  I  covet  too  much  their  good-will, 
to  forfeit  it  by  giving  them  good  advice.  I  am 
none  of  those  cynics  who  despise  the  world,  be- 
cause it  despises  them  :  on  the  contrary,  though 
but  low  in  its  regard,  I  look  up  to  it  with  the 
most  perfect  good-nature,  and  my  only  sorrow 
is,  that  it  does  not  prove  itself  more  worthy  of 
the  unbounded  love  I  bear  it.  If,  however,  in 
this  my  historic  production  —  the  scanty  fruit 
of  a  long  and  laborious  life  —  I  have  failed  to 
gratify  the  dainty  palate  of  the  age,  I  can  only 
lament  my  misfortune  —  for  it  is  too  late  in  the 
season  for  me  even  to  hope  to  repair  it,  Already 


528  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

has  withering  age  showered  his  sterile  snows  upon 
my  brow ;  in  a  little  while,  and  this  genial 
warmth  which  still  lingers  around  my  heart,  and 
throbs  —  worthy  reader  —  throbs  kindly  towards 
thyself,  will  be  chilled  forever.  Haply  this  frail 
compound  of  dust,  which  while  alive  may  have 
given  birth  to  naught  but  unprofitable  weeds, 
may  form  a  humble  sod  of  the  valley,  whence 
may  spring  many  a  sweet  wild  flower,  to  adorn 
my  beloved  island  of  Manna-hata  ! 


CAMBRIDGE  :  PRINTED  BY  H.  0.  HOUGHTON  AND  COMPANT. 


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